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Grandparenting On Purpose

Family Life Today / Dave & Ann Wilson, Bob Lepine
The Truth Network Radio
November 6, 2020 1:00 am

Grandparenting On Purpose

Family Life Today / Dave & Ann Wilson, Bob Lepine

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November 6, 2020 1:00 am

What can you do to intentionally encourage your grandchildren? Pastor Josh Mulvihill and his wife, Jen, remind grandparents that they can be a powerful force for good in their grandchildren's lives, but only if they spend time with them. Remember, kids spell love T-I-M-E. Holidays are great times to interact, but let's not limit our time to holidays. Technology offers many ways to connect. Also, go where they are since families with young children often find travel difficult. Grandparent, you have so much to offer, from your wisdom and guidance, to your presence.

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COVERED TOPICS / TAGS (Click to Search)
raising Godly kids
Family Life Today
Dave & Ann Wilson, Bob Lepine
Family Life Today
Dave & Ann Wilson, Bob Lepine
Family Life Today
Dave & Ann Wilson, Bob Lepine
Family Life Today
Dave & Ann Wilson, Bob Lepine

There is a difference between being a parent and being a grandparent. Josh Mulvihill says grandparents have to downshift recognizing that our job is to influence not command our grandchildren when we are in proximity and relationship that just tends to happen as we go through our days with people that we may end up being invited to speak into something just because were in relationship with those individuals when that relationships are not occurring on a regular basis is not intimate, then there tends to be the stiff arm and the distance and that's not happening.

So then we we push and we push people away in that this is family life today. Our hosts are David and Wilson nonpublic team. You can find us and influence matters for a lot and if you're grandparent you have more influence over your grandchildren than you may realize. We'll talk about that more today with Josh and Jen will stay with us and welcome to family life to. Thanks for joining us.

Have you guys established a regular rhythm for what your interaction with your grandkids looks like either in phone calls or emails or texts or visits you have kind of a pattern set out or is it just we have here a single day really not good. Know we have one grandson. Nero says in we'll go more in today's. We see them a lot. They only live 10 minutes from us and so our son will just face time if he hadn't seen us in a couple days Arsenal face time that the kids in Colorado real planners and we need to be, not even asking we get a day on the calendar that we are face timing at a certain time that would help all of us less relevant. Great planners and so it just hasn't happened. Like everyone had a couple times it's it's so cute is our our grandson near us will literally wake up and go. Not only know anyone's grandma so they FaceTime you know, are they say you better get over here in the next couple hours. I will occasionally get a FaceTime at about 530 in the afternoon from my son and I recognize what's happening. It's 530 in the afternoon and they've exhausted all all, let's face time with the data you talk to him. I think or talk about this week. The whole idea being intentional about grandparenting is something that we do have to get on our planners and have to figure out what algorithms gonna be and then get into a regular sink of how organ interacted when really interact and make that a part of the program and we got friends joining us here this week to talk about this Josh and John Mulvihill, Josh Jen, welcome back here. These guys are not yet grandparents. In fact, your you're a decade away. Don't you think from being grandparents way your oldest child is 13, so you don't know, he could get married early. You could be grandparents within the decade, but this is still a ways off for you guys.

And yet this is something that in your study of Scripture, and your interaction with families you recognized grandparenting is at an untapped resource within the body of Christ and within the family structure something that can be used for God's glory in a powerful way. What you recommend grandparents about developing the kind of intentional rhythm.

I was talking about a big one right now is just how much time you spend with each of your grandchildren and it's an easy impact so limited time equals limited impact and there's been quite a few studies done on the amount of time that grandparents spend with their grandkids. As I here's the findings one out of two grandparents is considered a detached or disengaged passive grandparent 102 and that means that equates to connecting with your grandchild less than once a month and so when you don't have time with someone obviously there's a limited impact that can happen.

And so one out of two is active. The means are very engaged in their grandkids lives so that's true for any of our listeners a simple thing as you talk will be an intentional increase the frequency of impact and sometimes it's as simple as a priority issue or it's just a planning issue and so we know where were all busy in late gatherings and last-minute gatherings are hard.

