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Killing Spiders: Casting Out Fear From Your Marriage

Family Life Today / Dave & Ann Wilson, Bob Lepine
The Truth Network Radio
March 10, 2021 1:00 am

Killing Spiders: Casting Out Fear From Your Marriage

Family Life Today / Dave & Ann Wilson, Bob Lepine

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March 10, 2021 1:00 am

Gary Thomas encourages husbands and wives to love their spouses by eliminating the things in their marriage that irritate them. He describes what it takes to deepen intimacy in marriage.

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Family Life Today
Dave & Ann Wilson, Bob Lepine
Running to Win
Erwin Lutzer
Family Life Today
Dave & Ann Wilson, Bob Lepine
Our Daily Bread Ministries
Various Hosts
Family Life Today
Dave & Ann Wilson, Bob Lepine
Running to Win
Erwin Lutzer

For marriage to really thrive. Couples have to learn how to be transparent. How to be open and honest with one another. Here's author Gary Thomas America you want to just coexist you want to just get by and maybe reduce the level of conflict, but do you really want to be connected as a couple. It really comes out to do what you want what you want, how your marriage is so often it is just a fraud that we get married to be known and accepted. Then we hide and we pull back from each other but the best marriages are the marriages were each partner says to the other. You know what I am yours. This is family life today. Our hosts are David and Wilson about the pain by the sunlight of family life were to hear from Gary Thomas today about things we can do to deepen the intimacy in our marriage. Stay with us for and welcome to family life today. Thanks for joining us. I've had people over the years who have asked me because I been on all 10 of family life's love like you mean marriage, cruises, and so they've said what's your favorite part of the cruise, and I mean that's hard to pick as your some great ports you're on a great ship you get softserve ice can all day. Whenever you wanted. You can go get pizza whenever he wanted the middle of the night of three or more.

You want pizza you can go get pizza. That's all pretty great, but the speakers that we've had on the cruise.

Over the years, the chance to hear from the best of the best when it comes to the marriage relationship. That's what 10 years later still sticks with you the soft service. But those speakers.

I mean we just had such a great line up or talk about this because we have just open registration for the 2022 love like you made a marriage cruise February next year we will be back on the boat in the water, headed to some great ports there is information about the upcoming cruise on our website. If you are interested in going there and who's not. After this past year we will be back writing a way to go. You can go and register today. Best opportunity to pick the cabin you want to be in and you save $400 per couple. By registering this week but I remember we've had so many great speakers. Gary Thomas, who wrote the book sacred marriage has been on the cruise with us a couple of times he did a message back in 2016 about the elements that go into building intimacy in your marriage and he's talking not just about physical and sees talking about oneness, which is what were all about was just such a great message on the four keys to becoming a more intimate and humble in your marriage. Some years ago I was just about to go to sleep you let twilight when you're just about there were sounds in the world. It was smoke alarm. Why didn't go off at 10 AM or at 2 PM. They always go off at the worst times and we had these high ceilings of the time where we live, and it have to go down to the garage get a ladder and get the 9 V batteries as is just not worth the hassle. I just cannot will myself to sleep at some so after two or three times arises not to work so I go downstairs I get the latter gets a 9 V batteries rip off the smoke alarm you but the battery and get back in bed wrong one and so I go out in the hallway right I had a bunch of bats. I put the ladder in the hallway take that one out. I did it in, get back in my bed is my daughter's bedroom in six linear view.

I didn't even know my daughter's bedroom have one right next to the hallway so I do that I take it out. I get it in my adrenaline is just pumping right now. I know because I got in bed and Lisa was catapulted about 2 feet up in the air. I didn't just get it.

I conquered it I am Lord and master of his house, and you know what happened next. Please marriage me long enough to know something was going as he was Gary whenever you're thinking of doing please don't.

I gave her my favorite line from Rocky to honey.

I never asked you to stop being a woman, please don't ask me to stop being a man.

I got out my ladder. I ripped off every smoke alarm.

There's room all in a box to condense it. Lisa is appalled.

