Okay, so I would say one of the hardest things to do as a parent, if you're a follower of Christ and you want to live out a vibrant walk with God and be a parent with little kids or teenagers, you name it, the hardest thing to do is what?
You're great at this, by the way. The hardest thing is to model it, to live it, to let your words match. I mean, I made it too open-ended. There's a thousand hardest things to do. But I was thinking, you know, create your own vibrant walk with God.
Yes. That's what I mean by modeling your walk with God. Kids catch it. They see it. Welcome to Family Life Today, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I'm Ann Wilson.
And I'm Dave Wilson. And you can find us at familylifetoday.com or on our Family Life app. This is Family Life Today. I remember our kids, I remember saying to them, like, do you remember when we did that Bible study? Remember that devotional? Remember that thing that we did? And they would always say, not really.
And I was so depressed about it. But what they did say was, but I remember seeing you pray. I remember seeing you on your knees. I remember seeing you lifting your hands in worship. And that made me think it's real. I don't think there's a day I can remember not walking through the kitchen and seeing you in your one-year Bible, which you've gone through multiple decades, it feels like. And our kids saw that as well. But I think, you know, as we think about that, how much harder for a single mom or a single dad, a single parent to do that. So we've got two experts who've written the greatest book ever on single parents.
Pam Farrell and Peggy Sue Wells, welcome to Family Life Today. Thank you. It's good to have you back. And we're talking about your latest book that's called The 10 Best Decisions a Single Mother Can Make. And we've already been I feel like we've had this great wealth of information.
Yeah. If you missed anything we've said already, you go back and listen to it. I'm not kidding. We've talked about your story. You coached us.
Not kidding. Not just in the single mom stuff, but in just, you know, how to have a vibrant walk with God, how to go through trauma, how to thrive when it's hard to thrive. That's one of your 10 best decisions, choosing to thrive. And you're both bestselling authors. So your authors, Peggy Sue, you've raised seven kids as a single mom. And Pam, you were one of three siblings, but you had a single mom that was pretty much your superhero. She still is.
Yeah. And your parents were divorced, but you and Bill have been married 42 years with three kids. They all have healthy, happy marriages, and they have healthy, happy grandkids. And like, God's payoff is so sweet. And you're really honest that it's not always easy. And I just also say, because you just modeled it, is one of the things that hit me when I became a dad is what kind of legacy am I going to continue? The legacy I was given was alcohol, adultery, divorce. If I'm not careful, I'm going to copy the sins of the father. Your mom changed that.
You've changed that. It's possible, right? God does miracles.
Very possible. In fact, on the front of our cover is two umbrellas. We were like, why are there two umbrellas on the front cover of a single mom book? And I like to say that God is the big umbrella that He shelters us.
And then that sweet second umbrella is the single mom who shelters her family. And there's a beautiful verse. God is our shelter. He will keep me safe in His dwelling. He will hide me in the shelter of His sacred tent. And He will set me high upon a rock. And in the Hebrew, that's umbrella.
Yeah, there we go. But He is our shelter. And when we run into God, He's a strong tower, the righteous run in our safe.
So no matter what the chaos, the craziness is around us, if we run into the very character of God, He shelters us. And I think we want to really encourage single moms. We want to give them hope. But talk to, as we talk about God, talk to the moms that are like mad at God, you know, that are blaming God, that feel like God has abandoned them. How would you address that? I have been there and I've done that.
And the thing that I'm here to tell you is, tell Him. What I've learned about what the Lord does is that whatever I'm thinking it is, it's probably backwards from the truth. And there's times where it's like, how could you let this happen? How could you let this happen? And then God in His Spirit says, what do you think I protected you from?
What do you think maybe could have been a lot worse had I not stepped in? And so there I would say, please tell God how you feel. He is not upset with what you're thinking. He already knows it, so we might as well tell Him.
And at the same time, one of the things I experience is when you tell Him what you feel and again, be honest, be authentic, listen. Because it took me 30 years to get to where you just talked about Peggy Sue, where I realized I was 30 some, maybe older, where I realized, oh, God did protect me from my dad. And again, it wasn't like God was saying, I removed your dad. That was His decision. He left. A human being made a decision to leave. But for 30 years, I was mad.
