Freedom In Christ: Lie or Life?

This guy walks up to me and he says he asked this question and he says hey will you commit to staying sober for the next 24 hours? I'm like you don't know what's going on in my life bro like I'm falling apart at the seams I'm living on the couch like maybe you didn't hear what I shared I don't need a day I need like a lifetime of help I need something serious. Welcome to family life today where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I'm Ann Wilson and I'm Dave Wilson and you can find us at familylifetoday.com or on our family life app. This is family life today. Okay so we had an interesting drive home four hours in the car and you decided to make a phone call out of nowhere oh you're talking about my sister yeah you're talking about our visit to see my dad and we started talking about your family. Are you sharing this today?

I figured you know this is where we're headed today so go ahead and tell them I didn't know this was gonna happen. Well a lot of you know that Dave has a background where both parents were alcoholics there was a lot of abuse adultery it was pretty painful and as a result of that out of the four kids that are still alive none of you really touch base with one another. We talk about once a year. Maybe. Well with one brother once a year the other is not so much.

Maybe once every three. Okay you don't have to make it so bad. Anyway we were talking about you have no memories of growing up and so I was like oh we should call your sister and I didn't even have her number so I googled her and looked her up because she's a therapist and we called her and talked for two hours straight. Yeah the bottom line the reason I'm bringing it up is you know Ann asked my sister Pam tell us about you know growing up and the divorce and she starts sharing things I don't remember any of this I was one to six years old.

And you have no memories of your childhood. Just abuse neglect two drunk parents almost every night parties all I know is I was listening to a story almost of a family I didn't even know existed but it was my family and my parents who were addicts. And you were really quiet during the whole conversation why were you so quiet what was going on? Are we gonna do a counseling session now?

I'm just curious. I would think I was in trauma I was like I can't believe this was my life you know listening to the fallout of addiction and today we get to talk about that because not my family so much but a lot of families have similar stories in some way and there's hope and there's actually help for people to go through that so we've got an author and a speaker and a pastor with us today who wrote a book sort of dealing with addictions. John Almar thank you for coming to family life today welcome. This is all my honor I'm so thankful to be with the two of you I said recently these are like longtime friends that I've just met I'm so thankful. Yeah well you're sitting over there with a smile on your face when you're hearing this what was the smile? The smile is the redemption that Jesus brings the smile is thank you Lord that you pulled me out of my wreckage before I had children. The smile is that you all are sitting here having an honest conversation because everybody's got something they're dealing with and not everybody's talking about it. The smile is the fact that you guys are using your platform here at family life today in your lives so that others can have hopes that others can start talking about their pain and come out of the freedom that is available there in Christ and so there's a whole lot behind that smile and I'm so thankful. Yeah it's good to have you here I mean a lot of people don't know that you lead as a pastor at Watermark Church in Dallas you lead one of the biggest recovery ministries in the country in the world called regeneration on Monday nights over 1,200 people yeah show up I mean I didn't know the details on that until I read your bio as a speaker and a pastor and a father and a husband a father of three kids right yes so you've got a lot going on but I mean I pastored for 30 years and I believe the recovery ministry is one of the most critical ministries in any church it's like the front door that people don't realize that's where a lot of people step in to get exposed to the gospel and the church and so we want to talk about your story a little bit because you wrote a book called freedom starts today overcoming struggles and addictions one day at a time and this isn't just somebody else's story this is your story so tell us a little bit about your story I wrote the book that I needed when I was zero days sober so I had heard two things when I was a kid I heard that sin leads to death and I heard that there's freedom in Christ and I thought there were both lies I thought there were scare tactics and control tactics by youth pastors sin leads to death I was like no it doesn't nobody nobody gets drunk gets high sleeps with a girl and dies they don't drop dead in fact they're having a lot more fun than I am and then I heard freedom in Christ I'm like there's not freedom in Christ it's bondage he keeps me from doing everything I want to do and so I rejected all of it I walked away I think I was more of a deist I thought God existed but he had nothing to do with me I got the money I got the girl I got the job I got the fraternity office like whatever it was it