A Plan For Building Our Children’s Faith

So I'm gonna have you try and finish a quote. I don't know it's a pop quiz. You've probably heard this quote before so you'll probably be able to finish it but it's stated this way, a goal without a plan is... A disaster. That's a good answer that's not the actual quote. Welcome to Family Life Today where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most.

I'm Ann Wilson and I'm Dave Wilson and you can find us at familylifetoday.com or on our Family Life app. This is Family Life Today. Some French author said a goal without a plan is a wish. Have you ever heard that? No. Yeah I mean it's honestly it's like if I have a goal but there's no plan it's just a wish I hope I you know if I want to lose weight I have no plan if I want to win the Super Bowl in Detroit with the Detroit Lions you don't have a plan it's never gonna happen.

Yeah. Right and I think the reason I bring that up is you think about family and you think about spiritual leadership in your family don't you think that's what a lot of us parents do? Yes because we all long for a discipleship process and we want to be these great disciplers of our kids we long for it we wish for it but I think so many of us feel ill-equipped I feel like it's like a diet you know what I mean you have this new plan like I'm gonna go on this diet today and then you fail and then you're like see it didn't work and I think discipleship with our families and our kids can be like that I'm really excited and oh they're just don't seem interested and they're hitting each other and they're running around and that one didn't work and so I feel like we can get discouraged. And of course you're not talking about our kids they never of course not ever did that actually that was almost every family devotional tell you what so many families can relate to that and that's why we exist here at Family Life it's a ministry that has helped families like ours and yours really stay to a plan and keep it and you know so exciting we have David Robbins with us today the president Family Life you know David as you think about that talk about how critical this time of year is for our ministry. Well I just think about this conversation I'm going this is what we're all about families discipling their kids families discipling people around them that don't know Jesus taking the gospel to places that there's gospel gaps where Jesus is not known in that home that's what we're about at Family Life and this year is a critical time as we have plans whether it's for Family Life today and continuing its reach or to make more small group resources so that more people can be sent out to form community in their neighborhoods to help those kids that aren't getting truth in their home at all that's what we're about at Family Life to be able to reach another home one home at a time and I just want to challenge and invite you to join with us in getting the gospel to more families. I think this is a critical time but I love how we're helping people make this donation of helping us fulfill all these goals by this dollar for dollar match.

Yeah I tell you what David you got me excited I mean sitting here listening to what you're saying it's like I want to help there's something in my soul and I think it's true for our listener that says that matters and I want to be a part of it and I just don't want to give my time I want to actually give my talents and my treasure my money and you're gonna give this something at year end why not a ministry like ours that makes an eternal impact on a family and on a legacy so here's how you can do it it's very simple go to family life today dot-com or you can dial us at 800 FL today then here's amazing thing that gift will be matched dollar for dollar yes and up to 1.5 million dollars which is incredible which is amazing which means whatever you give is doubled so who wouldn't want to do that and you're gonna have an impact on families here's another amazing thing you give a gift to us we'll give a gift back to you we're gonna send you Dane Ortlund's new book 150 devotions on the Psalms and playing cards playing cards which have conversation starters for your marriage and your family can play cards but you can ask deep yeah I know you love that stuff so anyway you're gonna love it as well so you give a gift we give you a gift and again 1-800 FL today and it'll impact marriages and families and as we're talking about today parenting yeah one of the things we love to help parents so let's talk parenting we've got in the studio today a guy I'm not kidding when I read about what you've done with your family Terrence Chapman I thought this guy not only has a goal you are a man with a plan Terrence welcome to family life today oh it's so good to be here and looking forward to our conversation did you hear that you're the man with the plan he's just trying to butter me up I think he's trying to get some football tickets or something yeah I'll take football tickets anytime you got them but no I'm not kidding when I've read about what you do and what you've done and we're gonna talk about this today with your family it says I contend to be a guy with lofty goals and aspirations not always sitting down and go okay how we're gonna get there I mean I have them in different areas of my life but when I looked at your life and your family you're not a guy with just a goal you are a guy that has a goal with a plan right and some of that I'm guessing is from your background tell us a little bit about you've worked at some pretty important places I drink your stuff all the time coca-cola tell us a little bit about your background because I know that's where you learned a lot of how to develop these kind of plans you know sure is you know I