God’s Laboratories, Part 2

Today on Summit Life with J.D. Greer. Men and women were created differently to reveal complementary aspects of the image of God. No, it's not that men are superior. Neither is superior. It's just the roles that are given are different so that when the two are doing the different roles, we can more accurately see and learn about God. Welcome back to a new week of solid biblical teaching here on Summit Life with Pastor J.D. Greer.

As always, I'm your host, Molly Vidovitch. You know, for a lot of us, our views on love and relationships were shaped in part by the songs that we listened to growing up or the movies that we watched as a teen. I mean, think about it. That's kind of true, right?

We all got those lyrics stuck in our head or that scene that we wanted to recreate in real life. But the reality is there's only one relationship model that we should care about. And thankfully, it doesn't come from Hollywood. Today, we're discovering the biblical design for marriage and family as Pastor J.D. continues our study in the book of Ephesians, Chapter 5.

Let's join him now. The end of Ephesians 5. Paul is going to give you another very important principle for spiritual growth. And that is, what is that thing that he is going to use to teach us about God?

That is our relationships. And he explains that these relationships are like laboratories that God has set up to make you like himself. He's going to go through three examples. We're going to spend most of our time on the first one. More important than the actual examples that I'm going to give you is the principle behind these examples.

And that principle, again, is that God is using our relationships to teach us about himself and to make us like himself. Okay? You with me? Enough intro.

Let's get into the first one. Mowage. Mowage.

All right? Verse 22. Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Verse 25. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. In the same way, husbands should love their wives as their own bodies, because he who loves his wife is really loving himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes it and cherishes it just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. Therefore, verse 31, a man shall leave his father and mother. This is a quote from Genesis 2, verse 25. Leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is profound, Paul says, because I am saying that this actually refers to Christ and the church. In other words, God gave marriage, get this, get this, God gave marriage to teach us about his love for us. You say how?

At least three ways. Number one, number one, in the delights of marriage we get a taste of the beauty of God. It is the love of God that is pictured in marriage that makes marriage so beautiful. It's why so many people cry in weddings. And I know we got people here that you're like, I'm not really interested in God, but yeah there's something about marriage that moves you, that's why.

It is whispering in your heart and calling out to you for a love that you were created for. Here's number two. Number two, in the roles of marriage we get a picture of the image of God. What we learn from Genesis is that man and woman are both created in the image of God, but differently, and this is what Paul is reminding them of in this passage, that they are different on purpose to reveal different aspects of the image of God.

Verse 23, look at that. It says, the husband plays the role of the head of the wife like Christ is the head of the church and is himself its savior, which means he is to lead her like God leads his people. And in leading her she gets to experience what God's leadership is like, like a ray of the sun. She gets to experience something of God in his leadership and you, the man, get to experience what it's like to love and to lead like God. When you study Genesis you find that there are at least four ways that man was clearly designated to be the leader in that relationship.

You don't have to turn back to Genesis 2, let me just walk you back through it. Genesis 2, the first thing you see is that he was to be a leader in provision. Before woman was ever created, man has a job in the garden. Number two, he leads spiritually. He leads spiritually.

When the woman is created, the man already has a relationship to God and she is brought into it. Number three, we see that he led in romance. He led in romance.

The first human words recorded in the Bible were that of the man composing a love poem about his wife, Genesis 2 26. Number four, in sacrifice. In sacrifice. Here in Ephesians you see that he is the lover like Christ loves the church.

The kind of leadership that comes not to be served but to serve. The point is in these four ways, husband, this is what you should hear. Your wife learns about God from you and you are supposed to learn to be like God as you love her and lead her. Wife. Wife, what is your role? You are to play the role of the church. How is the woman like the church? The wife is like the church in that she submits. You are like, uh-uh. No, he didn't. Yes, he did.

And I checked them to make sure this podium is bulletproof. She submits which means, A, she surrenders her ambitions to his. That means she ceases to build her own kingdom and yields herself to building her husband's and her family's kingdom. Let me make this clear because I don't want to over speak.

The Bible is not against women in careers but it is against those who do so at the expense of their families. This submission, B, means that she surrenders her will to his. Many of you are like, well, I'd submit if he'd grow up. My husband is such an idiot. I mean, last time I went to my sister's house he almost sold our house for some magic beans. I can't submit to that.