What if there's a fire as long as the fire takes the smoke alarms God's will be done. I want to get some sleep so I threw them all in and you can just a couple minutes later so I just put up with it for another couple beeps and then it was about midnight. By this time my son was in high school he had a midnight curfew so he came in he had to check in and tell us he was in, so he's talking to us like talking to us. The goes off and he goes home and he walks over my dresser. I had this brand-new thing called the flip phone. Did you know you missed the call, I wanted to try something across the street but I just signed up for a two-year plan so I wasn't able to do that, but I spent a furious hour of my life trying to treat the symptoms without dealing with the underlying cause and so often that's what we do with marriage. We treat the symptoms and we don't go for the underlying cause when I talk about the underlying cause I'm talking this morning about the heart. How do we shape our hearts to become a more intimate couple now. The four things I want to share our difficult their scary but they work they really can change your marriage. If we will let her heart move in these directions we can have radically different marriages.

If we just embrace and the reason I like it is often week we talk about the physical things we can do date night which is good scheduling sex which is fine. All of these things, love languages, those are wonderful things to learn about.

But how do we shape her heart because ultimately if you want to become one if you want to be reconnected as a couple. How do we get in there and and shape our heart and these are for spiritual practices. I found it really can do that is so if you're taking notes encourage you to take it down to Caesar great discussions how you can grow in this first area so the first one I want to talk about is simple. It's honesty it's honesty. If you want to increase the level of intimacy in your marriage, increase the level of honesty Jeremiah 85 warns of those who quote cling to deceit is always amazing to me as a pastor that we get married so we can share our lives together and then we spend most of our lives hiding from each other that creates a great frustration because we can't be intimate with somebody work were lying to intimacy by definition is been fully known and fully accepted and for not fully known. We can't be fully accepted and I know the minute particular, this is terrifying to us just a little window to the wives mom a lot of guys are just astonished that we got a woman to marry us when we were cut from sports teams by coaches. We were ridiculed by our siblings never thought measure. Somehow we got this woman to marry us and were afraid she gets to know us as we really are, shall be like the coach wants the goddess or the sibling to set her friends and we didn't quite measure up, but men when we give into that fear. We miss one of the most healing aspects of marriage my wife married a very insecure man still does a lot of insecure them three or four kids. I had two older brothers that were you you can't compete with them. I had the younger sister who was a little princess.

We got three boys. He got the princess and so when most healing things for me of always is. Lisa knows me literally better than anyone else. She still likes me. She still respect you and I can't believe Anna and I can't tell you the healing that brings into my life.

In fact, couple years ago we were with the couple at and I've been away at work all day we meet in a couple at the restaurant lease was the last one to arrive. She'd been at our home. So she came in. It was November. She kind of just coaches in an and gets close to me and and the other woman says her will or are you are you called skills.

Now I just been away from them all day. I really miss him and I felt like a king but here it just would been married almost 30 years. The time is been apart for one workday and Lisa was eager to see night. I can't tell you what that did for my soul. But here's the thing if I know I'm lying to her.

Instead of that moment making me feel great. It's going to terrify me to like how it feels abundant afraid, be afraid, well, she likes me because she does know about X or Y she respects me to send that out about wires he sought Mike and Adil because I don't want to lose that I'm to double down on the deceit to build a wall unlocking a letter, get to know me and then if I could just tell you most wise will tell me when the greatest frustrations and marriage is a feel like their husband just won't let a man they can never really get to know Mike like there's always something up. I talked this is a tragic situation with a rather young couple married less than five years, and she knew something wasn't right in her husband's life. She did know all of his past. He had been completely honest about before they got married and he hadn't dealt with it even though he was in the ministry and things were going well and she sat him down and she looked him in the eyes and said look I am the kind of woman who will work through anything and I mean anything, but you just gotta be on me I need to know what's going on in your life, and he knew he was kind of on the spotlight so he confessed to one of the weakest sins he could think of leaving a lot of dark still in the dark and when it finally came out as it will. She was done in their marriage is over. She was calling for him to be honest, and he refuses an and one of things I understand about what she's saying is you can't be intimate with the woman you are lying to deception becomes a part of that relationship and it's terrifying. But when we have a God of grace. We know forgiveness we know as we talked about last night JC to the we all stumble in many ways we have the context to be honest with each other to accept each other and to grow.

