Hospitality In the Hard Times

Morgan Tyree remembers learning a lot about hospitality and about being a good neighbor. From the example of another family she knew.

They would pull a campfire outdoor kind of fire pit out in their driveway and just bring a bunch of s'more stuff. And then if people were out on their evening walks or just happened to be passing by, they'd invite them to come and have a s'more, make a s'more. And so that to me just is simple.

It doesn't really require much effort. And it's also just reaching out to your neighbors, which I think we need to do more of too. This is Family Life Today. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson.

I'm Bob Lapine. You can find us online at familylifetoday.com. Maybe s'mores in the front yard is not your thing, not the way for you guys to do hospitality.

But there is a way, and we'll talk about some of those options today. Stay with us. And welcome to Family Life Today. Thanks for joining us. If you guys don't have any plans tomorrow night, Mary Ann and I would want to see if you guys would like to come over for dinner.

We'd love to have you over to the house. He's feeling guilty now. I know. I'm not feeling guilty at all.

It's because he just read a spectacular book. I just want to ask, have you asked Mary Ann this? I texted her and I haven't heard back yet.

I think she put it on mute when she got the text. But no, we'd love to have you over for dinner if you're not doing anything. You guys talk about it and let me know, okay? Okay.

Whatever works out best for you. This is very much like you. He's asking us as we're doing our interview. What does that mean, honey? Dave usually asks me the most pertinent and unknown questions when we're on stage speaking together. I've been known to do that.

Or he bears this essence of his soul in front of thousands. It's just like, you've never told me this in our family room. One of the things we are talking about this week is hospitality, and Morgan Tyree is joining us to talk about this. Morgan, welcome back.

Thank you. Morgan has written a very interesting – You know what I was just thinking, Bob? Look, look. It's like Jesus is in the room and so you're just playing up to her. The queen of hospitality is sitting right here.

You're like, hey, do you want to come over tomorrow night? I want to go to Morgan's house. Morgan, he's never asked us that, ever, until today. Morgan is a blogger. She's written a book called Your Hospitality Personality. She's apparently the queen of hospitality, as Dave just said. And everybody who's around her just has to kind of perform, right? We up our game.

We do up our game. Did you take the test? No. Because there's a test in your book, right? Correct, yes. And it helps you determine which is your hospitality personality, which I think is a fascinating concept, that we're not all wired the same when it comes to hospitality. You haven't taken the test? No, I haven't. And by the way, this is on your website.

We've got a link at familylifetoday.com. Somebody wants to see what their hospitality personality is. It's in her book, too. That's right.

But as you read her... Wait, wait, wait. Bob's going to get you something. Don't put him off.

That's okay. No, he can interrupt me. I'm very open to that. He's such a hospitable guy.

I want him to feel comfortable and relaxed with whatever he's thinking. Go ahead, Dave. I mean, when you look at the four hospitality personalities... And we ought to explain what those are.

What are those again? Yeah. So there's the leader, also known as the director, the entertainer, the includer, and the organizer.

So the leader's the person who says, I'm in charge of things. Correct. The entertainer is saying, we'll all have fun. Yeah. The includer is looking around and saying, we want to make sure that everybody is happy.

And the organizer's going, we don't have enough paper plates. Correct. Okay. Yes, that's a good way to say it. Perfect. Yeah, that's good. So you hear that.

Right. And you sort of self-test yourself. What are you? I'm probably a mix of leader, entertainer. I think if I, I'm probably going to be more on the entertainer side, although I think I know what makes a better party than you do. So I should be in charge of it too.

So I should be in charge and then I should entertain you when you come. That's what I think. Does that sound like me to you?

I think that does. And Bob's really good. You're really good with throwing people out, asking questions, which you've been doing this professionally for a long time. Which you're really good at as well. Are you an entertainer, you think?

I think so. But Dave is such a, Dave is awesome. Dave is a higher entertainer.

Here it comes. And so I'm always trying to shift to find my place. I'm asking a lot of questions and Dave's telling a lot of stories. I'm guessing you are also an include that you're looking around and going, I want to make sure everybody, like if somebody hasn't been asked a question or drawn into the conversation, you're going to bring them in. And I'll think, Dave, you need to be quiet now and you need to ask someone else a question because that person hasn't talked all night.

This is so my life. I'm not going to say another word the rest of the day. Who's the planner between the two of you? Is there a planner? Neither one. No, I mean, Ann has to end up being the planner, which is where we get into conflicts, really.

