Christmas Moments - #11 A Christmas Carolla - Complete with Never Before heard scenes

And now, time for Christian Car Guy Theater, with today's very special Christian Car Guy Theater, Christmas Extravaganza, Episode 12, A Christmas Carola. Deputy Eustace's brother Festus was dead, as was Kramer Crankshaft's brother Creighton Crankshaft. Dead as doornails, both of them. And you could agree that this whole story hinges on this morbid fact.

And afterwards, you may even agree this concept nails it. For now, follow along with me and you'll see that these two deceased brothers were at the dead center of Eustace and Kramer's enslavement to worldly pursuits, as well as a repulsion of all things Christian, especially the Christmas season. As isolated as an oyster these two were, were their self-serving attitudes. And now, let's look in and see if we can find a pearl of wisdom in their story.

Deputy Eustace was at the jail interrogating his prisoner. So, Steven, you say you were on school property while it was closed for the holidays, a plant and a Christmas meal for the hospital bound? Do you really expect me to believe that?

Bah humbug! Honest Deputy Eustace, you can ask Pastor Jack. He had just left when you pulled up.

Can't you just call him? Remember the last time you picked me up? You looked pretty foolish. And it's really cold in here too. Don't you believe in heat? Turn up the thermostat, you cheapskate! Now see here, you… Hey, Uncle Eustace, Merry Christmas to you. And may God save you this season. You know, I came by to invite you to our Christmas dinner tomorrow night. You know, Marcy cooks a mean turkey and afterwards I promised a game of trivial pursuit, just like my mom and you used to play when you were kids. Oh, now what do you have to be all so fired up, Merry, Happy Christmas, Merry this? Oh, come on, Jeff, you're dirt poor and now you're blowing your Christmas bonus on a worthless party, for goodness sakes. Well, Uncle, what do you have to be so all fired grumpy about? You are filthy rich and tomorrow I'm offering you a free dinner. Come on, Uncle, it won't kill you to have some fun.

Just one day this year. Hey, what do you have this Simmons kid in here for? Uncle Eustace, it's Christmas Eve and he's a good kid. I go to church with his family. Church, you say? Well, that's all the more reason I smell a rat. Or is it a church mouse in this case?

Sure, you are all poor as church mice and that's how I know you weren't working on any charity for the hospital. Back off, Uncle. Steven's a good kid. Here, let me take him home before… Eustace, I heard you brought Steven Simmons in.

What in the world? Now, see here, Pastor, this is official police business and with the sheriff all visiting for the holidays, I am in charge here nonetheless. I'm glad you're here because I need to take a statement. Now, Jeff, you go along and run along like a good nephew and I'll see you next year.

Alright. Merry Christmas, Uncle, and may God save you. Bah humbug! So, Pastor, where were you at 3 p.m. this afternoon?

I was meeting with Steve and some of the other kids at school. They want to put on a Christmas meal for the hospital bound. What? Do you have a permit to use hospital property like that? I mean, it sounds like a violation of church and state to me. Well, do you have some sort of permit to use hospital property like that, Pastor?

Why, no. Eustace, this is a small town. I never dreamed anyone would be offended to offer a meal to folks in the hospital. It's not the meal, Pastor. It's the Christmas part that's offensive. I'm afraid I'll need to call in Americans for Civility to come down here and check this all out.

Eustace, please. There's no need. We won't call it Christmas dinner. How about holiday dinner? Is that okay? And by the way, it's freezing in here.

Is your heat broken? Well, I guess as long as I hear nothing about a Christmas dinner, I suppose I'll let you off this time. I don't suppose you would like to donate to the cause, Deputy? Bah nothing! I will donate nothing!

Bah humbug to you, Pastor Jack! Oh, so you'd rather stay anonymous? Oh no, not one penny. I'm not going to waste my money on a meal for hospital patients. They get one good enough for free in the hospital, right? Oh, but Eustace, many would rather die than eat hospital food on Christmas day.

Well, if they'd rather die than let them do it, I say, and decrease the surplus population. Oh, it sure is chilly in here, Deputy. Now that you know I was telling the truth, can I go? Pastor, can you give me a ride? Sure, Stephen. Would it be alright, Deputy?