Like, God, why did you let Him? Why did I have to grow up with no dad? And I'm in a generation where none of my classmates had no dad at home. I was the only one.
Right. I mean, now it's different, but so I felt that loss. But it wasn't until I was in my 30s where I felt like God said, you're not the man you are today if He would have been the man who raised you. And again, He didn't do that, but because He's out of there, there was a protection that made me the most amazing man that's ever walked the planet. You are actually. I think you're pretty amazing. No, but it was just the perspective to go, wow.
It was sort of backwards, like I said. God redeems anything we give to Him. I love having all that perspective. But as you get into the practicality of it, because you guys are super practical in all of your writings, how do we, and I'm even thinking of moms that have preschoolers, moms that are overwhelmed, whether they're single moms or there's a two-parent family, how do they make it a priority when they're working, when they're trying to care for everyone, when they feel overwhelmed, when they're trying to make everything important? How do you make your walk with God a priority when you have no time to yourself? Sometimes one of the things that's standing between us and our walk with God is that we've got some stuff. There's some reactions that I had to certain situations that I'm not proud of. Or maybe I was the one who made some bad decisions that caused some horrendous things to happen, you know, breakup of relationships or whatever.
And so we carry a lot of that stuff. And I remember thinking, and again, this is one of the things I thought is that I had to somehow prove to God that I was sorry in order for Him to give me any sort of forgiveness. And my little grandson the other day was outside, we were playing.
And in Indiana, you know, there's no fences. So we're in the backyard, we're playing, he's batting the ball around, and he hears a sound and this little toddler turns and he starts headed for the front and to the street. And so I came up behind him and I'm like, Micah, you get back here right this minute. What is wrong with you? You're going into timeout for the whole rest of your life. You are such a naughty boy. Now you find your way back and then you think about what you've done.
Okay. Now when I say that, you're like, I don't think so. You wouldn't talk to your grandson like that. But how many of us think that's how God talks to us?
How many of us think that because I messed up somewhere. That's what God's thinking. And that's what He's saying to me. And so I came up next to my grandson and I kind of bent low and I said, hey, Betty Rowe, let's, you know, go back where you're safe. And so as I bent low, he turned into my arms and I scoop him up and I'm holding this bundle of boy. And in that moment, you know, God kind of taps you on the shoulder and He's like, do you get it?
That's how I do it. And I'm like, really? And He's like, do you want Him to have to find His way back? Do you want Him to have to convince you that He's sorry that He wandered off the wrong way?
And I'm like, no, I don't. In fact, He couldn't find His way back if He wanted to come back. He doesn't know the way. And God said, that's how forgiveness is. I said, so all I have to do is turn into your embrace.
He's like, yep, that's all forgiveness is. It's you turning into my embrace and I scoop you up. And in that moment, you don't have to find your way back because I don't want you to find your way back. I want to take you from here. I've got a place where I've got for you. And He said, it's just that simple.
It's not about anything hard. So I want everybody out there who's like, oh, you have no idea what I did. You have no idea how I responded. You have no idea what I said.
You have no idea of the mood that I was in the other morning with my kids. It's like, it's okay. Just turn into God's embrace. He's going to scoop you up. You're going to be exactly where you're supposed to be. And then let's move forward together. So that feels okay. I can turn.
All you're saying is to turn. And I can remember even being a young mom, like I can't have a quiet time anymore. So maybe I'd go through a couple days and I always felt like God's mad at me because I haven't been with Him. I think about our grown sons and our daughter-in-laws or our grandkids coming. I can't wait for them to come.
I don't think, where have you been? I'm like, you're here. You're at our house. I'm so excited to see you. And I've realized, as you've said, Peggy Sue, that God is waiting. He can't wait to embrace us. And now I have that overwhelming sense of, I can't wait to be with Him because no one loves me like the Father. I love the Psalms because David really did voice his frustration, his fear, his anger. And yet as he voices it, as he penned it to paper or he sang it, he would come back to, but you are good, but you love me.
