God's Pattern for Wives, Part 1 B

When you foul up God's order, everything gets messed up. These people who advocate the working, independent, non-submissive wife call on her pride, and sadly, sadly, sadly, non-submissive wives and mothers contribute to lost children, delinquency, lack of understanding of God-ordained roles. They are not in the home, and the results are disastrous. Welcome to Grace to You with John MacArthur. I'm your host, Phil Johnson. One influential feminist author said, Being a housewife is an illegitimate profession.

The choice to be a family maker is a choice that shouldn't be. Well, you'll find today's message offers a slightly different perspective. So stay here as John continues his most popular series, The Fulfilled Family. And John, before we look at the subject of family, you know, every month there are people I know that you interact with in a personal way. Wherever I go, I meet Grace to You listeners, and I know you do too. And it's great to meet those people whom we don't otherwise get to see. I know you'd be the first to say those people, our listeners, are really like family to us.

Yeah, there's no question about that, Phil. And the more common statement that I hear is, I feel like I know you. And my response is always the same. I say, Well, if you've been listening to Grace to You, you do know me, because that is me.

That's me coming through. In fact, you have the privilege of knowing the best part about me, which is the teaching of the Word of God. I remember when I was talking to my son Mark when he was a little guy—I think he was junior high—and he said to me, sitting at home, he said, You know, Dad, when you get in the pulpit, you're really special. But he said, The rest of the time, you're not really so special at all. And I know what he was trying to say. Something happens when you teach the Bible that kind of puts you in another category. And he couldn't figure out why I was not so dynamic at home, the honesty of a kid. Yeah, so I understand that.

I fully understand that. And I love the words of the Apostle Paul, who said, You know, we need to share with our teachers in all good things. And there's a reciprocation there. When somebody writes me a letter, somebody sends me a card, somebody gives me a phone call, a text, or meets me somewhere and says thank you for your teaching, that's a profound blessing to me. And that's kind of the family feeling. We rally around the Word of God. I know why they say that.

I know exactly why they feel that way because of what the Word of God has done in their life. This month, we're offering a free study guide to those of you who are part of Grace To You. It's a classic Grace To You series called Spiritual Boot Camp.

Did you hear what I said? A free study guide. And that's our pattern. Every month, year after year, we offer a free book or free CD, one of the messages to everyone who receives the monthly newsletter. In fact, over the years, we've given away more than 100,000 MacArthur study Bibles to the people on our mailing list, and we're grateful to be able to do it. So next month, we'll be offering a free booklet on what Scripture says about—are you ready for this?—homosexuality and related issues. And we plan to offer a couple more booklets through 2021, as well as messages on CD that we think will encourage you. In June, we'll be offering my book called Jesus Unleashed. It's a brand new book. It looks at the bold Christ of Scripture, how he exposed doctrinal error, and what Christians need to do to take his example and follow it. In the fall, we expect to offer an updated edition of the MacArthur Daily Bible with a beautiful new binding. That's going to be popular.

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Right. To get on our mailing list, call toll-free 800-55-GRACE. One of our customer service representatives will take your call and make sure that you're receiving our monthly letter. And I'll have the rest of our contact details after the lesson. But right now, here's John MacArthur to continue showing you the fulfilled family. The only hope for marriage is to be obedient to God's Word and to be empowered by God's Spirit. We submit mutually to each other, being more concerned about the other than we are ourselves, more concerned about the things of others than our own things, looking not on the things which concern us, but the things which concern others, all of that we learned from the book of Philippians chapter 2. So the general spirit of all relationships should be one of submission, and then in particular, wives, be subject to your own husbands as to the Lord. In Titus chapter 2, there is some instruction beginning in verse 3 and running down through verse 5 that supports this concept of submission.

And listen very carefully to what I say now. It takes the concept of submission to your husband and extends it to the range of home duties. It starts to unfold the duties. Older women, it says in verse 3, are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips, not enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good. And obviously, they teach the young women, according to verse 4, that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands.

That comes first. Love, not purely in an emotional sense, as we talk about falling in love, the bells and whistles, you know, but love in the sense of self-sacrificing devotion to the privileged duty to which you have been called under His leadership and protection, to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands for a very important reason, that the Word of God may not be dishonored. Now, in verses 3 to 5, you have a series of short commands, very brief but with immense and far-reaching implications.

And what is at stake? What is at stake is the Word of God not being dishonored. Wherever you see this woman's liberation movement assaulting the church, the first point of attack is the Word of God, isn't it? They assault the Scripture. They twist all these Scriptures.

