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January 16, 2022 9:00 pm
Why's emotional health a big deal in marriage? Bestselling authors Dave & Ashley Willis share their story--and how vulnerability became their game changer.
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Making marriages back to God's original design for marriage in the first picture he gave us of marriages in Genesis chapter 2 and he says that the first couple, Adam and Eve. They were naked and unashamed that making this wasn't just a picture of physical intimacy, even though that's a beautiful part of it, but it's it's a picture of having nothing to hide from each other and being completely vulnerable completely open and that's what God does desires for marriage and family life today where we want to help you pursue relationships that matter most and Wilson and I'm Dave Wilson and you can find us if we live today.com or on our family life and family life today so we don't often talk about 1999 in our marriage. All 1999. It was one of the tougher years by I lost my very best friend to cancer and it was my sister.
She's my best friend. She led me to Jesus. She died of cash it can get. Topping that she died of lung cancer. My parents had never smoked and she never did and she was gone within five months, leaving her four sons and it was really a dark time for us in our lives mean it was dark for you is dark for everyone really is your husband.
You have always said you know this one things I love about Ian Wilson is your strength finders like number two is positivity like if you walk in the kitchen one day and you're not positive I beg I'd like fallen and I can barely function like him so codependent on your positivity but you is through our marriage went through 18 months than it yeah I was grieving and I could not conjure up anything.
I was just at a dark dark place questioning everything, and I felt like I had absolutely nothing to give guy can remember the day I heard you laugh in the garage.
I was in the kitchen and I think was two years that I had heard you laugh like belly laugh and you know were bringing that up because when one of the spouses or both are really struggling emotionally or mentally, it can really impact a marriage, and I think it can lead one or both of you reeling.
Not knowing where to go what to do here wondering what our marriage survived this yet, so I'm excited because we got two friends in the studio today. Dave and Ashley Willis, who I didn't say David and Wilson dated Ashley Willis family life today is whatever is so polite you know you get interrupt the said here are said in the studio what you guys have this amazing ministry that you have committed. That's been two decades or so of your lives to helping marriages like what we just described Thrive in the mist of good times and tough times right yes I mean it. It's you know lately definitely have walk through some dark times just like what you described, and it's our heart to help people navigate these things because it is in this times that you know we are personally going through a hard time. I think it making turning canopy on our spouse and going out and I married the wrong person.
Or maybe the marriage the promenade all their fault. After all, you know, and we would help couples just like you guys are doing to help them see that they can get through these hard times and not only that, but there's really the strength you find on the other side of that when when you lean into each other and and really give it to God to that hard time you can really grow stronger through it tells a little bit about David Ashley Willis because I know you've written. I did know this many 15 books is that right now I sound old couple here you know how to smile some of them are just really short, really, really short ones like children's book link. Probably, just add to the total count. You are you are impacting people socially on the Internet before anybody was really doing it and so you have literally for two decades at least really impacted marriages and then you start this thing. You gotta tell me what this means naked marriage that your ministry that your podcast the book were to die today is naked and healthy so obviously you know you have a title like naked marriage that gets people interested.
What's that all about.
It does were not part of the nudist colony, but making marriages back to God's original design for marriage in the first picture he gave us of marriages in Genesis chapter 2 and says that the first couple, Adam and Eve.
They were naked and unashamed that making this wasn't just a picture of physical intimacy, even though that's a beautiful part of it, but it's it's a picture of having nothing to hide from each other and being completely vulnerable completely open and that's what God does desires for marriage and so we've tried to build her own marriage. That way through all of God's principles for what America should be and just be a safe place for other couples can talk about it, whether it's in us messages online which was happening long before we are at a podcast or redoing marriage ministry fault on the way we are now, but were just trying to point people back to God's design. In a world that it is gotten really confused about issues around sex and marriage and what it all means what it's all supposed to look like and God's perfect plan is still perfect and were just trying to help point people back to bed yet. It's one of things I really appreciate about your ministry as its biblical minutes centered on the word of God. It's vulnerable. That's the naked part.
You know, and they get unashamed and you're always helping renew literally helping couples in its relations as it picked up your latest book, naked and healthy.
