Submission: Training for Exiles, Part 2

Well, I was so grateful for Pastor Brian sharing with us last weekend.

I'd ask you to put the little hand clap emoji up, but I think that's only possible on Zoom. But if there's a way to do it, then do that, because what an amazing word from Matthew 5 he brought to us. You know, we have been through some challenging times as a society over the last few weeks, but we know that in the gospel are the resources for true reconciliation between the races. The gospel's aim, we know, is not only to tear down the walls of hostility between man and God, it's also to tear down the walls of hostility between man and man. The picture of the bride of Christ we see in Revelation 7 depicts not just a throng of individuals united to God, but a throng of nations also united to each other. We believe that churches that take this gospel seriously will seek to reflect the diversity of their communities and proclaim the diversity of the coming kingdom.

That's what we love to say. And so we are glad, we're blessed, we're honored to have Pastor Brian here to join us in that. I know this has been a difficult time, and a lot of you are confused about where the church stands, where we're going on a lot of this stuff. I'm going to do a members meeting where I'm going to talk about that, I'm going to clarify some things, even want to acknowledge some things that I don't think we've done as good as we could have. I'm also going to share with you some plans for regathering in light of the most recent COVID announcements, catch you up in that discussion, so we'll talk about those things.

We are in a series called Together We Endure. It is a study through Peter's first letter to the church, so if you've got your Bible, I'd love for you to grab it right now, I'd love for you to turn to 1 Peter 3. I would always encourage you to have your Bible open when somebody teaches from it, because it helps you see and make connections and read the passage better later.

If you've got a notebook or something you can write on, you could probably use that well as now. Okay, here's the deal. When you're preaching expositionally through the Bible, that means you let the text of Scripture set the agenda. Instead of figuring out what everybody wants to hear about it and then trying to find stuff in the Bible to back it up, you let the Bible determine what people need to hear by just moving your way through on the passages of Scripture. I am committed to that approach, as are other teachers here at the Summit Church, because we believe this is Jesus' church and not mine, and so that means he sets the agenda for what he wants his church to know, not me.

But here's the deal. When you're committed to this approach, that means that sometimes you've got to preach hard messages, difficult passages, because they're in the Bible, and that's what we're going to do today. In fact, here's my first point today. This is God's word, not Pastor JD's.

Everybody write that down. This is God's word, not Pastor JD's. So when you are ready to email me angrily, you just remember that line. Go back to the first one and ask, am I mad at JD or am I mad at the Holy Spirit, what he inspired here?

That's my first point. This is God's word, not mine. Okay. All right. Here we go.

Verse 1, chapter 3. Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands. No, no, okay? Do not reach for that remote to turn me off.

Hear me out, okay? The most overlooked word in this whole passage is the first word, likewise. Everybody look at somebody close to you right now and say likewise. Likewise.

Likewise means in the same way. Remember, this is the third of three relationships that Peter is using to illustrate a principle. How should a stranger and exile respond to difficult relationships or unjust treatment? Remember, our identity in 1 Peter is strangers and exiles.

How does a stranger and exile respond to difficulty in relationships and even unjust treatment in those relationships? The previous two relationships that he used that we've already looked at were submitting to an imperfect and sometimes unjust government. That was chapter 2, verses 13 through 17. And then secondly, being under the control of an unjust master.

That's the last part of chapter 2. These are all just applications of the principle. The principle is what is important because it's going to apply to any relationship. Our example in all of these relationships, Peter says, is Christ. In any relationship where you are experiencing hardship or suffering or injustice, Peter says, okay, let's read it out loud together, verse 21. For you were called to this because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example that you should follow in his steps. He did not commit sin and no deceit was found in his mouth. When he was insulted, he did not insult in return. When he suffered, he did not threaten but entrusted himself to the one who judges justly. He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree so that having died the sins, we might live for righteousness. By his wounds, you have been healed.

Hey, I got an idea. What if you committed to memorizing this passage? It's so central in how Peter teaches you to think about life and relationships. I think it would help you just to have that dancing around in your head when you're in the midst of any difficult relationship. If you're in a family like I am, do with your kids what I do. Pay your kids $2 a verse to memorize that passage.

