Those Vows Mean Something

There's good evidence in the Bible that marriage is designed more to develop character than to ensure a lifetime of bliss. When marriages break up, many have prenuptial agreements to divvy up the loot.

Few take seriously the covenants they enter into. Today, back to basics and why marriage, in God's eyes, is a lifetime deal, come what may. From Chicago, this is The Moody Church Hour, a weekly service of worship and teaching with Pastor Erwin Lutzer. Today, Pastor continues a four-part series on Till Death Do Us Part, Keys to Success in Marriage.

Later, he'll come with a frank talk on Why Those Vows Mean Something. Pastor Lutzer comes now to open today's service. Father, we do ask in the name of Jesus that you might make us one. We thank you today that your word tells us that both Jew and Gentile have been grafted into Christ. And we pray that as we exalt the name of Yeshua today, the name of Jesus, we pray, O Father, that you might bless us and transform our hearts as we listen to music and as we are informed about what your people are doing. But even more importantly, we pray that our worship and our sacrifice today may be acceptable in your sight because we come in the name of Jesus Christ our Lord.

Amen. creation by water and the world the man who gave and sold him to make his holy life gave his own blood before him and for the life he loved and let from every nation let one more holy heaven exalt her of salvation one Lord, one faithful Father a holy name she blesses, her faith a holy fruit and to a full she presses with every grace to do each our last revelation when to hold our family she rates the consternation of peace forevermore and with the vision glorious her loving eyes are blest and her patience victorious shall be the truth and the truth make us one Lord, make us one holy spirit, make us one let your love hold that the world may hold, may it hold me make us one, make us one holy spirit, make us one let your love hold so the world may hold me and hold me I'm so glad this morning to be able to introduce to you the liberated Wailing Wall some of us have been to Jerusalem and we've seen the actual Wailing Wall these are the liberated Wailing Wall heard them sing many many years ago when these present singers I'm sure were only children they've had a long history but they are a mobile evangelistic music team for Jews for Jesus that exists to make the messiahship of Jesus an unavoidable issue to the Jewish people worldwide I like that phrase, an unavoidable issue and so they tell people about Yeshua on college campuses, in malls, in subways, on the highways wherever they go we have to admire young people committed to Jesus Christ, committed to the gospel and are willing to make Christ an unavoidable issue in people's lives let's welcome the liberated Wailing Wall you are looking forward to the coming of the messiah, the return of the messiah amen well we are too of course and you know Isaiah had a lot to say about that day, that great day he said in Isaiah chapter 55 verse 12 that when that day came the trees of the field would clap their hands for joy well I don't know about you but I don't want to be outdone by a tree so this is a song that I think many of you know Isaiah 55 12 the trees of the field so join us and clap your hands you shall go out with joy and be led forth with peace the mountains and the hills will break forth before you there'll be shouts of joy and all the trees of the field will clap their hands and all the trees of the field will clap their hands the trees of the field will clap their hands the trees of the field will clap their hands while you go out with joy you shall go out with joy and be led forth with peace the mountains and the hills will break forth before you there'll be shouts of joy and all the trees of the field will clap will clap their hands and all the trees of the field will clap their hands while you go out with joy you shall go out with joy and be led forth with peace the mountains and the hills will break forth before you there'll be shouts of joy and all the trees of the field will clap their hands and all the trees of the field will clap their hands while you go out with joy and all the trees of the field will clap their hands and all the trees of the field will clap their hands Brethren, my heart's desire and prayer to God for Israel is that they might be saved, they might be saved Brethren, my heart's desire and prayer to God for Israel is that they might be saved, they might be saved I tell you the truth in Messiah, sorrow and grief fill my heart my people, my brethren are dying I could wish I were lost, that they might be found in me Brethren, my heart's desire and prayer to God for Israel is that they might be saved, they might be saved Searching for God in the Torah, doing the works of the law Striving in vain to be righteous, not knowing they need only to trust in Him One day He'll come out of Zion, the one who was pierced they will see Their hearts will turn to Messiah, their sins He'll forgive Righteous they'll live in Him Brethren, my heart's desire and prayer to God for Israel is that they might be saved, they might be saved Brethren, my heart's desire and prayer to God for Israel is that they might be saved, they might be, they might be saved Thank you very much, and that should be our desire as well. Would you join me briefly in prayer? Our Father, we come to you today and we're aware of our great needs. We worship you today in spirit and in truth. We worship you because we love you. We worship you because you redeemed us. We thank you today that you sent Yeshua to die for us. Thank you that he is the fulfillment of all the Old Testament prophecies. And we thank you that in him we have redemption.

