Who Am I?

Author and podcaster Jamie Ivey says all of us need to embrace what is our true identity.

But as she says that, she adds this disclaimer. On this side of heaven, I don't think that we're ever going to be fully content in who we are because we're broken. We have sin. There is evil in this world that we have to fight against. There are forces at play here that are bigger than what we see in the flesh.

And so we are not content here because it's not our home. This is Family Life Today. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson.

I'm Bob Lapine. You can find us online at familylifetoday.com. How can we better understand and embrace the person God has made us to be? How can we celebrate that appropriately? We're going to talk more about that today with Jamie Ivey. Stay with us. And welcome to Family Life Today. Thanks for joining us. I'm just sitting here thinking about junior high. Oh, please.

Why? Was it like the worst time of your life? Yeah, it was a rough time, I think. For you, was it a hard season? No, every season was a good season. You loved every season because you were the season guy.

I mean, it's funny. When you asked that, all I think about is sports, you know, and I'm like, yeah, it was pretty good. I was doing pretty well.

The reason I'm thinking about it is because I think in middle school, in junior high, everybody is trying to figure out where do I fit? Who am I? What am I good at?

What do I do to get people to like me? You know what I did, Bob? Yeah, here's what comes to my mind. I actually arranged a sit-in on our front lawn of our middle school. Protesting? We hung out, literally, I shouldn't be saying this, to our listening audience. Don't have your sons or daughters do this. Snuck out one night at 2 a.m., took a big bed sheet, wrote something on it, I don't remember what, hung it over the roof of the school. So we crawled up on the roof of the school and we got in trouble for it. And I arranged the entire school to protest us getting expelled. You know what happened? The entire class got expelled. They expelled the entire class because of me.

And my mom was like, that was the worst thing you've ever done. But you know what, son? You're a leader. You're a leader.

That's a good thing. That is true, though, because in junior high, middle school, you're determining what group you're going to be in and where you're going to go and who are you going to be. Bob, I want to know why you asked this question. Well, I ask it because I think our guest today has figured out that a lot of people are still processing the junior high issues in their 20s and 30s and 40s and beyond that. I feel like I do it in each stage of my life. Wait, who am I now? I told my youngest son last year, right or wrong, I said, I think at 50 years old, 60 years old, 40 years old, you are who you were in high school. It's interesting. I mean, obviously you're not, but there's something that's still there.

If you were the popular kid, if you were the quiet kid, there's something that's still connected to who you were in junior high school. A lot of people just thought, I sure hope not. I just thought he's had a midlife crisis is what I thought. I have had one of those. Is that what we're talking about today?

I don't think so. Jamie Ivey is joining us on Family Life Today. Welcome, Jamie. Guys, I'm so glad to be here.

You're like, where are we going? Well, let me tell you what I think of when I think of middle school is I have, my parents and I, we have resolved this. I have forgiven them. When I was in sixth grade, we moved from a super small town in Texas to a large suburb with one month left of school.

Whoa. And you've forgiven them. I have forgiven them because, listen, they are great parents. You're pulling through a lot.

Come and sit on my lap and I will comfort you for this tragedy. But I always say that started my middle school journey of walking in with one month left. And I had grown up in a town my whole life.

One school in town, you know, small town. Jamie is, for those who don't know, Jamie is a podcaster extraordinaire. We should say that. Well, thank you. I'll take it. Yeah.

Your podcast is heard by millions of people. It's called Happy Hour, right? The Happy Hour, yes. Yes. Great title, by the way.

I love it. Jamie has written a new book called You Be You. And do you think I'm right that there are people still dealing with their middle school identity issues when they're in their 30s? Yes. This is why I wrote this book, yes. I think we all are at different stages. Like you said, we're going, okay, what does my life look like now, whether you're, you know, a parent now or now you've been in a job for 20 years and you're thinking, is this it or whatever? We're all doing it, yes. So did you write this because it's the journey you're on or the journey you're watching thousands of other women be on?

