Promise Keepers Revived

There is an epidemic of the friendless American male. Men right now, they spend so much time working and chasing the dollar and then trying to spend enough time with their kids and trying to spend enough time with their wives that they literally are not around any other men who can call them on their junk.

Because men will see things in other men that their wife will never see. Welcome to Family Life Today, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I'm Ann Wilson. And I'm Dave Wilson, and you can find us at familylifetoday.com or on our Family Life app.

This is Family Life Today. Okay, Ann, so here's a question. I want to ask you if you know of the pivotal moment in my life, an event that changed me as a man. Marrying me? That was it.

Married you. That should be what I was thinking of, but I was actually thinking of, I think it was 1995, promise keepers at the Silverdome, Pontiac, Michigan, something like 75, 80,000 men in an arena. I'm sitting in the end zone, actually watching these men speak. And it's a place where I've been on that sideline.

I added it up over 2,000 Sundays on the sideline in the Silverdome, and now I'm in the end zone bleachers where I never was during a football game. And it was one of the most spectacular men's events I've ever been a part of. You know what I remember about that event? You weren't there. You don't remember anything.

No, this is what I remember. I remember talking to all the wives about a week after that event, because they were saying, my husband is a different man, and I don't even know what's happening, but I'm loving it. And the thing was, it wasn't just a one-time experience. It really changed a lot of men for their entire lives, and it affected their legacy. Yeah. And one of the questions is, what happened to Promise Keepers?

Because it was around for a while, and then now it has been gone for a while. But we get today to find out the future of Promise Keepers, because we have Ken Harrison, the president and CEO of Promise Keepers, who's going to let us know what's going on and what's going to happen in the future. So, Ken, welcome to Family Life Today. Thank you, guys. It's great to be on with you. Yeah. And so I'm excited to talk about, I mean, that was a pivotal moment, and I didn't just go to one in Michigan.

I went to Indianapolis, and I think we took 3,000 men from our church to one event. And it was incredible what happened. But as I was looking you up, Ken, and finding out, man, you've got an incredible resume. Yeah.

Dave was reading it to me. He kept going on and on. You've done a lot of great things.

Yeah. I mean, all the way from being a police officer back in LA in Watts. Talk about your journey to where you are today a little bit. So my father had been a famous Los Angeles policeman. He was shot in the Watts riots in 1965 and retired us up to Oregon, where I grew up as a boy. And then I went back to Los Angeles and joined the LAPD.

And then I was in the middle of all the Rodney King stuff, and I was a highly decorated officer. So it was a very unique perspective, especially seeing what fatherlessness does to boys. I mean, it's a very Christian culture.

Everyone goes to church, very family culture. But you see what happens when you've got about 10 of the boys that don't have fathers, the mass violence, the shootings, the murders. In my little eight-square-miles division, we call them divisions in Los Angeles, we had 180 murders a year.

I mean, you just think about the violence of that. But after that, I left after all the Rodney King stuff. I got into business, and God really blessed me. And so I was able to start a company, sell it, then run a really giant international company, and then retire at the old age of 45 in 2012. Did you think, as you retired, that you were just at 45, going to sort of walk into retirement mode?

I mean, what happened? Yeah, I was doing what the world says that a good Christian man is supposed to do, not what God says. I was going to be a good guy, never cheat on my wife, not use four-letter words, not watch radar movies, and ski and hike for the rest of my life. As you know, I live in Colorado.

Yeah. And a lot of people were like, Oh, you won't be happy. I was ecstatic. I read all the books that I always want to read. I read Luther's Monage of the Will, Calvin's Institutes. In 2014, I was praying and really seeking the Lord, just filled with the Spirit. You know those moments where you have those mountaintop moments with the Lord, where the Father's just right there. And all of a sudden, He came to me and said, Ken, I did not put you through everything I did and teach you everything I did so you could ski and hike for the rest of your life. And I said, Lord, what do you want me to do? And He said, Are you willing to be as ambitious for my kingdom as you were for your kingdom?

And it took me two hours to wrestle through. And I said, Lord, whatever you want. And Promise Keepers dropped out of the sky. Well, here's a question, Ken. I mean, now you're the president and CEO of Promise Keepers.

Some of our listeners may not even know the journey or the history of Promise Keepers. So walk us through that real briefly. Like, when did it start? What happened? And why did it stop?

