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Setting Sail for Marital Success: Bryan & Stephanie Carter

Family Life Today / Dave & Ann Wilson, Bob Lepine
The Truth Network Radio
June 19, 2024 5:15 am

Setting Sail for Marital Success: Bryan & Stephanie Carter

Family Life Today / Dave & Ann Wilson, Bob Lepine

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June 19, 2024 5:15 am

Picture this: lounging on a boat with endless food and drinks, just you and your spouse. Sounds dreamy, right? Bryan and Stephanie give you a sneak peak on what to expect from the 2025 Love Like You Mean It cruise. They also chat about marriage tips, like why respect and open communication is key for a strong relationship.

Show Notes and Resources

Connect with Bryan Carter and catch more of his thoughts at concorddallas.org/meet-our-pastor, and on Instagram @mrbryanlcarter

Want to hear more episodes by Bryan and Stephanie Carter, listen here!

Discover the secret sauce of great marriages and the importance of respect and communication in relationships. Join the Love Like You Mean It marriage cruise for 2025! Promo code: "SEAS25" for discounts

Find resources from this podcast at shop.familylife.com.

See resources from our past podcasts.

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Help others find FamilyLife. Leave a review on Apple Podcast or Spotify.

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We all have a story. My story growing up with my parents. My parents were unique because they live in a day where they did everything together. My father would take my mother to the grocery store. He would let her off and he'd go park in the parking lot and wait on her to finish and then come up and get the groceries. I just remember all this togetherness. So even when we got married, I would say, hey, babe, you want to go to the store together? No, you can go to your store by yourself.

I said, no, that's not how it works. This is Family Life Today where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I'm Shelby Abbott and your hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson. You can find us at familylifetoday.com.

This is Family Life Today. So, you know, I thought of a song. It just came to me.

And let's see how it goes. I want to encourage our listeners to sign up for next year. So it's something like, sign up now and you can be going on the love like you mean it, Cruz. Remember the Beach Boys? Yeah. Get out your computer and go sign up for the cruise, on the cruise, on the cruise.

You can be sitting in the sun with cool dudes like us. Oh, am I supposed to sing it? You gotta sing something.

You can hear all the marriage advice, go to the talks. Every night you gotta sign up for the love like you mean it, Cruz. That was so bad, but so funny. You think they'll keep that? No, I don't think they will either. Probably not, but hey. That's what happens when you don't plan what you're going to play and you just play it and try to stick words into it. But hey, the idea. The idea is there.

Yeah. What's the idea? The idea is the love like you mean it marriage cruise that we put on every year at Family Life. It's time to sign up and we have some special deals and promotions going on.

And today we get to hear one of those messages. Oh, we got to say, you got to go to familylifetoday.com to sign up. Yes.

So that's where you go. And you know that little fun we just had? That's not even a glimpse of the fun you'll have on the cruise. How about that?

You talk about music, it's real music with real singers and real musicians, comedians. But what happens every evening is a keynote marriage talk and there's breakouts during the day. There's ports of call. You get to get off the boat if you want. But we're going to hear a message that we heard from last year's Love Lake Community Cruise in 2024 from Brian and Stephanie Carter.

Yesterday you heard sort of a half of that message. These are our friends. We love them. He's a pastor. Brian's actually on the board for Family Life. Yeah. And they talked yesterday and today about the secret sauce of marriage. And if you missed yesterday, I'll just give you... Of great marriages. Of great marriage.

Yeah. The secret sauce of great marriages. I'll give you what it is. It's respect. So what is respect? If you don't know, listen to yesterday.

And if you want to find out what it looks like, listen to today. And you may be thinking, because we've heard so often in the past that a man needs respect, but a woman needs respect as well. We all need respect. We all need respect. And so they get into... What's it look like?

Yeah. And how to do it and how not to do it. So here you are, Brian and Stephanie Carter. The words that we share to one another, they matter. The words that we share to each other, either they're going to build up the relationship or they're going to tear down the relationship.

How we say it and the way in which we say it and what we say, all of those things matter. And they help us build, they help us construct the relationship that we all long to have. So it's incredibly important that we learn how to speak the truth and love. How we learn how to talk openly and honestly. That we learn how to share our hearts with one another.

