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Liz Wann: When Being a Mom is Hard

Family Life Today / Dave & Ann Wilson, Bob Lepine
The Truth Network Radio
May 19, 2022 10:00 pm

Liz Wann: When Being a Mom is Hard

Family Life Today / Dave & Ann Wilson, Bob Lepine

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May 19, 2022 10:00 pm

Is it possible to thrive in the mundane -- when being a mom is hard? Dave & Ann Wilson host author Liz Wann, who talks about rest, critical camaraderie, & making disciples in simple moments.

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Jesus really models rest and I feel I can his ministry.

He really shows a good balance firm. All of us but definitely mom's sacrifice and service but also rest just you know him going off and leaving and praying to the father taking a nap in a boat he didn't go and visit every single towns.

That means he had to say no to some things you know him and bracing limitations because he was also fully human. Welcome to family life today where we want to help you pursue the relationship that matter most time and Wilson Wilson. You can find us if we live or on our family life, family life today. Okay I got a question for you as a mom, do mom's ever rest now.

How did you know I didn't say anything about oxymoron bombs and rest there so many things. It depends on what your definition of rest would be. There's a lot but my first instinct was we as moms we just go we do and I think there's an art of learning how to rest and it's hard yet. I just know I'm looking at a mom you yes that never rest I'm the only way you rest as I get you in a car and remove you from the house take me to the movies. Yeah, I mean it's like you will not even sit down at our house will have kids there anymore dog we have just us and you're always moving it. I'm not saying dads don't do that as well, but I've noticed mom's congenitally special when you have little kids there constantly on the go costly on the go and they need help to understand how to rest and we get help for them. Today we got was one of the studio who wrote a book about motherhood in it and even respite.

Liz welcome back.

I think that we had was here yesterday. Talk about her book the end of May which is a definition of motherhood right there and the subtitle is finding resurrection life in the daily sacrifices of motherhood and Liz, your mom, your wife, you have three kids under the age of 10.

Your writer and so you're still busy yes definitely yes I will you ever you wrote about it. But when you hear us even talking about moms and rest mobs of kids of your age that even younger than your kids talk about how do they rest do they rest do you rest your right out of your way from the faculty. This is a form you that Liz is also a homeschooling mom read another layer.

So how do you rest or do you yeah well I have to discipline myself to rest. I think in the beginning I didn't do that so well.

I had to end up realizing it.

When I had my first.

I used to feel that sometimes get really yeah I would feel guilty, like if I just want to get away for my baby for a little about feel that need to shut it.

Want to get away from my baby right you feel guilt you like to take a nap and you you're now leaving her house. Yeah, I know you going to CVS and it was like 1030 at night and I got a cart you don't usually get a cart to CVS and I'm just walking around every single aisle, thinking this is amazing and letting this life right now. But then right after that thought, I thought I should be home with the baby wakes up you know if there there taking care of everything.

I we still carry it yeah but it's amazing how CVS in the aisles at 1030 on your honeymoon. So why is rest important. I glided that become something here. If you're writing about this it's important, yes, definitely because I think it's so exhausting being a mom and just so depleting you are giving of yourself so much.

You need to refuel, recharge, you need to find your supply in the Lord.

But even another people in other relationships besides your children right yeah and just have your own network of support and relationships adults, not children. It's very important and I think you not even talk about in the book that Jesus really models rest. I feel I can his ministry. He really shows a good balance firm. All of us but definitely mom's sacrifice and service but also rest just you know him going off and leaving and praying to the father taking a nap in a boat just all these different things. He didn't go and visit every single towns.

That means he had to say no to some things you know him and bracing limitations because he was also fully human and showing us in and in that way.

How to be human to rest and you have a body. So I think just even that is just very important to see that this was modeled for us on the Bible as well. What is that look like for you when you didn't rest when I didn't rest yeah yeah why be very stressed out, which I can get that way. Even with rest are just very more little more angry. Just more uptight, more tense, I just extremely tired.

Yeah. Did you ever say no time to rest. I cut this. Yeah, I think I'm kinda rest everything around yeah I said that I do everything around getting to the martyr mode to like everything I can't rest the world would fall apart if I took some rest.

That's exactly what it is, the word martyr is very good to remember to her mother's are not martyrs to know that we do need rest and were not super mom and aunt do not feel guilty about it because if Jesus modeled it. Yeah, we need to do that. Let's talk a little bit through that you talked about having friends in the importance of having a community to be with. Maybe without your kids talk about that what that's look like in your life yeah what I mean. For me it was getting together with other moms.

