Becoming A Four Pillar Man

A real man accepts responsibility for his actions. Pastor Dave Wilson says that's not how it worked for Adam and Eve in the garden.

Please make excuses. Men accept responsibility. This is Family Life Today. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson. I'm Bob Lapine.

You can find us online at familylifetoday.com. We're going to hear from Dave Wilson today about what real men do, including stepping up and taking responsibility. Stay with us. And welcome to Family Life Today.

Thanks for joining us. So are you starting to feel like there is a future ahead that does not include lockdowns and masks and COVID? Are you starting to feel like maybe you can see that day? I wish I could say yes, but not yet. You still kind of feel like you're under the cloud? I mean, I don't want to get my hopes up.

Well, I can get that. We're getting our hopes up for next February. Yes, we are. We will be out of lockdown by February.

I'm guaranteeing it right here, Bob. Like that? This year was tough. We had 10 years in a row where we had the Family Life Love Like You Mean It marriage cruise. And each year it seemed like it got bigger, it got better, it was just spectacular. And then we were getting ready for year 11. In fact, it was last year at this time we were on Family Life Today saying to everybody, you need to sign up for the Family Life Love Like You Mean It marriage cruise. And people were calling and starting to sign up. And then all of a sudden it was like, oh, no, are we really going to sign up for a cruise? Because the first outbreaks of COVID were on board cruises. Right. And it happened right after our 10 year anniversary cruise.

After we got home. But we're ready for next year. Next February, you have Dave's guarantee we're going to be out of lockdown.

We've got a great lineup of speakers and artists. We've got great ports that are in place. We've talked with the cruise company.

They've done all their safety precautions, everything to make it right. I mean, we're ready to get on the boat. It could be our best cruise ever because you have that year off. That's right.

I can't honestly I can't wait to do it again. Yeah. And we want to let our listeners know right now we have opened registration for next year. If you are ready to join us, if you're ready to get out of all of this and get on a boat and head out and have a great time on the Love Like You Mean It marriage cruise, you can sign up today. It's the best rate available right now for couples. You'll save $400 per couple off your cabin registration. If you sign up this week and you'll get your pick of staterooms on board the cruise.

So now is the time to get signed up. And we thought we should just revisit some of the highlights from the last decade of cruises. One of the highlights we picked was when you, Dave, back in 2015, did a men's talk on board the cruise and you borrowed a definition of manhood. Explain this to our listeners.

Yeah. I mean, bottom line is Robert Lewis, who is a, you know, a friend of partner family life for years, wrote a book years ago called Raising a Modern Day Night, where he walks through sort of four characteristics of what a man is. You know, it's like when does a boy become a man? Well, when you start to live out these characteristics, I actually sat down with Robert years ago and said, hey, could I use those as the four pillars of manhood? And I want to change one of them.

You want to adjust it. And he was so gracious. He's like, of course, do whatever you want. These aren't mine. These are, you know, from scripture. And so I had always heard men and I've said this, you know, what's it mean to be a real man?

R-E-A-L. And so I thought these actually fit that acrostic R-E-A-L. So I just said, you want to be a real man? Here's what a real man looks like. This is one of my favorite talks that you give. I think it's really good. And I think for women, I think this is a great talk to listen to, too, because it helps you know how to encourage your husband and your sons. I love talking to men. I mean, my ministry with Detroit Lions is a bunch of big men, you know, basically.

And we do a chapel service on Saturday nights whether we're on the road or home. And I love challenging men to be men. And I call it real man. Four pillar manhood is taking the word real, R-E-A-L and saying, OK, making an acrostic of it.

And what's it mean? And I'm going to challenge you as as men to be husbands and dads, but really to understand what is a man? What is a four pillar man?

And I think you know this. This is really important for us to know what a man is, to know what a vision of manhood is. You know, I've listened to Vody talk so many times, and I was watching TV the other night with the Stepping Up DVD manhood series. And Vody was talking about the three B's that define a man.

Anybody see this? Men in our culture are defined by a billfold, ball field or bedroom. And it's really true. You got cash, you got a lot of cash, a lot of possessions. You're a man. You do something on a ball field, any ball field, you're an athlete, you're a man.

Or if you have a lot of women, right? That's our culture. And I thought about that. I was watching it the other night. And I walk into a locker room almost every day during the fall with Detroit Lions.

For 30 years I've been doing this. And every one of those guys is defined by that. They've got cash, they've got stuff, they've got women.

They're at the highest level you can be in their career. And most of the guys in that locker room, guess what? They're boys. They're not men. Every year I talk about the four pillars of manhood with these guys and they walk up to me and say I've never heard any of this.

I've never seen this. Can you help me become that guy? This stuff I believe is just critical. Our boys don't know what a man is. I mean in our culture, when does a boy become a man? And stepping up they went out and asked men that, asked women that. When's a boy?

Nobody knew. It's like one guy said when he had sex. Let me ask you guys. Did you become a man when you had sex? Show of hands.

Yeah, no hands are going up. It's like you thought you would but that didn't do it. Our sons need a vision of what a man looks like. Our daughters need to see one so they don't settle for something less when they get married. Our wives, let me tell you, our wives are longing for a man. A real man. And so I'm going to get right into it because here's what I did. And if you guys have ever read Robert Lewis's material, Men's Fraternity or How to Raise a Modern Day Night.