Justin Davis was a pastor who also had a really tough background, but this as I'm much happier ending.

He got involved in a lot of things in pornography and up having an affair with his wife's best friend. It came out and it took weeks and months for them to really be restored, but coming out of it. Missing outside of the guys he realized, deception has ruined my whole life is true in my relationship with God is true in my relationship with myself.

I'm disconnected for myself. I just connected with my wife. I can't believe I did that to my friend cheating, which is why I meet all that he did. He lost his ministry everything and so here are the four questions that he now regularly asked himself because he so committed to the truth is the fear of the consequences of the truth greater than my commitment to tell the truth is not what makes us lie were afraid of the consequences more than were afraid of being dishonest.

He said in my telling myself the truth we can lie to ourselves. Is there a truth I've distorted or distorting right now, finally, is there something I've withheld or currently withholding from my spouse get before the Lord this week.

You got a great time you got some opportunities and say Lord, how honest am I being with my spouse and understand that whatever is most painful to share with our spouse is something that God probably wants to work on all be very honest, I would be much less of a man if I wasn't worried about my wife finding out about certain things and the danger of giving into that fear and living in deception before your wife is what Satan says is you know what Gary there's a way you can have this action or this sin or this attitude and still have your wife and still have her esteem and that's line about it. But Jesus said Satan is the father of lies lies never serves a marriage because Jesus says I am the way the truth and the life to bring Jesus into our marriage is to bring the truth into our marriage. So if you want to increase the level of intimacy in your marriage, increase the level of honesty it's tough to get there. It's scary to get there, but it helps find this together. The second thing that will really help us is the blessing mentality the blessing mentality really two different dimensions that we can live in.

This is a cognitive change, and it's a hard change, and it sounds not that profound but when it's practice it changes marriage enormously comes from Genesis 12 to when God is saying to Abraham I'm blessing you why to be a blessing. And that's the way it works.

John first John 419 we love because he first loved us. The biblical model is that God pours himself out for us so that we pour ourselves out for others were to be a blessing to others, and so every day of marriage delivered one of two questions is to dimensions. How can I get my needs met, or how can I bless you is that simple. Every time were in a disagreement. I have a thing do I want to win this argument or do I want to bless my wife, only one of those two motivations will prevail. James 4122 says this what causes fights and quarrels among you. You want something but don't get it. I believe most divorces could be stopped if every couple would wake up every day and their first thought is, how do I bless my spouse today. It just puts everything in the focus, it changes the color of the day. It is just our selfish desire. How do I get my needs met today how to get my husband to finally do this out. I finally get my wife to do this, but if we wake up and say how do I be a blessing to my spouse may not involve going to God first in the blessing for me and we need his affirmation we need is encouragement we need is empowerment. But when we do that is just natural manner.

I could say supernatural that we want to bless others the more we see from God. We are just compelled to pass it on. So that's the second thing that we do the third one to talk about is what I call killing spiders killing spiders I don't have a problem with spiders, but my wife really does if if I see a spider in the house that I killed that there good things about spiders actually kill other insects that can be good, but a freak fleece out if she sees a spider unexpectedly. She wants me to kill it help because I'm married to Lisa because I want to love her and bless her there certain spiders I have to kill. We put this in the relationship metaphor. If Lisa's dad had been an alcoholic.

He surely wasn't, but if he had, I think I would just kill alcohol use. Theologically, I don't believe there's an absolute prohibition against alcohol, but if I knew that she had grown up with that in her childhood every time she smelled it on my breath every time it had just a little bit too much to drink. She couldn't help but she's a real person with a real pass all those feelings going to come up from her childhood and to protect her.

I don't want to have to face that I don't have to overcome that so I can choose either this on the side drinking.

I can choose to. I want to be close to my wife know so many times when I work with couples I say but I enjoy that what why don't want to give it up because a connected marriage is so much more fulfilling than a disconnected marriage with hobbies.