It'd be a great way to have something that stays with you from this 1 Peter series. This passage, what it says is that Christ did three things in the face of injustice that we have looked at during the last two studies. Number one, he was patient. That's verses 22 and 24 there in chapter 2. He understood suffering was an integral part of God's plan of salvation. His wounds were the means by which God brought salvation to the world. Peter tells us that in some mysterious way, that's true of us also, our wounds are going to be used to bring salvation and healing to others. A lot of Christians, I explained to you when we first went through this, they bought into this lie that if you follow Jesus and you do things right, everything's going to go smoothly. I don't know what savior they're following, but I can assure you it's not the Jesus of the Bible. To follow in Jesus' steps means that you should expect unjust suffering, right?

You were called to this. Jesus didn't roll into Jerusalem in an escalate and take up residence in a mansion. He came in on a donkey and he had nowhere even to lay his head. Number two, this passage at the end of chapter 2 shows us, again, just to review, that he committed himself to him who judges justly. That's verse 23. He knew that earthly justice may never come, but he knew that God would give full justice to him in his heavenly country and he was willing to be patient and wait for that. Number three, this passage tells us that Jesus kept doing good. That's verse 23. Even when he was being slandered, even when others wronged him, he kept doing the right thing knowing that in all situations, he would respond first and foremost to God and that God would vindicate him one day.

Okay? That's your example. We've applied it to government. We've applied it to unjust masters now. Let's apply that mentality to marriage.

I'm back to chapter 3, verse 1. Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives when they see your respectful and pure conduct. Do not let your adorning be external, the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry or the clothing you wear, but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious.

For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves by submitting to their own husbands as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him Lord. Now, hold on. You're like, that's a jarring statement to modern ears, right?

I mean, you're like, is that where we're going today? I suggested this to Veronica that she call me Lord for the rest of the week as an application of this, and that conversation did not go very well. So hear me out, okay? I'll show you exactly what that means, and ladies, just a little advance notice, it doesn't mean you're calling your husband Lord for the rest of the week yet. More on that in a couple of minutes, okay?

But let's keep reading. And you are her children if you do good and you do not fear anything that is frightening. Ladies, the question for you is going to be, how do you submit to your husband in a Christlike way? By the way, foremost in Peter's mind is a wife with an unsaved husband because that was really common in the early church. A lot of ladies would get saved and their husbands did not.

Many of the earliest church converts were women. And so they had this question of how do you live with a spouse that doesn't share some of your deepest convictions? We got a lot of people in our church in that same situation also, and I know that a lot of them feel just as lost as Peter's listeners must have felt. That's why he says that those who do not obey your husbands or your wife, if it's an unbelieving wife, they'll be one without a word through your conduct, right? But even if you're both Christians, surely all of us, you still got moments of frustration where your spouse lets you down, even just flat out wrongs you. So the question for you in that moment is how do you respond in a marriage relationship like that?

How do you respond like Christ in that moment, all right? Verse 7, and likewise, husbands in the same way. Husbands, man, there's going to be an application for you here also, right? You should live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel. Now, that's another phrase that sounds pretty strange to modern ears, right? We'll get to that in a minute.

Since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, you should do this, he says, so that your prayers may not be hindered. Men, the question for you is going to be what does it mean to show honor to your wife in a Christ-like way? A lot of men have absolutely no clue on this. I heard a story about four golfers who were out for a around the golf one afternoon as they were lining up their shots. The first man saw a line of cars going by.

It's the middle of the day, the lights were on, clearly it was a funeral. This man took off his cap and he held it to his chest and he bowed his head and waited to take his shot. Well, his friends were just like totally shocked.

They'd never seen him show that kind of respect or compassion. And they said, hey, that was, wow, you know, that's a lot of respect and compassion. And the man was like, yeah, it's the least I can do. I mean, we were married for 35 years, right? So is that what he means?

