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March 10, 2022 9:00 pm
How could you heal your story's brokenness so you can share it? Bestselling author Sharon Jaynes talks about how to emerge from shame --toward healing.
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The people that we choose not forgive. They don't care okay unless they don't even know what to guess.
One, because I deserve it and were not saying that what they did isn't wrong, what we are saying is working to get the Department of Justice to God and we are going to be free. Welcome to family life today where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most kind and Wilson. They will sooner you can find firstname.lastname@example.org or on our family life. This is family life today so I think I know you say boa would you say he was the lowest point of her marriage home no doubt, please.
Also yesterday or today. Our listeners would know this answer. It was our 10 year anniversary.
When I told you nothing left. I've lost all my feelings for you, and I felt my heart like I'm done. I've got nothing and I didn't even have that was 31 years ago.
Yeah. So now you think of that moment. What you think God uses that moment to catapult us into what he designed for our future, where as I look at it and I think Satan his design was that our marriage would end we would be hopeless. You would be out of ministry. That was his goal.
And God said, wait till you see what I do with the lowest point of your life. That's what I thought you say because it's interesting to think what we felt in that moment, which was absolute despair.
Dark don't know for you to make it. And even if we do make it, it'll be our little secret, it'll just stay here, that's what I thought I felt like no other people in ministry have felt this have gone through this or have failed at this so miserably that now we can look back and say God was in that moment and he actually uses still using it were sitting here right now in the studio with family life. Because of that, I don't think he said all I want this to happen is our own sin is our name is my sick mind to because I made our marriage and idol that isn't God's gracious that when we try to hide things he says let me have it and wait till you see with the miracle that I can do with it. If you let me think what we discovered and is the truth of God uses all stories returns him to a beautiful story.
If we let them do it and that sort of today were Sharon James got back in the studio.
We talked about her story yesterday was your walk back to family life today. Thanks. You are a person that we just keep having back because we relate to with what you're writing your giving listeners, especially women so much help in areas that we feel like were broken and were lost, and you give us hope in your book when you don't like your story and the subtitle is what if your worst chapters could become your greatest victories again.
You give us the home that is what you told us yesterday were all in the studio in tears with your you know Sharon, just a wintertime but your story through drinking problem in the fights that you have run into the to the corners of the home to avoid it. That is exactly my story when I was like oh my goodness with my sister. She and I would go hide away from, but we would hear the carnage out in the family room and it ended terribly, but by the end of yesterday's were like look at what got me God saved you saved your mom brought your dad to Christ they give you miss yesterday. Go listen to it.
You don't miss it.
But God took exactly you say your worst chapter and turn it into some beautiful sight to you percent you heard my story thought that's just like my story and a lot of times when I went on teaching writing to others about this or something else someone will say I feel like you're talking just to me and you know why because we all have similar stories with the same enemy that wants to tear us down in the same Savior that wants to heal us so we we do have similar stories and sharing you know that you because you've written 25 books you travel, you speak to women and are you hearing the same story that women are saying that over and over over and ever they say it.
And if someone is listening now just to know you are not alone. Whatever you've gone through that you feel ashamed that you been hiding you are not alone and that is the devil, the enemy that wants you to think you're the only one.
And by the way there's two women sit here near you talk about women feel this meant feel to yes even you say sure when you said is your dad was doing these things in your family was in just chaos.
You thought their summer with you. I felt the exact same thing when dad left. I never said it out loud.
I don't think that I was like what is wrong with me Wednesday and Dave I felt the same thing because of sexual abuse that happened to me. I remember it happening with the new person and at that .7 years old. It wasn't why is this happening to me my thought change to. There must be something wrong with me. The definition of shame yes because shame takes something happened to you and you make you all so Lisette's failure instead of a failed shame says I am a failure or when you been sexually abused and set up a little child thinking they don't have the ability to even process I someone did this to me it becomes who I am and that shame goes on to little girls and big girls act. I remember being in the car with friend Lisa one time and her little girl Brooke was about five years old in the back.
Satan broke said mommy is it worst picket mosquito bites are scabs that we should pick a day.