I promise no mention of Christmas. Deputy Eustace lets Stephen and the pastor out and then closes up the jail, heading out to his pride and joy at Toyota Corolla. Eustace loves the value in the Corolla and the great gas mileage, as you might guess. But as he sat down in the driver's seat to go home, he could have sworn the horn button started to look like his deceased brother, Festus. But it was a horrible, almost ghostly image of him. His jaw was tied with a cloth, the knot of which was in his curiously stirred hair. His ghostly eyes seemed to stare right through Eustace, and the chill of his expression gripped Eustace right in the heart.

But then, as Eustace stared at the apparition, it returned to a horn button and Eustace drove on toward home. Meanwhile, Jimmy was on his way to go Christmas shopping, an event that was creating quite a stir under the hood of Jimmy's Jeep. Kramer Crankshaft was crankier than ever in the cold, especially at this season, as the joy of the others celebrating Christmas put a chilly spin on his bearing.

The rocker arms just made it worse with their singing. God bless you, every gentleman, let nothing you dismay. Remember Christ our Savior was born on Christmas Day. To save us all from Satan's power when we were gone astray. Oh tidings of comfort and joy, comfort and joy.

Oh tidings of comfort and joy. Kramer Crankshaft exploded. Rockers, if you think you were broke the last time we spun out of control, get ready for a lot worse.

If you don't stop that infernal singing, I'll spin you out of the hood for good by humbug. And I suppose you all want the day off tomorrow. At least Bancroft Bonnet had the courage to answer. If quite convenient, sir.

It's not convenient, and it's not fair. And yet, if I refuse, you will all think I'm a cotton-headed ninny-muffin. That encouraged Wally Windshield Washer to speak up as well. Not a cotton-headed ninny-muffin, Kramer. More of a, uh, uh, a Scrooge. Yeah, a Scrooge, really. A Scrooge, eh? You say a Scrooge?

Well, along those lines, that's a poor excuse to pick a man's pocket every 25th of December. So you all be ready to roll all the more early the day after. The words were no more out of Kramer's mouth, but he looked up to the cylinder, and there he could have sworn he saw the head of his deceased brother, the great Crankshaft, bearing down on him like a ghost. His timing chains clanked, and ringing of fearsome sound crashed. Just then, across the intersection, Eustace ran a red light on the icy roads, and Jimmy's jeep was in front of Eustace. Before he could think, Eustace slammed into Frenchy Fender. The Corolla's airbag popped Eustace's unconscious, and at the same time, the impact seized Kramer Crankshaft. It was almost as if time stood still. In the smoke of the crash, Eustace's brother Festus appeared in his ghostly form, his jaw still tied closed with a cloth, his hair a stir, wearing a waistcoat like George Washington, and even the little pigtail like George had.

Tied about him was this ghastly chain. What do you want with me? Much. Who are you? Ask me who I was. Who were you then? You're pretty particular for a ghost now, aren't you?

In life, I was Festus, your little brother. You don't believe in me, do you? I don't. Why do you doubt your senses? I do not believe in you.

Well, you're like anything my imagination dreams up. I need to nip this right in the bud. Nip it.

I need to nip it now. All this commotion seemed to awaken Kramer Crankshaft to his brother Creighton Crankshaft, who was standing in a similar appearance to the ghostly Festus and rattling his timing chain. Mercy, brother. Why do you trouble me? Crankshaft of worldly mind, do you believe in me or not? I do. I must. But you have to understand, Creighton. Nobody wants to get this shaft.

This is no time for bad puns, Kramer. It is required of all of us that the spirit within him should walk among his fellows and travel far and wide. But if that spirit does not do so in life, it is condemned to do so after death. Woe is me to witness what I might have shared on Earth.

That I might have turned to happiness, but did not. Why are you chained, brother? I wear the chain I forged in life.

I made it link by link and yard by yard. Is the pattern of it strange to you, brother? Or would you know the length of the chain you bear yourself? Eustace, it was as long and as heavy as this seven Christmas Eves ago, and you have labored on it since.

It's a killer chain! Well, I suppose you're expecting a chain reaction. But, but, but, but if the Fest is my dear brother Festus, tell me, tell me more. Share some comfort with me. I have no comfort to give you, Eustace. It comes from different regions and from different ministers to other kinds of men, brother.

