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Enjoy it, share it, but most of all, thank you for listening and for choosing the Truth Podcast Network. Welcome back to The Christian Perspective. I'm so excited on Fridays. I love Fridays because I always get to have a time with Connie Albers and we talk about family issues. But I want to welcome you to The Christian Perspective today.
You know, this is where we look in God's Word in order to develop a Christian worldview and modern culture. And I'm just so thankful for the Citizens for America Foundation who brings us this show each week and for Mid-America Baptist Theological Seminary where we broadcast from, just giving us a great studio to work out of. I'm thankful today, Connie.
I'm excited. I always look forward to Fridays, Connie, because I get to learn about family issues and there's nobody who knows more than you about family issues. Thanks, Chris. I'm always delighted to be with you. Family Friday is kind of fun, isn't it? I'm glad your listeners get to tune in to us and I hope that they've tuned in Monday through Thursday as well because those shows are equally important in helping parents and helping families and really our country as we point people to the Lord as they navigate all the seasons of their lives, not just parenting and family.
So it's really exciting. Well, I think God was in this, you know, so for the other four days of the week, everybody's listening to me rant and rave about politics and what's going on in the culture and all the crazy things that I get worked up about. And I think it's kind of good how God just gave us this time on Fridays as people are winding down from their work week and getting ready to go home and spend a couple of days with their families and where we can look in God's Word and listen to some of the sage and sound advice and wisdom that you have to share with us. And really take the time to concentrate on our families. I know when our kids were growing up, weekends, you know, I think weekends are probably special for everybody because they're not at work hopefully as much. But I know we always tried to make weekends a big deal with our family. I think I've mentioned with you on the show before that Friday nights, we would usually have pizza night, try to create some traditions, which I think are important. Maybe we do a show on that sometime.
I think there's a lot of, it's important to have traditions in your family. And our kids always look forward to Friday night because we would have pizza night. And then we would have what I call pajama party night where they could sit in bed with me for a while and Vicky and we would watch movies together. And I'm just going down rabbit trails here, Connie, before we jump into what we're going to talk about today.
So I'm going to throw a curveball at you. I'm going to ask you, did your family ever go camping? I can't believe you asked that. Yes, camping was a huge part of our family's getaway time. Ours had a spin on it, Chris. You've heard me talk about community and doing life with other people. And one of the ways we did that is twice a year, there would be eight to 10 families and we would all go camping together. And so the kids would be running around with their friends and some of us are basketball players or kids from church. And then the parents would sit around and talk. So evenings are a wonderful time, but twice a year we would go camping. Not even far from our house.
We just made it kind of local because people are busy. Those have turned out to be some of our kids fondest memories. I agree, Connie. I don't know if you I don't even know if he's still alive, but there was a great Christian. I guess he was like a family therapist. His name was Dr. Gary Smalley. You've probably met him or read some of his works. You know, I'm talking about Dr. Smalley.
Yes, I do. And Dr. Smalley, in one of his books, just as our kids were about the time they were born, I saw him at several conferences and started reading some of his books. And he talks about a lot about how families should go camping.
And I really take you down a rabbit trail here. I'm sorry, but I'm going to share some camping memories for a minute. And then we get to talk about what we need to be talking about. But Dr. Smalley says that families should go camping because there's always a disaster. And it's a problem when it happens. But then, you know, by your family going through these situations, it brings everybody closer together.
And then it gives you where they're grown. It gives all these great memories that they have to look back on. And so I'm going to share two things that happened. I won't share all the different camping trips, but we used to love to go camping. And it's hard now with the kids grown, you know, to get them. I'm praying that when they have their children one day that we'll be able to carve out time to camp again.
Of course, the older I get, that's going to be harder sleeping on the ground. But Connie, we used to live in Hawaii. I've shared with you, Vicki was in the military and we were stationed in Hawaii for a while. And there are some beautiful campgrounds in the military actually had this wonderful campground called Bellows on the water. And it's actually the area where attack on Pearl Harbor was taking place that morning. The radio signalman who heard the planes coming was at this used to be an airfield called Bellows Airfield. And he heard planes coming, but they were expecting planes. I'm getting off on history.
I'm really on rabbit trails today. They were expecting planes coming in from the mainland from California. So he didn't think anything of it when he heard planes on his you know, they don't have the radars and that kind of thing like we have today. He just heard these noises and he was expecting planes from California.
So he didn't call anybody. It was actually the Japanese coming to attack Pearl Harbor. But anyway, where that happened is now like a military campground in Hawaii. So one one year we were going to go camping and I ordered this tent.