How many know what I'm talking about? Yeah, How to Raise a Modern Day Night. I got it as a young father. I have three sons now. My oldest is 29, 27 and 25. They're all married and that was my guidebook to raise boys to men.

And in that book, Raising a Modern Day Night, which I think applies to fathers with daughters as well, but it's really a definition of manhood, gives you a vision of manhood. And then he has four sort of characteristics. And I'm going to use three of them and I changed the E. He uses the same letters in a different order. And I was sitting on a bus with Robert Lewis back in the early 90s and I was talking to him about the pillars. I don't know if he can call them pillars. And I said, Robert, would it be okay if I took your pillars and put them in a different word because it comes out real?

And can I change the E? And he goes, dude, you do whatever you want with this. I want men to know what a man is to do what he wants. So I take his three and change the E and I'm going to give you my spin on that. Again, it's just get real, R-E-A-L.

So the R is the same one Robert has in his book and some of you know what it is. What's a real man? He what? Yeah, some of you said it. A real man rejects passivity.

If you want to write this down, write it down or put it in your phone. A real man rejects passivity. And that basically comes from, and I think Robert's the first one I ever heard talk about this. In Genesis chapter one, we have Adam and Eve, first man, first woman. You talk about what a man shouldn't be, Adam, what a man should be, Jesus. And you'll see this in these four pillars. Adam represented all four pillars to the negative. He didn't accomplish any of them and Jesus accomplished all of them.

He rejected passivity to come from heaven to earth and save our lives. But Adam is in the garden. Some of you know the story. And when Adam and Eve sinned, when Eve bites of the fruit, where was Adam? Yeah, many of you know this, but if you've never read this or heard anybody teach about this, I remember when I first heard Robert teach about this, I had no idea that Genesis 3.6 said this. When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some of it and ate it. She also gave some to her husband who was with her and he ate it. So we don't know exactly if they're sitting on a tree, sitting on a log, but where was Adam?

Right here. So if you understand scripture, God told who about the tree they shouldn't touch? Adam or Eve? God told Adam. He told the man because that's the fourth pillar. You've got to lead. Don't write it down yet.

We'll get there. And so he communicated to Eve what God said. He took the revelation for God and he led his wife and told her. And so when they're sitting there and Adam is right beside her and Satan and the snake tempts them and twists the word of God and says, that isn't what God said. He doesn't want you to eat it because he doesn't want you to be like him. What should have Adam done? He should have said, Eve, don't listen to him. That's a lie. It's a lie from the pit of hell.

I'm going to kill this thing right now. No. What does Adam do? Passivity. He's passive. I don't know what he thought. I mean, he had to be thinking that's not what God said, but what did he do?

He sat there. Do you realize we live in a culture in America of passive men? I ran a staff the other day that says this is the first time in American history that women are stronger than men. It's becoming a matriarchal society. I think it's awesome that women are strong.

I love that. But let me tell you, God calls men to stop being passive and be men. I'm not saying to become a dictator and an idiot and you fight everybody. I'm just saying there needs to be a strength and a firmness in a man's life that leads his woman. Your wife is longing for you to lead her. And most of that is just rejecting passivity. Now, the reason we say reject passivity is we all have a streak of passivity.

I mean, I read that story and I'm like, come on, dude, come on, Adam, step up. And then I look at my own heart and I'm like, I'm passive so often. So what we're saying is when that passivity is there, when you're in a situation and you think, man, somebody needs to do something, do something. Boys are passive, men act. And so when it's there, it's like, I got to reject that.

It doesn't mean it's not going to be there. It's like when I feel that passivity, I got to fight against it and I got to reject it and I got to go. I remember when I first started dating Ann, she said to me like three or four weeks in, she goes, you know what, I realize why I'm falling in love with you.

And I go, why? And she goes, you're the first strong leader man I've ever dated. She goes, I didn't realize this before, but I've been dating boys. Now I'm dating a man.

And I said, she got that right, baby. And I was just figuring out what a man was. I really didn't even know what a man was. But it was like, as I grew into a man, and I say to the men at my church, I don't have time to get into this, but I say, I became a man at age 32.

A lot of you did before that, but here's what happened at 32. And this is a whole nother sermon. I don't have time, but number one, I understood what the four pillars were and I started to live them out. That's when you start becoming a man, when you start rejecting passivity and engaging with God, accepting responsibility and leading with courage. You don't have to write those down.

We'll go through each one of them. But the other thing that I did at age 32 that I started at age 28, but it took me that long as I forgave my dad. And I don't have time to get into it, but I had a dad that walked out in our family when I was seven years old, took me on vacations with his mistresses as a toddler, left my mom and dad, left me and my brother with a single mom.

My brother died six weeks later of leukemia, my five-year-old brother. And I had to forgive my dad in my 20s. And God took me on this journey. And I'll never forget, I read a quote by Lewis Smeeds in a book called Forgive and Forget, and he says, when you forgive someone, you set a prisoner free only to discover you're the prisoner. And I realized all this bitterness I've been harboring toward my dad all those years was not locking him up, it was locking me up from being the real man that God called me to be. And I'm telling you, it took a long time, but when God gave me the power, I didn't have the power, when God did that through me and I forgave my dad, I became free to become a four-pillar man. And that's where the journey for me really started.