Well, probably it's going to be a lot more than that, okay? So let's talk about three ways, Peter tells you in these seven verses, three ways you are to honor your spouse after the example of Christ. Hey, before we even jump into those points, I know this is going to be a difficult thing to hear, a difficult thing to apply. So could we just take a minute and could we just pray together about that, ask God to give us help in this? By the way, if you're not in a marriage relationship, you can still ask God to give you the spirit that we're talking about, that Peter says he applies to marriage, but it applies in so many other places as well.

So you can ask God to give you the spirit. So why don't you bow your heads and let me lead you in this, right? You pray, Father, give me the tenderness of heart to understand your word and receive it. God, give me the surrender to obey it and give me the strength to endure in it for your glory and my good. I pray in Jesus' name. Now why don't you take 30 seconds and just make that prayer your own and then I'll come back and lead us through these three truths.

Amen. Okay, three ways Peter tells you to honor your spouse after the example of Christ. Number one, you're going to use your power to bless and serve, not manipulate or control. Peter points in this passage to different powers that both men and women have in the relationship and he shows you what to do with it if you're following the example of Christ. So we'll start with men. Men, of course, usually have physical power in the relationship.

They're typically bigger and stronger. I think that's primarily what Peter means in verse 7 when he calls the wife the weaker vessel. Also, I would add, in Rome, weaker probably meant weaker in her power in the marriage. Marriage law in Rome was way better for men than it was for women. Men, for example, could have affairs.

We're almost expected to. The wife, she could be killed if she had an affair. Men could divorce their wives for pretty much any reason.

The way she cooked, if she wouldn't let you go to the gladiator games on Saturday. If you didn't like the way she aged, just take her to court and divorce her immediately. But wives, for the most part, could not divorce their husbands for any reason. Divorces always favored the man.

The money was his, the kids remained his. Many divorced women in those days had to resort to prostitution. It was a horribly unjust system, but the point is that she was a weaker vessel legally. She's also weaker in the sense that the New Testament gives to the husband in a Christian marriage. It gives the husband the position of leadership in the home. She is told to submit. A wife is told to submit to the husband in a way that he is not told to submit to her.

That's not a bad thing, of course. It's a beautiful Christ-like thing, but it makes her positionally weaker. So, physical weakness, legal weakness, positional. Some commentators also say that his reference to her being weaker might be a general reference to the fact that God has endowed many women with an emotional sensitivity that makes them more nurturing and compassionate.

The mothering instinct. Having that sensitivity, that emotional sensitivity, would not mean that she is inferior, of course, right? I mean, what's weaker, a crowbar or a thermometer? Well, in some ways, the thermometer is weaker. You could break it, but the thermometer can do a lot of stuff that the crowbar cannot do.

In fact, in many ways, a thermometer is more powerful and useful than a crowbar. So, maybe that's in Peter's mind, some dimensions of that. But Peter's point is that none of these aspects of weakness, if they're true, is going to make her inferior in the relationship. That's what Peter means when he says to the husband, she is an heir with you in the grace of life, an heir alongside of you in Christ. She is your full equal, not behind you. She's right there with you.

And Peter's point to the man is, whatever power you have in the relationship ought to be used, leveraged to honor her and serve her, not exploit her. You need to live with her in an understanding way. If she is emotionally wired differently than you, well, don't despise that. Seek to understand her. Learn her love language.

Love her on her terms. A friend of mine and I years ago were reading the five love languages together where you figure out kind of the love language that your spouse speaks. And we were talking about it. I asked him, I was like, which love language does your wife have? And he just sort of, he shook his head.

He said, whichever one I'm not practicing at the moment. He said, but what I've determined is I'm going to spend the rest of my life trying to understand as much as I can, how does she feel loved? How does she feel affirmed?

And I want to love her on her terms. It reminded me of what one of the, a marriage counselor that my wife and I, Veronica and I saw early on in our marriage, who told me, he said, you need to become a student of your wife, to live with her in an understanding way and love her on her terms and not just in ways that are convenient for you. You should use any position of strength or power to serve her, to honor her, to pursue meeting her needs because, right? I mean, that's what Christ did with his strength.

