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The Self-esteem Lie

The Voice of Sovereign Grace / Doug Agnew
The Truth Network Radio
May 8, 2022 7:00 pm

The Self-esteem Lie

The Voice of Sovereign Grace / Doug Agnew

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May 8, 2022 7:00 pm

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Involves with you today. Turn with me if you want to 20th chapter of the Gospel of Matthew. When we look at verses 2328 today. Then the mother of the sons of Zebedee, came up to him with her sons and kneeling before him. She asked him for something he said to her, what do you want she said to him, saying that these two sons of mod are to see it one at your right hand and want to hear laughter in your kingdom and Jesus answered you do not know what you're asking.

Are you able to drink the cup that I am to drink. They said him we are able. He said to them, you will drink my cup sit at my right hand and my left is not mine to grant is for those for whom it is been prepared by my father when the 10 heard it, they were indignant at the two brothers. Jesus called them to him and said you know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great ones exercise authority over them shall not be so among you, whoever would be great among you must be your servant whoever would be first among you must be your slave, even as the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve and to give his life a ransom for many. That with me as we got our Lord in prayer. Heavenly father, we have many that are sick and infirm right now that need your help. We pray for Bev Dally sister Cindy is she's can be operated on for a knee operation that has to take place this Tuesday be with her in power. My brother Ray Greene who is having stance replaced in his artery since Wednesday. Lord be with him in May that stent replacement go whale oh lift up I want Abercrombie to you to preserve her life, Nicole Lohse and Linda Catherine Steve Parkhill's brother Jim. We pray for your healing touch on all of these Father's Day's Mother's Day. We are here to worship you, but were also here to honor our moms pray for our moms today. The culture and current Americas made motherhood more difficult.

We being told it to me in living together as a couple can rear children with the same wisdom the same heart in the same direction as a real father and mother to diabolical lie. You made mothers different than fathers not only physically but emotionally and socially different. Children need that godly feminine perspective in touch. We look today at the mother of two of the most godly Disciples of Christ ever live. May we learn from her. May we learn from our mistakes, as well as from her successes. Pray for the moms in this church give them endurance in them. Patients give them the ability to live Christlike before their kids.

Lord bless our service today open our eyes open our hearts and open our ears keep my lips from arrow.

What is the precious holy name of Jesus that we pray. Amen. You may be seated. I chose from our text today. Matthew chapter 20 verses 20 through 28, the mother of James and John have come to Jesus to make a request of him and she says to it to Jesus I want my boys to sit at your right hand in your left hand on your king in your kingdom and other words I won't you to make much of my sons I want you to honor my sons I will you to proclaim to the world how special my sons really are at today is is Mother's Day and I'll grant you about half the pastors across America today are going be preaching from Proverbs chapter 31 the excellent wines and and what what what what will they preach.

They will preach what she was like who can find a virtuous woman for her price is far above rubies. Her husband honors her in the gate. Her children rise up and call her blessed.

I will say here she is, ladies that your ideal she supermom not go out and be supermom you want to be the best cook in your community, your children should never get online. Your husband should always be in perfect agreement with you because you have the virtue of Mary, you have the wisdom of Solomon, you have the patience of Job. You have the endurance of Paul to get out there moms be a supermom. That's your ideal and the ladies in the churches are sitting there thinking is he talking about AAs not talking about me. I'm not like that. I got a long way to go. I understand that today I'm use the illustration about a godly mom, a devoted mom a good mom that she's not a perfect mom. She's not supermom and that's not what you're called to be, so I'm not gonna tell you to go get him.

Supermom I'm going to share with you some things I think are important now realize that this sounds maybe a little bit negative but I want to use a negative illustration the day and I think that's important because in this passage we find out about what mom can do. Even though she's not a perfect mom. He said Doug use the illustration on Mother's Day about a woman who made a mistake and really messed up what can be positive about that. We here we have an imperfect mom who may send in the has an improper motive who makes an ill-advised decision and yet she raises two of the most godly kids to have ever walked the face of this earth she she she raises up kids who turn the world upside down for Christ.

One of them is James. James was the first martyr as an apostle.

The very first Christian martyr and then there is John becomes the pastor at the church in Ephesus and he wrote the gospel of John, first, second, third, John, and the book of Revelation that's hung for every Christian mom. God's grace is greater than our sin were CN rules.

