God's Pattern for Wives, Part 1

God has always desired that women have a meek and quiet spirit.

God has always desired that they adorn the hidden person of the heart. He has always desired that they are submissive to their own husbands. This has always been the standard folks. This isn't new. This isn't some bias or chauvinism.

It's always been this way. It's no secret that good marriages and families don't just happen. Certainly, the wife bears some responsibility in that, and when it comes to being a Christian wife, there are some specific attitudes God calls women to adopt. Of course, in a world where influential voices call those attitudes old-fashioned or inappropriate or even insulting, today's Christian woman has probably never faced more resistance to being the kind of wife God wants her to be. If you're feeling that pressure, today's Grace to You broadcast is going to encourage you. John MacArthur helps you separate truth from falsehood on this issue of wives and submission. It's part of his most popular study over the years, titled The Fulfilled Family.

Now with a message, here's John MacArthur. It's our privilege to turn in the Word of God to a great portion of Scripture as a starting point for our message on God's pattern for a wife. Ephesians chapter 5, verses 22 through 24. And there the Word of God says, wives, be subject to your own husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church.

He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything. In the passage that I just read to you, there are several obvious points that are made here. But the overarching point is one about submission. And we draw that from verse 21 where the general responsibility of all believers to one another is to submit. We submit mutually to each other, being more concerned about the other than we are ourselves, more concerned about the things of others than our own things, looking not on the things which concern us, but the things which concern others.

All of that we learn from the book of Philippians chapter 2. We are to approach all of our relationships with humility, with self-abnegation, if you will, unselfishness, self-denial, and a desire to meet the need of the other person. So the general spirit of all relationships should be one of submission. And then in particular, wives, be subject to your own husbands as to the Lord. You will notice that the words be subject or submit in some versions is in italics because it is not in the original. It's not in the original.

It doesn't need to be there. He has just said, be subject to one another, and then He says, wives to your own husbands. And being subject is obviously implied. All of us submit at some point, wives submit to their husbands. She is to follow willingly the leadership, the headship of her husband.

This and this alone can minimize the curse and reverse the conflict. And we see then, first of all, the matter of submission there in verse 22. The matter of submission clearly introduced, be subject to your own husbands.

Very specific, by the way. She is not available to all men. She is not told to be submissive to all men, only her own husband. The man she possesses, her own husband, the one that is hers. And there is, in that very phrase, a lovely sense of possession. He belongs to her, yet she submits to him.

And there again is that magnificent mutuality. Now as we look at Ephesians chapter 5 and consider these instructions, wives be subject to your own husbands as to the Lord, we find there are some supporting passages to these, and we want to look at them for a moment. Before we go on in the text, turn to 1 Peter chapter 3. 1 Peter chapter 3, they further open this truth to us and help us to understand it. 1 Peter chapter 3 says, in the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands.

And again, you have the very same issue. What is quite interesting is that little phrase, in the same way. Go back to verse 13. Submit yourselves, for the Lord's sake, to every human institution, whether to a king as the one in authority or to governors as sent by him for the punishment of evildoers and the praise of those who do right. In other words, all of us submit to the authority of government. Verse 18, servants, submit to your masters with all respect, not only to those who are good and gentle, but also to those who are unreasonable.

Now, keep this in mind. We all submit to the government, to the king, to the authorities, to the governors. Verse 15, this is the will of God. We are to fear God and honor the king, verse 17 says.

It doesn't tell us what form of government, what kind of government, what the moral standards of that government happen to be. It says we are to submit. And then in verse 18, the same kind of submission to your employer, whether he is good and gentle or absolutely unreasonable. This finds favor with God if for the sake of conscience toward God, a man bears up under sorrows when suffering justly.

No matter how difficult your employer might be, you bear up. That finds favor with God. When you suffer unjustly, you are increasing your eternal reward. And then the most marvelous illustration of suffering unjustly, sometimes under the oppression of a government, sometimes under the oppression of an employer or a slave owner in ancient times, but the greatest illustration is the Lord Jesus Himself. Verse 21, Christ also suffered for us, leaving you an example for you to follow in His steps. He shows us how to suffer unjustly.