Nor can I tell you what I would. I have but little time left. My brother Kramer Crankshaft, I am here tonight to warn you that you may have a chance to escape my fate. A chance and a hope I have gotten for you, brother.

You were always a good little brother, Creighton. Eustace, you will be haunted by three spirits. Expect the first when the clock strikes one.

Festus, couldn't I just take two and have it over with? Sorry, it's against the rules to give up the ghost. Expect the next when the clock tolls two, and the third when the clock tolls three.

Look to see me no more, and look for your own sake on what has passed before us. With that, both Ghost, Festus, and Creighton retied their jaws and disappeared into the smoke. No sooner had the two ghostly brothers disappeared than the clock tolled one. With the sound of the bell, both Kramer and Eustace began to look about for the four tolled spirits. When none are seen, both are quick to exclaim.

Both Eustace and Kramer now see each other for the first time, and that alone startles both. What? A talking crankshaft?

Now I know this must be a dream, or maybe I'm just losing it. What? A living dipstick?

Because no doubt you measure crude and rude. Bah humbug. Now you, now see here you cranky old cranker shaft.

Why I ought to. With Eustace and Kramer focused on their debate, they failed to see the ghost of Christmas past hovering over them. It was a strange figure, not so much like a child gas tank, but an older lady gas tank. The supernatural medium, which gave it almost the appearance of a transparency, somehow made it small as a child, though its hair was white with age. Strangely, its face was without wrinkle and tender as you ever saw. Dressed in a bright white robe, trimmed in summer flowers, it held a spring of bright green and red holly, as if to herald the season. The most amazing feature of all was a brilliant jet of light coming up from its filler neck, through the top of its head. That light illuminated everything, and perhaps that's why it carried an old-fashioned extinguisher-looking hat under its arm. You know, you can't put out a gas fire with water. Then she spoke. Is there any chance you two could direct me to Deputy Eustace and Kramer Crankshaft?

I understand they have time and chain issues. Um, excuse me, are you the spirit that was foretold to us? I am.

I am Gracie Gas Tank, the Ghost of Christmas Past. You mean, you mean long past? No, your past. As I said, you have time and chain issues. Well, I think you have me mixed up with this guy. I'm no crankshaft. Would you mind putting that extinguisher, or cap, or whatever that is on your head?

You're about to blind me. Yeah, me too. Precisely. The patience of you two would have me wear this cap all these many years, dimming the light so as none can see the reason for the season. Did you not, Deputy Eustace, tell Pastor Jack that you wouldn't have called it a Christmas feast? And you, Kramer, did you not say a poor excuse to pick a man's pocket every 25th of December?

As I said, time and chain issues. So why are you here, Gracie Gas Tank of Christmas Past? For the benefit of both of you. Now, both of you grab hold of my robe. We're in for a little adventure.

Take my word for it. It's gonna be a gas. Deputy Eustace and Kramer Crankshaft reach out and touch the robe of Gracie Gas Tank. Gracie is the Ghost of Christmas Past, and off they head through a winter wonderland. Snow dusting a mountainous village scene, they come to a house where screaming can be overheard. This is my house when I was a boy.

It was torn down years ago to make a highway. So what's all the yelling about? If that's who I think it is, then it's my parents.

My dad, he was an alcoholic, and when he came home drunk, it was on like Donkey Kong. Why don't we just see what was behind this argument, Eustace? These are your parents, aren't they, Eustace? No wonder we have no money for Christmas, Richard.

You went and spent it on another one of your binges. And what's your excuse this time? Like some of your past lame excuses?

Like, oh, like Eustace's coach would let him in the game, or the other one like maybe Festus was talked down to by a teacher. Oh, no, no, I know, I know, no, no, this one. Bess didn't get the part of Mary in the school Christmas play. You weak, pathetic excuse for a man. Any time one of the kids has a setback, you multiply it with another one of your dives into the bottle. Now, Margaret, you don't understand. You never understand. You say you love me and the kids, but your idea of love is a screaming fifth. And just when Bess needs you the most, her little heart was broken, Margaret, and she wanted that part so bad. And all you can say is that she needs to toughen up, take it on the chin, pull herself up by her bootstraps.

And that's the same thing you say to me. Ha, if you were half the man my daddy was, you would teach these kids how to stand up to trouble, not run to a bottle like yours. Gee, the year Bess wanted to be Mary in the school play was the year my dad killed himself. I always thought it was because of him being a drunk and all, and he couldn't quit.