I got I think I got it from Sam's Club. Anyway, I got this really big tent. So let me just give some unasked for advice for you as you were listening. Yes, you need to go camping. But here's the advice. Put up the tent before you go camping so you know what you're doing. So and particularly don't yet don't put it up for the first time in the dark. If you are an idiot like me and don't know how I'm not mechanical or I don't have my son's studying to be aerospace engineer and my dad was engineering and built bridges and stuff like that.
I did not get that gene. So this particular time we had this new tent. We've been working up this, you know, getting the kids excited.
We were going camping and they were going to sit by a fire and have s'mores and all this stuff. Well, Connie, we drive across island of Hawaii over the mountain ridge to the other side of the island of this bellows place. And and it is pouring down rain. And and I'm blind in the dark anyway. There are no lights because, you know, you're at a campground.
It's not like KOA. OK, it's kind of a remote campsite. And it's pouring down rain. And we tried for an hour and a half to put that tent up because we couldn't find the poles to hold the sides.
We got it all staked out on the on the sides and is pouring down rain. And I got to tell you, this preacher was not very godly at that moment. I just got madder and madder and madder. And Vicky's tired of hearing me get mad.
The kids are upset because it's raining and cold. And and and we get in the car. So I've had it. We take everything apart, put it back in the in the vehicle, get ready to leave and get in the car and start the engine. And I look across the hood of the truck and right there are all those poles that I'd looked for for an hour and a half sitting on the hood of the car.
So we we go through it again. We put the tent up. And so the next morning I had on flip flops.
So this is more advice. Don't cook breakfast in flip flops. And I had a cast iron scale on fire and I'm trying to show off to the kids, you know, I'm going to be the real man and cook breakfast over the fire.
Not going to use the gas cooker or anything like that. And I've got a big old frying pan slam full of bacon and the grease is it was cheap bacon. So there's lots of grease, you know, it's not really. And and I get up to move and I kicked by mistake that frying pan and all that grease from that bacon landed on my foot and immediately. OK, so this is going to grow some people out. But you know how you have straps on the top of the flip flop.
My foot immediately blistered in the blisters, covered the straps or couldn't really get the flip flops off. And it was it was just terrible. Now, my son immediately, who's always pointing out God's will and all that, basically informs me.
You know, what was he? Maybe maybe six or seven years old tells me that God's punishing me for getting so mad the night before the rain. But anyway, I mean, at the time, none of that was funny.
We ended up having a great weekend, even though I was limping around really for weeks later. But but the kids look back on that now. I probably I can't believe I share that story, but but but something always it it's usually in our family.
I'm the one that things usually happen to. So so the kids love to laugh about it now. But I would really encourage people to go camping.
I have no idea how I got on that or why I started talking about that. But I guess going into the weekend and as spring will be here soon, I would encourage people to take their families camping. Right. Right.
Well, we never had those types. We had some experiences, but nothing that that severe. However, I think that's a great story and it's a perfect segue into talking about a family legacy, a family name. And that's really what we're going to talk about today on our show together is building a family legacy which is full of memories, mishaps, glitches, even being upset and forgiving one another and also confessing when we get when we do lose our cool, which, you know, we're not perfect.
That's going to happen. So I love that you shared that story. Mine aren't as full of the drama of that. But we certainly had, you know, a couple of broken bones here or there. And when you have eight families, which is what we had, there's there's shenanigans that happen. There's, you know, mishaps. There's downpours where everybody's sleeping bag and such get get soaked and you spend half your day at a laundromat.
But or if you're near one. But, you know, that's a memory maker. And when we think about building a family legacy, there's two parts of that. It's, you know, what God has for our family, knowing what God has for our family. And that's what we raise a godly generation. And the other is creating those moments. Like you said, you're sitting around the Thanksgiving table and everybody.
Oh, I remember the time I'd kick the frying pan and everybody laughed at your expense. So there those those are some components of building a family legacy. So I look forward to jumping into our show today. Yeah, it's going to be so we're going to I'm going to talk for a second before we take our commercial break and then we're going to jump in. So, you know, I encourage other people to if you're listening to develop traditions and fun things that you do so you really can have a legacy of your family.
So, you know, you're listening to Christian perspective. Connie Albers and I are here today. It's family Friday and we're going to just today we're just going to kind of have fun and talk about legacy. And when we come back from the commercial break, I want to share a little story about my father, Connie, and kind of honor him for a minute and his legacy.
And then I can't wait because I know you're writing a new book and this is a big part of what you're talking about. So, folks, stick around. We'll be right back with more of the Christian perspective after these messages. This show is brought to you by Generous Joe's, the coffee company with the Christian perspective.
