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Ridiculous Things Said to Moms

Family Life Today / Dave & Ann Wilson, Bob Lepine
The Truth Network Radio
June 9, 2021 9:00 pm

Ridiculous Things Said to Moms

Family Life Today / Dave & Ann Wilson, Bob Lepine

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June 9, 2021 9:00 pm

Because "words of wisdom" to moms can sometimes lack real wisdom, Becky Baudouin breaks down the truth and error we hear in everyday statements.

Read the first 3 chapters of Becky's book, Enjoy Every Minute

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COVERED TOPICS / TAGS (Click to Search)
mothers parenting young children
Family Life Today
Dave & Ann Wilson, Bob Lepine
Wisdom for the Heart
Dr. Steven Davey
Wisdom for the Heart
Dr. Steven Davey
Wisdom for the Heart
Dr. Steven Davey
Encouraging Prayer
James Banks

Think back to when our kids were just really little toddlers. Okay, maybe even in high chairs and car seats and I would sometimes say we need to prioritize our marriage and we need a plan and you would say things are you kidding can't even go to the bathroom by myself no time to even think I am surviving here that I was thinking welcome to family life today where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most and will send Dave Wilson and you can find us if we live or on our family life. This is family life today. It was so true. It's like how do you get a plan when the world when it is just warm and around us so knew how important that wise. I agreed with everything you are saying. I think I just felt so overwhelmed as we've been previously talking about that I I did know how to do that like I am just surviving. That's what I would always say I'm just surviving.

The funny thing is I had no idea what the plan would look just thought I'd say it to cover both just surviving to help today were excited today because we have Becky Beaudoin back with us today and she wrote a book called enjoy every minute and other ridiculous things we say to mom's Becky. Welcome to family life today. Thank you. Becky is not only just an author but a speaker used to write for the Chicago daily Herald. Yes, the column is called the mom's point of view that was so much fun and I got to write about pretty much anything I want and so a lot of the ideas for this book actually came out of some of my columns.

You also have a degree in practical theology. Yes, that's interesting that's having the best degree to get practical theology. Once that while it said. I went to to your Bible college so it's degree is probably could go on and then get other degrees, but it was I studied the Bible and being able to take Scripture and then apply it practically to Christian living is what we all need yeah yeah what one of your ridiculous things people say to mom's which I've said yeah I actually think it's true. So I want to hear why this isn't true okay is number four you get 12 on, but number four is if mama ain't happy, nobody happy yes. Then I you know about actually thought well that's sort of true, that is kind of a mama creates a climate in the home and if she isn't happy. It's sort of, you know. But so it it's not true.well I think there's a nugget of truth and a lot of these. So what I say about that is it's a half-truth, because to put all of that on the mom I think is a lot of pressure. I think they react. The truth is that everyone contributes to the climate in the home because a dad coming home from work in a really bad mood can kinda set things going a certain way.

You know child having a tantrum or a teenager and a really with a terrible attitude at dinner just makes everybody want to like finish up their food and like leave the table so I think that the part that I focus in on. That's the chapter where I really I talk about mom guilt and I talk about anxiety and depression and I share a lot of stories that moms have shared and it's this pressure that I have to hold it all together because if I fall apart or if I don't then what will happen.

So I think we have a lot of moms who are feeling like they can't be honest about how they're struggling and they have to put on a happy face. They have to smile. They have to pretend like they're okay when they're really not. And that's kind of what I get into.

It's kind of like the happy wife happy life and that's another thing that's kind of seller in some ways, you feel that way that if my wife and my kids aren't happy then like to be happy versus not true, but I'm sure you feel the same way by your husband. You know, desk, and it is so specific to the woman you're saying it has to be happier everywhere. It's going to be miserable. If she's not, we feel the pressure of that yeah is a woman and earlier we talked about how we've been told to enjoy every minute. Yeah, we've been talking about mom guilt, and so this can kinda run into that mom guilt or that shame the heaviness and the burden of it's my responsibility to make our home happy and everyone in it. Happy yes and you're saying that if we don't allow women to voice that you're talking to women. To that goes into depression. Yeah, or women who struggle with depression automatically feeling like I'm not a good mom because I am depressed. Several mom shared their stories with me, but I have two nieces who shared about their anxiety and depression.

Rachel and Emily and their sisters.

So Emily was sharing about one afternoon when she was curled up on the couch, still in her pajamas from the day before.

