Marriage: The Mission and Mystery

And this is my lot in life, to love her even as my own body for the rest of my days, like that's what I'm doing, right? So I'm trying to identify her needs, anticipate her needs, and at every moment meet her needs however I can, laying my life down for her. And that's my role.

And in that, the Gospel is displayed. Welcome to Family Life Today, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I'm Ann Wilson, and I'm Dave Wilson, and you can find us at familylifetoday.com or on our Family Life app.

This is Family Life Today. So today we get to listen to part two of a great message from Jonathan Baklouda on marriage that he gave at his church, Harris Creek Baptist Church in Waco. He's a great friend. He's a really great communicator and preacher, too. Yeah, and he got into some good stuff in part one.

He talked about the S word. Submission. And sacrifice, actually. And this next part is just as great.

You're going to love it. Verse 26, back in the Scripture, it says, to make her holy, to make her holy. What's a word, to make holy? What's a word that, if we said that in one word, what would it be?

To make holy, I heard it. Sanctify, sanctifications, a ten-cent seminary word that means to make holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word and to present her to himself as a radiant church without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body just as Christ does the church. Back to Jesus and the church, guys.

For we are members of his body. It goes, wives, husbands, marriage, Jesus, church, marriage, wives, husbands, marriage, Jesus, church, marriage. He's talking about something more than what you think here. Marriage is different than what you think. And when he says washing her as with water through the word, he's not talking about baptism.

He's talking about the word of God, the gospel implanted in us but also the word, the 66 books that God has left us with to give us all of the instruction that we need for godliness, the Scriptures, the Bible. And what's interesting to me is like sometimes in this idea of women submit, men sacrifice, I think it's like reverse. Like sometimes I think as guys, we're better off at submitting and it looks like abdicating. Like she's asking me, hey, how much do we want to give to Midway schools? I'm like, I don't know. I don't care.

Can you just figure it out? Can you just handle that? When she's saying, hey, will you partner with me in this? Will you take an interest in what I'm doing right here? Because I've got to make a decision here. And what I'm really telling you is I prefer not to make it by myself. Can you just go?

And women are so great at sacrificing. Generally speaking, like, hey, I'll give up everything. I'll follow you. Let's go. What do you want?

What do you need? But I think their roles are different because God wants to produce something different in us. Sanctification, the mission of marriage is sanctification through service. The mission of marriage is sanctification through service.

Sanctification means becoming holy. Bruno Mars says, I love you just the way you are. We all like that. Oh, I'm somebody that just takes me right where I am. Like, I will tell you in this church, you're welcome. Everybody's welcome. There's not anybody on the planet Earth that's not welcome in here. No matter where you are, no matter what your struggle is, right, you are welcome. But if you're like, are you going to ask me to change?

Of course. That's why you would come in here because you desire to grow in holiness, to become more like God. We all are on that mission. We're all changing. Sanctification means changing. And so don't marry them hoping that they'll change, that they'll become someone else. You could choose anyone that you want. You have the whole world to choose to who you're going to marry. And I will tell you, and people do change sometimes in ways that you didn't want. A friend of mine who I just tremendously respect, their perspective on this topic.

They've wrestled with this as much as anyone I know and they said this. Don't go into it, that is marriage, don't go into it thinking you can change someone. And if you're already there, meaning in marriage, let go of thinking you can change your spouse. Only God can change their heart.

But they have to want it. And so your role is a lot of prayer. Not an effort to changing them, but a lot of prayer. We see this in 1 Corinthians 7, we really see it throughout the scriptures.

1 Peter. This concept of trusting God to do the changing radically changed my marriage. Because I went into marriage and I thought like year one was just the honeymoon, it's all fun.

Year two it got hard and I thought my role is I'm the parent. Like I just, I need to like, I need to, you know, leadership means telling people what to do is what I thought. What I stupidly thought. And what would happen is we were constantly playing tug of war. She would say something, I would say you're not going to do that and she'd pull the rope and I'd pull the rope and we'd just go back and forth playing tug of war. A real example, I'll give you, it's a silly example but it actually happened. She came and she said, hey I think I need a new car.

Right? And the way I responded to that was, what? We're not going to get you a new car. You see when I do this thing with my eyebrows, like here's what she would hear, you're so stupid. You think we're actually going to get you a new car, what is wrong with you? And what she would do is she would go, well, that's what I really want and she'd pull the rope. And I would say, well that's because you're not going to get one.