Because all of these are ways in which we respect one another. I respect you enough to share with you how I feel about you, how I value, or how that situation made me feel. One of the things I've had to grow in as a man is particularly sharing my feelings. I've always struggled to try to get to the heart of it.

I just want to stay surface. But if I'm going to respect her, my wife has the gift of asking questions. She has a spiritual gift and she helps me to ask the questions. And when she asks the questions, I'm learning how to be more transparent and how to be open and how to share my heart. Because she wants to know really how I'm feeling. She doesn't want to know just what was on the meeting or how things want.

She wants to know how am I feeling, how am I managing those things, and how am I processing what's happening in our lives. At the same time, we talk about words. It's not just about sharing our feelings. It's not just about sharing where we are, but it's also about avoiding those things that can tear down a relationship. It's about avoiding put downs and name calling and angry outbursts or not listening to each other or abusive attitudes or the attitude that I'm better than you and that you're lucky really to have me. It is this position of pride that can sometimes begin to devalue our relationship. But the more that we value one another with our words, the more that we affirm each other, the more that we have honest conversations with each other, the more that we communicate how much we care, the more that we work through conflict together, the more productive and the more fruitful our relationships can be and become.

You kind of look at it like this. Your words are either building your relationship or breaking your relationship. And so perhaps that's why the Lord allowed us to be in our little rooms together at this cruise, right? Because now you're getting a chance to kind of reset your relationship.

You're getting the chance to kind of reconnect and rediscover the incredible gift that God gave in your life that you now can share your life with. Here's the final piece. Respect my story. Do you recognize, friends, that every single one of us has a story? You find this in John chapter 4 when Jesus meets this woman by the well. This woman, she goes in the heat of the day because she really doesn't want to deal with anybody else. She has a back story to her life. She's been through a number of relationships. But when Jesus talks to her, he doesn't put her down. He doesn't look at her to rock at her away.

No, he shares with her. He has a conversation with her. And by the time he gets done in her conversation with her, that woman runs back to the village and begins to tell everybody about Jesus Christ. Friends, there is something about someone when they respect your story and respect your journey that helps you to find a level of comfort, a level of safety that can be transformative to your life. Every single one of us in this room has a story. Every single one of us has a journey. Every single one of us has been through our own share of highs and lows.

And what you need from your partner is the ability to respect my story. My wife has a story in her own story about how she grew up. So I grew up as a military child.

My dad's a retired colonel in the Air Force. So we moved every two to four years. So we lived everywhere from Nairobi, Kenya.

He worked for the U.S. Embassy. I was three. I was five. And we left when I was seven to Austin, Texas, to Oscoda, Michigan, you name it. So my parents were very career driven. I remember my parents both getting their graduate degrees at the same time.

It just was very hectic. They kind of lived two separate lives. And I remember in our premarital counseling, I told him, I said, both of us cannot have two demanding jobs because growing up in a household where both my parents were each competing and each trying to pursue their own things, a lot of things were dropped off and left off.

And I did not want that for our family. So fast forward to he becomes a senior pastor. Now, I'm on my career path. I'm living my best teacher life. And as a teacher, you're kind of like a teacher. Then you're an instructional specialist.

Then you're a vice principal and then you're a principal. And so I was on my phase of being an instructional specialist when he was called to be the senior pastor. And I remember I kept feeling like I can still do this.

I can so do my my little educational journey and still be there for you and be there for our young children. And God showed me quickly and reminded me, remember what you said in premarital, that you both cannot have two demanding jobs? And so my story, the story that I thought I was going to have, God had something better. God showed me a new story and I had to adjust to that. And I wanted, I think the one thing as I was going through that was, does he see me and does he recognize that my story is about to change?

And when he did see it, he didn't see it initially. He was like, what are you complaining about? You get to stay home with the girls? I was like, yeah, but you're living your best preacher life and I'm here with the girls. And you're in seminary and you leave when it's dark and you come home and it's dark.

And I have neighbors giving me mean looks because our grass is really tall. But I wouldn't change that story for the world. And initially when I was going through it, I kept feeling like, does he see me, Lord? Does he see my sacrifices? Does he see the sacrifices that we're making for our family? But then the Lord convicted me and said, Stephanie, I see you and I need you to stop reminding Brian to see you.