Thank you for liberated Wailing Wall. Bless them, lead them, meet their needs. Lead them to people in whose hearts you are already working.

Because at the end of the day, it's your work and not ours. Our Father, I ask today in the name of Jesus that the message that will be given may be like an arrow into every one of our hearts. And especially those for whom it is intended, may they know it and grant them the grace to respond to it according to your will. We're needy, Lord, and we need your help. In Jesus' name. Amen.

Just look over my shoulder for a moment and let me read you this letter. We've been married for 20 years with small children. In the past few years we fell into debt.

We spent a great deal of time away from home making money. Now that we are doing better, my wife wants out of the marriage because she feels that I neglected her emotionally, which I have, because I was so focused on work. What troubles me is that she wants to put space between us. She wants to get out of the home to, quote, find herself. I'm afraid what this might mean because she's on the internet a lot of her time, with a man she dated before we were married. She's helping him with his issues. I'm afraid that the old relationship might be revived. She doesn't want to go for marriage counseling, and she's quite defensive about this in her decision to leave.

Change some of the details and it's a story that could be told a thousand times. A man leaves a marriage because he finds someone else because he is looking for a connection, and he's in a marriage that he doesn't enjoy. And wives, apparently, mothers, if you please, are leaving their marriages just as much as the men. A number of years ago we had a marriage counselor here by the name of J. Allen Peterson who wrote a book entitled The Myth of the Greener Grass. I'm not sure if that book is still in print, but if it is, it would be a good read. It's a good book to read, and I have borrowed his title for two messages that I'm preaching on The Myth of the Greener Grass. And the intention of the message is to discuss the issue of marriage, but in such a way that, believe me, it will apply to those of you who are single for sure.

But it most assuredly will apply to all of us who are married or who are thinking about being married. I'd like to begin today by giving you five myths that I think we believe. These are myths that I've come up with.

I'm sure that they exist elsewhere, but this is how I see it. Five myths that we believe that really is devastating our homes and our marriages as people walk out of relationships. First of all, my happiness is number one. My happiness is number one.

I'm miserable in this desert, a man told me, and now I've found an oasis, I've found another woman with whom I have this connection, and you are telling me to go back into the desert. My happiness is more important than faithfulness. By the way, let me simply say this, that according to God, faithfulness is more important than happiness. And if you happen to be happy while you're being faithful, so much the better, but can you imagine Jesus saying to himself, well, I'm interested in my happiness.

The Bible says that he did not please himself. Faithfulness is more important than my happiness. My happiness more important than God, my husband, and my precious children. My happiness, I need fulfillment.

It's a myth. Second, finding the right person will give me real fulfillment. Finding the right person will give me real fulfillment. Finally, I found somebody I can connect with. It's as if there was a piece of the puzzle that was missing and now I have found the missing piece. It's not sexual, we can just talk for hours and somehow he is tapping within me something that I never even knew existed. I need to think about this.

I need to leave the marriage to get my act together, which in reality usually is step number one for the divorce that is being contemplated. It's no wonder that we meet people that we can connect with, by the way. David Carter, who has written a couple of books and spends his life counseling couples and getting them back together after infidelity, said that the average marriage is like a person is on the world, on the earth, and when you look at the moon, you'll always see the same side of the moon. Sometimes you see part of it, sometimes you see all of it, but always the same side.

And there's a back part of the moon that we never see. In the very same way, there are many marriages that never tap into the other side of their partner. Here's a man who is very busy. He doesn't give his wife the time of day. She can't talk to him.

When she's talking, he's not listening anyway. And suddenly she meets a man who just adores her and who loves to listen and enjoys her accent and takes care of so many details. Finally, I have found the man of my dreams. I have found my soulmate, she says. Of course, after she divorces and remarries, she discovers something very, very bitter. If it is true that 40% of all marriages today end in divorce, it is also true that more than 60% of second marriages end in divorce.

And suddenly this wonderful connection turns ugly. You know the man who used to be here at The Moody Church 20 or 30 years ago, a long time ago, who told me, I'm leaving my wife because I'm in a desert and I found an oasis? He wrote me a 10-page letter years later. What a letter.