And I love the honesty of David's walk with God. It's a relationship. And I think that once we get it in our mind, a walk with God isn't something we do.
It's a relationship we have. Then there's a lot of freedom there. For me, as a busy mom, married to a pastor, I had a lot of spinning plates like a lot of single moms do. And so I layered God's word into my life. I might get a few minutes in the morning, but then I would turn on Family Life Today radio. And then I might pick up my mail.
And at that point, today's Christian Woman or Virtue Magazine, my friend Nancy Carmichael wrote, and I would maybe read one article. And then I might turn on the music. Probably the most powerful thing I say every morning is before I even get out of bed, I say, this is the day the Lord has made.
Let us rejoice and be glad in it. Then I take one step and I say, Alexa, turn on Christian music. I do this too. Praise and worship.
That's right. And I worship my way through my day. And it could mean they'll listen to a podcast. When I go on a prayer walk with God, it could mean listening to a podcast while I fold towels and do the Monday and the dishes, whatever.
So you maximize those moments and you layer God's word into your life. And I remember being so inspired by Ruth Graham and she likes, let's say she like function like a single mom because Billy was always on the road. And so, and tells this wonderful story about seeing her mom's Bible opened up on the counter in the kitchen. And she would walk by and she would memorize a piece and then she would walk by later in the day, memorize another piece, walk by and memorize another piece. And she said, the word walked into my mom's heart.
I'm like, that's it. That is how we do it. A little piece, a little step, a little word at a time.
And God is with us. And if your kids are little and all you're doing is reading through the kid's Bible, I would say, God, talk to me through this. You know, we're doing this at the kindergarten level, the first grade level, second, whatever. But talk to me because I have seven minutes. That's all it takes to go through a chapter in the Bible is seven minutes. So we would sit down together, you know, in the living room, everybody's got their jams on or after dinner or before, you know, we run off after breakfast, seven minutes. And every day we had our face in the, in the word and we read that. And so whether it was the kid's Bible or whether it later on, as soon as we could, we got into the full-size Bible, we were there for seven minutes. And then after that we would bless and then we would pray and then we would sing songs for the little kids. And so our Bible time ended up morphing into a longer and longer process. But in the back, as the kids grew, as the kids grew and I, you know, the kids, if they wanted to lay there and play with, you know, their Legos while I'm reading out loud, I'm fine with that.
You can be moving, just be listening. So in the back of the book, we have a couple of appendixes. And one of the appendixes that I liked the best is when I was first in church and our pastor would say, do Bible time, do Bible time. And I flew up to him after church and I'm like, what is that?
I don't know what that is. And he's like, oh, it's just reading the Bible allowed to your kids. I'm like, oh, I can do that. So we did add more things in, but we put an appendix in there.
Pam's got what she did with her boys. I've got what I've did with my kids. Take the parts that you want.
Don't do the parts you don't want. The nights we got home late from an event, I still read a Psalm, but we had our nose in the Word every night. Okay, here you are. You're a single mom with seven kids. You're having devotional and prayer time every night.
Just come and stand on this pedestal before me. I am amazed at you. That's incredible. But also I had seven kids. So that means everybody does one chore each morning. That's our service to the family. So the house stayed good because we all contributed. So it's not all about me. And that is one of the key things we do.
Like there's the whole learner and leaders who love God. That's how I raised my kids. And we negotiate privileges and responsibilities once a year. Mom, you are not the maid. Your kids have a part in this family.
Everybody has their chores or tasks for the year. And we applauded the uniqueness. We saw God building into each child. And they were given a gift once a year to applaud who God is creating you to be. So- Get a little more specific. Right.
So they have, what is it once a year? A learner and leader day when school started once a year. So this goes with the proactive part. Peggy Sue was proactive.
She was not the maid. Everybody has a part. I had that same philosophy.
I want my daughter-in-laws to love me one day. So I want my sons to have a role in the family. And so once a year, learner leader day, we would have what we call forced feral family fun, which is a fun thing to do. Did you say that? Forced? We did. We did. Like we will have fun today.