Both. But I'll tell you why I wrote it mostly is because... So I released my very first book in 2018.

That was fun, exciting. But then I started to hear women were always going, okay, they weren't dissatisfied with their life because they didn't like their life. I started to hear them being dissatisfied with their life because they wanted her life. So it's not that they were looking at their own life going, I don't like what I'm doing. They would just look at her and go, if I was her, I'd be happy, content, fill in the blank.

Well, and Jamie, I'll add this too. Have you seen this where women say, well, the reason I'm not her is because I'm not, and then they go through all of their weaknesses. Yes.

Yeah. So I was hearing this going, but wait, you're you. And God made you to be you. And God gave you gifts and he gave you talent and he gave you a voice and he gave you passions, all the things. And so the book started from that is I wanted women to quit trying to be someone they weren't supposed to be.

I wanted them to be the person God created them to be. And then honestly, everything in here is because, yes, I've walked through this. I mean, I still find myself waking up some days going, man, if I was just like her, I would be better. And I have to remind myself, no, like I have my own thing that I'm doing right now. We live in a world. And I mean, I feel like I talk about this all the time with this book, with Instagram, social media, where we can automatically see what we think everyone's life is.

And I say think because it's just whatever's there. And so that's hard for women. I don't know if it's hard for men.

You guys can tell me. But I know it's hard for women because they're looking around wondering what they're missing out on. So that's kind of where this book came from. And I do think it's hard for men, too. But we're not talking about guys today.

Let's put that on the shelf. Well, you start the book talking about going through a midlife crisis. Yeah. I mean, just like trying to figure out what are we doing? A lot of it's like, what's our calling?

That's what I think also gets women tripped up to. Men, too. Like, what is our calling? Like, what are we supposed to be doing with our life? And I think people are asking that, like you said, in high school, in their 20s, in their 30s, in their 40s. And it's a difficult question to answer because there's so many layers to it. There's people who say, oh, we're called to adoption.

We have three kids through adoption. I'm like, yes, God's called us to that. But I think that we have this greater calling in life.

And so anyone that's listening, all of us here, we love Jesus. So we follow Him. That's our goal in life.

I would say that our main calling in life is to love God and make Him known. And then everything kind of falls into place. You know, whether you change jobs or you get married or you have kids or whatever it looks like, everything kind of falls into place after that. I want that to be an encouragement to women. I want it to be like you get to be you because at the end of the day, you're still doing what God asked you to do.

You're going to make Him known and bring Him glory. And that's going to look different your whole life. Like I've had different jobs my whole life that have been so different. And yet you turn 40, you said, you know, in the book and you're like, I feel like I wasted a lot of years. I mean, in some ways, the questions you start asking at 40, some ask in high school, you know, who am I? Why am I here?

What am I supposed to be doing? How did that hit you at, like you said, age 40? Yeah. Well, a little back story. I grew up in church my whole life. Like, I never remember not going to church like I did. GAs, hand bells, you guys. What's GAs?

Girls in action. Oh, I didn't know what that was. Yeah. So I grew up in church, knew a lot about God, knew a lot about Jesus. Would have even said I was a Christian. But then turned 16 and just started living for myself and did what I thought was a quote unquote regular teenage life. I was kind of running from God, got married to a pastor. And then my 20s were just, you know, we were having kids and my husband Aaron was traveling.

And so I felt kind of stuck a little bit, like I wasn't really sure what I was doing. 30s, I'm trying to get my feet under me. And then I got to like 35, 36, 37 and started going, wait, I have so much life left. Like I have so much ahead of me.

So what is God asking me to do? And that's when like my professional career started changing and taking off. But it was the same question that people are asking their 20s. And so I think that for us who are, you know, 40 and above, we can look at the 20 year olds and be like, oh, you're just trying to figure out who you are. And then we're like, oh, so are we.

Like, we're still trying to do this as well. So I don't think it's like you ever show up and you're like, oh, I know exactly what I'm supposed to be doing. We're on this journey all the time.

