Facing temptation is a part of living on earth. And in this culture, sexual temptation is one of the challenges all of us face. Christopher Yuan says to fight temptation, we have to realize who we really are. The desires and the feelings that we get, and sometimes we can say even bombarded, sometimes during the day could be like, I'm good.
Other types of the day or types of the week or just like you're just bombarded with these thoughts that you didn't ask for and these feelings and these desires. I'm going to be filtering those all through the grid of my identity in Christ. This is Family Life Today. Our hosts are Dave and Anne Wilson.
I'm Bob Lapine. How does understanding your identity in Christ affect your ability to deal with temptation? That's one of the things we'll talk about today. Stay with us. And welcome to Family Life Today.
Thanks for joining us. You know, we've already talked about this a little bit this week about what feels like kind of a renewal among Christians today about the importance of understanding our identity in Christ, understanding who we are as Christians. I'm thinking about the movie that our friends Alex and Stephen Kendrick did recently that was about that, a movie called Overcomer. There are books being written on this subject. This is a vital issue in our day for every believer to understand who am I in Christ?
What does God say is true about me? Yeah, and I've seen the same thing, Bob. I would say God's doing this probably around the world, but definitely in our country. I've watched it for the last three or four years. Anne and I have talked about it many times. There's this theme that's rising up in literature.
I've noticed it a lot in music. That's what I was going to say. I ended a sermon, grabbed my guitar and singing, I'm no longer a slave to fear. I am a child of God. That sound like we could record that right now?
I don't think so. But that very, you know, and the church stood up and starts saying it's because there's something in our soul that needs to know who am I? And so I think God is speaking to us in the church and trying to remind us this is the core of your identity.
I was reading an article earlier. In fact, we were reading it together about how adolescents, young people are really struggling with what is their identity. And in our world today, when they are confused about their identity or when they are insecure about their identity and somebody comes along and says, well, maybe you need a new identity, maybe you need as a girl to shave your head and wear boys clothes and maybe you're really a boy.
That can be attractive just because you want something fresh and new. Yeah, I think it's starting all over. It's becoming someone new. And maybe it's because we haven't liked the old person. And so we're trying to figure out who am I? It's interesting for 33 years now, I've led a Bible study for the Detroit Lions Wives. And this past year, I asked them to introduce themselves in a little different way. I said, I want you to introduce yourselves, but you can't say what you've done, who you're married to or accomplishments that you've had in your life.
And the room was silent. It took a long time. Finally, someone said, I'm loving. But it's interesting when you think about your identity apart from your desires, your accomplishments, it's hard to come up with that answer. Well, the reason we're focused on this issue is because it's at the heart of a book that our friend Christopher Yuan has written called Holy Sexuality and the Gospel. And Christopher is back with us again today. Welcome back. Thanks, Bob. We have been talking about this issue of sexuality and identity is at the core of understanding our sexuality, isn't it?
Yeah, it is. That's why my book began that way. Honestly, I think in the conversation around sexuality, the concept of identity is really the missing piece that we've, as Christians at least, are not getting. The world gets it.
The world actually has completely embraced it. So when we engage with our gay neighbor, our lesbian coworker, and, you know, we like, oh, you know, how do I talk to them about this? And we begin with sinful behavior. The reason why it's so offensive is because, and I'm just gonna make it personal, when I lived as a gay man, being gay, as I would have said, being gay is not something I did. Being gay is not what I felt. Being gay was who I was.
100%. So when we come at it and say, homosexuality is sin, you know, your same-sex relationship is sin, they don't hear you saying what you're doing is sin, you know, what your actions are sinful. What they hear is, you've just called me, my whole being, the core of who I am, as reprehensible, detestable, sinful. And that's why it's so offensive. So I think before we even address the sinful behavior, we need to step back and get at the core identity, which, honestly, I mean, and I love what you said that, who are we, you know, without saying, you know, I'm a mother or I'm a wife or whatever. That's hard, because this problem identity is not something that the gay community is wrestling with.
We all are. We put our identity in things that we do. You know, so I teach at Moody. I'm a teacher, but is that really who I am?
Because if I retire and I don't teach, am I still a teacher? I mean, I don't know, man, I guess you could say that, but I think many of the things that we then label ourselves or say that that's who we are, that might be more about what we do or even what we feel. So I kind of develop that and I say, well, so if that is not who we are, but I say, so sexuality is not who we are, it's how we are, then if that's not who we are, then who are we?