It really gets into what we started with the mind and the emotions how that affects the marriage the body or the physical and in the spiritual and so here's the thing before even dive into that because I really want to talk about where we started. Today the emotional part of a marriage but you want things that we do and we gotta talk about this now because there is a promotion going on right now. Family life where you can go to the we can remember marriage get away half off here wired like me. I say yes to half off. So go so you can go to any one of 60 different marriage conferences around the country you go to family life today.com you can find a marriage conference near you or you go to a destination one if you want and spend Friday night, Saturday and Sunday morning learning how to build a marriage that God want you to have great really truly change our marriage changed our life that you like it changed our legacy and so to get half off is an amazing deal off at registration price that so I'd save it right now go online go to family today.com sign up. Have a great weekend can literally change your life. So now talk about the emotional part. You have your own personal story of how this played out in your marriage where this the mental and emotional part affected you in your marriage in a negative way. Very much so you know we got married pretty young. I was actually still in college and we got married I graduated from college.
One weekend we got married the next weekend and he started working for at the college that I was attending.
And you know it was just this fairytale for us and you know being na´ve and being very young. We just thought we got this and Bentley were also both communication majors and so we thought we had a communicate and I marriage is just to be sent had no problem exactly no problem, and so we get married and you know were in the honeymoon phase but very quickly. I just noticed that I'm not quite myself. And I'm having trouble sleeping will just not had these lingering plaguing negative thoughts and fears that had a really hard time shaking off and then before you go on tell me about those thoughts and fears, like what was going through your head only goodness I mean I really was like an onslaught of just trying to enter an identity crisis really because we're actually having a little bit of trouble with some family members in the beginning of our marriage, and it really threw me for a loop. To be honest with you it was very earth shattering in my my little world and it cost me to have a little bit is that, like who am I because this relationship that I really had almost just depended on to find myself by was all of a sudden just crumbling to the ground and things weren't really how I thought they were. And on it really sent me into a massive depression and on and then assert having your one.
This is in the first year and it happened within like the first two weeks and just meet it was like day after day, immediate, and holidays become and it would get worse on the holidays and it was just terrible and it went on for several years, so let me go to you Dave. So here you are your newly married Mike on this can be amazing in here actually is. In this phase of life in this depression were you thinking what just happened like or you doubting who is she know I never doubted. Who is she, but I was still completely terrified that the situation my guy I knew who I married. I never had a doubt in my mind it all about that.
I was so thankful and have been every day of her marriage that she's my wife but I did know how to help and I didn't know how to get us how to lead through that I didn't know what I was supposed to do what it know what she was supposed to do. So it became a time in our marriage or we really had to lean on God like never before. And a big time it was a good way to start out in that way because it it it forced us to realize the obvious, which is we can't do everything in our own strength. We need the Lord and that is just something we said like that is something in that moment.
We had to live. We had to say.
God help us through this show is what to do and God helped us in a lot of ways through that it was it was a slow process. You know he usually the healing happens in slow processes.
Unfortunately, we wanted to happen fast but usually journey you are saying how many years it went on for at least four years think we remember with depression anybody he was listening to this when you're first impressed you kind of get used to it you don't realize that's what you're going through and you kind of talk it up to sadness or under 7 pounds of this one relationship in my life or whatever it is you call it circumstantial, but I know looking back, I think it was actually probably even more than four years but definitely four distinct years where I laid I mean I was crying. I would just cry all the time.