Really struggling with depression and her son Spencer, who is almost 3 wanted to play hide and seek, and she could not muster the energy or the desire to get up in place. She just was on the couch didn't feel like she could do it. So she stayed on the couch and she counted to 10, a Spencer ran away and hid somewhere off camera, so she was recording this at a certain point and sent the video to her sister Rachel when she got to 10, she yelled, ready or not.

Come on out instead of ready or not here I come ready or not, and out, Spencer came running back giggling with a giant smile on his face and they did that over and over for like 15 minutes and he thought it was the greatest thing in the world. So Emily sent this video to her sister, with the caption just because I'm depressed doesn't make me a bad mom and it was a perfect example of adjusting expectations to help mitigate the effects of depression and mom guilt. You know, so it was what can I do with where I'm at and be honest about where I'm at and still interact in the way that I can and I think it's really important for our kids to be able to see that sometimes we go through hard times that could be a grief or a loss that we have. I remember when my mom died I went through a period of deep grief and my youngest. She was probably seven or eight at the time she came up and handed me a note. One morning I had been in the living room. I had taken some time to write my journal and I was crying. Not that I wouldn't of cried in front of her, but I did know she was watching me and she came up and handed me a note that said, your tears are beautiful are you are beautiful when you cry because it shows me your heart or something like that and I remember thinking why do we think we had to hide the stuff that's not very pretty and what are we doing to our kids then or what are we doing for our kids to hide that because they're going to go into real life and their struggle in ways and then to be married to people who struggle and it's it's just, you know how are we equipping them were teaching them how to grieve were teaching them.

It's Deuteronomy 6 yeah, as were walking along.

The waves were lying down. As we get up I went to that same thing. My best friend and older sister died when I was 39 and I remember driving the boys to school and I was crying and I was praying like Lord I'm so sad I'm sad because I miss my sister.

I'm sad that her four boys don't have their mom Lord help us to understand. I need you so much that my heart is just so sad. Help me to see you in this. I think that's good for our kids to see that we cry out to God to see that we may not understand what happened but were still reaching out to him and I love Matthew 1128 through 30. When we talk about these things, even for us as moms and dads are you tired, worn out, burned out on religion come to me get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me. Watch how I do it, learn from the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill fitting on you. Keep company with me and you learn to live freely and lightly and I love that because it's from the message version but it just really gives us a picture of God, saying, come to me all you who are weary and heavy laden, yes, which in some ways describes the parents life. You feel you feel heavy yeah oh. Even your second one in the book is God won't give you more than you can handle it ditto is true because, as were listening here. It's like love.

This is a lot to handle. Yeah I know it's true what is not true. So they had all the time. We say I think we say it in a couple ways with knowing someone's going to something really difficult.

We want to give them encouragement that they're going to make it so we say we might even say that you know what the Bible says God will never give you more than you can handle, but it's really not in the Bible there's another verse that talks about not being tempted beyond what you can bear. But in terms of the burdens that we sometimes carry there's nothing that says that God dishes them out in proportion to how strong we are to bear them.

You know, and my sister has heard that she has five children and she's had people say some version of this like while you know when they see her at the grocery store will God must know that you can handle all those kids that's what you and she wants to say no why I actually can't have children you know and they would be better off with someone else. She has shared that she has thought that too. So I think that the thing I'm trying to do with that one is just if it leads us to self dependence or self-sufficiency or this idea that I can do this. I'm strong enough in and of myself to be able and God wouldn't have given this to me if he knew that I couldn't do it. I think if we can flip that around and think I'm not strong enough on my own to do this. This is more than I can handle but God will help me. He will give me the strength in my weakness. His strength is made perfect. It's a shift in your thinking, but I think it makes a huge difference in those moments when you really do feel like this is too much for me where it's the chaos of just everyday living, or whether it's a really difficult season. I remember on I think Dave was out of town and our boys are five, three, and again a newborn and so the five and three-year-old were in the bathtub and I was in the other room, nursing her baby and thinking okay I have a breath just for a second when the older son says mom and son Mike okay just be not just get out of here right there you can go does no I don't want Huston to see in some like it's okay and so I can hear and get out of the tub and now he's running to another bathroom and he yells his brother runs out into the hallway and he's laughing his head off and now the fistfight rolling around on the ground with the proof there. I nursing the baby have to stop and the baby's crying and screaming and somebody rings the doorbell thinking okay this is way too much right now and you know my thoughts then goes to where is my husband happening right now. I do love this. Okay, this is more than I can handle right now. You don't know what I'm doing.