That's a very important question that I think all Christians, we need to ask ourselves that. Well, keep it personal for a minute. You said your own identity. You know, this is who I am. You don't believe that anymore.
No. So talk to me. Who are you? My whole life, this was 20 years ago, was gay. All my friends were gay.
And these are wonderful people, very successful, loving, kind people. All my friends were gay. I lived in an apartment complex in midtown Atlanta that was probably 95% gay men. I shopped at a gay Kroger. I worked at a gay gym. Everything around me was gay. The world was telling me I am gay.
All my friends were affirming that. Then when I became Christian and God began to peel away the layers of my wrong identity, I did have an identity crisis all over again, like I did when I was a teenager. I'm Chinese, so I dealt with identity. Who am I? Am I Chinese? Am I American? Am I Chinese-American?
Am I American-Chinese? Who am I? So I had this identity crisis as a newfound Christian, and I needed to study that for myself. And I came across all of these passages in the New Testament. We are in Christ. We are in him.
There's hundreds of these statements, and I need to fully understand what that meant. And then even going back to Genesis, that God created us in his own image. No other created being has that honor to be created in his image. And that's an important place to start, because you might say my identity today is I'm a child of God. But we need to back up and say, well, every human being has as an identity marker the image of God. We are all created in his image, whether you know Christ or not, and there is a nobility to that that often gets ignored or minimized when we're talking about behavior that we find inappropriate.
That's right. You know, just the fact that every one of us, whether you know Christ or you don't, we're all created in God's image. So even the worst mass murderer or the guy who's abused children, you know, whatever, just think of the worst whatever in your mind. That individual is even, and even if they're unrepentant, is still created in the image of God. Adolf Hitler was created in the image of God. Yes.
You guys have hit all the hard ones. Thank you. So that means every person in God's eyes has great value and has in us the very image of God. But the story doesn't end there. You know, Genesis 1 doesn't end. The Bible just doesn't end at Genesis 1 or Genesis 2. Unfortunately, we get Genesis 3, and that's an important part for us to understand as well. It does not take away the image of God.
It distorts it, but the image of God is never lost. And that then compels us forward to then, I mean, all of the Old Testament dealing with their sin and rebellion against God, but then pointing toward the Messiah, who is Jesus Christ, redemption. Thus, you know, my subtitle of my book, Sex, Design, and Relationship, shaped by God's grand story, God's grand story being creation, fall, redemption, and then, in the end times, consummation.
You know, where we'll be fully complete. But what Christ came, you know, of course we all know Christ came, you know, so that we have faith in him, our sins are forgiven. But we also need to realize Christ is the perfect image of God. And when we put our faith in him, he is, in a sense, restoring that image of God in us. So anyway, it's all about identity.
So yes, we are created in the image of God that's been distorted, but then as people of faith who now believe in Christ by grace, we then are being restored every day into the image of Christ, who is the perfect image of God. So our identity, now I realize, who am I? My identity is in Christ. I'm a Christ follower. And I don't want there to be any permanent modifier before my main identity in Christ.
I'm united with him. So if somebody says to you, I'm a gay Christian, what do you say back to them? Well, I don't identify as a Chinese Christian. I don't identify as a male Christian, even though, yes, I am male, and yes, I am Chinese.
But I believe any permanent modifier shouldn't be before who I am in Christ. I never liked labels growing up. I was called all different types of names, not only because I was Chinese, but because I didn't fit into the mold of a young boy. I was awful at sports. I was musical. And I grew, I think, once I got out of high school.
So I was teased ruthlessly. I never liked labels. And when I became a Christian, I was like, I still don't like labels.
But if there's going to be any one label that I will permanently put before who I am is I'm a Christ follower. I mean, hence, actually, my name, which is so ironic. My mother named me Christopher as a non-Christian.
I mean, it was, I think, God-ordained. I didn't know what that name meant all my life. I went by Chris. All my friends call me Chris. And, you know, in my testimony, having become a Christian in prison, when I had to sign my name on the dotted line to get out of prison, I had to sign my name, and not Chris, Yuan. But I had to sign my full name, Christopher. And I remember it clear as day, I looked at that, and I knew what that name meant. And as I was walking, as I was walking out of prison, I knew that this was going to be a very special day.
That I went into prison, my old man, and I walked out of prison a new man. And so I go by Christopher. Actually, our ministry is called Bearer of Christ. And actually, now I kind of insist people calling me Christopher, because it's still kind of different for me. It's your new identity. Everyone called me Chris. So when people call me Christopher, you know, it's harder to say.
