The Marks of a True Friend - Life of Paul Part 78

Good morning. How are you? Good. Welcome to all you guys down in overflow.

We're so glad you're here. Hey, have you brought a Bible today? How about opening it with me to Acts chapter 20?

We're going to continue in our study of the life of the great man, the apostle Paul. Now, you know, when boxer Mike Tyson was once asked if he trusted his promoter and closest friend, Don King, here's what he said, and I quote. He said it all depends what I'm trusting him for, end of quote. And you know what he was really trying to say, I think, is that there's no friend you can trust 100%.

I mean, sooner or later, given when push comes to shove, every friend you got is going to let you down. Now, we're going to look at the apostle Paul today, and what we're going to see is that he was the kind of friend that Mike Tyson doesn't believe exists. And what we want to do is we want to pull out of the example of the apostle Paul, we want to pull out of that example with the marks of being a great friend really are. And then we want to bring all that forward into the 21st century and talk to you and me as followers of Christ today as to well, so what difference does that make to us?

So that's our game plan. And let me give you a little bit of background before we dig in, because it's been a while since we've been in Paul's life. Remember that here in Acts chapter 20, the apostle Paul is finishing up his third missionary journey. He started that missionary journey, Acts chapter 19, by spending three years in Ephesus. He led people to Christ there, he discipled them, he mentored them, he trained them, he got the church there, started it on its feet. Then Paul went to Greece and visited all the churches that he had started on his second journey, collecting money and offering for the poor believers that were living in Jerusalem. Now here in Acts 20, as he approaches the end of his third missionary journey, it's the spring of 57 AD. Paul is carrying that offering on his way to Jerusalem to give it to the poor believers there.

Let's show you a map. He's actually working his way from north to south down the western coast of modern day Turkey, and he's arrived at the city of Miletus. And as you can see, the city of Miletus is very close to Ephesus where he had spent three years, not too long before. And so when he gets here, he sends to the church leaders there in Ephesus, the elders of that church, and they come to Miletus and join him. When they do, Paul says, you know, guys, this is the last time you're ever going to see my face here on earth. This is it.

God's told me that. And so he gives them a little speech here in Acts 20 where he shares with them the principles that shaped his ministry and that defined his life. It's a wonderful five principles. We've covered them all. We're not going to review them.

You can get them in our bookstore. But now as we come to the very end of the chapter, the speech is over. Paul's ready to keep going and they're about to part ways.

And that's where we pick up the story. Okay, so Acts chapter 20 verse 36. When Paul had finished saying all these things, he knelt down and he prayed with them all. As we said earlier, Paul and these men knew this was going to be the last time they were ever going to see each other on this on this earth. And what's interesting to me is that instead of going to the to the saloon and drinking away their last meeting together, instead of going to some restaurant and eating away their last meeting together, isn't it interesting that Paul and these men went to their knees and they prayed away their last meeting together?

Well, verse 37. And as they were praying, the men began to weep aloud. Then they embraced Paul. Literally, they fell on Paul's neck. They clung to Paul's neck and they repeatedly kissed him, grieving especially over his statement that they would never see his face again. Folks, do you get the scene here?

These guys on the sand on the beach hanging on Paul's neck, kissing him repeatedly? I mean, does this seem does this seems does it seem a little strange to you? I mean, grown men weeping out loud. When's the last time you saw that happen? I mean, when I go to the movies, if it's a kind of a sad movie and I start getting choked up, man, I don't want a body to see that. You know, I do the old speck in the eye thing or the, you know, deep breath.

Look at the ceiling thing or the something's in my lap thing. But man, I mean, what you know, you don't want anybody see you as a grown man blubbering and just crying out loud. And these guys were blubbering all over each other.

And then how about this grown man hugging and hanging on a man's neck and kissing another man repeatedly? You know, as a grown man, there are only three other grown men in the world that I kiss. They're my three boys.

One of them's 26. His name's Jamie. Now he hugs and kisses me back.

The second one is named Justin. He's 22. Well, he's kind of get used to the idea. And my youngest son, John, who's 19, when I try to kiss him, he pushes me away and says, Dad, that is gay.

