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January 20, 2022 9:00 pm
Do you and your spouse want to be better together? FamilyLife President David Robbins, and his wife Meg, share a surprise source for strength in your marriage.
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Hey before you started out by some exciting happening right now. Family is good news you hear our family life. We can remember marriage getaways or half off the registration fee that you can sign up right now family today.com you can go to we can remember is literally going to change your marriage and it's half off. So what's the most important thing you keep in our shower.
My particular shampoo and conditioner yet. I would be for me and I guess we will minus what you think it is at your razor shave my baldhead welcome to family life today where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most and will send Dave Wilson and you can find email@example.com or on our family life. This is family life.
Well you know it's really your students. I never heard of a couple putting a Ziploc bag in a shower with their mission and values so they could look at if you murder that I meet this couple like this is pretty remarkable. We've got them sitting in the studio right in front of us. David and Meg Robbins, the present family life and they are sitting in our studio will confirm life today. It's a treat to be with y'all and the I'm sure people are leaning in and intrigued by what Ziploc still tell us the whole process about how the Robin set their mission, their value something a president of an organ is a likely do the people that are like normal people can call you as normal people until we have a title that mixes poses, maybe not so fully normal people fully dependent experience or weakness all the time so you Ziploc bags. They been a big thing for us it's a values process that is simple and we had some mentors give it to us, and we've used it several times were actually in a process now doing it again but it's so simple you all you do is you get away individually and you list out okay as you think about this next season of life, which at that time, or next season of life was like 2 to 3 years.
Our most recent one was more like 7 to 10 years you know we got high school to consider in our kids going to college. In this chapter were in were thinking more and decade chunks more than the next two or three your chunk but you take that next season and you list out any value that you have and passions gifting's burdens and you get away and after about an hour. You just get frustrated. I feel like anything you like how I could've done this in a Starbucks at home, why are we away you know and then is asked the Holy Spirit.
Lord help me.
You know the future you know what you wired in me help help me surface values that your you've ingrained on our heart for who you uniquely have made us so you keep listing out values in the in the Holy Spirit could meet you in those places and then you rank them individually and what would be most important, what for this next season in your life, what needs to be delayed for a season, even though it's a part of you and in your passion about it and then you come together in the most powerful thing happens when you come together and if you're not married, you could do this with a close friend, a friend that knows you and can speak life into you, but you can you come together and we've always had those great moments of this one so low. This is who you are.
Why don't you believe this about yourself or why is this one so high and for me, our member was 29 when we were first doing this value process and I just felt like I was getting behind my peers and buying a home and so II had owning a home really high up there in in the spirit of you know were creative and we like making home and were hot we do hospitality out of her home for mission or purpose.
As we know it and we need a home and I remember Meg challenging me going okay. Why is that one so high when I got underneath it.
It was good.
I felt like was falling behind my peers and it still probably rate high for missionaries who said will go wherever we need to go and do whatever God commands to do but but it was it was put in its right place. As we came in master values together and rank them together and when you share what we do with them and then harass and mean everyone can teaser and method that for as we see a where is the cutoff line about the top 3 to 5 that we really feel like the Lord and a lot of prayer is in today stating it is asking the Lord to shine a flashlight on the winds that he is writing on her life and times.
Only the top 3 to 5 & how does it mean that maybe there's seven but three that you really want to be sure that you we print them out and him in a Ziploc bag and take them up in the shower and just praying for them every day and if were trying to make a decision then we pray through the decision it, for it is been so much more powerful than like a pro-con list, but as you can get a pro con anything sample of your top three, so when we were in the amount we are moving to New York City and we would had been when you not know that we would move them your friends that we knew that was staring at change and and just chiding us to something different and one of the top lines last 11 and more lost and diverse contacts.
Just a place where not everybody we had time working on living in a suburban very churched area only felt like God was calling us to step outside and in more diversity and was sleeping together in more tangible ways as part of our job descriptions that I would as a regional director visiting campuses.
I was traveling a lot away from my family and small children, Celine.
I made sense. At that time they were getting a little older and we were starting to think through what is it look like for us to partner in ministry again you take those up your shower and you pray over the house whenever you shower and then we would do that first season like three months. During those three months we knew. I remember driving home from that hotel that we did those values and that landed this eventually New York City going I don't know what's about to happen, but I bet working to adopt a cystic fibrosis kid because we arty have one so will do that and will move to Midtown Atlanta.
That was my first driving home.
That's what I bet cannot happen yet this I think a job change was coming. I didn't think moving Atlanta was coming just moving with no answers what I thought and then as we prayed we just felt the Lord to open our hands and we actually went down to Miami three times that I was convinced it was Miami and the Lord kept using the value process to then for me to listen to my wife, and the pace she was really discerning also to go. I don't know if this is it let's you and we we checked out New York and a few other ones and as God led us to New York I I'm sitting here today were sitting here and I just command and sovereignty.