I figured he was just too weak. Kramer, what happened to your dad? My dad, Kramer Senior, was a drunk too. He went for a spin in December when I was about eight and never came back. Just then the hood of the car in the driveway flew open in the wind, and Gracie Gas Tank pointed under the hood.

Kramer, have you been jinnin' again? What's wrong with you? A little piston slap and you have to go get a belt every time. You're just like your father, a good for nothing drunk. Why no one do the kids disrespect you? I always thought my dad was disappointed in me, that I couldn't crank it like the big boys, but I see I believed a lie. Where did that come from?

Come on now boys, we have much to see and not much time so grab hold. The threesome took off again in the snow. This time they seemed to go just a few blocks to a nearby school yard where children were playing out in the snow. That's the three of us in junior high school, Festus, Bess and I. Within moments of their arrival, one of the neighbor kids slammed Bess into a tree, cutting her forehead. She fell to the ground bleeding, almost unconscious. Young Eustace, unaware of what had happened, saw Bess lying there and ran over to her in a panic. Bess, Bess, what happened?

Who did this to you? Oh, Festus. Jumping to conclusions, Young Eustace moves to attack Festus. Why do you always have to pick on Bess? Now look what you've done.

This will teach you. Eustace's punch knocks Festus to the ground and his front tooth with it. Sobbing and bleeding, Young Festus responds. Eustace, you broke my tooth and I wasn't anywhere near Bess.

I didn't touch her. Just then of all times, Margaret, Eustace's mom, pulls up. She runs over to the bleeding Bess and Festus. Bess, Festus, what has happened?

What's happened? Eustace, you were supposed to be their protector, not their bully. In that moment, with Margaret's words echoing, the scene froze in time as Gracie, Ghost of Christmas Past, began to make her point.

The children and Margaret were frozen still, but not older Eustace, Kramer and Gracie. Eustace, you have been given a precious gift, but you need to unwrap it here and now. Those words burned as bad as they did years ago.

Just how is this precious? Yes, those words do still burn, Eustace, but do you know why those particular words burned so bad? It's because they were aimed at your identity, who God made you to be. You see, Eustace, God made each of us with a special sauce, a special something that is really God's glory reflected by a unique part of us.

The truth is, only you can reflect your special identity, Eustace, and if you don't, no one else can. Now, God's enemy Satan roams around looking for God's glory, flashing about in his image bearers, and when Satan spots God's glory shining, he whacks it like whack-a-mole. Yet Satan betrays himself, if you look closely. By seeing Satan's point of attack, you may see where God's glory resides in you. Eustace, let's ask Jesus for some help unwrapping this gift. Eustace, you know you get a new name in heaven. Why not sneak a peek and ask Jesus what he calls you? Go ahead, ask Jesus right now. We'll wait. It seems crazy, but here I am in the snow with my young self and Bess and Festus.

I guess I could give it a try. Jesus, I know we haven't talked in a while, but I'm here with this spirit, and I would really like to know what is going on. So, Jesus, what do you call me? Uh, Miss Ghost, can I ask too?

I had almost the same thing happen to me when I was young. Is there a present for me to unwrap as well? Precisely, Kramer. All believers have such a gift to unwrap.

Go ahead, ask. Jesus, what do you call me? Well, Eustace, did Jesus tell you? Yes, I think so, but it doesn't seem right. I can't believe it.

Really? What did Jesus say? Well, he says he calls me protector, but it can't be. You both just saw what happened. Yes, we did, Eustace, but as I said, Satan often attacks at the point of God's glory to get you to hide your true self. But you saw what my mother said and how I attacked my brother. I was guilty. I wanted to hurt my brother and not protect him. But you were under attack, Eustace. Satan fed you the lie that your brother hurt your sister, whom you love dearly, and wanted to protect. Satan knew how to provoke you, and you took the bait. But you were under attack at the point of being a protector. I was guilty.

I wanted to hurt my brother, not protect him. I was guilty. So, here is your present, if you will unwrap it.

Jesus paid it all, and it is only through Jesus' blood that such deep cleansing is available. Eustace, do you want your innocence back? Will you unwrap that gift? It is your innocence card.