was my hard work that efforted towards it was like Jacob in the Old Testament like throwing sticks and water thinking I was the one doing it when all along it was God sustaining me and helping me now when you when you say you heard these these what you thought were lies yeah is that because you grew up in a family that took you to church I mean where'd you hear these kind of yeah so yeah we call them truths but at that time you thought they were they were truths yeah for sure they were truths took me a long time to come face to face with them in the reality of it so we grew up going to church this old Presbyterian Church in Springfield Missouri my parents sent me off to a Christian summer sports camp every summer they'd save up their money to do that I heard the gospel and loved me loved my son loved pleasure more than I loved God loved the popularity became a chameleon like just chased after the world and so at the age of 30 with a loaded 12-gauge shotgun to my head I realized sin leads to death hmm it just sometimes has a really long fuse but it absolutely led to death relational death financial death physical death I had three doctors tell me if you keep drinking like this you're going to die but that point my life was like I hope I do like I don't want to commit suicide and hurt my family but if I die because of drinking then that probably will hurt them a little less that was foolish in my own thinking really selfish but that would have been an escape yeah I read I read last night actually as I was going through your book I I turned to and I said hey let me read you what John wrote in the introduction which you just mentioned but at the end of this introduction you said I was drinking with two homeless guys in Austin Texas I was lonely I told them to come sit with me and I would buy them whatever they wanted this was a new low for me and my family knew at $500 and eight hours later my big brother was on a one-way flight to Austin to put me in my own car and bring me to Dallas for a family intervention so that's where you start the book but I'm just curious so you grew up like now I'm just a deist what happened in between that part where I'm rejecting God and I have a gun to my head like when did this problem you thought I have a problem and I'm guessing it took a while yeah the rejection of God was a slow cooker thing I think as an eight-year-old I you know may have trusted in Christ but what happened is I thought he saved me eternally and then I had to follow all the rules this side of eternity and that became this crushing weight that I couldn't I failed over and over and over again we all do but as a kid I was like I can't keep all of your stupid rules like I'm just a colossal failure whether it was girls or obedience but I failed again and again and again and so finally was like alright I guess the problem is not you it's me and so I'm done and just walked away I thought that he just saved us from hell when we died so that became this drift of like I can't do this and the way the law was was crushing me it was to reveal the holiness of God and the sinfulness of me and should have pushed me more to a daily walk with my Savior but I didn't so you know that or grasp it until I was 30 you just gave in to all of the temptations to all the desires yeah yeah I was like I'm done fighting this and failing so I'm just gonna like go for it maybe I won't go to hell when I die because of some prayer I prayed when I was eight I think I probably would have and you know I'm hesitant to share this part of the story often because I my sin is what got me to the place that I was make no mistake about that but it didn't happen in a vacuum so I met a girl at a party we got married soon thereafter it felt like love everyone told me you'd know when you felt it it was just infatuation you know we're having sex it was euphoria so we got married quickly and two years into that marriage she began having an affair with one of my friends and at that point in my life because I built my world on money status my career and advertising my things our cars our house our lake property I'll just just world which the world would say wow you have it all which is why no one ever thought I had a drinking problem like you don't have a drinking problem you're doing amazing written up in advertising magazines and like you're doing well I was not doing well and go figure that someone would have an affair I'm gonna train wreck of an alcoholic husband you know bringing weed pills into the relationship even brought porn into the relationship I mean of course I was running for the world and she was probably running for love and so when I found out about that affair I went from a functional alcoholic to a dysfunctional alcoholic and I loaded my shotgun I called my buddy probably a hundred times in a row hunting him it's like you're dead then I'm dead murder suicide like I'm not gonna spend life in prison I have nothing else to live for I'll kill you and then I'll kill myself I want out I'm done feel like a dog chasing my tail is this really all I'm gonna do is just work for the next 40 years of my life to like get up work hard eat drink get drunk try to escape the crushing anxiety of the pressure of the world sleep get up go to work get drunk like I'm just not gonna do it and so the reason why I say I'm hesitant to share is because some people might hear that and be like oh