God overrules God hasn't called you to be supermom. He is called you to be Christian mom. He's easy that's that's important us to for us to say that you don't have to be a virgin where you don't have to be a Susanna Wesley. You just have to love the Lord love the Lord and be obedient to the Lord and love your children and put your children to Christ and discipline your children moms what we need to see in this passage is that there is great hope for you six points on a share with you this morning .1 the worldly request to verses 20 through 21, then the mother of the sons of Zebedee, came up to him with her sons and kneeling before him she ask him for something he said to her what you want and she said to him say that these two sons of mine are to sit one at your right hand, one at your left in your kingdom. So to picture this scene Zebedee's wife, John and James mother go up to Jesus. She kneels down before Christ, she is down on her knees, looking up at Jesus. It is a position showing the utmost respect for Jesus.

Jesus looks down at her and he says ma'am. What do you want, and there's no him hauling. There's no halting at all.

No hesitation.

She has an agenda and immediately she says I want my boys to sit on your right hand in your left hand in your kingdom.

That's what I won't. She's asking for glory and honor for her sons. She's also manipulating she's trying to butter Jesus up. I think it's interesting that and in the gospel of Mark Mrs. Zebedee is not even mentioned that the boys are mentioned in the boys at say pretty much the same thing in the 70s say in here Mark chapter 10 verse 35 the boy say this teacher, we want you to do for us whatever we ask of you. I got 14 grandkids and I've seen that trick lots of times, pop Doug, we want you to do something for us a site okay what is it no promises you'll do it first and I'll say what I'm not the sharpest knife in the drawer, but I not going to fall for that one. I'm not gonna fall for that because I can get you in trouble.

I'm not gonna write them up a blank check and sign it because that that'll lead to disaster.

But Mark's gospel… Know that this is a conspiracy.

It was not just mama who wanted the boys to have the seat of honor.

It was also the boys them sales and the fact that they were asking for a blank check let you know that this is not really a legitimate need.

Jesus later dealt with this very problem in Matthew chapter 23 verse six when he talked about the sin of the Pharisees and he said the Pharisees love the place of honor at the feast and they wanted the best seats in the synagogue later in third John chapter 9 Johnson a an elderly pastor by this time and he's learned this lesson is learned it will and he speaks of a guy named Dr. fees and this is what he says I have written something to the church, but Dr. fees, who likes to put himself first does not acknowledge our authority will where do we draw the line with Mrs. Zebedee wrong. Is it wrong for us to want our children to exile know it certainly is not wrong for us to will them take sale but but there's a difference in seeking greatness and seeking excellence.

There's a difference in seeking self-esteem and seeking self-worth a huge different. The psychiatrist tell us that we need to back build self-esteem into our children that will give them confidence and if they had that confidence still be able to believe in themselves and go out and do anything, not what you want your killed children to think that's false pride. It was the Lord himself.

He said in Proverbs chapter chapter 16 verse 18 pride goeth before destruction and a haughty spirit before a fall. It was international math test that was given several years ago, and these students from 10 different countries. High school students were given this math test and when it was all over the Chinese students had the highest scores in math of all the 10, the United States students had the lowest scores of the 10 then they did a psychological test checking all self-esteem in the US. Students at the high self-esteem and the Chinese students had the lowest self-esteem. So what does that say visit US kids were the worst students, but they thought they were the best.

This is a Chinese students with the best students, but they thought they were the worst. Which would you rather have, why has this happened because we push self-esteem instead of self-worth. We push public greatness rather than godly excellence. Romans chapter 12 in verse three says they asked for by the grace given to may I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God is assigned, I would submit to you that one of the great things that you can do for your child is to get away from self-esteem and build into that child self-worth and that self-worth is what is let your child know that he is. He has worth, because he was created in the image of God. PS worth because he belongs to Jesus. He is worth because that which he does for God's glory can bring Jesus great glory so Christian should not sink for personal brightness, but for personal excellence, the glory of God high point to the penetrating question. Look at verse 22 Jesus answered you do not know what you're asking. Are you able to drink the cup that I'm to drink and they said to him, we are able.

What a powerful question. Do you know what you're asking for. Jesus said to sit at the right hand and the left hand in his kingdom will require that James and John drink of my cup what is Jesus cup is cup is a cup of suffering and death. Folks that's important at this point in their spiritual journey.