Let me tell you something that is absolutely wicked. When a man uses his physical power to dominate his wife, even worse is when he uses the Christian idea of submission in marriage to dominate her. That's not what Christ did with his power, is it? Christ used his power to serve. Christ laid down his life.

It's like C.S. Lewis used to say, the crown that a man wears in a marriage is first one of thorns. That means I use the leadership that I have, I use whatever position of strength that I have to serve her. Practically, that means as the leader of the family, I should voluntarily lose 90% of the disagreements that we have, right? I mean, I don't pull out the submission card to get her to do what I want to do. Pastor Curtis and I were talking the other day about our wives and both of our wives seem to like a lot of pillows. And when I say a lot of pillows, I mean like in the hundreds, how it came up, how I can't seem to sit down on my couch or lay down on my bed without moving a couple dozen pillows.

Maybe it's a couple hundred. And Pastor Curtis was like, that's exactly how Elizabeth is, too. And then he sent me this meme. That's not either of our wives, for the record.

That's Adam Driver, just with long hair. But here's the deal. See, if I'm leading in a Christ-like way, I'm letting her win the day on most of the preferences. I'm not saying, hey, I'm the leader here, so this is what we're going to do. Because that's what it means for me to lay down my life for her and serve her and use leadership in a Christ-like way. In every decision I make, what I'm trying to ask is, how can I honor her? How can I lift her up?

How can I make life easy for her? And of course, she's trying to do the same for me, but the point is, it falls to me to go first in that. A man's leadership in the marriage, we say, is never a license to do what he wants to do.

A man's leadership is empowerment to do what he ought to do. I know this is a difficult subject, and some of you wonder exactly what that looks like. I heard a great story. Tim Keller, his pastor in New York City, his wife, Kathy Keller, before he was in New York City, they were in Hopewell, Virginia. And this opportunity came up to go to New York City, and they were praying about what they should do. And after praying about it for a while, Tim and Kathy, she said, we came down on different sides. Tim felt like they should go, and Kathy felt like they should stay.

And they talked for hours and just could not come to resolution. So finally, Tim said, okay, all right, we'll do what you want. We'll stay here. And Kathy said, I looked back at Tim, and I said, oh, no, you don't. You are not putting this one on me, right? God gave you a vote in this marriage. He gave me a vote, and then he gave you the deciding vote.

And you've got to decide what you think God is saying to our family. That's the kind of leadership. That's the kind of positional leadership that the man, the husband, has given in the relationship that Peter is talking about. He's saying whatever you're using, whatever power, physical, positional, financial, even the dominance of your personality, you use that to bless and to serve and to honor her.

It's never license to do what you want to do. It's empowerment to do what you ought to do. Okay, for women, what kind of power do they have, and how do they use that in a Christ-like way? Well, first, Peter says, you've got your beauty and your sexuality. Peter indicates many women can build their identity on their beauty and their sexuality and even use that as a means of power.

When he says in verse 3, to do not let your adorning be external, the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry or the clothing that you wear, he's not saying that you can't braid your hair and that you can only wear it in a messy bun. He's saying that the substance of your life should not be beauty. Listen, early on, women in our culture, and back then too, get taught that their value and their worth and even their power come from their beauty.

They're taught by our culture that a woman with great physical beauty will have power to get what she wants, and they will be greatly valued. What Peter says is no. No, what is valuable to God is Christ-like character, a calm, steadfast faith in Him. Verse 4, he says, but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious, a gentle and quiet spirit. That doesn't mean being introverted and shy, like extroverted, loud women are offensive to God. No, gentle and quiet spirit means somebody who is at peace, not trying to use her position to manipulate and control, but someone who is full of trust in God. That's what's precious to God, very precious to God, because that's the spirit that Jesus had.

Submission with a quiet spirit was a core dimension of Jesus' character. That's more valuable to God than your beauty, and in tough situations, you should, like Christ, be more concerned about what God thinks than what you can use your power to manipulate and get for yourself. To say it very simply, the Christ-likeness of your person is more valuable to God than the stylishness of your purse. Your faith is more precious to God than your face or your figure. Submission to God is ultimately more powerful than anything beauty can procure for you. Single ladies, he is saying your future is going to be determined not by how beautiful you can make yourself or how you can perfectly present yourself. You can't post enough beautiful photos of yourself online to make up for what you feel like you're missing. That's never going to make you feel secure.