well my husband wife has been unfaithful so I'm gonna go that path to worked out for John it'll work out for me I sought after her with the gospel probably 12 times to ask her forgiveness for being married to an alcoholic and they ultimately got married had kids that door was forever shut I would never prescribe someone to chase down that path of divorce it was so destroying us what God used as the anvil to just crush me turn me over to my son let everything unravel and there with that gun to my head and doctors telling me I was dying of alcoholism he got my attention I realized sin led to death and I also realized when I heard there's freedom in Christ I didn't want freedom because I didn't know as a slave to sin at the age of 30 an alcoholic sleeping on a couch losing everything I was like I need freedom I am desperate for freedom and I can't get free from this that it's bigger than me and he did not treat me as Psalm 103 says as my sins deserved there's no timeout there's no penance he just grabs you wraps you up like a father that he is mmm pulls you out of the fire and doesn't make you better he did not make me better he made me new altogether new well you know as you were telling that part of your story I'm sitting here looking across the table thinking man that is not who you are that's who you were but you know I can almost not even believe it you know cuz I had lunch with you and read your book and I'm like this is not who this guy was but it really was the life you were living but take us back to how the transformation took place because you show up with your brother showing up and saying there's a there's an intervention you're still wallowing in your sin sure what that intervention look like yeah so those homeless guys I'm gonna still can see myself sitting there Stephen F Austin Intercontinental Hotel on Congress Avenue in Austin Texas and he found out put me in my car drove me back and this isn't like a formal intervention like the TV show this is just like them I don't think they knew what they were doing this was motivated out of love I don't think they knew they were following Matthew 18 of like if your brother since John was fault if he doesn't listen take two or three others they were widening the sphere of influence I get to Dallas my parents are there waiting and they say we love you too much to let you do this you're hurting yourself you're hurting us and you're not going back I mean what do you think when you walked in there do you think I'm fine this is ridiculous I was an alcoholic really it's like when you're drinking friends tell you you drink too much you have doctors telling you like you you are but I just no I didn't because you know when you're in sin you're usually hanging out with people who sin like I it was normal my life was normal for the people that I was with I mean awesome John like sitting on a street with the homeless guys you didn't think like okay I'm kind of at a low here no I mean my buddies came and joined me eventually they're like oh this is cool we'll come we'll come hang out too it was it was normal Wow which tells you how far gone I was and I just wanted them off my back but family I mean I was going through detox in my brother's house it was like horrific demonic nightmares I was an insomniac I'd stopped eating paranoid like it was just I mean truly I think God was like I'm gonna turn you over to it until you yield until you surrender and which is the story of the prodigal son right like that's what he that the father says okay you can go and we overlook this part we're often like he would long to eat the pods the pigs were eating and then he came to his senses and it's like no he didn't come to his senses he came to his senses because of this line that we leave out no one gave him anything if someone would have gave him something he just stayed in the distant land yeah that's all he wanted but it was that turning over to depravity like I have nothing that moved him to return and so in that nothingness not even thinking I'm an alcoholic I was like hey I'll go to AA I don't even know what alcoholics anonymous was I just wanted them off my back and so I did and I walk in that first night and this guy that I thought he was drunk I thought he smelled like alcohol is probably me but they asked me this question that I thought was so simple it was stupid I'm like this is so worthless like how is this gonna help we're gonna sit around in a circle and tell each other our old war stories about drinking and somehow this is magically gonna make me a better person this is worthless I'm so out of here a you can go there for sobriety but not theology so anyway I'm like I'm so done and this guy walks up to me and he says he asked this question and he says hey will you commit to staying sober for the next 24 hours I'm like you don't know what's going on in my life bro like I'm falling apart at the seams I'm living on a couch like maybe you didn't hear what I shared I don't need a day I need like a lifetime of help I need something serious so you did share it group yeah I think the Holy Spirit moved me I was sitting in this a circle and they asked the moderator said is there anyone here that will commit to staying sober for the next 24 hours it was more I mean heart pounding through my chest and all while I'm just looking around like these people are idiots this is stupid get me out of here yeah yeah