So let's put them on the calendar as will our family what we did. We started to put the fourth Sunday every month on our calendar. We just blocked it off from 4 to 8 PM and we would rotate into different homes and that was how we saw our family parents came over grandparents came over cousins and we just rotate around that we all live office in the same cities that worked for our situation, but it whatever that looks like that time component is a big one. I think kids spell love T IM E so we want to get out of just the holiday grandparenting that a lot fall into. We see in a couple holidays of the year. Recognizing those days, the birthdays, the big milestones the technology that exists today provides a lot of opportunity to interact and many of us don't use it.

To the degree that we could order many, many grandparents are slow adopters of some technology, and so our encouragement is to use that for the relationship building that happens. Be willing to travel. Sometimes it's easier to go to children, especially with young kids that it's sometimes harder to travel, or more expensive.

We five kids so flying somewhere with seven of us is pretty prohibitive.

So it's a blessing to have him sometimes coming to us and so there's lots of things that can happen just to build and develop those relationships but other than Christ.

Obviously that's the cornerstone that makes discipleship possible the relationship doesn't exist, then the the heart openness and heart desires.

Not there to receive what what is being offered and interested to know if your parents feel pressure since year, the grant relationship like with them. What is it look like for your kids and your parents moms passed away within the last few years, my mom passed away five years ago of cancer his mom passed away eight years ago have analyzed our parents as grandparents prior to our moms passing away were spot on a plastic and disciple making grandparents peel when when grandma dies, it changes the dynamic they're going through a transition. They are grieving and life has been upset that both of our dads have done an excellent job of continuing to pour into our kids. It's looks a little different his dad has remarried. Praise the Lord that God has given us a beautiful new grandma and Granny, Pam, Nancy, her three MEP Danny and she is a gift to our family and she stepped in and she nods the kids. She is in encourage errors she cooks for the kids and face time span and is hands-on in a way that we love and appreciate and consider her a blessing sell their especially Josh's dad in hand. They are very intentional to ask good questions not only of the children that I may have asked what would you like to see from us in what ways can we encourage you how often would you like to see the grandkids.

How can we help you more. And in this age of parenting and parenting looks different in this generation. Moms are working outside the home and our schedules are stretched thin it is to get the dates on the calendar. It is time to schedule things, but there openness and availability has been wonderful and also, we've been blessed by an adoptive grandmother who stepped into our family wonderful woman from our church who has said I have grandchildren of my own, but they live at a distance and I would love to pour into your family and say she is hands-on with our children and spends time with and takes them out and all those things. So we have been blessed to have disciple making grandparents in our own family that have affected us tremendously.

Sounds great that you don't often hear what you just said a grandparents into their kids. How do you want us to be involved rather than on the tell you to be involved with your kids.

That's your Mac told you I like my dad and Pam invited us got to lunch and simply said, can you just tell us what you're trying to accomplish is parents with what are your goals what you doing and how can we fit into that and they just listened and you said here.

I got up afraid yeah, but we had experienced.

We've experienced a couple sides really interesting. So Jen's parents we lived two hours away from them. They sold their home and moved within a mile of us. And so our kids, their grandkids were with them all the time. It was wonderful and built that relationship and they there was a lot of intimacy and and death change that and demanded Utah left a hole not only for kids but for us and so we saw we've experienced both sides very hands-on and then the lack of and so all y'all just say this grandparents you matter. Many times I think. Grandparents undervalue the impact that they have in the place that they have in a grandchild's life and I just want to tell you you are important both from the emotional support to the spiritual influence to everything that exists. If you're wondering what do I have to offer. You have yourself and that is what God intended.

Nothing more is needed. Your wisdom, your guidance, your presence, that is what God wants from you and it is really interesting to think us you know before you become apparent. I'm guessing thereby did what we did. Your inhaling anything you can about being a parent, you know, reading books, watching videos when you're about to become a grandparent you don't even think that way I didn't read one book then think about it. Oh, now I mean my unique. I never only here it is with their tools available. I didn't know they were there.