So reject passivity is just this, I mean, I could talk about that all morning. In fact, when I do the Chapel with the Lions, we do one pillar a week, or even one, we take half the season and just talk about it. So I'm gonna try and do all four real quick. But here's what I did in our last chapel for the Lions. I used the David and Goliath story to talk about the four pillars.

And I'll just do it real quick. If you wanna go to 1 Samuel 17, you can pull it up in your Bible or on your phone. I'm not gonna read them exactly because I don't have time, but many of you know the David and Goliath story, right? We know it, right?

So think about this. We've got a battle between the Philistines and the Israelites, God's chosen people and the enemy of God. And there's one man, a giant, and a boy goes out. And of all the men there who are warriors ready to fight, guess who the man is?

A 12 or 14-year-old boy. Because what does he do? He rejects passivity.

It says in 1 Samuel 17 that the warriors, trained men, were afraid and fearful and they were pulled away from the battle line. But a boy says, who is this uncircumcised Philistine? That means he's not in the plan of God.

That would challenge us. What's he do? He says, a man has to go fight him. And they're all like, what's this dude doing? His brothers are mad, but he rejects passivity. I look at that passage and think, a bunch of boys that look like men and one boy who's a man. Because he lives out the first pillar of reject passivity.

I'll give you a couple of examples. My oldest, CJ, is 29. When he was like eight years old, I went over to school one day. He was at this Christian school. I went over, had lunch, and then there was a playground afterwards. Went out on a playground, and I'm an old quarterback, so we started playing touch football with all the guys out there. And so I get my little team and I throw a ball to this kid that was a friend of my son, CJ. CJ's an engineer and he had a buddy, Timmy, who's just an engineer, real smart kid, but not really athletic.

And I wonder, are all the kids getting balls? So I throw a pass to Timmy and he just drops it because he can't catch. And the guy guarding him is the best athlete in school, a little guy named Benny. He goes, Hey, Timmy, you suck, man.

You're Sophie, you're pathetic. And when I heard that, Timmy just put his head down and walked back, and I could tell this is what he hears every day. So now when I was a boy, and I'm talking 25, 28 years old, you know what I'd have done?

Nothing. I would have heard that and I would have just been like, eh. Okay, guys, get in the huddle. But now that I'm a man and I hear that, a man rejects passivity. And I'm not going to go punch the kid, but a man needs to step in. So I just go, Hey, Ben, I knew the kid. I go, Hey, we don't talk like that. I don't want to hear another word like that about Timmy. You hear me?

Okay. And so he didn't and he behaved. And maybe 10, 15 plays later, I wanted to get Timmy involved and he was right here and I threw him a pass and he dropped it. And guess who went off?

Hey, guys, pathetic. You are the worst, Ben. He just went off and I lost it. I walked over, I grabbed him from the back of the thing. I didn't hurt him.

I just picked him up. I start walking to the school and he's kicking his little feet, you know. And there's a woman there, a teacher by the door. And I just said, Hey, this young man needs to go in the school. And she looks at me and she goes, And you are who? I go, I'm Dave Wilson.

I'm CJ's dad. She goes, And what are you doing with him? And she was like defending him.

Right. And I said, Well, he needs to go in because he's been sort of belligerent out there. And then he goes and she's looking at me like, No, that's not going to happen. And he goes, Yeah, I don't know what you're doing, Mr. Wilson.

Who do you think you are? And she saw that and she goes, Okay, we're going inside. And she took him in. Right. And that was the end of the day.

Right. Maybe a week later, I'm at parent teacher conferences at that school. I'm in a class and I'm just getting ready to leave that class. I just turn and this woman walks up to me. I've never met her before. And she goes, Are you Dave Wilson? Yeah.

Are you CJ Wilson's dad? Yeah. And I'm thinking, Oh, this is Ben's mom.

You know, that's what I first thought. I go, Yeah. And she starts weeping.

I go, Can I help you? And she goes, I'm Timmy's mom. Timmy told me that you defended him to the bully last week on the playground. I just want to say to you, thank you. You made my little boy feel like a man and like he was valuable. Thank you. Guys, I was weeping as I heard this. What did I do? Rejected passivity. That's all I did.

A real man rejects passivity. I talked about this one time at my church. One of the guys in my small group came up to me years ago and he goes, Dude, do you know they're selling porn at the mobile station right by our house? I'm like, No, I had no idea.

Back when they had magazines. He goes, Yeah. I went in there and I told him I want this out of this gas station because my kids go to this high school and they live near here. He goes, They just laughed at me. He said, I'm taking some men back in. You want you in? I'm like, I'm in.

So we walk in this mobile station. I'm telling you, we weren't idiots. We were very graceful and tender, but firm. And we stood there as men in the community said, We are asking you to remove this porn.

And they did. Because some men came together and did what? Reject passivity. So here's the deal. As I was thinking about this week, I thought, OK, I want to challenge you to reject passivity in your marriage.