And why are we where we are today? It was an unbelievable thing. So Coach Bill McCartney started in 1990 and it exploded. It was such a movement of the Spirit that they were selling out, as you alluded to, Dave, NFL stadiums all over America for basically from about 92 to about 98. It all came to a climax in 1997. 1.4 million men went to the mall. Everyone calls it the Million Man March. It actually was called Stand in the Gap. And it's the biggest event in the history of Washington, D.C. And if we walk into the Park Police headquarters today, there was a picture of that.

And there's a picture of it because it was the biggest moment, but also because it was the greatest moment. And then after that, Promise Keepers descended pretty quickly. And there's a lot of reasons for it. And I'll just leave it at sometimes when organizations get great, we forget that it was the Holy Spirit who built them and not people. And people of their egos get involved and they kill what the Lord's trying to do. And God is great and moves greatness in humble hearts through humble people. And when we start to get ego and we want to get credit, it starts to fold in on itself.

And so I'll leave at that point. I believe God right now, He's not trying to raise Promise Keepers again. He's trying to raise a movement of men. And Promise Keepers is simply the vehicle for which He's doing it. And this time, Promise Keepers had one amazing thing.

There's story after story like you told, Dave, of guys who went to an event and came home, fell on their knees in front of their wife and said, I'm so sorry. And I'm unbelievably changed lives. I can tell you guys just beautiful, amazing things of what letters I've gotten from elder the women about how their husbands were transformed. But the problem with it was once people left the Silver Dome, they were ready to charge hell with a bucket of water. And they got to hell. They didn't know what to do with the bucket because there was no ability for discipleship. And so many great changed lives came out of that. But the movement itself didn't change America and the world as much as it could have, because we didn't have the ability to disciple. We tried to funnel them into the local churches.

Today that's changed. And so we had a virtual event last summer because we were shut down because of COVID. We had 1.2 million people watch that virtual event in 84 countries. So this summer at July 16th and 17th, we're going to be at the other Silver and Blue Stadium. We will be at Dallas Cowboy Stadium July 16th and 17th. It's going to be an unbelievable event. And if you can't afford it, we'll make sure that you can't.

We'll get you whatever we need to get you to get you there. We're working with college coaches in Texas to bring thousands of fatherless boys to the event. So this is going to be probably the first major gathering in the world after COVID. And that gathering is going to be American men coming together to worship Christ. Imagine the testimony that's going to be to the whole world. And we'll be simulcasting this all over the world, military bases all over the world, churches all over the world. We had something like 2,000 people in India watch our event live last year. So imagine them now seeing a stadium full of American men worshiping the Lord, raising their hands, seeing that power. It's going to be an incredible thing, I'm telling you. But this time when guys leave, we've got an app.

It's a really good app. We've already got tens of thousands of guys on it talking to each other. They could speak in different languages. So if you want to talk to somebody in Ukraine, you can type it in English and he sees it in Ukrainian.

And then when he types, it comes back to you. So guys are sharing the world with each other. The entire idea is the stadium event is great, but getting men into discipleship groups and into friendship groups, that's the ticket this time around. And I think that's what the Lord's bringing together. Yeah, I think as you said, the next step out of a Promise Keepers event or really out of any event is huge.

I remember listening to Larry Crabbe, Dr. Larry Crabbe, who's since gone to be with the Lord at a Promise Keepers event back in the 90s. And it was sort of interesting because he got up there and he said, this is awesome, isn't it? And you know, 70,000 men, yeah, you're going to go home and be the most amazing man ever, right?

Yeah, you're going to be a better husband. Yeah. And everybody's cheering. And then he just looks at him and he goes, no, you're not. And the whole place is like, what are you doing right now? This is not what you say. But his point was, unless you take the next step and get in community with other men and get disciples and follow up on this, it'll just be one great moment that will be gone in six weeks.

And your wife and your kids will be frustrated because they saw something start, but never finished. So I think what you're talking about the next step in the community. I know I'm in a group chat with like 15 other NFL quarterbacks that I've been involved in with my years with the chaplaincy with the Lions. And that daily text, back and forth, scripture, sharing what's going on in each and every one of our lives, sharpening iron, sharpening iron, is literally life-changing.