Well, we're going to get his mind right before we're done on this. But those are the only three men in the whole world that I kiss. And I'll bet if you're a grown man and you're here today, I'll bet you, with the exception of your sons and maybe your own father, there's probably not another grown man anywhere in the world that you kiss. And if you do, just stay away from me. No, I'm just kidding. I'm kidding.

All right, I'm kidding. But the point is, this is unusual to see guys doing this. And so it begs the question, and that is, how do you explain grown men acting like this?

Folks, the answer is real simple. It's not every day that you say goodbye to a friend like the Apostle Paul. That's why they're acting like this. You see, the Apostle Paul was not their mentor. They didn't regard him as their discipler.

They didn't primarily see him as a church planter or as a missionary or as the grand puba of the apostles. These people saw Paul as their friend. He was a friend who loved them so deeply and whom they loved back so deeply. He was a friend who was so devoted to them and they were so devoted back to him. That this idea that they were parting ways forever here on this earth, it broke their hearts. Verse 38, then they accompanied us to the ship, Luke writes, and after we had torn ourselves away from them. The Greek word literally here is used when you tear a piece of cloth in half or when you rip a door off the hinges. After we had torn ourselves away from them, Luke says, we put out to sea. And I think the reason Luke picked this word, a word of deep and strong emotion, is because Luke wanted us to understand the kind of emotional connection these men had with the Apostle Paul.

He was their friend. Now that's as far as we want to go in our passage, however, because it's time to ask our most important question. And you know what that is, so I want to hear all you guys down in overflow too. Ready, here we go, one, two, three. So what?

Yeah. You say, Lon, so what? Say, all right, I appreciate this, Paul was a friend, yada yada. Well, what difference does any of this make to how I live my life tomorrow morning when I walk out of my house?

Well, let's talk about that. You know, folks, I don't know if you've ever had a friend or two like the Apostle Paul in your life, but Brenda and I have been fortunate to have a few friends like this. And two of them, and you may know these people, two of them are named Gordon and Sue Langley.

They come here to this church. You know, years ago, I have a 12-year-old daughter who is severely mentally retarded, has severe disabilities, and 12 years ago when God sent her into our lives, it was without a doubt the deepest waters that Brenda and I ever went through, both individually or together. Jill had massive amounts of uncontrollable seizures. She would often stop breathing during those seizures. I would have to give her CPR waiting for the rescue squad to come. They'd take us to the hospital. We'd spend one, two, three nights in the ICU, she would, in the hospital. We'd sleep out in the lounge chair in the waiting room, switching off with one another so that somebody could go home and take a shower and get a little bit of sleep.

And it was at that point in our life that Gordon and Sue, we didn't really know them that well back then, they injected themselves into our life kind of like a Jewish mother, if you understand what I'm saying. They would come to the hospital. They would take their turn sleeping in the chair so we could go home and get some rest. They would go to the grocery store and shop for Brenda. They would run errands for us. They would pick our children up after school if our children needed to go somewhere and we were at the hospital with Jill. You know, my son Jamie was a student at the Naval Academy at that time, and on Sundays, if Jill was really doing horrible, Sunday afternoon, Gordy would get in his car and he would drive Jamie back to Annapolis for me because I couldn't go. We weren't getting much sleep back then. Jill was up having seizures all night. And we were depressed and we were discouraged and we were exhausted.

And we would often get a phone call and it would be Gordy and Sue saying, they would say, hey, we're on our way over. We're bringing dinner. And I didn't want them to come over. I didn't want to see anybody.

You know, when you're in the deep black hole, you don't want anybody coming to see you. And so we would go, no, no, no, that's okay. Please don't come over. And they'd say, too late. We're already in the car.

We're coming. And they'd come over. They'd get babysitters for us and force us to go out to dinner and go out to a movie and laugh.

You know, we weren't laughing a lot back then. And they would cry with us and they hurt with us and they grieved with us and they prayed with us. And I got to tell you on the human level, I don't know how we would ever made it through those years without Gordon and Sue. They're still two of our best friends to this day. But folks, if you have two, three or four friends like that in a lifetime, you're a blessed woman or a blessed man. And while I was going through all that and I was watching Gordy and Sue be our friends, you know, God really spoke to my heart.