I figure out what has God asked me to do today and then tomorrow and the next day. So as I'm hearing you describe this, I'm thinking, was being a wife and a mom not fulfilling, not what you were supposed to be doing? Was there still angst in that?

I mean, aren't some people, that's who they are and who they're made to be? Yeah, so much angst in that, honestly. I mentioned that my husband traveled. He traveled a lot. And so I was at home. I was a teacher and a coach before we had kids. And so I kind of had this idea of like, I'll be home with the kids and then I'll go back to working. But I was, I had this feeling of, I think there has to be more for me. And I always want to say here, if you're able to stay on with your kids, it is a privilege.

So I know that and I'm thankful for it. But something started stirring in me where I was like, I think God is moving in me and asking me to do something else, which is what led me, I told you guys previously, to audition for a radio show. And that was the first time that I ever did something out of the box. And I thought, I think I'm going to do something other than teaching and coaching. And I think I'm going to do something different than I ever thought I would do.

You see an ad or what? This is a fun story because I, well, I'll tell you what happened. So I'm driving in Austin, Texas. I've got four kids.

They're young at the time, three, five, seven, six, around that age. And I hear on the radio, I listen to country radio and I love country radio, and I hear them advertise that they have an open casting call for anyone. I mean, anybody to send in an audition tape to join the morning show. OK, so I'm like, oh, that sounds fun.

I've never spoken into a microphone. I was a teacher and a coach, like just never done anything like this. My husband, Aaron, is an artist. And so we had a studio in our backyard and a house in our back. And I said, babe, please help me.

I don't want to throw him under the bus, but I'm pretty confident he was like, this is maybe the dumbest thing you've ever brought to my attention. You know, I created a demo. Let's hear it. Oh, I wish I could.

Wouldn't that be the best? Yeah, I want to hear it. I don't know what I said. It had to be good. It had to be good. I sent it in and it was a voting. It was by votes. And so I just rallied all my friends. I always say that my church, I go to a pretty large church.

I'm like, I think my church got me the votes. And did you do the DJ voice? I tried to. This is J.I. from the big time.

I don't know what I said. Wait, wait, wait. That was terrible. I like your radio voice. Let's hear what you would have done.

I would have never made that. Thanks for tuning in. I'm Bob Lapine. We've got Jamie Ivey here. Hi, Jamie.

That's the best radio voice. I think I just did something like this. Hey, this is Jamie. I don't even know what I did, you guys. But I made it to the top 10 in votes.

And then from there, the executives pick. And so I made it to the top five. And I mean, I remember Aaron and I went on a date and I hadn't worked outside the home since we had kids, you know, seven, eight years. We went on a date and he's like, I think we should talk about this. And I was like, what? I mean, still thinking, there's absolutely no way. I mean, what are the chances?

But I'm in the top five now. He goes, we should talk about this. Because I mean, if you get a job with things, we have to figure this out. And so he was worried a little bit. I think he was worried because I mean, I think I should have been worried. Who's making breakfast is what he's thinking. Who's getting the kids this cool. No, he's like, who's dealing with these children?

Who's dealing with these children? Yeah. And you know, I went in on a Thursday and I got to go on air, everybody did. And I left there that morning thinking, if nothing else, this was so much fun. And you guys, I ended up winning. So here I am now.

I have never spoken into a microphone before then. The guys I worked with were so kind to me and so nice. And it ended up being my favorite job I had ever had up until then.

And I was on cloud nine, but here's what you need to know. I won this job. And so I go from stay at home mom to now on air live at 6 a.m.

So I have to be there, you know, five in the morning. And that's not easy. It's not easy. And my husband still travels a lot.

So, I mean, it's a hard season. And also this was in 2011, three of our kids have joined our family through adoption. One of them had been home like maybe 14 months and he was four and a half.

And if anyone has ever been around adoption, it's just, it's hard at the beginning. And so I start working and I am having the best time of my life while everyone at my house is dying. My kids were struggling. Aaron and I were struggling. I mean, I'm tired, but I just thought, God, I have found what I'm supposed to do for the rest of my life. And about three months in, I came to Aaron and I was like, have you noticed it's difficult around here?