This is the answer that Christians and conservatives have been looking for. A coffee company that gives back to causes you care about. Order your coffee today at shopgenerousjoes.org and even subscribe to a subscription coffee plan and never forget the coffee you love or the causes you care about. Walk in the footsteps of Jesus and see the Bible come to life. This December, join nationally syndicated radio host and founder of the Citizens for America Foundation, Dr. Chris Hughes, on a life-changing trip to Israel. It's one of the world's oldest and most fascinating travel destinations. Learn the faithful from all over the world for thousands of years. Visit Jerusalem's religious quarters and explore Christianity's most treasured religious sites like the Wailing Wall, the Dome of the Rock, and the Via Dolorosa. Walk with Chris through the winding alleyways of Nazareth's old city and visit ancient Bethlehem, the place of our Savior's birth. Float in the Dead Sea, visit the Sea of Galilee and the Jewish fortress of Masada. See firsthand where the events of the Bible took place. Touring Israel with Dr. Chris Hughes is a travel odyssey like no other.
Visit citizensforamericafoundation.com and get ready for an unforgettable trip and memories that will last a lifetime. Do you desire to build family relationships that stand the test of time? Does creating a godly family seem like a daunting challenge?
You're not alone. I'm Connie Yaupers, author of Parenting Beyond the Rules and host of Equipped to Be. As a mother of five, I understand your struggles. For 35 years, I have been helping families just like yours build lasting relationships.
I'd like to invite you to tune in to Equipped to Be and visit ConnieYaupers.com where I share useful tips and proven strategies to help you navigate the seasons of motherhood, faith, and life with confidence and joy. History was made on today's date. Stay tuned for an American Minute with Bill Federer. March 4th was Inauguration Day up until 1937 when it was changed to January 20th. Every president acknowledged a supreme being in their inaugural address. Thomas Jefferson referred to, that infinite power which rules the destinies of the universe. Andrew Jackson, my fervent prayer to that almighty being. Abraham Lincoln, the almighty has his own purposes. FDR, we humbly ask the blessing of God. John F. Kennedy, the rights of man come not from the generosity of the state but from the hand of God. This has been an American Minute with Bill Federer.
For a free transcript, call American Minute at 1-888-USA-WORD. Welcome back to The Christian Perspective. Connie Yaupers and I are so excited that you're here with us today. You know, every Friday you just need to mark your calendar. It's Family Fridays and we talk about issues that pertain to the family. And today we're talking about legacies of families and it's so important for us to build a legacy for our children and grandchildren.
If you look in the Bible, it's really something that is biblical all throughout the Bible, particularly in the Old Testament. There's example after example of people who did leave a legacy and how God instructed them to leave a legacy. Connie, this is kind of timely for me.
I've shared with you a little bit when we're not on air. My father, although I'll believe it when I see it, just recently retired and it was a time for me to kind of reflect on his life and the legacy that he has left. My father is in marine construction, Connie, so he builds like big bridges. For example, the bridge in Charleston. He was part of that, that giant bridge in Charleston and some big bridges around the world and like cruise ship piers around the world. And for a while did a lot of work with the Navy. In fact, when I was in college, we were in Charleston, South Carolina at that time.
And he built the first what they call double decker pier for the United States Navy, which was kind of an innovative thing for them because then they could unload and load stuff, not just off of one level, but two levels at one time and make some of the work that they were doing at the time much more efficient. So because of that, we moved, Connie, all over the world. So I think by the time I got married, I'd moved more than 40 times.
I went to four different high schools. The longest we ever lived anywhere when I was growing up was two and a half years. And then I got married and encouraged my wife to join the military. And so, boy, that wasn't smart thinking. So, you know, with Vicky, she was I mean, sometimes we moved as soon as 10 months, the longest we ever lived anywhere.
And I thank the Lord for this was a good one. Usually we never lived anywhere longer than two and a half years. But when Vicky was stationed in Hawaii, we were actually there three years. And so we had to suffer for Jesus in Hawaii, Connie, for three years.
But anyway, I love it. But anyway, so my dad recently retired and and I was just thinking about the legacy that he's left. I mean, one, there's a legacy in that he built these big bridges and cruise ship terminals and stuff that many people driven across.
They didn't know he had anything to do with it. But, you know, for 40 or 50 years after he's dead, that will still kind of be there as a monument of something he did. But really, the legacy that we as parents can live leave for our kids is so important. And I know that's what you wanted to talk a little bit about today is how important it is for us to build and leave a legacy within our family.
What you said is so true. There are things we do as parents and that we are leaving a legacy. Sometimes it's intentional. You know, we're intentionally trying to model godly behavior. We're intentionally trying to tend to the needs of our children. But oftentimes what we find happening is we're we're focusing on the outward behavior of maybe our children. And when I talk about building a family legacy division, I want parents to see is the legacy of attending to their child's heart. Oftentimes we're looking at the behavior. And that's normal because, you know, men, we tend to look at internal external behavior. But God's looking at the heart. And part of building a family name is knowing the legacy piece that you said when your father is gone.
