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One Change = Better Life: Brant Hansen

Family Life Today / Dave & Ann Wilson, Bob Lepine
The Truth Network Radio
June 21, 2024 5:15 am

One Change = Better Life: Brant Hansen

Family Life Today / Dave & Ann Wilson, Bob Lepine

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June 21, 2024 5:15 am

Could there be one thing in your life blinding you from living in freedom? After unearthing that 'one thing,' Brant Hansen goes further to talk about elusive forgiveness and letting go of intractable anger. What's that 'one thing' you could be missing to make your life better?

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Connect with Brant Hansen and catch more of his thoughts at and on Instagram @branthanse

And grab Brant's book, "Unoffendable: How Just One Change Can Make All of Life Better (updated with two new chapters" in our shop.

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Be intentional at the beginning of the day.

I'm not going to be shocked by the same people doing the stuff they do. Second thing, question your anger. What's really going on? Thirdly, I have remind yourself of the limits of your own knowledge. Fourthly, if you're a praying person, pray for the people you are angry with.

Pray for them to have peace. Welcome to Family Life Today, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I'm Shelby Abbott, and your hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson. You can find us at

This is Family Life Today. Well, today we get to hear part two of a talk that Brian Hanson gave on the Love Like You Mean It cruise, and we ended yesterday in the middle of his talk that he gave on the cruise on forgiveness, on being unoffendable. This is from his book, Unoffendable. Oh, and it's literally life-changing thinking and action. So if you haven't listened to that, as Dave said, go back. He gave this talk on the Love Like You Mean It marriage cruise back in February. Yeah, last February.

Yeah. Maybe you're thinking, should we do that? Maybe you haven't heard about it, and maybe you've been wanting to do it, so let us give you a little incentive. And by the way, the answer is yes, you should do it.

We'll be there with you, and it's life-changing. It's great. It's a great, great week. So there's a Seize the Savings Sale. Can you say that again? I want to hear that again. Seize as an S-E-A.

Seize the Savings Sale that's going on to the 25th, and if you go to, you can use a promo code SEASE25, and you'll save big. So I really hope that you'll sign up, because every single marriage needs renewal, needs romance. We need to laugh.

We need to get off on these ports of call. And eat great food. Yes.

Really great food, and great music, and comedians, and illusionists, and David and being crazy. So all that stuff. And by the way, some of you are like, I don't do the internet. I'd rather make a phone call.

So if you want to sign up, you can call 855-208-8822. So let me ask you, yesterday, after listening to Brant give the first part of this talk, were you convicted at all? No, I wasn't convicted. I was reminded of how important forgiveness is, and I was reminded that, you know, when I went on the journey decades ago, in my 30s, to forgive my dad, it was a life-changing moment. Not just for me, because it was a journey. I mean, I didn't forgive him in a day or a week, but over like a three or four year period. And I needed to, but I didn't know at that moment that that choice, and it's a choice, to forgive my dad set me free, and that freedom was gonna be passed down into our legacy.

My boys, I think, are different men now, because their dad, me, forgave their grandpa. I totally agree, and you, like, you're more spiritual than I am. Like, that's a big thing. Mine is, I look at Facebook or Instagram, and like, these people are crazy. What is happening? And I get judgmental of the things that they say. Like, what is happening? I can go there, and so when I listened to that, I was super convicted. About being offended.

By being offended by people, the things they do, the things they say, especially in the name of Christ. I'm like, come on, people. So, this was really good for me. All right, so you're gonna hear part two of Brant Hanson's talk, and we're gonna let you hear it right now.

I got a vision of this, like, why we should be thankful. My wife, Carolyn, and I, with our son, he was about this tall. I don't know if he's nine, but she's like, hey, we need to get him. He's a bookworm.

Like me, he's a nerd. And she's like, we need to get him into some sports. I was like, yes, sports. So, I said, Justice, we're gonna get you into some sports. He's like, why?

Because this is America, young man. So, we signed him up for flag football, and his team was named the Rams, and they didn't have a coach. And so, we went to the first practice.

I was dropping him off, and there's all these other teams spread out. They all had matching, you know, shirt colors and stuff. And I could see over here, the yellow team was already doing drills, and they had seven assistant coaches, and they already had electronic things. I'm not kidding.

It was unbelievable. Like, they're out there doing stuff. Like, this team's like, we're trying to get the ball inflated over here. No coach. I'm not doing it. My wife said, please, could you coach? I'm like, I don't want to. I'm not gonna be good at it. I don't have time. Park District called me. We still don't have a coach.

Mr. Hanson, could you please coach us? Nope. Nope. Nope.

Nope. I went back to the next practice. Still no coach, and I'm playing catch with this little kid named Jared. He's like, this tall, this stringy hair, and he's throwing a ball to him, and he's like, hey, are you gonna be our coach? I was like, nope. No, sir. He stops with the ball.