You know what he said? He said, now, Lon, you know, it's great to have friends like this. But honestly, what I want you to think about is I want you to think about the fact I want you to be a friend like this. And I learned a lot about how to be a friend from watching how Gordy and Sue were friends to us. And, you know, all they did for us was be friends to us like the Apostle Paul was to these people.

If you're here and you're a follower today, I want to challenge you. God doesn't just want you to have friends like that. God wants you to be a friend like that to people.

And so let's talk about that. What are the marks of a true friend? Well, the best way I know to answer that question is to look at the example of the Apostle Paul. What was it that Paul did that caused these people on the sand down in Miletus to hug him and kiss him and hang on him because they loved him so much? What do you do to become a friend like that to somebody? Well, let's answer.

I got four suggestions. Number one, a true friend, number one, serves his friends unselfishly. This is the mark of a true friend. Their greatest desire is to serve you.

Nothing you need is ever too much for them to do. If you have a need, it is their true joy to meet your need. And this is precisely the kind of friend that the Apostle Paul was to people. Watch, he talks about the kind of friend he was in Ephesus. He says in Acts 20, you know how I lived the whole time I was with you in Ephesus. For three years, I ministered to you publicly and house to house with tears. I did not covet your silver or your gold.

Rather, these hands of mine supplied not only my own needs but the needs of all my companions. What's Paul saying? He said, look, my only goal when I was in Ephesus was to serve you and to do it unselfishly. Thessalonica, look how he had conducted himself there. He wrote the Thessalonians and said, we loved you so much that we were pleased to impart to you not only the gospel message but our own lives also because you had become so dear to us.

Surely you remember our toil and our hardship, how we work night and day so as not to be a financial burden to you. And to the Corinthians, Paul wrote and said, for we do not preach ourselves but we preach Jesus Christ as Lord. And who are we? Paul says, we present ourselves as your servants for Jesus' sake. See, folks, everywhere Paul went, this is how we treated people.

Paul only knew one way to be a friend and the way he was a friend is he served you with all of his heart unselfishly, with everything he had in him because he believed this is what true friends did. Now, sometimes when friends do this for us, you know what? They can serve us so unselfishly and they can serve us so devotedly that it actually makes you feel guilty. You actually start feeling like, my gosh, you know, look at all these persons doing for me. I need to do something back for them.

We felt that way with Gordy and Sue. In fact, I started trying to do stuff to repay them, you know, for all the things they were doing for us. And I'll never forget, one time Sue came up to me and said, what are you doing?

And I said, well, I'm trying to pay you back for all the stuff that you've done for us. And she said to me, Lon, we love you guys, nobody's keeping score. Wow, now that's a real friend, a true friend. They don't keep score, they just love you unselfishly.

They just serve you. Number two, a true friend, second mark of a true friend. A true friend tells you the truth even when you don't want to hear it. In Galatians chapter 4, Paul wrote the Galatians and said, have I now become your enemy because I told you the truth? The Galatian believers were being drawn away into theological error and Paul loved them enough to tell them the truth. It's pretty obvious they didn't like hearing the truth from what he says here. But Paul understood that a true friend is a person who will tell you the truth whether you want to hear it or not.

Even if it's not popular, they'll tell you the truth. You know, he did that same thing with Peter. Galatians chapter 2 tells the story. Paul writes and says when Peter came to Antioch, he would eat with the Gentile believers there. But when the Jewish believers from Jerusalem showed up, Peter began to separate himself from the Gentiles out of fear for the Jewish believers. Because of Peter's example, many other Jewish believers including Barnabas joined him in this hypocrisy. What did Paul do? Watch. Paul said, so I opposed Peter to his face in the presence of everyone, the whole church, because he was clearly in the wrong.

Wow. I tell you, I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall and watch that happen. Can you imagine the Apostle Paul standing nose to nose with the Apostle Peter and saying to him, you are a hypocrite, you are a fraud, this is so wrong what you were doing.