I literally just like the commercials you see on TV for antidepressants, I literally felt like this little dark Me around and I Didn't Want to Do the Things I Once Enjoyed, and I Just I Just Felt like a Shell of a Person and I Remember the Note. That's When the Enemy Came in and Just Really Played on That You Know It Was like He Just Tried to Mess with Me Even More and Started Feeding These Lies like You Know What Radio Really the Woman He Married Anymore and Are You Really Saved. Are You Really Saved, If You Are Thinking These Dark Thoughts Are Here Doubting God or If You're Questioning Your Marriage or Whatever It Is You Know How Dear You Even Think That like You Should Be Ashamed of Me. I Just Had All Those Really Terrible Lies Going through My Mind, and Many Got Really Dark Kind of in the Midst of That That for Your Journey, As Even Thinking, I Don't Know If I Want to Live My I Don't Know If I Really Want to Continue Living. If This Is Living. I Don't Want and Talk about Spiritually. When Did You Feel What Were You Praying in That Time, I Would Pray I Will Tell You There's Never Been Another Time in My Life. I've Cried out to the Lord so Much Because I Started Actually My Depression, As It Often Does, for A Lot Of People When into Anxiety As Well, and I Would Have Anxiety Attacks at Night Where I Would Just My Heart Beating Out Of My Chest I Be in a Cold Sweat and Had to Run to the Bathroom and Physically Get Ill Because There's Physical Manifestations for Mental Illness and on and I Would I Would Be like in the Bathroom Just Crying and Literally out Loud, Saying, Lord, Please Take This Away from Me, Please, Please, Just Give Me Help Delete Unit Is Crying out Little A Lot Of Times to Get A Lot, and I've Heard from Different People Have Gone through Anxiety and Depression Usually Happens at Night Is Usually in Those Wee Hours. He Now Yeah and Dan and I Would Turn on My Christian Television and I Would Just Be Trying to Hear from God like I Just Need Something and I Know It and Every Time He What He Thought Always Comes Right When You Need Them. But for Me Personally It Wasn't like Poop It's Gone. It Was a Journey Was a Gradual Process and I Did a Christian Counseling That Was a Game Changer for Me and My Christian Actually Went to Two Different Ones Because We Moved, in the Middle of of My Depression and Both of My Counselors Really Can Help Me to Do What the Bible Says to Do to Take Your Thoughts Captive and Replace Them with God's Truth and That Was Something That I Had to Learn Because I Really Felt Helpless There for A While and You KnowGoing through It to. I Didn't Even Tell Dave I Know He Something Was up Because I Just Wasn't Quite Myself but When I Finally Told Him and He Is My Spouse Didn't Judge Me and Say You Know What You Are Right You Are Damage Goods. I Think I'm Going to Move on. You Know He Didn't Shame Me at All like You Not Supposed to Worry, like I Mean Guys Listening. The Worst Thing You Could Say to a Depressed Person Is You're Not Supposed to Worry or Worry Is a Sin, I Mean It Just More Depressed Again Today like You Were over That It's Just Because It's Not That Easy and It Is. It Is Such It Can Become a Stronghold in Your Life.
But I Also Want to Say with That Said, in This Prayers in Those Moments When I Was Crying out to God, I've Never Felt Him so so Close. You Know, and I Literally Felt the Verse It Says He Is Close to the Brokenhearted, You Know, and in Overtime. I I Could See Him Giving Me Beauty from Ashes Because I Did I Felt like Ashes. I Felt like the Beautiful Life I Thought I Was in a Live with with Dave and at the Time I Had Small Children Even When I Was Going through This. I Thought It's Just Burning Flames like I'm the One It's Me It's My Fault and I Just Had to Learn That You Know Mental Illness Is No Respecter of Persons, Christian or Not We Can Go through This. But God Is Our Healer and on with His Help and If You're Married, Please Help Your Spouse Lean into Your Spouse and Us. But with with Helping Each Other through This You Can Come through It and I've Been on the Other Side Is for Years. Praise Jesus and May Not Been Free from Anxiety and Depression for Years and I'm so so Grateful. I'm Guessing You Guys of People Spouse Hasn't Responded the Way Dave Responded to You, Ashley, Have You Seen the Negative Toll That Lays out If You Don't Respond in a Kind and Generous and Grace Giving Way. Absolutely and I Know What to Say during Those Times, like I Didn't Have Any. There Was Nothing Magical That I Said or Did That Help, but I Just Knew I Just Need to Make Sure She Knows She's Not to Face This Alone so I Was Reminded Her over and over That I'm Here Working through This Together but I Was Not a Perfect Husband Back Then like I Don't Want to Paint This Picture That like I Was. I Was This This Rocker Was Doing Everything Right and Is like I Was in My Own Way. He's Got a Messed up Then like I Was Struggling, I Felt, in Inadequate and Insecure, Excited and Completely Know How to Help You Know I Was Making Some Dumb Choices, Part of Which You Know Not to Dive Too Deep into This Now, but I Had a past Struggle before We Got Married with Pornography and and I Fell Back into That in Those Early Years of Our Marriage, and That Put All Kinds of Strain and Confusion, Mentally, Spiritually, and Otherwise You Know on Both of Us. And It Certainly You Know When That Came out to Do Anything at All to Help You Know Ashley, Good to Come Out Of Her Depression a Minute. If Anything, It Probably Made That Worse until It Became Another Area Where and That I Wasn't Helping with the Healing. I Was Actually Adding to the Wound and so We Had to Come Together to to Really Find Healing in the Lord and and Grace and Hope in the Lord. But If If You Are Dealing with Depression or Anxiety.
