The Dignified Wife #2

Welcome to The Truth Pulpit with Don Green, Founding Pastor of Truth Community Church in Cincinnati, Ohio.

Hello again, I'm Bill Wright. It is our joy to continue our commitment to teaching God's people God's Word. Today Don is continuing with the second part of a message we started last time. So let's get right to it.

Open your Bible as we join Don now in The Truth Pulpit. I realize, I realize how hard this is or can be. It doesn't have to be difficult. But what makes it difficult is that perhaps your own mother lived differently. Certainly, society has conditioned you to think in a completely different manner about yourself and how you respond to those around you. We are conditioned. Ladies are given great promises of how happy and joyful they'll be if they simply rebel against authority and if they assert themselves.

And then when you have the media industry portraying all men as knuckleheads and fools wearing dunce caps, just getting, just drinking beer and watching football and doing silly things, it's very easy to imbibe that and say, well, I'm not going to submit in light of that. I'm going to assert myself. I'm going to find my true person. Well, dear, dear, dear sisters, Christ in His Word, Christ in calling you to Himself has done something of profound consequence. Christ laid His hand upon you in sovereign grace by His sovereign will and drew you to Himself so that you would be an obedient disciple of His.

That is the highest place of dignity. But now you respond to the way that Christ thinks, what Christ's Word is. And you are no longer your own.

You have been bought with a price, it says in 1 Corinthians 6. And so you are no longer your own to assert yourself. Now you respond to the Master who has graciously brought you in and made you one of His own. And as a result of that, your responsibility, your privilege as a woman in Christ is this, is to have your thinking transformed by the Word of God under the power and the illumination of the Spirit of God so that your thinking is transformed and your affections are transformed to think like Christ thinks, to love the things that Christ loves, and you can't be that. You can't pursue that and simultaneously hold on to the Spirit of the world.

It doesn't work that way. And so it becomes your privilege and your opportunity to step back at a time like this and a series like this and make a conscious decision, I want to embrace my Lord. I want to embrace what He has revealed.

I want to be like Him. I want to be like those ladies that were around Him in His earthly ministry, following Him, loving Him, confessing my sin to Him, receiving His forgiveness, receiving His love, receiving His kindness. I want to be in the realm of Christ, not in the realm of the world.

1 John 2.15, Do not love the world or the things of the world. Well, that starts at the deepest, most profound level of your affections and what it is that you even want out of life. Ladies, what do you want out of life? Do you want yourself? Do you want the vanity of this world?

The passing nature of the fickle approval of a world that markets this to you with extreme power? Or do you want to step out of that, step toward Christ, and in the spirit of Isaiah say, Speak, Lord, your servant listens. It's actually Samuel. Speak, Lord, your servant listens. I love you for saving me, for dying on the cross, for redeeming me out of my prior way of life, for rescuing me from hell and sin. I love you for that, Lord, you say in your heart. You say that this is what you want from me.

Teach me how to do that. Enable me. Give me grace to become what you want me to be. You see, beloved, all of that to say that the dignified wife, the Christian wife, embraces submission in obedience to Christ himself. Before, in a sense, before the husband himself ever enters into the picture. And so, submission, let's put it this way as we wrap up this second point. Submission is to the husband, submission is to the Lord.

Those two points go together, really. Somebody's submission to your husband is so tied up, it is so wound together with obedience to Christ, that you really cannot separate the two. If Christ says, Follow your husband, and you say, I won't follow that man, then it's a reaction against Christ because Scripture puts them together. And so, godliness, you dignified women, godliness starts with your response to Christ, with that teachable spirit, with that humble faith, with that love for the gospel, and then that greater context, that greater environment that God cultivates by his Spirit in your heart, spills over into your relationship with your husband. Your relationship with your husband is simply one application of the broader work of grace that God is doing to conform you to the image of Christ. You must see it that way.

You cannot separate the two. Humble faith, teachable spirit, attention to the gospel. Now thirdly, it says it's a submission to your husband, it's a submission to the Lord.

Thirdly, it's a submission that is based on authority, on the right to rule and lead. And there's simply no avoiding the fact, even if it would gain us temporary applause from the world, there is no avoiding the fact, and we don't want to avoid the fact, that God has given to men the position of leadership in the home. Look at verse 23. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, his body and is himself its savior. Paul points to the position of Christ over the church. Is there any question in anyone's mind who thinks it all biblically that Christ rules over his church, that Christ has authority and prerogative over the church which he purchased with his own precious blood?