I sat right over there Monday night when Kirk Cameron came up here. And I don't know if you heard what he said, but you want to reject passivity in your marriage? Do what he said. He said, Study your wives. You remember saying that?

He said, I challenge you guys. Study your wives to understand who they are. Reject passivity.

Become an expert of her. I read a book years ago by Willard F. Harley. He's a counselor in Minnesota. And he said, I've counseled 3000 couples. And I can tell you the top five needs of a man and the top five needs of a woman. And he listened and has a chapter in each one. I looked at those top five needs. I read them. I went to Ann.

I said, Is this true? Are these your top five needs? What am I doing? Studying her.

Rejecting passivity. I've got to become an expert of her. I've got to meet those needs.

I know God really wants me. I've got to meet him. I've got to tell you, if you guys don't know the top three, because when I showed to my wife, she goes, That's exactly my top three. I'm going to give you the top three.

All right. And you go after this and ask your wife if these are top three. Hers may be different.

But study her and find out. He said number one, affection. Number two, conversation. Number three, openness and honesty. Number one, affection. Number two, conversation.

Honesty and openness. You think he's right? Oh, yeah. They always want us to non sexually touch them.

You know what I mean? Whatever. But they want that. They long for that. They love to talk.

Right. I just talk right. And they love it when we're honest. We share our struggles.

I remember when I went to Ann, I said to her, I said, I don't understand. The number one need of men, according to Harley in this book, back in the 80s, you know what it was? Sex. Number one, sex. And I don't know if it was respect, but it was sex. And so I go to her, I go, sex isn't even in your top five.

I saw one study years ago that asked women what they would do if they could in their leisure time. And sex came out like twenty ninth right before sowing for pleasure. You got to be kidding me.

Right. And for men, it was right up there at the top. So I said to her, I said, Why isn't sex in your top five? And she goes, Well, it's the top three.

I'm not going to talk about it. She goes, that's foreplay. Affection, conversation, honesty and openness. And I'm like, let's go talk.

You know, it's just like it's unbelievable. But I was like, OK, guys, you want to reject passivity in your marriage? Study your wife.

Here's the other thing Kirk said the other night. Serve your wife. All I wrote down my notes for you guys, and it's for me as well, because I do this so bad. Get off the couch. I'm telling you guys, get off the couch. I told my sons when they got married, whenever your wife's up, you're up.

She's in the kitchen. You're helping. Don't land a couch, play video games. Don't land a couch or watch football all day.

Get off the couch and serve her in any way she can. I love what Tim Keller says. How to apply the gospel to your marriage.

He says this. Do for your spouse what Christ did for you. That's applying the gospel to marriage.

When we were dead in sin, Christ died for us. He says, Die for your spouse. That's what rejecting passivity looks like for a real man in his marriage.

I'm going to ask you guys to say it out loud. A real man is ours. Say rejects passivity. A real man rejects passivity. Here's the deal. I'm going to ask you to do this four times. When you say rejects passivity, it can't be rejects passivity. It has to be manly. You've got to grunt it out. Here we try it again. One, two, three. A real man rejects passivity. That's what I'm talking about.

Here's the E. This is the one I actually got permission from Robert to change. I say this. A real man engages with God. Engages.

Action verb. Engages with God. Pursues God. Goes after God. It's a guy on a kickoff team coming flying down the field.

He'll do whatever it takes to get to that ball. Same thing. You chase down God no matter what. The reason I wanted this in the four pillars is I think our culture gets it all messed up. Our culture thinks a man is a man when they're tough.

They're strong, right? The opposite's true. A real man is a man who realizes we're weak, we're sinful, we are prone to get in big trouble, and without God and His power, we are dead. So a real man, in our culture, it's like if you have Jesus or you go to church, even in the football team, you go to chapel, they're like, oh, weak. You know, weak men need that stuff, but real men don't. No, it's the opposite.

Real men realize they're weak and need God so they engage with God. I coach high school football, all right, for 10 years. I lost my two front teeth last year getting hit by a guy's elbow on a practice.

These are fake. Anyway, and I was at this coaching conference with all these different teams, and I was meeting this guy from another school, and we were talking football, and, you know, we're enjoying each other, enjoying talking football, and about 15 minutes in, he goes, hey, so do you teach at that school? I mean, are you a full-time teacher there? I go, no, I'm a pure volunteer coach. I show up whenever I want. They love me to be there when I can because I'm all about developing boys into men, and football's a vehicle to do that.

I love it. And he goes, so what do you do? What's your real job?

He had no idea. I go, well, actually I'm a pastor of a church. He goes, he stepped back, and I know why he stepped back, because he's like, I like this dude, man. We're football guys. We're tough, man. He's like me.

We're like him. I said I'm a pastor. He's like, you're a Christian? Oh, I went from you're tough, you're strong, to you're a wimp, just like that.

And I know what he's thinking. You're not only just a wimp. You're a super wimp because you're not just a Christian. You're a pastor. You're mega Christian. It's like, wow. I thought, wow, isn't that interesting? That's the culture's definition of a man.

The opposite is true. A real man engages with God. You know what's really interesting? In the David and Goliath story, when David goes to the king Saul, because he says, you can't go fight.

