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The Marks of a Man

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November 13, 2020 1:00 am

The Marks of a Man

Family Life Today / Dave & Ann Wilson, Bob Lepine

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November 13, 2020 1:00 am

What marks a man as good? Son of author Sally Clarkson, Nathan Clarkson, points out 15 characteristics that join together to define a good man, including adventurous, devout, heroic and yes, emotional. Clarkson reminds us that even Jesus wept and allowed his heart to be moved by the needs people had. Many men stuff their emotions so as not to look weak. Hear how he coaches parents who might be raising an artistic child like he was.

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When we think about godly masculinity. Nathan Clarkson says there is not a one size fits all portrait of what that's supposed to look like it's not about the cozy where is not about how tall we are. It's not about how muscular we are is not about if we can play sports or if we can be in a play being a good man is an inward position. So whatever your love, whatever your passion is to be the football or drama God is put that desire in you and to be a good man. You have to live that out on the best way possible to use it for him to use it to make the world a better place. That is what a good man does look different for everyone. This is family life today. Our hosts are Damon and Wilson. I'm Bob team. You can find us online and family life so what is the part God wants you to play God wants your sons to play in helping to make the world a better place. Do they have a vision for that talk more about that with Nathan Clarkson today stay with us and welcome to family life today. Thanks for joining us so you think you got manhood figured out yet you have course I had figured out about 11 years old is one of those guys talkative a savant know I'm a little older and 11 and I'm still in the journey. I think this is a perpetual journey for all of us as guys were continuing to figure it out as life goes on. You don't get to a point where you go okay I got it to get attention. I mean literally in the last month I sat down for the first time in my life with like a life coach, counselor, part of my journey was I'm 62 years old. I even said to him, I think it's too late, and 31. If you like. I was like why am I doing this at this age and I was sit with two of my sons three nights ago and they both looked at me and said way to go, dad. We are so proud that you're taking this journey at this age and I said so you will do lay there like now.

I mean we look forward to next 2030 years with you in this inside in this journeys can be so I thought no man has really ever figured it out lonely afternoon yeah I think it's both the women to figure it out for us and we think we have you figured out else figured involved.

Continuing to be on the journey continuing to explore themes continuing to look at these issues. In fact that's what were talking about this week. Nathan Clarkson is joining us, Nathan, welcome back. Thanks a much. Nathan's an actor, a filmmaker he's a writer we mentioned that he is the son of a famous Christian author Sally Clarkson. He has written a book called good man, which is a part of your attempt to say what is it that I want to be as a man, what is it God's calling me to be. I am his workmanship, created in Christ for good works which he prepared before hand how I live that out. How I walk in these and you've identified characteristics that are the kinds of characteristics that you want to be true about your own life your own journey in your own pursuit. Absolutely that's what this book is all about. But since he denied having thought of it earlier, but that scene we talk about movies very emotional scene in saving Pvt. Ryan.

I think I should pull it up but at that moment when he goes back to the tombstone. How you he looks at his wife and says was a good man to me.

I was a good man. I mean, again wise at hit the heart of a man because we want to be known who are legacy good man. Every man asks himself the question that I believe in some way shape or another. But ever I think every man in his heart wants to be a good man interesting to know that so I can see the scene in my mind's eye right now. That's how powerful that question is was IMI, then the question becomes if you know what you mean. Good man, what is it and so you said Nathan I'm to write a book and trying hit the attributes from God's perspective, what a good man is so give us some of those you know I can never fully encompass everything that God has asked us to be with you. The ones I found in my life that fully come to get got from each angle. What I wanted to be. That got me close to the directions I went to walk in my life with things like adventurous, I think the men were born to tell a story we talked about that. I think wise. I think men have to take hold of their own wisdom to study to learn to grow mentally I think emotional is one of the chapters and it talks about how men need to be in touch with their emotions and God created us with the motions interesting yeah and you know it's it's Ghibli my wife stuck like glue. I think a lot of women we want our name to be an emotional mass but to show emotion absolutely.