Man, I'd have loved to be there and see that. You say, me too. And you say, I'll bet something else on, I'll bet their relationship never recovered, I'll bet it was never the same again.

Oh, you're wrong. As a matter of fact, later in his life, Peter wrote in 2 Peter chapter 3 and referred to Paul as my beloved brother Paul. And you know why? Because Peter was smart enough to know when he had a true friend. Peter realized that a true friend is a person who loves you so much that they're willing to risk hurting you in the short run to tell you truth that'll keep you from getting hurt even worse in the long run.

Can I repeat that? A true friend in the short run will tell you something that hurts because they're really concerned you don't get hurt worse in the long run if they don't tell you. Now as I said, I've been blessed to have a few of these kind of friends in my life and one of them was the chairman of our board of elders for 10 years, a fellow named Click Smith. Click was a retired major general and as you know earlier this year went to be with the Lord. But we would meet usually once a week for breakfast, sometimes once every other week and we always met at the same place and that was at the Fairview Marriott for breakfast. And we would often be sitting there and we'd just be getting started and Click would say to me, right in the eyes and he'd say, now Lon, you know I love you. And when he would say that I'd say, uh-oh, here it comes man, batting down the hatches, I'm going to get it now.

He would say to me, Lon, you know I love you, but. And then he would proceed to tell me what he felt like I needed to know. Now many of the times what he would tell me hurt, friends. Many of the times, many of the times what he would tell me I did not want to hear but let me tell you something, I listened anyway and I took it to heart.

And you know why? Because I know Click was telling me the truth. This man really did love me. This man really was a true friend. And he was such a true friend that he was willing to tell me things nobody else was willing to tell me because he knew I needed to hear him. If you're here today and you're benefiting from McLean Bible Church the way it is today, if you're here today and the ministry of McLean Bible Church is helping your life, you need to understand that one of the reasons McLean Bible Church is where it is today is because of the many mistakes I never made because I had a friend like Click Smith telling me the truth at breakfast. You need to understand that.

The credit doesn't go to me on the human level, it goes to him. Saying, oh no you don't. Oh no you don't. Not at this church you don't. Not while I'm the chairman of this board at this church you don't. And you know what?

He was right. Friends this is what Proverbs 27 means when it says, faithful are the wounds of a friend. Sometimes to be a true friend that person's got to wound you.

But you know what? Those wounds are faithful. They love you.

And they're telling you something you need to hear. That's what a true friend does. Third.

A true friend third is loyal. You know these Ephesian church leaders had seen Paul display this right there in Ephesus in Acts 19. If you remember there was a huge mob that broke out. They started looking for Paul, they couldn't find him. So the Bible says, soon the whole city was in an uproar.

The mob seized Gaius and Aristarchus, his companions instead. And they dragged them into the theater. And when Paul wanted to go appear before the crowd, the disciples wouldn't let him. And when he insisted, some of the city officials who were friends of Paul even sent him a message begging him not to venture into that theater. Here's a picture of the theater in Ephesus. It's seated about 25,000 people when Paul was there. And Paul tried to run down into that theater. Now friends in that theater the scene was ugly.

It was a mob down there. Paul if he had gone into that theater his life would have been in serious jeopardy. You say, well then why in the world did he keep trying to go?

Very simple, his friends were there. And Paul understood that when you've got a friend in trouble, it doesn't matter if you're putting yourself in harm's way, you go to your friend's aid. Paul understood that a true friend doesn't talk about you when you're not around. A true friend doesn't sacrifice you in order to advance themselves. A true friend stands with you regardless of the cause. A true friend is willing to suffer personal loss rather than betray you or desert you. A true friend is loyal. And this isn't just true in the big things of life like mobs. It's even more true in the little things of life.

Sometimes the place where we can be most loyal to people is not in the big events but in the everyday affairs of life. You know years ago, he's still my friend today, but years ago my friend was here in Washington, his name is Dick Williams. And he ran Channel 20 television here in Washington.

And then he moved out to Seattle to run a station out there. And Dick was coming back into town, I hadn't seen him in a few months, and he called ahead of time and we decided we were going to play golf together. Well you know we are wonderful golfing companions because he is really good. And I love golfing with him because I love watching him. And I'm really bad.

