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January 31, 2020 7:00 am
Hi there this is on Solomon and not like to thank you for joining us today. You know God is blessed us and allowed us to be on hundreds of stations around the nation, declaring the uncompromising truth of his work for the wonderful privilege and honor it is to do that. I want to thank you for your generosity because only with your help. Are we able to stay on these stations and hopefully go on more stations with enough giving by our partners and our friends. So go to lawn Solomon ministries.com and everything there. You need to know is on that website and now let's get to the word of God talk about dating and related fear that after 18 years of being a pastor and count all kinds of couples. I am more convinced than ever that this is how you build a successful relationship you build it on character and the marriages that are built on that foundation, are the marriages that really make this what I want to talk to you tonight about see as guys we often pick a gal out that we want to get interested in. We pick him out for the wrong reasons we looking we go wow I love her hair while I love her face. While I love her superstructure and I want a relationship with this girl but superstructure changes Brandon and our girls. We hear you guys you guys don't think I will ever listen to you. We listen to you guys talk you say wow and you got great eyes while Penny got a great smile and he got a cute little but you folks back. That's exactly what Brenda said about me when we first met you know great eyes living in Rome at this oh so. But things change, folks you want any of you guys do ugly listen to Lisa's work out the 104 noon. You listen to that. What is a guy that comes on in the middle of the work out his big old deep bass voice and he says this he says it's not the pants that make your butt look so big it's the chili cheese fries and see after 24 years of chili cheese fries I didn't even get one leg into a pair jeans. I used to wear when Brenda and I were dating things like that change, but character doesn't change character is the foundation upon which you can build a lasting and successful relationship.
And so tonight I want to talk to about the marks of a great mates and are all character. I'm not going to talk to you thing about chemistry your looks, or shape. Talk about character and guys.
These are the character qualities that I'm going to outline for you that you're looking for in a gal gal. These are the things that you're looking for in a guy if you're serious about building a strong lasting Christian marriage Christian family and Christian home. Now remember were all just growing in our walk with God, do not find anybody who's got all this stuff in absolute prefer perfect development. There is no such person, but what you can find is a person that has all of these qualities in their life and their serious about them and they're working on them and they're trying to grow and mature in these areas of your life that you can find, and that's really what you're looking for and I got seven to give you and I hope you write them down and hope you'll use them as you date and go out with people really do them quickly ready. Here we go number one spiritual quality. Number one is if you want to build a successful Christian home Christian family, Christian marriage, you're looking number one for person who is spiritually connected Alyssa in the second Corinthians chapter 6, the only attorney I'll ask you to turn another passage in a minute. Listen to what second Corinthians chapter 6 is verse 14 it says do not be yoked together with unbelievers rely on another translation usually will say, do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers and what this means. It's a picture from the world of agriculture of the Old Testament. What it means is you got a plow.
You put two animals on the front of this plow on the yoke and you could have them pull the plow. What the Bible is telling us here is that when you take two animals of completely different character and nature, and you put them on the same yoked to pull the same plow. It's not going to go well if you put a horse and a mule on the same yoked to pull the plow. They're not going to pull it into InSync. If you put an ox and an elephant on the same yoked to pull the plow. Things are not going to go well there little pull at cross purposes and out of sync with each other and in the same way God said if you take a Christian and you take a non-Christian, you put them on the same yoked the yoke to pull the plow of marriage and you ask him to pull it together. They are not going to pull InSync they're gonna pull at cross purposes because a believer and a nonbeliever have different value systems. They have different priorities in life. They have different worldviews they find pleasure in different things, and very often they have different morals and different ethics. You cannot put them on the same yoke and expect them to pull a plow together very well and friends. If you're serious about your walk with Jesus Christ.
If you're serious about establishing a long successful relationship.
A solid marriage of Christian know that you are looking for person who doesn't just say no to Norman you are looking for person who has a vibrant, active, growing, living real authentic relationship with Jesus Christ and takes it seriously and don't settle for anything else you will regret it. The rest of your life principle number two is if you want to make marriage work you're looking for. Principle number two. A giver not a big part of what makes marriage so difficult is that marriage is not a 50-50 deal to make marriage work to make intimacy work both people have to be giving 100% and takers have a very difficult time making marriage work.