I think emotions are human that you look at Jesus. Jesus wept, and I think that's my favorite verse in the Bible because it shows that Jesus wasn't just a monolithic, I'm to strong and always to the right show that he had emotions he felt the pain that exists in this world and I think that we all go through pain that exists in this world, we have things that are hard and difficult and I think we don't process those there only can have negative effects in our life. You even mentioned in the book you do it. A lot of us men do. I know I've done it. You go through a broken relationship you stuff it stuff that you go to a movie and cry your eyes dark.

The exec IV is a great memory because I just been through one of the most terrible breakups in my life and I just FMO came okay on the phone, how you doing I'm fine.

Don't worry about it old and is hanging out know and I go one night to a movie and I'm surrounded by children and mom you are watching this new animated movie, and unlike I'll be finding something life if laying of the third act on the sitting there crying. I look over and his mom who is friendly to me earlier looks over and she's trying to. It is not at each other and feel especially manly, but is a really important moment for me to find healing to find strings again. Actually, so I so why is it in the only woman sitting in this room that you and I'm guessing you represent a lot of women want your man to be emotional wise that a good thing.

I think what we want is your heart I know what you're feeling why you're feeling for you to be able to express it with my asking, how are you doing, you're saying fine, but we can tell that things are going on that you're mad or frustrated or sad.

We we want to partner with you in and so just to be strong and say I'm fine.

It doesn't feel like you're our partner that make sense absolutely down what is it about a man that Soto wants the stuff. It hurt not let it out even to my wife who I love more than anybody.

What is it about us that Sica don't know if I want to go there.

I think it's a multitude of reasons, but very often look at my own life and why I say I'm fine, it's because I want to be seen as someone who has it together.

You can figure this out. Who can do it and also I take pressure on myself because I want to help other people and I think if I show my weakness that I can be strong for them is a multitude of reasons and there's also just pride. I don't people see me as week I want to look strong in front of people and I covered these kind of things.

In other chapters like a chapter about honesty. How many to be honest and part of that is acknowledging what we feel an authentic part of me nothing to getting real about our humanity and our mistakes in our doubts and fears and or failures that these all lead into men being truthful about who we are in the world we live in. We ask you about the artistic side. The creative side. This is very much a part of how God made you to be seen and sometimes guys who are artistic and creative are seen as being less manly to seal that grown-up yeah you not of my family. My family is all very artistic and outside the box sleep by music and drought. I felt very honed my films that was encouraged but I remember when I would go to school when I turned want to become a teenager moving to Newtown I wanted to know experience and find friends and be with my peers and I meant being surprised at the very intense amount of bullying I received because I would seeing this I would dance my hair was crazy and I love artistic things and I remember being surprised by that because all it ever experiences creativity is good and beautiful mink knew what I remember being surprised by how much bowling there was as a result of creativity so it's interesting to see that men oftentimes experienced bullying or negative reactions by living into, maybe even a way they're made to be the just doesn't fit the cultural mold of what they feel like they're supposed to look where it's really sad that that's sort of a cultural mold. I mean, I know was when I was in high school think it's still there but I actually gave into the peer pressure men Bob and yes I quit; goodness I was a creative, artistic guy what I was an athlete and was a really unique blend.

Because, yeah, that doesn't usually go, and I member I was in the high school orchestra played upright and a member I played that because my mom made me when I was in sixth grade she's like you play this and like that's the biggest thing in the thing we gotta put it in the car. She got up special car with a flip down seat in the back of his mom 70s.

You and I started plan done done done done.

You know they tell then and really getting a cultural exposure. I never would've gotten. Today I play electric bass and it's because of that, so that's cool.

Lecture-based schools offer a really cool tone and I'll never forget you. Not as a quarterback.

The high school football team in a talk all my buddies on the team to come to a Symphony Orchestra concert at our high school and I'm proud I'm up there second chair should first terrorize.

