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December 14, 2021 9:00 pm
What is the mission of your family? Jefferson Bethke helps listeners evaluate what guides their decisions and why it matters.
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It's necessary for a healthy family to have a mission rife with young kids. We like to say make that your neighborhood be the person of peace in your neighborhood. The Lieut. talks about welcome to family life today where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most kind and will send Dave Wilson and you can find firstname.lastname@example.org or on our family life. This is family life today. Okay so you walk up to any family at a park at a church in a neighborhood asked them mom and dad what your mission for your family on my side when I went to what's the goal I have asked that multiple do not.
I've seen US that part of people?
Like all what you hope when you doing for your kids like you almost 95% of the time response that I hear, I just want him to be happy and I agree. Don't we all want for our kids. But how do you attain happiness with their lives be happy to be like you to change the world and then you get into the reality. Your kids are hitting each other how I do this again obviously were bring this up because families thrive. We have a mission most of the time and he said 95% is probably at least 90% mom and dad never invented through like I'm really what is our mission as a family.
What is God's mission for a family. I think that's a good question. They would get Jefferson monkey in the studio with us today, and I know Jefferson first. Both the welcome back to you and you thought a lot about this. You are like going as fast as you know, you really care about minority couple things you guys are smart thinking of his one is it's necessary for a healthy family to have a mission right and will… The second. What that means I can tease that out etc. put it as if you have a shared enemy than you become the enemy as we are still family. Like if you can't label or name a shared enemy right and even a simple thing like the forces of darkness or evil like you know that's just like we know those are, we can say this is in our city look like XYZ or something more specific, but you don't have that which most families don't then you become each other's enemy which is it's, like classic adage of life that like basically if you're not facing a direction with your team and your team serves to eat each other basically right as we can see that everywhere in the world and I was families all the time. So first letdown from the negative. On the positive side of that is a family find a mission in our work.
We try to lead a lot of families through that question. The first thing I would say that we found out is that asking about where think that we tend to overwhelm people to come to go the compass or to sync only on the field. I'm feeling you already I feel so couple things I would say one is one really practical thing I'll say in a second. But first to use the Scriptures like well you don't need to make it up because it's it's already in Scripture right we have been given a mission and there's always scissors to missions. Everything we have is the general and the particular the general is the Genesis 1, which like every single family is following in the footsteps of the garden mandate which is Genesis 215.
The Lord God put them in the garden of Eden to work it and keep it. Your job is to find a garden and walk and keep it that simple anything. By the way to the hyper spiritual is it we so I going to go on mission for the Lord. We need to go over here and do some really religious. Whatever right now using to find a garden and work and keep an eye with the garden garden is any place where you are making order out of chaos.
That's what Gardner does a gardener takes raw materials and the mixing beautiful or the raw materials and they feed someone was the only two possibilities regarding fixing beautiful and a few people so where would that be in metaphorically right.
That's the first question I would ask families like how is your team wired. How is your team been given certain resources, whether financially, whether emotionally whether personality like how was one of the resources of your team how your kids are wired.
The ages of them the gifts the talents of wiring as well as the two parents and how can you start to nudge those gifting's wirings and talents towards a particular garden point towards a particular place of making order out of chaos with young kids. We like to say make that your neighborhood that's a really easy one without overwhelming us are crazy you don't like your break is one thing to sometimes you will take this and they start going and sorting in church like crazy, which I love the church we serve in a church, etc., but there's also like you can burn yourself out the real fact that special little kids get the short play. I think a long place but you maybe don't serve in the church for the first 10 years of your family how you train your team so that then there strong enough after 10 years Texaco serve the whole world serve the church in a better capacity. Just like a short play for a long play is like train the team before you go out, but the neighborhood is a really good with little kids we talk about what men make where you live, a place of like be the person of peace in your neighborhood that Lieut. talks about so member that whether that's dinners with that's card for the neighbors like a cash like we we live in a neighborhood where we are the only Christians for five or six years. This last house we lived in and was so fun to see like I just was reflect on the day of like when we started whenever we do know anyone and we enter the neighborhood like everyone loved us. We just like the only was eventually were the only family in the neighborhood so everyone else is older as is a lot of old it was the only living now is you get a lot of people second homes and consumer etc. so, older people and is fascinating how we just we just leaned into it like you couple of them like one guys paraplegic in on the wheelchair so we would like help with stuff like in his house and bring the kids would come over and pick is the vegetable garden because you can do us all this stuff right making meals for people helping people.