You're a boy. You know what David says? You can look at it. It's in verses 33 through 37. He basically says, I'm a shepherd, and when I'm out taking care of the sheep, and a lion and a bear come, I do what? I kill it. We usually read over that, like, yeah, he kills a bear. No, no, no.

Think about it. He literally kills a bear. And what does he say to Saul? He says, the Lord, your servant has both killed both the lion and the bear.

This uncircumcised Philistine will be like one of them because he has defied the armies of the living God. 37, he says, the Lord who rescued me from the paw of this lion and the paw of the bear will rescue me from the hand of this Philistine. Saul said to David, go, and the Lord be with you. What did Saul sense?

Not only does he have physical strength, he sensed this guy has spiritual strength. See, what was David saying? He was saying when nobody's looking, when it's just me alone, I'm engaging with God.

That's what he's saying. I'm getting to know God. I understand God. I understand God's power. I know God. I don't know about God. I know God. That, in a sense, was enough for the king to go, okay, you go, because you're not going alone. You're going with God. A real man spends private time alone cultivating his walk with God.

You hear what I'm saying? It isn't once a week church. It's like Word of God.

They know it. Do you know the Word of God? When somebody tells you to turn to a book in the Bible, do you know where it is? Sometimes I speak at churches and I'll say, hey, you know, let's open your Bible to Malachi. You know what I see?

I'm not kidding. Often, I'll see you in the front row, a woman, a husband and wife. I'll see the wife go like this, turn to Malachi, the last book in the Old Testament, and slide it over to her man.

I've never done this. I want to jump off the podium and go, what are you doing? Dude, you should be the man leading her. But obviously, she knows the Word better than he does. She knows where it is and slides it over to her man because she knows he's supposed to be the one engaging with God, leading her, but he isn't. See, a real man engages with God, pursues him. And it isn't try hard to be like Jesus. It's train to be like Jesus.

You know the difference? You can't try hard. That's 80% of the church is like, I got to try hard to be like Jesus. No, you got to train. See, when you train, you put your life in an exercise pattern to train you to be like Jesus.

You cross train, I call it. I remember years ago, I had back surgery and my surgeon said, man, you want to get your course wrong, do P90X. Anybody do P90X?

Come on, show of hands. So I got the P90X thing. The first day is chest and back.

You guys know what chest and back is? Push-ups, pull-ups, push-ups, pull-ups, back and forth. And Tony Horton on there says, if you can't do pull-ups, just get a chair and do them because you're supposed to do all these wide, close grip, this whole thing. The first day of P90X, I'm not kidding, I'm so embarrassed to say this, I did one pull-up 90 days later, doing chest and back every Monday through that thing because you go around to that. And I'm not saying this to say, hey, wow, I'm showing you what training does.

90 days later, I'm doing 25, 30 pull-ups. How does that happen? Training. You get in the Word of God daily. You spend time to pursue God like you pursued your wife before you're married.

I would jump in a car after a football game on Saturday afternoon, drive to the University of Kentucky, took three and a half hours, spend a half hour with her, drive back three and a half hours, seven-hour trip for a half hour with her. Nobody even blinked. That's what you do when you're in love. Men. Engage with God. If I had only one pillar to talk about, this would be the one. Third one is accepts responsibility. Again, this is right from Robert Lewis' material, accepts responsibility. David goes to the king and he says what? Verse 32, he says, let no one lose heart on account of this giant, this Philistine. Your servant will go and fight him. He says, I accept responsibility.

None of these boys are. He didn't say that, but he's saying a man accepts responsibility for the bad he's done in his life, for the good he's done in his life. When a man needs to step up and do something, a man does. He accepts responsibility. He says, I will fight.

I wrote in my notes, it's always easier to wait for someone else. That's what boys do. They wait for somebody to step up and that's a boy. And I tell you what, honestly, you know who's stepping up in our culture? Women. And again, I love women.

I love that they're strong. A lot of times they don't want to step up. They step up, why?

Because there's no strong men around, so they will. It's always easier to make excuses. You ever make excuses?

Yeah, it's part of our DNA. The first man, Adam, was the big excuse maker and we do the same thing. You know when God came looking to them for them after they ate the apple, ate the fruit? What did Adam say? He said, hey, God, you don't want to talk to me.

You want to talk to Apple Breath over here. That's who we want to talk about, right? No, actually, what did he say?

He said, the woman that you gave me. He blamed God. We do the same thing. We make excuses.

Boys make excuses. Men accept responsibility. I wrote in my notes, it's my responsibility to be the man in my home. It's my responsibility to love Ann. It's my responsibility to lead her and our kids spiritually. It's my responsibility to provide, to protect and pastor her. Those are the three words I teach our men at our church.

You are called as a man in your home to provide, to protect and pastor. No excuses. Is it hard? Yeah. Do I have what it takes to do it? No, but if I engage with God, he gives me power to be that man in my life. It is my responsibility.

Listen to Foti yesterday. He said he doesn't call himself a missionary because as soon as you're a follower of Christ, you are a missionary wherever you go, right? I can remember when I was in college, I realized that early as I became a follower of Christ, I realized early that I'm called now as a follower of Christ to share the good news. So I flew down to see my dad in Florida.