Second, if you Susie cup was first and I saw inflamed beside her and the cellos in front of us were plan this orchestral stuff in a bowtie in a tux, you know me. I walked out afterwards like a man so you think you like to what was that my play you. You are the most feminine and you know they I quit mom and think, and now the peer pressure from those guys thinking I wasn't manly because I was artistic stop me think about how sad thing about the 14-year-old in high school.

Today who hears on the announcements. Do they still do announcements at the beginning of the school day. I don't have school but she he hears this afternoon if you're interested in trying out for the choir there choir tryouts in the gym or the play is having auditions. If you want to be in the play or the cross country team is trying out and you think, okay, those are my choices, I could go to choir rehearsal or I could go to the play rehearsal or I could go to cross-country and then you start the process water. My friends can think based on on those choices that I make and this is how the cultural mold of what is real manhood starts to push guys in a direction that may not be who they're supposed to be a instead of leaning into this is who God made me to be. How can I to his glory. Be creative and artistic and is involved in music or drama or whatever else. Instead of going out for the cross country team but part of the reason for this is I let's just be honest, the cute girls like the guys on the track team more than the guys who were trying out for the play.

I'm looking at you a.m. because you are one of the cute girls and you would like the jocks better than the guys going up or drama did new I would say that quarterback of the football team is pretty cute. Here's the thing. I think now that I think a culture as Jane Nightingale in a good way. I think girls are attracted to Zac Efron the lead in the in the pellet.

I think you look at one of the most manly men in movies today is an artist and yet you would say all the rock he's a man.

He's an artist who needs an actor who's really skilled at what he does and obviously spends a lot of time in the gym but I mean I think it has changed. In some ways out of the good. How would you coaches son Jan had a sign yet, but if you have assigned how will you coach him to be himself if he is artistic, having gone through the bullying that you went through, I think, to remind him is that the world always been one to give an outward image as to what we should be in this. This goes for men. For women, for everything but you look at the verse of God says minutes of the outward appearance, but God looks at the heart. I think ultimately when I want to convey through this book is that a good man will look different from man to man, my brother and I are almost complete opposites, but both of us have a desire to be good man and I think that we have that in mind, we realize that admin is an inward position is an inward position towards God and who is called us to be.

That is not about the cozy where is not about how tall we are. It's not about how muscular we are is not about if we can play sports or if we can be in a play that being a good man is an inward position.

So I tell him what ever your love, whatever your passion is be the football or drama that God is put that desire in you and to be a good man. You have to live that out on the best way possible to use it for him to use it to help, please it to make the world a better place. That is what a good man does look different for everyone to feel any of it today as a man because you're an actor you're involved in the arts today. Do you feel like a people say. So what are you doing and you say I'm an actor. Do you feel like people are automatically making a judgment about your manhood.

Not anymore. I definitely know when I was younger. I think one is looking into what I want to do the rest my life. I think they're the things that I would judge I manhood off of you know if my friend were going to financing or or this person be doing this kind of thing that kind of thing I think will acting is and what a real man does even just culturally. You know I went to acting school and my friends went to college and so I've been insecure about. I don't have the call degree that everyone else has. Maybe I'm not as much of a real man. So I think there's a lot tied up with what a real man is and isn't.

But I always return to ultimately what God tells real men are is a heart position.

How can use your skills and this is where as parents and as even in our own assessment of our manhood. We gotta recognize we don't take our cues from what the culture is yet manhood is. We look at what is the Scripture. So you keep coming back to first Samuel men look at the externals.

God looks at the heart that your book is full of character qualities that are godly character qualities and a real man is a man who's a man after God's own heart and who's trying to line his life up with who is God made me to be whatever the outward expression of that if it's godliness, then that's what we celebrate yet.

I think it's interesting as you said earlier that as you begin to say, okay, what's a good man. He said Jesus is a good man. Was there any of these qualities or characteristics that sort of surprising like, but I didn't expect to find that yeah you know, actually many of them know either the feeling that we've heard of.