I'm not kidding. He's like, well, can I at least call you coach? Because I've always wanted to call somebody coach.

Look at how brother. So I come home dragging all these footballs and stuff and pylons. Coach the Rams. I coach 0-12. 0-12. We did not, and I'm not exaggerating on this at all.

None of this is an exaggeration. We did not score. So like my offensive coordination was offensive. It was. It really was.

It was. Zero points. The 13th game. We have one game left. We are abominable. Our kids know that. None of us are great.

I don't know what I'm doing. They're bad. Last game of the season was against the yellow team with all the assistant coaches, and they were 12-0. And I'm like, oh my goodness. We're gonna get murdered. Our last game of the year.

Like how fun. They kicked off to us. Last game of the year. Kicked off and a kid named Christian on our team. Again we have not scored all year. Kid on our team picks it up after a couple bounces and weaves his way all the way back to the house for touchdown. We're up six to nothing.

And I'm like, this is gonna be one of those Christian movies. Coach of the year. Final score was 72-6.

I kid you not. They rang up 72 unanswered on us. And the game ended. And when the game ended our kids like, well we finished 0-13.

You know it's like, well guys you tried really hard. And I forgot that one of the moms was arranging for a party afterward. I did not see this coming. On to the grass came a white stretch limousine. Like drove on to the grass and it had Rams flags on the front. And our kids just finished 0-13.

We're horrible. And they see this limo and they're like, is that for us? Like yes. Mrs. Doggerdoss like arranged this party. And so we're going to the pool. We're gonna get pizza and everything.

But that is for you. And the chauffeur gets out. Like opens the door. And the kids like, oh my goodness. They run. They're giggling like kids.

Not losers. They're giggling and high-fiving. They're jumping in. You can hear them. Like, oh my goodness. And that limo pulls away.

I can just see the yellow team like, what? The neat thing honestly, I really did think this in the moment. But I saw that limo pulling off of the 0-13 team celebrating.

And I was like, that's the best picture of the kingdom of God I've ever seen in my life. I mean we bumble and limos coming anyway. I'm gonna prepare a place for you. I know who you are.

And I want to be with you. That's amazing. And I feel like if we live in light of that gratitude, that deep gratitude, that security, we can start to extend forgiveness to other broken humans. This is a marriage thing too. It's a kid thing too.

And if someone's gonna ask me, should I not be angry with my kids? I think you should work on that. So that you're not responding out of anger. But you're doing the right thing to enforce what you need to enforce. But it's not out of anger. It's because this is the way it's gonna be.

And I'm rooting for you. But here's the rules. That's a much better way of parenting.

It's a much scarier way of parenting. Because they're like, they can't get you. But you're calm, cool, and you make the call. This is the way it's gonna be. In marriage, having a huge well of forgiveness to draw on is invaluable. My wife knows this. Like we both know. We all know this.

It's every day. But we grow in this. This will change your character. Once you start doing this, immediately you'll still have immediate reactions. After a while, when somebody cuts you off, you've disciplined yourself so much it's not going to take you off anymore.

You become a different sort of person. It's called spiritual formation. It's called becoming more like Jesus. Actually doing the stuff He told us to do.

This is a good thing. This is Family Life Today, and we've been listening to a portion of Brandon Hansen's talk on the Love Like You Mean It cruise just back in February. I tell you what, he's just talking about stuff right where we live. We all struggle with bitterness and being offended by people and being hurt by people.

And he's saying, man, God uses our choice to forgive to grow us spiritually. That's true. That's good thinking. And we need to hear more of it.

So let's go back to Brandon Hansen. So we have time I'm sure. Any other questions or any thoughts? How would you handle, which I have a lot of, a reaction with a reaction? It's one of my biggest flaws that I feel a negative reaction and I'm going to give a negative reaction. Yeah, I understand.

I don't have many flaws but that's it. His wife wants the microphone for rebuttal. I love that. She has a reaction.

Yeah, he was saying what do I do about like reactions to reactions. Again, I think this is, I think this is a practice. And I think you can arrest those cycles. My wife's really been good about this lately. We've been married 33 years. And thank you. Thank you. Thanks. This applause for my wife.

But Caroline, I've been married for 33 years but she's been really good. The last few years about arresting this cycle, she can tell we're going into that mode again. Where we argue about the same thing every time. It's the same way. And then we argue about how we're arguing.

And then like, but you said, but the tone of, and then you, but you're the one that got sarcastic first and then, but just stopping it. Well, you know what? Just have fun. Can we skip this?

And I think you can do that. And look, I'm just learning this after 33 years and it's been helpful to go, actually I'm not gonna let us do this. Us. We're not doing this. So Caroline and I just started ballroom dance lessons recently.