Do you want it? It all comes down to this. Do you believe Jesus died to free you from that lie you bought into many years ago? That lie that robbed you of being who God made you to be?

Protector? Well, I don't know, Spirit. I just don't know. How about you, Kramer? Jesus said he called me driver.

But like Eustace in my mind, that makes no sense. Years ago, I let those pistons push me around. I'm not the driver.

I'm just cranky. Well, let's move on, boys. You are needed back at the accident scene. No sooner did the words come out of the Spirit's mouth than they were all back at the accident scene.

As they arrived, Eustace and Kramer grabbed the extinguisher from the ghost. That's too much light. I can't take it anymore.

You need to tone that headline of yours down. With the fading of the ghost of Christmas past came the onset of the next ghost. This one came dressed almost like a Jeep fender, dressed as the Statue of Liberty. Its dress was Christmas green with a white fur hem, and its crown was more like a holly wreath than a pointed Statue of Liberty crown. But no doubt it looked French. And in fact, this was Frenchy vendor, ghost of Christmas present. Bonjour, boys. Viva la Christmas. All right, mon ami.

We have much to see. Grab hold of my robe. Now it was almost a blizzard as the threesome flew straight for the hospital. They flew right through the door and into the main cafeteria.

There was a magnificent feast. Pastor Jack and Stephen, of course, but the ghost of Christmas present took them over to a familiar family to both Eustace and Kramer, Blake and Dorina Andrews. But where was their son, Matt? Oh, Blake, I'm so worried. Noonan syndrome. The doctor said Matt might have Noonan syndrome.

That could be heart conditions and blood conditions. Oh, Blake, I'm so worried. Don't worry about many, Matt, Dorina.

He's an Andrews with the Andrews spirit. God has brought us this far and he has an amazing Christmas for our family. Just wait. Come on, sweetheart. Here they are, wheeling him in now to join the celebration.

Dorina, please don't let him see the worry. Look at you, Matt. You bring all the cheer in the room when you come in. Nowhere is there a brighter Christmas smile than Matt Andrews. Christmas time is my most favorite time, Pastor Jack.

You know that God came as a baby. He came for me so we can all be together, together forever. God blessed us every one. And now with all my favorite people here, we celebrate.

And then enters AFC Americans for Civility, Joe. I want you all to listen up here, everybody. This is an unlawful assembly on public property. We are filing suit right now, so you all need to cease and desist.

Both of them. Cease and desist, and there will be no more talk of Christmas or Jesus here on public property. You all understand that?

Again, suddenly everyone in the scene freezes in their exact position, except Kramer and Eustace and Frenchie Fender, ghost of Christmas present. Well, Monsieurs, what do you think about this? Who does this AFC Joe think he is? Somebody needs to call the sheriff and run the shyster out of town. Yes, sir.

Someone needs to spin that dude down the road for sure. Why Eustace, tres bien. It almost sounds like you want to protect Monsieur Minimat.

Could I be right? And you, Monsieur Kramer, would you like to drive this perhaps? Sacre bleu. Are you two ready to open that gift after all? Look, I am not the man that you think I am. I told the last ghost I can't do it, but what is that I see beneath your robe? Ghost of Christmas present.

What is that? It almost seems alive. With that, Frenchie Fender, ghost of Christmas present, flung open her green robe to reveal two pitiful looking children. They were pitiful, but they were also mean and scowling, almost wolfish looking. Behold, these are the children of the timing chain you are both bearing.

They grow stronger with each passing Christmas. Are the two of you spinning the chain, or is it spinning you? Let me tell you about these two children. The boy's name is Monsieur Ignorance, and the girl Mademoiselle Want. Beware them both, but especially this boy. See what is written on his forehead?

The word Doom. Certainly we can help a little guy here. I have some money to help him. Ah, Monsieur Cramer.

And pick your pocket on the 25th of December? As Frenchie Fender laughed, they immediately found themselves back at the accident scene. Staring them right in the face was a DeLorean. Yes, a silver DeLorean. And behind the wheel was a head gasket wearing a black, grim reaper robe with the hood overshadowing his face. Yes, it was Guido Gasket, Ghost of Christmas Future. A DeLorean? Are you the ghost I think you are?

The one I fear the most? The ghost of Back to the Future? I mean the ghost of the Christmas Future, I'm sorry. You two mugs, get in. I thought the Ghost of Christmas Future doesn't talk.