He'd drive us into the ground. Two thoughts, I only have time for two thoughts. Number one, if you only submit to your husband when you agree with him, that's not submission, that's agreement.

All right? Submission implies that you don't agree, otherwise it's not submission. And don't agree means that you think he's making a wrong decision. That's the only time you get to apply this verse. Number two, the reason that some of you don't have a husband who will take leadership is because you've always done it. You're like, but pastor, if I don't, somebody, nobody will. My challenge to some of you is, yeah, let that create a leadership vacuum and watch what that does to your husband. Because when that mantle of leadership falls on his shoulders, sometimes the weight of that changes him. Many of you have passive husbands because you've always stepped in and taken leadership. Now, man, I just remind you for us that leadership is never to dominate.

I'm to lead like Christ. I want to lead her in such a sacrificial way that submitting to me is a delight for her and not a burden. I tell my wife, I want her submission to me to be like her submission to the temptation to chocolate. Give in, let go, right?

This is the most enjoyable submission that you'll ever encounter. I want to lead my wife in a way that independence for me would be a burden. Here is the point, men and women were created differently to reveal complementary aspects of the image of God. No, it's not that men are superior. It's just that the roles we play are different. It's not that women are superior.

Neither is superior. It's just the roles that are given are different so that when the two are doing the different roles, we can more accurately see and learn about God. Y'all, and when you tear down that distinction as our culture is done, you remove something so very important that God intended to use to teach us about himself, which is why as our society has thrown this off, it has produced unparalleled harm in our homes and in our children. You can trace, you can trace the increase of crime, and by the way, I'm not even using preacher statistics here, okay?

These are real ones. You can trace, you can trace the increase of crime, dropout rates, teen pregnancy, suicide rates, homosexuality, and a number of other things to when our society formally rejected the biblical understanding of family. I'm not speaking politically here, okay? I'm just saying that when this idea of what the Bible had called the man and the woman to, when we lost that, when the radical feminist revolution really began to take over, and let me also make this clear, part of that revolution was awesome and needed, all right? And a lot of it tore down some of these these prejudices and stereotypes, and that was good. Women recognizing the equality of women, that was good, but it went too far in that it tore down any distinctions and said the only differences between men and women were the plumbing, and that is not true. Lots of parts of you are different to reveal different dimensions of the image of God, and we ignore that and we dismiss that at our peril, and I would say the stats prove that pretty abundantly.

Here's number three. In the forgiveness required in marriage, in the forgiveness required in marriage, we get a taste of the grace of God. In the forgiveness required in marriage, we get a taste of the grace of God. You know, the biggest learning curve in marriage I have found is how much you disappoint each other in that first year of marriage. Here's what the problem is, you think you're marrying somebody perfect, and then you get married, you're like, wow, how did they keep that hidden while we were dating?

How did I not see that? And a lot of people get really disappointed, and then they divorce, and they even feel justified because they're like, hey, you were supposed to make me happy. You didn't keep up your end of the contract, so I don't need to keep up my end either. You didn't make me happy, and so I'm leaving.

But here's the question. What if God's main intention in marriage was not to make you happy by giving you a perfect mate? Y'all, if that had been God's intention, he would have had us marry angels. Some newlywed guy says, I did marry an angel. Shut up, okay? No, you didn't. You married a sinner, and unless they are virgin born, chances are they got some deep dysfunction. And if you don't know that yet, have a good next year, okay?

Enjoy. What if God's intention in marriage is what Paul says it is, and that is to make you like Jesus? And what if in marriage he gives you a chance to be up close to a sinner, to see all their faults so you can learn how Jesus loves you and learn to love others that way? And men, this is the primary place that you are supposed to leave.

You want to know what your crown is that you're wearing? This is the one. Verse 25, love your wives like Christ loved the church. Guys, you ever stop to think about what that really means? To love your wife like Christ loves the church? Usually, we just think that that means we're sensitive and thoughtful and bring home flowers from time to time. Is that really, that's how Christ loved the church? He was thoughtful?

To quote C.S. Lewis, quote, the husband who embodies this verse is the one whose marriage most feels like a crucifixion. It is the husband whose wife receives most and gives the least. It is the one whose wife is most unworthy of him, who is in her own mere nature the least lovable. For the church has no beauty but what the bridegroom gives to her. Jesus does not find but makes the church lovely. Y'all, there's that moment in every wedding when the wife almost said storms in, but that's not what I'm trying to say.