You know what? What will be said about him? He built bridges. He was this phenomenal.
He built piers. But there is more than that. He modeled probably awesome work ethic and characteristics and character traits that you will that you have emulated and that you have now passed on to your children as you raise your children.
And God willing, they'll continue that cycle. The other part is like how he how he fathered imperfectly. You know, we we parent our children imperfectly because we are imperfect.
And why should we expect anything else? Adam and Eve struggled. I mean, our model from the get go had some, you know, non perfect moments in them that caused a ripple effect throughout all of creation. And so when we when I talk often about building a family legacy, there's something important about not overlooking the small things that we that our kids do that.
I rolled across arms. You know, forgetting to turn the devices off or your kids saying something and you you look at them because they're not really honoring or respecting the position that God has for you. So as we talk about our our family's legacy, there's something about a name. There's something about the name of Jesus.
There's power in that name. And when we think about building a family legacy and leaving a family legacy, the legacy we want them to see and understand and comprehend is that one, our children know, just like within your family, even though you moved a lot, your kids knew where they belong. That our kids have a sense of belonging. I belong here, that it was on purpose by design that God placed your two precious children in your family in the order that they were placed in your family. As my kids, there's a reason that one was placed in the first position and one was in the last position of being, you know, number five in our family. And part of when we build a family legacy, Chris, is making sure we explained that there was intentionality.
It wasn't just, hey, guess what? You showed up as number one or number two or number five or, you know, you're the fifth child or the birth order. But God was intentional about two things. About one, placing your children within your family that God saw fit for you and Vicki and Tom and I to have the children that we have in the order that we had them. They have a purpose there, that they belong in our family. Their identity is first found in Christ but then found within the family unit. And that is something that families are struggling with. They're struggling with it now because they don't understand the value and the importance of it. But great families have a legacy, a legacy not just of power, position and prestige, but of cohesiveness, of relationships, close relationships. Of understanding and the ability to communicate with one another.
Does that make sense? Yeah, it really does, Connie. I was sitting here trying to think of, you know, the importance that really well beyond our lifetimes, Connie, the legacy that you and Tom have with your children and the things that you have taught your children and taught them to love the Lord.
And the same with Vicki and me and our kids. That legacy is not just to our immediate family. And I think we don't think about that as parents and our listeners that are listening. Really the things that you do today matter. I like to tell people sometimes when I go speak different places that every action you take, every decision you make matters. And it matters to the legacy that we leave for our family for generations to come. Yes, it reminds me of something I often share that God does not, you know, God doesn't see our flaws and fears.
He sees our obedience and willingness to trust him in shepherding and parenting and teaching and training our children. We don't always know how to do this. And we don't always have great role models in our parents. You know, probably half of the listeners don't want to repeat their childhood. They did not have a legacy that was either exemplary in vocation, profession, accomplishments or in character. They just, they didn't have that. And I know many of you that are listening to the program, you're starting from scratch and you're trying to figure out, well, how do I do this?
How do I, I don't even have a model to, you know, to go by. You do. And that's in God's word. I mean, God's word is the blueprint. And sometimes we just need a little help understanding how to apply the principles that God teaches because we know that in Proverbs where it says honor your father and mother that it may be well with you. And you're like, great, I've told my children that till I'm blue in the face and I still get disrespected or they're not understanding how do I demand honor.
Well, you don't demand honor and you can't command respect. Those are earned. Those are also something the child has to understand that God commands them. They have a responsibility as being a member of our family that they're needed. They're needed because there's a void without them.
Without their presence in our family, our family wouldn't be what it is. Like you were talking about your son being an aeronautical engineer and, you know, he brings what you don't have. And that's that ability to be, you know, the structural, the engineering component of it. And yet you have a component. I don't know about your son as far as his cooking abilities, but you're also very good at cooking and communicating and communicating God's word. You have such a passion for God's word and for our country and our kids need to understand that vital role that they play in what becomes our family name.
Yeah, that's that's really powerful. I'm sitting here thinking about when you're talking about a few minutes ago how we need to have a model. And Connie, sometimes that is so difficult, I think, for some parents to deal with because we live in a society where there's a huge divorce rate and maybe families are separated or, you know, they didn't have a father or a mother or whatever the case may be. And they sometimes don't know how to model that. But you brought out a great point and that our true model is not the imperfect, imperfect humans and our imperfect parents. But the true model is Jesus Christ. And God created the family in the Bible and he gives us the example of the perfect model that he had in mind. And it's all throughout God's word.