Who knows what God would've done. He would've worked his will out but I don't know that we would be family life president and serving in this role together and getting to be the team that we are in this role. If it wasn't for those values that got medicine and that as we prayed over them and led us to New York and ministered to the next generation and a secular context and we discovered the power of the home and and how the family can be such a powerful conduit for evangelism and discipleship in a very secular place that we can put your worksheet you have a worksheet right week was right on the family life you and you can use that like you do because I'm right now for seeing that I Ziploc bag is going into my shower as I live owners. I could tell he is all excited about. That's like yeah what would that look like even at our stage in life Wyoming coming out of those values as well. I've heard both of you say many times. In fact, one of the first times is around you. I heard this phrase come out and now I've heard it often that I know this is part of how you work. If dependence is the goal. Weakness is an advantage again. I get it as soon as I hear it, but I've never really heard that stated like that so talk about that will ultimately give dependence on the Lord is how we live our lives if abiding in him is the root requirement for fruit to be produced. I don't know what it is in me, but I believe that with all my heart but yet functionally I get it backwards all the time and I have to remind myself over and over and over again. I am not sufficiently good, wise or gifted enough to make this thing work. Whether it's my kids, whether it's our relationship as a husband and wife. Whether it's leaving the ministry. I'm not good enough and I have to depend upon the Lord, even if of the like, all the boxes are checked and everything's perfect dependence is the key to living out an abiding life that bears fruit fruit that will remain and then if you really start digging into what is it look like to fill dependent on the time I remember Megan.
We took this role was about nine months and and she just goes dependence is exhausting and I was like oh my goodness you're right because this was we were jumping into a deep in of leadership in this role that we have not let it this level before, and yet God keeps showing up provisions like you guys as host for family life today and so many other provisions that he keeps favoring and blessing us with yet it comes out of fully experiencing our weakness and that's something that Mick gets hard for me that I thought you started teaching me when I was around 30 of you really got to be okay with your weakness and almost inviting diving into your weakness, because as he know Paul says in second Corinthians, because it is inner weakness that God's power is made perfect in its how funny is you say that I'm recalling the first year of speaking at the weekend to remember get away now is 29 and 30 years old. I was petrified and I'm thinking well I have to say these women had been married longer than I have. I'm nobody I have nothing to say and write before I would get to speak I'm in the shower that morning, laying like I am on the bathtub prostrate bag and got like I can't do it. I cannot do it. I have nothing in me that would help me to do this except for you. I depend totally and completely on you.
God I need you to do this in and through me and it sounds like you guys have done that many times I can't do this apart from you. Learn to like we find ourselves there a lot. You're very right in the Lord is actually the part that's not exhausting. It's that this sitting in the week continually finding ourselves there, he now just. And hey, we don't have everything it takes, that's what we desperately need the Lord and what he can do in his power to affect most estate sounds like Gideon and the impact when we were asked to consider taking this role. We were praying about it for a few months and certainly seeking the Lord and David was at a time when we were living in New York City in our small apartment and he had been town for three or four days and it was a Sunday morning and I was thinking to get a ride to church if for no other reason. Certainly we only Jesus, but I might need a minute Tina that we're on our way to church and at this time we had for children and they were all like 10 and under's outlook on the street in New York City. If you're not familiar with walking with the family. You really can't walk just in a bagel line spread out and it can run around around everywhere but you really lived there for almost 5 years. I kids in it. You really need to look to Betsy making other people that might proceed when everyone was everywhere and somebody honest tripped an elderly lady and I just lost 18 I just lost my temper and snapped it somebody you know you New York City people often say you know you you probably have your public cries you like just as normal to public cry. Yeah there's also public parent discipline. It's really on display.
Your sin comes out in front of everybody and it's kind of humiliating sale. We get to charity negative.
I checked into their class since it is an accomplishment, Megan.
I'm just saying the lady on my and it felt like it David that when I said I really don't think we can take this is not what you said hey were not doing it will talk after church.
What is it ever you said that text. Why feeling that the reality of how terrible mommy to just the inadequacies that healing and taking this role to lead a family ministry and I can't even keep my cool. On the way to church. I mean it just felt like this is not for me and me when they first.