I'd pull the rope and we'd go back and forth, back and forth. And one day I was in study in the Word and it was like the Lord just said to me or revealed to me through his Word, wait, AJP, she has the Holy Spirit? She's one of the surest voices of me in your life. She's my provision to you and you don't have all things figured out. You have no idea what I want to do. You have my revealed will but you don't have my mysterious will. She's a way that I'm going to make known to you my mysterious will. You need to listen to her. And what that gave me the freedom to do in that really silly scenario is when she says, hey, I'd really like a new car.

I don't have to like parent, if you will. I can say, really? What kind of car?

Like this can be, let's think about it. Let's train. I don't know, what kind of car do you want? Oh, a Suburban? Man, that's, what color? Oh, black.

Yeah, like with CIA. Let's go. And what color interior? Oh, light because we're in Texas and it's hot.

Yeah, leather probably too. That would be fun. And we can just get excited about it.

And maybe, you know, at the end of that, you know, I don't know that we can afford that. But because that's what you want, let me go look. Let me do the research. Let me listen.

Let me dive in. And now she feels loved. Even if I come to that scenario where it's like, hey, I don't think we can do that.

Just the fact that I would put in the work and listen to her, she feels cared for. And we all can do that. And we did it when we were dating.

And at some point the flower died. So we serve each other. She says, love even as their own bodies.

Even as their own bodies. What does that mean? When my body's hungry, what do I do? I eat. I find food. So to love her, even like my body, like when I feel hunger pains, my body's sending a signal.

There's a light flashing, hey, you're hungry, you need to eat. And so I do that. But now these two have become one flesh. Her life has melded into mine, right? And welded into mine, melted into mine. And so now I'm seeking her best interest.

Let me tell you what this looks like for me. So I love to sleep, right? Like when it's bedtime. I love to, I'm kind of obsessed with getting a good night's sleep so that I can attack the day, the next day.

And so I'm counting my hours, all of that stuff. I like it when it's cold. So right now, when it's cold outside, like that's the perfect time.

Like I loved it. We have one of those foam mattresses. I get all snuggled up in there. I got a down comforter.

It's amazing. Snuggled up in there. The temperature set just right. And I'm like, and she gets in bed and we're in bed and like it's bedtime and we've set our prayers together. And I'm out, like I'm sleeping.

I'm already dreaming. You know, I'm there. And she's like, hey, babe. You know, you do the same thing.

You know, we've been listening to Jonathan Pacluta talk about marriage from Ephesians 5 at his church. But I got to ask you, why? Because I'd be there. I mean, I go to bed before you. I'm knocked out. And it's almost like, are you asleep?

Yes. Yes, of course I'm asleep. Hey, babe.

I don't even know how you fall asleep that quickly. As women, men, we have things on our minds. We've got things we're going through. And I'll say this to you, too. I'll be in bed. And all of a sudden I'll say, hey, babe, did you hear that? You're asleep. Of course I didn't hear it. I'm asleep.

You so sweetly get up and check out what that noise was. You are living the gospel. I guess I am. And don't forget this. JP will be speaking on the Love Like You Mean It cruise this February.

Yes. Come on the cruise with us. We want you to come. In fact, if you sign up now, you get a special discount because you don't want to miss it.

You get speakers like JP and others. And it's a fabulous week. All right. Let's go back and hear the rest of this great message. Hey, babe. Hey, babe. It's always like, hey, babe, are you sleeping?

No. What's up? What do you need? What's going on?

What you got? I'm thirsty. That's interesting. She's thirsty, right? And so to me to love her as my own body, I'm out of bed and I'm getting some water because she's thirsty and this is my lot in life to love her even as my own body for the rest of my days. Like that's what I'm doing, right? So I'm trying to identify her needs, anticipate her needs, and at every moment meet her needs however I can, laying my life down for her. And that's my role. And in that, standing at the refrigerator when I want to be sleeping, getting some water, trying not to wake the kids with the ice machine, the gospel is displayed in a tiny way.

The gospel is displayed. And I'll tell you, if you don't like to serve, you will not like marriage. And if you don't want to change, you will not like marriage.

Because both of those are in the mission of marriage. I will tell you something. You got to hear me on this, man. She's like the smoke alarm of your home. Long before anyone sees the fire, there's smoke. Maybe you can't smell the smoke.

Hopefully before anyone can smell the smoke, the smoke alarm can and it begins to beep. And you may not see that anything's wrong, but that's when you listen in and you start doing your research. What's bothering her, right?