James and John are looking at the crown. They're not looking at the cross Jesus said if any man be my disciple, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me bugs that had not really had not really, sake, and in the at this point in the ministry of James and John had got that yet EEC so far things have been relatively calm and relatively peaceful for James and John, Jesus has been teaching powerfully. He's been casting out demons. He's been healing the sick. He's been doing amazing things and the people in Israel. Israel been helped and they been healed and they been blessed and there've been a few bumps in the road but not a whole lot things have been relatively easy up to this point in time. But Jesus knows what's coming.

He knows it's get ready to get tough. James and John. Don't know what Mrs. Zebedee don't know what the Jesus knows exactly what they're going to have to endure.

He says can you drink of my cup when James and John say yes we are able reminds me of Peter not for the crucifixion. Jesus says all the disciples are going to scatter all of you are going to take off and leave me and run and leave me by myself and Peter jumps up said hotly Lord about these other guys I'd never do that. I go to prison few I would die for you, but I never deny you, Jesus and Peter before this, the cockroach twice for this night is over you'll deny me three times. Peter did just that takes us to .3. The prophetic reality.

Look at verse 23 he said to them, you will drink my cup to sit at my right hand in my left is not mine to grant that it is for those for whom it is been prepared by my father the cup. Like I said, represent suffering and death. The cup for Jesus was across the cup for James was a sword, not just a few months after Jesus was crucified.

James was killed by the sword. He was decapitated. They cut his head off. John was a little different. John Leland for probably 70 to 75 years after Jesus was crucified. John was beaten many many times he was thrown into a vat of boiling all and he lived through it, but he was the only apostle that was not that was not martyred for his faith.

He was a man that went and love the Lord with all of his heart was willing to suffer for the Lord. He ended up taking him to the island of Patmos and he was therefore for probably a few years and while he was there in exile. He wrote the book of Revelation. So James and and John that they are traveling different routes.

They are going on different paths that yet their calling is the same ministry different.

The callings of same and what was the calling, the calling was across what is that mean it means death to self. John MacArthur said this about about the cross, he said, either because they completely misunderstood what Jesus meant, or because, like Peter, promising never divorce Christ. They self confidently thought they could endure anything required of them, James and John foolishly declared, we are able. Just as Peter denied the Lord three times for the Cox Road two brothers along with the other disciples fled for their lives. Jesus was arrested. No doubt, when you know that with great tenderness, compassion. The Lord then assured the brothers my cup you shall drink, but it would not be in their own power than the power the Holy Spirit. If they would suffer greatly for their master sake. I .4 is the is the typical response we see that in verse 24 and when the 10 heard it, they were indignant at the two brothers or the other disciples man about or the other 10 angry about war. They mad because this request that Mrs. Zebedee and James and John had made was a ungodly request is not what they were mad about it all.

They were mad because they get past first they were mad because they wanted to do the very same thing if there mad at James and John Mrs. Zebedee about, like little children fight over the biggest piece of candy just just a short time before this Jesus was walking together with his disciples to Capernaum and he was listening to the conversations that they were having and is very interesting what they were talking about in Matthew nine verses 33 through 34. We have that I have that statement and they came to Capernaum and when he was in the house he asked them what were you discussing on the way but they kept silent from the way they had argued with one another about who was the greatest discussion was about who was the greatest.

I should have been ashamed of themselves and they were ashamed of themselves.

Well, they should have been bugs. People who try to come off as being more intelligent or more athletic or more charming or more knowledgeable, more beautiful or more handsome.

What we we tend to just not gravitate to those people we don't like that.

We hate it when we see pride in others, but we cannot gloss over it knowingly when we see pride in our sales and most of the time when there's pride in our sales so just see that we don't even see it every time I read this passage that James and John and their mom. I get a little bit disgusted I think to myself me and they walk with Jesus. They were close to him they should know better than this wire.

Thank you so concerned about about not being significant. Why does it matter to them so much about being made much of an intimate is just insidious and I like it tell you why I don't like it because I see it myself and swaddle like Sun City. I'll get home from a worship service on Sunday night will be talking soon as a man, that sermon that Eugene preached was a great sermon. She said the fact I'd like to hear that again. Could you give me a CD of Eugene sermon tonight and I think you must avoid minute I preach this morning and and you and you you didn't ask me for a CD of my sermon. What I my chopped liver, but what I think like that.

He is the answer.

I like to be made much of I dislike it when I see in others. I like to be honored alike for people like me you like to I like to be honored. So where's the hope .5 the godly guidance in verse 25 to 27 but Jesus called them to him and said, you know, the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great ones exercise authority over them.