They shift them around. They reinterpret them. They've got all this revisionist interpretation. And it goes from there to the worst, where they even produce Bibles, where the name of God is she or she slash he, the politically correct Bible. But always, women in the framework of Christianity who want to move out of their God-ordained role must assault the Word of God. And it's not just that direct attack which is being referred to here, but an indirect one that comes by way of the fact that when women don't obey what the Word of God says, then those people watching that and knowing that will conclude that we don't think the Bible is really that important, right? So the Word of God is dishonored. The Word of God is diminished as to its importance.

We don't want to do that. Ladies, you want to follow these patterns for the sake of your own joy, for the sake of the blessing of God, for the sake of making marriage the grace of life that God intended it to be, and for the sake of showing the watching world that we obey the Word of God because we believe God has given it. It is binding and the source of blessing. A lot is at stake when women want their independence.

They wreck the marriage and they ruin their testimony, diminishing the Word of God, which Psalm 138 2 says God has exalted to His name. Betty Friedan, way back in 1963, one of the early leaders of the feminist movement, wrote a book. She told women in this book, leave home and go to work.

And it was adamant. And it was really kind of the bomb that popularized the feminist movement. Twenty years later, no less than Betty Friedan wrote another book.

This was called The Second Stage. In it she said this. She said, feminism has failed and I urge you working women to leave work and go home.

Twenty-year experiment failed, still failing miserably. She started something with so much feminine machismo in it, it's almost unstoppable. And the number one symbol of women's rebellion against God's order is the independent working wife. Over 50 percent of all women are in the workforce, over 50 million working mothers, most of them with school-aged or younger children. In fact, nearly half of the women with children under six work. Two out of three, because the younger women lead the parade in these working trends, two out of three children three to five years old spend part of their day in facilities outside their home.

Two out of three. Women have abandoned the home. They're fighting for their independence.

And the society has come behind them with tremendous, tremendous support. I think it just came into my mind of Hannah. It says in 1 Samuel 1.21, her husband, Elkanah, went up with all his household to offer to the Lord the yearly sacrifice and pay his vow.

He was just going to the temple to carry out his annual religious observance. And he asked Hannah to go. Hannah didn't go.

It was just a trip up and back. She said to her husband, I will not go up until the child is weaned. Literally in the Hebrew, until the child is fully dealt with.

She wouldn't even go on a trip if it would in any way hamper the attention she needed to give to that child. The abandonment of the home, the abandonment of the children, the isolation of the woman as the independent working woman, of course, escalates the already cursed and hammered union we know as marriage. Felice Swartz in Working Woman magazine writes, When the children of today's current generation of career women are themselves emerging from their teens, the polarization of sexes that put women in the house at the nurturing end of the spectrum and men in the office at the work end of the spectrum will have disappeared and with it all the stereotypes.

And, of course, we know that the U.S. government offers tax credits for those who hire babysitters so they can go to work. Marriages are being abandoned. Families are being abandoned.

The results are absolutely devastating. These people who advocate the working, independent, non-submissive wife call on her pride. They appeal to her self-esteem, her pride. They appeal, if you will, to her sin, telling her to leave her slave role and gain some dignity as a real person. They appeal to her lust for material things. They appeal to her already strong desire to dominate. And sadly, sadly, sadly, working, non-submissive wives and mothers contribute to lost children, delinquency, lack of understanding of God-ordained roles, rebellion, loneliness, adultery, divorce, you name it. They are not under submission to their own husbands. They are not in the home and the results are disastrous. When you foul up God's order, everything gets messed up.

Everything. And the real calling of woman is to be in the home, to be submissive to her husband, to be following his lead, caring for her children, caring for her home. That is the marvelous, marvelous calling of a woman.

The domain of her home. She's a keeper at home, a worker at home, a lover of children, a lover of husbands, submissive. I can't resist further defining the magnificence of this role in Proverbs 31. Turn back to Proverbs 31.

I'm just going to refer to it briefly and then close with a couple of illustrations that are pretty powerful. Chapter 31 talks about an excellent wife, and this is a great, great description of an excellent wife, starting in verse 10 of Proverbs 31. Guys, this is the kind of woman you dream about. This is what every woman should desire to be, an excellent wife, verse 10. Who can find?

It's hard to find one. For her worth is far above jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her. Find a woman first of all that you can what? Trust. Trust her with everything. Trust her with relationships. Trust her with your children. Trust her with your money. Trust her with your possessions. Trust her with your relationships. She won't go around undermining those.

He'll have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil all the days of her life. This is an amazing woman. She looks for wool and flax and works with her hands in delight. She's like merchant ships. She brings her food from afar.

She'll go anywhere for a bargain. Amazing woman, works with her hands, goes everywhere with her little coupon deal. Verse 15, she rises also while it is still night and gives food to her household. I have so many memories of that as a kid.