started with companies like Johnson & Johnson City Bank and Coca-Cola so as an executive leader in those companies you know we learned a thing or two about planning you know and when I think about this plan it really goes back well beyond into my early years where we used to have Sunday dinner every Sunday when you were grandma house oh right and to listen and you know now when I talk about Sunday dinner I'm talking about the full spread yeah everything's homemade I'm talking with a flower a sift not the bag flower I'm talking real stuff I like homemade ice cream right oh the thing I loved about it is that we not only had a dessert we had a dessert table right all homemade fresh stuff how many people are at this this entire family this is a feast this is Christmas every Sunday right so you grew up with that I grew up with that but what's important about it is Sunday was a time for the Lord you know we started out with Sunday school and you know early morning of course Church 11 and you know I went to a church that we just got started three or four o'clock today it's 12 o'clock we're looking at our watch yeah but we know we just got warmed up and then guess what Sunday evening was revival of some sort so you know we had revival six seven o'clock but I tell you what I loved about revival we had some good chicken we had some good food so so obviously my life has been centered around a good family meal spiritually and also around the dinner table so you get married what 38 years ago tell us a little bit about your family you know married to a wonderful wife Wanda met at University of Illinois and Champaign-Urbana I think she followed me around for a couple of years at least that's the story I'm telling but you know we just met each other and fell in love and was married in 82 and been married going on almost 40 years so 39 years three beautiful kids two girls one boy they're all married now and have kids of their own so we're working on our number six grandchild for today but to come in my youngest daughter's expecting twins in a couple of weeks so so we're gonna be populating you know we're doing our part as a Chapman family to populate the earth here so we will have six grandkids congratulations that's awesome yeah talk a little bit about spiritual formation in your family because when I was reading through your life I listen you have a podcast yes it's called the Victoria's Friday Victoria's Friday right every Friday noontime we want to talk to you about what it means to plan as you said if you fail to plan you you just fail and so here's the idea our goal is for parents to really plant the seed to the answer to the question do your children believe because at the end of the day we're raising kids we have a responsibility there's some key things we have a responsibility to train and instruct him in the Lord I mean that's Ephesians 6 4 right talks about father's really I know he's asked where I was doing real well in that area of exasperation but he says to do what he says we got to bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord that's really family discipleship and so how do we become intentional in that process well to ask one of your earlier questions to come back and you know my wife was off on an anniversary trip and and we were just enjoying life and I thought I bring three questions we might as well talk about where we've been this is like no it's like you're ten oh yeah and I said you know where we've been these last ten years where are we now and where we're going and our kids were between 10 and 15 years of age and so we were talking about it having a great conversation and then one question came up that led to this whole thing are the kids prepared to defend their faith after high school your wife asked that my wife asked that question women are wise right and so you know we heard all the studies 68 74 percent of children walk away from the faith at the high school I have a different take on that but but we had heard that story and we wanted to address it as a youth director in the church you know you at least have to have some answers well guess what I didn't have a lot of what was going on in your family before that were you purposeful intentional about discipling your kids up to that point I would say we were not intentional well we were doing like most parents we all want to do the right thing sometimes we just don't know how and sometimes we just go where the wind is blowing and so we did a normal thing we take them to church we abdicated the responsibility of raising our kids to the church and to my wife quite candid with you I was building big businesses you know that was my priority that was what I was doing and I had abdicated that responsibility to my wife in the church and but yet I'm a youth director in the church and so as we move through that we started to think about this whole idea of sanctification this whole idea of process how we're gonna be intentional in training our kids in the Lord so we don't leave it to wherever the wind blows and what circumstances we're intentional and so as we were thinking about that question and she asked that question or are they prepared we came back with the response they're not prepared well in the loving life and the gracious wife that she is she just turns to me and say well what are you gonna do about it what am I gonna do about it what are you gonna do about it you're a spiritual leader at home I'm not the spiritual leader at home what are you gonna do and what is the church gonna do what are they doing and so she left me with this kind loving remark well in two weeks I want you to come back and tell me how we're gonna be intentional in raising our kids in the Lord. Oh she gave you a time table. She said that to you. Two weeks.