And he's like, you think? Which looking back now, I'm so grateful that he let me feel that tension and he didn't come to me and say like, you have to quit. Like I would have listened to him, but I think that would have been hard for me. So I quit. Even the fact that he didn't put his foot down and say, we can't do this.

I'm on the road all the time. I know. I just look back and I'm like, he's such a cheerleader for me and me for him.

And that was a season where it costs him a lot. So four months I quit and it was the hardest, best decision I've ever made. I didn't want to, I was a little angry with God. Like I don't understand, like why would I try out and why would I win? And you knew I was going to have to give this up and you still let me do this. And so I felt a little embarrassed. I felt a little humiliated. I felt like, oh, I can't do it. Like I felt like a failure. And the biggest thing that I felt was when I was on the radio, it was the first time in my life.

And I don't know how to explain this and maybe you guys will understand because you do this. I felt like I had a voice. Like I felt for the first time in my life that I had found my groove. Like I speak and I get to make a difference in thousands of people's lives. And I loved that and I was good at it.

So they said, you know, I was like, I love this. And I thought I found my voice. And so when I quit, I went through a lot of months of feeling like, well, I don't have a voice anymore. I don't get to make a difference. I don't have anything to say.

No one's listening to me. And I learned maybe one of my biggest lessons in life. And I talk about it in this book is that the voice that I thought I quote unquote found on that radio show, I'd always had it. I mean, you said earlier, are you the same person you were in high school?

It just looks different. I don't think God gave me a voice in March when I got that job. And I don't think he took my voice away when I had to quit.

I think I just used it differently. I had been using that voice when I was teaching fifth grade Sunday school or when I was coaching a volleyball team or I had been using that voice with my four kids in my home for the past seven years. That was such a good lesson for me and that's something I see with women is they think if I can get bigger and better, then I'll be important. If I can get more followers, then I'll have something to say. And I just want to say you already have something to say, like say it to the people in front of you. So was that hard to quit?

Yes. Did God teach me a lot? I'm so grateful for that lesson because it forced me to realize, okay, you can use that voice in your home.

You can use it everywhere you go. I have such a similar story. I was a stay-at-home mom. She did not win a radio. Did you win a radio show?

DJ contest. Nothing close. Well, now hang on. Yes. Let's talk about what you're doing today. Yes.

You're the co-host of Family Life Today. That's true. Yeah.

But it is true. Dave and I were doing ministry together before we had kids for six years and I was loving it. Yeah. Like I was thriving in it and I felt God calling us to have kids and he graciously gave us three sons, but then that was hard. And I almost felt like I was jealous of what Dave was doing, how he was bringing people to Christ, how he was impacting the world. And I felt like I'm doing nothing. And what I would say in my head was, I have no life anymore.

And I hear so many women saying the same thing, I have no life. And so then I decided to start our women's ministry at our church. Our kids were 12, 10, and seven. And man, it filled me up and it started growing and thriving and I thought- She was good. And I thought, this is it.

Yeah. Like I'm leading, I'm impacting, I am doing this thing that I had this vision for. And I found that I couldn't release all of that in my head when I was home. And so I was distracted, I was constantly on the phone and our youngest who is seven was really troubled by the whole thing. Like, why aren't you home anymore? Why aren't you playing with me anymore? Why aren't you playing football with me anymore? And so then the guilt is creeping in, but I felt like, but God put this and he's growing this and the ministry is thriving.

And so an older mentor came into town to speak in an event we had. And I said, I feel like I need to be home. And I feel like our family is struggling with me out here. And yet I have this call that I can't get rid of and I don't know what to do. And I feel like the ministry will fall apart if I quit.

And she said, if God can't replace you, you must really be something. Ouch. Ouch. So convicting.

Yeah. And so I quit. I had a new vision for my family and the importance of pouring into our kids that I did have a life.