He shows us how to bear the burdening yoke of unfair leadership. He suffered, committed no sin. Verse 22, was no deceit found in His mouth. While being reviled, He didn't revile in return. While suffering, He uttered no threats but kept entrusting Himself to Him who judges righteously. And in the process, He Himself bore our sins in His body on the cross that we might die to sin and live to righteousness, for by His wounds you were healed. In other words, Christ suffered undeserved punishment. He suffered it without retaliation, without reviling back.

He uttered no threats. He just turned Himself over to God, took His suffering, and in the end it had a profoundly significant result. It redeemed souls out of the human race. And then you come to chapter 3, verse 1.

Remember, there are no chapter breaks in the original text. In the same way, you wives, what do you mean the same way? As someone under the authority of government, as an employee under the authority of an employer, whether the government is good, bad, or indifferent, whether the employer is good and gentle or abusive and unreasonable, in the same manner that Jesus suffered unjustly and did nothing but commit Himself to God for God to bring out of that unjust suffering a glorious end, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands.

The implication here is that it really doesn't matter what kind of husband he is. You say, well, I have a husband who's disobedient to the things of God, who's indifferent to Jesus Christ, who is not kind and loving, is not good and gentle. All the more reason, Peter says, in the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the Word, they may be one without a word by the behavior of their wives. Line up under them all the more reason if they are not saved, if they do not obey the Word of God.

Some are unsaved implied there, but it could also imply a person who had made a profession of faith in Christ and was not obedient to the Scripture. All the more reason to be submissive, and again I remind you, as is fitting and fitting has its limits, you're not to be submissive if He commands you to do directly that which opposes the Word of God or commands you not to do that which the Word of God does command you to do. But apart from those things for which you are under the command of God, you must submit to your husband, hupitaso again, line up under him. And the key in verses 2 and 3, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior, that's what you want them to see. You want them to see your virtue, your purity. And then in verse 3, and let not your adornment be merely external, only external, braiding the hair and wearing gold jewelry or putting on dresses.

But let it be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit which is precious in the sight of God. You have a husband who is a trial to you, either because he's unsaved or he's a disobedient believer. He fails to fulfill all of your hopes and expectations for what you would want as a husband. He comes short of what you hoped for and maybe what you thought he was. And you are gravely disappointed.

You chafe under his authoritarianism. He cares little for how you feel, it seems, all the more reason to be submissive, all the more reason to demonstrate to him a meekness, a purity, a respectful kind of behavior, all the more reason not only to adorn the outside, and please do that. We all appreciate it, but do more than that, more than putting on a pretty dress or wearing gold jewelry or doing your hair. Adorn your heart with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit which is precious in the sight of God.

And I might say every man's dream. It doesn't mean you have to kill your personality. It doesn't mean you have to become a robot. It doesn't mean you have to become boring.

It doesn't mean you never give your opinion. But there needs to be deep down in your heart gentleness, quietness. That hidden part is precious in the sight of God. God prefers a woman like that. Like 1 Timothy 2 says, not learning in subjection.

This is of great price. Verse 5, for in this way, in former times, the holy women also who hoped in God used to adorn themselves being submissive to their own husbands. This has always been the standard folks. This isn't new. This isn't some Pauline, Petrine bias or chauvinism. This isn't something they just came up with.

It's always been this way. God has always desired that women have a meek and quiet spirit. God has always desired that they adorn the hidden person of the heart with those imperishable qualities. He has always desired that they are submissive to their own husbands. And again, that same phrase, their own husbands. Not to all men. Women collectively are not under the control of all men.

A wife is under the control of her husband. And verse 6 gives us an illustration. Thus Sarah obeyed Abraham.

May I suggest to you here that the concept of submission comes eventually to the point of obeying? She called him Lord. There's a thought. Yes, my Lord. No, something wrong with that.

It just doesn't sound… doesn't sound modern, does it? She called him Lord. She obeyed him. And you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear. And that's, you know, that's what comes up. You know, when you do counseling, inevitably when you're talking to a woman about how she should respond to the leadership of her husband, whatever kind of leadership it is, she says, well, you don't understand.

It's very difficult. And sometimes I'm afraid of where he's going to lead me. I'm afraid of where he's going to take me. And that is precisely why this verse says, just obey, call him Lord, do what is right, and don't be frightened by any fear because you have put yourself in the place of the blessing and protection of God. As Abraham was the father of the faithful, Sarah is the mother of the submissive. She's the prototype. Abraham is the prototype of faith.