I don't see it. She's not able to explain it. There's something going on, but she's beeping and I need to just stop and look around because she can sense things. I don't get it.

I don't know why God made us this way, but she can sense things before I can. And so when she's beeping, I need to stop everything and think, okay, what is it? Is it schools? Is it kids?

Is it finances? Is it work? Am I gone too much? I just sought to understand in this season.

Have I been short? What is it? Listen, listen, listen. Ask good questions and listen.

Don't get defensive. Sit on your hands and listen. She's like the smoke alarm. Now, women, I got to tell you something. Guys, I don't know if we can go earmuffs on this.

See, I just, because here's why. Because men seem to like, we're more likely to be like, hey, did you hear him? I'll talk to you this entire time, guys. You'll get in the car and be like, hey, did you hear that one thing you said that you need to do?

And so, so just try to tune me out on this because I just want to talk to the ladies for a second. Men, you do not, you are not allowed to ever bring up what I'm about to say. Ever. Okay? Don't ever.

Once you bring it up, you've lost, okay? Women, there's nothing more annoying in the world than a smoke alarm going off for no reason. I mean, anybody been there like in the middle of the night?

It's like the battery, right? And you can't, like it's going off, but there's no fire, there's no smoke, you know, and it's just beeping. So just stop, slow down and say, hey, what's really bothering me? Try to get your arms around it. That may take a quiet time. You may feel something, right? You may sense something, but you're not exactly sure what it is.

Go get a quiet time, sit down, get a journal, begin to write, begin to think so that when you come, you can say, hey, here's what's bothering me right now. And you're able to articulate it in such a way that we're not going from smoke alarm, smoke alarm, smoke alarm, trying to figure out is it the battery or because one of these wires disconnected and now they're all linked together. Maybe it's one in the drawer. I don't even know, you know, and it's late.

So just know that. Try to understand what's wrong before you bring it. For this reason, something you can ask tonight is where am I not meeting your needs? For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife and the two will become one flesh. This is a profound mystery, but I'm talking about Christ in the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself and the wife must respect her husband. There's a great book out there called Love and Respect.

I commend it to you. But if you don't read it, I can summarize the entire book that women want to feel loved and men want to feel respected. And there's this idea that now Paul and the Holy Spirit through Paul is giving full picture to that marriage is about this profound mystery of Christ in the church. And I don't know that we really can clearly articulate that.

I don't know that most of us like you didn't come in here. And when someone says, what is marriage? You didn't say, oh, it's a profound mystery about Christ in the church. Most of us, when we think about marriage, we think about what Hollywood taught us, what the world taught us, what others have taught us. But the mystery of marriage is this.

It showcases the savior. The mystery of marriage is that it showcases the savior. In ancient Jewish traditions, a Hebrew boy, when he was ready for marriage, he would be at his father's house. And what he would do is he would leave his father's house. He would go into other cities, other communities, far away lands. And he would begin to look for a wife. And when he would find a suitable wife for himself, his dad would come behind him and pay what was called a dowry. They would sip from the same cup, a toast of sorts, and they would be betrothed to one another. And then what he would do is he would return to his father's house and he would begin to build a room on his father's house called the bridal chamber, a room for them to live in.

All right. And so she doesn't know when he's going to return for her at an hour and a time that she does not know. But it's whenever he finishes this room. So what she's doing is she's not out continuing to interview guys or do other things. She's getting her wedding party together, her bridesmaids, if you will. She's making a dress.

She's making all the preparations for the wedding. And then when he's done with that room, he gets his boys, his groomsmen, if you will. This is thousands of years ago even. And then he begins to go to that faraway land. And they didn't have text message or phone call or even letters at this time. So the way they would send word is they would just yell out in front of you. You'd blast a trumpet. And you'd say, hey, John is coming for Jane.

John is pursuing Jane. And that word would go in front of them from town to town. They'd blast trumpets and they'd yell. And they would go from city to city until they got to this faraway land where his wife was. And when that word would get to her, she would grab her girl, she'd grab her dress, she'd grab the preparations and they would go back together to that bridal chamber. And they would be in there for seven days. Or they would make love for seven days. Meanwhile there's a party going on outside.

Hashtag awkward. And seven days later, seven days later, he would present his bride to his family for the first time. And so when Jesus says, where I'm going, you will follow but I'm going to prepare a place for you.