The one and I looked back and broken on both the mission little blood he spots on her legs and when I was thinking about that but you know little girls aren't the only ones he picks Big girls dictate what you mean by that, and we picket emotional scabs and when we do that men do it to. But why picket emotional scabs were not allowing it to heal, so to get from a place of light for me for my family. My mom and dad and myself coming to Christ, but that certainly is not the end of that story when you tell me Dave, your dad came to Christ and know we came we were little girls became big girls and we had to deal with things that happened in our lives, but how we can deal with that how the subtitle was what if your worst chapters become your greatest victories. That does not happen naturally. Some things have to happen in order for us to have what I call have a better story and mentioned this to that message yesterday.
It's not usually the whole of our story. We don't like it usually certain chapters you didn't want the chapter of but I have used that one chapter but not the whole story and it's interesting Sharon because so often the chapter out of 100 chapters that one or two chapters. It defines everything, absolutely. And there's something in the actual makeup of the brain that we remember traumatic events more than happy events, so it's just the way our brains are wired but will make it through a traumatic event, whether it happened over a period of time, or so one time event. They conform to what the Bible calls strongholds that we hold onto and stop holding on to us and we just can't seem to get free of it. Now, if you've got some trauma in your life that you feel like is defining you then their subscription need to go through in order to have a better story and mentioned to you. Note people can very easily tell you bad things that happened in their lives that they can tell you difficult to say Pat or how someone is hurt them. They could tell you about the mistakes I've made less likely to do that in order to have an effective story.
You need to be on the other side of healing to happen in a story that's really going to help someone else that's going to glorify God.
So how do we get to that place where the first thing I think we need to do today was to recognize that we have something that needs healing and God asked us. Do you want to get well, that seems like a strange question.
Of course I want to get well.
But do you really example and in John chapter 5.
Remember, Jesus goes to the pool of Bethesda and their dear man around this and women around this pool that are in firms that got all kinds of sicknesses and they believe that an angel comes down from heaven and stirs the water in the first one and gets healed so there is a man sitting there.
He's lame. He's been there for 38 years, and Jesus comes up to that man and ask him a strange question he asked him what do you well do you want to get well.
What a weird question I been here for 38 years. Of course I want to get well.
But you know what the answer Jesus, he just started making excuses. He said well from the water stirred nobodies here to help me.
It's not my fault it's other people's fault was not a discussion question not even multiple-choice, yes or no.
Do you want to get well and really did because you think if this man got where he have to make some major changes in his life he have to stand on this on to state, he have to get a job.
His life as can be radically different and this is all he had no do you want to get well what he never answer Jesus, but Jesus just told him to take up his mat and walk up and get going.
38 years sounds like a long time, but it was about 38 years. In my own life before I started really accepting the healing God wanted me to have in certain areas because of my childhood.
You think if Jesus asking Sharon do you want to get well what would you say I would not have known exactly what my sickness was that's a great point because I think a lot of people aren't aware, and I wouldn't have known God's and another woman in my life. She was an older woman in my church at the time and makes me kind of queasy saying that because now I'm her age as I was going to Bible studies and I was teaching Bible studies at the time Mary Marshall pulled me aside and she said Sharon I can need insecurity and you don't want to heal you with that she took me to a process of overcoming feelings of insecurity and inadequacy and inferiority that I felt because what the messages that I heard as a child carried senseless and you can know Jesus and vacation Bible studies and be under a cloud of shame and a cloud of feeling like you are so less than everybody else in your 38 years old and you're doing all these great things for the kingdom and you're still curing the question. What's wrong with what they hide is still there and that's what I was gonna say I think if someone had said to me, do you have shame. I would've thought no I don't I don't now I've never even thought about that and then I would list off all the things I was doing for Jesus yes yeah if you look at what are the symptoms and I think we need to do that as women maybe is meant to date. I was so insecure I had to self talk of total like your feeling your bad at this. Your ugly.
The self talk. I wasn't aware that was going on in my mind was a reflection of the shame I was carrying and I could never praise any other woman and I was in competition constantly because of my own insecurity. Those are all signs that you probably if you are anything like me, you thought, that's just too but because I've always had. Yes like this.
My husband every day when he worked. He just retired, he would get up at 530 take a shower. He would put change in his pocket put keys in his pockets. He would blow his nose and the other noises I won't get into the left that the alarm would go off that little beep, beep, and you know what I never heard it.