And they have friends visiting a mocking door getting mail and so what that did is it's crazy how I like people enjoy just being around and it felt like we are the kids loved it. You mean that's a small when I was using the small season did that because sometimes with little kids you can just feel like have little kids were not doing anything meaningful to say.
Yeah, I did the same thing. Dave neighbors love both outside the US so many put it to his work and it was like we had a funny commitment in our house.
Our backyard is off limits. We what we only on the front yard keep her over constantly. They would knock on the door. Kids were like three by Mr. Wilson come out and play.
This is our ministry is your love you every smart one for the neighborhood is in your book. Take that which were talking about your also your mission of the Betty family. I think I can tell, yes your city. That way, no.
But in a beautiful family to look out so there's like a two students receive a young stage collect like you nailed it where the a lot of people young kids think I can do anything meaningful can do anything you don't know the most meaningful thing hospitality rightly got Jesus almost his entire ministry is hospitality. You can be hospitable. You can love your neighbor as you can serve them.
You can honor them.
You can be a person of peace in your neighborhood and I think you know what you get older you know, we say that's when you conservatives are starting businesses together. You can start serving together in the church. You can find out what your kids really are passion about nuclear teenagers. By the way, one of the big things. I think a lot of family, some do. They should be like those kids should be being able to be speaking into the family.
They should be only have a say in where the money goes. They should be having a sample, the more the resources go where the motion now the authority on those things, like you're back in the day, 13 or older adults should be here and let them, speaking to the mission.
I think that's one. One reason why a lot of kids actually leave the faith or just going to really dark season around teenagers and after is because they wouldn't give him anything meaningful will keep you safe and secure and entertained rather like you know, 12, 13, 14, as I meant how do you like it. Here's our money situation and we have this much to give. This year, what would you give it to. Who would you give it to. How would you get okay we can do that but you you wanted to. Sure, go ahead and you know that with our get reelected giving fund.
We call it where we put aside money every month and the base got the kids just get to contribute to answer the LWIK there was one time the kids like they brought some need of some girl who liked school supplies they heard about at the playground like both perfect, but there you go do that, you know, I think you can do that really large ways.
Once your kids are older because there driving like most many adults write them into projects missions business is whatever you said earlier, each of our kids brings a different part different gifts, different insights when our kids were teenagers reading our family needs to hear and see not getting my thoughts are important for us as parents to recognize it, and then to speak one of the questions would be okay.
So often the family is become inward.
Yes, protect take care of us on the consumer is you again. It's almost reinforced by the culture. How do you break out of that because you're doing that.
A mindset where the head coach of the team is saying this now over about were about to break out of nothing constantly trying to look outside causally asked the Lord to lead anyone. 1 Practical Way is we have our team meetings every week you mean no obviously we have little kids so the little ones are not really part of it is it's met at this point we call the coaches meeting because they stimulus and the will integrate the kids kindling is her oldest mostly at the end like it's costly having a with you have a weekly thing on the calendar of like we are a team.
Here is our mission here is where we exist.
Here's the list of things are trying to decide this week. It's crazy out that keeps you oriented another thing that I found fascinating with the Becky eight guiding principles I guess is yet we call helical fillers yeah yeah so yeah so the what we encourage families because again we try to work backwards not making anyone overwhelmed is one thing I say is okay. Think about your family like a house right or more of like a Roman colonial house with pillars.
What are the things that like hold your family up and what are the things that you notify your family and we can make like a stream of consciousness exercise. I just start naming one works right for things that are important to order things are valuable you you know and start writing this down come up with a list like 20 or 30 I just put in no wrong answers. But whatever like this kid likes is to like this likes you know this parent like this person water like, whatever, etc. and then just go through the exercise of eliminating them based on like how passionate are we really about that one. How much is everyone care about that one. So like that. What it does is it gives you the words to hold onto that don't just become this cute at the thing on the on the wall back to become a filter so like for Alyssa and me whenever having a hard time with a really big decision like minutes, someone's either asking us to do something or commitment or whatever we actually like put it through the pillars like that becomes our third person in the marriage that helps us to fly can decide things to put in and another to mother a total bonus for like married people what it does to is it takes the problem from outside of preference and puts it to I can agree to external right to sometimes an argument you can always be like well you just want to do that because it's your personality are not known.