In my father's house there are many rooms. And I will return for my bride. It means something so much more than we think. There's this profound mystery in marriage where the gospel is displayed. See, the entire Bible has two very important messages. It starts with one in the first chapter of the first book in the Bible, Genesis 1 26. It says, God said, let us make mankind in our image and our likeness so God created mankind in his own image.

In the image of God he created them male and female, he created them. It goes on to say, that is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife and the two become one flesh. That's the first wedding. The first wedding ever in the history of history. And it was a temporary wedding. And then the whole Bible, these 66 books, it ends with another wedding. It's a different wedding. It's a permanent wedding, one that lasts forever. It's Revelation 19 says, let us rejoice and be glad and give him glory for the wedding of the lamb has come and his bride has made herself ready.

Has made herself ready. Chapter 21, one of the seven angels who had seven bowls full of seven plagues came and said to me, come I will show you the bride, the wife of the lamb. And so this book that we, you know, learn everything we need to know about God in or what it tells us about God, the gospel, it starts with a wedding, a temporary wedding and it ends with the wedding, a permanent wedding. And we will be, most of us will be part of both of those kinds of weddings. But anyone who's trusted in Christ will certainly be a part of this permanent one.

The one that lasts forever, that's us. Husband and wife, male, female, boy, girl, married to our bridegroom Jesus Christ forever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever. And marriage showcases this reality in ways that I can't fully comprehend. But when you think about who's teaching you about marriage, you gotta start with Jesus because the mandates of marriage are submission and sacrifice. The mission of marriage is sanctification through service and the mystery of marriage is it showcases the savior.

What God's gonna do is he's going to create a marriage that's unbreakable, one that's permanent, that lasts forever. All we know is people that do this. Oil and water, they repel each other. They're always, you see how it's separated again, even after we mixed it up, it's separated. Oil and water. What's interesting is, you know what the two primary ingredients of mayonnaise is?

Anybody know? Oil and water. But somehow they figured out how to make them stick and not separate in that jar.

Anybody know what it requires? An emulsifier. An emulsifier. An emulsifier takes one of those water molecules and one of those oil molecules and it bonds them together. In mayonnaise, the emulsifier is eggs.

There's something about eggs that takes water and takes oil and bonds those molecules together so that it doesn't separate. In marriage, the emulsifier is Christ. You will not have a marriage as God has intended without Christ being at the center of it.

It is impossible. The God who invented marriage, the one who invented it and told us what it is, told us what it looks like, you can't have it without Jesus. I sat recently with a couple who have been married for more than three decades. They're professional people. Their children are grown and their marriage is in a tough spot.

They've lost hope that it can be better. But as we've heard today from Jonathan Pacluta, if Christ is in the center of a marriage, there is reason for hope. He can bring beauty from ashes.

He can restore what the locusts have eaten. If you are interested in hearing Jonathan Pacluta's complete message, it's available on our website at familylifetoday.com. You can download the podcast and Jonathan is going to be joining us in February on the Love Like You Mean It marriage cruise that is setting sail from Port Canaveral. I mean, last year we were not able to cruise because of COVID. We had a virtual cruise, but this year we're back on board and all heading out into the Caribbean for a great week away where we can focus on one another.

We can draw closer to each other, draw closer to God. A great lineup of speakers on the cruise, including David Ann Wilson, the Kendrick Brothers, Dr. Julie Slattery, Ron Deal, others like Jonathan Pacluta who are going to be joining us. We'd love to have you join us as well. In fact, we've got a special offer for Family Life Today listeners right now. You can save money on your stateroom if you sign up between now and October 4th, and the cruise is filling up quickly. So let me encourage you, if you'd like to join us, now is the time to get in touch with us. Call 1-800-FL today to find out more or to register for the cruise or again, go online at familylifetoday.com for more information.

Safety protocols are in place. Cruising is happening again. It's safe to be back on board a ship. So we'd love to have you join us. Again, go to familylifetoday.com for more information or call 1-800-FL today if you have any questions. And we hope to see you on the Love Like You Mean It Marriage Cruise in 2022. Now, tomorrow we're going to hear a message from filmmaker Alex Kendrick, who, as I said, is going to be joining us on the Love Like You Mean It Marriage Cruise in 2022. Alex shares with us tomorrow about how the relationship between God and his people gives us a picture, a template to follow in our relationship with one another in marriage. That comes up tomorrow. Hope you can tune in for that. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I'm Bob Lapine. We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of Family Life Today. Family Life Today is a production of Family Life, a crew ministry helping you pursue the relationships that matter most.