I'd like to try it in this environment. But it's kind of neat because we're doing something together and you can, one of us can mess up, but we're both rooting for us to get this right. That's kind of a neat analogy for marriage. Like we're just, just us. Let's go through this evening without that happening again. Let's stop it here. Let me say something kind in this moment because a gentle answer will turn away both of our wrath right now.

Like especially if you've been married a while, you know this doesn't need to happen. This is dumb. Let's just enjoy this. But it's wild. It's been this long for us to, so it's not like we're on this mountain of, we know, like, but we're just learning that. All right, Rach here. Brant? Yeah. I love what you're talking about. I love your books and I've heard your podcasts on family life and I agree with what you're saying and it's helped, you know, my husband and I in our marriage, but I think there's different levels of anger due to trauma that occurs to people and it happened to my daughter in college.

She was sexually assaulted. Sure. And I think you need to acknowledge that sometimes we need Christian counselors. Oh sure, absolutely.

We do need Christian counselors. To work through the anger because I don't think we know how to work through it if we've been traumatized. The fight or flight. Right. Exactly. Trauma can occur.

Yes. Oh totally. I've been through it actually. My entire upbringing. So when I'm talking about it for myself, like having to forgive my dad. So my dad's a pastor and very fundamental Bible, this sermon on Sunday mornings, sermon on Wednesday night, sermon on Sunday night, sermon, sermon, sermon. Also philandering, also violent in our home.

Big guy, 6'3". Scary. I thought we were gonna die. Like so all growing up. They got divorced finally in middle school. I was happy but then we had to leave our home and have a house and at least have peace and then they got remarried to each other over my objections. I begged, please don't, because I knew he was a fraud, but they did. A year later they got divorced again. We were humiliated in our family. I literally just grew up so nervous I thought we're gonna die. I'm big on counseling.

I love it. That the work is done after you realize I have to get past this anger. Once you realize you have to get past it, rather than saying I need to hang on to this for the rest of my life. And the counseling would be helpful. Like how in the world do I move past this?

How do I extend this? I tell a story in Unoffendable about a guy who had 11 members of his family killed at the same time in Cambodia. He survived because they thought he was dead. They threw him into the same hole. He had to crawl out at night. He went on a vengeance tear but then he became a believer and he realized I have to actually forgive these people.

It's very difficult right off the bat. It takes time but it's the willingness to let go of that right to anger is what I'm talking about. So Rachel Denhollander is someone else I quote in the book. She was one of the victims of Larry Nassar at Michigan State, the gymnastics doctor. So she was abused by him. Well she gets up in the court says I forgive you but justice has to happen and my forgiveness is an act of my my heart saying in light of what God's done for me I have to let go my anger against you but the justice will take its course.