You feel out of control at times. Yeah.

And so I like that you're saying sometimes it does feel little more than we can handle bandages shift our focus and just know that in every moment God can give us the strength that we need to turn to him and I remember thinking later.

Someday I'm gonna laugh at this day. Yes, someday I will. And here you are not, but that date. User yeah. It's interesting because you know what I hear in sheer stores like that. I remember those. But also remember she you were able to bring joy and laughter even in the middle. Some of the chaos. Not all the time. There were moments where was just beyond control, but somehow this is something moms do because I often didn't see any humor in the most yet there you were, smile and laugh and even most of the chaos. I think every mom. Hearing this, but St. there are such highlights. You can even explain the joy in the love you feel yeah and yet it can be really hard at times to yeah so I really to your point, I think one of the ways that I am able to find joy and you know is with my friends and I don't know if guys necessarily would think to do this, but something crazy happens, like what and to subscribe to call your friend and tell somebody and have them laugh with you, that's just like my lifeline all throughout raising my kids and having or having them in a situation that might be hard but to be able to call a friend and have them find the humor for me. If I can't find it right so funny I would never think yes hunger Colorado College. The first thing you do. I think if that's kind of memory you want to come up later.

I wouldn't give them the sooner right I would just everything I am to call someone told this crazy man. I think moms listening that have friends there like amen yet, I need that. How would you encourage moms that don't have that right now. Maybe they've moved into a new place. They don't have that connection. What would you encourage them with what I think to try to develop those friendships, even if it seems kind of surface he at first you know you meet somebody, I think, to be able to gradually begin to take a risk and pick up the phone a call or shoot somebody attacks and say I have a story to tell you or something and I think Leslie began to be vulnerable. Whether it's with just the crazy moments that we can laugh at ourselves, or even with the hard stuff that's how we we build those friendships is really good and I know that with our church to find a church, sometimes in the hot mom groups yeah mom Bible studies are small groups that can be a great way and you're probably even if you get kids in school. I made a lot of friends to our kids in school or home schooling through that co-op situation so seeking out because we need to gather as women.

Yeah, I think being a part of a mom's group is something that is so life-giving that I did that when my kids were younger and most of the speaking that I still do is at moms groups mops moms of preschoolers and these are women who they gather together and they often times will hear from a speaker and then sit around the table and talk about what they just heard and then hopefully they're able to do some measure of life together outside of the group and I've learned a lot from sitting in on those discussions when I speak I will often ask the leader is okay if I sit at a table because that means where I can really get a feel for where these moms are at an there's some great mentoring that goes on thereto because you have older moms it's are saying this is a phase now know that it seems overwhelming, but that phase will change and so that's so helpful yeah yeah about the number five is the teenagers yeah to close things people say or just wait till they become teenagers in the office and say this one right after they've seen you in the grocery store and they tell you to enjoy every minute because the time goes so fast and then will say just wait till they become teenagers, you know, especially if you're overwhelmed with the young kids that just fills moms with a sense of dread that if you think it's hard now just wait that's kind of the thing right at times it just fills you with fear my sister when I was writing that she has three teenagers right now and she said oh please, you know, please write something that gives us hope that it's not going to be all terrible when they become teenagers. So I wrote about some of my favorite things about the teenage years. It's challenging, it's just like I think any season of parenting has its own challenges, but I really feel like the teen years is when you really get to see who your kid is becoming their personality there humor my daughters are very funny but the three of them together are hysterical and that's something that's been so fun to see you now as they've gotten older I had help from a friend who was a youth pastor at our church. I emailed him and said, you know, could you maybe send me a couple things of what you love about working with teens because he's been working with teens for decades, and he's raised his own, and I thought he would send me back a couple little things yeah but when he sent the email back. The subject said so many things and he just said they have passion they ask probing questions and if they know your truly taking them seriously ill share their thoughts and opinions. Sometimes they may even ask for yours.

They have half a century or more of life in front of them and so anything they discover as a teenager literally has decades to grow and bear fruit that goes back to the pilgrimage.

You know the Longview or knocking to see everything that is growing and taking root in our child's life. Right now it's gonna grow fruit you know over the years. They believe they can change the world because they've usually not been beaten down by life yet they can simultaneously be both nave and wise beyond their years and I have seen that you know they kind of flipped and flopped back and forth between your acting like a child and why can't believe you just said that you say that again. I've said that like let me write this down because sometimes they say things that are so profound, so yeah, he's shared so many things that you love about working with teens when our oldest was 13. I can tend to get pretty passionate and so something had gone on before school that I was like all man like you are not doing anything this weekend and then we got in the car and I striving into school and he was in the passenger seat.