So it's great to hear that you're not just doing an event, you're doing a life-changing transformation movement, really, right? Yeah, I'll tell you, there is an epidemic of the friendless American male. It's really, I mean, pornography is crushing our country. It's destroying women and children. It's destroying men, but the victims are women and children.

So much of that comes from friendlessness and loneliness. And we got to get guys into what we're calling fire teams. So it's a Marine Corps term. It's four men. And we're saying, we need to get you together, not four guys, but four guys with common interests so that you'll be friends. So if you're a golfer, get together with three other golfers, hunters, fishers, skaters, whomever. If you're a reader, then get together with those guys. Then come together through the Promise Keepers app in your local church.

All this has to be built through a local church with local pastors. But you need to have friends. And I would even say to women watching this, a lot of times, guys can be selfish.

So I'm not trying to justify selfishness. But I'm saying a lot of times, a guy wants to go do something with his friends or go golfing or something and a wife feels, you know, I'd really happy not. Let me tell you, you need to have a friend, a husband who has friends.

You want to make sure that the right course. But the men are right now, they spent so much time working and chasing the dollar, and then trying to spend enough time with their kids and trying to spend enough time with their wives that they literally are not around any other men who can call them on their junk. Because men will see things and other men that their wife will never see. And guys make relationship by doing stuff together, not by having lunch. And right now our culture, our society and the church, they're built for women.

It's not a bad thing. But we go to church, we sit down, we socialize, we go home. Men, I can go to lunch, Dave, with you for 20 years every week. And we won't be friends. We'll talk, but we're not friends. But when we go hunting, and you miss that buck, or we go skiing and you have a wreck and your yard sale and your stuff goes all over and I start making fun of you and laughing my head off.

Now there's a vulnerability where, you know, we go have some hot chocolate after the ski day, and there's a closeness there. And so men have to get together and do. And that's why those promise keepers things were so monumental because you had 80,000 guys and you're going, wow, the singing, all these deep voices singing Amazing Grace, and I'm not alone.

All these guys are seeking Jesus just like I am. All the classes go away, all the races go away, all the denominations and all the divisions. And you remember guys are crying and hugging each other. And there's a whole, all those walls, those those macho things that we have up come down.

And there's that vulnerability for a while. What we got to do is keep that going in relationships through the local church. Ken, what you're saying is so true. I know this from thousands of other men, but I personally know it in my own life. I remember exactly that feeling, sitting in that stadium, singing with thousands, tens of thousands of other men looking around and feeling what you just said. I'm not alone. There's not just a few men. There's tens of thousands of men that are after Jesus like I am. And we're together, you know, and I'll never forget.

And here's the other amazing thing. I can literally remember the message that Dr. Joe Stoll gave. And I'm sitting again back there in the end zone where I'm a young father.

Now my three sons are married and we have grandkids, but they were 10, maybe 11 years old, three sons at home. I'm sitting there and Joe tells a story and he's a local Detroit pastor at the time. So I knew Joe. I'd had him come in and do chapel for the Alliance every once in a while. Anyway, long story short, he tells a story about his front yard.

I'll never forget this. He goes, you know, I care a lot about my front yard. I take care of it. I don't hire a lawn service.

I do it myself. I want my front yard to be the best yard in the neighborhood. And you know what? It was.

It was perfect. And I spent hours manicuring that yard. He goes, one day I had to do a funeral for a 16-year-old boy in my church. He says, I'm driving back home from that funeral and I'm pulling up to my house and I look at my front yard and I think, well, it's the best yard in the neighborhood.

Who cares? He goes, you know, I'm just thinking about, I just did a funeral for a 16-year-old boy. So he says, I run in my house. You know, he says, the only thing I didn't like about my front yard was there was a basketball hoop that my kids wanted on the driveway and it was an eyesore, but it was there because my kids wanted it.

Right. So he says, he goes upstairs to his son's bedroom and he says, hey, dude, you want to go play some hoops? He goes, no, dad, I got homework.

I can't do it right now. And he goes, that kid had asked me every day to play hoops. And most of the time I said, hey, later, I got to work on the yard. He goes, I walk out of my son's bedroom and I said to myself, I missed it.