It really is. That's what we want we want a life of intimacy and to grow closer together there certain things we have to kill the might not be morally problematic, but they keep pushing our spouse away.

We have to choose drug want to maintain my independence and live in a rather disconnected marriage or my willing to kill just about anything to have a life of true intimacy and oneness and I think if you could experience intimacy and oneness you would choose that if if Lisa and I were on our second marriage were not sure this is our first one are only one but if her first husband had basically wrecked their marriage with videogame playing too much. I think it's something that's a spider I can kill because I think every time I pick up that controller. All that's going to come back from her past. Oh no, here we go again. I lost my first husband that I am maybe I get a little too into the game and a little too excited. I forget the maybe two or three hours that I just that you know what I chose her. I want to be close to her.

This is a spider. I need to kill and going to kill it.

And thing is about this.

This is something that goes on throughout her life.

Because different spiders crop up when were different stages of marriage. Elyse and I rather recent empty-nesters and so now were traveling together whole lot more than we used to when the kids were young and at home is amazing to me because we come out of the hotel elevator or we go out in the parking garage. Lisa would always turn the wrong way right if the hotel room is right she would go left. If the rental cars north in the parking lot she would go south. I kept thinking you'd think she would guess right half of the time I but but she's the extrovert.

She had all these great conversations, and she wants recounted to me and she's got the energy going to just talking and she is have to worry about casinos.

I paid attention. So he says even kick into her but I'm letting the elevator first so she's always went ahead and just kinda laughing about it because we've been in this hotel for several days she went the wrong way again really that wasn't the best way to make her feel close to me min I II wouldn't recommend that respond okay. Will that didn't work out so the next day she did it again and so I just stopped where I was that she went 20 to 25 yards away. She looks and she saw what I was doing. That didn't go so well either I and so typical guys that will what my supposed to do if I say something you said makes you feel stupid if I don't say anything you think it's an act of disrespect. I can't win right. That's the guy perspective it's easy to say this way hon with exactly that tone.

This way, hon. I next day I get to try it out she goes. I go this way hon.

She turns around his gorgeous smile. We laugh we have a good moment and we go off down the way I and so many women just this. If there's a sly situation that's pulling the two of you apart. How about if you just say that the tell me what spider I need to get I want you to feel disrespected and when you feel stupid.

I honestly don't know what to do, though I think I'm at an impasse. So show me how to kill the spider and then kill that spider because now whenever that happens, it draws us closer together rather than pushes us away because we want to be closer together at my youngest daughter Kelsey has been in three automobile accidents on the freeway and none of them were her fault, but a couple of them were pretty serious one. Her car was completely totaled and she was shaken forever and it's not her fault.

When you've been in car accidents and they were your fault it's not like you can take what you do differently if it's not your fault.

It just happened when she is driving with me particular she's in the front seat on grandpa Gary know there's 100 yards between me and the front I'm not driving aggressively. I'm not coming right up on somebody because she's a real person with a real pass and to honor her and to protect her and to love her to kill that spider of aggressive driving. She can't help but it's who she is website as your spouse has a real past with real hurts and real fears it doesn't matter what you think they're silly or illegitimate or do you just think your way through them if they motivate your spouse and you want to be close to your spouse, you gotta kill spiders that irritate your spouse because it's better to be connected than the hold onto those spiders and be disconnected in marriage now. The fourth one is this a comes from Proverbs 1717 and I could label it is this. I was born for this. I was born for this. Proverbs 1717 says that a friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity that that's true for a brother. You could say a spouse is married for adversity. Because here's a challenge we get married because we love this person. They're beautiful there full of energy there full of life. We have a good time together and then they get sick or they get discouraged they get depressed today. Get addicted.

I have a problem and it's so easy spiritually to say this is very good. I have to put up that I did get married for this when I do this, but if we believe that we were born for our spouses adversity whenever they face a challenge we have in my I was born for this is where we rise to a rather than collapsing into resentment and self-pity and feeling sorry for ourselves. We feel empathy.

First, I was born for this, we have to have the attitude of a fireman right. A fireman doesn't resent it when there's a fire. Desi is wanted to finish my meal I was playing Scrabble.