yeah I don't belong here yeah totally but it was like the Holy Spirit was compelling me out of my chair like I have to walk forward and then there was the bait and switch question he said hey so you want to quit drinking so you walk forward I did it anybody else no no so you want forward I walked forward he says so you want to quit drinking I was like well you didn't ask that no I don't want to quit drinking but I know that if I don't I'm sitting on a time bomb and the moderator was like oh yeah sorry will you commit to staying sober for 24 hours I'm sure just like whatever and this guy afterwards he said hey so if you're gonna do this if you're gonna commit to staying sober for 24 hours you're gonna need somebody to walk through with you're gonna need to call me tomorrow talking like the big Lebowski like Austin Texas like of all the people that could help me like it's you like judgmental oh yes yes who am I to point the finger at anyone at this point but but you were so I did I committed to staying sober for 24 hours and he's like all right so what time is it I'm like it's six he's like great call me tomorrow at six and he's like oh pray and ask God to help you stay sober okay whatever so I do next day so you do pray that yeah but super flippant yeah super like I don't even know if you're listening or if you'll do anything next day call this guy he's like hey so did you do it I'm like dude yeah stayed sober if that's what you mean was it hard just be sober for 24 hours even my phone starts blowing up like it does every night like hey let's go down to the pubs let's go down to Fourth Street let's go down get on town like I'm like no I'm not and I said at this all-night diner and I read the first hundred pages of a a big book I read a different book these days so he called the next day I call him and he's like just a sober and I was like yeah he's like see you didn't drink I was like no it's like by God's strength I'm like I don't know he's like well did you pray like yeah it's like great it was by God's strength do you want to go in under 24 hours I was like hey Charlie I know you mean well like I really think you're trying to help me but how long are we gonna do this like 24 hours 48 hours like I need real help and kind of go off on a rant Adam and he's like mm-hmm yeah you done right will you commit to staying sober for the next 24 hours because you're thinking I need more than 24 hours I this is a long-term yeah I'm like this this is I've been drinking since junior high when I would make mixed drinks before I after I got home from school by myself like and you had gone a month right before when my one of my parents would put on the pressure or my drinking friends would tell me I'm drinking too much I dial it back and proved everybody there was an alcoholic cuz I don't keep a fifth of vodka in my desk drawer I could muster the effort and then every time I started drinking again it was worse than the first hmm so yeah I'm like I'm not an alcoholic this is stupid and what good is one day gonna do me I don't need a day I don't need two days I need a lifetime what I didn't know that in that moment God threw this guy Charlie who didn't at that point believe he's now he's not believe I'll ski very it's the big Lebowski he's now believer like he's he sends trust in Christ too Wow it's crazy he's so God's so good I didn't know that he was teaching me what Paul wrote to the Galatians way back when in Galatians 5 16 if you walk by the spirit which is an all-day ongoing present tense continuous verb you just walk with God all day every day that's our part then there's a promise you will not gratify the desires the flesh and so what he unbeknownst to him God was using him to teach me to have a daily dependent walk with God that I just jettisoned from as a kid like he'll save you from hell forever but he'll also save you from hell today just today here's daily bread I'll see you tomorrow because if he gave me weekly bread or annual bread let's be honest he would see me once a week or once a year once a lifetime which is why I was so spiritually starved in the first place I thought it's like all right you gave me a lifetime bread to bust me out of hell and I guess now I just follow your rules it's like no no no it's daily I saved you I keep you safe and so this daily sobriety led to daily dependence on God I knew from my childhood this phrase Jesus saves and so I got on my knees beside the couch that I was living on and I said I've squandered everything you've given me but whatever I've left it's yours you get my body my mind my soul my days my time my relationships where I live what I do my computer my phone my money you get it all I'm a really bad God be God of my life and it was like I finally knew what it meant to be born again I like I was like I remember thinking I'd had enough Christian ease and like been around that world enough I was like that I'd heard that phrase I was like this is what they meant all of life snapped into focus and I was like this is it like oh my goodness all of life is to know him and make him known that's it like there is nothing else the rest is details it's 30 I thought my life was over I thought I had squandered I was so far gone I just thought I was so done and I had ruined it beyond repair and God is like no give me it give me your divorce give me your alcoholism give me the sexual abuse you experienced as