And if we look at what God's word tells us and the legacy that it leaves, then we can find the perfect model of what God intended for us to have. You know, as Christians and as those as followers of Jesus Christ, we're going to take a break here. But in just a minute, we're going to continue our conversation. Connie and I are talking about legacies within families and the importance of leaving a legacy to our children and grandchildren, really setting an example with our own families. So we encourage you to stick around. We're going to take a quick commercial break and we come back. We're going to talk about how you can model for your family and be an example to your children and your spouse, too, which I think we need to talk about, Connie.
So we'll be right back. of discovering the hidden secrets of Washington, D.C. and rediscover much of America's forgotten Christian heritage. Your tour will include an up close and personal look at the nation's establishment and how it's evolved over the centuries. Learn about the government and the men who helped forge this new kind of republic, one that acknowledged the creator from its very inception.
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Visit our website today at ConservativeBaptistNetwork.com to learn how you and your church can join and support this exciting movement. Welcome back to the Christian perspective. It's family Friday and Connie Albers and I are talking about leaving a legacy for our families and how it's important for us to model for our families is what we're talking about right before we took the commercial break. Connie, you were stepping on my toes some. I was thinking about how I've not always been the model that I needed to be for my family. We're all imperfect and we do things differently. When I was younger, Connie, and hopefully you'll never see this side of me, I had sometimes, as people might say, a bad temper. I had high expectations for people. I had high goals and I expected more than I should from people sometimes and I would become frustrated when those things didn't come about.
And I wasn't leaving a good legacy and I wasn't being a good example. And thank the Lord, Vicki and I, I mean, I wasn't happy about it at the time, but God knew what he was doing. We were married for 15 years and thought that we could not have children. And then finally something magic happened 15 years into the marriage and we had our daughter and then a couple of years later had our son. But I came to the point where I realized that I was not leaving the legacy I needed to leave and not modeling what a godly man and godly husband should be. And I had to make a conscious decision that I wasn't just going to fly off the handle and get mad all the time, except for maybe, Connie, the camping trip in the rain.
Sometimes it would still slip out. But I realized that our children watch us, Connie, all the time. And they look at what we do as parents and how we, even if they never say anything, they're watching and they see how we react to different situations. And I can't tell my son not to have anger issues if he sees me being angry all the time. So we have to make a conscious decision to model what God has called us to model.
And our actions are a choice. And I would just challenge our parents today that you need to model what God would have you model as a husband, a wife, a father, a mother, whatever it may be. And really not just to our kids, what we've been talking about is to our kids, Connie, but really for our spouse as well. I love that you shared that.
And I love that we're transparent. I see my childhood was a 180 from yours. My family is a very broken family with lots of drama. And when I grew up, I just knew what I didn't want. I didn't have a model of what how to build a family look like.
And I just knew what I saw was was 180 of what I wanted. And that became, you know, to be honest with you. So for those of you, as you mentioned, you know, being raised with divorce or a broken home. Yes, I raised my hand that was me to a T. I actually didn't desire to get married. I was a very I was a career minded focused woman. I was going to conquer the world, probably in my yearbook. It doesn't it's not in my yearbook, but probably in my yearbook, it would have said most likely to become president or to, you know, be CEO of something because my mother raised me to be very independent and not in interdependent at all. It was be independent, take care of yourself.
The world is out to get you. And that was the mindset that I was raised with. So my poor husband, and we have been married for 37 years, my poor husband had to, you know, walk with me, as God was transforming me into becoming the woman that he wanted to be. And as parents, I really want you to hear your your legacy doesn't have to be something you've been gifted from it from your parents, you may be starting from scratch, but God is in the business of helping you when you surrender to him. When you when you desire to seek and become that, that man or woman of God, that mom and dad that wants to change, maybe your family legacy, maybe that's not what you wanted.
You want something new. Here's some things, Chris, that I know parents need to know, because the picture can become blurry. We're imperfect. And I do often think that's quite ironic.
God takes imperfect parents, and imperfect kids, and he says, Now, I want your family to bring glory to me. You think, you know, I don't know how you're going to do that, Lord. I don't know how that whole thing plays out. But it does. And it can. But parents need to remember a couple things, that you're not always going to be in sync with your kids. They're not always going to agree with you.
And they're not going to agree. You're not going to agree with them always, that it's normal to experience difficult seasons. It could be seasons of waiting, it could be seasons of trial, it could be seasons of resistance.
And for some, it could be seasons of rebellion. But that is, that it is normal. And mostly because you're raising a human being with a soul, a body, a mind, a will, a purpose. And you also have hopes and dreams for your child, maybe even hopes and dreams, you know, for your family.