Why because I was accustomed to hearing every day in my mind to shut it out and we can get so used to telling ourselves lies I'm no good. I'm ugly. I can't do that. The candy that we can get so accustomed.
Telling ourselves is like that. We don't know what that's like David said awake, my soul who he is he talking to. He's talking to himself basically saying pay attention so we need to pay attention to what we are telling ourselves.
I love DL Moody once said to tell that a stick is crooked. You don't argue about it or to dance it simply like a straight stick alongside and we need to put aside what were telling ourselves along beside God's word is this true and if it is not truth it does not line up with Scripture about what God says about who we are.
We need to recheck that line and replace it with the truth so that part of that healing was do you want to get well information with Mary Marshall Young I said yes I want to overcome this. How am I going to get well and we all have to make that decision when she said do you hear Sue's insecurities did you agree to. Did you see it as well. Honestly did not really understand what my identity in Christ meant. I knew the verses that he can memorize them. But I didn't really think they were true for me. I thought that was true for other people and bottom line is we have to decide to Scott tell the truth what things in us to Scott tell the truth.
Does he tell the truth about who I really am.
As his child.
It was a learning process of a couple years honestly.
But let me say this and never wrote my first book until after that time with her line never really took being well of that saying I never struggle with insecurities again, feeling inadequate again. I still struggle with that but now I know how to fight the last with the truth and said that first step to having a better story is decided I want to get well and not knowing what happened to us to not listen is not just what happened to me the other people but it's also what had happened through me.
By the mistakes that I've made. Maybe someone had an abortion and their pastor.
Maybe they been sexually promiscuous in their pastor know they've committed a crime in their past and and I've asked that God forgive them. So it's not just what has been done to me. But making the decision. I want to bewail what you make that decision that yes that would be well and that you're willing to do the work.
The second step is to forgive those people who purchase and I'm now sitting at a college football game one time and I was sitting on the end of a row and people kept tripping on the step right beside me. They had popcorn. They had their drinks and the Tripping and spilling up a drink while it got kinda comical.the lab got hurt but time I went in and measure that staff another's land you measured, is yet why are people people tripping over the step on and it was about 1/4 inch. I now that's how forgiveness is in her life.
I think that is the step that many Christians trip ever in their stories. And yet it's what our faith is based on the health faith is based on forgiveness. And yet we struggle with forgiving other people and I love what the unit the New Testament is written in the angry Old Testament. In Hebrew, and the actual Greek word for forgiveness in the New Testament is called a CME now and it makes to let someone loose to cut someone loose to let someone go free. No MS southern nest to have a little app on my phone that helps me say these difficult words that family doesn't just roll off my tongue as I what I was say I can't say it off for me off of me. Yeah forgiveness in me. So, to forgive someone means basically to cut someone loose it forgiveness. What would be the opposite which be strap someone on several may choose not to forgive someone it slightly caring that burden of unforgiveness around with this and is such a heavy burden to carry. Before we forgive them we cut the burden loose and we let them go free.
It's interesting. I was just thinking of the Scripture that Jesus said, I have come to set the captives free. I did not write the sentence and is so great at him who said it. Forgiveness is setting the prisoner free, but realizing the prisoner was you you Lewis needs in his book, forgive or forget yeah and that is so true, isn't it another another quote is unforgiveness is like drinking the poison and waiting for the other person to die. I don't. I said that either but I mean I've been on a similar journey with forgiveness with my dad in our listeners right now is going yeah you are still part of this because this person destroy my life or do we do understand it really is hard. I was 35 before I forgive my dad I started the journey when I was like 30 and I Michael forgiving next weekend. I know this no Ephesians 432 forgive as you been forgiven offered him next week. It took me five years ago that journey you went through your own healing. So yeah just I'm sure you did the same thing. Well when I was in my 20s, I had gone to school for two years and then I went got to your degree associate screen dental hygiene and then I worked two years and I felt like I was call me back to school but I could not hear from God. I just I was praying and hitting a brick wall. The first year I felt I should get back second year same thing.
