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Reflections on 44 Years of Marriage

Moments of Hope / David Chadwick
The Truth Network Radio
May 25, 2022 6:30 am

Reflections on 44 Years of Marriage

Moments of Hope / David Chadwick

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May 25, 2022 6:30 am

On this week's Hopecast, David Chadwick celebrates 44 years of marriage to his wife, Marilynn. Jenn Houston joins this discussion on ways we can honor God in our marriages. 

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What I'm David Chadwick. Welcome to this week's with my friends in Houston who joins me weekly in this hope cast to try to give all of you insights into the world's happenings, but also hope Jen how are you hello, thank you for having me David, I'm so glad you're with me today and you know we been dealing with some really interesting topics over the last several weeks. You know everything from end times theology to some practical understandings of what's going on in the world today, I thought about using this hope cast as a statement on the Buffalo shooting him. I don't know really what more I can add to that horribly racist act that it's an act of a very deranged individual as the chief of police in Buffalo said it is pure evil. It really is evil is in the human heart as Alexander Solzhenitsyn once said that evil passes through every single human heart that is the source of it all. I don't know what would cause a man to buy into and to begin to believe in a racist ideology that would cause him to want to murder and kill and then write his own manifesto regarding why he did it. Also accusing Jews of certain hideous acts as well. It is so much of what's going on in the history of the world. The mischaracterization of people so that you can then feel like it's justifiable to kill them.

The only way I know to address racism in our society and world is through the cross of Jesus Christ.

I still believe we don't have a race problem.

We have a grace problem. We don't believe really that all of us came from one family know, but also one particular human family. Adam and Eve from the beginning and because of natural selection and other things. Our color on our skin has been darkened or lightened in accordance with the environments in which we have lived but still we have one human race. Blood pulsating through our veins. Jesus came to die on the cross to bring us together as a one human race that does not look at the outside of our skin, but the inside of our hearts, and that we really do believe character is what defines us much more than the color of our skin as we move toward that reality of God's grace I think will learn to love one another. And as long as there is race hatred in our culture. The people can go to and imbibed into their brain were going to have more of these kinds of killings. I'll not mention the man's name. I don't want to give him that kind of credence. I think that's what he wants and I deplore what happened and I thought it would be appropriate for me at least to say that, along with the shooting that happened in California where five people were shot in the church. A PC USA church, I might add, which is hideous as well any kind of violence and killing is awful in the sight of God.

It is not his design so Jen I wanted to make that comment. As we moved into today's hope cast my thought it was appropriate but honestly I wanted us to spend maybe a little lighter note, if you will, on something that happened very significantly in my and my wife's Marilyn's life this past week we celebrated our 44th wedding anniversary heavyweight anniversary day that you think you you know it's a milestone it's a I think wonderful accomplishment and in our world today as we in America have one out of two marriages fail marriages that are lasting long-term need to be celebrated. I can't help but note that Marilyn's dad Harper Brame and his bride, and Keith Brame are celebrating their 69th year of marriage, and I do think there's something to be said for marriages that last long, that are passed on to the children who see those marriages having made it over a long period of time.

My mom and dad have both passed on, but they were married 63 years before my dad finally went to heaven and I really do rejoice in that example been given to me. What a legacy and a heritage to continue passing on really a word to those who come from broken families, you can start you can start the legacy and align hand when you can, in some theological circles. It's called reverse the curse now you divorce is never God's intended order.

He wanted marriages to last forever.

You have the statement regarding marriage pre-fall in Genesis 224 a man shall leave his mother and father and a woman shall leave her mother and father and the two shall come together and make extraordinary valves to one another and those two will then over the rest of their lives become one flesh. And I think that one flesh. This has much more to do with the spiritual call quality than it does any kind of physical quality know it does suggest the physical intimacy of the human relationship. I think that's therefore producing kids. I think God wants kids and he loves it when we have kids but I think it's also every time a man and woman come together in intimacy. It's an ability to restate their covenant vows to one another saying hey I'm in this forever client like to add to it when my husband was a youth pastor. He would pastor the teenagers they were attempted in the physical relations as you are as a teenager with innovations in women's and subpoena take the enemy wants to muddy your view of marriage and the whole world because marriage is God's idea and said that Satan wants to get you to gather as much as he can before you're married.

And once you're married, he wants you to stay apart as much as he can hear something like warfare the act and intimacy between a husband and wife, and he thought he does indeed and he wants to tear it apart, so I thought we could use the remaining minutes in the show today just to give our listeners some practical tips that Marilyn and I have learned through the years that will allow their marriages to make it to 69, 70 years of age, and then you can pass on that same model to your kids who will want that same thing from their marriages because dear friends, I believe this with all my heart a healthy marriage and family is the bedrock of a healthy culture when marriages and families start to break apart and that's no longer the foundation of our nation. Our nation won't be strong either. So let's learn how to make these marriages work and one of the things I would say off the top. Jen is developed the spiritual side to your marriage. Make sure that you realize that your marriage is spiritual.

Jesus said in Matthew 19 that which God has joined together, no person should be able to separate will people are flesh and blood, but God is spirit. So what's Jesus saying there make sure you have the spiritual qualities of your relationship together. That means praying together reading the Scripture together serving together going on missions trips together developing the spiritual side of your relationship and that's the glue that will hold you together when there are temptations from the flesh and blood world wanting to tear your marriage apart. When you develop that spiritual side you become so inextricably one flesh. So amazingly unionized in your relationship.

There is no person who could ever come and break that apart.

That's why institutions like Harvard, for example, have done studies on marriages that last a long time and they discovered that couples that pray together regularly worship together regularly and have serving times together regularly. The divorce rates one out of over 1000 so if you have a Christ centered marriage. Make sure you develop the spiritual side of your relationship together because when you do so you truly become one flesh, and you understand more and more what Jesus meant when he said that which God has joined together, no person can ever separate. While I this rings true to you.