The Way That That Ashley Was Something She Did. It Was That I Just Commend Her for That. God Really Blessed and Uses My Number One. She Chose to Hold onto God's Promises Even When She Was Feeling Something Different to Our Culture, Says You Know Your Feelings Are Always Right. Your Feelings Are Your God, Your Feelings Are Your Truth and You Just You Hold onto That but She Said No My Feelings Are Lying to Me Right Now There. My Feelings Are Real I Mean the Real I'm Feeling the Way the World on My Shoulders, but Even I Don't Feel Right Now I'm Holding onto God's Promises That He Is Good News with Me.
He's for Me and That I'm in to Get through This and She Kept Feeding Her Mind Things That Reinforce That Message. You Know She Was so Disappointed That I Marine the Word Today Even Though I'm Not Feeling It.
I'm in a Put God's Word in My Mind What I'm Listening to Alarm Watch and I'm in a Surround Myself with People Who Love Me and Encouraging Voices Because I Normally Vulnerable Right Now and If I'm Listening to the Wrong Voices.
It Could Have a Really Negative Impact to Get into Counseling and I Encouraged Her and All Those Things but She Did the Work and She Continued to Walk the Path and and. And God Did the Rest over Time. It Wasn't Quick, but over Time, That Fall Really Lifted in and Then She Use That As Part of Her Testimony and Has Helped Thousands of People Who Are Feeling the Same Thing and Were in a Time Right Now You Know Just What Our World Meant to These Last Couple Years Were There's Never Been More Anxiety and Depression and Confusion and Uncertainty in Now More Than Ever. You Know, We Need to Do Those Things That Ashley Was Doing All Those Years Ago Turned Back to the Truth of God's Word into Surround Ourselves with the Right Voices Maybe Detox from All the Negative News out There in the World and Say I Want to Just Kinda Fast from That for A While and I Want to Feed on God's Word and Surround Myself with People Who Love Me and and Healing Can Happen. God Wants You to Live with. Healing Is Not Given Us a Spirit of Fear. He Wants to Give You a Spirit of a Sound Mind and If You Don't Feel That Right Now. Don't Beat Yourself up. Don't Convince Yourself That It's Because You're Some Kind of like Terrible Center. This Is Just Part of Being a Human Being. Sometimes You Know We We Deal with Brokenness, but God Was to Carry through It Either One of You Guys Ever Feel like Were Sort of Blame Your Marriage for the Problems You Are Having, Because I Think Often We Can Get a Marriage and You Go through Some like What Ashley Was Going through. And You Said Well If I Want to Merge You or If I Want to Get Married I Be in a Different Place Would Be Okay and It's Easy to Blame the Marriage of the Marriage Is a Problem but Did You Find Yourself Overdoing That I Think Was to Seek for You, but I Think We Were Having All That Trouble to Some Family Members. I Am Sure That Question Didn't It Really Didn't Because the One of the Few Things I Knew for Sure Is That That I Married the Right Person. I Don't Know If I Marry the Right Person. Hey Listen Guys the Moment You Said, I Do. They Became the Right Person You Committed Your Life to Them. God Is Made You One but You Never Struggle with That Because She's Going through This Thing. You See, I Was so Many Things in My Life. Like so Many Things but One Thing I Have Not Struggled with Is Saying Why, and I Wish I Would've Not Married Her Really Odd As I Got All Kinds of Terrible Thoughts and Dumb Thoughts and Simple Thoughts, but That Thought Is Never Really in My Mind I'm like I Know, I Know That I'm with the Person That I Meant to Be with for My Whole Life and I'm so Thankful for Her and Even Our Toughest Time. Then in Her Darkest Time I Was so Thankful to Be Her Husband of Anything.