I still have it to this day. Detailing the fact that his oasis turned out not only to be worse than the desert, but it was actually a poisoned oasis. And many of these relationships that begin so well, when you get to know the person and now suddenly you're working through, they turn ugly and spiteful. But you can't see it at the moment because that person is meeting my needs in a way that my needs have never been met before. It's a myth. There's a third myth and that is I can still be a caring person even though I've got this thing going on on the side. Like a letter I read this week that occurred in a newspaper, I think it was, where a brother said that his brother confided in him that he was having an affair and saying, whatever you do, don't tell my wife because I just love my wife and children. How many lies can you talk yourself into? Received another letter some time ago from someone who said, you know, the guy I want to marry, he's a wonderful Christian, but he continues to keep in touch with other women and always talks about how beautiful they are and he knows that it hurts me, but he keeps doing it and tells me that he adores me alone. Oh, isn't that sweet?

Listen, if he adores you, he'd be glad to say no to those other women, I would think. It's a myth, but we love these myths, these lies. Another one is, I can manage the consequences. I can manage the consequences. God will forgive me, 1 John 1.9. Like some students who say you can, 1 John 1.9, you can one-nine it. God will forgive you. I remember talking to a pastor many, many years ago who left his wife for another woman and I'll never forget these words. He said to me, oh sure, I'm doing wrong, I'm sinning, but remember, even David got his Bathsheba. Yeah, that's true, David did get his Bathsheba. And along with it, he got grief for his family and grief for his whole kingdom.

Yes, God did forgive him because God is gracious, but I'll tell you, do you know how long the consequences of a broken marriage go on? Not just on earth, but the consequences have ripples for all eternity. You can manage it, God won't let you manage it. There are certain built-in consequences that are way beyond your control in the lives of your children, in the life of your wife, in the life of your husband, whatever, and those boomerang forever.

Wow. So, another one is, nothing will ever change. Nothing will ever change. David Carter says that many marriages are like windshield wipers. Everybody, each of the partners plays their dance, they never are really intimate, they're never really on the same page. They argue about the same things year after year after year, the same issues come up, they're never resolved, and everybody knows what the rules of the game are.

You stay on your side, you stay on your side, I push your buttons, you push my buttons, and like windshield wipers, they just keep going on and on and on and on, and he will never change, and she will never change. It's a myth. People have changed. If I have time today, when I get to the end of this message, I'm going to tell you about a couple that I had given all hope up for, and they changed.

God does change people. It costs something, though. It costs a sense of honesty and humility, and it's a price most people aren't willing to pay.

But because they don't pay it, they miss a tremendous blessing. That's why there are two parts to this message. Next time when I preach on the topic, I'm going to talk about the rewards people miss because they don't work through a difficult marriage. If you're in a difficult marriage today, God has rewards for you that you are going to miss if you bail out. That's why it's absolutely necessary that you be here next time to hear part number two of this very brief series of messages.

Now you say, well, Pastor Lutzer, what are you going to speak on today? I'm going to speak about the common termites that destroy marriages, and we're going to be turning to the Word of God to see this. You know, whenever you hear of a tire that blew out, you say, well, you know, the tire just blew out.

Well, the experts will tell us that there have been cracks in that tire for years, and then suddenly there was a blowout. When a wife leaves a marriage, when a husband leaves a marriage, there have already been a series of sins that have been committed and a series of sins that have been justified before it gets to that point. So we're going to talk about those termites today, those sins that lead to the dissolution of a marriage. You say, well, aren't there times when somebody should divorce? Well, you know, one could say that there are times when divorce is allowed.

One could even say that perhaps sometimes in extreme cases it's a necessity. But there are two things that should never be done prematurely. One is embalming, and the other is to get a divorce.

All right? Now, what I want you to do today is to take your Bibles and turn to the fifth chapter of the book of Ephesians, Ephesians chapter 5, where we have some words from the Apostle Paul. Ephesians chapter 5, like everything else, there are answers in God's Word.

Ephesians chapter 5, the Apostle Paul says, therefore be imitators of God as beloved children. First of all, number one, we should live a life of love. Write that down.

Live a life of love. That's what we should do. And you say, well, how do we do that? We should be imitators of God.

Menates. What does that sound like, the Greek word? It is really from which we get the word mimic. We should mimic God. Godliness is to mimic God. It's to be like him in those attributes of his that are communicable, as theologians tell us. Now, we should imitate God. And how do we do that? As beloved children and walk in love. You say, well, how do you walk in love?