Not hearing from God and I went to one of my mentors this precious man and I said can you pray for me because I really can't get an answer on this and he read me many days verses about asking you shall receive. But when you know what he put it in context that you had it when people do that so I read the verses before and after every one of those verses had a passage of forgiveness and he said Sharon I feel like the reason you're not hearing from God is because you still have unforgiveness brought father, and even then, my dad had become a Christian. Every time he did something wrong. That anger came back and came back and that night I did forgive my father for everything you done and you know what I started hearing from God again. I knew what to do and not saying that what you forgive someone you going to strike it rich and I are trying to come to come true. But I do not have unforgiveness in our hearts that we can't hear from God.
As we should. There's a block there and you mentioned and that we don't forgive because we feel like I don't deserve it as well. Absolutely. They probably don't deserve it.
But guess what, you don't deserve it right. None of us deserve God's forgiveness and yet he forgave us and Scripture tells us to forgive as Christ has forgiven us will they might not deserve it but you sermon because the people that we choose not to forgive. They don't care okay unless they don't even know trying to punish them, but was punishing us out so it would forgive someone because I deserve it and were not saying that what they did isn't wrong, what we are saying is working to let it go going to get the burden of justice to God and we are going to be free, then they may not be, but we will have experience that you experience. But here's the thing. I know you so there's four steps going to can you do the other two absolutely. What are the what the third one is we cup forgiveness coming out of the pain place. The next one is coming out of the shame place and that like to mention sometimes it's when someone has hurt us and sometimes it's the decisions that we've made that are causing us to be stuck so receiving God's forgiveness and letting it go coming out of shame place in the fourth step is so important is what you feel like you are ready and healed is to tell your story going back where we started with my dad coming to Christ because it was a man who is willing to tell his story and what you tell your story how God has healed you and brought you through the difficult chapters in your life then they will become your greatest fish said again. It was sort of come back to where we started yesterday. Second Corinthians 1. He comforts us in our affliction, so that the purpose of those those stories literally or what God uses. It's like weakness, brokenness, God just redeems to connect with other people who are living in that same valley and soon there's a way out. His name is Jesus. You can have victory.
So he changes, broken stores, a beautiful source. Many of us have heard the phrase hurt people hurt people, but the opposite is also true transformed people transform people as we see God work in our lives to help us overcome the shame of our past history. We are offered forgiveness we receive forgiveness and then were able to extend forgiveness to others and people. As a result are transformed. We intentionally receive the grace of God we are able to step out of the shame of our past and then tell our story and watch God work in the lives of other people as well.
David and Wilson have been talking with Sharon James today about her book when you don't like your story. What if your worst chapters could become your greatest victories. We believe in this book so much that when you head over to family life to a.com and make a donation of any amount organist send you a copy of this book is our way of saying thank you for giving and advancing the gospel effort of family life to you could find it a family left it a duck, or you could pick up the phone and call us at 1-800-358-6329 that's one 800 F's and family L as in life, and then the word today make you requested there and you can receive a copy of Sharon James's book. Thanks in advance for your support and we hope you enjoy this fantastic resource watching God heal. Brokenness is something that we've seen done in so many different ways particularly at the weekend to remember events. I have the president of them life with me here today. David Robbins and David you had lots of opportunities to see God work in the midst of the brokenness I so appreciate the conversation today about how hard chapters of even the worst chapter in our lives can be the things that shape our stories and that God moves in greatly and what we see all the time that we can remember getaways is that people come in and the realities of life had drifted couples apart and really the simplicity of what we do will certainly offer up truth from God's word but also good people looking in the eye and having conversations that really just the speed of life and allow you to have a no matter what chapter you're in your life currently getting time away to spend time with one another and focus on one another could be something that God restores and starts a new chapter that you been longing for. In your marriage. That's right. And you can enjoy three days of romance and reconnection with your spouse, you can head over to family life to a.com.
Find different locations about where the weekend to remember events are find a time. Sign up and watch God do amazing things in your marriage again you could find email@example.com or you can give us a call at one 800 F as in family L as in life and in the word today and there is a weekend to remember conference that's happening in Charlotte North Carolina this weekend. We love it if you take a second to pray for the couples who will be attending this upcoming weekend now and Monday.
We hope you can join us as we talk about restoring our lasting values they can amplify God's greatness.
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