More often than not takers find it nigh on impossible to make the kind of intimacy and demands of a marriage work. They saw a bumper sticker the other day that that I love. Here's what it said it said honk if you've been married to Liz Taylor about ethical bumper sticker coming times.
Liz Taylor been married 20. Figure 89.
I've lost count out of the happy times it is what's wrong with this woman. I mean after being married for 565. You think you figure out what she was looking for get it right when you become the woman can't seem to find anybody that she can stay married with Dr. Joyce Brothers wrote an article explaining why I thought it was a very insightful article. Here's what Dr. Brother said she said the reason that Liz Taylor can stay married is because Liz Taylor is a love consumer.
She's not a lot of giver. Liz Taylor knows how to be law. She knows how to consume love. It's being shown to her.
She knows how to embrace love is being given but she does not know how to give love anybody else she's a consumer not a giver and Dr. Brother, said Liz Taylor could married 50 people and every one of those marriages will end in divorce because as long as somebody is loving her and giving to her.
She does fine. But as soon as the demand is put on her like marriage puts it on you to have to start giving love to somebody else. She picks up her Gucci bag and she goes all she sees. You can do it.
So, Dr. Brother, said Liz Taylor is never going to have a marriage that works is you know how to give and friends. This is that I think an incredible insight and what it means is when we are looking for great mate. We are looking for person who knows how to give love because they are the people who make marriage work. We are looking for people who know how to give of themselves or because they are the ones who know how to make relationships work and I love what Philippians chapter 2 verses three and four says Philippians 2 says that I'll read it to you. It says Philippians chapter 2 verse three do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider other people's needs along with your own. Each of you should look out not only for your own interest, but also for the interests of others. You should have this same attitude and you that Jesus Christ you know Jesus Christ is the quintessential example of being a giver. He came to earth and died on the cross to because we needed him to. He came to earth and gave his life for us because he did what Philippians 2 said he put his knee our needs. Rather, I had of his knees. He put our interest ahead of his interest, and that's why did it ever Philippians 2 is telling us is that this is the way to live. If we want to make relationships work. I'll tell you of God blessed me beyond my wildest dreams and giving them a life Brenda. She is one of the greatest givers I have ever met in my life shall give up close that she really wants because she rather buy clothes for children shall give up going somewhere that she really wants to go to stay home and take care of something for the family that needs to be done shall give up some pleasure that she wants to have the stay and go and meet the needs of another person that she feels like she ought to be there meeting and shall give up doing what she wants to do to do that, almost to the point that sometimes I get angry with her and say you know at some point you need to think of yourself I meet at some point you gotta do something for you and it wonderful to be married somebody to somebody you try to talk him into doing something for them. What a wonderful blessing.
One of the reasons our marriages work for 24 years is because I married one of the greatest givers I've ever met in my life. God blessed me with that. These are the people who make marriage work givers and that's who you're looking for. Number three you want to be looking to marry somebody who's not afraid of hard work. See Hollywood is wrong. It's not all about fireworks marriage is not all about fireworks and warm fuzzy music and strolling off the sides.
You forget that that has nothing to do with this at all, marriage is all about hard work, friends, marriage is all about diligence and responsibility and industriousness. It's about duty and commitment and holding up your end of the wagon. That's what marriage is all about.
And if you're looking for a marriage partner you're looking for spiritual Marine you looking for somebody who understands Semper Fi you looking for somebody who doesn't run for cover when the hard work start down when you go to your boyfriend's parents house. Pay attention to what he does watching the walking, the house plopped down on the sofa, starting a little bit of chocolate or some cookies while his mother sets the table and gets the whole meal on after dinner.
It is a go over sit in the easy chair and watch the football game and take your shoes off while his mother cleans up the dishes and put them all in the dishwasher and knock yourself out and lays down totally exhausted on the couch.
Three hours later. I mean does the guy get up and help. They are dizzy just sit there let everybody else do the hard work.
Be careful whatever he expects his mother to do is what he will expect you to do and you know what marriage is a lot of hard work. You don't want to marry somebody who wants you to do it. All ladies or vice versa guys when we're looking for someone to marry were looking for a guy or gal who has no illusions about life being easy. A person who will put their shoulder to the plow and will pull it right along next to you would like to, you will be partners with you.