There should be no question or doubt or rebellion against that. It's that principle, that broader principle of Christ over the church that Paul appeals to as the pattern to establish the role of the husband in the Christian home. And so, the head refers to the place of authority.

We talk about the head of a corporation, the head of a department or something like that, and we recognize that this is the person who has the final decision-making capacity. And what Paul is saying here is that he wants wives to line up under the authority that God instituted. Your submission is in keeping with that God-given dignity.

It is not a matter of inferiority. It is a matter of a God-assigned role. And when Christ sovereignly saved you and drew you to himself, he asserted his authority over your soul. He set you apart, he sanctified you so that you would belong to him and be an instrument of the execution of his will, of obedience to him, and this is part of it. The husband has authority.

The wife loves and honors him as she honors and loves Christ himself. Now, fourth point here is that submission is comprehensive. Submission is comprehensive. And here in this final point, I'm going to address just briefly some of the difficult issues and questions that people naturally ask. But before we ask, here's an important point, beloved. This is an important point. Before we ask the difficult questions, well, what if the husband's abusive?

Or what does that mean that the wife has no say in anything? Before we ask difficult questions like that, we have to establish the guiding general comprehensive principle and then deal with the difficult questions later. You don't start with the difficult questions and then force Scripture to say something that it doesn't really say. You let Scripture speak and then you work out the application in light of the guiding general principles. And so point number four here, submission is comprehensive.

Remembering I'm going to address just ever so briefly some of the difficulties that come along. Look at verse 24 with me. Now, as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Wives should submit in everything to their husbands. It's not limited to when you think your husband is right. We submit to Christ because of his authority.

The wife submits because of the authority that Christ has given to the husbands. Now, there's a very endearing and sweet little story that I want to tell you from a prior episode in ministry. There was a dear, godly young man and a dear, godly young woman who had been together for a while and I had the inestimable privilege as a pastor of talking to them together and individually as their relationship progressed. So it's kind of like one of those movies where you know what's happening but the characters in the movie don't necessarily know what's happening.

You know, whatever that literary principle is called. And so the man was moving at his own pace which was not the preferred pace of the young woman. She wanted to hurry this thing up. She was ready to be married to this fine, young, godly man. And she poured her heart out to me. And I just asked her, I said, you want to follow this man, right? She said, yeah, I really do. I love him. I respect him.

It was all very sweet. And I said, but you want to follow him on your timetable, is that it? Ah, then the lights went on. To follow the guy and follow meant that you followed his timing.

You didn't dictate the timing to him. Well, in like manner, ladies, this is where it comes, where the rubber meets the road. And they ended up together. They're happy. I'm happy about their relationship.

It's all very, very good. It was just that moment where the principle of submission came clearer to her, where she said, ah, if I'm going to follow him and pattern my life in submission to him, then I wait on him to make the decision in his time rather than insisting that it be on my time. And there you go. This duty, ladies, of which we speak, Scripture makes it very plain. This duty applies even when your husband is unworthy of it.

Look over at 1 Peter for just a moment. 1 Peter chapter 3, verses 1 and 2. What do you do when your husband is unworthy of it, when he's not worthy of being followed in your judgment? Well, Scripture addresses that specifically. Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives when they see your respectful and pure conduct. Scripture says, yes, it's as if God says, yes, I understand that your husband may be disobedient.

He may very well not be the loving, sacrificial man that we read about later in Hebrews chapter 5. Your response is not to scold him, not to nag him, not to beat him to death with it, but to go back to your Lord and say, Lord, help me manifest this submission to you. And Christ says that as you do that, the path forward is by keeping your lip zipped, so to speak, by holding the tongue that so much wants to say something and vindicate and set things right, and by your respectful, pure, loving, gracious conduct, over time to win your husband if the Lord would give you that grace.

It goes back to a principle we've said many, many times. When your husband is unworthy of your submission, you play the long game. You obey Christ and follow in submission rather than rebelling and objecting to it. Along with that, ladies, the dignified wife, the Christian wife, she considers how it is that she uses her tongue, how she uses her tongue. Look over at Proverbs 19 with me for a moment. Proverbs chapter 19, verses 13 and 14.