a little kid like give me it all and I'll take those broken parts I will do something amazing and that was that was fifteen and a half years ago and and I knew soon thereafter I was gonna spend the rest of my life telling everyone that Jesus is real you are never too far gone and he can change everything and that's what I live to do now so thank you for giving me an opportunity today well we're just all crying in the studio that's so inspiring I think we all feel it we see your passion for Jesus we see that he has saved you and I think we feel the same thing like but for his goodness you know what he has done for us he saved us and he has set us free all of us and yet there's some people listening that are maybe married to someone yeah that's really struggling or maybe they're feeling like I am so in bondage to pornography to food there's so many different things to drugs to alcohol and we want to talk more about how we can be set free yeah and I would just say thank you John because I'm thinking there's someone right now this is where you were there at the end of the rope maybe they don't know it maybe they just realized it in the last 20 minutes this is I'm John I need to surrender and I want to say to that listener the reason you're listening right now is God put this program in front of you and he's calling you home yes to himself and to the power of him that can set you free freedom starts with Jesus yes John's your story is a prime example ours are similar but different but the same answer Jesus is your answer so I want to close in prayer I'm gonna invite a listener right now too and I would say I don't know where you are if you're in a family room wherever you are I would do what John did I would say get on your knees you don't have to get on your knees that's not the most important thing but that posture is a posture of submission and surrender still do it every day do you really it's surrender it's humility I'm a really if I'm God of my day today I'm gonna wreck it hmm so it's yours there's no other way to live like once you've tasted that yeah well let me pray and if this is your day I want you to get on your knees and pray with me right here right now father God I give you my life I give you every part of my life I give you my sexuality I give you my addictions I give you my struggles I give you my future I give you my family I give you my children I give you everything it's not mine I give you my money I give you the title to my life and every part of my life I surrender to you and Lord Jesus I cannot do this apart from you I cannot overcome my lusts and my sin only you can so I'm inviting you to come in and transform me and give me a power I don't have your power to live the life you called me to live I surrender all and I ask you to make me new and give me a new life starting right here right now in the name of Jesus the only name that saves the name of Jesus I pray amen amen amen if we're honest every one of us would have to look at our lives as we have tried to construct them as we have been in charge of them and we would have to say we've made a mess here even those people who look successful outwardly still have to look inside and say why is there emptiness in my life why do I feel so incomplete and part of the reason is what Dave and Ann Wilson have been talking with John Elmore about today if you're not living a surrendered life then you're gonna find yourself frustrated angry alone messed up like John was and the place where freedom starts is with Jesus John realized that he's written a book called freedom starts today that is about overcoming struggles and addictions which you have to do day in and day out whatever has been the struggle or the addiction that has been controlling your life John's book can paint a picture for you of how you get from where you are to where you want to be and where God wants you to be we would love to send you a copy of this book in fact we're sending it out this week to any of you who would like to get a copy if you can make a donation to help support the ongoing work of this ministry the book is our gift to you family life today is listener dependent so your financial support is what makes this daily program possible it makes all that we do here at family life possible we're so grateful for the listeners who help underwrite the cost of this program and again today if you can make a one-time donation or if you'd like to find out about being a monthly family life today legacy partner go to our website family life today comm make your donation online and request your copy of John Elmore's book freedom starts today you can also call 1-800 FL today to make your donation over the phone and request the book that way we look forward to sending you the book and thanks in advance for your financial support that makes life change possible and helps strengthen marriages and families we appreciate you now tomorrow we're gonna hear from John Elmore about how you get from where you are today to where you want to be how do you find freedom and get unstuck from the habits or patterns that have been weighing you down I hope you can be back with us again tomorrow on behalf of our hosts Dave and Ann Wilson I'm Bob Lapine we'll see you next time for another edition of family life today family life today is a production of family life a crew ministry helping you pursue the relationships that matter most