And so sometimes, Chris, that can become blurry. But when we stop and we ask the Lord to reveal those areas and correct them, to give us insight into what's going on in our child's heart, like I mentioned in the first segment, what's going on in your child's heart, God knows what you don't know. And then ask your kids to help you. Be humble enough to go to them and say, hey, I'm desiring to be the best mom and dad. And I know I don't get it right.
Is there a way, can you tell me? What am I doing that kind of irritates you? And they'll be quick to tell you. I don't think I'd have enough time if I asked my kids when I didn't irritate them.
It might take a while. I know. And for me, I'm still hearing about all the things. As I write in Parenting Beyond the Rules, people often ask me about Parenting Beyond the Rules. I'm like, yes, I don't share my kids' stories. I have enough of my own misgivings and shortfalls.
I just share about my mom mishaps. And the goal is to let people know there is not perfect. It's not done perfectly. But when you ask them, and so the other thing to ask is, you ask the Lord, because God is in the business of changing us. We can't change our children, and our children can't change us.
But I know the one that does, and that's the Lord. And sometimes it's our kids just wanting freedom as they're getting older. And Mom and Dad, we know how unsafe our society is. We know the dangers. We know drugs are on every corner.
They're slipping in through social media apps. And Chris, we should do a segment on technology one time, one week, just on helping parents with the navigation, taming technology. But our kids are faced with insurmountable temptations and obstacles, and the enemy and friends whispering in their ear.
And honestly, Chris, there are blatant attacks on the authority of Mom and Dad. And when our kids understand that God established them, that God placed them within the family unit on purpose, with a purpose, by design, and that they're needed within the family, and without their support, without their participation, without them giving to the family, instead of just taking and being reciprocal, and being entitled to something that belongs to us. When they start to see that we are a family, and our family is going to do life together, the good, the bad, the ugly, the bacon spills, the tent failures, the burnt dinners, the miscommunications, the accusations that were wrong. When our kids start to see that Mom and Dad love me no matter what, that's a reflection of the Lord loving us no matter what.
When our kids are able to come to us and say, you know, I know I had a really bad attitude, and I've taken it out on you. And I'm purposely fighting against you. And they'll have their reasons. And they know that, hey, we're doing this together. You know, it's like a raft on a white water rapid.
We're getting bounced around in all different directions, in all manner of ways. What we teach our children, Chris, our kids are being taught the opposite by culture. And they're like, what do I believe? Oh, you're just Mom and Dad. Yes, I am just Mom and Dad. And I am just Mom and Dad placed in this position of authority because God has placed me there.
I am to watch over and protect. And Chris, I would often tell my kids, you know, that door to the house, it locks from the inside. Not to keep people in, you know, not as a prison, not as a trying to contain our family, but to protect them from intruders coming in.
And they're welcome as they get older. You're welcome to leave. That door doesn't lock from, the door is not double bolted.
It's from the inside. But we want to do life together. And it requires enormous communication skills. It requires humility of thought and action and word and deed.
And it requires two sets of, you know, or in our case, seven people with unique personalities and temperaments and interests. It requires us understanding one another and meeting them where they are and parenting the child we have, not the parent we wish we had. Or, you know, that parent on social media who has the perfect kids because just look at the post. But the parents, the children that we have and for our children understanding, hey, listen, you didn't get to pick us and we didn't get to pick you. God was in this.
He chose you to be born into family. And God has blessed us with you. And we're going to be the best parents we can be. And we're going to parent you the best that we can because we have a goal to accomplish. There's something we're aiming at here. Boy, Connie, that is you're you're preaching to me.
I'm taking notes as you talk. This is this is so good. So, y'all, this is why you need to listen to Family Fridays. Connie Albers just has a wealth of information today.
We're talking about legacy. And and I love, Connie, how you're talking about doing life as a family and and how we have to navigate those communication skills and humility and the interest of each member of that family. But God put us there together.
And I don't think we always calm down when we get worked up, but realize that God created this family unit and he did it for a reason. Folks, we're going to take another commercial break and we'll come back for the last segment as we wrap up talking about the importance of having a legacy with our family. So stick around.
We'll be right back with more Family Friday with Connie Albers. A brand is a design, name, symbol or any other feature that sets an organization or individual apart. Bringing that brand to life can be difficult, but Diggs Design is here to help you take that next step or re-energize your current situation.
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You're not alone. I'm Connie Alpers, author of Parenting Beyond the Rules and host of Equipped to Be. As a mother of five, I understand your struggles. For 35 years, I have been helping families just like yours build lasting relationships.