She enters into the place. It's like a storm. It's like everybody turns and looks, you know, and it's, and in that moment in that wedding I get a lump in my throat and it's usually not because of how beautiful the woman is. If I've done your wedding, no offense.

The corner of my eye right here, I'm seeing somebody did their wedding recently. It's usually not because of how beautiful she is, though she is indeed beautiful as they come through the that door. It's because suddenly I remember usually in that moment that here is a woman that is beautifully dressed, purity, just what an incredible, what an incredible beauty that she's coming through. And I remember that in the wedding that this one is supposed to picture, when I came into that ceremony, I was not perfect and spotless and beautiful.

I was deformed and scarred and used and had sold and given myself to sin so many times that I came through as if I were the worst possible woman alive. And Jesus stood there as the perfect bridegroom. He did not find me lovely. He made me lovely.

You picture that in marriage. You help your spouse become lovely. How did Jesus do that? How did Jesus make me lovely? Look at verse 25, it shows you. Christ loved the church, gave himself up for her that he might sanctify her, that he might present the church to himself holy and without blemish.

How did he sanctify her? By absorbing her sin when we wronged him. You help your spouse become holy, not by punishing them for their sin or paying them back, but by giving them radical grace, right? I mean when our spouses have a problem, when my wife has a blemish in marriage, our way to correct that is usually to try and fix them. I'm gonna pay them back.

This was like my entire first year of marriage. I'm gonna confront my wife and argue her back into godliness. This is clearly what you're doing wrong and I'm here to be God's tool of sanctification. And I'm gonna pay you back and teach you to love God.

They wronged you so you will yell at them and you'll correct them. But that's not how Jesus changed you, is it? Jesus didn't change you by paying you back for your sin. He changed you by absorbing the effects of your sin into himself and seeing his grace awoke in me a love for him that completely changed my heart. God uses marriage to a sinner to put me in a relationship where I can give that kind of grace to my spouse and I can experience that kind of grace from her.

That means whatever my wife disappoints me or hurts me, I can lash out. I can pay her back or I can experience God's greater purposes in my life, even in her unfairness. Her rudeness was sovereignly appointed by God, part of the all things of Ephesians 1-11.

It was sovereignly appointed by God to teach me what I am like to God, to teach me how much he's forgiven me of and to give me a chance to learn to love like him. That doesn't excuse them for what they're doing. I mean, it's not like, you know, they're gonna answer to God for their actions. They can't be like, yep, I'm only being rude because God wants me to be a tool of your sanctification.

No, they're gonna answer to God for that. But I'm saying I can understand that even in that, God has a purpose for me. I'm also not saying that when you're being wronged, you just stand there and you take it. I mean, you correct them. One of the best examples of this, but when you correct them, it's not to pay them back, it's because you love them and you know what their behavior is doing to them and what it's doing to your relationship. And so in love, without trying to pay them back, you correct them. One of the best pictures ever given to us of this was Jesus in the Sermon on the Mount when he talked about turning the other cheek. I've explained this to you before, but just in case you missed it, here it is. When Jesus talked about turning the other cheek, a lot of times we miss what he was saying because we think it means you just stand there, you keep taking it. You know, here I got another one.

I mean, it's, no. If he had meant that, he would have said turn the same cheek to them. The person, get this, the person who is attacking you in Jesus's little turn the other cheek thing is not trying to actually kill you because if so, because if so, you don't go for somebody's cheek.

Like martial arts people never tell you, hey, you want to bring some real damage? The cheek. No, the cheek in the Jewish understanding was the symbol of relationship, the face. So when somebody smacked your cheek, they'd insulted the relationship.

That's what they done. He says, you turn the relationship back to them and you offer to restore the relationship. You may have to confront their wrong, but you do so without going after their cheek.

You do so by reestablishing and reoffering this relationship. What that means is that when I'm wronged in marriage or wherever, yes, sometimes I confront, I say, look, this is destructive. It's hurting you, but I don't do it in a way of getting their cheek back. I'm not giving them the silent treatment.

I'm not yelling at them. I'm saying, yes, this is destructive for you, but I'm going to reoffer you grace. This is exactly what Jesus did when he died on the cross. He confronted the sin. He called for repentance, but he offered us not judgment.

