Nature of Marriage

Today on Renewing Your Mind… Marriage is not a gift where God says to His creation, here's a wonderful thing, do with it what you want. So, we look to the Scriptures to see the rules of the game, that God's authority is over that marriage. And a Christian who ignores the regulations that God sets down for marriage is a Christian who is acting in defiance against divine authority. In Ephesians chapter 5, the apostle Paul tells husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church.

That's not a suggestion. And think for a moment how Christ loved the church. Paul tells us that Christ gave Himself up for her. There is an unbreakable bond between Christ and His bride, the church.

And that's the way we are to look at marriage. Today on Renewing Your Mind, we have pulled a message from Dr. R.C. Sproul's archive.

It probably hasn't been heard since cassette tapes for the latest technology. We're sharing it with you today to shine a spotlight on a special group of Ligonier donors. We'll tell you more about that later in the program.

Right now, let's join R.C. as he explores God's intention for marriage. Any time that we find a covenant in Scripture, we find two or more parties entering into an agreement that involves promises. The essence of a covenant is commitment. And that commitment between the parties who are named and mentioned always carries with it stipulations. That is to say there's no such thing as a covenant without law, without stipulations, without responsibilities that are taken upon both parties. There is no such thing as a covenant without stipulations, without law. Now, when that covenant is contracted, the commitment is made, the stipulation set down. It is done publicly with witnesses. That's why you hear frequently from young people, what difference does signing a piece of paper make? What difference does saying a few words in about eight minutes to some marriage ceremonies take? How can that possibly make sexual relationships, for example, legal that were not legal beforehand?

Well, we're not just saying any kinds of words. We are making a public declaration of a covenant before public witnesses, before every authority structure that's significant to our lives, before the family, before the state, before the person with whom we are entering into this contractual relationship, before our friends, and before the church. And all of those witnesses have the responsibility of bearing witness to the fact that this commitment was made. There's a big difference between my making a promise to another person in front of witnesses that has legally binding ramifications and making a promise to a girl in the backseat of a car in a drive-in theater. If you look at the Scriptures, you will see that the covenant principle takes place again and again and again and again and again. And nowhere do we really have a private covenant, a private agreement. But biblically, the covenant structure is something that's done publicly with stipulations, and it is sealed by certain sanctions and vows.

I don't think there's any culture in the Western world today that is more lax in dealing with in dealing with vows than the American culture. I think if you would like to have an exercise in terror, I would suggest to you that you go to your concordance and look up the word oath, look up the word vow, start at the beginning of the Old Testament and read to the end of the New Testament and see how seriously, how earnestly God considers the taking of vows and the making of oaths. Remember, the essence of God is truthfulness, fidelity. The basic difference between God and man is that God is a covenant keeper, man is a covenant breaker. It is Satan who is given the title the father of lies, the one who deceives.

His basic posture is over against the truth. And truth to the Hebrew is not simply making accurate statements, but truth also includes the notion of keeping one's promises. How many times have you suffered in this life because somebody didn't keep a promise to you? Somebody didn't do what they said they were going to do.

They didn't carry out a statement or a task that they promised that they would carry out. Something has been lost in your own personal history when you've been a victim of that kind of broken promise. You've been disappointed.

You've been hurt. Perhaps the most clear example of the covenant relationship that we have is the relationship of marriage. And what I want to do is go through the standard marriage ceremony and call attention to the covenant dimensions of that marriage ceremony as we can see them giving us an insight as to what marriage is all about. The Presbyterian service starts like this. Dearly beloved, we are assembled here in the presence of God to join this man and this woman in holy marriage which is instituted of God, regulated by commandments, blessed by our Lord Jesus Christ and is to be held in honor among all men.

And that's the first statement. Dearly beloved, we are gathered here in the presence of God for what purpose? To join a man and a woman. And we're going to join them not in a social, political contract but in what the book calls the holy state of matrimony or holy marriage. Why do we call marriage holy? What does it mean to be holy? That is that it's consecrated.

It's set apart. There is something special about marriage. Something that transcends the common.