So he always beats me. So we're a wonderful pair, really. And so we decided we were going to go out together. And as I was walking out of the house, no lie, going out the door to our tea time, the phone rang and it was a lady from CNN International. She had gotten the phone number here from my secretary and she called me home and said, we're doing a show tonight on whatever, some subject. And she said, we want you to be on the show. I said, well just out of curiosity, where is the show going to be broadcast? And she said, all over the world.

I said, really? She said, yeah. She said, but you got to be down here in the next hour.

We need you at the studio in Washington in the next hour. Well folks, I wouldn't have even had time to play nine holes of golf with my friend and make that. Now let me tell you what I would have done years before. I would have called up Dick and said, Dick, something came up at the last minute. I'm sorry.

And I would have rushed down to Washington to get my name in lights and have everybody know who Lon Solomon was. But you know, God teaches you things over the years, friends. And I realized you don't do that to your friends. And so I said to this lady on the phone, I said, I'm really sorry.

I can't do it. I have a previous engagement. And she said, why? She said, what kind of previous engagement could you possibly have that wouldn't be worth changing to go on worldwide television? I said, well, if you honestly must know, I'm playing golf with my friend who I haven't seen in a couple months.

And the phone was silent. And she said, you're playing golf? I said, no, I'm playing golf with my friend.

And I don't tank my friends to come be on CNN. And you know what? Let me just say, let me just say it was wonderful. We went and played. He shot great. I shot awful. It was perfect.

It was a great day. But, you know, I learned the hard way. This is what friends do. They're loyal to each other, even in the little things of life. This is what a true friend is all about. And you might say, well, Lon, I understand that, that friends are loyal.

But, you know, but you say, Lon, I got a question, though. I really need help with this. What if your friend has done something wrong? Like, what if your friend has done something really sinful? Or what if your friend has been convicted of, like, criminal activity or something? I mean, how do you remain loyal to a friend that has done something like that?

Because I'm not sure how to do that. I mean, what if you were Sam Waxel's friend from Imcloth? Or what if you were Andrew Fasto's friend from Enron?

Or what if you were Martha's friend? Like, how would you stay loyal to them in light of the fact they've been convicted in court of criminal activity? Where is loyalty and where is disloyalty when you got a person in that situation? Well, that's a great question, so let's answer it. When there's a person who's done something clearly sinful, clearly wrong in your office, in your school, in your family, in your neighborhood, what does loyalty mean?

Well, let me tell you. It means, number one, that we don't condone their behavior. It is not disloyal to say to your friend, what you did was wrong. That is not disloyal. Number two, we don't buy into their excuses. It is not disloyal to say to your friend, look, I don't want to hear all of your completely lame excuses.

You know what you did, what you did was wrong, now suck it up and accept responsibility for your actions. That is not disloyal. Loyalty means, third, that we do, however, stick with our friend. We're not afraid to be seen with them in public. We're not afraid to be identified with them. We're still their friend. And, finally, that we love them even as they face the consequences of what they did.

We walk with them through it. And we try to bring enough perspective even as they're going through those consequences so that they end up becoming better people, more godly people at the end of the whole process. That's what it means to be a friend to somebody who's clearly done something wrong. And that leads me to my fourth and final point, which is that true friends love people unconditionally. A true friend can see you at your lowest, ugliest point. A true friend, you can bleed all over them. You can unload your frustrations on them. You can hurt all over that person.

You can complain to them. You can expose your deepest weaknesses and vulnerabilities to them. And you know what? A true friend doesn't think any of the less of you. You don't have to perform a certain way for a true friend to love you. You don't have to meet any stipulations for a true friend to love you.

Friends, they just love you. And, you know, that's how the Apostle Paul was. I think of the Church of Corinth. You know, the Church of Corinth, when it comes to godly behavior, the Church of Corinth was a nuclear fallout zone. They were terrible. They had more problems than you could shake a stick at. They had schisms and jealousies and arrogance. They were taking one another to secular court. They had a man in the church who was sleeping with his stepmother and everybody knew it, and the church hadn't done a thing about it.