You got two weeks Terrence, 14 days. So what I do I go about it. She knew you though. She knew you're gonna meet that challenge. Either that or she was just trying to torture me. So we get into this mode well what do I know about this right I mean you know 68 percent of parents they feel totally inadequate to raise their kids in the Lord and I was feeling that at that moment yeah and so I began to think well what do I know I know how to write plans I've been writing some billion-dollar plans for a little small you know beverage company I think I could do the same here and so what do I know about that but more importantly what do I know about those 66 books those basic instructions before leaving this earth what do I know about that and how can I incorporate that into some systematized process to raise my kids in the Lord and so in two weeks I went back and said listen first we need to understand what are our values what do we really believe in to be true some of those values we knew some of those values were not yet and some of those values we needed to flush out a little bit more so we started to go through a process what's our values and then it's you know in any business plan you never think to start a business without a business plan you have to have a vision right you never start a ministry without a ministry plan you have to have a vision so what's on the horizon where are we taking on what's the destination I would recommend you have to really understand where you're taking them and for us we wanted our kids to fall madly in love with Christ Jesus we all long for that yeah so how do we get there becomes our mission hmm and you know we start to look at that and how do we plant seeds so did that answer to the question is very clear do our children believe it's not about what we do actually it's about what he's done on the cross so what do we need to do is to help them to understand who he is and what he's done and let them investigate the faith on their own and the Holy Spirit will move in such a way that they will come to know him and they will come to love him and they will come to walk with him out of pure joy hmm well it's interesting you know hearing you say that I think some men and women would resonate with I can do that others would be like I'm not sure how to even start so that's all in your book right do they do your children believe do you walk them through that in the book how do I sit down how do I figure out what our goal is what our vision is what our values are is it a workbook type thing where you can help families do that well you know we've been blessed for the last 12 and a half years to train over 100,000 parents on just that very thing walking them through in a one-day process we have what we call a do your children believe workshop it's a one-day workshop and we walk them through how to begin to draft such a plan you know when you start it it seems daunting right it seems like well I'm not a planner you know I don't know anything about this but we have a plan for our children it may not be written it may be in our heads but the idea if you write it down it gets done I mean there's plenty of studies that prove that point harvest said they did a study Yale said they did it but whoever's want to take credit for it probably came from a whole different University but what it says is as they study students from the class of 1979 83% did not have goals did not write them down they achieve less than the 3% that wrote their goals down looked at them every day lived them out and they accomplished more than the 83 did and so it's a very simple process that if you write it down you have to think about it and if you're thinking about it you have to pray about it and you have to go through this process but at the end of the day it gets done hmm and so that's what we found I do remember when I started help found a church 30 years ago one of the first things we did we went to a John Maxwell leadership conference and one of the simple things John said at the conference was if you don't think about leadership every day you won't lead so he's like every day take at least 15 minutes think about leadership look at principles I was like what how can that make it it makes all the difference so I mean as you're talking about being a parent thinking about spiritually forming our kids I think it's really easy for parents to say no it's the church's job that's the Christian school's job or the camp's job but you said no it's our job and you already hinted on this and you hinted that you don't agree with the statistic that 68% of kids after high school walk away what do you mean by that do they or don't they or what are you saying well they may walk away from the church but if they have truly been saved by grace they can never walk away so you know I believe we didn't earn it so we can't lose it we can't walk away from it now we may minimize it in our life and we may choose to live more in the world than we do in our spiritual side but but if we are truly saved if we have truly walking with the Lord I don't think we ever can walk away from something that we've never walked to in the first place and so I believe that walking too is the power of the Holy Spirit that draws us to him in such an intimate loving way it's permanent right so I can't gain my faith I can't lose my faith but kids like I did I mean we basically the disciplines of your faith may be minimized the reading of God's words to prayer life the worship life may decline especially during the college years I mean there's a lot of distractions during those years and so you may not prioritize that walk on a regular basis however the faith that the fact that that I have an intimate personal relationship with Christ I don't think can ever be abandoned Terrence I love hearing all that because I