And I need you just to have faith in what Brian is, what I'm doing in y'all's lives. We all have a story. My story, growing up with my parents, watching my mom and dad. My dad was in the military.

And so when he retired, they bought a home in Oklahoma City and began their lives there. I was the baby boy. My brothers are nine, eleven years older than I am. The baby boy back here, they say I was spoiled.

I told them I was blessed. But I mean, just growing up, watching my mom and dad go through some challenge. I remember the time when they almost got divorced, but instead they chose to stay together.

I just remember watching them. My parents were unique because they live in a day where they did everything together. My father would take my mother to the grocery store. He would let her off and he'd go park in the parking lot, went on her to finish and then come up and get the groceries. I just remember all this togetherness. So even when we got married, I was like, hey, babe, you want to go to the store together?

They said, no, you can go to your store by yourself. I said, no, that's not how it works. That's not what I saw. I saw I saw this relationship. I saw this connection. And so we had a story.

We had a story. I watched my dad just faithfully love my mom. I watched my dad.

He had rose bushes in the backyard. He cut one off and said, go in there and take that to your mother. He he was a very masculine man, but he loved my mom. He came from a home where he had seen alcoholism and had seen his father that had chased women. He had seen a lot of different things, but something changed in his heart and in his mind. And he said he wanted to do life differently.

And it was watching him that transformed. Everybody got a story. Some of us have grown up. I grew up in the inner city and she grew up in the suburbs. And we we all of us have these stories, these parts that make up who we are.

I was a very sickly child, an asthmatic through much of my early elementary years. So all of these parts of the journey helped shape us into who we are. Some of us have been exposed to infidelity and prior relations.

Some of us have other issues. And so we have all these dynamics that shape our story. But when we come together, we must learn how to respect each other's story, respect the family values that have shaped one or respect the family values have shaped another. That none of our stories are better than each other's.

No, they're just different. And by God's grace, God often puts two incredibly different people together. He puts them together in relationship because he wants us to know that our relationships only work because he's in the relationship. It is his story that intersects with our stories that allows our story to come into the story he has for us. We have to respect our story, our journey and all that God has been doing in our lives. Friends, at some point in the journey of life, sometimes disrespect is going to happen.

And when it happens, we just want to offer just a couple of ways. How do you manage through a moment of disrespect? I think the first thing is you have to use your voice. And when I say use your voice, use your godly voice, not your angry voice, but use your godly voice. I think the most essential thing you can do before anything, any type of conflict is to pray about it.

You have to pray about God give me the words, God give me the patience, give me just basically give me the words. Now, listen, the person who's feeling disrespected has to share. And some key words that you need to say when you're sharing is, I feel that. You have to use your voice. Sometimes we are disrespected and they never speak up for themselves. Sometimes your husband might feel like or your spouse might feel like, oh, it's OK, I'm really good.

No, I do need to know how you feel. I need to understand before we can move forward. And then once you use your voice and share, you give them a chance to respond.

Got to give them a chance to let them say, OK, hey, how do I show up? How do I respond in this? Matthew 18, 15 through 17 gives a great framework for how we manage through these moments of conflict so that we can get to the best place. And then ultimately, we've got to decide on what are our next steps. How do we serve each other?

How do we make the adjustments so that we in turn can get to a healthy place and honor God well in the context when disrespect happens? Here's what I want you to do. If you turn to your spouse, please, just turn to your spouse.

I want you to share a couple of things I want to share with you to your spouse. You ready? All right. You got them.

Here it is. I respect your work. I respect your voice. I respect you with my words.

And I respect your story. Father, I come right now praying for the couples in this room, even right now, Lord, I pray for the value of respect. I pray for husbands and wives even right now, Lord, that you would reignite their respect in their home. I pray that you would reignite their respect in their relationship. I pray, Lord, that if there has been a matter of disrespect that has occurred, I pray, Lord, that they will share it.

That you will allow them to forgive one another and to rebuild from today. Lord, oh, how we need each other. We can't make it without each other.

We desperately need each other. So, Father, I pray right now, Lord, that you would restore, that you would strengthen, that you would heal. And, Lord, I thank you that, Lord, today we declare it before each other, that I respect your worth, that you are valuable, that you are special, that you are a gift to my life, that I respect your voice. Thank you for what you share and how you share it and the way in which your voice brings a difference in our lives. And, Lord, I respect her words and his words. Thank you for their words that they share, and thank you how much they mean to me. And then, Lord, I respect the story of my spouse. I respect her story.