He goes out because that's what he was trained to do.

That's why he's given a paycheck. That's why he's there to put out the fires the scene. Marriage really know were there for the good times we don't have to put out the fires but we have the attitude of Proverbs 17 were saying whatever arises.

I was born for this, and that's what creates great connectedness with a couple because when you meet your spouse in their weakness and need and hurt there just naturally drawn to you friend of mine is was a pastor up in Canada really young man is why most gifted communicators I've ever known. Things were going so well, but he was in just one of those really awful church fights it ended up in a church split and he was out of a job is one of those nasty ones were there's a lot of gossip and slander and people have to be blamed.

People saying awful things about amazing good man with a good art but his reputation was kind of backed so he found himself in a job crawling under houses for eight dollars an hour get his great vision. The guy was going to use them in and bless his ministry and it's just humiliating that he can barely eke out a living. His wife is having the budget you know about 1/3 of what they were living for before and she could've gone down on but she said honey, I believe in you. I know God has a plan for you. This is a momentary reprieve.

She never lost her faith in him. Even with people saying ugly things about him. She was there for them the entire time.

One time, Grant came home and he was so discouraged he was dirty and smelly and filthy and made what I know 70 bucks that day and he walks in the house and his wife hadn't heard him walk in but here's his wife talking on the phone and he overhears her telling one of the elders in the church know you can't talk to my husband on his wife. And that's what you know if you want to get Jim you have to go through me and if you find a way to get around me you have to deal with me because he's my husband and you not get abuse them anymore and grant felt so humbled that when she could've piled on, she could maybe even said you know maybe what they're saying is true, but she was therefore and she said I was born to get you through this and they grew together and he grew was a believer and God put them in a church in the United States using Bellingham Washington and today. His church is the largest church of the city that size in United States is just blossoming God is blessed his ministry and I was talking to one of his elders.

A decade ago and they were telling me you know we know we can lose them he's too gifted. He can be paid three times what we pay him he would be in a city that's larger where people could grow.

It's hard to grow church when you kind of push the boundaries of the population, and I know I thought why Grant hadn't taken up any those offices. He was getting regular contact so I called to see your two ago when is working on a lifelong love is a grant just between you and me, I won't tell anybody. I'd I just need to know between you and me you see Grant's wife Laurel the one who protected them has been going steadily blind to now she's almost completely blind.

Their small community of London, Washington, where she knows her house. She knows the community she everything is set up for her. I'm guessing that the primary reason you're still in Bellingham is it's really the best place for Laurel to live. Grant was silent for a long while and he said I can't deny that. And I love it, where she said when he was down.

I was born for this, his wife is that he says I was born for this. Before I was born to be some big shot pastor. I was born to be my wife's husband, Mike, and resented that I'm stuck here in this town.

He doesn't look at it that way not been resented that I can't follow these opportunities because the vast opportunity in my life is to be connected to my wife to be a husband. A lot of men with big churches live with empty souls because they have distant marriage grants that I think it's better to have a pretty large church and a connected marriage and to be honoring her these are tough things but if you write them down. If you apply them. They work, they draw us together.

They take a lot of courage. You gotta ask yourself what you want when you want on your merit. You want to just coexist you want to just get by and maybe reduce the level of conflict, but do you really want to be connected as a couple. It really comes down to do what you want what you want out of your marriage and so often it is just a fraud that we get married to be known and accepted, and then we hide and spiritually. We become resentful and we pull back from each other but the best marriages the best marriages are the marriages were each partner says to the other.

You know what I am yours before on my kids mom or dad before my bosses employee before on my company's boss before my parents child before I my hobbies addict. I belong to you to make those choices to stay connected to you. Am I can put anything above you, because if you're frustrated in a disconnected marriage.

The solution isn't to kill your marriage sets. Would Satan like to see how frustrated you are. See how distant you are, here's what you do you kill your marriage, you destroy your family. What is Jesus a Satan comes to doing John 10 Satan the thief comes to steal to kill and to destroy. Whenever that's a solution to your problem. You know who you're listening to Jesus told us that's his motive. That's his operation that his solution but Jesus says I have come that you might have life and you might have it abundantly. God wants us to have life giving marriages and abundant marriages, and his word. He's given us these four things all out of Scripture, we can reconnect.