think it resonates with every listener take us back again to this pivotal point of your wife giving you a couple weeks to come up with your plan I'm picturing you as a very successful businessman and now you're coming up with this plan for your family take us on this journey of what happened after that did you stay in business how did you have the time thinking of listeners like I don't have the time what happened in your life yeah so we we prioritize what we desire and what we value and so what I value most is that my kids would have a personal relationship with the Lord you know dr. Richard black could be and you got something really a golden nugget from his father Henry he says you know Terrence God doesn't want your best for your family he wants his best for your family so the pressure that you're feeling it's not on you God is saying I'm not gonna lose not one that the Lord has given me and so the pressure was there in the sense man am I capable am I you know qualified to do this do I know enough am I a theologian enough to kind of figure out these truths and like I don't have to be a Phi Beta Kappa of theology what I have to do I have to be available I have to be willing and I have to be able to say I'm gonna invest time with the Lord so that I can invest time with my kids so here's where I started I started on my knees in prayer Lord I'm in your presence I have a heart to do your will and to teach your will and your truths to my children show me the way hmm lead me and guide me and direct my path so this isn't about what we do this is about what he does in and through us takes the pressure off it takes the pressure it takes the handcuffs off and that's what we want to do to parents you know the world puts handcuffs on you the Lord frees you from those handcuffs because it's by his grace that we have been saved so here's what we started starting on my knees in that prayer and I just went back and said what vision do I have where am I taking my kids you know if I want to go on a trip to Chicago I'm gonna map out the trip to Chicago right am I gonna figure out my mile markers which we call goals by the way and we simply say here's why I want my kids to fall madly in love with the Lord how does that work well you got to spend time in God's Word we have to be on our knees in prayer we have to worship as a family together and have conversations together on a regular basis and then how often did we do that now this is the real spiritual side yeah I'm busy I'm flying around the world I mean I think Delta still you know loves me and so forth and so I said well I do this once a month my kids say once a month what about once a week I'm like I can't do it once a week I'm too busy your kids were asking you to do it once a week once a week teenagers so the theologian that I am I see well what about twice a month you'll meet him in the middle we'll meet him in the middle I'm a compromise in negotiation high skill level so I said two weeks and they said come out and here's the beauty around the one month they said dad one month think about if you spent time with mom once a month how loving would that marriage be ouch moment right I am so impressed that your kids are saying this aren't you so my wife get on me about my kids once a month so yeah we said on two weeks and guess what we've been doing family devotions for 20 years now every other Sunday it used to be nine to ten we're getting older now it was eight to nine and now we do it virtual and they're married with kids we're still doing our family devotion those my job is to construct the year map it out and I'm kind of walking them through the process and every two weeks we're on the phone eight to nine and and now they're old enough they do the teaching they share in the teaching I tell you it's the best time we have over the week that's amazing give us a picture of like when it started your kids were teenagers did they seem interested I'm thinking you know our kids are looking at their washes when is this over were you discouraged all at the beginning so here's the beauty make it fun you know if I would have taken a plan hey guys I think we want to do a plan and let me talk about vision statements and this thing we say hey dad thank you so much you know have a nice day so I you know I did a little bit different approach I said listen we're gonna go up to Lake Lanier there's a log cabin up there and right outside of Georgia and we're just gonna spend the weekend together because we did that often we're gonna have fun and so what we're gonna do is we're gonna go play putt-putt golf and do a lot of other fun things that we love some fishing and different things and by the way I did win in the putt-putt golf tournament but that's a side story well you know our kids get it convenience the amnesia sometimes I have to bring them back to reality so we go out and we play putt-putt and we have a great time and you know how I started I just shared my story I said I just want to share my story I want to talk to you about my life before Christ how I came to Christ and my life after Christ and it wasn't an hour to our story because they weren't gonna sit for that long they're used to dad talking for that long but this time they gave me about three to five minutes I just wanted to share my story in fact when it's the last time that you as a Christian parent has shared your story with your child and when it's the last time you've heard their story if they're Christian hmm and so I shared my story I just had fun and then my wife shared her story and then because my kids were Christian they shared their story but if they weren't Christian I still wanted to hear their story right and so when they shared their story there was things I had never heard before and I just said praise the Lord so that's how we started and we just started