I respect his story. That, Lord, you have been at work in their lives long before we ever met, and you are in work an even greater way in the days that lie ahead. Lord, we thank you.

I thank you for the spouse whose hands I'm showing. Lord God, I also pray in this room for someone in this room, Lord, that does not know you as your Lord and Savior. I pray, Lord, even this room for a brother or sister that came today or a couple that came today that may have come just to invest in their marriage. But I pray, Lord, for the one that came today, Lord, but also needs a relationship with you. I pray, God, that they would recognize even today that it is only through a relationship with you that they can find the joy that they need. They can find the hope that they need. They can find the transformation that they need.

It's only found in you. And so, Father, right now in the name of Jesus, I pray for the person today that desires to know you as Lord and Savior, that they would recognize the sin in their lives, that they would recognize the need for a Savior. And today I pray that they would say yes to you.

So, Father, we put everything in your hands, and we wait patiently and expectantly upon what you want to do in their lives. We love you, Lord. We honor you, Lord, and we trust you. And now I want to ask you, friends, today, if you would just pray this prayer after me today. Will you pray this prayer? Dear Lord, I recognize I'm a sinner. Thank you, Lord, for sending your son to die from my sins and to be raised from the dead.

I trust you as my Lord, my Savior, and my forgiver. In Jesus' name, amen. Amen. Amen.

This is Family Life Today, and we've been listening to Brian and Stephanie Carter talk on the cruise, the Love Like You Mean It marriage cruise, about the secret sauce to great marriages. What did you think of that? Well, I mean, I remember sitting there with you hearing that talk, and, you know, it's one of those moments where you sort of walk out of the theater and you're almost quiet. I mean, you're feeling moved because in some ways I didn't do that well.

In other ways you're feeling like, I want to do this better. And let me just, I'll remind you what they said in the last two days. Well, I know, because you took notes while you were there. Yeah, I've got them on my phone right now, and you tell me what you think.

Okay. One of the first things they said was, respect my worth. And Stephanie even talked about the three phrases men love to hear. I think this goes both ways for husbands and wives, but I guarantee this is true for men. I knew it was true for me.

I appreciate you, thank you, and I believe in you. Is it just as true for women? Oh, totally.

I think so. Do you want to know the part that hit me? What? Is respect my story.

Why? Because a lot of us come from stories that we don't even bring up. I feel like one of the great applications in our marriage to this is tell each other the stories, the pain points, the joy points to your story.

I don't know if you've done that. And so go back and kind of relay, these are the things that were highlights growing up, and these were the things that brought great pain. The reason I say that is because with my sexual abuse, I felt like you didn't really get it, and you didn't really appreciate it, how hard it was for me. And so that was hard. I felt like you didn't respect the gravity of my story.

Yeah, I didn't understand. I needed to learn. And I think it's important to do that with one another, that maybe no one has said to you, hey, I'm really sorry you went through that.

That must have been incredibly hard. Yeah, and I think it's also very important to ask questions from your spouse, but you might need a therapist or a counselor to help you, because that's one of the ways I was able to understand it was we read a book. Years ago by Dan Allender called The Wounded Heart, where he said this is what happens to a person's soul when they've gone through sexual abuse, and here's how a spouse can respond to that.

And it was like the lights came on. When you read Dan Allender's book, that made me feel like, wow, he gets it. He respects where I've been and where I am now, too. Yeah, so maybe if you're feeling a little bit disrespected, and maybe your spouse doesn't really understand your story, I think maybe this talk is from God to say sit down and have a conversation and maybe say, hey, can I share some things I think I need you to understand? Or maybe ask your spouse, is there anything that you feel like I have not understood or you feel disrespected by, because that respect to your story is a big deal, and it builds intimacy and oneness in a marriage if you go there. How about here's two other areas, respect my voice, ask what do you think?