I don't mind whatever when a marriage has agreed on a set of principles are going to guide the team that kind of what it does it, takes the deciding thing outside of personality, preference, and puts it into like an external reality that old people are submitting to scan. So yes I go to helpful lawyers. One of that love is. But you say we center the table and everything yeah so I also alluded that to that one with the neighbor one earlier like yet we just we care about hospitality, even to the point now we've almost start the transition with our summer business things in the more real estate and creating of all the stuff that we just care so deeply for us about creating spaces of hospitality welcoming people serving pastors and people in ministry always are types of layers.
Yes, there's that that part of it. I got enough Alco outward focused of us of our family very much cares about like inviting people to our house or table waiting on my concreting spaces for that but then internally as a family we think the tables everything because I think like there's a statistics is increased to sit by the way, I will think of all the benefits because it's like 30 benefits with like higher SAT scores less likely of being thrown in prison multiple all the I just every successful thing basically happens if you only eat dinner together as a family, a certain amount. I guess what. If you're above that threshold. In all these are true. What would you guess the number is.
I know it is like three or four crazy right so twentysomething meals are possible like that's just because most people just hi Mike 10 three like a breakfast Saturday dinner and like something this now very doable and and and I heard another person talks with research and says if there was a pill. By the way till you get all the benefits there'd be a line 5 lot yet all it is just a dealer. Three times in most was still doing something right, but it's very doable. It's crazy how it centers identity family story camaraderie connection in a rhythmic way over you years and also it's where I think a lot of biblical formation happens the table, you have a captured audience right and that's where we do anything we talk with the Lord opened the Scriptures. It's always over eating you number sure on the older might do some more stuff differently, but whatever.
But it's such a powerful mechanism we see Jesus always inviting people to tables. He's always sitting at tables we chronicling the kingdom is using the metaphor of Theissen tables. It's something that is very powerful why one my thoughts is a lot of families don't do that because their kids are so involved in so many other things. It pulls them away and some of those things are good gifts but talk about that a little yeah how do you decide to mom and dad with your kids Meagan three. See you as you get three elder of stuffer. This will get pretty passionate about. So were not saying just go doomsday and have all the kids inside all the time can't do anything whatever know nothing that but what I what I all child's most parents with is how come you're willing to sacrifice in all the other domains of your life but never for your family right so to me, but I like people almost feel guilty of saying like, no, we cannot go to that because tonight family night will do that or they feel really weird guilty there's no other domain of life or you do that your boss catches be like a ninja works when you get there. Someone just bite me some else you know does you can't get fired same school right you get a snatch of the school. Good. Well I got invited to a birthday party that they are watching artists I sent for support. Sorry is no other domain of our life. It is expected to like know you're in school.
She'll be here this time of day you have this job you will be here this time of day during a family. You will be here these times of the day like I don't know why we think that's weird.
I don't know why we think we can do that I think are so pressured in our culture when one of our ideas are oldest and we are talking about getting baseball. Your son hasn't signed up for.
You will never get on the right team.
I do remember there are one of her sons getting will remain in all it was a baseball team is the coach told me first.
I said hey be my assistant go to my okay let me think about what's going he said 80 games this summer. I said he summer how you play the game is all saying what you said your son will never play the next level. He realized that his vision you're making my will see. But that's all that that decision was the only parent to maintenance and everybody else is yeah close I been the co-tomatoes seem to never get here level housing get you exactly I do think yes sports are an absolute idle in the West.
I think it's where we most parents live vicariously through them. Weird identity things is that you see more signs of sports park. By the way, that say like that are instructing the parents how to talk just the right stuff you don't get in a fight with you kissing the parents we have weird idolatry identity issues with ports. So yes, of course, like don't just be like, you know this little hover of like your kids can't do anything but be strategic like your family is important, so let that reflect in your values, so I I grew up playing baseball. My whole life competitively slapped a resident of the ring.
You're saying only through college and just the intensity got insane, but I'm one kid there's just like it was a family value.
There is that they were going to go to church every Sunday, so everything currently play. He only played front and center, Saturday, and he never showed up on Sunday and he did fine writing with CI.
The gameplay dollars are called to as well. So it's like it's it's one of those things are just like let your values be your values and either like you know people been to it or you just move on its cannot you just just let it be.
Great family discussion.