Yeah. So we would have a fun day and halfway through that day at lunchtime, we would negotiate this contract and it was privileges and responsibilities. And there's even a list of what kids can do at different ages and stages so that you can delegate. It's all in the book.
It's all in the book. So every kid at every age can do something to help the family. And then we gave a gift and that gift was three things. It was practical, something we would buy anyway, lunchbox, backpack, you know, gym bag, maybe with a verse on it, Excel.
So still more run in such a way that you might win. It was personal. So everybody didn't get the same gift.
So it was unique to them. And then it was prophetic or it spoke to the promise of potential of that child. It was kind of like how your mom built into your life that you're an awesome person. And a little story, a sidebar story of that is my husband.
It's he wants to build into the grandkids too. And so Sutton, who is like five Sutton, do you know what you are? And she's like, no, Papa. He's like, you're amazing. She said, oh, okay. If I'm amazing, then what is Zeke? Who's two? And Bill said, ah, he's remarkable.
And Zeke said, I'm not remarkable, Papa, you remarkable. And so it's that kind of speaking life into your kids in a fun, enjoyable way. And so they looked forward to learner leader day. Now they have learned leader day with their kids. The ones that have children because it's like Christmas in September or January. But it's a way to really pour God's truth into them and also make them a moving member of your family that gets stuff done. So you can have time to spend time with God.
You can create family time to go to the park or the beach after everybody cleans the room, et cetera. And so the book is packed with, you know, really practical parenting tools like that, what to do with a prodigal, you know, oftentimes when you look at a prodigal's heart, you just pray, God show me the path of pain that got them to that line. If I can identify that path of pain and see where, what light is, then I can maybe help breathe truth into their life. And maybe through a Christian counselor, maybe through a set of good friends you call in. So you're not the only one speaking truth and life into them set up a system, a support system around your child, around your family.
So we try to look at all kinds of practical parenting things, including something fun to do every season of the year in an appendix in the back, because oftentimes it's hard to be fun when you're like heartbroken. Exactly. And as far as the reading and doing the Bible time, cause she was very strong with doing that every day with her family.
And I did it with mine, but as soon as my kids can read, you're reading the Bible. Right. Yeah. They got a new Bible.
Yeah. All fold the towels, you know, while you're reading, but we still got together as a family and whichever kid could read them. So we would rotate it through. So if it was, they were reading it out loud, they could find the books of the Bible. They could find where it was. They're familiar with it. It didn't look like a bunch of words.
They had been reading it all their life. We tried to make it fun to do our family Bible time. And so we're like, okay, well, how can we act this out? We just heard about manna. All right, let's put some Hawaiian dinner rolls on the ceiling fan and let it spin. You know, so the armor of God, let's make it out of newspaper and milk cartons, you know? So if you add a little bit of fun to it, it's going to lift your spirits.
That's what I found. It wasn't just for the kids. Like I needed my spirits lifted on many of those days. What about the teen years? How did you live that out in the teen years? When they were rolling their eyes, you're like, do we have to do this?
One of my kids was a great eye roller, like the best. And so I did confront that one day and I said, hey, that's not respectful. That's dishonoring to me. And so I need you to not do that.
Are we clear? And she said, yes. And then just across the room, I said something for her to do next. And I mean, she rolled her eyes so big, it made a wind in the room. And all the kids were sitting there in between and they all went, you know, and I went, excuse me, Hannah. It was Hannah again. Hannah's got great stories. I got Hannah and she's like, I would like to become a professional eye roller.
I'm pretty good at it already, but I'd like to become even better. And so we're all rolling on the floor, pounding our fists because we're laughing. It's hilarious. And so at the end, as we all calm down, I said, and I said, Hannah, she goes, I know, mom, I know, you know, it was, it was an automatic reflex. She went back at it. When we would do our Bible time, when the kids were teens and there were times that they were moody, there were times that things hadn't gone the way that they wanted to. And so it was like, you know what, this is what we do. Like she says, this is what pharaohs do.
This is what Wells do. And every day we do Bible time. So come and they would come and they would be mopey and whatever. And then pretty soon for the little kids, we're doing these corny songs so that you have to do the movements and they'd roll their eyes initially, but you know what?