I Just Felt More of a Sense of Urgency to It to Remind Her of That Because She Didn't Believe That Even Though It Was True, but in Our Feelings Can Lie to Us and so I Just Tried Reminder Everywhere. I Could like I Love You so Much and I'm so Honored to Get to Be Your Husband and Working to Get through This Together and in Her Mind Would Let Her Believe It at the Time, but That It Was True, and I Kept Saying It While You Can Say Things like Hey I Know I'm Not Keep My End of the Bargain Here like I'm Not Really. He Married and I Don't Know What I'm Ever Going to Be That Woman Again. So If You Want to Leave. It's Okay like I Would Literally Say That I Would Literally Say It's Okay Good Night and Then We Would Have As yet I Was Saying Oh You're Given You and Now I'm Glad I Went out and and He Just and It Would Be You Guys like It's Never Convenient When You're Going through Struggles in Your Marriage or in Life, for That Matter. And so I Went Here.
He Had like a Full Day at Work the Next Day and I Think I Mean I Was a Student, Probably a Senior in College at This Time and I My Classes When Start to Later but I Wake Him up. Usually like to Three in the Morning Out Of Desperation and Try Not to but I Was Just so Desperate and Been Toiling for Hours in over Whatever Thoughts I Had That Night and That Were Plaguing Me and He Would Be like in a Fog and I Would I Would Just Say Dylan's Abaddon, I Got Sick Tonight and I Just I Feels about You Know What You Shouldn't Deal with This on Mass and I'm so I'm Just a Mess.
And Clearly I've Done Something Wrong Completely Wrong Here. You Know You You Have an out You Have a Not You Deserve so Much Better Than Me, Meaning You Deserve so Much Better and Every Time He Would Say Ashley I Am Not Going Anywhere Gift I Got a Gift That We Can Say That to Our Spouse When They're Struggling Thinking till Romans 12 to and I Love That Scripture Do Not Conform to the Pattern of This World but Be Transformed How by the Renewing of Your Mind. Then You Will Build a Test and Approve What God's Will Is His Good, Pleasing and Perfect Will. And I Think Being Conformed to the World, but Be Transformed by the Renewing of Our Minds When I Was Going through My Grieving of My Sister and I Would Say That's Probably the Time in My Life Right Is the Most Depressed Would You Say That I Found Myself the Same Ashley like My Mind Is Reeling of What God Would Take This 44-year-old Woman Who Has Four Kids You Know and and Then I Would Be Asking like What If That Happens to Me so Your Mind Goes Crazy, Especially at Night and Learning to Take Those Thoughts Captive and That Was Hard As My Whole Life. I Just Let My Mind Go.
When You Think of Captivity Think the Cage like You to Put Those Thoughts in a Cage and Not Let Them Run Wild and Learning How to Do That Can Take Some Time. Did You like What Was Your Discipline. How Did You Do That, You Know, One of the Most Helpful Things to Me Actually Read a Book and It's an Old Beth Moore Book Okay and It It's Called Praying God's Word and One Thing Beth Moore Put in That, but This Is Something Anyone Listening to Do on Their Own. Is It Was like a Perforated Section Which Is Scripture and NJ Little Blurb in There Saying like, Listen, You Know That Even Jesus Himself and He Was Going through His Hardest Time in the Desert Being Tempted. You Know He Would Quote Scripture to the Enemy He Would Think This Is What God Says out Loud and She's like There's so Much Power in That and Also Even If You're Not Saying It out Loud, Which I Highly Recommend Even Just Surrounding Yourself in Those Places That You Frequent like Your Car, Your Bathroom, Your Bedside Table, Putting the Words There. It's Just Powerful. And That's How You Can Earn Your Mind Because When You Start to Have That Thought You, You Remember That Person You're Really Meditating on That First so I Did That and I Still from Time to Time.