You watch too much TV. I said, get in. Eustace and Cramer jump in and the DeLorean speeds through the time warp to the future. As the dash lights up December 25th, 2018, the DeLorean slows down coming back to the hospital.

The three get out, right into the same cafeteria they had just left. Now pay attention or I'll have to slap you around. You understand? You're talking about the Ute. What's a Ute?

The Ute. You know, Mini Matt. Now shut your trap and listen to Dorena and Blake. Oh, Blake. This place reminds me about the last time I saw Matt truly happy. And now here we are on Christmas Day, but there is no Christmas.

No one can even mention the word. You know, sweetie, I would have thought God would have sent someone to protect Matt. Someone to drive those lost AFC people out of town. Come on, we're leaving. Hang on one minute. I want to hear what happened to Mini Matt.

Do I have to get my back? I said we're leaving. The three jump back into the DeLorean and the date doesn't change, but they arrive at Jeff and Marcy's house across town. The Christmas party with what seems like the whole town, including the whole Anderson family, Grandma and Jimmy and his folks and his girlfriend, Allie. Nahum was there and even old Roadhog with his Harley, as well as Pastor Jack and the sheriff. Out on the driveway were both of Jimmy's jeeps.

And another reunion, Sally Serpentine, Mosey Motor Oil, Old Willie's Fender, Warren Winch, Sammy Starter, Bancroft Bonnet and Tammy Tensioner. Pipe down. You two need to listen to Pastor Jack.

Can I have everyone's attention? I would like to thank everyone for coming here to private property to share Jesus' birthday without fear of a lawsuit. The persecution we have all experienced since the Americans for Civility have come to town, I know has nearly exhausted all our financial resources. Bless you all for your perseverance and the joy you have shared in the midst of this battle. Pastor, let us thank you for shepherding us through something I would have never believed would happen in Beaver County. I agree, Nahum. I never saw this coming.

Or at least a lot of the things in the last two years with the sheriff short-handed and blocked at every turn. Yes. When I took this job, I had help.

And I thought I swore to uphold the Constitution. Now the darkness seems to be advancing. Be the light you shine, Pastor. The light of Christ will overcome it. I know we just need to be strong. Yeah, like when my crankshaft locked up in my jeep. Got it another plan for another engine.

Hmm. Maybe we need to pray for a new crankshaft to drive us back to our knees where we can humble ourselves and seek the face of Jesus. I don't know about all these things, but I do wish God would send us some protection. A protector.

Now that sounds good, little girl. Someone who won't back down when his back is against the wall. Who knows how to fight for freedom. That's right, Roadhog. We do have much to be celebrating here, though. This battle has brought this country together like never before. Why, I never saw a Presbyterian like Jeff here sit down with a Pentecostal like Roadhog and pray together before.

Yes, Mom, that's for sure. Or to see a Methodist like the Sheriff sing Christmas carols with a Baptist like you. I have to admit, we have much to be thankful for. It's a shame old Eustace isn't here to be a part of it all.

I always felt he was on his way to being the man God had made him to be. Okay, okay. Well, all of them are still yapping. Kramer, let's listen under the hood to those two jeeps over there. And then Mosey Motor Oil chimed in. Hey, hey, look here.

Hey, I just have to say this. Things are not the same without Kramer. We don't have the drive we once had. And if there was ever a time we needed drive, it's now.

See, I believe here on the birthday of the Son of God, we need some kind of rebirth. You know what I'm saying? We just don't have it anymore. Am I right, Bancroft Bonnet?

True, Mosey. I hate to say it, but I kind of hate covering up for you all lately. Sally Serpentine lamented. I am so sincerely sad with what's been going on here lately. You guys make me feel like a silly cardboard belt, a waste of paper. I really can't put my finger on it, but all I know is since Kramer left us, my pickup lines have been a drag.

It's like we've got no drive. Do you know what I'm saying? And Tammy Tensioner had to have her say. Oh, Warren, lay off the tension.

You're giving me a headache. Now, here's the thing, guys. God used Kramer for a time, but he was out of time.

He was never quite himself, either. Can we just pray that God will send the right cream shift to the job? That's it. One more stop for you two. And I'm sure you guessed it.