I mean, sometimes with our kids present.

It is important I think that it away from them as well with other women or adults but just even talking to other moms is still helpful just to realize that you struggle with the studio are just commiserate together, or relate to one another. It's kind of than you realize. Al Qaeda's isn't that of normal to feel this star to go to this for my child to act this way.

Like their child does this, a kind that builds a camaraderie like a unity and it helps, encourage you to keep going.

You know to keep running the race and to keep persevering and make you feel like you're not alone executive. Yeah and then I know that I've had that for years with my friends or friends to hear and say oh yeah I did that rhyme belt that arrived on that and then with our group of friends we've just prayed over one another and text each other the next day. Hey, I know that was really hard what you went through yesterday with your kids. I'm praying for you.

How's it going today so there's a sense of accountability and love in that it just raised life into your soul and when you bring the Jesus aspect of friendship in it as well. Just a reminder that we need community and we need Jesus in that one time I think our kids were teenagers and I'm with a group of women that I've been doing life with and we were talking about how all we ever do is make our teenagers and our hearts for good. Like these cows are getting ready for the world and so we need to train. There's not much time left, and so the more we started listening to one another.

At the end of that conversation, we are like her both to be our kids telling them what they should be doing and what they're doing wrong and so we committed with one another. Let's go one week will meet next week. Again, let's go one week without critiquing her nagging our kids can I tell you, that was one of the hardest practices I've ever done, and it made me realize I think 98% of my communication is nagging and critiquing our teams, we should do that with her husband who did these are the line though you did anyway. But I think that's really good that you talk about the importance of resting and sometimes we rest with friends, and I think you know as a husband at least watching. Anna knows true for many of my buddies was women have a really hard time embracing that idea separating from their children for a date night or a vacation weekend without the kids talk about that for me as I think for us guys often were like oh that's a good thing. The suet, soon every guys that way. But I'd be much more apt to say okay let's schedule right now where it would be like. I don't often want most moms feel that connection. They don't want to leave him even though they would say rest is good. I need Rosen. I'm just not going to do it. You know, until five years from now when they feel like they're old enough to talk about that because moms needed but it's so hard for them to do. Yeah, I mean that's why I think it's something that I've realized he was myself all yeah let time slip by and I think I started wising up and realizing like I need to prevent that break down. I need to like put some thing like make this like the rhythm of my life. I think that's what I was thinking to myself like make this a rhythm of rest even if you have to schedule it. You know like schedule and be disciplined about it. Prioritize and say this evening we go out as a couple and that's my rest this evening. I go up on myself for go do something for myself. However, it looks practically. I mean, it is one of the 10 Commandments and God did that on the seventh day, so I think it is pretty important, so weekly that rest really is a year once it's every seven days and I'm sure just I think before, but I was you as a pastor was preaching on the Sabbath principle of rest years ago to try to do it every several years but I never forget this. I was in a meeting talk about the message I was going to give and somebody said hey you know that they rest bowling pins. IQ Liz look to me. I was ugly, semi-likely, they rest bongos they take him off the alleys, they put them on a shelf for a month they put them back on the more lifelike. That's not true I would do a bowling alley. Why because it is right across from our church.

I went over there I said hey there's a rumor out there you go. Dress the bowling pins and the guy was. Oh yeah, let me show you. I will yeah we took a camera crew over goes back there. There's this whole room goes, we take him off the alley. We put them in the shelf. They sit there for a month. That would actually gets life you put them back on the lame professional bowlers will tell you all. I just got rested pins about what he was a job they jump even you know creation needs to rest, and I just remembered I have a bowling pin in my office.

This is reminder that God created the world's way that would comes back to life with a little bit.

Russ, what about us and so is a mom or as a dad is a husband or his wife.

You take time to obey. One of the think amendments which we sorta just push away like that's a big deal if it's not a big deal would be one of the Big Ten. I mean, God said Russ is that important for a mom and I remember John Maxwell saying we change when the pain is so great.

Like when you have a heart attack you change your diet, but until then you like I should be better when a mom breaks down. Then she says I need rest and you just said we need to make that a rhythm so we don't get to the breakdown point something. There's a mom listening going.

Oh yeah I'm breaking down and I would say God saying this is a rhythm that I created for you take it you're going to mom and your kids. You think you someday even though it feels hard to pull away from them it's needed and Dave, I think that physical and that pulling away.