He ended up living in Florida in West Palm Beach and I spent a few days with him on spring break my senior year and then I was going to rent a car and drive up to the Campus Crusade for Christ spring break on the beach where we're going to share Christ. Never done this before. As I'm driving north, about four or five hours I think, I pray to God and I go, God, and I don't even know how to pray yet.

I'm so new at this. God, if you want me to share you with somebody on the way, put them in my car and I'll do it. I am not kidding. A minute later, there's a big dude hitchhiking. And I looked at him and he had this big bag and he was a big dude, you know. He's hitchhiking. He didn't look real nice as I got closer and I'm like, no way, God.

I'm not picking that guy up. You know, and I didn't even think that was even an answered prayer. I got to do that like a minute later. So I just drove right by. You know, I looked at the guy and he just did this and I went by.

My mom always told me, don't pick up hitchhikers. So I was being a good boy, right? So I drove by and I don't know how God talks to you. I didn't know yet. I was just new, but I sensed in my spirit, turn around. You prayed for a guy to talk to?

That's the guy. Turn around. I'm like, nope, not going to do it. So I kept driving and it wouldn't go away. So I saw this, you know, illegal U-turn in the middle of the highway you're not supposed to do, but if you're doing it for God, you can do it. So I did a U-turn.

Right? And I went down, I did another illegal U-turn and I can't, it's for God, you can do it. So I'm driving back north and I'm thinking the guy's gone by now and there he was. So I said, okay, God, here we go. And I pull over and he gets in my car, throws his big duffel bag in the back and he's a big old dude. And so we started talking, his name's Jim. I go, hey, Jim, what do you do? He goes, I'm a Navy Seal. And when he said that, I got so scared.

I'm not kidding. I thought, there's no way I'm sharing Christ with this guy. Cause if he doesn't want to hear about Jesus, he'll just reach over and go, and I'm dead. You know? That's what those guys do, right?

They're trained to do that. So I'm like, not going to go there, right? So we just kept driving and he's in my car like three hours, never mentioned God, Jesus, the whole time the Holy Spirit's saying, you prayed, you said you'd share, here he is, share Christ with us. Right before I'm about to drop him off.

His exit is a little before where I'm going to get off. I said to him this, I just go, okay, God, here it goes. I go, hey, Jim, you ever think about God?

You ever think about like Jesus and spiritual things? That was my big opening line. I didn't know what I was doing.

I'll never forget. He's sitting there and he goes, I can't believe you just asked me that. And then I'm like, oh no.

You know? And I go, uh, why is that? He goes, my life is a wreck. I go, what? He goes, I was standing on that road.

I won't even tell you how I ended up on this road needing a ride, but I prayed the only prayer I've ever prayed in my life. I go, what? He goes, I said, God, if you're real and you're up there, send me one of your followers to tell me about you. He goes, would that be you? And I go, yep, that'd be me.

Unbelievable. You know, I'm this new Christian and I don't know how God works. And so I share the gospel as limited as I knew. All I knew is God loves me. We're sinners. He died on the cross for pay for that. And you could be born again right here in my car.

We were sitting now on the shoulder because it took 30 minutes before we could get off at his exit. He gave his life to Jesus right there in my car that day. Why? He rejects passivity, engages with God, accepts responsibility. This isn't a preacher's job.

This is my job as a man. I share Christ with him. I'm thinking someday in heaven.

I've never seen the guy since, 37 years ago. He's going to walk up to me in heaven and go, hey, dude, remember me? And I'll be like, yeah. And he'll be like, what happened to your hair?

So, I mean, it'd be like, because I used to have a comb over back then. Anyway, real men accept responsibility to be men. Let me ask you this. Where do you need to step up as a man? We have one more pillar.

Is it you're being passive somewhere and you know it. God already spoke to you in that first pillar. It's like, man, you know, I've been speaking to you about taking a step in this area. Step up. That's why Dennis called the book Stepping Up.

Men have to step up to the next level. Or maybe it's engaging with God. It's like, man, I am lazy in my walk with God.

So am I, guys. It was hard to get in the gym here yesterday and the day before. Got in there.

Can't you tell? Whatever. You get there. You pay the price. It matters.

Same thing spiritually. Don't be lazy. Tell another man to hold you accountable. Start the one-year Bible, whatever it is. Say, man, hold me accountable.

Let's do this as men together. I want to engage with God. Accept responsibility. Whatever it is God's calling you to apologize for. Say, I own up to my mistake.

Or God's calling you to say, man, you've been letting this area go. Accept responsibility. Step up and lead.

And that's the last one. A real man leads courageously. Leads courageously. I love what John Wayne actually used to say. He said, it doesn't mean you're not afraid. Men are afraid all the time. You saddle up anyway. Right?

Saddle up anyway. It's like, lead courageously. Women were not called to lead. Men were. As I studied the Bible and I was trying to figure out, what is a man? I never had a vision of manhood. Many of you guys did.

I didn't. Robert Lewis and his material, I went to the Word of God. Every time I read about man, there was this subtle thing and many times blatant. Lead, lead, lead. And again, my wife is a better leader than I am. She's more gifted as a leader.