It shall not be so among you. But whoever would be great among you must be your servant, and whoever would be first among you must be your slave. Jesus makes a comparison and a contrast he said this is the way the world operates and McKenna lays it out for us seek for personal brightness step on people to get to the top demand to be honored to be made much of fish for compliments hunger for status and recognition is the way the world operates. They believe that the road to true happiness and is is that road and if you want to be content, then you got to have the approval and the acceptance of people. Theologians have a term for that, see, and they call it the fear of man, here's the here's a contrast we see it again. We just read verse 26 again. Jesus said it shall not be so among you.

But whoever would be great among you must be your servant, and whoever would be first among you must be your slave. The teacher true greatness and happiness is to develop a servant spirit was watching the NFL draft, spent several years ago nail. There was a young man from Romania who had played football at at our University of Iowa and he was. His name was Trinka Fossett and he had come lived in in Romania several years ago when his dad defected their living under the regime of nickel after Chesky very oppressive regime. They came to America and he got a scholarship to I would apply football and was so good at it. Now he was going to the NFL. Get ready to make millions of dollars and they told the story on draft night on TV and then they called him up and they soon will ask you some questions about your diet and how we raised you and how we helped you to be a success in he said can you can you tell us and he said yes, this was our family motto.

This was our family motto be the first to serve and be the last to be served is and that's what my dad taught me his dad taught him the same thing that Jesus is teaching James and John and teacher Mrs. Zebedee here. If you want real success.

Be a servant live your life, not for yourself but for others, but others above yourself seek to uplift others make others.

Your priority William Booth, William Booth was the founder of the Salvation Army great man of God love the Lord. He was on his deathbed, the heading in the hospital and just so happened that they were having the Salvation Army annual convention at the same city with this hospital was and so he was getting ready to died not far off from death at all and they sent a representative over to talk to him representative came over and said said William Booth. We need to ask you a question. Would you be willing to just share something to help us out to give us some insight to give us some punch to move on ahead with the Salvation Army and he said yes go back and tell them one word and that one word was this others others said that's what the Salvation Army is always been about and that's what I wanted to continue to be about others moms asked the key to rearing happy and successful children develop in them a servant's heart from day one turn their hearts to God first and then to others. Second, we think showering our kids with material blessings and end building self-esteem into them is to make them happy and make them happy makes him selfish 32 years ago my my buddy John T gave me the statement that I will share with you here today and it was 32 years ago still very very relevant today. It was 12 steps to raise a juvenile delinquent and it was put out by the Houston, Texas Police Department listener. This number one begin with infancy to give the child everything he wants in this why you brought to believe the world owes them a living. Generally when he picks up bad words laugh at a missile making think he's cute.

Three. Never giving many spiritual training way to lease 21 then let them decide for himself for. Avoid the use of wrong fee may develop a guilt complex. This will condition him to believe. Later, when he is arrested that society is against team and he's being persecuted five pickup everything he leaves line around do everything for him so that he will be experienced in throwing all right responsibility on others.

Six take his part against neighbors teachers and policemen. There are prejudice against your child seven quarrel frequently in the presence of your children. This way they will be so shocked in the home is broken up later. Eight give the child all the spending money won't never let them earn his own money.

Nine satisfies every craving for food, drink, and comfort. See, that is, every sensual desires gratified 10 letting read any printed material listen to any music he can get his hands on. Be careful that the silverware drinking glasses are sterilized. Let his mind based on garbage 11 when he gets into real trouble apologized yourself by saying I could never do anything with 12 prepare for a life of grief, you will likely have it while my dad was most unselfish people that I've ever known.

He told us what the Bible says about ministering to others and putting others before yourself, but more than just teaching us about that. I watched his life and he lived it. I remember a year before my dad passed away. I took him to the dentist and we went to the dentist in our dentist said Dutch. We need to pull one your back teeth and he said I would suggest that you put it had a implant put in there. Of the causes can be hard to choose. If you don't do that and my dad looked at it is that how much is that implant in the cost and he said $2500 and in that scum of the, the low estimate probably be a good bit more than that. My dad said I think I'll pass. Well we got in the car in a sedan. I said you need that tooth and you got the money I say go for it – listen, he said I'm old. I'm getting older and he said I probably won't live too much longer and he said if I spend that money on to it will be there and gone, but if I leave the money in the bank that I can leave it for your mom and that'll help her through life.