What you're looking for is found in the presence and the promise of your Heavenly Father. Don't adorn yourself, he would say, with filtered Instagram photos. Don't make that the focus of your identity. Sometimes you wonder when you see a picture on Instagram how many different times that person took that picture in order to get that perfect one they put up there.

Don't adorn yourself with filtered Instagram photos. Put on Christ. Let him worry about your future. Here's another application for Peter's words. Married ladies, it's wrong to use your sexual appeal to manipulate your husband to do what you want, to withhold that relationship from him until he conforms to the way that you want him to be. He would say that's using your beauty, your sexuality, his power, giving him the cold shoulder, making life miserable for him until he does what you want. That's using your power in the relationship to manipulate and control. That's not how Jesus used his power. Number one, what Peter says to be like Christ in your marriage, Christ's likeness means that you use your power, whatever it is, wherever you find it, to bless and to serve, never manipulate and control. That raises the question, what if you're doing your part, but your spouse doesn't seem to be keeping up their end of the bargain and they're not doing what they're supposed to do? What if they're not even a Christian?

So that leads us to number two. In all things, he says, do good, obey God, and trust him. That was the example of Christ, right? In the face of incompetence and injustice, what did Christ do?

Well, we saw that at the beginning, right? He committed himself to him who judges justly, and then he kept doing good and trusting God with the results. Look at Peter's example of Sarah in verse five. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves by submitting to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him Lord.

And you are her children if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening. The use of Sarah as an example here is really helpful. Abraham was not a perfect man by a long shot.

I know we got our songs about Father Abraham having many sons and I being one of them and so are you, but if you read Genesis and you'll see that Abraham really blew it a number of times. He led their family to places he shouldn't have led them and he made some truly boneheaded decisions. But Sarah, Peter says, stayed by him and was submitted to his leadership. Sarah was not like, look, this guy does not know what he is doing clearly.

It'd be better with me in charge. It might have been, right, but what did she do? Verse six, she did the right thing that she knew to do, which was honoring her husband's leadership and committing herself to God. And as a result, it says she didn't fear what was frightening. Remember Kathy Keller's statement I gave you earlier? Like, look, I'm going to let you decide this because this is the leadership role God has given you, but then I'll trust God that right or wrong decision. God's going to take care of me because I'm doing what I'm supposed to do.

Right? This doesn't mean, by the way, ladies, that you don't offer your opinion even strongly at times. Any man, I will tell you, who makes decisions for his family without counsel of his wife is a fool. It means that your attitude in marriage is dominated by a calm trust in God, not a frantic manipulation to get what you want and take care of yourself because you've committed yourself to him.

And let me use this moment to say, to be really clear on something so nobody's confused. Peter is not saying that spousal abuse is okay or that God wants you to stay in a home where you're being abused and just take it like some sort of expression of Christ-likeness. Y'all, there is no passage of scripture that would encourage you to do that. If for no other reason than staying in an abusive home is enabling somebody to sin.

Psalm 11 says that the Lord hates those who do violence and you should not subject yourself or your children to that. You need to protect yourself and your kids and help your spouse get help also. Now, I realize, of course, that's a very difficult situation.

But it's impossible for me to address the particulars of different situations in general ways. So let me just say that if you've got questions about this or you think you might be in a relationship like this, let me encourage you to reach out for some help. You could start with our counseling ministry here called Bridge Haven and go from there. Or if it's more of an emergency, you could call the Domestic Violence Hotline and I'll put that number right here on the screen for you. Regardless, to get us back to the point, Peter's point, is that in any situation you find yourself in, right, regardless of what your spouse is doing, you've got to continue doing good and trusting God with the results. Nobody else's sin justifies your sin.

Your husband or your wife, if they're being dumb and they're acting like an idiot, you keep obeying God and you keep trusting Him. When you do that, God promises to help you just like He did Christ. Psalm 125, the Lord is good to those who walk uprightly.