I have so many memories of the mornings of my life and of waking, not by an alarm, but by what was coming out of the kitchen. She gives food to her household and portions to her maidens. This is a very enterprising woman. She finds a field that's for sale and she buys it. She's got earnings and she plants a vineyard. Somehow she's got a cottage deal going inside the home. She's been able to earn some money to help. She girds herself with strength, makes her arms strong. Probably not because she went to the gym, but because she worked.

She senses that her gain is good, her lamp doesn't go out at night, stays up late, gets up early. Life was tough in those days. If you wanted clothes, you did what?

You made them. If you wanted food, you made it. If you wanted some food to eat, you grew it.

If you wanted to grow it, you had to have a field. So when you married a woman to provide meals, that meant she had to buy a field, plow a field, plant a field, harvest a field, make the food while you were off doing whatever, doing business in the city. She stretches out her hand to the distaff. Her hands grasp the spindle. She's weaving coats.

It can get cold in that part of the world in the winter. She extends her hand to the poor. She stretches out her hands to the needy. She's not afraid of the snow for her household. For all her household are clothed with scarlet. Not only do they have warm garments, but they're beautiful. She makes coverings for herself.

Her clothing is fine linen and purple. And you know what? Her husband's known in the gates. They know him as that's so-and-so's husband. Oh yeah, I know that guy. That's so-and-so's husband. He's known in the gates when he sits among the elders of the land.

They're all a little jealous. She makes linen garments and sells them. There's how she makes a little money to buy that field and supplies belts to the tradesmen, strengthened dignity on her clothing. She smiles at the future.

Why? She plans ahead. She opens her mouth in wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.

Boy, what kind of model is she for her children? She looks well to the ways of her household, doesn't eat the bread of idleness, and her children rise up and bless her, her husband also, and he praises her, saying, Many daughters have done nobly, but you excel them all. You're the best.

You're the best. Charm, it's deceitful. Beauty, it's vain, doesn't last. But a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised. Give her the product of her hands, and let her works praise her in the gates. And it all works around the home, doesn't it? And the husband and the children and the needy. That's where a woman needs to give her life. Some women are, now they've been sold this whole feminist deal.

You know, they grab their briefcase, put on their suit and went to the office and have done their thing. And now all of a sudden, 10, 15 years later, there's a terrible hollowness in their hearts. Many of the same women who in their 20s pursued career, didn't want children intruding in their life, now find themselves in their 30s and 40s with an emptiness and a terrible dissatisfaction, a hollowness, a sense of unfulfillment, and the reality that they missed the whole purpose of life and they can't ever get it back. Despite their worldly successes, an indefinable longing sets in, and some of them begin to see motherhood as the experience they want. They want to have a baby.

You hear them say that all the time. This attitude perceives motherhood as some kind of feminine achievement. I've had my career, I've made my money and now I want to make my baby. I want to show the world that I can do that. That's my next achievement, my next personal accomplishment.

I've been a successful lawyer and now I'm going to show you that I can be a successful mother. Children, however, are not a prize to win. They are not a goal to achieve. They are not a way to proclaim someone's femininity. They are not a little doll to dress at the jamboree better than everybody else's kids are dressed. They're not somebody to fill out your wounded ego and unfulfilled life. One lady said, I've got the house, I've got the cars, we have the vacation home, I've had the career, now all I need is a couple of kids.

I guess she thought that way she could go down as a monument to femininity. Women who look at having children as a means of personal fulfillment are really mistaking the issue. First, because if all they want is an experience, and experience is very temporary, but that kid is going to be around for a long time, making a lot of demands that have very little to do with one's personal fulfillment.

Have you noticed? Secondly, this manifestation of self-centeredness undervalues the purpose and the significance of motherhood as God designs it and usually sentences that little kid to a tragic life. This is the sentimental, romantic view of motherhood.

And this sentimentalism is dangerous because any time our emotions are driving the car, we will end up in a ditch. Babies wake up in the night, babies get sick, they make a mess, and sometimes babies die. I admit that the tender, sweet, and emotional side of motherhood is precious, but only because hard-headed reason and biblical discipline with lots and lots of hard work is steering the process. Christian women need to have their approach to mothering anchored in the Scriptures, not in their emotion. You're not going to learn mothering anywhere but in the Bible. You're not going to learn it from a talk show host.