Do That Because It Was Just Tina. Proverbs 3, Five and Six You Know It Was Probably That Might My Verse Just That I Would Cling to so Much Time, You Know, and I'm Not Trusting in My Own Understanding Because at That Time I Literally Couldn't Trust My Owners Understanding As My Mind Was Not Healthy and down and so It Help Me by Putting Different Verses like That. They Just Really Help They Can Wash, Wash My Mind with God's Truth and It and It Renewed It over Time and into the Things That We Tend to Focus on. Actually, This Is Alisa Tucker's Quote That I Love It.
She Says the Mind to Feast on What It Focuses on and I Wanted to Feast on God's Word. Yeah, I Don't Want to Feast on the Lies of the Devil. I Wanted to Feast on His Word on History and and Truly When I Was Feasting on His Word by Just Focusing on It It's Healing His Word Is Healing and It Really, Really It Just It.
Help Me Tremendously. I Would Have Been Able to Get through That Time without It. I'm Just Thinking of You Listen or Maybe a Couples Going through What You Went through the Unknown, Nuts at Her like You Never Struggle Again like It Was Done and over What You Have Helped so Many Men Just like a Man You've Given Us like a Prescription. And Again I Know There's No Step One Step Two but Get Your Eyes off of the Problem and onto the Lord. Get Them in the Word. One of Things That Really Impacted Us and That Time Period Was Worship Music Yeah Yeah We Would Go to Church and Often I Would Be in the Band Play and I Sorta Said I Don't Want to Play for A While. I Want to Be Just Standing and Singing. We Couldn't Say.
I Just Weep a Member. I Look over Nana's on Her Knees Just Weeping Could Barely Get the Words out, but Being in That Presence and Going Vertical Was Powerful. There Was Something about When You Worship Your Heart Be Cast to Become Soft and Absorbs Whereas before, Wherever I Go. I Checked down My Heart Because It Hurt Too Bad. But When Music Came and Worship Music.
The Intimacy of God's Words Tend to Just Pour into My Heart and I Would Describe Because the Emotion of and I Feel like That Super Healing.
So As You Think Back to That Season of Your Marriage.
How Did That Journey Impact Your Passion to Help People Have Naked Marriages McGinnis and Had a Great Impact on It Because You KnowGoing through My Depression. I Really Hit It from Dave Because I Didn't Want Him to See That Part of Me, and I Think I Was Was Thinking Michael Is Just Gonna Go but Go Away Quickly. I Don't Want to. And Even Now I'm Having to Bring It up. You Need to Bring up Only As He Could You Hide It. Did You Not See It, You Know, As a Young Husband.
I Was Pretty Oblivious to Missed A Lot Of Pretty Obvious Nonverbal Cues That Even 20 Years Later I'm Still Not Always Picking up on but I Knew Something Was off but Didn't Know I Didn't Know That. Like I Was, Not Equipped to Really Really Know and You Know in in the Book We Talk about the Mental Health I Think Being Mentally Healthy.
What's Happening in Her Mind Is One of the Easiest Things to Hide from Ourselves and so That's That's Really You Really Need the Naked Marriage Maybe More Even Than the Other Areas Because It's It's Easy to Hide What's Happening in Your Head like That.
The Thoughts Should the Fears Are Struggling with.
You Know I'm in My Casing of the Sin I Was Struggling with These Lustful Images and Mark in My Mind in Ashley's Case Unit Dealing in Wrestling with This Anxiety and Depression and Fear and Uncertainty in Doing What She Had to Keep It Hidden from Us and If We Hide What's Happening in Our Minds and Hearts from One Another Really Closes Us off.
It Creates a Wedge in the Marriage Were God Wants. Instead, There to Be a Bridge Where We Can Share All of It in Bear One Another's Burdens, and so You've Got Whatever It Is That You're Facing, Whatever It Is in Your Mind That You Haven't Really Revealed to Your Spouse Bring That out. It's Going to Bring Your Intimacy to a Holy Level Because the Depth of Your on Honesty Really Determines the Depth of Your Intimacy, Any Form of Secrecy It It Cuts Us off from Healing and It Cuts Us off from from Our Spouse. And so, like, Really Be Enemies Game Is to Keep Us in Isolation, like That's Always His Game Plan Is to like Keep Us Isolated Get Us the Deal Was Tough on Her Own God's Plan for Healing Always Happens in Relationship.