I can only point you to this. A foolish son is ruined to his father, and a wife's quarreling is a continual dripping of rain. The drip, drip, drip of a leaky faucet, drip, drip, drip of a leaky roof, nothing's going to fix that, and it's not one drip that's the problem. It's the continual cumulative weight of it all that this incessantly never stops. A wife like that, a wife who quarrels with her husband, is like that annoyance that we all can understand and relate to. Scripture says don't be like that. To the contrary, verse 14, house and wealth are inherited from fathers, but a prudent wife is from the Lord. And so submission to the husband, submission to the Lord, submission that is based on authority, submission that is comprehensive. That's what Scripture calls the dignified woman to do and to be. Now the principle is clear.

The applications are many, and I'm not going to expand on these at all. I'm just going to make these statements. If you find yourself in a difficult position in your marriage and you don't know what to do, you can come to the elders.

We'll find someone to help you, talk to, help you work through these things. Let me just say a couple of things to clarify this. Wives certainly are free to speak. They are free to express their opinions.

They are free to make appeals. Sweetheart, have you considered this? I know this is your decision, but have you considered this? And men, your wife is entitled to ask questions like that and get reasonable, loving, patient interaction from you. Maybe your wife knows better than you do. The fact that the wife is in a duty of submission does not mean that she is necessarily less intelligent than her husband. It's often just the reverse, and the smart, intelligent, godly man will listen to his wife, and the husband who does not listen to his wife and does not care for what she says, we'll address that in the week to come. Wives have skills that should be used in marriage. It was a great blessing from God to me.

You know, I don't know which end of the hammer to use. It was a great blessing from God to me to give me a wife who knows how to do all of that stuff. I'm still retaining my man card even as she fixes the plumbing and does the other things that Nancy does. Wives have skills that should be used in marriage, and only a fool would keep her from doing so. Wives can appeal to elders when things are intolerable in the home and are entitled to a sympathetic hearing when they do. And one other thing, the principle of submission does not mean that wives have to tolerate physical abuse. If there were ever an instance, and I just want you men to hear this loud and clear, if it ever occurred within Truth Community Church that a man was physically abusive to his wife, I want you to know I'm telling you in advance what our counsel to that woman will be.

You call the authorities and we will support you. The fact that she is in submission does not mean that the husband is entitled to rain his fists down upon her and she suffers in silence. The authorities are established to restrain that kind of evil within society, and if it comes to that, a wife is entitled to appeal to a separate authority to address the abuse of authority that her husband is exercising upon her. Those little examples, four of them there at the end, simply to give you a sense that the principles are clear, the way it works out in difficult situations is something that the Church, that the elders, that Scripture show us the way. Your husband can be a dunce, and Scripture says you win him without a word, but there are lines that the husband cannot cross, and in light of what follows in Ephesians 5, it will be obvious that the dignified man, the dignified husband, the godly Christian in his marriage would never think of going that way anyway, and that's what we'll have the privilege of seeing beginning next Sunday. Let's pray together as we go to the Lord. Dear Father, every person, every man and woman is different, and certainly every marriage has its strengths and weaknesses, and Father, there's unique opportunities, challenges, and encouragements within each of these sacred bonds. I pray for our dear ladies before me, Father. I pray that you would strengthen them to be women of Christ, and then everything else will flow as a result of that. And for us men, Father, often so unworthy of the submission that you call our wives to give to us, Father, may we be receptive and teachable in the Scriptures that are about to come as we continue to consider this institution of marriage, and when marriage gets difficult, Father, help us all to line ourselves up, to draw nearer to Christ, and as we do, the Spirit will work and shape us into the people that you would have us to be. Help us to that end, and Father, for those that are here not knowing Christ at all, may you by your Spirit, Father, help them to know that a blood atonement was made for sinners just like them, and peace with God is found in Christ alone. May they turn to that one true mediator by faith alone and enter safely into your heavenly kingdom.

We pray in Jesus' name, amen. Just before we close, my friends, I just want to let you know that this podcast is made possible for you by the generous support of many friends of our ministry. We're grateful for that, and if you have supported us, I want to say a special word of thanks to you for all that you've done to make this possible, and if you would like to join in the support of our ministry, you can do that so easily by going to thetruthpulpit.com.

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Know that our love and prayers are with you. Thank you for joining us. We'll see you next time as we continue to study God's Word together here on The Truth Pulpit. That's Don Green, founding pastor of Truth Community Church in Cincinnati, Ohio. Thank you so much for listening to The Truth Pulpit. Join us next time for more as we continue teaching God's people God's Word.