Actually when Steve Sellars first asked asked asked to consider the role. My first comment was I thinking that he had been with us at Disney today in Orlando and for conference and yeah I just felt like me to come live with us for you to do that and he said gracious and said, will we really, that's why we want you to do this we want we want the monies authentic and as I don't have it all together which was encouraging to hear but the Lord just Can bring me back this place and what is dependency look like because I am weak and that morning in church we were going to Redeemer at the time, and Tim Keller was preaching that day on John chapter 21 after he's companies died, is risen against him back to the disciples, and he's talking to Peter and he says three times the left me and he's like yes Lord, and he honest to the plaintiff email Larry asked me to third time that Tim Keller talked about how he and Jesus was doing out her best three times, just like he denied Jesus three times to let him experience that you messed up. But I still love you and because you right here with me plunging the reality of your surname to my grace because Peter was bringing that to Jesus and experiencing that fellowship again. Jesus tells him if you love me feed my sheep, and he says it three times everything has deal at me and says yes and feed my sheep and he just talks about because we didn't we don't have it all together. Jesus doesn't call the acquit he equips says that he calls and the largest use that morning after. By the time church was over and we did have a conversation.
I was really like.
The largest said do you trust me the gaps in your life you had to sell. Then he be perfect in order to step into this and asking you to trust me in a radical way and every follower of Jesus gets invited by the Holy Spirit that's embedded in their lives. In the spirit is the one that equips them with the gifts and empowers them to build a live out mission every person, whether it's in your neighborhood and lifting your eyes to your neighbors, whether you're in a school is looking a lifting rise to people around you, whether it's your grandkids or you know the list goes on and on and invites us to building his kingdom by impacting others what we experience transformation with Jesus and him meeting us in our weakness and then he uses us as agents of transformation right to for others to experience because we can guarantee others are experiencing their weakness also. But when it comes to living out God delights. I believe in putting this people in positions where they are desperate on him. Yeah, that's when his glory comes through with power because we get to the end of ourselves and we say God I need you to show up or else and just like second Avenue and going to church.
He does he meets us in the places we need a most that it's interesting because I think it's so against how we try to live even the cultures like be strong. You are strong. Yeah me and I'm thinking of all the years I spent the NFL in those locker rooms.
It's the opposite.
Nobody thought about weakness there, even though there feeling it on it on that adequate if I drop this pond.
I'm getting cut.
Nobody says that there like on the man. I can do this and I think we do that in the church. I think we sort of try to believe that we've got everything that we need which we do in a sense, and Kreischer but we often don't want to reveal weakness.
We don't want to show weakness.
We read Paul's words are like what seemed mean in in in my weakness I am strong so the church and become a place where your you you fake it.
You hide and yet you're saying I made at such other statement. If dependence is the goal. Weakness is an advantage like no I don't ever want weakness and yet that's what brought you here I think is so amazing how on what it was was in second Avenue second set around the second Street.
I think it's amazing how that's happening to you. You get this text and then God brings this moment in church that is not just happenstance aside God's called you he needs to remind you of something in here you are, you also, what about the couple though that this will not embrace because you're saying embrace weakness thinking of the listeners that are in it right now that they're just struggling that they are at the end of themselves that they feel desperate and alone and they see no hope. How would you encourage them. Why would you say first of all, don't just be a believer of grace in getting what you don't deserve to be a lover of grace. The fact that we have a God that comes to us in grace and truth and gives us what we don't deserve and sent Jesus to meet the criteria of truth for us to have a relationship with him be a lover of grace and relate to got to start pouring your heart out, but his debut said it like because were in Christ you know.
Colossians says Christ in us the hope of glory because were in Christ is not our performance and others opinions that becomes her identity. That's how we operate. Even as followers of Jesus, believers of grace can believe all the right things but yet deep down their functioning.
It's it's my performance and others opinions and that's my identity instead of Christ's performance, his opinion, and that being our identity and that that may feel a little trite and in spiritual platitude, but just that honest gut level of God don't have it and I don't even know where to turn in your Megan invites me into humility. Being able to have a space to be humble and go. I've been trying to hold it all together and I don't have it.
I'm so sorry that I've created distance between me and you. I often create distance because I try to hold it altogether too long and I could be a lover of grace with the Lord and then move toward her and go.
I must stop forming so so wholeheartedly here a minute. Trust in Christ performance really practical thing that we've tried to live out and it's hard to do but I think of Nancy Lee Demoss level myth talks about taking the race off before the Lord in the walls down before others think that when we're feeling that way, inadequate or you know that things just weep week, ultimately refilling our weakness, our tendency is to kind a whole lot and cover that up. We hide in sleazy we hide in shame and I'm totally guilty of that but I think the time that we've experience God's power. The most is when we confess that before the Lord and come to him and say Lord don't have it. I don't have what it takes. I desperately need you and coming for one another or close friends and taking as walls down and saying this is crap dealing second week. I'm really struggling and makes room for God's power to come alive even more time guessing. I don't know for sure you had some moments in the last couple years because you had the lead family life a major ministry through a one of the hardest seasons in the world, let alone a ministry. I mean we've had this shutdown we can remembers the cruise gotcha.saw you again not address lot listeners only think of those are income for us, but you walk through that so take us into your family room or maybe your kitchen when you're trying to leave this ministry through this really valley as a couple. What were those knights like weather nice for you to say to Mager and I am scared to death, or I don't think well first of all remember having a mentor in call with Dennis Rainey and going okay you are you were there in 08 and will how did you handle and he goes, but David nothing shut down completely. You know and I will succumb this moment of home and worse for you. If the founder of 44 years. You know Sam is unprecedented. Here we go, and you know part of it was really depending upon the Lord out of the gate but then as it lengthened began in and we know we've been honest it we begin to, drive a wedge between us because I started worrying so much about keeping family life afloat and functioning of our our family moving during the pandemic, which was up a part of what we had to do and I really got so overly busy and and that that really if you come to the family reunion at room 12 months into the pandemic. We had to look each other in the and go okay were were functioning well but how are we really when it comes to our oneness.