Often you adventurous and we really think that all of course is a manly quality, but some of these did taken by surprise as I went back and looked at the aspects of Jesus that inspired me the ones like simple because you know I think as men we want to gain and achieve and show in and have trophies and things accomplished and Jesus was a simple man. He barely left the town he grew up and he would hang out with very simple people and love children and the and the people it very near him.

I think the one like emotionally gone over that, but that's not something you think of when you think of a strong man is one who can be brave enough to be emotional. I think authentic the one who is willing to be honest about his humanity. These are all the ones that surprised me because are so different than what the image of men we been given from many places both. Often our churches and in culture of what were supposed to look like in the one I look at Jesus ago. That's an entirely different picture than I've been given very often.

Yet one that I found in their surprise me. I mean, I like it less romantic. Yes, that's it. I collect sampling about Bethel talk about Dello because the cultural images. Men are about sex. They have many sex partners. You know there's even an aspect a real man you know has money it has has women has success in me that's the culture I mean I obviously 33 years in the NFL work with med that was their vision, man. I'm now a man. I have the car I miss there's a peer pressure in NFL Akron is just like a middle school okay dude you get to go get the car like I just yesterday I was in college you just got the bonus check. Let's go any you can see these rookies like go where, why, I don't need to go in the come driving back with 100,000 car and then as go to the strip club. Literally land the plane from road trip guys go to strip clubs, married men like this peer pressure was like they had the fight against it, but that was like this is what men are. Yes, you're saying no, that's not what a man is romance is totally different than a sexual driven crazy man. What's it mean to be a good man whose romantic all the women are asking. Yeah, this was an interesting chapter to write so new wants and there's so many feelings about it from every different angle, but romance and love is such a big part of the human experience either the lack thereof, or people who have in our relationships. We know what an important aspect and meaningful one. This is to the human experience and so to ignore it.

When talking about men and the journeys in their lives would be disingenuous so I wanted to explore this and how do we do this right begin a good eye for the creation aspects God created something beautiful and that's romance, love, sexuality, these are these are wonderful things, a God created but to fully live into the way he made them to be lived out to enjoy them and live them out in the way he created them.

We have to go back to his design and to look at it and in the world today, we see them in have walked away in large part from everything that God has created all these things for and that's very sad I think is one I think you end up with loud instruction from both women and men who have phoned the world's very cheap and low view of romance, relationship, sexuality, etc. and it leaves for a lot of really hurt people and I think we see that every single day and to I think that all these things are made to be a blessing to be beautiful things in our lives and we use them in ways that God has not created them for will never get to live fully in the beautiful blessing that he's given and so I think this is a really important thing that is demonstrating with every day. I think you you look at the statistics, even with Christian men. Even with pastors about pornography you look at, you know, I lived and Los Angeles New York I have for the past over a decade now and so I'm surrounded by men who abuse women who who objectify them.

Who hurt them, but they take it very lightly and the hookup culture and you see these hearts being broken daily and I and I look around and I see how men think about relationships and love and it really is sad because you see this have really negative effect on culture and the lives of the people engaging in this culture so wanted to look and say what it God create love to be and how does that bless a man's life and how can he bless the world to how he carries out romance, love, attraction, sexuality, all these things are so intrinsic to being a man because I think the really important and I think men are reeling from the destruction of using God's gift in the correct way is part of me that thinks tell me if I'm right and you get it in your book in a different way, but I was listening to you think in a real man a good man is intimate. You said emotional authentic, but I think it's a real struggle for men. It is for me intimate means I will be vulnerable and I can be that with 100 people you know that a few, but especially my wife are a good friend or two, which means it was sheer weakness on the go places that are really scary with my struggle and share that with my wife or with a best friend and I think men are terrified.

I know I hair of my terrifying SS scary to be that we can have Raul feels weak. It's weak yes it's like I don't know where this may go. What if I really exposed the interim I get hurt.