You know, what do you want to go by? I go by Christopher. I know it's harder to say, but my name is Christopher. That's my given name. That's my God-given name. And also, it's a daily reminder for me that I'm on this earth for a reason, and that's to bear Christ.
Not, you know, accidentally, but purposely. That's who I am. And so when I walk into a room, I don't want people to say, wow, that's an interesting guy.
That's a nice Chinese man. That's a whatever. I want that person to hopefully walk away and say, man, that guy's different.
You know what? I see Christ in him. That's what I want. So I don't even identify as the same such-attracted Christian. Yes, that might be something that I might wrestle with.
But actually, the fact that I might still experience such-attraction isn't really the real issue. The real issue, I still wrestle with my sin nature. But in Christ, God has given me the ability to put to death my sin nature.
Put to death and be victorious over my indwelling sin that kind of continues and wants to haunt me on this side of glory. But that's who I am. And so, yes, I might wrestle with the sinful temptations, but you know what?
So do we all. And that puts us on the same level playing field all daily in need of more of Christ. Well, I was going to say, I think every single person wrestles with that identity piece, wrestles with who we are in Christ. Even as a mom, moms can think, I'm a bad mom.
I'm a terrible wife and my husband is a bad husband. You know, we can go through all these things and I'm fat or I'm ugly or I'm stupid. And I think people, the more you think that, that can become part of our identity. Well, we're saying, do I have worth and value?
Exactly. And where do I find my worth and value? And apart from Christ, people are running around all over the place trying to say, I think I'm going to find it here. I think I'm going to find it there. When you find worth and value, you go, ah, this feels really good. And everybody's looking for that.
But apart from Christ, it's all counterfeit worth and value. It is. It's the easy thing to do. You know, this is, I'm a baseball player, I'm a mom. And honestly, you know, I would say there are many Christian moms out there that have made that the core of who they are.
They put everything. And then when things go wrong with their child, their whole world, that was my mom. She was your typical tiger mom. You know, her whole, she honestly, she gave up everything for her family. She came here to the U.S. on a full ride scholarship for graduate school and gave it up because her whole life she wanted to be a mom and a wife and a good wife. And that was her dream.
So she gave that all up and then here I am. I, you know, rebelled and, you know, and so her world was crushed. She wanted to end her life. She literally wanted to end her life. And it wasn't just me. My parents' marriage, they were going to get a divorce.
So it was just a combination of things that seemed to kind of snowball. But God used that. And instead of her taking her life, God gave her life. I mean, she says in her testimony she wanted to end her life and in reality she did.
Because one of her favorite verses is Galatians 2.20, For I have been crucified with Christ, but Christ now lives in me. And that's a key thing. But unfortunately, I think with many, even parents who have gay children, they beat themselves up because what did I do wrong? If I just went to all his soccer games or whatever it is, then she or he wouldn't.
But here's the reality. Perfect parenting doesn't guarantee perfect children. I actually tell many parents, it's not your fault. You could have been a perfect parent. Your kids are still sinners, no matter what you can do.
You know, I mean, we look at Adam and Eve in the garden. Did they not have a perfect father? Were they not raised in a perfect environment?
They still rebelled. You know, or what makes parents think they can do any better. Even, I bet, listeners, you probably have a friend who you look at them, they're like, They were the worst parents. Like, they did everything wrong and what happened? Their kids are great, right?
It's like, that's so unfair. And then you look at some other couple, they're like, they did everything right. You know, the mom stayed home, the dad did devotions and taught the Bible to them.
And the kids turned out wacky or whatever. What that tells me is, parents, you're not God. No parent can turn a heart to Jesus. Only God can do that. And so it's really helpful for us to realize, you know the goal?
And here I am as a single man giving parenting advice. The goal of a Christian parent, I don't believe, is necessarily to produce godly children. That's not the ultimate goal because we can't really change that. I mean, that can't be the main goal. The main goal for a Christian parent is to be godly parents.
You can handle that. You can change that. Point your kid to Christ, but you can't turn them, you can't make them believe in Christ. I think that's so important. And it ties into this identity because then it puts it back upon who we are.
Parents, your main focus is to love Christ, be more transformed into Christ, and not put your whole world around other things that aren't really who we are. So here you are, you know, as you think about your mom, who's praying for you and begging God for what you've become, but at this point you're not. So you go back to that prison cell and you walk out, you're a new man.