He is their shield and their support. Psalm 34, the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and His ears are attentive to their cry. The Lord will rescue His servants.

No one who takes refuge in Him will ever be forsaken. So when in all things you do good and you obey God and you trust Him, God promises to be your refuge and He'll take care of you. On the flip side, Peter says when you take matters into your own hands, you're going to mess everything up and then God becomes your enemy. See verse 7, likewise, husbands, show honor to the woman so that your prayers may not be hindered. Men, when you use your power to coerce, you might be able to manipulate or control your wife to get what you want from her, but your prayers are going to be hindered and you're going to lose God's blessing and that's far more devastating. When you're a jerk to your wife and you're unkind and you're not thinking about how to love and bless and take care of her and putting her needs first, God says, I literally cut off the answers to your prayer and that's not a place you want to be on. Honor her because that's the path that provides God's protection.

Listen, I've told you this before, but when you take vengeance matters into your own hands in marriage, you mess everything up. One of my favorite stories is a woman had a new shirt that she had gotten a new blouse and she was so excited about it and so she asked her husband to zip it up in the back, just put it on and so he goes over and he was being a little unhelpfully playful and so he zips it up and then he'd zip up and down two or three times and broke the zipper. Brand new shirt. She couldn't even wear it to the things she wanted to wear it to and she was so mad. She had put on a different shirt. She goes out to the event, comes back and the car is pulled out in the driveway and she sees his leg sticking out from underneath the car and so she thinks, oh, I'll just pay him back. She reaches down, grabs his zipper on his pants and zips it three or four times just like he had done to her and feels a sense of satisfaction like I paid him back and goes in the house. There she is greeted by her husband that is standing there at the kitchen sink and she thinks, who was out there? And it goes out there, it was the neighbor. The neighbor had come to do doing a favor, doing some work on their car and he was passed out cold. This is a true story that they found out later after he revived. He said, well, when somebody grabbed my zipper, I did what any sensible man would do.

I sat straight up and hit his head on the engine and knocked himself out. When you take matters into your own hands, it always ends badly. The point is you trust God, you keep doing good and you let God deal with it because God deals with it much better than you. Listen, Summit Family, there's a song we sing where the chorus says this. You, Lord, are worthy to receive all my worship and here it is. Nobody can worship you but me. Only you can worship God for yourself, right?

And it's not dependent on how other people treat you. Only you can act on his promises, only you can obey. So I want us to remind ourselves of that right now. I want us to declare that, that in all situations we're going to serve and obey God and then I'll bring us back together for our final brief point. Jeremiah 10 and 6 says there is none like you, O Lord, for you are great and your name is great and might. Since we posed the question who is like the Lord and we know that no one is like him, let's take some time to worship with this song. It says you, Lord, you are worthy. And no one can worship you for me. And no one can worship you for me. For all the things you've done for me, Lord.

For all the things you've done for me. Hallelujah. No one can worship you for me. No one can worship you for me.

If you believe that, wherever you are, just extend your hands and say here's my worship. Here's my worship. All of my worship. All of my worship. Receive my worship.

Receive my worship. All of my worship. All of my worship.

Say it again, say here's my worship. Here's my worship. All of my worship. Father, receive my worship. Receive my worship. All of my worship. All of my worship.

Come on, family, let's sing it again. Say you, Lord, are worthy. You, Lord, you are worthy. And no one can worship you for me. And no one can worship you for me.

I won't let no rocks cry out for me. I'll give them all the praise. And for all the things you've done.

For all the things you've done for me. No one can worship you for me. No one can worship you for me.

Come on, you got it now. Say here's my worship, Lord. Here's my worship. All of my worship. All of my worship.

Father, receive it all. Receive my worship. All of my worship. All of my worship.

Say here's my worship. Here's my worship. All of my worship. All of my worship. Father, receive my prayers. Receive my worship. Pesach my praise, my worship. I will always worship you. As long as I have breath in my body. I will always worship you. If that's in your heart, lift that up right here. I will always, I will always, I will always worship you.