Because I don't think I'm very good at it. Here's the other thing, Morgan, it'd be interesting to hear this because when we do have people, I'm okay. I wonder if Bob's like this, to just talk about nothing. Just enjoy and laugh and talk about sports or whatever. Ann is going to be frustrated if we don't go somewhere. Like, let's get a little deeper.

Which isn't always a good thing. We had an NFL player over who is now on TV. Because you were the chaplain for years for the Detroit Lions, so you know a lot of guys who were in the league, right? So he was a player with Detroit Lions at the time and he and his wife came over.

I think their rookie year or something. It was their first year of marriage and I had gotten to know his wife and she was great and she was really hoping their marriage would go in a certain place. So I just started asking questions like, hey, how are you guys doing?

First year can be great and it can be hard too. Like, how are you doing? Those kind of questions. This is at the dinner table and I look over at this player.

I mean, nobody's going to know in 40 years. I look over at Chris and he's like just frozen. I can tell he is uncomfortable with this question. Now his wife is loving it and Ann keeps going. Like, oh, tell me more. It's like on a scale of one to ten, what's your marriage right now? It didn't go that deep.

I didn't say that. He literally got up and left. He walked into the other room.

So I ended up going out in the family room. I go, Chris, what are you doing? He goes, I'm uncomfortable with these kind of questions.

This is not something I want to talk about. He was pacing. And by the way, this is a guy after the game would pace around the locker room. Okay. He was just a nervous type guy.

Very, very gifted what he did in life and now a broadcaster. I mean, it was obvious that we went too far. No, I didn't go too far. I never did.

You didn't. My wife went too far. I'm always assuming everybody wants to go that far, but they don't. And so I think, yeah. So that wasn't being hospitable?

What do you think? Well, I think that it's important to pick up on if someone is feeling uncomfortable. So the sweat dripping down his forehead. Yeah, maybe that sweat should have been the sign.

They get in their car and drive away. Yeah. I mean, there's some obvious signs we want to pay attention to, right? Definitely. For sure. But I think that we're going to make mistakes or we're going to do things that maybe are unintentional, but I think it's rolling through that.

And I think your heart was in the right place. You're just trying to engage and connect, which is what we want to do. But knowing ourselves and also knowing what our guests need from us or maybe knowing their background or anything we can know ahead of time can help us know how to navigate what we do when we're in the moment. So if you're an Includer, and what is your husband? Well, I'm a primary organizer, secondary Includer, yes. So he's an entertainer. How does that work together?

Tell me what an evening would look like. Me doing all the details. Do you ever get resentful of that? I mean, by the way, you have like a degree in organizing, right?

Well, a business degree, but I've been organizing since I was young. I mean, tell them what your website is, Morganize With Me. Morganize With Me. That's right. That's good. Yeah. So I'm a planner.

I'm detailed. And actually, he is really hands on. He's a cook too. But what's funny is that he is very focused on getting the right playlist together. And I would never, I'm like, why do we need the music? We need to get the ice or whatever it is, you know, and he's over there because, you know, he's more outgoing and entertaining and all those things.

There's a story I share in the book. This is just the best synopsis of us is we were at a work Christmas party and he loves to dance, which I do too, but he's at another level and he starts doing like a Michael Jackson whole thing thriller. And like, I think we're supposed to be dancing together and like, it's apparently I can't match that. And so I just slip back. I move away. I find a seat.

He continues on. So, oh yeah, well, of course he doesn't mind. Entertainers are like, bring it. Yeah.

And what I like is that I think I was attracted to that because it softens me. I never have to worry about the conversation being kept alive cause he could talk to anyone all day long. Right. And I can converse too, but it's, I think we've really fine tuned sort of how we host together. And we do have to have conversations around how much because my threshold might be a little more or less than his will say so, but I do think we overall compliment each other pretty nicely.

I just want to note it. Anybody get at the end of the evening and say to you at the door as they're leaving, I loved your playlist. I've never had anyone say that. Usually it's too loud too. He just plays it like an awesome, like just sounds like our marriage, but she keeps pointing at me. Yeah, but well Dave, we're talking or even having this conversation and Dave's listening to the music and he, and he's banging on the table like he's beating it, you know, as people are talking and I'm like, shh, don't, don't, don't hit the table. It seems like you're not listening to them.

It seems like you're in another place right now. But the good thing is it sounds like you have been able to celebrate each other's roles and differences. Yeah, I agree. And I think it actually has really helped us host more and we lived overseas for three and a half years and there was a span where we had house guests for months.