Two things. First, notice it says, therefore be imitators of God, that therefore is therefore there for a purpose. You look back and it says in the previous chapter, verse 30, do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you along with all malice. Be kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake forgave you.

Notice, if you want to be like God, it says, therefore be imitators of God. You have to learn the lesson, first of all, of undeserved forgiveness. Undeserved forgiveness. About two weeks ago, Rebecca and I were in the airport in Minneapolis. We had flown to Canada to visit my parents and we were sitting there at the gate, the terminal lounge there, and we were eating together and a woman came and she never sat beside us, but she kind of sat opposite us. In fact, I don't know if she was even sitting on a seat.

She may have been sitting on a radiator along the window. She looked at us and she said, I can tell the two of you have been married for a long time. I said, well, that's interesting.

What makes you say that? And she said, because I can see that your wife knew exactly what you needed and the way in which the two of you are relating. And we said, yeah, you know, it's 39 years and after 39 comes 40 and we've been around a while.

And so we began to talk. And she said, you know, I'm older and I'm getting married the first time and I'm marrying someone for the first time. And she said, what advice do you give me for a happy marriage?

You know, I'm so glad that when I married, I married up because I wouldn't know exactly how to answer that. Quick as a whistle, Rebecca said, learn the art of forgiveness. And I thought, well, thank you very much, Rebecca. That's really a wonderful word of advice and you ought to thank me for giving you the opportunity of implementing that so many times in our relationship. But you know, she was right.

If you want to be like God, you have to learn the lesson of forgiveness. Could I add something to this story? Unbelievable.

These are just strokes of divine providence. We talked to that woman and we discovered that she and her husband-to-be, though they've never attended Moody Church, attended our premarital counseling here at The Moody Church and absolutely loved it and praised it and talked about Pastor Bill Burchie, who did such a good job of leading it. And I thought, what do you know?

And when she recognized my voice, she gave me a hug and she said, I just can't believe this. And when we got on the plane, she said she'd already phoned her husband-to-be to tell him about the experience. Why do we have premarital counseling here at The Moody Church? Because we as a staff know something.

And what we know is that many divorces already are in process before the wedding. We can see it. Have I ever told you this story? You know, when you've been around as long as I have, you've got stories and I'll tell you one.

Twenty years ago here at The Moody Church, a woman comes to me, an Asian woman. This is Wednesday and she's to get married Saturday and she begins to tell me about her husband-to-be, that he's cruel and she talks about this. And I look at her with a smile and I said, guess what? You're not marrying him. She said, what do you mean? I said, I'm ending the wedding right here. I said, it's all over. And I called the person who was going to marry. It was not a pastoral staff member. It was someone else in the community, a religious leader. And I said, you know what?

This is happening. He said, on the basis of your word, I won't do it. So I told her, I said, and she said, I already have gifts and people have come.

She said, in my culture, there's so much shame. I said, you know, that's okay. I said, here's what you tell them. You say this is all Pastor Lutzer's fault. I said, just blame me. Let me take the rap for this.

But you know what? You're not marrying this guy. Two or three weeks later, she met me in the lobby. She came to me with outstretched arms and said, Pastor Lutzer, how will you ever, how will I ever thank you enough for ending that marriage? She said, I knew it was going to be bad, but I didn't have the strength to say no. And ever since that time, I've told our staff that we have the responsibility of performing weddings and we also have the responsibility of stopping them when we can foresee that it's bad news. That's not the only wedding that we've stopped here, so just be warned. Listen, the divorce is already evident, and if you're sleeping together, that's a whole other thing. Now, the sexual relationship becomes the predominant thing. All of the other issues about the personality of the person, you've stopped growing, you've stopped understanding, and that's why it is, for many other reasons, that you're headed for a lot of trouble. When will we know that God's way is best?

It really is. So first of all, we have to learn to forgive, and secondly, we need to learn to love, and I'll talk about this more clearly in the next message, and so we have to skip it for lack of time, except to say, how did Christ love us? What if Jesus said, you know, I come to this earth and they reject me, and I, my needs are unfulfilled. Gethsemane, what about my needs? The cross, what about my needs?