We can direct our hearts to have a more connected marriage and when we do it become so powerful. I want to end with the story of a couple that did this later in life. How many of you have heard of Robertson Mike woken a good number of you have but if you would heard me talking 15, 20 years ago. It would be like this. How many of you heard of James Dobson okay that that that's what I mean. He he and his wife Mary with a power couple.

They were going to conferences. He was president of the seminary.

Both were successful offers authors they would speak it.

All of those things and as they were just entering their 40th year of a marriage.

Not not that old. His wife Muriel was diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer's and because they were so well known that a lot of people offering different suggestions. You gotta take out all your feelings are. You gotta quit eating this or that and finally just he knew it was good intentions. Robertson said this, please stop and he offered this prayer. I pray the Lord will do a physical miracle for my wife but he chooses not to, then I pray who work a spiritual miracle in me so that I can love her well until the end is such a dramatic prayer for Christian husbands is for my wife's sake. I wanted to be healed physically, but if she can't be healed physically. God chooses not to do a spiritual miracle in me so that I can Seder I was born for this. This is a challenging time.

You and I was born for this, and so he wants to live with the blessing mentality, not how can I get my needs met white, but how can I possibly knew she loved art and she'd never been to where some of her favorite masterpieces were kept. We set up an appointment to go to London state galleries were lot of her favorite masterpieces. The originals were kept at an end. It broke his heart because the day they got there, it was already advanced enough, for she had good days and bad days and this was not a good day. She raced past some of these masterpieces like she was going to a Hallmark store and any just it, it broke his heart.

The part of his wife was already gone, and there were the embarrassing moments to get there. During the flight. She had to get up as a long flight and use of the restroom and Robertson thought to himself man if she gets in there and she's able to lock the door.

She might not be able to unlock it and she's in a panic. So he gets up behind her and he follows her in a said look I saw the smirks of the passengers around us, and even the flight attendant I knew they were thinking. You guys look a little old to be trying to join the mile high club you know what he didn't care what people thought he cared about his wife's welfare he cared about his wife's safety.

He wanted to serve his wife as he said let everybody laugh. I want to be connected to my wife and so he took care of her and then when they're flying back to the states.

He found that Merrill could get restless at an airport.

The best thing to do is just letter go around if you try to get her to stay seated. She could just get kinda fidgety and so he's a rather slight man and I'm sure it was comical because he had both airbags and his wife is darting here and there.

There he just follower the needs that when she'd said and she kept sitting right across from this businesswoman who just screamed power and influence any she had incredible close all the tech gadget and just that expression that said she's used to giving orders and she's used to having them obeyed and Merrill kept sitting across and select the third time just plopped down right in front of her. And finally, Robertson hears the businesswoman say something and he says excuse me now. The woman's a little bit embarrassed and she said nothing. I well I just wondered if I'll ever have a man love me like you obviously love her men out does your wife want the connected marriage. Here's a woman who has everything that women are supposed aspire to address the authority, the power, the influence and she is literally envious of an Alzheimer's patient achieve so much.

But what would be like to have a man love me like this man loves his wife and and why does he love her. That's the power of a connected message, but it wasn't just material that that love Robertson Robertson let Muriel everything change in his life when one day Merrill started to panic. Robertson was present at the seminary and his house was on the campus there in his office was also in a different building and Merrill only felt safe at a certain point when Robertson was near and she couldn't find them. So she ran out of the house and she's running up and down the sidewalks trying to find her husband until somebody saw or knew who she was.

She directed her into Robertson's office. She showed up in his office with bloodied feet. She'd been running on concrete she forgot to put on her shoes.