Then they would come into it. And pretty soon it's like the word of God comes in and you sit for a few minutes and you're with family and you're with people that love you and you're doing something that's consistent, that this is what we do. And this is consistent in our life. And I put time into something because you're going to do stuff with your kids.
I put time into that as a priority because it's eternal. And so if I'm going to introduce my kids to, you know, a great coach and a good teacher and you know, somebody who's going to give them lessons and whatever, if I don't introduce them to Jesus, I have not set them up for the most important thing in their whole life, which is their eternity. And so we put that there and my kids now they know, they know, and they're all in different states and they're following God. And I'm so grateful because when they become an adult, that's their choice. And so the fact that we still have that in common is it's so good. But even with those teenagers, it's like, you know what, this is what we do. You live here. This is what we do. And they're like, okay.
And for the parent who has never done that before, and they have teenagers, how would they be? Is it too late? No, you start with dessert. You sit down, hot fudge sundae, hot fudge sundae, and I'm going to read this for seven minutes while you're eating that hot fudge sundae. And then tomorrow night, you're going to read it while we eat hot fudge sundae.
And I would say share why. Like you guys, I haven't been doing this. I've been afraid that you would reject it, but this is important to me. And I would love this to become a habit for our family because it's meant so much to me. And so I'd love to hear your thoughts, even as you're eating and after you're done with your sundae. And I, we always said, food brings kids.
You just don't sit there and they'll eat. And so I think that that's really wise. It also was a time when we're reading a chapter out of the Bible where people have questions. And so then we would start talking like, why did they do that? What was that thinking?
Why did that happen? What was, you know, and so then we would sometimes dig more into the Bible. Sometimes we just started some good conversations and then other things would come out.
You're in a place where you're talking. And so then some of the teenagers or somebody would say, Hey, can we do this? Can I have that? Can I, you know, and it would be like, okay, I don't know how that's going to work. I might not have the finances for it, but what I learned to say was, wow, that's a really good question. How could we make that happen? How can we make that work? Did you ever pray about it as a family all the time, but they would just come forth with all these ideas and they either start to realize that will work or it won't work or somebody else comes up with a new idea. All my kids had different interests and we pursued each of those interests and the other kids came along and followed and watched. We did things that I never thought I would do because each one had a different interest and we found a way to make it work. So how can we make this work when they came to you and said, mom, can we do this? You didn't say no.
Do you know what I've been through? You know, and what my kids will say now, like we'd be at the grocery store and, you know, you've got your budget and you're going through the drive through, you know, and it's like, okay, well today we're doing the dollar menu. And at the grocery store, can we get this?
Can we get that? And I would say, not today. And thanks for asking.
And they're like, oh, we hate that mom. And I said, but I always said it that way because I wanted you to ask. I want you to always know it's okay to ask because you can always ask God anything.
He's okay with it. And I wanted to give you that opportunity. And it's such an opportunity for kids to see miracles happen.
You know, Bill and I got married at 20 and youth pastors don't make a lot of money either. And so we started a miracle scrapbook. So when things came up in our family, we would just like, okay, let's pray about it. Let's see if, if God thinks it's a priority and it'll bless and build you, then God will make a way. And we saw so many miracles.
I mean, one day my youngest son says, mom, you have crazy faith. And I said, well, part of the reason why is because we pray, we pray about everything. I always ask, like we would, we had that little daily bread with a verse a day, pull it out so that we did that at dinner. And then we would go around the circle. How can we pray for you?
What's going on in your life? And so I was prayed as a family. And then I would pray as they went out the door. If Bill or I, whoever drove them to school would pray over them. And I was involved in moms in prayer ministry. And Bill asked Brock to, at his graduation week, um, Brock, why don't you preach the sermon, say something that your parents did well. And, um, he said, well, you gave me a dream big enough to say yes to God.
That was the whole learner leader thing. The second is when I was going off course, you disciplined me and I knew you meant it. So, you know, there's something wise to keep in your word as parents.