This was an incredible life. It just kind of sparked that feeling of, oh, I can be used by God in other ways, but for now I need to focus on this ministry. Look where you are now. Well, that's what I want to ask both you women, is look where you are now. You have a pretty substantial influence outside your home. What if you weren't doing this? What if it never was different than it was when you were moms in your home? There are a lot of moms listening that are like, I'm never going to be on the radio. I'm not going to have a podcast. I'm not going to write a book. I'm going to raise sons and daughters and that's it. Is that okay?

Is that enough? But I think we're not thinking about it the right way because I think everyone has different gifts and talents and passions and voices and influence. And for some reason that we don't understand, this is where God has us. It's not better.

It's just different. And so I think that mom who's at home and she's like, man, that'd be fun to be on the radio. I'm just making another batch of macaroni and cheese for the 17th time. But that is where God has you in that moment. And I have been in that moment. And he's shaping you in the moment.

Yeah, yeah. So for me, when I look back at it, like a professional standpoint of my life, I mean, yes, I quit. And then six years later, I don't know how many years later, I started my own show. And then that changed my entire career in my life. And now my kids are bigger and they understand that mom leaves because she goes to tell people about Jesus. Like when I travel, that's what it is. Like, I'm going to go tell people about Jesus. I'm not just leaving you guys here.

That's what I'm doing. But that's what I want women to know because I don't want them to look at me or you and think, well, God's really using them because God was really using me in my home. And he still is. And God was using me when, like I said, I was a Sunday school teacher for years, you know? And that influence mattered.

The influence that you have matters. The young woman who's listening and going, now wait, why did you guys have to give up what you loved and what you were good at to make things work at home? Why didn't your husbands give up what they love and they're good at and let you be who God made you to be on the marketplace?

Yeah. I have a really good friend who at the same time I was doing that was starting a company. And she's asked me that. She's like, did you and Aaron ever talk about like why you had to quit and he didn't?

And we didn't talk about that. For our family particularly, I had been a stay-at-home mom. When we started our family, we decided, you know what? We have the opportunity.

We have the income. We're gonna decide for you to stand with the kids. It was my choice.

It's what we wanted. And so it just made sense in our family for me to do what I had done previously. But like I said, I mean, Aaron was so kind because he knew how much that meant to me, which neither one of us are God. So we couldn't have seen what God would have had in store for me. And looking back, I'm like, God, I'm gonna trust you next time.

I'm not gonna be so mad at you when you make me do things I don't wanna do because you just never know what's on the other side. But that's how it was for me. It was just, that's how our family had started. I think I looked at it like this great ministry is out here and I'm doing this little ministry in my home. And I think I realized, no, the great ministry is in my home and I'm raising warriors. I'm raising people that could impact the next generation for Christ. And I had this whole new vision of this is the greatest calling I could ever have. And I get to stay home.

Not everybody can do that. So it was this honor and privilege. And some of the days felt like a million years. And you're just in it sometimes and you feel like I'm not doing anything but changing diapers and making macaroni and cheese.

And yet now that I'm on the other side and I think, man, those were the most precious moments that I could have. And I tell you what, it's hard for the husband because I would come home and she would be voicing that struggle. I'm not doing anything.

My life is just hidden. And most husbands probably like me are like, oh no, honey, you're making a difference in what you're doing. And it didn't matter what I said. It didn't seem like it could convince you that your ministry mattered. So I would think in right now, speak to that mom.

You just sort of did. And it's in your book, you be you. But what would you say to the mom that's right now chasing a kid around the house and they're just feeling like my life doesn't really matter.

What would you say to her? The one thing I want to say for sure is that the quality of your influence matters over the quantity. And I mean that by the people that you're influencing, it could be three kids.

But that matters so much to what you're doing is that quantity that you're pouring into them. I also want to say this and I don't want to get on a soapbox here or anything, but I also want to really encourage you to watch what she's inputting into her brain because it's really hard to fight that and believe that when you're constantly scrolling, looking at what you think is a better life. And so it's hard for you to be like, no God, I trust you with this life. And then you're scrolling Instagram and Facebook and you see this woman who she's on another trip with her work and you're like, man, I wish I could wear a power suit and go to work in San Francisco for the weekend. And so you start to think, man, my life doesn't matter and hers does.