She leads the Women's Memorial Church and it explodes. If God was basing it based on who had the better gift, he'd say, and you lead. But he said, no, Dave, you lead. And my wife loves it when I lead.

Not as a dictator. As a gentle, firm, loving, lay my life down leader, but still strong. She loves that. She does.

And your wife will too. And again, you're not dictating, but you're leading them with courage, even when you're scared to death, even when you don't know what to do. You lead. You know, I think about this David and Goliath story. It's amazing when you get to the battle scene.

And I'm going to read some of it because you talk about leadership. Again, we have a boy who puts away the armor because it doesn't fit. He walks out with a slingshot and five stones. Some of you are like, why did he have five? He only needed one. There are four brothers to Goliath. You'll find that out in other passages.

He thought he was probably going to have to kill them all today. So he walks out, right? He stands at the battle line, a giant who nobody will face every day taunting them.

They're all hiding behind bushes, hiding behind rocks. And a boy walks out. You know what he says? He says this, you come against me with a sword and a spear and a javelin, but I come against you in the name of the Lord Almighty.

Where's that come from? Engaging with God. He knows the Lord God Almighty. The God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied this day, the Lord will deliver you into my hands and I'll strike you down and cut off your head. This very day I will give the carcasses of the Philistine army to the birds and the wild animals.

And the whole world will know that there is a God in Israel. All those gathered here will know that it is not by the sword or spear that the Lord saves, for the battle is the Lord's and he will give all of you into our hands. He doesn't say I'm going to kill a giant. He says I'm going to kill all of you.

And how's that going to happen? The Lord God Almighty, who I know and I know who he is and I know his power and I know his character and I know his plan, you're going down today. Now here's something I never heard in Sunday school whenever this story was taught. The next verse says as the Philistine Goliath moved closer to attack him, you guys know what it says? It says David ran quickly toward the battle line to meet him.

I never heard anybody preach on that. I always thought, you know, it's sort of like David's hiding behind this little rock or big rock and there's Goliath and he's like foom. Did I hit him?

Foom. That's what I thought. What does the pastor say? I mean he stands out there and he delivers this charge.

You talk about the men, the boys watching, they had to be like what's he doing? He's leading with courage. That's what he's doing.

Why? Because he rejects passivity, he's engaged with God, he's accepting responsibility and now is the leadership movement and he doesn't hide behind a rock, he does this. Boom!

Right? He attacks it, right? That's manhood. You've got stuff in your life, I've got stuff in my life, it's like the giant's huge and God is little. No, when God is big and you know who he is because you're training to engage with him, the giants, the problems in our life get small. He didn't charge at something bigger than him, he charges something smaller than his God.

And so he ran at it and he goes boom! I'm thinking, are you attacking anything in your life with that kind of aggression? Or something getting you and you're sort of hiding back here like oh I hope my marriage works out, I hope she starts. You know what God's saying to you guys and me as a man today? Reject passivity, engage with God, accept responsibility, you start leading. You walk into those situations, you run to the battle and you say, this isn't happening anymore.

This ends today. Maybe it's a sin in your own life. And you say, I'm going to start leading this family. And by the way, don't tell your wife that, just do it.

Seriously, you walk out of here and say, I'm going to be this man, I'm going to be that man, she's going to be, yeah whatever dude, I've heard that before. I'm telling you, tell a brother, tell somebody back home to hold you accountable and then do it. She'll see it, you start doing it. I'll tell you where it starts, on your knees. You get on your knees and you say, God I am weak, I can never do this, I've made commitments to you before and I never fulfilled them, God I need you.

And God will meet you there as you engage with him and it will transform your life. I'll end with this, my sophomore year, I don't tell football stories, I have one football story and it's a bad one actually. I became the starting quarterback at Ball State my sophomore year. I replaced the guy that was a four year starter. So when you get in the huddle, you know, as the new quarterback taking over, who's supposed to talk in the huddle and everybody's supposed to listen? The quarterback.

So I get in the huddle and nobody listens to me because I'm nobody yet, right? Started off the season, but there was an offensive lineman named Tim Young, went to the Bears, he's a captain, he's a senior, he's like 6'6", 300 pounds. When he said, God shut up, listen to our quarterback, they'd all shut up and listen.

So he was the leader. Fifth game, we're playing Indiana State at home, homecoming. That's when Larry Bird played basketball at Indiana State, anybody that old? Fortunately he didn't play football. So we're playing them and we're beating them, we're running out the clock. We needed one more first down so the guy ran the play in, said it's a short little pass, throw it, if he's not open, run it so the clock keeps going, it's like a minute left. I throw to get a first down, guy intercepts it for a touchdown to beat us. And I not only make, threw the pick, missed the tackle.

And he scores. And we're down like four with less than a minute to go. I walk out the field, my head coach goes south, more mistake.

And I was so arrogant, I'm like, nyeh. I sit on the bench, they kick off, we get the ball, one last try. So I run up there and he goes, okay, we're throwing deep. We can't get a field goal, we gotta score. So first down, incomplete, second down, incomplete.

Third down, there's like 15 seconds left. We call an up route. You guys know what an up route is?