A Relationship with Him First and Foremost, but Then within Marriage Especially It Happens with in the Relationship and Being Able to Confess to Each Other and Pray for Each Other and Bear That Burden Together and so When Ashley Really Trusted Me with Her Struggle Even Though It Didn't Instantly Bring Healing. What It Did Is It Instantly Started to Bring Healing in Our Marriage Because Now We Can Face It Together and Now It Wasn't As Heavy for Her to Carry Because I Was Helping Carry It to Centrale and We Know We Always Say Marriage That It's Never His Problem.
Her Problem It's Always Our Problem and I Didn't Realize at the Time.
You Know That Really Even Though I'm the One His Going through Mental Illness. It's Still Affecting My Marriage.
It's Still Something That Dave Is Dealing with Whether I'm Telling Him or Not.
And so It Wasn't Right for Me to Keep It from Them but Also I Think What Actually Motivated Me to Actually Talent Was Just Out Of Desperation and Needing Help and You Know Again I Probably Will Come up at Two in the Morning and Discounted ~Really What's Going on and I Just I Did Feel a Release. I Felt Such a Release and and Also a Release of PC and All of Me and This Man Still Loves Me and He Still Wants to Be with Me like I'm Truly Naked and Unashamed and in a Day Really His.
His Willingness to Hear Me out to Be There for Me and and and Kinda Hang in the Corner with Me, so to Speak. It Really Did Help Me Get Rid of the Shame Because I Think Shane Was a Huge Issue for Me Back in Those Days and and It You Know It Went When You Realize That There's No Shame Here That You Just Need Healing and You Need Jesus at You Now. And God Wants You to Bring It out to the Light.
That's When the Healing Happens Will Talk to Talk to the Couple. That's Afraid Because Bring in Something from the Dark That the Secret to Your Spouse Is a Scary Thing and A Lot Of Times We Are so Afraid We Don't.
But You Both to Me Dave You Shared Your Struggle with Porn You Share Your Struggle of Mental Health. That's a Scary Moment. This Step over That Threshold. And yet You Know We Sit or Go over Is the Best Thing You Know Those Couple Going Now. Maybe for Them but Not for Us Are so Afraid Will Be Rejected. Yeah, Yes. So Would You Say to Them Will All Say the Mistake I Made Is That I Had to Be Caught for to Really Come out and and What That Did Is It Created an Extra Barrier of Trust to Be Rebuilt and I Wish I Could Go Back and Obviously Not Done It All, but Have Had the Courage to Share It and Wanted to Come out That I Got Real Honest Real Fast but I Just Tell Folks Listen to the Bible Says It, and It's True like Was That in Secrets Going to Be Shouted from the Rooftops Went One Way or Another. What You're Hiding Is Going to Come out It Just Going to and so You Might As Well Be the One to Take Initiative and Be the One to Bring It out Because That's Going to Help the Healing Process That's Going to Help Trust Rebuilt Faster. It Is Going to Come out One Way or the Other and so You Be the One to Do It and You You Trust God Do the Rest and and Ashley Had That That Courage and Faith to Say I'm Just Diamond Bring This out, to Be the One to Say It, Bring It out in the Open and Once We Bring Something from the Darkness out into the Light Instantly Has Less Power over Us Is the Way God Wires Things and I Think That She Felt Some Simpson Freedom and Healing Start to Happen the Moment That She Brought out Me Open. I Didn't Vulnerability in Marriage Is Key but I Think the Reason so Many of Us Are Scared to Share Things like This in Marriage Is Because We Live in a Culture That Says You're Crazy for You to Be That Vulnerable. Like I Remember Distinctly One Time We Were Having This Kind of Conversation Explaining the Naked Marriage to to a Single Man Okay, but He'd Been Dating and down and the Look on His Face.
He Looked at Us so Perplexed like Your Spirit. Like You Said You're Serious about Saying Everything like Not Having Any Secrets and Not Having Any Hidden Bank Accounts and Not Having Passwords on Your Devices and Things like That and I Was like Yes like in Marriage in Order to Have a Kind of Marriage. God Wants Us to Have Any Guy Put out on the Table and He He Cannot Pause for a Moment and He Said I've Never Trusted Someone like That in My Entire Life and I Don't Know If I Ever Can't like It and That Is so Scary to Me.