Where do I fit into this? No, the Bible says here very clearly that we are to love as Christ loved, and marriage gives you a wonderful opportunity to die to yourself and to love someone else selflessly, and that's the lesson that you and I resist with everything that is within us. So first of all, what we need to do is to live a life of love. Secondly, we need to live a life of purity. Notice what he says, verse 3, but sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness must not even be named among you as is proper among saints.

Let there be no filthiness or foolish talk or crude joking, which are out of place, but instead, let there be thanksgiving. Now, the reason this is important and the reason that Paul puts it here is very clear. True love is entirely different than the perversion of love that comes to us from the world. The world uses the word love repeatedly, and it's the most misunderstood word you could possibly have, because today, love is immorality. People get married today, and they don't marry a person. They marry a body, and when the body begins to deteriorate, as it does, it ends the relationship because everything is based on sexuality. And by the way, these crazy reality shows that you can somehow meet somebody, and just there, you can tell whether or not they are right for you, and they have a connection for you. And this type of stuff is being funneled into our young people today.

No wonder they don't have a clue whether they're making a good choice when they get married, and that's why we as a staff have to help them along the way. It is a very confused world. Now, notice Satan mimics God and says, this is love. Paul says, let us put aside, he says, immorality, and let us live, he says, with purity. You'll notice that the word immorality is porneia, from which we get the word pornography. Impurity, anything that is unclean and filthy, anything that is unclean.

It's been used about 11 times. The word is used in the New Testament, and Jesus once uses it to refer to dead men's bones, impurity. Received a letter this past week from concerned parents. What they're concerned about is their daughter is dating a young Christian man who confessed to their daughter that sometimes he's been attending gentlemen's clubs, and you know what goes on there. And the question is, we want to extend grace, but also, what are the risk factors? I mean, these are difficult issues. But I would say that something like that, that's a good example of dead men's bones. And you can put there pornography, you can put the internet, if that's what you do.

In the internet, you can put many television programs, many, many movies, and all impurity. Paul just really lays it out there. He doesn't even have an exception clause. I mean, how can you say this? This is the word of God. But sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness. Why covetousness? Isn't that where it all begins? Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife.

That's what happens at the water cooler at work. That's what makes the man leave his wife and his children because he's found this other connection. That's what makes a wife leave her husband and think that she can do this and take their children because of covetousness. They've coveted the world. The novels that she has read have put into her mind the idea, to quote the words of one woman who fell into immorality, that there was a whole world out there that was unexplored that I had never had the opportunity to participate in.

And my curiosity made me wonder what it would be like. There you go. Pornography tells men that you aren't really satisfied with your wife who doesn't look as good as so and so looks. And so what you have is all of this dissatisfaction that is created. And the Bible says covetousness. And in verse 5, Paul says covetousness is idolatry. It's idolatry because what you're saying is that I need this more than I need God, more than I need God's will, more than I need to please God.

I need somebody else's wife or somebody else's girlfriend, somebody who doesn't belong to me. And God says that's idolatry. That's putting me above all of your needs, God says. And so that's why the Apostle Paul says that what we need is to live a pure life. And then he includes, he says, filthiness, coarse jesting, vulgarities.

That's the idea. Laughing at dirty jokes, innuendos. And then he says live a life of honor, live a life of honor. And I don't know how to soften these words, so I'm not going to. I'm just going to give it to you the way in which God inspired that it be written and let the spirit of God do the rest. Notice what it says in verse 5. For you may be sure of this, that everyone who is sexually immoral or impure or who is covetous, that is idolatry, has no inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God. There it is, folks.

You think it's not serious to walk away from your marriage because you found someone else who fulfills you and arises within you needs and desires that you didn't even know you had? Well, do I have to read this again? If you're a Christian, you're to be part of another kingdom. For you may be sure of this, that everyone who is sexually immoral or impure, hey, by the way, did you notice in verse 5 it says you may be sure of this? Somebody here today says, you know, there's very little that you can be sure about in life. All right, I grant. But here's one thing you can be. Paul wrote that because he knows that we love to be deceived in this area.

We want to believe these lies so badly that in order to get our attention, he says, be sure about this. Everyone who is sexually immoral or impure or covetous, that is an idolater, you know, you just need to be coveting. You have no inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God. You say, well, can't a Christian commit these sins? Yes, of course, a Christian commit these sins. But a true Christian will always fight against them. A true Christian will never be content with immorality, with pornography.