She just wanted to find her husband and Robertson looked at those bloodied feet, and he knew what it meant. He knew his time as president. That seminary was done and he put in his resignation to. Here's what he said in that the decision to come to Columbia was the most difficult I've ever had to make the decision to leave 22 years later, the painful is one of the easiest. That decision was made in a way 42 years ago when I promise to care for Muriel in sickness and in health, till death do us part menu talk about killing a spider when you're spider is your job and you get the intellectual stimulation and the leadership stimulation but he says you know what it's more important right now that I be Muriel's husband because that's what I pledge to do first as we has a different life. Instead of reading textbooks. He's reading the newspaper as he sitting next to his wife in an incentive trying to help people understand the mysteries of the gospel. He's helping his wife clean up after bathroom accidents literally one time he's listening to a famous preacher and the preachers coming on the air and says men are you at home. I mean really at home. Robert said he laugh literally with feces on his hands and yeah Chuck I'm at home, trust it gave such a strong testimony to the physician who cared for Muriel and he unloaded on Robertson saying you know what so difficult is it 70% of the women who have the situation are abandoned by their husbands.

They say I didn't sign up for this, and they leave them. They just put them in a home or just let them go and Robertson said 70% maybe they're having a love affair with themselves and that's the key of a disconnected marriage, we can have a love affair with our spouse. If we have a love affair with ourselves and forget to say I'm knocking to be honest, because I want to do what I want to do and not lose his or her approval or I don't want to bless you. I want to get my needs met. That's a love affair with our self are. I want to kill the spider I enjoyed is why should I give it up or I want to resent this is that was born for. That's a love affair with ourselves and we can have a love affair with our spouse. We serve our self first, but when we do that were honest when we bless our spouse when we kill the spiders we say I was born for this, we create the witness does talking about last night John chapter 13 that's what happened with Robertson and his wife when she was still able to walk. He would take her out for these walks. He liked her to get the sun and they lived on a busy street and she was kind of funny because you have a slight man is darting back and forth to stay on the outside of his white just didn't want her to darting the street and get hit by a car so he kept doing this in the way face and was this homeless man obviously dealing with some dementia and he saw this couple walking forward and just as guys with you like that, staring at her.

You know, no tack, no sense of propriety just just staring and gawking and when Robertson and Merrill came up this man said that's good that's that's true.

I like stat that's good.

Even a man whose literally losing his mind knows love when he sees it. That's the power of a connected marriage. You don't have to destroy your marriage if you feel disconnected you my love being married.

If you can get reconnected and I believe these things will help you do that what we been listing to a message from Gary Thomas the author of the book sacred marriage is written so many great books. Yes, he is a great communicator and would Gary talking about here is what I think couples want but don't know they want new if you say to a couple. Do you want oneness in your marriage. I think they go.

I do, but I'm not exactly sure what that means or what it looks like we know we wanted were just not sure how to pursue it or the elements that go into that and Gary maps it out for when he said the adversity of your spouse is your calling right some of us are thinking. I mean yeah explained it does so again you can check out the 2022. Love like you mean it marriage cruise February 2022 we will be back on board for a great getaway. I'm in everybody who's felt cooped up this year coming were oral count on the fact that it's gonna be masks off the a clean boat and I'll tell you it it's starting to fill up. We are hearing from people who are so so ready to reserve a state room for the 2022. Love like you made a marriage cruise right now between now and March 22. The best opportunity all year for you to reserve a state room on the cruise that because we we make a special offer to family life today listers in March we call a cruise madness and so it's your opportunity to save some money and reserve your spot for the love like you mean it marriage cruise in February 2022. If you have any questions about you know what happens if there's a another wave of virus or what you call us and we can talk to all of that with you. Okay, one 800, FL, today is the number you want to check out more information online, go to family life there's a link there that will give you everything you need to know about the love like you mean it marriage cruise for February 2022 note tomorrow.

Working to hear a powerful message about the biblical priority of forgiveness. It's not an option for forgiving people to forgive other people biblical requirement in voting.

Baucom has a message for us on that tomorrow. Hope you can tune in for that I will think our engineer today. Keith Lynch along with our entire broadcast production team got some extra help from Bruce Goff today on behalf of our hosts Dave and Ann Wilson about the pain we will see you back next time for another edition of family life, family life today is a production of family life of Little Rock, Arkansas crew ministry help for today hope tomorrow

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