She's a lawyer by the way. Brilliant. So I do think even in cases of extreme crime, extreme trauma, extreme like it's still the best thing for us to let go of anger rather than have to do it the rest of our lives and counselors can be incredibly helpful and in fact absolutely necessary and in situations like that. Whoa. One last question back here Brent. Yeah. Yeah so I am a Christian counselor and I'm also a certified anger management person so I spend more time with couples teaching them how to release anger and how to extend forgiveness but I do teach this what's good about anger. I want to see what you think. As a normal human emotion I think it tells us what we care about like if I have a couple and she says I'm angry with him I'm like good because you still care so and anything that violates the righteousness that God has placed in our heart there is this normal anger kind of feeling that comes with that and I think the second thing see see what you think I think anger can motivate us to change I think it'll oftentimes if it is starving children or abortion or sexual assault we can not respond in the wrong way not respond in anger but the feeling of anger can cause us to go out and make change. I totally appreciate that that's the normal way of thinking about I get it I just can't find that in the Bible I know it seems extreme but like I think that's for a reason again it happens to us but we are supposed to get rid of it today it's a burning fire repeatedly in Scripture like so I'm it's natural and it's a good warning like to say why what's really going on here I do agree with that with that in mind I want to do one more thing before we're done how to actually do this because this this kind of intersects with what you're talking about and no one can read this font now that I think about it I'm sorry about that because people like yeah that sounds like a really good idea but come on like no this can become a way of life some ideas be intentional at the beginning of the day I'm not going to be shocked by the same people doing the stuff they do so there's intentionality to beginning of the day as a disciple of Jesus this is the way I'm going to live second thing which gets it what you're saying question your anger what's really going on why do I feel threatened about what is happening in our marriage what's the threat that's good that's good to analyze why am I responding this way I think it's totally a great idea thirdly I have remind yourself of the limits of your own knowledge we talked about that humility about what we know and what we don't fourthly if you're a praying person I wrote this to a group of people not all believers if you're a praying person pray for the people you are angry with pray for them to have peace or do something kind for them this will arrest your anger very quickly if you bless your enemies somebody you're frustrated with you do something nice that's love that's remarkable this is family life today and we've been listening to Brant Hanson give a talk that was from the love like you mean it marriage cruise and man this is so good I think this part when Jesus says to bless those who hurt you that is otherworldly isn't it that's supernatural it is the natural is to curse those that hurt you not literally curse them but you know they get you you get them back it's super now it's beyond what we can even do in our own strength to bless our enemies I remember having heard this talk soon after we got home from the cruise and we had to go to a funeral from a very wonderful lady and I was sitting there and somebody came in that I was really mad at because they had hurt you all I could think of was Brant's words not Brant's words Jesus words but Brant had already convicted me I need to bless him I need to be kind to him I need to be loving to him and this is where the power of the Holy Spirit comes into play because it becomes an act of obedience Lord bless them Lord help me to be kind you know it is true that you've been on that journey I've been on that journey and what Brant said they're really at the end about anger hmm I mean you know we've written about this but I carried a lot of anger around in my life that I sort of lashed out on you and even on the boys and they were little toddlers then not inappropriate anger but yeah anger that was displaced displaced and stronger than it should have been and I had never connected it to this is connected to your relationship with my dad mm-hmm and I needed to forgive my dad and again I didn't even realize that as I went on that journey to forgive my dad it was not an easy journey it was a struggle but as I got to the point where I realized God had done spiritual surgery on my own heart and softened a hardened heart to be soft and to love my dad I was able to release that anger not that I never have anger anymore but it's not inappropriate it's not out of out of whack it's not like the day you came out and I had a what was it a sledgehammer pounding on the on the lawnmower because it wouldn't start and you're like okay you got problems dude you're beating your lawnmower because it won't start this is not a gas problem in your lawnmower this is a heart issue I couldn't even see it but that's what Brant's getting at it's like man when you live offended all the time you're an angry person when you allow God to do a supernatural work in your own heart to help us be unoffendable we release anger and we're the kind of husbands and dads and wives and moms that our kids want to be around and you don't want to pass that on to your kids okay I've got a little homework for us tonight whether you're by yourself get with a friend if you're married with your spouse and if you have a family of kids old enough to be able to have this conversation I think this would be a great dinner question what offends you what's going on in the world today or in school or on sports teams or with friends or work that you're offended by it I think that'd be a really good conversation but then you have to go a little deeper in that how do you think they could go deeper well I mean I think identify it maybe even write it down and then talk about it you got to talk about it yeah because the thing we do is we hold it and then as we hold it we play out scenarios in our head what we'd like to say or do this person and it just leads us to a dark place you need to talk to your spouse I would say guys talk to another guy women talk to another maybe couples talk to couples and say here's some I'm holding on to I need to talk about this so that I can release this and become unoffendable wouldn't it be cool I have this picture as a family of like all of us at a dinner table praying like who do you need to pray for somebody that's offended you and then as a family be praying for our hearts and for the hearts of those that we've been offended by or that have offended us that'd be a great assignment tonight don't wait till tomorrow start that conversation hey see you next year on the 2025 love like you mean it very cruise I'm Shelby Abbott and you've been listening to David and Wilson on family life today with Brant Hansen from the love like you mean it marriage cruise I love the Wilsons aren't they just the best you know we heard from Brant today and he's actually written a book so if you want to dive deeper into this subject of being unoffendable he's actually written a book called unoffendable how just one change can make all of life better so you can get your copy right now of Brant's book by going online to family life today calm or you can find it in our show notes or just give us a call and request your copy at 800-358-6329 again that number is 800 F as in family L as in life and then the word today and we've been talking all week about the love like you mean it marriage cruise because we've been listening to messages from the 2024 love like you mean it marriage cruise and right now you can book and save during our sees the savings sale say that five times fast for the 2025 marriage cruise again it's coming up next year the promo code to use to save big on the love like you mean it marriage cruise for next year is C's 25 s e a s 2 5 you can head over to family life today calm and click on the love like you mean it marriage cruise banner to learn more now this sale is gonna end on June 25th so talk it over with your spouse hop online quickly and book your stateroom for next year the love like you mean it marriage cruise is a getaway for married couples looking for renewal and romance and memory building and most importantly reconnection with God so again you can learn more at family life today calm just click on the love like you mean it marriage cruise banner now coming up next week how do we overcome the bitterness that we can feel inside toward events circumstances or other people well pastor and author Stephen Byers is going to be here with David Wilson to talk about the power in lamenting learning to forgive and helping others to do the same that's next week we hope you'll join us on behalf of David and Wilson I'm Shelby Abbott we'll see you back next time for another edition of family life today family life today is a donor supported production of family life a crew ministry helping you pursue the relationships that matter most
Whisper: medium.en / 2024-06-21 07:34:52 / 2024-06-21 07:45:10 / 10

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