You don't want a lazy person to be married to you want a person who has the character to do hard work number four.
A person that you're looking for to marry is a person that is sensitive to the needs of other people. I want to take a Bible and look with me at first Corinthians chapter 13 it's page 813 in our copy of the Bible. If you can bring a Bible use our copy page 813 in our copy or first Corinthians chapter 13 in your copy. They say first Corinthians 13 prescriptive authority that sounds so familiar whereby what chapters that that's the love chapter 1 everybody has read it there marriage ceremony. You know, so I was in the reads prescriptive 13th is a will on yak like your little bit. I don't know, cynical about the enemy. What's the problem with reading first Corinthians 13 at your marriage ceremony does no problem at all is wonderful but marriages don't work because you get up and read first Corinthians 13. At the ceremony.
Marriages work because you take first Corinthians 13 and you live it in the marriage now look what it says here about what makes a successful lover and a marriage. A successful partner in a marriage. Look at verse four it says love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
Verse five. It is not rude and it is not self-seeking.
Now look at the words God uses here to describe a person who makes a good lover and a good marriage partner. A person who is patient who is kind who's not jealous, not boastful, not proud, not rude, not self-seeking to sum up, this is a person who is sensitive to the needs of other people that why is this so important friends. It's so important because marriage is a relationship if you do it right that peels the layers away and exposes you like no other relationship in the world. If you do marriage right. Marriage is a relationship where you become not only physically naked with one another, but where you become emotionally and spiritually naked with one another.
Remember what God said in Genesis 2 it says the man and the woman were together and they were naked and they were not ashamed and he's not just talking about being physically naked, but being emotionally naked with one another as well. It's a relationship that slowly peels away the levels so we become more more vulnerable with each other.
We become more and more aware of one another's deepest fears, deepest insecurities, deepest fall and when you're in a relationship like that if one of the people in it is an insensitive, verbally abusive, brutish sort of person that abuses other people you can do damage because you're revealing yourself at a level that no other relationship calls for, and you can do damage that is life long if you marry a person that sarcastic and cynical and insensitive. You looking for a gentle person to marry you looking for person with whom you can be safe when you're emotionally naked you looking for person who sensitive to the feelings of others.
I was getting my haircut the other day when I was reading a Mlle. and so I ran across his what was promised that I will get the pictures I just read the article and so anyway so anyway I was reading one of the Q&A's in Mlle. and here's what this girl writes in and says she says question. She says I went to see a sad movie with the dates and he cried at the end of the movie was mortified.
Does this mean he is a total will.
This was requested. I read this and I thought this girl clueless, clueless I mean imagine this now.
Your guy you out with a girl on a date that you hardly even know you go see a movie and this guy has enough sensitivity that he begins to break up and weep over some part of this sad movie. This is not a wimp. This is a wonderful person, all other things being equal. This is a guy who can be touched by the pain and the path lost in the feelings of others, even through a movie made of everything else was good. I grabbed this guy in a heartbeat.
Because if you cried a movie he'll cry when your real needs become known to be sensitive to them when I grab a guy like that girl. What's wrong with this girl, God is she want Mark Joan Marchal is that what she wants. Who wants a guy like that and guys, believe me you don't want to marry Roseann. You know that's not who you looking for.
You are looking for people who are sensitive to the needs of other people who can be touched by the pain and the real hurts of others because in marriage, you can appeal it all off and you want somebody that safe want somebody that sensitive without hurry number five ready you looking for somebody who's loyal look what it says your first Corinthians 13. Look at verse seven it says love always protects, always trust it always hopes, always perseveres. In describing true love verse seven is telling us like a big old neon sign. This person is loyal this person is loyal this person is loyal not being loyal doesn't mean that your doormat I meet these guys all the time.
You know Christian guys and when they when they die dating a girl what they want is for the girl to submit first question I asked him when they go out on a date.
Have you read Ephesians 5, you know what it says in their usual Greek word for submit and are looking for some woman rollover play then let them do whatever they feel like it.
That's not biblical submission. That's not biblical loyalty. I have a definition of submission. I love to share with young Christian guys. I say hey listen submission does not mean that a woman shuts up, put your brain in neutral and accepts every stupid idea.
You come up with. That's not submission your ladies can clap if you want, you should not submission real submission means real loyalty means that you got the courage to be honest with your partner.