And then last one was, yeah. And all those prayers were like this force field around me that kept me from sin. So if you don't take anything else home, sweet single moms, just pray with your kids, your heart will come through.
They will see that you love them and love God. I mean, I've listened to you now for three sessions, just model for us decision after decision. It's your whole book, 10 best decisions a single mom can make.
It's like life is built one choice, one decision at a time. And you've modeled that for us. And so I'm thinking, man, this hasn't been a show for single moms.
It has, but it has been for everyone. Thank you. I mean, what a model. And I would say, man, get this book now and start your new life and give the book. A lot of times single moms can't afford even a book. And so this is last week I had a precious couple buy a case because they want to give to every single mom they ever meet in the next year.
And I'm like, what a sweetheart. If every church did that, if every church said, let's have a single mom, small group, and we're going to give you this book. In fact, while you do your Bible study, do you need something fixed at your house?
Or maybe your car needs to go? Yeah. We can be the hands and feet of Jesus, the church. That's good. Thanks for being with us.
Thanks for having us. And you know what? Thanks for making your mom proud. That single mom. That's right. Third day she wasn't so proud. Yeah. I was the strong willed one, grounded for a whole year of my life.
I understand these things. I want to let you know that on our website at family life today.com, we've got a link to the life of a single mom website. It's full of resources, articles, help for single moms, go to family life today.com.
And the link is available there. And again, I hope you have been thinking this week as Dave and Ann Wilson have been talking with Peggy Sue Wells and Pam Farrell about single moms. I hope you've been thinking about single moms. You know, single moms, you could reach out to single moms. You could help.
You could support this week. We're giving away copies of the book that Peggy Sue and Pam have written called the 10 best decisions a single mom can make. We're making that available to anyone who can make a donation of any amount to help support the ongoing work of family life today. Our goal at family life is to effectively develop godly marriages and families. We want to see every home be a godly home, no matter what the condition of the home is today.
We want to move it in a direction toward Jesus and you help accelerate that goal. When you donate to support the work of family life, you become a partner with us in effectively developing godly marriages and families. When you make a donation today, we'd love to send you upon your request a copy of the book, the 10 best decisions a single mom can make for yourself or to pass on to a single mom you know. Go to familylifetoday.com to donate or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to donate. Again, the website is familylifetoday.com.
You can call to donate at 1-800-358-6329. That's 1-800-F as in family, L as in life, and then the word today. David Robbins, who's the president of family life is here with us today. And David, we've been talking about every home becoming a godly home.
We're not talking about homes becoming perfect homes because there is no such thing, right? Yeah, that's right, Bob. I remember the evening that Meg and I were asked to consider this job of family life president. And I remember Meg's first response to the board member that was asking us was, you would not be asking us to do this if you were with us today.
And yes, she was right. I mean, we had had a really hard day as a family. And his response was, well, that's actually precisely why we're asking you is because you're willing to be honest with the realness of life and plunging your weaknesses into God's grace and a godly home isn't a perfect home. It's a home that is often repenting and continually surrendering to God. God does not call us to perfection. He calls us to depend upon Him. And one of our favorite sayings in our home is if dependence is the goal, then weakness is actually an advantage because we experience our weakness all the time. God has called us to depend radically upon Him. And being a people defined by grace assumes we don't have it all together and we don't bring that much to the table. And we get to plunge our weaknesses into Him and be refined and restored by Him and be a people that's trusting God in our homes. And that's what it is to be a godly home. And even our weakest moments, we can know, okay, God, I get to come to you again and depend upon you anew and your mercies are new every morning. Yeah, that's a great promise. Thank you, David. Well, I hope our listeners can join us again tomorrow when we're going to talk about the confusing world of dating in the 21st century.
I mean, it's a minefield when you think about trying to date people. How do you think about that biblically? What should that look like? Jonathan Paklut is going to be with us tomorrow to talk about that. I hope you can be back with us as well. On behalf of our hosts, David Ann Wilson, I am Bob Lapine. We will see you tomorrow for another edition of Family Life Today. Family Life Today is a production of Family Life, a crew ministry helping you pursue the relationships that matter most.
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