She's the prototype of submission. No terror. The word is literally terror at the end of verse 6. Great peace, great security. It's a tremendous passage, tremendous passage. And it cannot be argued against.

It is too clear and too direct. 1 Corinthians chapter 11 is another passage that demands our attention as we think about what it means to be submissive. In 1 Corinthians chapter 11, verses 3 and following is a fascinating portion of Scripture dealing with the woman. Let's start with a brief reminder that in Corinth a woman's liberation movement had arrived. And perhaps there were certain Christian women who were enjoying their new liberty in Christ and thinking they were now free in Christ, they thought they no longer perhaps had to be under the authority of their husbands. And since they were one in Christ with them, their spiritual equality gave them complete freedom and complete equality on all fronts and so they were overstepping their limits.

And as a result, they were bringing reproach on the church and reproach on Christ. And apparently in Corinthian society, a veil was the symbol of submission, the symbol of modesty, the symbol of meekness. And in the past I've done some reading in the history of that period of time and I found out that there were basically two kinds of women who didn't wear a veil. Feminists, those protesting the role of women, and harlots, those prostituting the role of women. So, protesters and prostitutes threw off their veils.

That's the background. Verse 3, I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man and the man is the head of a woman and God is the head of Christ. And Paul is just saying this to show you that there is an authority and submission principle built in all the way from God on down. This isn't something cultural.

It isn't something just recently invented. There has always been in God's plan and God's economy a place for submission and authority. And along that line, verse 4, every man who has something on his head while praying or prophesying disgraces his head. But every woman who has her head uncovered while praying or prophesying disgraces her head for she is one and the same with her whose head is shaved.

Now we're getting a little more deeply into what was going on. The protesters in Paul's time were shaving their heads in protest against the feminine role. Verse 6, if a woman does not cover her head, let her also have her hair cut off. But if it is disgraceful for a woman to have her hair cut off or her head shaved, let her cover her head.

In other words, there's no happy medium. If you take the thing off, you might as well go the whole way and shave your head because you have done as much as protest the purposes of God. God accepts the fact that that culture had certain ways to identify women. They were covered and they had long hair.

And that was the sign of their femininity. When they wanted to protest that, they threw off the veil and shaved the head. He says if you're going to throw off your covering, you might as well then go ahead and shave your head and join the prostitutes and the protesters.

Oh, he says to the Christian women, you can't do that. Your culture has an understanding of the distinction between men and women. That is a divine distinction, though the particular custom is not ordained by God, the distinction is. And in whatever way your society maintains that distinction, you be sure you hold it up, lest they conclude that you are fighting against that. And if you take off your covering, they will conclude that.

You might as well shave your head and join the march. On the other hand, in verse 7, a man ought not to have his head covered since he is the image and glory of God, but the woman is the glory of man. A man is not to wear anything that marks submission. He is not to wear that which identifies a woman. Back in Deuteronomy, it says a woman is not to wear anything that appertains to a man or vice versa. So the order of creation has put man in the place of headship and leadership and woman in the place of submission. She is to sustain the mark of that submission, which in that culture was long hair and a veil.

That makes sense. That suits the created order, and you Christians should not violate that. If you're going to violate that just because you think you're free in Christ, then go ahead and shave your head and join the prostitutes and the protesters.

You've done as much in discrediting the distinctions that God has made. Then in verse 10, he adds another thought. Therefore, the woman ought to have a symbol of authority on her head because of the angels.

That's most interesting. What it's saying is that the angels recognize the authority and submission principle. The angels, no doubt, have been told by God about how He has designed man and woman to live together.

It would be a great curiosity to the angels since among the angels there is neither marrying or giving in marriage, and so it is outside their realm of experience and comprehension, and consequently they're extremely curious about the whole relationship. They understand authority and submission. They understand the authority of God and Christ and the Holy Spirit. They understand that there are even ranks of angels.

There are principalities and powers and rulers. There are cherubim and seraphim, and they would understand all of that. But with regard to man and woman and how they relate, they're very concerned to see God's order manifest in the church.