I don't now I can trust you right yeah even even your wife after all these years and so you don't go that she's longing for you, don't go there and so because you're not going there were afraid to go there, or unwilling, you go to porn cheap form of intimacies. It's not intimate. It seems like it is but it isn't.

And that's easier test. And it's a defense mechanism to cope with.

I can't be the good man God's call me to be. And yet if I will. Oh my goodness will I thrive as a man, my marriage will thrive. My brotherly relationships of everything will thrive. But it's our risk that scary for men to take and if I do it. Guess what I'll be more romantic than ever because I'm romance is about loving and serving her needs, not mine, and thinking outside myself and that comes out of you and able to be truly intimate in a couple years ago. Dennis Rainey wrote a book called stepping up a call to courageous manhood and we did a video series around this because we knew guys were wrestling with something inside of them saying I want to be a godly man. I just don't know exactly how to do that so we tried to get guys together create a roadmap help guys out with this one of the things I remember Bodie Baucom saying in that series is that guys tend to define manhood around three areas. He said it's around the billfold around the ball field around the bedroom and then he said they think that's what real manhood is your success with your billfold on the ball field and in the bedroom and he said that's not God's design for manhood and innate than what you're doing with this book is your you're taking us in that same territory and saying let's not bide the cultural picture here. Let's renew our minds with a biblical approach to what it means to be a man as God created us to be man. I think this is going be so helpful for guys today and I'm grateful you come and talk with us about it and help us spend some time exploring this. I hope a lot of guys will dive in your book. Thanks for being here.

Thank you so much for having is been an honor. You can find out more about Nathan's book. When you go to our website. Family life The book is called good mayhem and honest journey into discovering what men were actually created to be. Order the book from us a family like or call to order one 800 F.

L. Today is our number.

Also check out the video series called stepping up a call to courageous manhood based on Dennis Rainey's book by the same title. That video series is available for groups of guys to go through together or forefathers to go through with their sons.

Find out or order Nathan's book or the video series when you call us at 1-800-358-6329 that's one 800 F as in family L as in life, and then the word today.

Speaking of small groups, and video series. We are this week beginning to take preorders for the brand-new love like you mean that small groups series for couples. This is a 10 part series that's based on my book. Love, like you mean it, which is all about what first Corinthians 13 tells us about what love is supposed to look like in a marriage relationship. We been very encouraged by the response to the book, and that's why we created this video series so the couples can go through this with other couples. There's an assessment.

Each of you can take to help you get an idea of where you're winning and where you use some help when it comes to loving one another. David Robbins was the person of family life is here with us and David. We can talk about guys being good men today for a guy who would would say to his wife. You know, let's go through this study, together with some other couples. That's what good men ought to do, don't you think, no doubt, and I think if you want to be a man that leads your wife then being someone who rejects passivity and steps in and says let's do this together with a few other friends. There is nothing more attractive to a wife than that and Bob, you have done an amazing job setting up a series of conversations for a couple to have with other couples and we know we've seen it time and time again it family life that there's transformation when married couples join in with a few others and spend time together over time was truth and you end up getting different perspectives in the mix. People drive home or in the zoom call talking about things that they don't normally talk about, and transformation happens well and again we'd encourage you go to our website. Family life for more information about the love like you mean a video series or call us if you have a questions at one 800 FL today and we hope you have a great weekend. Hope you and your family are able to worship together in your local church one way or another this weekend and I hope you can join us back on Monday when working to continue to look at what the Bible tells us about what real love looks like. Specifically, will talk about the fact that love is kind just nice time hope you can tune in for that conversation on Monday. I will think our engineer today. Keep Lynch along with our entire broadcast production team on behalf of our hosts Dave M. Wilson and Bob Payne see you back Monday for another edition of family life today. Family life to a is a production of family life of Little Rock, Arkansas. A crew ministry help for today hope for tomorrow

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