I mean, you get emotional thinking about it. So it's this cool identity moment. So your mom didn't change you. I'm not even sure you changed you. I didn't. And so we started talking about identity.
Let's make sure we close the loop there. How does your new identity in Christ, which is so cool, it's literally in your name. Yes. Yeah, I wish I had had my name, but in Christ is Christopher. So how does that apply now to the identity of who you are and especially even to your sexuality?
Walk us through that. Yeah, I think so. When we talk about identity in Christ, union with Christ, it really is, I mean, if we're just going to make a kind of practical, layman, everyday talk, I think the easiest way to think about it is what is like the main priority in our life? What is it that we dwell on?
Like, if you're a teenager in high school and you kind of have this new puppy love, you know, and all you think about is that person, that can be really consuming. And, you know, are we making Christ, his kingdom, the body of Christ, like the forefront of what we do throughout the day when I look at my schedule and what I'm doing throughout the day? And that doesn't mean that you're necessarily reading the Bible every moment of the day. I mean, that would be great, but we got to work, right? But while we're working, am I doing what I'm doing? Whether I'm answering a phone at an office, you know, am I doing that for the glory of God, that I'm doing it Christ-like?
If I'm an accountant, you know, am I crunching numbers? And I can be meditating on that. How can I be doing this for the glory of God?
I think these are all things that we need to think about throughout the day, whether you're on a break. Paul says pray without ceasing. Pray doesn't mean you need to close your eyes, you know, put your hands together. I just pray sometimes when I'm just walking down.
I'm waiting on an elevator, right? I mean, instead of listening to the elevator music, you know, I think about, man, you know, my friend that just asked me to pray, well, I'm going to do that, and I'm going to do that right now. I mean, just little, little things like that. What's the priority, the things that we make the main thing in our life every day?
And it can really, really be simple things. For me, that is what is identity. Even as a mother, when I'm shepherding my child, am I doing this and saying, you know, am I doing this, and am I pointing my child to Christ? Am I doing this in a way that is just infused with the good news of the gospel? So, here's what I hear you saying. I hear you saying, when you understand your identity, understand I'm a child of God, I belong to him, I'm in his family, this is who I am. Now, I'm facing decisions about my sexuality, about my desires, about my attractions, so my identity is going to govern how I respond to that input, is that right?
Yes, yes. So, the desires and the feelings that we get, and sometimes we can say even bombarded, sometimes during the day it could be like, I'm good. Other types of the day or types of the week are just like, you're just bombarded with these thoughts that you didn't ask for and these feelings and these desires. I'm going to be filtering those all through the grid of my identity in Christ. That even the feelings, because I know, my sinful behavior, anyone's sinful behavior always begins with the heart, with the desire in my mind. And if I'm not filtering those things, it's much easier to kind of fall right into the behavior. So, I need to be catching these things, my thoughts, my desires. So, the sexual desires that I have, I'm a single man, I'm not married to a woman yet. So, any sexual desire that I have, it will not be toward my potential wife. So, therefore, I need to be controlling those.
I need to be putting them under the authority of Christ and saying, that is not God's will. Even my relationships. And so, it's not just sexual, but also the romantic desires. And this is where, in my chapter on desire, I differentiated between not just sexual desires, but sometimes we then say, well, then we look at all the other non-sexual desires.
I think that's a little bit too simplistic. I think we also need to differentiate between, even though they might be non-sexual, and they might not be, you know, just friendship. We also have this category of the more romantic desires. I know what romantic desires are.
You know, when you're maybe, as a teenager, they kind of struggle with being able to differentiate, even 20-year-olds. I know when my heart is being led in one way. For example, if I'm at work and I'm thinking, you know, I wonder what she's thinking. You know, those are things that are kind of the more romantic. And if I'm having those romantic desires for someone that I know can't ever lead to a relationship that God would bless, a marriage. A married woman. Right.
Or another guy. Yes. Then I need to, even though I can say, oh, they're not sexual, I need to say those are not correct desires. They're pleasing.
And I need to stop them. Because I hear this, even among those in the gay community, or even people who will say I'm Christian and identify as gay, they could say, well, I know that the sex is wrong, the sexual desires are wrong, but we need to have like a covenant relationship, and we need to commit to one another. It's almost like marriage without the sex. And this is where I think that it's not correct, because, for example, if I was a young man, and I developed this very close relationship with this young woman, but she's married to another man. If we're not having sex, but we're having this romantic relationship, let's say, you know, I was a student, and I would walk her to class every day. We were students together.