I want to say it felt like four or five months and it was so enjoyable. We had the right layout for it, but again, I think our personalities really compliment each other. So what I want to encourage people to do is if you're hosting with a friend or a spouse to look for someone that can help compliment you if there's areas that are less natural for you because it will only build your confidence and help you hopefully enjoy the time more. And when you're enjoying yourself more, you're going to have more to give to the people that you're celebrating with. And it's interesting, like this is a spiritual gift. Like I'm thinking of first Peter four, nine through 11 it says, offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others as faithful stewards of God's grace in its various forms. If anyone speaks, they should do so as one who speaks the very words of God. If anyone serves, they should do so with the strength God provides so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ.

To him be the glory and the power forever and ever. So I don't think we always look at hospitality as a spiritual gift. Like this is serving.

This is loving. This is something Jesus would do. Absolutely. You know, it also sounds like though, if you call it a gift, you can say, I don't have that gift. You know, like evangelism is a gift and yet we're all called as Father Christ to be evangelist. I may not think I have the gift of hospitality, but I'm called to do it right and I can.

True? Well, yes, because it says whatever gift you have received to serve others. So I think that speaks to the, we all have gifts to give to others and how we show up for others.

It goes on to say, the one who speaks, let him speak, the one who serves, let him serve. I'm thinking of hospitality where speaking and serving are going to be going on throughout the evening. So you're using your gifts in that environment. I'm thinking when I was growing up, if my parents had somebody over for dinner, it was typically somebody who I think the idea was having them over might help with the work scenario. You know, we'll have this person over, we'll do a nice meal, I'll impress the boss, I'll get the promotion. So there was a self-serving motivation for having people over into your home. I'm not saying that's all my parents ever did, but I think it was more culturally the idea that if you want to get ahead in the workplace, you better have the boss over for dinner and show him that your wife's a great cook. I don't know what that had to do anything, right? But what we're saying is that there is a motivation for hospitality that is another focused motivation, another centered motivation that is a ministry-oriented motivation where we are going to speak and serve and love and grow in community and grow in concern and care for one another where it's not about me trying to impress you, it's about me trying to care for you.

And love you. Yeah. And I love that it's included in the spiritual gifts because it's a way to bring glory to God. It's a way to create healthiness in the body of Christ and community in the body of Christ. You also talk about hospitality habits and our setting being an open or closed home. What does that mean? Well, I broke down, there's different seasons, I think, where sometimes you may need to have more of a closed home or more of an open home and even just within your own personal style or personality. And so an open home is going to be, I share in the book, we're in a season where that's very much what's happening with teenagers coming and going. We've tried to really create a home that says we're open, we want you teenagers in here, we want your messes, we want you eating from our fridge, we want our home to be a place that's just a place they can come and drop by. So that's an open home.

Yeah. So open home, and not that you have to have a revolving door with an open home, but an open home says, I want people in my home, I want them over. A closed home would be maybe if you're in a season where if you've had really young children and you're just exhausted or you are in a big life transition, just being really aware of if you're ready to open your home, is it the right season of life for you?

Because there is times where maybe if you're going through a crisis, having more of a closed home for your own health and well-being is okay too. So as you talk about whether your home is open or closed, if you have kids that are, let's say even teenagers or 10-year-olds, is that a conversation you have as a family? Are you drawing your kids into this?

Well, I think that's a really good idea. And especially also knowing your kids kind of what their personalities are and what they want because some kids are going to be more prone. I know this in my own home, some are more prone to bring in all the people.

And then I have another child who's like, I hardly see his friends. So knowing your kids, but communicating to them what you want your house to be. Kind of a vision.

You're casting a vision. Yes, exactly. And I think, as I mentioned earlier, how we view hospitality as children or what we grow up in, we will tend to carry forward.

So I do think it's important for parents to think of how do I model hospitality and how do I use my home? Yeah. I mean, the question would be, you know, open home. When I hear that term right now during a pandemic, I'm like, oh, we're not allowed to. We're all closed. We have to be careful.

Yeah. So how do you practice hospitality in the middle of a pandemic? I know I did not plan to write about social distancing and staying six feet apart. So it's definitely new territory. But I think what's interesting about the new limitations is that it's showing how much we need connection and community, the virtual things that have taken off, the ways people are still creatively finding ways to connect. So I would say with the limitations we have, dial up your creativity, you know, get creative. I think that using technology as a tool is a great tool and just showing up for people, whether that's virtually or dropping something on their doorstep.

There's a lot we can do safely still. I think it goes back to just remembering people and saying, I see you and I know you. And also acts of service. Great time.