I missed it for a front yard. And you know, he was saying, men, you've got a short window. Don't miss because of things that are important, but they're not as important. And here I am, I'm sitting there, this is 30 some years ago. It literally changed my life. It was like that moment sitting in an arena with thousands of other men going, God's talking to me right now about my role as a dad was life changing.

So thinking that that went away, but now can you are bringing promise keepers back. Those kinds of moments that I experienced are going to be times a million, you know, as men sit there and I love what you're saying. It isn't just going to be an event. It's going to be a movement that transforms churches, men and communities. I mean, way to go.

I am so excited. You got off your knees in that prayer moment and said, OK, God, I'm your guy, you know, and took on this mantle. Let me ask something, because I know a lot of women are listening and we don't want to nag our husbands. We don't want to bug them. But every one of us thinks, I want my husband to do this. Like, I get teary as you guys are talking about this because we as women, we long for this because the man that you're talking about isn't a domineering, heavy handed leader.

He's leading by serving. And every woman longs for her husband, the fathers to really be connected to their children. And so, coach us as women and wives.

How do we get our guys interested in this? And I know one of the things is going to be prayer. But is there anything else that we can do? There is.

It's actually funny. You know that 45% of the tickets that were sold in the 90s were bought by women. Women buying from their husbands, buying from their sons. And I always say the best gift a woman can have for Mother's Day is a man who loves her, loves her kids and loves Christ, right? And so I would just say, you know, look, AT&T Stadium, Dallas Cowboy Stadium, where it's going to be July 16th and 17th is right next to Wet n Wild, Six Flags amusement park, and the Texas Rangers baseball stadium. So this is a great man trip. It's a great trip for guys to take with their friends, for guys to take with their sons. And so I would say, wives, buy tickets and say, honey, I know that it's going to be expensive, but I want you to go to Dallas and be with those guys. I want you to take a man trip. I want you to take our sons. I want you to go with your friends.

I want you to take some guys that maybe you would never think to take. And you know your husband, you know your sons, but men are beat up. Men, there's something in a man that so wants to be respected by his wife.

He so wants to have her look at him the way she did when they were dating, when they were first married. And so many men have lost it and they don't know how to get it back. And when they don't know how to get it back, they begin to act like children. A lot of times they begin to get worse.

We all do that, right? If we think someone thinks poorly of us, then we suddenly are always acting differently. I can't tell you the value of you building your husband up. And you may think, well, my husband this or my husband that.

Tell him how much you love him and how much it would mean to you if you would go to this because I'm telling you, he will come out of there a changed man and he won't just come out of there a changed man from that moment. But we're going to get him friends in his local community that are godly men. We're going to tell him where our godly church is and your sons right now in our culture, they see so few examples of what a real man is. What's a real man? Jesus Christ was the ultimate real man. And what was Jesus Christ like? Well, the Bible says that men love your wives like Christ loved the church.

And how does Christ love the church, which is his bride, he gave his life for her. And so we want to tell the men, if you were a humble leader, where you were willing to give up your life for your wife and your kids, they will respond in kind you talk about being respected. You talk about a woman who feels cherished and secure, knowing that her husband has her best interest in place. I'm telling you, that's the one that says, baby, go play golf with your friends.

Go hunting. I can't wait for you to come back because I trust you. I love you. I feel like I'm one with you.

We can get there. This is not that hard, but that voice is always in our head. You're not good enough, man. You've had bad thoughts.

You looked at pornography. Who do you think you are? You're worthless. And that man is hearing that all the time. Women don't reiterate that voice in his head for him. Tell him he can be a better man, but only through the grace and love of Jesus Christ. If he gets around men who will tell him who he is, remind him of his identity. Little boys don't grow up hoping they can have the best lawn in the neighborhood.

Little boys dream about doing great things. And that's what that preacher was talking about. He'd lost who he was as a man and he needed to be reminded of who he was as a man. And I hope it wasn't too late for that kid. He's probably now 40. No, his sons have actually turned out to be great men.

And to sort of answer your question, I thought of years ago there was a guy in our church that I was just getting to know a little bit playing basketball. And we were connecting and he was just new in his faith. And he said to his wife, I want to get a motorcycle. She's like, you're not getting a motorcycle. That's the dumbest thing.

They're dangerous, blah, blah, blah. And he kept asking her. And then one day she says to him, hey, Chris, let me ask you something. If you get a motorcycle, are you going to ride with Dave Wilson? And he goes, yeah. Dave asked me to go riding with him. He's right.