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Visit citizensforamericafoundation.com today and secure your spot to join Chris Hughes in Washington, D.C. this June. Well, we've been talking, as you know, today about leaving a legacy in our families, and, boy, Connie, you've just given such great advice as you've talked about the differences that we have in our families. And just the whole time you're talking, just all these memories of things that happened in our family. I love how you, as we were ending up the last segment, you mentioned Facebook for a minute and the perfect family on Facebook. And, you know, I think all of us are guilty or probably mean more than others of sometimes of, you know, posting things on Facebook where people get the impression. Particularly kids will, well, I wish, you know, that our family was more like them or we did things like their family did. And you have to remember that Facebook is just people putting stuff. You're not seeing all the stuff that is going on behind the scenes.
Nobody, nobody has a perfect family, and, you know, a lot of pain and suffering takes place in every family, and we have to work together as a family unit to accomplish what God has called us to do. And I know we're not talking about Facebook today. We need to talk about, sometimes I get carried away posting things about my kids, and I know other parents sometimes comment to me about, you know, you brag too much about the kids. But I guess I'm justifying, but I'm not doing it. Most of the posts I make about my kids, so hopefully they're not listening here, Connie, so I won't get in trouble. Those posts are not really for anybody else. I mean, I know other people see them, but I'm not posting for other people. I really could care less who else sees it. A big part of why I post things on Facebook is I'm signaling to them, because I know it's a real issue in our society today. You know, a lot of kids don't have a daddy in their life, and when I post something, I'm saying, hey, you know what, Holman, or you know what, Christian, I'm very proud of what you've done.
And daddy loves you, and daddy's proud of you. I don't do it for other people to see. Really, I have an audience of one when I'm posting about that particular child, but I probably need to rein it in some, because I get carried away. But we were talking about legacy, but do you think that having certain traditions in your family also helped build that legacy, Connie?
Oh, absolutely. You know, in our first segment when we were talking about camping and you mentioned traditions, oftentimes people think they have to be this huge event. That's going to be the tradition, and that lasts for a year or two until life hits or finances are tight. And they're like, well, we can't do the big old family vacation this year.
We can't go skiing, or we can't do this and that. Traditions are something simple. They're the little things, and I often tell parents, Chris, focus on the little things that you're doing. Those are the lasting things. Those are the conversations we have around the dinner table. For instance, we get together as a family every Tuesday night, and most families are like, how do you pull that off?
Even though the kids are grown? Oh, yeah. There's ten of us now. Oh, that is great.
Yes. We have Taco Tuesday. There's this restaurant that we all go to, and whoever can make it, make it. What ends up happening is FOMO kicks in, and for your listeners, that's fear of missing out.
When they know, when that text message goes out every Tuesday afternoon, all we even have to say is, so it's Tuesday. Anybody feeling like having some tacos? We have a restaurant that we've chosen that is economical for the kids because, you know, they're all adults. We don't pay for dinners. We also know that their budgets are tight, but when they were little, Chris, family meals were an important part of our lives. They weren't gourmet. I had too many of them and too much going on to whip up something from scratch. But it was food, and my kids laugh and make fun of me because they would say, yeah, our treat was being able to go to the refrigerator and get some grapes.
I was very health conscious when the kids were growing up, and so, you know, we had a lot of fruits and veggies and such. But those traditions of laughter during meal times or everybody having a part to play in the meal prep. Somebody sets the table. Somebody cuts the lettuce. Somebody loads the dishwasher. Somebody helps with planning the menu.
There were a couple years, Chris, where one of my kids did the grocery shopping, and I did that on purpose. That child showed a propensity toward being a foodie, a person who was extremely interested in the color palette and the taste and the textures. Well, that child, that daughter, I write about her in my book, but she went on to get a double major in hospitality. She wanted to run a restaurant.
And now she's got her master's in health and nutrition, and she's got a business where she helps other families learn how to meal prep and how to eat healthy and cellular function. It all started from that one little tradition of making something matter. So it could be making cookies together. It could be exchanging a gift. It could be serving each other by one person cleaning up the other person's room just because they felt like it. Or an older sibling doing something extra kind for a younger sibling.
The tradition doesn't matter as much as making it a fun event for the family. Creating lasting memories. And Chris, when I talk about this, creating, I also mean creating defining moments. We sometimes think that we have to plan for them. Sometimes we create them. Sometimes we get in a rut where it's the same old, same old. Everyone's bored.
Everybody's maybe even frustrated with each other. We as parents can look for moments. We can create them. And then we talk about them. We talk about, oh, remember last week when so-and-so was playing a video game or when we were trying to go out and play a game in the backyard and so-and-so got fell and you immediately ran over. I'm writing the memories in their mind that I want them to draw when they're older. They come back and they remember those times. Connie, I think that's so important. I can't remember.