I Think He's the Word Scary. He Said like That Scares Me to Death You Now and I My Heart Sank Because I Thought That That's Just the World We Live in, and I Think A Lot Of That Comes from Culture, Telling Us That, but I Also Think It's Because the Brokenness I Mean I Think That A Lot Of Times We Don't Trust Our Spouse for Something That Somebody Else Did to Us. Maybe Our Spouse, and Even Do It but It's like We Couldn't Really Trust Our Mom or Dad or We Couldn't Trust Maybe Maybe You're Married before and Your Previous Spouse Which Is Completely Just, You Can Trust Them, but I Want to Challenge You to Trust God and Trust God with It like and in in Our Case with Dave's Pornography Issue and I Was Angry and I Had My Doubts and I Was Disgusted and I Thought All This Things but I Need a Guy Was Bigger and I Knew That Dave Wasn't Defined by His Sin, Just like He Knew That I Wasn't Defined by My Mental Illness and so That's When You Know We Had to Dig Deep and Pray and and Just It Just like You Are Saying and Earlier about How You Know God, Keeping Our Hearts Saw through Worship and through Prayer and I Think in Marriage. That Is Simply Because When We Are Praying Together with and for Each Other. He Does He Do Something Miraculous. Were He Really Softens Our Hearts Towards Each Other and We Begin to Be Less Afraid Because Honestly, Prayers Probably One of the Most Vulnerable Things You Can Do with Your Spouse and the Most Intimate Things You Can Do with Your Spouse and so I Would Encourage Couples to Start. There Are Scared Someone Should Want All of Us Would like to Think the Worst Day Is Not What Defines Us. It's Not What We Are Known for Whom Life Mostly What You Marriage Would like to Think the Our Greatest Struggle. Our Greatest Weakness.
The Thing We Wrestle with Is Not What Defines Us in Our Spouses Because That Doesn't Mean That We Ignore All Gloss over the Very Real Issues That Were All Wrestling with Good Means That in Marriage We Are to Be to Use the Words Damn Allender Used Once We Are to Be Intimate Allies Were to Be Working Together for Our Mutual Good in Marriage, and for God's Glory.
This Is One of the Things We Focus on at Our We Come to Remember Marriage Get Away.
Use of These Two 1/2 to Get Away Is Held in Cities All across the Country Are Designed to Be an Opportunity for Couples to Be Refreshed and Equipped in the Basics of What It Means to Have a Healthy, Strong, Godly Marriage and We Have a Whole Season of These Events about to Kick off Next Month. We Want to Encourage You to Go to Our Website Family like Today.com and Find out When the Getaway Is Coming to a City near Where You Live and Decide Now That You Can Win Best in Your Marriage This Spring at One of Our Getaways Infected Your Registered This Week.
You and Your Spouse Will Save 50% off the Regular Registration Fee so You Can Attend the Getaway for Essentially Half-Price You Just Need to Sign up This Week to Take Advantage of This Special Offer, Go to Our Website Family like Today.com for More Information about the We Come to Remember Marriage Getaways. Find out When One Is Coming to a City near Where You Live and Then Register Online or If You Have Any Questions Call Us at One 800 FL Today Would Be Happy to Answer Any Questions You Have and Help You with Registration Again. The Number Is One 803 586-329-1800 F As in Family L As in Life among the Word Today. Plan to Join Us This Spring at a Weekend to Remember Marriage Get Away from Them While You're on Our firstname.lastname@example.org look for more information about Dave and Ashley Willis's book, naked and healthy all about being transparent with one another and marriage being emotionally vulnerable being connected at the deepest level we have copies of the Wilson's book available you can order of Armand a family like today.com or you can call to order at one 800 FL today. Again, the title of the book is naked and healthy by Dave and Ashley Willis go to family life today.com for more information, call one 803 586-329-1800 F as in family L as in life among the word today, not tomorrow.
Dave and Ashley Willis are to rejoin us to talk about the importance of our physical health when it comes to our marital oneness is it important that we be physically healthy. I hope you're able to join us for about on behalf of our hosts Dave and Wilson on Bob Lapine will see you back next time for another edition of family life today. Family life today is a production of family life accrued ministry helping you pursue the relationships that matter most