He rides his motorcycle. She said, go get the bike. So, you know, her thought was if my husband can be around other men who are going to help him grow to be a godly man, husband and dad, let's do it.

So Chris and I started hanging out. That's what's going to happen. That's what I would say to the wives. You buy a ticket, you get your husband down to July 16th, 17th to Promise Keepers in Texas.

It's going to change his life. I know this. After that Promise Keepers event in the early 90s for me, I sat down with the Word of God and said, OK, I don't think I know what a godly man is. I didn't have a dad.

I didn't have a vision for it. And I developed what I call the four pillars of manhood so men in our church would know, OK, this is what a boy is, but this is what a man is and a husband and a dad. And it became a mantra for our church. It's like, are you a real man? R-E-A-L. It just took the word R-E-A-L. And it literally changed something in our church because men started to say, OK, I have a vision for what manhood is. And the only way I can get there is I need other men.

Men don't become men without men. You know, and so Promise Keepers, God bless you, Ken, for resurrecting this because it's not only going to change our churches. I think it's going to change our country. So thanks, Ken, for doing that. This is an exciting day.

It's so exciting. And I would really encourage all the women, like, let's be praying. I would love it if we would just take a day to fast until dinner because I know that the spiritual warfare that will be going on about this is going to be great. And so for us as women, like, let's support our men by praying and really encouraging our men and reminding them of who they are and who God has called them to be. Hey, one last thing for the women out there, too, is we are also simulcasting this all over the world. And so if you're like, well, hey, we can't afford to get to Texas, but you can go to your local pastor and say, get the simulcast, have our men there. And also for all the women, you're going to be able now to see what's happening in the stadium. So a lot of women are like, I want to see what's going on.

So you will actually now be able to log in and watch the event, too. And we're going to tell men what they've been needing to hear for a long time that sometimes a pastor in a mixed crowd can't say we're going to be saying, yeah, looking at porn, repent, those kinds of things. There is something unique.

I've seen it over and over. That happens that God does when men are with men. Yes. Not saying the other doesn't matter or women with women. There's just something that happens. It's hard to describe when God gets men alone together and addresses where they are and where he wants to take them. It's a beautiful, challenging moment that changes a man's soul. Ken, thanks for saying yes to God's call. Way to go.

Yes. Can't wait to see what happens. The 2021 Promise Keepers Men's Conference is happening in July at AT&T Stadium in Arlington, Texas, July 16th through the 17th. Great lineup of speakers. We've got a link on our website at familylifetoday.com. You may want to plan a road trip, go with guys and be at the stadium for the event. There's also going to be a simulcast of the event if you want to do your own Promise Keepers event in your church. Again, go to familylifetoday.com and find out more about the live event and the simulcast, the Promise Keepers Men's Conference, July 16th and 17th in Arlington, Texas. Again, the link is on our website at familylifetoday.com. Now we are really excited about the release of David Ann Wilson's new book, No Perfect Parents and about how well it's doing, how many people are saying this is the book we've been looking for on parenting because we certainly fit the title.

We are not perfect parents and we want to figure out how we can do the best job we can given our own imperfections. We are making David Ann's book available this week to Family Life Today listeners who can help advance the ministry of family life. If you want to see more people affected more often by what they hear on Family Life Today or what's available on our website at familylifetoday.com, more people connecting with us at the events that we host or through the resources we create, you make all of that possible anytime you make a donation. And this week when you make a donation, we'd love to send you as a thank you gift, David Ann Wilson's new book, No Perfect Parents.

You can donate online at familylifetoday.com or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY to donate. Make sure you ask for your copy of the book, No Perfect Parents, when you get in touch with us. And thanks for your support of the ministry of family life today. And we hope you have a great weekend. Hope you and your family are able to worship together in your local church this weekend. And I hope you can join us on Monday when Ray and Robin McKelvey will be here to talk about the things we need to put off in our marriages, things we need to get rid of, do away with, to make our marriages even stronger. Hope you can tune in for that. On behalf of our hosts, David Ann Wilson, I'm Bob Lapeen. We will see you back Monday for another edition of Family Life Today. Family Life Today is a production of Family Life, a crew ministry, helping you pursue the relationships that matter most.