Rest is important, but there is also emotional rest because you might pull away but as you said we moms man we can be thinking constantly about her kids worrying about them thinking about what's going on in school and so I mean I even love, and you mentioned this as well.

Liz Philippians 4, six and seven like this. This is my first man, especially parenting and when you're worried if I were you as a mom and if you're a warrior I would put this verse in your car and put it by the sink forever. You're doing life and it says this don't be anxious about anything, despite their how you do that and then it says, but Paul says in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God and listen to this part. So now you're telling them what you're feeling like you're experiencing your praying about the things that worry you, and then the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding. This part will guard your heart and your mind in Christ Jesus list talk about that a little bit of how that is impacted you, and even that Scripture how that yeah you yeah I think just to realize that when not having peace to realize that that's something that I need to bring to the Lord and through prayer like that verse says that he has your prayer and supplication with things going just make your requests known to God. Instead of it wearing in your head or whatever is happening with your body, or whatever worries you have Ted bring them to God and to just lay them at his feet and have him help you carry the burning and he can carry the burden. Yes, I think that's discount how it's applied to me that I've also noticed that I can see it even sit in here with two moms that's easy said hard. It's hard for anybody but because it's a mother's heart just carries them. It's like there with you 24 seven and ends like percent were grandparents now so they're not in the home. She still carries that. So to be able to let go there and say okay I'm not going to worry about them. I'm going to Kassem that of the senses rest right because you're given them back to the Lord or his anyway, but it's a way to get out the Russ okay so talk about this a big part of what I've heard you write about and it is said, is the Monday notice of being a mom or being a parent really. It's just someone you know it's like there's not these highs I mean there are, but there's so few and far between. So how do we thrive. How do you thrive and talk about moms in the mundane family. I just just having to remind myself I don't do this every day to remind myself this but I do feel okay with the Monday night, like again.

I've been kinda trained by it, like okay this is where God has me like all Christians were called to the mundane and ordinary. It doesn't always look like these mountaintop high peak experiences all the time with your mundane so yeah I'm I mundane would be just I am home with my kids and so then I just preparing meals in its day. Three meals a day and then cleaning up after and just repetition.

Just a lot of repetition and then since I do homeschool that's even rep repetitive. You are going over the same lessons on preparing the night before little bit says again a lot of repetition on the same thing over or just even behavior issues again time in the same thing. Do not punch your brother please. Okay, don't do that again. You're still doing that just realizing even that's repetitive all the same behavior problems in the home that would be the mundane and even just cleaning up and doing laundry and picking up like clean up your room again.

I just clean it. Let's clean it up again. Now you guys can help me clean up the cleanup cleanup cleanup by love what you wrote. You know when you're done about the ordinary days in the Monday repetition here. Original is you wrote severely, he said what if were missing something. We need to discover how to spot these daily beauties and cherish them, because God created them. He made repetition yeah how did you discover that and are you able to do that you personally as someone in ministry who is raised financial support for over 20 years but I have found that without my ministry partners my ministry literally wouldn't happen. It is a partnership, they make it possible for ministry to have a partnership between the one who gives and the ministry of course. But it's really about partnering alongside God and entering into the joy of seeing him use something as common as money to advance his own kingdom. That's really the special part about what it means to give God use your donations for the glory of Jesus Christ. Now, in light of all that gets really good news.

We've had some friends come alongside family life and offer to double any donation that comes in this month up to $300,000 and if you become a monthly partner they will double your gift for the next 12 months. Every dollar that you give turns into two because of their generosity so you can find out you can give there or you could give us a call at 1-800-358-6329 the 2000 F's and family L as in life and in the word. Right now, back to David and with Liz lawn on the importance of finding beauty in the mundane things of life are not always able to. I do try to look there are moments in the sense really. Okay, something does really break through with my child or we have this really great conversation or he confesses something to me are as vulnerable as me or even feels free to confront me on something I think that's great to have a relationship with your child or they feel free to kind of bring something to you about how they're feeling that you did that even just moments like that are some kind of a connection like I do love to read with my kids as I make a big priority to read with them and we do want to read allows me sit on the couch and just even times, like that when just things quickly dominate and we connect and there's like, there does feel a warmth that time, times, and those mundane where it's repetitive but that's where a child's heart is being formed in their values and their moral exactly to the daily repetitive things. I mean I think about God creating Adam and Eve and he had them care and tend to the garden. I'm sure they were doing some of the same thing, but it also says in the cooler day God walked with them if you like we don't realize that in the mundane. Our hearts are being shaped and formed as well as their kids hearts and lives.