He may hate what he is doing. He may find that these powers have a hold of him, but he will therefore struggle with them. But he will fight against them because he knows that this impurity, this impurity mitigates against the blessed Holy Spirit of God who is holy, who has taken up residence in our hearts and in our bodies. Do you not know, Paul says, that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit?

How can the temple of the Holy Spirit be within you? And you're content with sexual immorality of all kinds, whether heterosexual or homosexual or impurity or covetousness that is idolatry. And the Bible says you have no inheritance.

If you live that way contentedly, you almost certainly are not a Christian. Now, notice he says, also live with discernment. I mean, Paul is just giving it to us here with a sense of clarity that is overwhelming. You'll notice he says that, verse 6, let no one deceive you with empty words. For because of these things, the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience. Live with discernment. Why are we so easily deceived with empty words? It's because we want to be.

This message is as countercultural as you could possibly get. What do you mean, impurity? That's where I have my sense of pleasure. And now you're telling me that I can't? Notice it says, don't be deceived with empty words. There are tons of empty words out there.

Why does Paul say that? In my brief pastoral experience, from time to time, I've talked to those who are involved in sexual immorality and those who are walking away from their marriages in order to, quote, find themselves. And one of the things that I've discovered is that they are not thinking clearly at all. It's almost as if they are in a trance. They're in another world.

Have you ever noticed this? You try to talk sense to them, and you say to the woman, what about your children? Or you talk to the man and say, what about your kids? And you might as well be talking to some stones in a graveyard. He can't hear you because he's in this state of euphoria. What do you mean? I'll handle it. I remember calling a man at the instigation of his wife over the phone because he was involved with someone else, and he was saying to me, you know, what do you mean?

It was just as if, you know, well, connect, OK? Look at what you're doing to your wife. Look at what you're doing to those precious children God has given you. Think of the implications of this as it goes on in this life all the way to eternity. Think about it, and then realize what it is that you're going to do. But he can't get it. Why?

He's in a state of euphoria. You know the letter that I began with about the man who said that his wife is on the internet with a former lover and now she wants to leave and they have kids and all? There's no way that he is going to convince her to do otherwise. Because of all the water that's been under the bridge, he probably has forfeited any authority that he has over her. Somebody else is going to have to do it, though, and that's what I recommend.

Somebody has to bring these people down. It's almost like an alcoholic who doesn't get the message until he wakes up someday in his own squalor and begins to realize I need to change. When it comes to immorality, it is almost impossible for us to see with clarity because we are so desirous to be self-deceived. You say, well, Pastor Lutzer, I hear what you're saying, but I just can't go back. I can't go back because I've invested so much in this divorce that I'm contemplating. Well, I understand it may cost you something to go back, but it'll cost you a whole lot more, almost certainly, if you keep moving ahead. Sin is so costly.

It's the most expensive thing in the universe. You know, you think about this. I know a man who was in Christian ministry and he left his wife of 30-some years to find his dream and he had found his dream and three months after they were married, he actually dropped dead. You know, I've often thought about that. It's been a sermon to me. I thought, you know, if he had known that he had only three months to live, he might have stuck out in unfulfilled marriage knowing that he was going to have to explain all this to Jesus someday very shortly. I think he'd have said, you know, life is tough, but I can take it for another three months.

You never know how much you have. I often wonder, too, you know, at the wake as he is there, who's at the head of the casket greeting the mourners? The wife with whom he had lived for 30 years with whom they had children or the new wife?

Very interesting. Oh, what a web we weave when once we practice to deceive. Now you say, well, Pastor Lutzer, my husband can't change. All right, now before you say that, my wife and I met a couple that we got to know through my speaking engagements and we've kept in touch with them. She's a wonderful woman who came through some difficult situations with her dad, you know, and there's been abuse. And you take all of that, all that whole cartload that she's working through, like many of you having to work through this kind of a past, but a real genuine heart for God. On the part of her husband, if I could describe him, he just didn't get it. Do those words mean anything to you? Have you ever met somebody like that who just doesn't get it?

That's the way I describe him. And then, you know, if you're in this marriage relationship and you, without your wife's knowledge, go and take all of your retirement account and you lay all that money out because you've come across a scheme that's going to earn you a lot of money on the internet and you blow it all, it's tough to explain. It's even tough to explain if you told her you were going to do it. It's a little tougher when she finds out later that your retirement is gone. I mean, we're talking water under the bridge here. So anyway, about six weeks ago, I get this email. About 10 months ago after a counseling session, I simply asked our counselor in front of Bill.