Her husband wasn't going to the school, but we became best friends. We would even hold hands, but we wouldn't have sex. Would that be right or wrong? I hope all of us would say that's wrong. But the argument would be like, well, we're not having sex.
Why is that wrong? Because it's not the sex that's just wrong. It's not just even the sexual desires that's wrong. It's even the romantic desires as well. I actually look to what Jesus said on the Sermon on the Mount, where he said, if a man looks lustfully after a woman, he's already committed adultery, which means, if the act is wrong, the desire is wrong, and everything in between is wrong, even the behaviors that might lead to the sex, but might not be having sex. I think this is so significant and so important for us to get our arms around, and I think the key idea here, to understand what is our identity, and then to have our behavior governed by that understanding.
And when your behavior is different than your identity, something's wrong, right? Yeah, and I'm inspired right now in this way, because it's so easy to say, my desire's so strong, I can't really control it. I've heard Christian men say that, I just can't. And I'm hearing you say, yeah, you can. And I know I can, and I've had desires. We've all had wrong, sinful desires that are strong.
It isn't like they're, no, they're real, and they're strong, but in Christ, the identity piece again, there's actually a power that I did not have when I was not in Christ, that I now have, literally, the Holy Spirit of God lives in me. Can I control this desire? Yes, I can make decisions, I need a brother. You know, to go beside me, but I'd like to say to people listening right now, you can win this battle right now. You have the power. This is the same spirit that raised Jesus from the dead. So if he can raise people from the dead, he can help you put to death the desire that you're dealing with. Well, and I was thinking too, when you said you came out of prison, you literally were a new person because Christ was living in you. You had the power of the Holy Spirit. You were brand new, and you are brand new, and that is a new identity. And anybody in Christ is brand new.
That's the power of God's resurrection. This is why identity is so important because if you think about it, who we identify as, you know what flows from that? Thinking, our thoughts, our behavior, our actions, our relationships.
I really think that so much is tied directly into who we are because then if you have the wrong identity, guess what's gonna flow out of that? Wrong thinking, wrong behavior, wrong relationships. This is why this book is not just for people who are curious about same-sex attraction and that issue. This is a book that helps you understand human sexuality, all of our sexuality, our desires, our behaviors, our actions, and how the gospel and our sexuality ought to interact. I think this would be a great book for small groups to go through together, a good book for parents and teens to go through together.
Holy Sexuality and the Gospel, Sex, Desire, and Relationships Shaped by God's Grand Story. The author is our guest today, Christopher Yuan, and we've got copies available for you in our Family Life Today Resource Center. Order from us online at familylifetoday.com or call to order 1-800-FL-TODAY. The website again, familylifetoday.com.
The phone number is 1-800-358-6329. That's 1-800-F as in family, L as in life, and then the word today. You know, we feel like these kinds of conversations are important for us to be having, and it's important for us to keep coming back to what the Bible has to say about subjects like gender, identity, sexuality, marriage, parenting, all of the things we talk about here on Family Life Today. Our goal is to effectively develop godly marriages and families, and the way you do that is by continuing to renew your mind around what God's word has to say on these subjects. Family Life Today is committed to providing practical, biblical help and hope for your marriage and your family, but the people who really make sure this word gets out, well, it's some of your fellow listeners. It's those of you who have joined arms with us by making donations to this ministry so that we can reach more people more regularly with God's design for marriage and family. If you're a regular listener and you've never made a donation or it's been a while since you've donated to support this ministry, let me encourage you to go to our website, familylifetoday.com, to donate today or call to donate at 1-800-FL-TODAY. When you do, we'd love to send you, as a thank you gift, a copy of two books that we've talked about this week, Matt and Lisa Jacobson's books, A Hundred Ways to Love Your Wife, A Hundred Ways to Love Your Husband, A Hundred Ways We Can Proactively, More Effectively, Express Our Love to One Another in Marriage.
Again, those books are our thank you gift when you donate to support Family Life Today online at familylifetoday.com or when you call 1-800-FL-TODAY to make a donation. Now, tomorrow, we're going to talk about how suffering fits into this whole issue of human sexuality because when we learn to control our appetites, there can be suffering that goes along with that. We're going to talk more about that tomorrow with Christopher Yuan.
Hope you can join us. I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch. Got some help this week from Bruce Goff and our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Anne Wilson, I'm Bob Lapine. We'll see you back tomorrow for another edition of Family Life Today. Family Life Today is a production of Family Life of Little Rock, Arkansas. A crew ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.
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