He offered us grace. He says, you love like that. You look, I can hear your thoughts.

You should be like, wow, do you live this, JD? Sometimes. Especially during those weeks that I'm preaching on marriage. Done some really great things for my wife this week and she was like, you're preaching on marriage again, aren't you? Yep. Yep. So you see in these three ways marriage is given to us to be God's laboratory for teaching us about himself. Where do I end this?

Okay. All your relationships are given to you to teach you about God. Christian growth takes place when the beauty and glory of this one God that you have come to know so captures your heart that it transforms all your relationships, everything you do so that even the most mundane becomes a way to serve him and to be like him and to know him and it gives you purpose in everything. Christians are used to what we call the sacred and secular split. Sacred is what happens in here. Secular is what happens out there. This is where God lives.

That's where, you know, we live. What Paul shows you is there is no sacred and secular split. Everything is spiritual. How you act and respond to an unjust boss at work, how you respond to your parents, how you respond to your children, how you respond to your spouse, how you respond everywhere, ultimately is a response first and foremost to God. So even Jesus Christ, when he stands before Pilate, the most unjust judge of all, doesn't respond to him, he responds to God because God is sovereign and in every situation, I'm not responding to my spouse, I'm not responding to my boss, I'm not responding to my parents, I am responding to God.

That's what you got to hear from this. Always respond to God. When my boss treats me unfairly, I'm like, hey, I'm not working for you, I'm working for God, so I'm gonna do a good job whether you deserve it or not. When my parents, when I was a kid, I obey my parents because I'm submitting to God.

It's all a response to God. And when you get that, when you get that, it gives you purpose to every part of your life. The pressing question is, do you know this God that has created in you such a passion for change, a God that is better than any other earthly reality you've ever found, a God that gives purpose to every part of your life, a God that has always been there in your life and is the real answer to all the questions that you've been asking. If not, you can know Him today by receiving Jesus Christ, His Son, as Lord and Savior. Christianity is simply believing that God has paid for all your sins in Jesus and receiving that and surrendering to Him as God and the Lord of your life. If you've never done that, you can do it today.

You can do it today. If you've never received the free gift of salvation, let me encourage you to visit us online at jdgrier.com where you can learn more about a relationship with Jesus and find lots of free resources to help you get started in your faith. So, J.D., for the past few days on the program, you've been teaching from Ephesians chapter 5, one of the most cherished parts of this book. It has so much to say about relationships, right? You know, every time I preach through Ephesians, specifically chapter 5, what I realize is that our vertical relationship with God, when that is in order, our horizontal relationships with each other begin to make a lot more sense. That's why we keep returning to this passage of Scripture as an anchor. It's a foundation, a pattern for all of our other relationships. In fact, I would tell you, chances are if you've got horizontal disruption, whether it's with your spouse or whether it's with friends or anybody in your life, chances are you're going to find the antidote, the answer to that embedded in Ephesians 4 and Ephesians 5. When we seek from relationships what we can only find in God, then you end up disappointed, unfulfilled, but God is the missing piece.

He's the one that will never fail you. This is just one of the topics that you can dive deeper into with our new Bible study that will help you slow down and work through the book of Ephesians and let its truth saturate your soul. This is a nine-part study that's now available to anybody who makes a donation of $25 or more at jdguirre.com.

It's easy. You can go there, jdguirre.com, and we would love to connect with you and we'd love to be able to put this Bible study into your hands. Well, we'd love to get you a copy of that new Summit Life study titled Mystery and Clarity, the book of Ephesians.

Be sure to call right away because this is the final week to reserve your copy. The nine-part Bible study is yours with our thanks when you donate today the suggested level of $25 or more. Your gift helps us expand so that we can reach even more people with gospel-centered Bible teaching just like today's program. We're grateful to have you on board with this mission, God's mission, and just reminding you that at least 10% of what you give today takes that mission one step further to start and equip new churches around the country and around the world. Remember to ask for your copy of Mystery and Clarity when you call 866-335-5220.

That's 866-335-5220 or give online at jdguirre.com. I'm Molly Bidevich inviting you to join us Tuesday as Pastor JD shows us that the unseen spirit world is very real around us and it affects our lives a lot more than we probably think. Join us tomorrow right here on Summit Life with J.D. Greer. Today's program was produced and sponsored by J.D. Greer Ministries.