sharing our story beautiful God's story in that right and the golden thread that kind of weave through all that process was Christ Jesus and so that's how we started and I think so many parents don't start and you already alluded to this because they just don't feel equipped I I don't know enough I've heard that many times as a passenger to church I can't really share Christ with my neighbor I do I don't know what to say and so they do nothing and obviously you started simple but I'm guessing over time it's grown right you're meeting every couple weeks did you feel like man oh man I gotta have something to share every every couple weeks well here's what we do we we go through a process and the goal process now we're going from vision mission all that and goals right where we're going so we have we've designed our whole devotional process around three goals we call them connection goes year one so your one theme is connection your two is commitment and your three is Commission I think your story is so encouraging Terrence because first of all you said you were praying like God what is in me what do I have to offer and he really did give you an idea and a plan and we're gonna get into that more but I like to that you started out with just your story your story of salvation the story of your life how Jesus led you to him and the same with your wife we often never share that with our kids and yet it's a pivotal part of our history and our legacy and I think that could be a great place to start with our kids and I think owning the fact that we as parents it's on us I mean it's really easy to farm it out yeah I think the church needs to do it in your eyes a pastor for church for years and yes we want to help families do that we want to be in partnership but we know we've got your kid for an hour maybe an hour and a half a week you've got them and yet we as parents and I would just say to the dads and moms listening it's it's your job and it isn't rocket science we can do this and we are responsible before God to do it so but Dave he also started out on his knees yeah that's the first step I know that the idea of guiding your family spiritually as a husband or as a wife this can feel like you're out of your league it can feel overwhelming you think I don't know where to start you think I'm not sure I'm making a difference what we've heard today from Terrence Chapman is we can begin to take some quick easy first steps in the right direction and then watch how God honors that how he blesses that Terrence Chapman has written a book called do your children believe becoming intentional about your family's faith and spiritual legacy he not only tells about his own journey toward that kind of intentionality but he maps out for us an easy to follow pattern so that we can begin to implement make some simple changes that will change the trajectory of your family spiritually we've got copies of Terrence book available you can go to family life today calm to request your copy or call 1-800 FL today again the book is called do your children believe order it from us online at family life today calm or call 1-800 3 5 8 6 3 2 9 that's 1-800 F as in family L as in life and then the word today now we are at the halfway point in the month of December less than 10 days from the celebration of Christmas so there's a lot going on right now here at family life we are continuing to hope and pray expectantly that in the next two and a half weeks we will see many of you step forward go online or call us and make a year-end donation to support the ongoing work of this ministry what happens over the next two and a half weeks is critical to what we're able to do in the next year about 40% of the money we need to operate will come in during the month of December and so what happens here in the next few weeks is is determinative for us fortunately we've had some friends of the ministry who have come to us and said they will match every donation we receive here at family life during the month of December dollar for dollar up to a total of 1.5 million dollars we've already been able to take advantage of a chunk of that money from the matching gift fund because some of you have already made donations thank you for your support we're still a ways away from being able to take full advantage of that million and a half dollar matching gift so we're asking you today would you make a year-end donation online at family life today calm or by calling 1-800 FL today be as generous as you can be whatever you give will be matched dollar for dollar if you give $50 we receive $100 total if you give $100 we receive $200 if you give 250 we get 500 you see how it works would you be as generous as you can be today go to family life today calm to donate or call 1-800 FL today when you do we'll say thank you by sending you a copy of a devotional book that will be great for you in the new year it's from the book of Psalms Dane Ortland has written 150 devotions from each of the Psalms and his book is called in the Lord I take refuge the book is our gift to you when you donate again online at family life today calm or by calling 1-800 FL today so we hope to hear from you thanks in advance for whatever you're able to do and please pray for us that we'll be able to take full advantage of this matching gift opportunity now tomorrow we're going to continue to hear about practical ways we can engage our family spiritually point our kids in the right direction help mold and shape their hearts with God's Word Terrence Chapman is back with us tomorrow I hope you will be as well on behalf of our hosts Dave and Ann Wilson I'm Bob Lapine we'll see you back next time for another edition of family life today you family life today is a production of family life a crew ministry helping you pursue the relationships that matter most