That isn't his real name. But these folks live out of state anyway. They've never been to Moody Church.

You wouldn't have a clue who they are. And they wouldn't mind if you did at this point. To get me out of this marriage, I have a deep relationship with Christ, a loving relationship with my sons and daughter-in-law. Just please help me to live in peace so that I don't have to live with this man who's been so cruel to me.

All right. Bill left the meeting agreeing that he was ready to be free also. About an hour down the road, he said the Lord almost spoke audibly to him and started bringing to his mind all that he had in a wife. He said it was so overwhelming that he had to pull to the side of the road because he couldn't stop the tears from flowing. That took place last July. We spent about four months completely isolated from each other.

I still didn't believe a word he said. But I began to see changes. In fact, our counselor city saw changes too.

After eight months of being very, very cautious, we decided to have a private ceremony with our sons and daughter-in-law to reunite our counselors and ordained ministers. So he performed the event. He is a different man.

90% of everything that comes out of his mouth is completely different. He's humble but confident for the first time in our lives. He has moved to tears often.

And remember, this is the man who never cried. He thanks me over and over again for giving him a second chance. I just returned the compliment with, I'm so thankful you chose us.

Because when you choose the wife, you choose the kids you understand and the grandchildren. We can laugh, talk constantly, pray spontaneously, and spend as much time together as possible. Thank you for your prayers and for speaking truth to me. At any rate, I emailed her back a couple of weeks later and said, you know, this is so wonderful.

Is it still happening? And she said, absolutely. She said she never knew that she and her husband could have a marriage like this.

You never know what God will do. But I'll tell you what the price is. The price is honesty. And when there are things in your life that you're hiding from your spouse, when there are issues that are huge, would you go to a counselor?

That's not a confession of need. It's just that there's so much water under the bridge in terms of relationships that people don't even know where to begin. And you can't look at anything objectively anymore. There's just too much pain, too much hurt, too many tries and failure.

Go for help. But it's going to take a sense of honesty. And what you're going to have is the other side of the moon illustration that I gave you.

That's going to have to come into the picture until you have a better understanding of who it is that you married, what her needs are, what his need is. And that's what we're going to talk about also next time in the message. And you begin there and begin to let God do what only God can do. The Bible does say that through Jesus Christ, our Lord, we have forgiveness with God, thankfully. And by the way, if you're here and you've never trusted Christ as Savior, this would be a good opportunity for you to do it. If you have a sense of sin because of what I've preached on and you know that you need a Savior, Jesus is the place to go, the one to go to.

He's the go-to man. But if you're here as a believer and all of this stuff is in your life and your marriage is in trouble, get on your knees and stay there until God shows you the way. And if honesty can prevail on both sides of the equation, God can heal a very difficult, meaningless marriage. And if you agree, can we pray? Father, I want to ask in the name of Jesus for those who are here today, for those who are listening by way of internet, radio. I pray today, Father, that wherever this seed has fallen, that you'll give men and women the grace and the strength to respond. Grant that to them, Father God, because our needs are great. Save the marriages of Moody Church. Save the marriages of all who have listened and beyond. Help us, Lord, because we are so weak and we're so prone to deception.

Bring us to reality. Now, before I close this prayer, what is it that you need to say to God today? If you were to say, God, what do I do about my situation, what would God say? And whatever he says to you, tell him you're going to do it. Oh, Father, please help us.

Please help us, because we are so needy. God, come to us in Jesus' name. Amen. On today's Moody Church Hour, Pastor Erwin Lutzer spoke about why those vows mean something, the second of four parts in a series, on Till Death Do Us Part.

At first, young couples see romance as the major component of being satisfied together. Next time, join us to find out why the goal is holiness, not happiness. You may know someone who could benefit from this life-changing series of messages. Till Death Do Us Part can be yours on CD for a gift of any amount to The Moody Church Hour. Call 1-800-215-5001. Let us know you'd like to support Moody Church's ministry. Call 1-800-215-5001 or you can write to us at Moody Church Media, 1635 North LaSalle Boulevard, Chicago, Illinois, 60614. Online, go to moodyoffer.com. That's moodyoffer.com. Join us next time for another Moody Church Hour with Pastor Erwin Lutzer and the Congregation of Historic Moody Church in Chicago. This broadcast is a ministry of The Moody Church.