I'm sitting here trying to think of the name of the author. About 20 years ago, I heard a segment on Focus on the Family. I know that you've been on Focus on the Family and there was a man who wrote a book called Raising a Modern Day Night.
And Connie, that interview just really kind of changed my life because Vicki was pregnant with Christian about that time. And you're talking about creating special moments. This man particularly, so I'm really addressing fathers here, but I know that Vicki's been intentional with our daughter as well of, you know, like for certain events, they would go have high, you know, pretend to have like high tea and wear the fancy hats.
And, you know, I don't think anybody in England ever dressed her act like they acted at those tea parties. But for me with Christian, what I got from this, this man was talking about how fathers need to create intentional moments in their son's lives where there are big events. Like at 18 years old, what he did, and I did, so some people get nervous about this, he gave his son his first shotgun. At 21 years old, I don't remember what it was, there was, so throughout his life, there was a big moment like at 12, 18, 21.
And then when the guy, when the young man gets married. And so that particular father, the guy who authored the book, talked about at the wedding reception, when his son got married, you know, a lot of times fathers would get up and talk or whatever. And he had had, he had designed a family crest that his son didn't know about. And he presented a framed family crest for their family that he and his, you know, the son and his new wife at the wedding were given that they could hang prominently, you know, over the fireplace or somewhere in their home.
But talked about the elements of that family crest when he designed it, he designed it, you know, each part of that or picture within that crest had a purpose. But my point I'm trying to make, which I'm not sure exactly what you were saying, if it's going along with what you were saying, but you were talking about being purposeful and creating those moments. And that man said the exact same thing, that we need to create these moments of legacy where the family can look back and remember these particular things going on in their lives. They're really defining moments. They can be and they can be defining moments in a negative way as well. And we have those happen.
We have times where I just really want the listeners to realize we're not talking about doing this all right. We're going to make mistakes and building a family. Families are just imperfect because we're following nature. I mean, that's just we're a work in progress, everyone, and we will continue to make missteps and get back up. But when I think about possibly making some bad decisions that impact our families adversely, like you were saying earlier in the show, you had to work on some things as you were getting ready to become a father. There were certain characteristics or character qualities about yourself.
It wasn't like a light switch and you were able to change immediately, but you were intentional about changing those things. You know, parents, caregivers, ministry leaders, when those situations do happen, then we're still able to use those as a time of teaching to our children to realize, you know what, sweetie, son and daughter, when you get to be adults, you will also encounter pitfalls and missteps and mistakes. And there's a way back and it's through. I'm sorry. I should not have said this. I should not have done that. I should not have accused you. I didn't speak kindly to your mom or I didn't treat your dad right or I didn't treat your brother or sister right. I am really sorry. Will you please forgive me?
Will you pray for me? And I'm going to be more intentional to not let that happen again. There's something so healing for our children to realize we do fail. They already know we fail. They may or may not say something, but trust me, like you said earlier, we're modeling. They're paying attention.
What do we do with that? That's the part of going after your child's heart that makes them realize, I don't have to be perfect. I don't have to expect mom and dad to be perfect. We're going to be doing this thing called life, the good, the bad, the ugly, and we're going to be moving forward.
We're going to course correct and we're going to be focused on doing it better or doing it right the next time. For all of you that may be thinking, well, you all have just had this wonderful conversation. You had all these camping trips. You did everything this. You went after your kid's heart.
You were doing it right. It's like social media. You're hearing parts of our whole parenting journey. In my case, my oldest is 35 years old. They can tell you stories of my shortcomings and their father's shortcomings because they were watching. But the key, Chris, as we're winding up this episode is it's about the relationship. It's about cultivating a relationship of unconditional love, of admitting when we have done something wrong and being willing to come back and say, hey, I'm sorry, please forgive me.
And I guess the last thing I want listeners and I want to say here is there's some key elements to this, Chris. God can break a generational curse. Like in my case, I didn't want my family to emulate my childhood. So if there's something you want to break, maybe it's alcoholism or drug abuse or abuse in general, or maybe it's that you didn't have a parent who was walking with the Lord. God is in the business of redeeming and restoring, and you have the opportunity to change your family legacy. Pray over your child. Pray with your child and pray for your child. Amen, Connie.
What a great way to end the show. Folks, I challenge you this weekend to just spend some time alone with God and think about how you can leave a legacy with your family. Hope you have a great weekend and you want to be sure to come back next week as well. Monday morning, we're getting started again. And of course, next Friday, we'll have Connie back to talk about more family issues. Let's go change the culture for Jesus. Thank you for listening. The Christian Perspective with Chris Hughes. Learn more about impacting the culture for Jesus. Visit citizensforamericafoundation.com
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