If you live in a snowy climate, maybe be the best, you know, show snuggler on your street. And again, that can be secret hospitality, which I think is really fun, too. Well, it's interesting in your five sort of hospitality habits. We just talked about the first one, setting open or closed home.

Second one you call scheduling, planning or spontaneity. The other day, some of our friends who we've been friends and they lived in our neighborhood for what, 25 years. They just decided last year, God's calling them to move to Atlanta.

God did not call them away from us, but I guess they thought he did. But anyway, we got a text Saturday and said, hey, how about a date tonight? Like what? Let's just get on Zoom. Let's hang out. And we did. We sat on our couch. They sat on theirs. For a couple hours.

For a couple hours. So that was a planned, sort of, it was that day. So talk about that, because we're not greatest planners in the world, we're more spontaneous, but there's both, right?

And how does that work? Yeah. So I talk about it being on a continuum, you know, one on one and one on the other. And I think there's a place for both. And I think it's important to tap into scheduling intentionally at times. And this is, again, assuming we can gather or what have you, but it can be really common to kind of say to yourself, oh, we need to have so-and-so over, oh, I need to make sure and do that. But it's sort of, it remains a thought and not a planned activity. So I would just say if you're working on being more intentional with hospitality, scheduling it can be very helpful.

But then also don't miss those spontaneous opportunities as well. Yeah. And you even mentioned your kids. They're wired totally different that way. Oh, definitely. I mean, one runs out the door and can't find their shoes. I mean, we all have that. Some of it's inbred.

And let me ask you this, because we haven't even talked about it. It's one of your five S's, extrovert, introvert, because it could be easy to think hospital people are always extroverts, not hospitable or introverts. Is that true?

Is that connected? Well, I think extroverts, you know, they gain energy by being around people. So a lot of times we may think that they're the real natural hosting types, but introverts have a real strength in connecting one on one and being very other centered and being very focused on people. So again, just really knowing how you're hardwired, how you respond in social situations can be really helpful to know what size of group maybe you feel the most comfortable in.

And then also whoever you're hosting with considering that too. Because I know for myself being more introverted, I've really realized I can do better as far as showing up and really being authentic with people if it's the right size of group, or I should say a smaller size group for me, just because if it's a table of eight to 10 people, I'll just sort of become quieter, you know, just by by my natural personality. I like that you gave some illustrations to have even planning spontaneity. You talk about your friends, April and Abby.

Tell the listeners what they did. Yeah, I love their idea. So they will in the summer times and again, this is when things were not restrictive, but they would pull a campfire outdoor kind of fire pit out in their driveway and just bring a bunch of s'more stuff. And then if people are out on their evening walks or just happen to be passing by, they invite them to come and have a s'more, make a s'more. And so that to me just is simple.

It doesn't really require much effort. And it's also just reaching out to your neighbors, which I think we need to do more of too. Yeah, we were walking a couple months ago when it was warm in Michigan.

And this happened several times. One of our neighbors has younger kids. We don't even know them that well.

They're quite a ways down. And I think about every Friday night, they put a projector screen in their yard and we were walking by and they're showing Frozen and half the neighborhood with little kids are there. And these are people they don't even say, you know, it isn't an invite only. Anybody can show up. The families are distanced from one another and they all bring their own snacks and they all bring their own lawn chairs. But it was really cool just to see that it was something that was intentional, but it had become this habit now of every Friday night. There they are. Most of the kids in the neighborhood.

What a great thing to look forward to for them. Yeah. And you even talk, one of your habits is sharing, giving or receiving. I got to be honest. I read this story about the woman coming and braiding your hair in the hospital and I'm like, wait a minute, that's going too far.

Of course, I have no hair to braid, but you know, tell us what that meant. I mean, what was that about? Well, it's interesting. That has been a story that I've had many, many people comment on that that's what really touched them.

It's interesting what resonates with people. So Jamie is a good friend of mine. And when we started our family, we were living away.

So I didn't have family or friends nearby or anyone close. And I had had my second child and she came to the hospital and was just showing up and she'd also watched our daughter while we were in the hospital. She was just there for everything. But she offered to braid my hair, which I can be a little more of a private reserve person and it felt vulnerable because I was like, oh, okay.

And I have two sisters, but you know, she's a friend and I let her. And it just, there's so much love and care that swept over me because she just was sensing as another young mom, you know, she was just trying to be there for me and just care for me and love on me. I just love that example that it didn't take her much effort or planning. She just was there for me. And then to hear people be touched by that story, people that have hair and I'm just kidding, you know, it's beautiful because I think it made me feel known in the sense like she just wanted to be there for me and she was stepping in for my sisters in a sense or my mom. I think that's so sweet and it's vulnerable on her part too, because to ask and be in, it could be awkward, but I love that.