Yes, he might let's talk about our values as a team and yeah what sports should look. Finally, know that we are hearing kids and what they want that fit along with who we are key are the Wilson thing you want one thing that we talk about the book and in family teams a lot is most teams have really high identity moments. These moments of like ritual and moments of like storytelling is moments of bonding right and so one way we say that's really easy to capture that is is create a family dinner night and I don't mean like where you eat the other me like F family D dinner like this, like create a weekly holiday a little bit right and so for us that Dr. Shibata goes 24 hours. You don't have to do that but just create one night one time in the week where you're showing by how you show over the table like we are important to each other. Everything gets to know that night. It doesn't matter right of delegates invited the kids get invited whatever and by the way, like that sounds really intense like we really that busy. Were we can't just like save you one night. One night, not even a day. Can you give me an hour and 1/2 block shouldn't be tough for all of us to just we can commit to this, and this will be in and make it special. You know, but I make it something that the kids want to come to take us into your house and tell us what it looks like so for us Friday night.
It's basically we always invite Alyssa's parents over something that's fun to make it a party at some sense unless you get overwhelmed by the hospitality side to maybe don't yeah exactly pizza paper plates. Whatever it is your job is basically just make a night feel so fun and special that they want to be there that right. That's all it is and then you know if you have grandparents. They deftly should be there. Put them on the seat of honor and just asked him a ton of questions like every Friday night we discovered dinner.
We do light a candle. We do, blessings etc. but when I fear parts that dinner is Alyssa's parents come over for dinner that they live by is my Prince of Washington and we just asking questions are the kids ask questions, and it's so fun because you know kids are naturally curious rights like it's not hard to lead me in Alyssa Stanback Missouri and I will most barely talk on the dinner because it quickly once the kids quickly want to ask and then it is always just ridiculous.
But it's so fun of like what was the first bike you ever had. Went to the first person you dated was the first job you like all these questions in the grandparents light up. By the way, because they get put on the seat of honor that our culture never does. I we tend to put grandparents on the fringes.
Don't lie. Don't love. So put on the seat of honor asking questions and so they light up and it's like a faint start screaming a family mythology realize how these tribal languages and cultures right sitting on a fire or even start.
Understand Deuteronomy a little better. Don't forget to tell your kids XYZ and then your kids kids and make sure you do this monument so anytime your kids ask you to me like it's his constant storytelling as I think is really really important so it's easy. It's actually pretty easy right have a dinner make it as fun and easy as possible so will be fun for the kids will be easy for you and then you start practicing exactly it right right away. Invite people into it and tell stories and it's crazy how sooner or later it becomes a really fun enjoyable night and then actually goes way deeper that unlike gluing the family together. You know, if we did anything right.
You know I have three sons, Doug grown married grandkids. That's one thing we do love that we call the Wilson family night tonight's love that I don't think we missed is ever missing some years of like Sam Friday night's cute kids are now doing exactly yeah I can remember. My favorite part of being a kid and this is even a family affair and that good people. My parents were amazing. Sitting around the table and grandparents hearing my parents, my siblings and family members sharing stories yes go to parties as a teenager because I knew they were having so much fun and I didn't want to miss what you said about create in this place of joy have when I was a teenager. The Baron family was known in our city square you want to hang out exactly the reasons I want to hear the great stories in general were seen, heard, as you want to hang out there because of what happened in your I think it's easy for us to remember and recognize how important and how powerful family is for the members of the family. How how important it is for our family to be strong and for each of us to be able to depend on one another. I think sometimes we forget what Dave and Ann Wilson were just talking with Jefferson Becky about and that is that other people are watching our family has a reputation in the community. We are as a family representing Jesus to our community, and I think a good question for us is how are we doing with that. What kind of a statement are we making Jefferson Becky's book take back your family deals with the importance of family structure, not just for our own spiritual and emotional health, but for our witness to the world and we got copies of this book available you can go to our website. Family life to.com to order a copy or you can call one 800 FL today. Again, the title of the book is take back your family by Jefferson Becky. Order your copy email@example.com or call to order 1-800-358-6329 that's one 800 F as in family L as in life, and then the word today. I have never forgotten something that I heard Dr. Bill Bright say once he was the president and founder of campus Crusade for Christ, now known as crew family life is a part of the crew. Dr. Bright said if we can win the family we can win the world. He recognized how significant marriage and family is in God's plan for the church. God's plan for the world God's plan for culture and society and the family life. We believe that to effectively develop godly marriages and families is one of the most significant things we can be doing. That's our mission here at family life.
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