You got the courage to be real with your partner and if you see danger and if you see trouble headed you see problems that you did that you take the relationship serious enough that you're going to take the risk to tell that other person I see trouble here. I see problems here. That's real loyalty harbored under the last two quick ready Arrigo number six you looking for person who knows how to forgive see marriage as a contact sport.
You might not believe it but it is in order to talk in the number four message in the series about how to fight fair because I promise you if you get married you can find if you don't, somebody is is is either had a lobotomy or is Justin showing up. Do you verify it's going to happen. The real secret is how do you fight without destroying the relationship are going to talk about that in message number four. You don't want to miss that.
But the point is, when you fight people get bruised people get hurt people's feelings get them is not only physically bruised but emotionally bruised and if you go to make a long-term marriage work.
You would have to be a person who knows how to forgive because people hurt each other in marriage is. I mean, is it just happened. Now let's all agree, forgiveness is not easy for some people it's easier than others, but the person you're looking for is a person who when you watch them interact in your dating relationship.
When they get hurt they are people who know how to forgive. They know how to put it behind them. They know how to make it ancient history. They know how not to bring it up again and they know how to go on with life. Is there will how do I find this out. Do I go out of my way to walk up and go you know what address is really ugly in your eyes tonight. You know they're all proud to do on sorry would you forgive me. Is that how we find out if people can forgive no no, listen, you will create a not problems and opportunities for this just date.
You'll have plenty of opportunities to do this you don't need to go looking for. Just be yourself and believe me, they'll happen.
All right, but when you are yourself and they do happen.
Find out does this person know how to forgive or my still here in two years later about the thing I did on the first day your dad from because you'll be hearing about the rest of your life. You want a person who can provoke and forget what you did on the first date.
Forgive it and let's get on with life. Okay, last of all, you looking for person with integrity person with integrity.
Ask yourself some questions about this person does he or she mean what they say and say what they mean.
They is this a person I can count on. Do they keep their promises.
Does he or she fulfill their obligations as they do they get to their appointments on time to they go through their calendar and their to do list and do they carry all this stuff out of a people of responsibility to they pay their taxes without cheating. They tell the truth.
This is person tell the truth. They asked me to answer the phone and say they're not there.
Can you trust this other person implicitly because you see, trust is a basic building block of marriage. You can't build a marriage without trust and trust is based on integrity, you can't trust the person who doesn't have integrity so integrity is key to making a marriage work to find out is this a person of integrity.
Watch how they live and decide cannot trust this person when I lay my life in their hands because that's really what you doing when you get married. Both of well it's let's review okay. What are the seven things ought to be looking for a marriage partner. Number one, a person is spiritually connected number two. A giver number three, a hard worker, number four, a person that sensitive to the feelings and the needs of others. Number five, a person is loyal. Number six, a person who knows how to forgive the number seven.
A person who has integrity and listen to me guys, you find a person that has these seven qualities in their life and I'm telling you it doesn't matter what your eyes look like doesn't matter what their hair looks like doesn't matter what their teeth look like an adult matter what their superstructure looks like you can build a long-lasting successful relationship with a person who has these kinds of character qualities. This is what you're looking for the rest of it's going to come and go. Believe me this is what last and this is what Bill successful relationship next week to talk about chemistry were to talk about why opposites attract, and were going to talk about why after you've been attracted to an opposite you can't seem to get along with them. You come next week we'll talk about that all right. Let's pray together for the thanks so much for talking to us tonight about what it really means to find a partner that we can build a lasting relationship with and my prayer is that you would would help each of these young guys and gals here who are searching for such a partner that you would help them Lord to make sure they understand just what the target is just what kind of man or working woman they're really looking for. We thank you God for reminding us tonight that it's character, not outward beauty, not chemistry, not personality, not looks.
But it's character that Bill successful relationships and I pray that you would help each of these guys and gals to find a person of character like that that they can build this kind of relationship with before we commit them to you in Jesus name and listening to Dale and Dr. Lon Solomon said LAN is an outrage and online sound in ministering to listen to today's message, or for more information visit our website. Lon Solomon ministries.org. Thank you for your support. If you would like to contact us, please visit our website or call us at 866-788-7770 and you will join us next time in line 16 answer one of life's mission questions