A disaster. And yet, even though the Apostle Paul rebuked their behavior, he never withdrew his love from those people. Listen to what he wrote and said to them. He said, My heart is open wide to you, O Corinthians. I'm not withholding affection from you because of the way you're behaving. You are in my heart to die together and to live together. I will very gladly spend for you everything I have and be expended for your soul. Now, this is a great friend. Even when you're at your worst, even when you do the ugliest stuff you can possibly imagine, you know what? They love you anyway. Now, it's important for me to tell you that I never had a friend like this until I was 21 years old.

That explains why I was such a disaster zone emotionally in such a mess with 21. Never had a friend like this. The first friend I ever had who met all four of these criteria we've talked about was Jesus Christ. When I invited him into my life at the age of 21, for the first time in my life, I had a true friend. And in the last 33 years, he's been the truest friend you could ever imagine. You know, that's why the Bible says that he's a friend that sticks closer than a brother. And I've gained a few human friends that are like this since in those 33 years.

Ah, but it all started with the Lord Jesus. He was my first real friend. And maybe you're here today and as I go through this list of four things, you look at it and you go, you know what? I don't have a single person in the whole world who qualifies as my friend based on that list.

Well, that's all right. I got great news for you. You can have a friend like that because when you open your heart and life up to Jesus Christ, you don't just get eternal life. You don't just get a place in heaven. Friends, you get the truest friend that the world can ever know. And if you need a friend like that, then I've got a piece of advice to you.

Open up your heart and ask Jesus to come in and you'll get one. So let's review. What have we learned today? Well, we've learned a true friend, number one, is a person who serves others, his friends unselfishly. Number two, a true friend tells her friends the truth even when they don't want to hear it. Number three, a true friend is loyal. Even when you mess up, they're still loyal to you. And number three, number four, rather, a true friend loves his friends unconditionally. And I've got two challenges.

Wait a minute. Two challenges as we close today that I want to give you kind of a so what. Here they are. Challenge number one is if you've got a friend or two like this, I want you to go home and get out a piece of paper. I want you to go home and get on the telephone. I want you to go home and send an email and say to that friend, you know what? I've got a brand new appreciation, new and fresh, for what a great blessing you are to have a friend like you. Because let me tell you something, a friend like this is a blessing to have somebody like this in your life.

And the second challenge I've got for you is to walk out of here asking yourself a question. And that is, is this the kind of friend I am to other people? If I were to go into your workplace and read off this list, these four characteristics of being a true friend, if I read this list off in your workplace, my question is, is there a single person in your workplace who would say, oh, yeah, that's Susie. Oh, yeah, that's Jimmy. If I went into your school and read this list or we went to your family or to your neighbors and we read this list, is there a single person anywhere who would think of you when they heard this list?

Folks, if there isn't, I think that's a problem. Because, you know, all Paul was doing in being a great friend is he was just copying Jesus. He was just imitating the kind of friend Jesus was. And if we're followers of Christ, this is the kind of friend God wants us to be to people. Not so we can pat ourselves on the back and say, aren't we wonderful people? But because this is how we build platforms to bring Jesus Christ to bear on people's lives.

So if nobody would think of your name, then the question I want you to ask is, all right, so what am I going to do about it? Am I going to ask the Holy Spirit to help me and am I going to change the way I relate to people? I hope so, because I want you, God wants you to be a true friend to others. Just the way the apostle Paul was a true friend to these men. When you have your funeral, we want it to be crowded. You understand what I'm saying?

We want it to be crowded, because there are people there who feel about you the way the apostle Paul had these guys feel about him. Let's pray together. Heavenly Father, thanks for talking to us today about friendship. And I pray that you would challenge every one of us here to take to heart what we've seen. Help us understand that all the apostle Paul was doing in being a true friend, he was just imitating you. And Lord, we pray that you would help us imitate Paul as he imitates you. Lord, I pray that you would change the way we live and change the way we relate to people around us, because of our time with the Word of God this morning. And we pray these things in Jesus' name, amen.