Did the pandemic is caused a current and adrift in our own lives. That is, drifted us apart and we really had to get out of the current and you know just like we go to the beach and the currents are strong with the waiver kids back to get lined up with us in our umbrella when the color of the current is strong.
We tell them get on the sand and walked back to us is the only way you're going to build make it back in so we fit we've actually started rhythms of getting on the sand and not letting life in the currents take sweep us away too much for me to recognize that there were times when I felt like I didn't want to put more on David.
He again went on meant I was being really careful and not sharing and asked me how are you and I was thinking as you are talking that for me it was that I had to take a step of faith and trust in him and even risk that yet. You know what this might put one more thing on him for me to say I'm struggling to you, but I know that he cares about me and he lets mean he wants to know that as I had to be intentional, just not to be too careful and to take that step into intimacy have yeah this is hard for me to that we sorta have low modulus below less careful so you know, but it was good for us. I just know when hard times hit our our home.
It's very easy for the marriage you drift and isolation is what Meg just said I don't want to take the roof off with God because I don't know where he is and I don't want take the walls down. So we close in in your marriage can really suffer in the opposite is a gift when when you open up your spouse and open up to God.
God's is this why put you together. You two are better together and you need each other and I and I've heard your store enough to know you had to get there was an easy you got there. I'm thinking there's couples this right now, they're still isolated through the pandemic, whatever, and I hope is or listen today. They say you know today's the day, or two nights, and that we have to hit the pause button with say we need to talk. I think Meg would agree with this.
When Dave has come to me in weakness, saying I'm at the end of myself. I can even do this, I feel so much love and I want to encourage him when email versus when he shuts down. I don't know what to do with that and I think is a spouse when we can go to each other be vulnerable and say I need your help.
Like I have nothing left. I'm so fearful at level V communication we talk about the meeting to remember getaways where you're going deep in your exposing the vulnerability of your soul is when we come together and we become one, that it's a scary place to go. You're full of fear. But I'm just going to do it today.
It will change everything. I remember hearing someone describe intimacy in marriage by breaking the word down and saying intimacy means into me see it. It is that oneness that all of us have as a goal in marriage. We were designed for one.
This marriage was built so the two would become one, that's God's design and at our weekend. Remember marriage getaways that we host in cities all around the country. That's our focus. Helping couples move from isolation to intimacy because the natural drift in every relationship is toward isolation.
We move away from one another rather than moving toward one another and we need to be trained. We need to be equipped to know how we can pursue oneness and pursue each other. If you have never attended one of our we come to remember getaways.
I want to challenge you to make this spring. The spring where you finally do what you've talked about doing for a long time I run into somebody listers I say have you ever been to one of her getaways and they say all we've always talked about doing that, but we've never been this is the spring to stop talking and start doing all right and if you sign up today. This weekend is the last opportunity for you to register for an upcoming weekend.
Remember marriage get away and save 50% off the regular registration fee so were doing everything we can to incentivize you to join us and to build a healthier, stronger marriage. You've talked about it. Now do with this spring and maybe you been to a weekend to remember but it was 10 years ago. Time for a refresher right again, go to our website. Family life to the.com look through the list of about four dozen getaways that were hosting in cities all across the country this spring find a getaway that's happening in the city near where you live or city you'd like to visit. Get out your calendar. Block out that weekend and then register right now so you can save 50% off the registration fee go to family life to the.com and register online for a getaway or call one 800 FL today. If you have any questions.
We can help you with anything the number again one 803 586-329-1800 F as in family L as in life, and the Lord today.
Join us this spring to family life weekend to remember marriage getaway and with that we have to wrap things up today.
Hope you have a great weekend. Hope you and your family are able to worship together in your local church this weekend and I hope you can join us back on Monday when we talk about how all of us can do a better job with our screens than his parents. How can we help our kids manage their screens. Jonathan McKee will be here to help with the you can join us as well on behalf of our hosts Dave and Ann Wilson on Bob Lapine. We will see you back Monday for another edition of family life today.
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