Something that transcends the ordinary and the normal processes of life. It's an occasion when people get married. If you go to a primitive tribe, you might find all kinds of wild primitive dancing and celebration where in another culture you may like go to Holland and find people riding around in white horses and their old ancient coach as they go back and forth from the wedding hall. Why do they do these things? Why do they do strange dances, go through unusual rituals or wear rented tuxedos? Why do human beings do that? Just because of tradition? That won't answer the question because we have to answer the question, why did that tradition start in the first place?

I think the root of it is found in the fact that we recognize intuitively, if we don't do it intellectually, that marriage is something different. It is holy. It is consecrated. It is set apart.

It's special. We see that marriage is instituted of God. That is that marriage does not develop as a result of some kind of arbitrary process of evolutionary development in the movement of civilization. Some have argued that marriage is merely an evolutionary cultural convention.

From a Christian perspective, we stand over against that analysis. We see marriage rooted and grounded in creation by God's commandments and His institution. Marriage came from God.

He's the one who begins it. He's the founder of marriage. He institutes it as a structure for human existence, and He instituted in creation with Adam and Eve.

The statement for these two shall become one flesh. Now, most people in the Christian church recognize that marriage is instituted of God and is not merely a convention of society, but a point that is so rarely acknowledged is the second point about God's involvement in marriage. Not only does God institute marriage, but He regulates it by His commandments.

Think about that. Marriage is not a gift where God says to His creation, here's a wonderful thing. Do with it what you want. I'll ordain marriage. I'll institute marriage. I'll put my blessing on your marriage. But after you get married, you work it out how you want to work it out, that you are free to do whatever you both agree upon doing in that marriage.

No. God regulates marriage. He doesn't just give it to us and tell us to be autonomous in how we work it out. So, we look to the Scriptures to see the rules of the game, to find out the commandments that govern marriage, that God's authority is over that marriage. And a Christian who ignores or violates the regulations that God sets down for marriage is a Christian who is acting in defiance against divine authority. When I enter into a marriage relationship, I am not simply obligated to the church.

I am not simply obligated to the state. I am now under a new covenant relationship with God. A whole new set of stipulations comes upon me by divine authority. Those regulations are few in Scripture.

Those regulations include, however, some very specific things. In the first place, the terms of marriage, who may marry whom, is regulated by God. There are prohibitions against marriages of consanguinity, that is, of marriages between brother and sister, mother and son, that sort of thing.

That's outlined. There are prohibitions in the Scripture against mixed marriages. What I mean by mixed marriages are mixtures of the believer and the unbeliever. The Christian is not allowed to marry a non-Christian. The reasons for that, I think, are governed by God's wisdom. You get two people together in the most intimate, personal relationship that we find in this world, where they are not sharing their same commitment to the highest sets of values that govern their lives.

You are involved in a relationship of conflict. And I think God knows what He's doing when He forbids the believer to marry the unbeliever. What about mixed marriages racially? There is nothing in Scripture, either explicitly or implicitly, that would forbid such intermarriage. There is much in Scripture that would suggest that it is indeed permissible by God's regulations. The mixed marriage about which the Bible speaks is the mixture of the believer and the unbeliever, not of the Asian and the European or the black and the white. Those kinds of strictures are not found in Scripture. Those are the traditions of men by which the Christian is not bound. There are other statements by which God regulates marriage.

Of course, His utter prohibition of sexual infidelity is clear. I don't think I need to go over that, that adultery is clearly prohibited under this divine regulation. And I might also say the terms of dissolving a marriage contract are regulated by God's commandments. If there is any dimension of divine regulation of marriage that is being repudiated in terms of open defiance, both by the state and by the church in our day, it's the terms of God's regulations for the ending of a marriage covenant. If Jesus is clear on any point, He is clear on His strong stance that He takes regarding divorce. All right, we go on and we read that not only is marriage instituted of God, regulated by His commandments, but it's blessed by our Lord Jesus Christ.

That is, the new covenant sanctions what was instituted in creation and repeated in the old covenant through the blessing of Christ. We go on to say, and it is to be held in honor among all men. That marriage is to be esteemed by the whole society. And we're living in a day right now, ladies and gentlemen, where marriage is not held in honor among all men, to say the least. If there's any place where the Christian community is called to bear witness to its culture, it's in our witness to the honorable character of marriage. This is not a negotiable value.

