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Lies in Our Culture About Marriage and Relationships

Moments of Hope / David Chadwick
The Truth Network Radio
August 10, 2022 5:30 am

Lies in Our Culture About Marriage and Relationships

Moments of Hope / David Chadwick

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August 10, 2022 5:30 am

On this weeks Hopecast, David Chadwick discusses 5 big lies/myths that our current culture tells us about dating, relationships and marriage. 

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One week and welcome to this week's cast. My friend Jim Houston will join us again next week. Today I want to talk to you about the lies that I hear about and see our culture regarding dating relationships and marriage without further to let me jump in and give you what I see as five distinct lies that are in our culture regarding dating relationships and marriage. Here's the first one I must be in a relationship of singles say this feel this all the time.

I must be in a relationship on social media. It says in your social media account to check one or the other single or in a relationship. So many people want to put in a relationship just because that makes you feel like you're more acceptable in our culture.

May I address that live from a biblical and faith and values perspective. First of all Paul made it very clear in first Corinthians 7.

There is great value in being single.

Being single is not your identity, your identity is in Jesus. And if you're single at this moment you're single because Jesus wants you to be single at this moment if you were to be married, you would be married at this moment. So in first Corinthians 7 Paul makes it very clear that there is great value in being single, not the least of which is that you have more time to serve the Lord and advance the kingdom of God. Those of us who are married and have children know the enormous responsibility we feel toward caring for another person, and especially those children whom God may give us in our marriage. They take absolute priority for us and they demand a great deal of time if you don't have that responsibility in your life you have more time that you can give to the Lord, serve the poor. Share your faith advance the kingdom of God. That is just a reality that is before us. More over, let me remind you that Paul himself was single and he wrote those words from his own perspective, knowing that he had more time to advance the gospel to spread the love of Jesus throughout the world and let me remind all of us that we would not have our Christian faith as we have it in the Western world unless pole single unless it had the time to plant churches all over the Roman empire, and indeed write all of those Pauline letters that we have in the New Testament that we go to time and time again to understand right Christian orthodoxy and write Christian or the proxy how to live out our faith. But here something else to consider Jesus was single Jesus was a virgin. Jesus was not in an intimate relationship with a woman he died single. He died a virgin and today folks. Jesus in eternity as the ruler of all of the universe is still a virgin and he still single and he's doing just fine. You can do just fine by not being in a relationship. Let me give you this life tip that I know is true after 40+ years in pastoral ministry dealing with people who want to be in a relationship have gotten into relationship and that relationship has ended poorly and even painfully. Here is my life tip it's better to be alone than to be with a loser, may I say that again it's better to be alone than to be with a loser. That's the first lie of our culture you need to address as a follower of Jesus. I must be in a relationship you don't if you're not God can still use you mightily for his glory and his kingdom's advancement. Here's the second one. I need to marry my soulmate. Are you aware where the whole idea of soulmate came from it's from Greek mythology. Other evidently word to people who were joined together at their rear ends and they had an androgynous part of their genitalia which caused them to be together. The gods were threatened by their power so they were separated and they kept trying to come back together to have their power and sues the one who caused the separation to occur would never allow that to happen. So the whole idea of finding my soulmate is not Christian it's not biblical. It's from Greek mythology. Now here's what I would say to you who are Christ followers you need to develop a relationship with someone who becomes your best friend. One of the ways of saying I love you.

In the Greek language is the word filet. It comes from the Greek word which means best friend affection. The city Philadelphia comes from the two Greek words filet which means brotherly and then Adolfo's love Philadelphia the city of brotherly love. Adolphus means brother filet means best friend kind of love.

So when you fall in love with someone make that person your best friend Eve came from Adam's side. The rest of their lives they were to come back together in marriage as one flesh, and the beauty of that one flesh relationship is often found in being each other's best friends and I've said this repeatedly as well. You can leave your spouse, you can't leave your best friend the whole idea of a soulmate, though, is Greek mythology, the idea of becoming each other's best friend in a oneness relationship that God intended in marriage is very, very biblical. Here is 1/3 lie of our culture attending church doesn't make my marriage better. Nothing could be farther from the truth. What's happening today is couples want a destination wedding and then nothing to do with the church.

I think you need to do a wedding in the church, surrounded by godly people from the church who will help make your marriage better in the years to come.

You should have marriage mentors. Older people who made marriage work in your church experience who help model for you and teach to you what it takes to have a godly good marriage where divorce is seldom an rare and what's interesting is Brad Wilcox who is a professor at the University of Virginia and he's the one who came up with what's called the success sequence. He's the one who taught that if a man will just graduate from high school, then get a job then get married, then have children in that sequence.

The children of that family relationship have a 90+ percent chance of escaping poverty and having upward mobility. It's just a truth. One of the crises in our culture is not the patriarchy as those in the wall, woke culture, say one of the crises in our culture is yes.

The patriarchy where there aren't fathers in homes loving their wives and raising children for the glory of God and Brad Wilcox who is the one who teaches the success sequence which basically is a model of Genesis 1 and two were God created Adam and Eve gave them a place were to live the garden of Eden gave them work to do. Then they married. Then they had sex.

Then they had children that was God's original design. In Genesis 1 and two. That's exactly what Wilcox has discovered with the success sequence but he goes on to say that couples that are deeply involved in a church in a body of Christ. There is first of all a 30 to 50% chance of a less likely divorce occurring in their lives.

There's also greater satisfaction. There is greater trust and we know that that's the case because of the evidence that Brad Wilcox has brought to us.