I remember this one time I had this little piece of paper that I had journaled and I share this at the weekend to remember marriage get away and it says my life is so boring I said in my next work there and it's so mundane because yesterday Cody had an ear infection and somebody got sick and Dave is out of town and I feel like I've made the same meal. A million different times and the laundry is never done in my life feels like what happened to you something like that and then I said, but then tonight, and I think we all have those, but then tonight, and I say in this that I think our oldest was five and he was crying. He's going to bed and he said just thinking about Austin and that our oldest son had just said really kind of grasp the gospel and I had been sharing. I could share with them all the time. The story of the gospel and I would start out saying God created Adam and Eve image and he walked with him and he loved them, but he also gave them a choice and so we talked about separation from God and how there was separation from God, which meant when we die we wouldn't be separated from God that I said God had a plan that he would come later as Jesus his son with the gospel and he would die for us die for our sins and seeking connected with this art. This five-year old and he said I just been praying for Austin whose three because like if he becomes an old man.

He doesn't surrender his life to Jesus and I like sharing the gospel as I'm cutting up their meat for the millionth time, like goodness, like the hunters and the things that I'm sharing they don't always hear you now and I don't even know if they understood it, but that's what's being formed the spiritual lives and hearts and emotions and values. There is beauty to that and it also glorifies God as were cleaning our toilet toilet went on thinking this is the most boring thing Lord is this what you've made me to do and then I thought of Jesus washing the disciples feet. Has there been moments in your life where you been able to do what you say in the book to step back and go.

This is a mundane, but it's a beautiful move but it's miraculous yet will I relate to your story yeah because I've had moments like that with my kids run like okay this is a little bit afraid here that I can grab on, tell like you said, the fruit of the mundane and when you see that you just grab on to that that is helpful in times you have to really look for it. Yeah, it is obvious and sons.

You have to really look for but it's there. There I would add Liz pray for and pray that God would give you ears and eyes to see what he's doing in the midst of the mundane.

Remember one night I saw your ever shared us and we wrote a parenting book did he put it in the burning book and as you're talking to mom's brought this member to my life. It was a Monday night at home on our deck with food and stuff all outward. I think we ate out on the deck and so and the boys were little and there's food everywhere and you know the dogs lick it all off, it was just a messy family night.

Like most families have with little kids in their screaming and you know move around that a member sit there with this thought like every night. This is this and we have to clean all this we go to bass we go to get them to get to bed as I was thinking that sorta I don't like my life.

I can imagine what he is feeling. She worked to make all this happen. Here's a thought that hit me last night I was in AT&T Stadium with the Detroit Lions standing on the sideline watching Calvin Johnson catch passes few feet from me. That's life. 80,000 people scream and we won the game decimal spectaculars and who wouldn't want to be on the sideline and here I am on my back deck 24 hours later with these boys and it finally hit me. It was like, what, when you said in guy give us the eyes to see. I saw them over like I am changing the Wilson legacy, which was alcohol and adultery.

And here are my boys their little precious little boys who don't have a clue yet why there on the planet but maybe one day, though, grow up and take of godly legacy to the next generation. I was able to go this moment right here is more beautiful. The stadium I was in last night and that's what we Mrs. parents and Dave.

I think that is important sometimes to get off the social media to get back in the word because it gives us perspective. That's where we find life through Jesus through the word and list. Thanks for being with us today that I just say this to you to mom's. Thank you list. Thank you. I love your home. I don't know your kids just reading your book in here and you talk and listen and for all the men at all the husbands and dads that I represent. We say thank you. I know you think you like what you do is unseen is Monday and it is you are making disciples that will change the world. Thanks for this evening Wilson with one family life today you can get her book the end of me. Family or you can pick up phone call us at one 800 358-329-2000 F is in family L as in life and in the word today.

There are a few weekend to remember events happening this weekend in Las Vegas, Nevada and Jacksonville, Florida. We love it if you take a second.

Join us in prayer for those couples who are attending in those two cities next week. Dave and Anna to be talking with Kristin Clark and Bethany feel about how to cope when life throws you a curveball. Hope you're able to worship in your local church and rejoice in the grace God gives us every moment on behalf of David and Wilson I'm shelving time for another edition of family life like today is of family life accrued ministry helping you pursue the relationship

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