Even I remember last Christmas, of course, everything feels so different with COVID because now I'm thinking I would never do that. I remember, you know, the Salvation Army bell ringers and I just had this sense that I saw this person and I thought, God is so delighted with her. And I had this sense that I should just hug her and thank her like, look at you doing this.

You're out here and it's freezing in Michigan. And I just had this sense of God pulling me to really notice her and see her. And so then I go into this dialogue with God like, okay, I'm not going to hug her. That's weird. You know, and she'll think I'm weird.

But I had that sense and I did end up going to talk to her. But I love that connection with God, of God, how can I love people? How can I see people? How can I minister to people? And I'm so passionate about bringing our kids into that. Like to talk to our kids, you guys, how can we love people today? And even putting eyes on them of saying, Jesus, help us to see people today. And I'm thinking like, Dave hates us because I'm always wanting to give money away, of course.

And like to give your kids $5 and say, just let's pray this week or today as we go into the mall. Like, is there anyone that God just puts on your heart to give something to or to say something to? Well, I think here's the point, hospitality, we tend to think of it as an activity. It's really a heart orientation. It's living life with a perspective that says I need to be aware of who God has in my path, in my neighborhood, around me, who are the people who I could touch and care for and minister to.

It's a lifestyle. Whether it's walking, by the way, or having them over for dinner or braiding their hair or whatever it is, I just I want to real quickly see if I can just get Mary Ann in here on the conversation for just a second, find out about dinner tomorrow night, see if this is going to work. Hang on, let me make this call here. Well, this is what not to do to your wife. I love it.

You think this is this is a bad idea? You're really calling Mary Ann right now. Well, we'll see if she picks up, you know, because she may look at this and go, I'm not calling him because I know what he just texted me about. And Mary Ann is more introverted. Yeah, she is.

It's a ring in there in the background, I may not get to it. She's probably going, I'm not picking up. I know what you're calling. She knows you. You're calling because you texted me about this.

Yeah, it says call back. Okay, I get it. Okay. What did you text her? I texted her and said, what do you think about having the Wilsons over for dinner tomorrow night?

I want you to know, Bob, that Dave has never mentioned anything about having dinner with you guys. She said, I would love to. Actually, she said, okay, that's what she said. And then she just texted back and said, brownies and peppermint chocolate chip ice cream. That's as far as I've gotten, but it's the best part of the meal.

So it looks like she's moving ahead with this. There we go. You know, Bob, you're the most hospitable person I've ever known.

Aren't you sweet? I appreciate that. And as far as I read the book, the hospitality person, Morgan, thank you. Thanks for being here and thanks for helping walk us through all of this.

Hopefully in the midst of all of this, every one of us has said, okay, I need to get out of myself a little bit more and just be alert to the people around me and think, how can I express God's love to them through me? Thank you for this. Thank you. We mentioned the quiz, which is available online. You can go to our website, familylifetoday.com for more information on how you can take the hospitality personality quiz, and we're making your book, Your Hospitality Personality, available to Family Life Today listeners today. Those of you who want to support the ongoing work of this ministry, you want to vote in favor of what Family Life Today is all about, practical, biblical help and hope for marriages and families so that we effectively develop godly marriages and families who change the world one home at a time. When you make a donation today to help extend the reach of this ministry, we will send you a copy of Morgan Tyree's book, Your Hospitality Personality, as our thank you gift. The subtitle is How to Confidently Create Connection and Community. Go online at familylifetoday.com to donate or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to donate. Either way, be sure to ask for your copy of Morgan's book when you make a donation. Again, the website is familylifetoday.com, or you can call 1-800-358-6329 to donate.

That's 1-800-F as in family, L as in life, and then the word today. And with that, we've got to wrap things up for today. Thanks for being with us. Hope you have a great weekend. I hope you and your family are able to join together with your brothers and sisters and worship this weekend in your local church, and I hope you can join us back on Monday when we're going to talk about how we can push each other's buttons in marriage and how we can just be aware of the fact that we're doing that and maybe do it a little less or not get triggered when it happens. Guy and Amber Leo will be here to talk about that with us. We hope you can be here as well. I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, got some extra help today from Bruce Goff, of course, our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I'm Bob Lapine. We will see you back next time for another edition of Family Life Today. Family Life Today is a production of Family Life of Little Rock, Arkansas, a crew ministry. Hope for today, hope for tomorrow.