If you have not, as a foundation you can face anything to gather it like and your task together will become your testimony to gather because you have that spiritual foundation.

Well, that's another point of a long-term marriage that is so important you develop collective memories together. You have all of these memories of meeting together. Getting married together having children together. All the other things you do together and those memories are collected in the photos that are interphone's are honor mantles and one of the saddest parts of divorce Jen for me is when someone gets a divorce. Suddenly all those collective memories proof just go away. You can't get together with your children and look at the pictures and laugh. It isn't possible they just gone away so you really do need to build that time together and have those collective memories together there so important as well, which then leads to the one major tip that Marilyn and I would give to all of you listeners right now to have a long-standing marriage and it is this drumroll spend time together.

Make sure you have a day off together. I have to preach on Sunday. I love to do that but is nevertheless work so I can't have a normal Sunday as my Shabbat is my Sabbath.

So Marilyn I take Friday. That is our day. It's our day together to be together, pray together, talk together. Just have fun together and nothing interrupts. That day I turn off my phone. I don't look at it I'm unavailable. The staff knows that people know that, but it's because I want to focus on her and she wants to focus on me. We wrote two books on the eight great ways to have a great marriage and we wrote them apart from one another, just trying to come up with our eight great hints for how to make a great marriage. Interestingly, our number one tip from both of us on knowingly from one another is that we both believed the importance of that Shabbat that Sabbath day together to submit your hearts together for a lifetime.

That is sound, guide, and I actually spoke with her recently on my personal podcast and she talked about that the books 8 great ways to honor your easy read.

The landlord life life is right in line for husband and she did mention that I'd like to put you on the spot and asking a question. Sure, it's so easy for couples to get into conversational rights and can't talk about the kids talk about the events in sports. How do you keep your conversation fresh marriage and with Marilyn. Well, there's one question that each of you can ask one another regularly. That will keep your conversations fresh. Here it is.

Ask each other this question.

How is your heart how is your heart. Let the other than explain and explore what's going on in their hearts because each week.

There's always something different that has occurred to affect how your heart is operating it could be your feeling very joyous because of ABCD and then that person tells you why they're so joyous and that something you can celebrate and it's interesting or they can share some of the pain that has gone on in their hearts during the week and when you do that you empathize with them and that helps enjoin the hearts together as well, but each week there's always something new that happens. Always something that's going on. If you just ask that question in your weekly Shabbat Sabbath alone time together, it will always keep the conversations fresh and alive and usually with raising kids that you'll find some new conversations to have as well and usually with jobs and their situations the way they are today. There's something new or fresh that's happened, but that one question Jen. We discovered is the best question in the world to ask how is your heart and then as your answering that question.

Try to get your feelings those feeling words that are in you I'm feeling discouraged. I'm feeling encouraged. I'm feeling joyful and feeling sad. Try to find those feeling words and express them then as a listener. Try to listen to those feeling words and repeat them back to the person so you'll know you really are trying to understand what's going on in their hearts.

Wow are you counselor well I have a counseling degree for sure. I learned a lot of those techniques in counseling, but you know what they're just practical ways to listen and care for other people. It doesn't take a doctorate or Masters degree in counseling to be able to do that. It just takes someone who wants with a listening ear to care for another person's heart that's okay and if I could add one more thing Jim below the envelope cast in Ephesians 5. There such an interesting insight. There from Paul regarding how husbands should care for wives and wife secure for husbands. It's interesting that God says to the husbands, love your wives, because in my 40+ years of marriage counseling with different couples I have found that every woman is basically most desired need is to be loved and he has to say to her. I love you so much I'm willing to die for you and I that's Marilyn saying David don't be willing to die for me. Be willing to live for me that I did that mean I really do. But it is a husband say I love you so much I'm willing to die for you and that expresses to me the wife's desire to be in intimacy with the husband to have a close relationship with the husband to feel like she is loved in every possible way, and more than flowers more than chocolates what the wife is really saying is I want you I want you I want a relationship with you the other stuff is fine but I want you, but then interestingly the end of Ephesians 5. It tells the wives not to love their husbands but to respect their husbands. That's because in my opinion the man's greatest need is not to be loved.

His greatest need is to be respected and to be lifted up to be thought that he is the cat's meow think he's the greatest thing that's ever walked the face of the earth. You know this male ego is not something that someone invented is real. We guys feel that so you wives lift up your husbands let him know how much you respect him and honor him and just think he's great because that's his greatest need of.

That's not to say that women don't need to be respected is not to say that men don't want a relationship and be loved is just think the primary desire. The primary need is for the husband to feel respected and for the wife to feel loved and when that happens I discovered in years of counseling and in my own marriage that your marriage becomes closer, more intimate and secure. That is so good and I love that you guys both has that word honor for the books he wrote eight great ways to honor your spouse because it encapsulates probably both of that is Alan a really does Jen. That's a great point because I think the word honor encapsulates respect and love, and it's an MIA word in the Christian vocabulary missing in action.

It's not talked a lot about in the Bible, but it's there. And in Romans 12 pulses to honor one another and what is honor meanings to prize value to places your highest desire highest possession that person who is in your life. So as we honor one another in the church. How much stronger the church would be, but if we honor each other in marriage.

How much stronger our marriages will be so beloved Marilyn. Happy 44th wedding anniversary thank you for putting up with me for all of these years. Jen, how many for you and Chris this August will be 20 years, congratulations, thank you were doubling you up so come on catch up with our listeners.

Thank you for joining me today and thank you for listening to these hubcaps will have another one next week and I always look forward to sharing my heart. God has given

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