No doubt God has expressed to the angels that the curse in the fall which threw marriage into chaos can be minimized through the power of the Holy Spirit, through salvation and you can look at the church and see at least a glimpse of what my original intention for marriage was. And so for the angels, maintain the symbol of authority on your head, women. Maintain your femininity. Whatever the symbols of your femininity are, maintain them in that society and in most societies.

It's long hair and a covering. Even the angels recognize that principle. And the purpose would be, of course, so that the angels in seeing this wonderful work in which God has brought about the mitigation of the curse and brought a man and a woman together without the conflict and the war and the hostility in Christ and by the Spirit, this would cause the angels to give praise and glory to God. So the glory of God among the angels is the issue. Then in verses 11 and 12, however, in the Lord, just to make sure you don't misunderstand it, neither is woman independent of man nor is man independent of woman. For as the woman originates from the man, so also the man has his birth through the woman and all things originate from God. In other words, there is mutual dependence.

The man leads the woman, but the woman gives birth to the man. Don't think that this means because there is authority and submission that there is inequality spiritually, that there is inequality humanly, that there is inequality personally. There is not.

There is not. Beautiful interdependence. What is distinct are the roles, not the intelligence, not the spiritual capability, not the mental capability, not the social capability, not the wisdom, but the roles. So Christian women must not think that their equality in spiritual standing before God and their great freedom in Christ has obliterated God's created and sustained and spiritually beneficial design for them. Now a key point from today's lesson was this, that men and women are spiritually equal. They have the same value to God, and yet He designed them for different roles. And so with that in mind, John, what are some practical ways churches and Christian families can honor the dynamic roles that God has given women, both at church and in the home?

Well, there's no shortage of information about what the Bible says men are to do. They are to lead. They are to teach.

They are to take oversight. They are to be in the headship of the home. God is the head of Christ. Christ is the head of the man.

The man is the head of the woman. I mean, it's not confusing, which doesn't put the woman in any second class situation, because in Christ there's neither male nor female. But it simply understands that there is an ordained design by God that makes everything that marriage should be a possibility. For example, there are the roles that the man plays which provide provision, protection, care, safety, hope for the future, security. And the woman provides the comfort, the compassion, the child-rearing intimacy, all of those things.

It's just a magnificent and glorious dual role. And the fact that there are differences is actually clear from biology, even apart from Scripture, right? Yeah, you know, this is not clear to this culture we live in today. They want to deny it. Well, they flatly do deny it, as if sexual identity is something that you decide. I noticed the other day in the state of California, they want to pass a law that if a child is born with some malformation of their organs, there's a surgery that has always been done in America to correct that, because you can't change the chromosomes, so they know they're either a male or a female.

They're going to make it against the law to do that, because the child needs to make that decision on its own when it gets older. The idea of confusing the sexes is that the very basic reality of God's creation strikes a blow against his intention. We need to do everything we can to be sure that men are men and fathers are fathers and women are women and they are mothers, and they fulfill the divine roles.

I want to make a suggestion. We have a wonderful little book called, it's a gift book called The Extraordinary Mother. I think we're sneaking up on Mother's Day here, so we would just let you know. You can order some of these beautiful little gift books, The Extraordinary Mother, and pass them out to the mothers you know, or even get them for the mothers in your church.

Free shipping on U.S. orders. Right, and the title again, The Extraordinary Mother. To order one or more copies to encourage the moms in your life—this makes a great Mother's Day gift—contact us today. Place your order online at gty.org or call our toll-free number, 800-55-GRACE. The Extraordinary Mother costs $9 in hardcover and shipping is free.

To receive The Extraordinary Mother in time for Mother's Day, I encourage you to place your order right away. To get a copy for your wife or your mom, call today, 800-55-GRACE or go online to gty.org. And remember, while you're at our website, gty.org, there are thousands of free resources there that will help you grow spiritually. You can read three different daily devotionals written by John, or check out our recent blog series on God's Compassion. You can also watch videos from John's conference appearances or download any of John's sermons, including every lesson from his current series on the fulfilled family. All of that and more is free of charge at our website, gty.org. Now for John MacArthur and the Grace To You staff, I'm Phil Johnson saying thanks for starting your week with Grace To You, and join us at the same time tomorrow when John continues to look at a biblical pattern for wives. Don't miss the next half hour of unleashing God's truth, one verse at a time, on Grace To You.