If we don't respect their voice, we then minimize them. I think I did that to you. I think we were just so busy. When you have young kids, you're so busy, it's hard to even ask that question, but I'm not sure I respected your voice that much. I guess we're just having confession time here on Family Life Today. By the way, that's sort of what happens when you hear a great marriage talk, whether you're on a cruise or anywhere, it forces you to say, okay, what about us? And that's the most important thing is that you take that. I hope that happens every day when you listen to Family Life Today.

I hope God speaks through this program in a way that makes your marriage better and makes you sort of face things maybe you need to face. It could be a great application to even listen to this podcast together, even part of it, even both parts of it, but just ask, is there anything I'm doing that you feel like I haven't respected you? But make sure you do the other part, too. Tell your spouse where they're doing a great job of respecting you and really hearing you. Yeah, but as they ended, there are moments where you need to say some hard things. In other words, speak the truth in love. How it's wrapped is critical, and it's not disrespectful to speak the truth.

It's actually respectful. It's just hard to do the right way. And they sort of ended that way saying, there may need to be some hard conversations. And the key is when your spouse says something to you that's sort of speaking the truth in love, don't get defensive. Receive it.

And I'm just going to add, because this is a hard one, and I'm really glad they went there. Before you offer some truth to your spouse, pray about it. And I always say this.

You've heard me say this often. Ask God when you should say it, how you should say it, and if you should say it. And then ask him to help you to wrap your words to say it in a way that your spouse can receive it. And then don't even say anything. Let them just receive it, and then keep praying about it. Yeah, that's good advice. That's the secret sauce to great marriages.

Are you going to close us with singing again? Yeah, I'm going to say, Get out the computer. Sign up for the Love Like You Mean It cruise for 2025.

How do you do that? FameWithLifeToday.com Seriously, you don't want to hear the cruise talks next year on the radio or on your podcast. You want to be there, live and in person, sitting in the sun during the day, and then in the evenings, letting God change your marriage through talks like you just heard.

So we'll see you in 2025 on the Love Like You Mean It cruise. You know, sometimes we can slip into bad habits in marriage that become the norm. And I love the frank reminder today to avoid behaviors like put downs and angry outbursts. And instead, replace those things with encouragement and respect.

And you know what? If that feels impossible in your marriage, you're actually in a good spot because you're ready to communicate your need to God. And that's always a good place to be in when you're open-handed with God and you're like, I got nothing. You've got to show up here. That's a good spot to be in.

So go to God and ask Him for the strength to change you. Start with you. I'm Shelby Abbott, and you've been listening to David Ann Wilson with Brian and Stephanie Carter from the Love Like You Mean It marriage cruise on Family Life Today. You know, Brian Carter has written a book called Made to Last, Eight Principles to Build Long-Lasting Relationships. You can get your copy right now by going online to familylifetoday.com. Hear more from Brian, or you can find it in our show notes. Or you could just give us a call at 800-358-6329.

Again, that number is 800, F as in family, L as in life, and then the word today. So all this week we've been listening to messages from the Love Like You Mean It marriage cruise. And we are booking right now for the 2025 Love Like You Mean It marriage cruise. It's an amazing getaway.

I've been on it myself. It's for married couples looking for renewal, romance, lifelong memories, relaxation, and most importantly, reconnection with God. Right now you can book and save during our SEAS, S-E-A-S, SEAS the Savings Sale.

I did pretty good mentioning it without stumbling over my words. You can use the promo code right now, SEAS, S-E-A-S, 25, to save big on a stateroom for the 2025 cruise. Now the sale is going to end on June 25th, so you can learn more at familylifetoday.com.

Or again, you can give us a call at 800-358-6329. Or you can just check out the link in the show notes. Again, you can head over to familylifetoday.com and click on the Love Like You Mean It marriage cruise banner to learn more. Now coming up tomorrow, we get to listen to one of Family Life Today's favorites, Brant Hansen. We're going to hear a message from him that he gave at the Love Like You Mean It marriage cruise this year when he talks about exploring the transformative power of forgiveness by being unoffendable. That's coming up tomorrow. We hope you'll join us. On behalf of Dave and Anne Wilson, I'm Shelby Abbott. We'll see you back next time for another edition of Family Life Today. Family Life Today is a donor-supported production of Family Life, a crew ministry helping you pursue the relationships that matter most.
Whisper: medium.en / 2024-06-19 12:20:37 / 2024-06-19 12:31:55 / 11

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