You all do. Backyard football, you go down and out, you throw it. Next time you go down and out and then up. That's called an up route. You're gonna pump it, they're gonna come up.

That doesn't work against prevent, right? But that's what we call it. So I roll out and I pump at this guy and I go like this. I'm getting ready to throw and I start getting hit.

So on my back foot I go, foom, throw it down the left side as far as I can and I go, boom, down to the ground. And if you ever played quarterback, you know that you don't see a lot of your plays, you just listen to the crowd and you learn what it means. If the crowd at home goes, ah, that's really good. You know? If they go, ah, ah, that's an interception.

And if they go, ah, that's incomplete, right? So I throw this thing, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. And I'm laying there and I hear the crowd, ah, ah, ah, ah, going crazy.

And I look up and they're all jumping up. So I jump up and I look and my receiver's got the ball and he's sprinting 80 yards to touchdown. DB's trying to catch him.

This guy, Rick Morrison, runs a 4-2. Nobody catches him, scores! So we win the game and I'm jogging down the field because we still got to kick the extra point and I'm the holder. So I'm jogging down the field and Tim Young, the offensive tackle, comes up beside me and he goes, you're the man! You're the man!

You're the man! And I'm jogging down there and I'm looking up and I'm like, yeah, okay, I'm the man. And so we won the game, right? We go to practice Monday. What happens when we get in the offensive huddle?

You know exactly what happened. I walk in the huddle and they're like, why? Because I made a play at a crucial moment and now I'm the man.

The next three years, I'm the man. And by the way, when we saw the film on Monday, it was total duck. It was pure luck. Pure luck.

But it didn't matter, right? Because in that moment, a man stepped up, made the play, and they were willing to follow him. So why do I tell you that crazy story?

Because here's the application and we're done. There comes a moment in your home. Actually, there come many moments in your home where your wife is longing for you to be the man. Your sons and daughters are longing for you to be the man. And they may never say the words out loud, you're the man. You're the patriarch. But when you make a play, when you reject passivity, when you engage with God, when you accept responsibility, when you lead with courage, that's not even your courage, it's God's courage in you, underneath their breath. They may say it out loud, but underneath their breath, they're like, I will follow that man.

Why? Because women and children and our society and churches are longing for real four-pillar man. Well, we've been listening to Dave Wilson on what real manhood is. The guys in the room on the cruise when you were presenting that message back a few years ago, I mean, they were ready to go out and storm the boat.

I want to stand up and cheer. Every woman's like, yes, that's what I long for. I got to tell you, I enjoy speaking to men as much as anything I ever do. You know, when you get in a room and because there's something in the man's soul, the masculine soul that longs to be what God created us to be. And often I don't think we know what that looks like. So to get a chance to give a vision like this is what it looks like.

And like you said, Bob, I hope at the end of the day, you're like, let's go. Yeah. You know, it's one thing to talk about it.

Let's actually do it. Yeah. And I mentioned that this message was one that you gave on the Family Life Love Like You Mean It marriage cruise. These kinds of messages from folks like you guys, the speakers that we bring on the cruise. I mean, you leave that cruise with a whole fresh perspective on your assignment in marriage, your assignment as parents, your assignment as husbands, as wives. It really is an empowering, exciting week.

Yeah. The first time we went on the cruise, you know, I joked because I thought it was just a love boat. You know, we're going to go in the love boat.

We're just going to laugh and enjoy each other. And it would be a vacation. And I had no idea it is a vacation and you are refreshed, but it's a marriage intensive retreat. You come off the boat after a few days or a week and you're in love and you're not just in love with your spouse, but with Jesus. It's transforming.

I think the words that come to my mind are equipped and inspired. Yeah. In every way in marriage.

And you're right, Dave, spiritually speaking, like you want to draw closer to God because you have a vision of what he's created you to do and be in a marriage. Well, we cannot wait because, you know, we had to cancel this year because of COVID. And some of you are thinking, I'm not sure I'm ready to go back on the boat.

I mean, I may need it. OK, so if you need a year off, we get that. But I know there are others who are like, we are so ready.

That's right. We are so ready to get on the boat. We've started taking registrations and honestly, it's starting to fill up.

We're hearing from a lot of people who are ready to go. So if you are interested, this is the week to get in touch with us to find out more and make your reservations for the Love Like You Mean It Marriage Cruise in 2022. We're making a special offer to Family Life Today listeners that is good now through March 22nd. You can find out more about that when you go online to familylifetoday.com or when you give us a call at 1-800-FL-TODAY.

Call and talk to somebody and make reservations for your stateroom and join us in February for the Love Like You Mean It Marriage Cruise. And again, there's more information available online at familylifetoday.com. Now, tomorrow, we're going to balance things out.

We heard from Dave today about masculinity. We're going to hear from your wife. We're going to hear from you, Ann, tomorrow about being a godly wife, a godly woman.

And again, another message from the Love Like You Mean It Marriage Cruise from a few years ago. So I hope our listeners can tune in to hear that. I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch.

We got some extra help from Bruce Goff and our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I'm Bob Lapine. We'll see you back next time for another edition of Family Life Today. Family Life Today is a production of Family Life of Little Rock, Arkansas, a crew ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.