And so we can say all day, you need to fight to believe this. You need to be in God's word. You need to surround yourself with good community, but practically you might need to get off your phone.

You might need to stop the scrolling to think her life looks better. I still have to deal with that all the time of believing that what I'm doing matters. Sometimes that becomes difficult when you're looking at other people's Instagram perfect reels. And listen, I love Instagram guys. It's like my favorite social media, but I take breaks all the time from it. I mean, all the time. Well, even last week I can find myself, we're busy and I can find myself at the end of the day wanting to just sit down and find something on Netflix.

Like, oh, I wanna find something that's gonna be great. And I've been talking to God aloud and praying and I was saying, God, I wanna walk with you. I wanna know you. I wanna be closer to you than I ever have been in my life. And I felt this like tug of the Holy Spirit of saying, then spend more time with me.

Then spend more time with me. I'm not on Netflix right now. And so I thought, all right, I'm gonna read.

I'm not gonna turn on TV at night. I'm gonna go up and read. And I don't know why sometimes that can feel like a chore. But I started doing that and I was amazed. Like my heart felt like it was on fire for Jesus.

What happens is to the social media, you start to see it in a new way. And like, oh, this isn't benefiting me. And I think, especially with young kids, all we want is a break. I just want a break.

I wanna veg out. But even talking to God throughout the day, talking to Him about what you're doing, listening to His voice, being in the Word, and having a community of women telling you, this is what matters. What you're doing matters. You do have a voice. You are influencing.

That really makes a difference. And I'll add this, because you two just talked to the women. I'll talk to the guys, the husbands, the dads. Because I thought back in those days, my words didn't really impact her, yet they did. And I would just say, husbands, today. I'm looking you in the eye.

I'm staring you in the eye. And you tell your woman she matters. You tell her what she's doing is valuable. Write her. Write something down. Text her.

But pick up Jamie's book. You be you. And encourage her to say, be you. You are literally changing the world. Don't you believe the lie that you aren't.

She needs to hear that from her man. And I'm telling you, from man to man, do it today. And let me just say, you could go to your wife tonight and say, I ordered a book for you today.

I heard it on the radio. And I went to familylifetoday.com. I ordered Jamie Ivey's book, You Be You. And I want you to read this. And maybe we can read it together.

Or and you can say, I'm going to take the kids for a couple of hours. And you can go read the book. There you go. There you go.

That's perfect. Go to familylifetoday.com and get a copy of Jamie's book. In fact, we're making Jamie's book available this week to any listener who can help support the ministry of Family Life Today with a donation of any amount. The book is called You Be You.

Why satisfaction and success are closer than you think. Go to our website, familylifetoday.com to make an online donation. Or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to donate over the phone. And just request your copy of the book, You Be You, by Jamie Ivey. If you're not yet listening to Jamie's podcast, which is called The Happy Hour, there's a link on our website at familylifetoday.com.

And you can get subscribed and start listening to Jamie every week. Again, our website is familylifetoday.com. And let me just say, thank you for your support of this ministry. It means so much to us. Every time you make a donation, what you're actually investing in is the marriages and families of people in your community. People all around the world who are depending on Family Life Today for practical, biblical help and hope for their marriage and their family.

And you make that possible through your donations. So we're always glad to hear from you. And we hope you enjoy Jamie's book, You Be You. And we hope you can join us again tomorrow when we're going to talk about how the culture of comparison that we live in affects how we see ourselves, our ability to embrace being the people God has made us to be. Jamie Ivey is going to join us again tomorrow. Hope you can be here as well. I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I'm Bob Lapine. We'll see you back next time for another edition of Family Life Today. Family Life Today is a production of Family Life of Little Rock, Arkansas, a crew ministry. Help for today, hope for tomorrow.