This is not a negotiable institution. But it is something to which we as corporate bodies of Christ, whether we're married or single, are committed to hold the institution of marriage in high esteem. And we then read that God has established and sanctified marriage for what purpose? For the welfare and happiness of mankind. Again, His law proceeds not only from His righteousness, but from His wisdom and His benevolence.

If we could just get that through our minds. See, when we try to get around the regulations of marriage that God sets down because we think they're too severe, or we think Jesus' view of divorce is too narrow, as His own disciples responded to His teaching of divorce, He said, whoever wants to get married, that's taking too great of a risk if I have to go into that kind of a commitment, that kind of an obligation. But it's the God of heaven and earth who gives these regulations. And He does it not to be a nasty dictator or despot, tyrannizing us by putting us in chains.

But His regulations pursued both from His wisdom and His benevolent desire for our welfare and our well-being. You see, that's the biggest problem we have of faith, of believing God in the Christian life. Every time we sin, we are saying, God, your life is going to be sin. We are saying, God, your law is bad because I can't be happy keeping it. If I keep your law, I will not be happy.

If I break your law, I will be happy. Think of the arrogance involved in such a judgment from a finite creature who knows nothing, ultimately, as to what will produce his own well-being. Whereas the Creator of man, who is infinitely more concerned about your well-being than you are, in His revelation tells you that if you obey, you will be fulfilled.

If I could communicate no other point to people in the church today, I would like to be able to communicate this. Disobedience cannot possibly produce happiness. It can produce pleasure, if there is a difference between pleasure and happiness. That's why we sin, because that's why sin is attractive. It is pleasurable. It gives us our thrills.

It's fun for a season. But if we look at the long-run effects and consequences, it cannot produce the depth dimension of what the Scriptures call happiness, and we all know it. All right, let's look finally then at the vows. The vows read, in this particular service like this, I, so and so, use R.C. and Vesta, I, O, R.C., take thee, Vesta, to be my wedded wife, and I do promise and covenant before God and these witnesses to be thy loving and faithful husband. That's the vow. I promise to be your loving and your faithful husband. I promise you that I'm going to be your husband. I'm going to do it in a loving way, in a way that manifests fidelity.

That means that from this day forward, sexual and romantic involvements with other women are ruled out. My affection is for you alone, because I promise and covenant before God and these witnesses to be your loving and faithful husband. Now again, so many times I see in the homemade marriage ceremonies beautiful and fantastic descriptions, eloquent expressions of the present state of love. Ladies and gentlemen, we're gathered here today to declare the world how much R.C.

loves Vesta and how much Vesta loves R.C. That's the new marriage ceremony. But there's a little difference between a present declaration of love and a future commitment. What this does is says, not only am I going to respond to you as a human being with love and fidelity, cherishness and tenderness, etc., today, but I'm committing myself to do that to you tomorrow and the day after tomorrow and the day after that. Under what kinds of circumstances?

Look at the vats. In plenty and in want, in joy and in sorrow, in sickness and in health, as long as we both shall live. I wonder why these particular life circumstances and situations are included in the vow, in plenty and in want.

What does that mean? Look, I'm ready to commit myself to you as a husband regardless of the financial circumstances we may ever find ourselves in. If we prosper, we prosper together. If we enter into poverty, we suffer that together. How many marriages have you seen when the couple gets together with all kinds of money, they don't have any kinds of stress, they've got it made, and then suddenly they lose everything? And now they have to live together in an enormously difficult stress situation that they never anticipated?

That's covered right here. In joy and in sorrow, it's easy to be affectionate, vital, spontaneous, and loving when everything's going your way. Then tragedy comes. The baby that you have that you planned for so long is born and it lives for six months, contracts the childhood disease, and dies. And your marriage experiences a shattering blow emotionally. How easy it is in the midst of that situation to begin to blame and press the other person for the unfortunate circumstances that you've encountered. The joy is no longer there, and now you're living in sorrow. Well, the man might say, maybe I can get consolation somewhere else from my secretary, or the woman seeks consolation from a friend down the street.

That's covered in the vial. In sickness and in health, two days ago I heard of a situation, people I know, where a woman was in a dreadful automobile accident several years ago. She survived barely, spent months and months and months and months in the hospital, was never able to really recover her faculties, and has been left almost a paraplegic.