So when you are in a church environment and you are seeing other marriages work, and then those marriages are giving you hints on how to make your marriage better. You can expect greater satisfaction in your marriage and a longer term marriage, which leads to the fourth lie of our culture. Christians have the same divorce rate as other secularists in our culture folks that is from Satan, who is the father of lies.

It's just not true. Here's what Wilcox and others have discovered and in some of these institutions that have done this study are some of the most liberal and woke places you can possibly imagine. But where couples pray together worship together serve together and develop a spiritual life together. They have not only the greatest of all satisfactions in marriage, but the divorce rate is one out of over 1000. I think what that says is exactly what the Bible says that were to become one Jesus said what God has joined together, no person can ever separate when a couple is enjoined spiritually in their souls in the deepest part of who they are when there is that spiritual enjoining of their lives together. There is no flesh and blood person who can ever tear apart what God has joined together, here's the truth from this life, the highest divorce rate in the world is among people who are married to someone from a different faith perspective that's what Paul meant in second Corinthians chapter 6 verse four. Do not be unequally yoked. That is primarily talking about marriage. Now it has business implications.

For example, you should probably not enter into business enterprises with people who don't share your love for Jesus and your Judeo-Christian principles you'll be pulling against one another, but the whole idea being equally yoked implies two oxen walking in the same direction lockstep with one another.

It doesn't work if one oxen was to go to the left and the other oxen wants to go to the right. You need to be equally yoked in marriage. So the highest marriage satisfaction is found between people who have the same religious conviction. Again the lowest satisfaction and also the highest abuse is among couples where one loves God and one doesn't love God or they have two different religious perspectives when both are practicing Christians.

There's great success in marriage. Here's line number five.

It's better to marry later in life. Listen folks, here's the truth it's not how old you are, that makes your marriage successful. It's how prepared you are for marriage. That makes the difference.

The average man is in his early 30s in American life. When he marries the average woman is in her late 20s when she marries personally, I think it's great when kids come out of college and they find their spouse and they get married and they begin their lives together. They have some time to develop their oneness of life, body, soul and spirit, and then to begin to have children during those childbearing years when it's a bit easier to have them. Just remember, dear friends, one out of four couples have infertility problems in America. Some of that is associated by waiting so long to get married. Your fertility years allow those children to come and believe me from my wife and myself. Those three that we have have only made our lives's a warning for all of you the highest divorce rate in American life is among those or living together. Those who move in with one another unmarried who sleep together have that physical union together without the covenant commitment of stability that says I'm with you forever, till death do us part. Today, more than 70% of all couples sleep together cohabitate live together before marriage that's been going on since the 1980s. As more and more of a norm in our culture people say will I need to try it out. I need to make sure going have a great sex life together.

I need to make sure that we are compatible folks.

Marriage is not like test driving a car that's not what you do. There are other ways to answer those questions that you are asking about compatibility with that person will talk about that as we, in today's hope cast but here's the bottom line. Do it God's way. There is a firm foundation upon which God wants you to build your marriage upon the rock. And when you build it upon Jesus himself, when the winds come when the storms blow and every marriage has the my wife and I been married for over 40 years. We could tell you of countless numbers of storms and winds that have blown and come upon our marriage but our marriage still stands. Why because it's built upon the rock. There are blessings of obedience when you do things God's way in Deuteronomy 28 and 29 God said to the Israelites do it my way and I will bless you all.

Bring in the crops during the harvest. There will not be infertility do it my way. But when they didn't do it God's way. God warned them he will be the curses that come upon you and if you know your biblical history. The Israelites chose to do it their way and disobeyed God's commands and ultimately ended up in captivity for 70 years as God prophesied.

So here are some ideas that I would give you today, to keep your marriage strong to come against these lies in our culture. First of all, do intentional dating go out with people you enjoy going out with sometimes in groups perhaps just one on one and when you're dating make it an exclusive and overt and nonsexual relationship follow my dad's rules. If you will. He said that when dating nothing below the neck, nothing lying down.

That will pretty much insure your relationship from going sexual say I'm just good that you for this season. I want to get to know you do so publicly, nothing sexual marriage is not my desire right now I just want to get to know you to find out if there is compatibility. You don't have to live together to find that out do premarital counseling get with somebody who can really help you know if you know one another well and if you are ready for marriage engagement. It's important where you look forward to that covenant moment when you make eternal commitments to the other person then have sex and if you will do it in that order.

It gives your marriage and your family the greatest possibility for the success sequence to occur.

And finally realize you're going to be in this marriage and there's going to be needed.

A lifelong work of repenting loving, laughing and forgiving.

You're going to have to have redos over and over again.

And folks, that's okay. There may be times you failed your partner repent, forgive, come back together and move on for marriage is a beautiful gift from God to us, but it will demand forgiving 707. Jesus said, so that does not mean that on the 491st time when your spouse hurt you, but you get the sock back no.

707. The numbers are perfection in the Bible Jesus was saying over and over and over again. Forgive as he has forgiven us. You can always have a redo. You can always try again.

That's what Jesus has done with us. It is a beautiful gift from our Savior to us and were reminded in Ephesians 432 how Paul said, as you have been forgiven. Now forgive one another. Get in touch with how much Jesus has forgiven you, has allowed you that do over that regrouping that chance again to move forward and as you do so with your spouse in marriage. You go 4050 6070 years and live in a satisfied beautiful Christ centered marriage that lives in God's truth and not the lies I David Chadwick thank you for listening to this hotel and I look forward

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