I thought well that's putting others above yourself. I'll never forget that he was more concerned about my mom and he was about his own self while .6 the glorious example verse 28 even as the Son of Man came to give his life a ransom as the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve and to give his life a ransom for many pastor friend of mine shared illustration from a book by David Ireland several years ago in a love illustration about the book is entitled letters to an unborn child illustration writing my baled and and I got it. David Ireland had said that he in the book that have a neurological disease that was going to quickly take his life at the time that he eroded. His wife was expecting a baby boy and what he wanted to do was to write letters to his future son so that when he died he was gone, his son would know something about me.

I want to read to you the first paragraph and then a statement that David makes about his wife he wants his son to know what kind of mother is God and he wants his son to know about the value of servant hood. Listen carefully to my only child, yet to be born. I'm your father is unusual for father to write letters to his unborn child, but then you see I'm not the usual father, the circumstances of your birth are not usual our life together.

Yours and mine will be usual either may have an early appointment with death, you've probably be my only child and destiny is determined that I must accomplish in words what other fathers do three piggyback rides, birthday parties, no lifetime of simple everyday signs of love. I don't have a whole lifetime before me and will not be able to do the familiar things fathers do for their children today. All I know to do is what I'm doing right you letters which you may be able to know me. Your mother's very special few men know what it's like to receive appreciation for taking their wives out to dinner within entails, what it does for us. It means that she has to dress me shave me brush my teeth, comb my hair will me out of the house and down the steps. Open the garage and put me in the car take the petals off the chair, stand me up, sit me in the seat of the car. Twist me around so that I'm comfortable full the wheelchair put in the car go around to the other side of the car started up back it out get out of the car pull the garage door down get back into the car drive off to the restaurant and it starts all over again. She gets out of the car and pulls wheelchair opens the door spins me around stand me up seeks me in the wheelchair pushes the petals out closes and locks the door wheeled me into the restaurant and takes the petals off the wheelchair so I won't be uncomfortable. We sit down to have dinner and she feeds me throughout the entire meal when it's over, she pays the bill pushes the wheelchair out of the car again and reverses the same routine when it's all over, finished with real warm shall say honey, thank you for taking me out to dinner.

I never know quite how to answer every week, sometimes twice a week. I have to wash my hair is involved.

Sit with my shirt off in front of the sink is a mirror there and I'm able to look at myself which otherwise I rarely can each time I see my concave chest my head leaning to the right muscles and flesh of my arms and shoulders, having slowly disappeared over the past two years I begin to feel depressed and Joyce will say all don't look, I'm a take that silly mirror down if you don't stop admiring yourself, then perhaps a little later I may be lying on the bed taken a nap.

Your mother will sit down next to me to place my hand in her lap, looking into my eyes with all depths of sincerity.

She will say you're so handsome to me. You most handsome man of the world.

I love you so much and somehow out of ancient will of our experience together. I know she means it at the glorious picture of the gospel folks Jesus saved us when we were yet sinners, we were yet sinners he shed his blood for us. He reconciled us to a holy God. He redeemed us out of the slave market sin. He appease the wrath of God against us. He opened our spiritual eyes are spiritual ears, our spiritual heart.

He changed our nature so that we could yield him.

What did he do for us.

He suffered for us, he bled for us.

He died for us and what do we do in return we tithe and we complain about it. We teach then we get mad because we don't get any price for it.

We give somebody something, and then we get upset because we don't get a thank you note, let me tell you something. The gospel is not about us. The gospel is about Jesus and then it leads to others. It's about Jesus and others mom you want rear good healthy God-fearing children then give them the gospel give them the gospel. Jesus paid it all, all to him. Sinners left a crimson stain, he washed it white as snow. Teach them what Jesus said about servitude.

What did Jesus say to the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve and to give his life a ransom for many. What better could you do for your child and teach him to be like Jesus is pray.

Heavenly father. Today we saw a very important biblical truth.

We saw the call on mothers to help develop into their children a servants heart. We saw a call to help our kids develop self-worth, not self-esteem. Our cultures pushing us to do otherwise in our kids feel pressure from the social media in their own personal friends to achieve personal glory help our mothers and fathers to train our children to be servants help our children to understand the Christ likeness of servant hood.

Father, help us as husbands to encourage our wives and their motherhood and help our children to appreciate and honor the moms that you have blessed them with his Jesus name enhanced precious name we pray. Amen

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