You're not going to learn it from a magazine article at the check stand in the market. You're not going to learn motherhood from classes on self-esteem. A healthy, godly view of mothering comes out of the Word of God, and it has to be learned there. Motherhood is not a romanticized ideal. It is a God-given task suited to a woman's frame and accomplished joyfully by hard work through His grace and provision. Godly motherhood does not focus on the pretty little child, doesn't focus on infancy and childhood. Let me tell you, godly mothering focuses on adulthood from the start. It focuses on the long-term objective, which is mature, godly sons and daughters who will live to bring honor and glory to God. That is the calling of scriptural, spiritual motherhood. That's what God wants.

Those who don't know Christ, they can't even approach it right. Those who do must. I received this letter, really a heartbreaking letter.

Listen to what it says. I received your tape series on the family from my mother-in-law for Christmas. You were right. When you started the tape on the duty and priorities of the wife, you were right that it would upset a lot of people. I cried many tears listening to you. You have hit the nail on the head regarding the moral decay of families and children, working mothers.

The reason for the tears? I am a working mother. I have four children, ages 11, 10, 3, and one and a half.

I've worked all of their lives. I feel that I have lost a connection with my 11-year-old daughter, and that worries me as she approaches adolescence. My babies go through tremendous mommy deprivation daily.

My 10-year-old acts out his frustration on everyone. My oldest children go to a private Christian school, and that requires a lot of time in the evenings with homework. I get home after being gone 9 to 10 hours.

I have to cook dinner, deal with the crying mischievous babies, and try not to let the older ones feel left out because I'm too tired or there's no time left in the evening to work on their needs. I would love to stay home and be a keeper of my house, but I have no alternative. My husband has chosen to ruin his career and our lives by selfishly indulging in drugs and alcohol. After a four-year roller coaster ride, we separated when I found out that he was taking the babies to the park and drinking.

I fear that he may get into an accident with them or forget he has them with him. I have been put into the position of breadwinner of this family, and I deeply resent it. It is destroying my family. I am losing out on the most important part of my life, raising my children. The part of me that is raising them is not the part of me that I like.

I am tired, angry, and frustrated all of the time. What a wonderful role model, Mom the hag. When we separated, I told my boss, separated from her husband, and he told me to call my pastor right away. Being somewhat new to a church body, I couldn't figure out what my pastor could do. I told my pastor a few days later he said he was sorry and that he would pray for me. During the initial separation, I didn't attend church for a month. I continued to read my Bible daily and listen to tapes and radio ministry programs. During that month, I didn't receive a single call from the church or my pastor. Incidentally, we fill out weekly attendance cards, and several friends are in ministry positions who know of our situation. When I did go back to church, no one asked how things were. It was also at this time I asked my employer if I could work at home to save daycare costs. He is a Christian, and these costs were sending me financially over the edge.

The answer was no. I thought I was naïve, thinking that my church or my Christian employer should or could help in some way. When I listened to you and your thoughts on the church's obligation to women with children, I couldn't stop crying. I felt so let down by my pastor and church as well as my Christian employer.

Well, I didn't write this to complain. I just wanted you to know how much I appreciate your messages and how you really have touched me. You've given me incentive to pray more fervently for God to change my situation so that I can do what I'm supposed to do, be a keeper of my house and children.

I also pray for my husband, keep on teaching the Word of God. It doesn't matter if noses get bent out of shape. It just makes us open our eyes and re-examine how we live our lives. Sad, isn't it?

I mean, in some ways it's all over, and there's no going back. The matter of submission is so clear in Scripture. To the husband, to the tasks of the home, that's God's call to women. You're listening to Grace To You as John MacArthur, chancellor of the Masters University and Seminary, continues his series titled The Fulfilled Family. And keep in mind what John said before the lesson. By joining our mailing list, you can keep up on the resources available from Grace To You. You can stay informed on how you can be praying for John and our staff, and you will receive offers for free books or other resources every month. To join our mailing list, contact us today. You can send an email to letters at gty.org, or drop a note to Grace To You, Box 4000, Panorama City, CA 91412.

You can also ask to join our mailing list when you call us at 800-55-GRACE or sign up at gty.org. And if you're looking for a particular resource that will deepen your study of Scripture, let me suggest our flagship resource, the MacArthur Study Bible. With introductions for each book of the Bible and nearly 25,000 study notes from John, the MacArthur Study Bible is an all-in-one theological library that will help you understand Scripture in its historical and grammatical context, and is available in the New King James, New American Standard, and English Standard versions. To get the MacArthur Study Bible, visit our website, gty.org, or you can call our customer service line at 800-55-GRACE. And by the way, that number translates to 800-554-7223. Now for John MacArthur and the entire Grace To You staff, I'm Phil Johnson, inviting you back for our next broadcast when John continues his series, The Fulfilled Family. It's our most in-demand series ever. Be here tomorrow for another half hour of unleashing God's truth, one verse at a time, on Grace To You.