The bowling yard. If I'm in, the time is almost up. Spirit, before you show us that, just answer this one question. Are these the things that will be or the things that might be if we don't open our present?

All right. You asked, so I'm going to give it to you straight. God knows. And only God knows.

And here is our only hope. Good fruit comes from good branches that are connected to a good root that's in good soil. That root is Jesus, God's son. So you better open up that present Jesus sacrificed on the cross for your failures, for your sins, for you will be planted. It's your choice. You can either be fruit or fertilizer. Got it?

Fruit or fertilizer. Your choice. Here we are at the bowling yard. Get a good look at your headstone. The first one reads, Hippity useless is now in his casket. Failed to pay attention to Guido Gasket. The next one says, Here lies Crankshaft Kramer.

His attraction to worms could not be plainer. Your choice. Oh, oh, oh, God. Oh, Father. Yes.

Yes. You've paid enough. I want the protector that you've made me to be. I want to be the driver you made me to be. I'm not the man I was. I'm different now. I'm not the Cranky Shaft I was. I'm a new man. I'm not the man I was.

I'm not the Cranky Shaft I was. As Kramer and Eustace awoke that morning, the Corolla was in a snowbank being dragged out as if there was no accident. Eustace awoke to it being towed out and noticed Jimmy's jeep across the intersection. It, too, was in a snowbank, unhurt.

Jimmy walked right up to him. Hey Eustace, you okay? Sorry it took so long to bring back a wrecker.

I'll have you out in no time. Oh, I'm alive. I'm alive.

Oh my goodness, I'm alive. Oh, oh, oh, Jimmy, Jimmy, what day is it? It's Christmas Day, Eustace.

Are you crazy? Merry Christmas, Jimmy. Merry Christmas, you old Corolla. Merry Christmas, Christmas, Jimmy's jeep and Kramer Crank Shaft.

I'm as giddy as a schoolboy. Jimmy, Jimmy, can I borrow your Crank Shaft and head over to the hospital? Here, here, take the Corolla. Official sheriff business, yeah. And understand there's going to be trouble right here in Beaver County and that starts with T that rhymes with C and stands for Christmas.

I guess. Eustace, are you sure you're okay? Okay, I've never felt better. Jimmy, I'm off to the hospital Christmas dinner.

Eustace walks over to Jimmy's jeep lifting the hood and he asks. Kramer, Kramer, are you in there? Yes sir, deputy. At your service. And like you, I'm ready to roll. I mean roll. I understand there's going to be trouble right here in Beaver County and that starts with a T that rhymes with C and that stands for Christmas.

Eustace closes the hood and off they roll to the hospital. I want you all to listen up here everybody. This is an unlawful assembly on public property. We are filing suit right now so you all need to cease and desist, both of them, cease and desist.

And there will be no more talk of Christmas or Jesus here on public property. You all understand that? Excuse me, Mr. Americans for Civility. Let me just have a look at your court order here.

Okay. Well, you see, okay, it's not exactly a court order just yet, per se. You see, I am filing this lawsuit just as soon as the court opens.

Funny thing, mister, but here in Beaver County we have a law against such a disturbance. I would hate to have to lock you up on Christmas day, but you leave me no other option possibly unless you walk out of here. Oh, deputy, he'll be all right.

He can share my table. He just needs to open his present this Christmas, right, deputy? Hey, Mr. Americans for Civility man, you know, Christmas time is my most disfavoritest time. You see, God came as a baby and he came for you and for me.

And you don't want to go and make a bunch of ghosts have to come and scare you to believe. You just got to open your present so that we can all be together, together forever. God blessed us, everyone. And now here's Danny Dipstick and Randy Radiator to review today's Christmas extravaganza. Randy, that was just so sweet.

I'm all teared up. I know I speak for the whole cast and crew at the Christian Kargai show that our prayer is everyone will open up their present from God this Christmas. Yep, Danny, the father's heart is so blessed in the giving of his most precious thing in the universe, his only son and the freedom from the lies that today's episode showed hold us all back from reflecting God's glory. So I, for one, am looking forward to some deeper conversations with God about my glory present and my family's glory present this Christmas.

How about you? Randy, the way I understand it, being a driver was Kramer's glory. So the drivers in the snow found themselves adrift. Am I right, Randy? Say goodbye, Danny Dipstick. See you later, Radiator.