Simply because you deserve it all. As long as I'm breathing. As long as I am breathing. I will always worship you.

Yes, I will. I will always worship you. I will always worship you.

I will always, I will always, I will always worship you. As long as I have breath in my body. As long as I am breathing. I'm breathing.

I am breathing. I will. I will.

I will. Yeah, Lord. Worship.

Come on, lift your hands. Say, here's my worship. Here's my worship. All of my worship. All of my worship. Oh, there is, see, my worship. See, my worship. All of my worship, Lord, yeah. So finally, number three, Peter teaches us that in marriage, grace is a more powerful change agent than is retribution.

Now, when I say that, everybody nods their heads at this, but nobody actually believes it. But what scripture teaches is that in a relationship like marriage, grace changes people far more quickly than retribution can because grace changes their heart. Victor Hugo had that great scene at the beginning of Les Mis where the hardened criminal Jean Valjean has his heart transformed, not by an act of retribution, but by an act of grace.

Pastor Brian told us that great story last week about giving that tip to that waitress that had just been so incompetent and unkind, but showing her an act of grace, it opened up her heart to just friendship and ultimately to even hear the gospel. I remember my dad telling a story about a lady that he worked with who was kind of his sworn enemy. She just did not like him at all. And she said all these unkind things and even spread false rumors about him. And then something went wrong in her life. And my dad, who was her boss, was able to minister her to help her and just to be there for her. And he said, she looked at me at one point, she said, why are you here?

I don't understand why with the way that I've treated you, you would be there. But it's that path of grace that opened up a relationship that ultimately led not just to a healed relationship, but to opportunities for the gospel. I heard an African-American lady share the story of her grandfather, the Reverend Willie Jenkins, who grew up in Mississippi under the hardship of Jim Crow.

In his later years, he worked for the integration of public schools. Well, because of this, some white teenagers cruised their neighborhood firebombing homes, vandalizing homes. They came to the Jenkins house, she said, and then the unexpected happened. They ran out of gas right in front of his house. Reverend Jenkins' sons were, they were ready to fight. You know, they were ready to defend. And they said that he reached out and picked up a glass bottle and busted it.

You know, they were assuming he was going to fight, but then he walked over to the car that was out of gas and he used that busted glass to create a funnel and then siphon some gas from his own car and filled the empty tank of those boys who had come to vandalize their property. That act of grace, she said, changed them. It changed their relationship. It ultimately opened up a path of healing.

They left the experience in shame, but changed by the experience. You see, that's what Peter is referring to, that kind of grace when he says, ladies, even when you're in the home of an unkind, even unsaved man, keep doing good. Keep responding like Christ so that the unsaved husband might be one without a word by the conduct of your wife because of the grace that gives them a taste of Jesus. You're not going to change his heart by manipulating him or berating him or wearing him down. His best shot at being changed is seeing the humble, trusting Christ-like spirit at work in you.

Through that, you win them. See how Peter uses that word? This is the way of Christ and it's how he changed us, Peter says. He left us an example that we would follow in his steps.

By the way, has he changed you this way? See, the scripture tells us that Jesus came to earth not to condemn you, but to save you. John 3 17, God did not send his son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through him might be saved. Right now, what he offers you is mercy. If you'll receive it, he died on a cross to suffer the penalty of your sin in your place. If you ignore that, then one day he will come again in judgment. But you right now could, if you choose, turn from your sin and receive his offer to be saved, to be united to him in mercy. John 3 16, for God so loved the world that he gave his one and only son that whoever believes in him receives him, will not perish but have eternal life.

Do you want to do that? Do you want to receive him? If so, I would just invite you to pray with me right now if you never have before.

All right, let's bow our heads. Father, you say, I know that I deserve punishment, but Jesus took it in my place. I surrender my life to you and receive your offer of forgiveness. Thank you, Jesus, for saving me. Amen. Listen, if you prayed that prayer, we'd love for you to let us know by just emailing prayer at summonrdu.com. It'll allow us to show you the next steps to begin a relationship with you that would show you how you can begin the discipleship journey of a lifetime.