This can be pretty typical that I'll say okay I was a little out of control and went a little overboard. I'm sorry like I shouldn't of gotten mad like that and I said what you feel this morning when all that happened and he sitting in the passenger seat with his arms crossed and he just looking ahead, and he says nothing.

So my take seriously like let's just talk this out before we get to school because I want to get this settled and I want to get it resolved before you get out of the car he says nothing.

He just keeps looking forward so we get to the school and I said don't get out of the car. I'm in the line. Don't get out of the car until we at least say something. He looks at me. He opens the car door and he walks into the school and now I can't do this. I don't know what to do, like the cars behind me start honking because I'm trying to think like Michael Gideon check taken out for breakfast. I don't know what to do and so I just keep driving and then as I'm trying to figure it out. This is what comes to my head, will pray the way that sometimes the last thing you and I love James one that says if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives generously yeah and so I my clerk.

I don't know what to do. I have a teenager like is this the beginning is this and I'm feeling this panic in my mind and my heart and this picture comes into my head and I go home and I get a piece of paper and I draw a stick figure of a girl or woman and a guy and then I put this brick I draw this brick in between them and I put it on the desk for CJ studied every night he comes home he goes up to study like he usually does and he comes downstairs with this paper in his hand because mom are you guy trying to be an artist with all yeah that's me and that's you, and we had a fight this morning that we did resolved and so it's like this warmed brick that we created between us and is just sitting there and he says I'm not even mad mom and like I'm not either. I'm not mad, but that doesn't mean the brick is gone or just not mad that it's there. We don't have feelings about it and then I said this I said CJ dad and I travel around the country and we see marriages that have a fight and the creative brick and have another fight, and they form a break in. Then I made this wall of bricks and ice and I see parents all the time with teenagers that they have a fight. They don't talk about it. They have fight. They don't talk about is never resolved. And so they have these walls and now as adults they can't even have a discussion with their grown kids don't want that with dad and I don't want that with any of you. It's so funny is a 13-year-old can only do he says. So how do we get rid of the bread and then we just talked, we prayed I apologized. He apologized and I took the eraser and I erased it I just said let's just never have any of those between us and we prayed. Later that night before he went to bed about a couple that was getting a divorce and he said mom did those people never figure out how to get rid of the brakes and it was one of those parenting times Becky to Mike says they had no they got it now. The next night. It could have been a catastrophe. You just relish it felt like a miracle in the Monday now every day feel so mundane at times but it felt like this miracle happened of it, and that's the beauty of the teenagers. It can be, and parents to it can be really up and down like a roller coaster.

Yeah, but it's sweet when you get there with them. Yeah, they are amazing and that idea came to you after you prayed and asked God, pray and ask God for wisdom is so creative and he yeah yeah me. I don't have that in God. It is easy for us to forget him. The moment in the challenges of parenting the lifeline that is available to us in prayer to build him Oh what peace we often forfeit, O what needless pain we bear, all because we do not carry everything to God in prayer and I will set up in talking to beta Becky Beaudoin about some of the crazy things that moms here are well-intentioned but still stumble crazy in the moment, Becky has written a book called enjoy every minute of the ridiculous things we say to moms and were making her book available today to family life today.

Listers those of you who can help support the ministry of family life with a donation.

Your donations are the lifeline for us to be able to continue to connect with hundreds of thousands of moms and dads every day you are providing ongoing discipleship for parents for married couples are people all around the world who are coming to family life looking for practical biblical help and hope for their marriage and for their family. Every donation helps us reach more people more often with the timeless truths of Scripture. So thanks to those of you who have supported us in the past.

If you could make a donation today would love to send you as a thank you gift Becky Beaudoin's book. Enjoy every minute of the ridiculous things we say to moms. You can donate among the family life or you can call one 800 FL today to donate the website family life or the member to call is one 803 586-329-1800 F as in family L as in life from the Lord today. Now are the child raising years years that you shut your marriage on the back burner so you can pour yourself into raising your kids. That's what David and Wilson will talk with Becky Beaudoin about tomorrow.

Hope you can tune in for that behalf of our hosts will some unbearable pain.

We'll see you back next time for another edition of family life today.

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