Last week her husband filed for divorce and bailed out. Couldn't take it anymore. That's not what he had in mind when he got married. He didn't want to spend the rest of his life in the hospital. He didn't want to be married. That's not what he had in mind when he got married. He didn't want to spend 25, 30 years of his life, the best years of his life, taking care of a woman who was now an invalid.

And so he left her. But you see, that was covered in the vial, in sickness and in health. We can't assume whatever.

Sickness comes to every family, and it's covered. How long does the vial last? On a one-year trial basis, I'll do this until you're 40, then I'll trade you in for two 20-year-olds. Or after we have the seven-year itch, we can re-evaluate it and sign up a new contract if we can. As long as we both shall live.

As long as we both shall live. That's Dr. R.C. Sproul, speaking with biblical conviction and courage and boldness on the topic of marriage.

I'm joined here in the studio by my colleague, Chris Larson, who serves Ligonier as the president and CEO. And Chris, as we've listened to Dr. Sproul there from many, many years ago, we can't help but think of how he lived out what he taught in this message. Yeah, we saw it in his marriage with Vesta, and it was just beautiful to see. Their commitment to one another was really driven by their commitment to the Lord. And it was as they drew closer to the Lord that they drew closer to one another.

I even remember R.C. talking about how he really wanted to marry Vesta, and they had known each other from childhood, but he had become a Christian. She wasn't a Christian yet, and he was praying, Lord, bring her to yourself. And she did trust the Lord, and so they were able to be married.

And R.C. could then continue to carry out his ministry with his faithful bride with him all of his days. There was really not a time that they were apart. They were so committed to one another, to the principle of fidelity, but really it was because they understood the promises of God, and they understood their covenant vows with one another derived from our covenant-making and covenant-keeping God. And that really is how theology impacts all of life. A lot of folks ask us, so why should I support Ligonier Ministries? You know, you're teaching theology. What does that have to do with anything?

R.C. would be the first to say, it has everything to do with everything because right thinking precedes right living. How we interact with one another, how we interact with our spouses, the promises that we make to one another in marriage really derive from an understanding of who God is. And so right now, this week, we're trying to enlist more ministry partners to come alongside of this ministry to support us on a monthly basis. When you're joining with us, you're helping us to proclaim, teach, and defend the holiness of God in all its fullness. And that really is to say, to teach the whole character of God, who God is. Now, there is masses of people outside of the church who don't know who God is, but the reality is, and Dr. Sproul would say, is that there's a lot of people inside the church who don't know who God is. And so we're really trying to serve both audiences there to just lift up the character of God, because it has vast implications for how we live day in and day out. Nowhere else do we see this manifested more clearly than in the institution of marriage. And so, yeah, ministry partners are incredibly important to helping us to teach more people about who God is. And speaking of marriage, Chris, we would like for you, our listeners, to hear from a husband and wife in Tennessee. Jonathan and Christine have been ministry partners for many years. And you may wonder why someone would commit to giving on a monthly basis year after year. And I asked Jonathan and Christine about that.

Here's how they answered. We trust Ligonier. We believe in the mission. We believe in the teaching. We believe in the power of God and His Word to go forth and to change lives. And we want to support that. We believe Ligonier is a force of good in this world. And there's so much brokenness.

Yeah. And we live in such a vital time that the internet can be used for so much bad, but it can be used for so much good. And you have the resources to push out around the globe. So, you know, if everyone can watch the holiness of God, that's something I'll donate to. Oh, thank you so much, Jonathan and Christine. That is such an encouraging testimony. We're grateful for the vast army of supporters that link arms with Ligonier on a monthly basis. Lee, could you tell our listeners how they could become a ministry partner? This is a very special group of people. And if you'd like to join us in this ongoing mission, contact us today by phone at 800-435-4343, or you can simply go online to renewingyourmind.org. Again, that phone number is 800-435-4343. And in advance, I join Chris in thanking you for your continued support of this ministry. Renewing Your Mind is the listener-supported outreach of Ligonier Ministries. Thank you for joining us today, and we hope you'll make plans to be with us again tomorrow.