It just sort a picture of a grandparent one day and you don't you think is intentionally has you should you just said my grandparents really really matter, so we should take this job as seriously as we took a print job when what a loss for you guys like to both lose your mom's side for that so hard it has been a hard season that God has taught us a lot, seasons and even in the season of my mom's death my boys being so close to her, even in her final days she could say to them. I love you Jesus.

And when she died on my member are all the saying to date with her to see that teleradiology and beautiful testimony. Just have her not being afraid, afraid, afraid, and yes I know I just think in this season. Our culture says to us grandparents spoil your grandkids and all the fine and all the sugar but really the greatest gift a grandparent can give. It's just the gift of yourself and the gift of your time in the gift of your legacy and pouring into them.

It's those day-to-day moments that that's what matters. My mom just passed away at the beginning of 2020. Mom and dad had 12 grandsons. No grand daughters, but at her funeral all 12 grandsons Dave had them stand up and share something about her and they all had stories she was amazing. She was fine. She was intentional. She was the most giving person that I have ever been around the biggest servant I've ever seen. But one of the grandsons said we were out with grandma to earnings to manage it, and it was in Georgia and it started to snow and so snow actually starting to cover the ground which was unusual in Georgia and my mom was in her 80s. At that time and the boys were trying to slide down this hill and she says you guys don't even know what you're doing and she runs into the garage she comes piece of cardboard. She gets a running start and she rhymes and Bethany flopped cardboard goes all the way down the hill and these two brothers looked at each other and said we have the most incredible grandmother. Oh yeah, the entire world and there were countless stories of her doing that also just sitting there being with them reading to them. I think part of it is just who has got me you to be let Shine at of who you are is in your identity, your kids, your grandkids need that and so when we talk about who we are. Even our purpose is a grandparent, as you've already talked earlier what are some of the other purposes for us is grandparents Psalm 92 talks about this this wonderful metaphor of a date palm tree and how we are like that date palm and how date palm's bear fruit until old age and us the sexy what Psalm 92 says this winter The righteous will flourish like a date palm they will grow like a cedar of Lebanon planted in the house of the Lord they will flourish in the courts of the Lord they will still bear fruit in old age. They will stay fresh and green proclaiming that the Lord is upright, he is my rock and there's no wickedness in him, and old age is a seasonal grandparenting, and it like date palms season of fruitfulness and so many think it might fruit bearing capacities become limited and I think they become enhanced as you get older just as you work round 40s as we've gotten older, life experience, wisdom, understanding God's word all that grows and there is a greater capacity to administer than a less capacity you want. 40-year-old Josh rather than 20-year-old Josh, I assume that so grandparents have that fruit bearing capacity that you don't cash it in and stand on the sidelines. There's a lot of untapped unused potential and valuable grandparents that aren't being utilized. Whether that's in churches today typically push to the sidelines, or whether, in families and so that's the third one.

Let me ask you this really out before the next one because it makes me think is a grandparent.

The wisdom part you know of lived a little longer why I am wife's amazing what even as you watch your kids parent their kids, your grandkids, there's things you see, you know that you did the same thing in your youth, but now you're like that's not the way to do it. What's a grandparent due at that moment they step into. They step back, I know you're the parents that have grandparents so that, but you know coach the grandparents do they just keep quiet or do they like their discipline their kids are. You know the rules are setting or the freedom they're giving.

They have different opinions do they bring it in today. Let a good question. So I think about the influence principle.

If we take a commanding presence. That's typically not received well right and so we want to influence rather than command and so when we are in proximity and relationship that just tends to happen as we go through our days with people that we may end up asking being invited to speak into something just because were in relationship with those individuals when that relationships are not occurring on a regular basis is not intimate, then there tends to be the stiff arm and the distance and that's not happening. So then we what we do we we push and we push people away in that and so if the door is not open and we force our way through it. I you know that's probably not the best method to get the result we want, which is where the influence principle Klassen you're good at this care about like here you of that what you and Marianne do were trying to always read always calibrate. What's the relationship your what's the dynamic. What should we do and what should we do and I think you just have to be in tune you have a purpose. You want to be intentional about what you're doing but you can't come in. So everybody move aside were to accomplish my purpose you. You gotta come in and say I'm an invited guest into this family.

I am a secondary influence as you've already said I need to honor the primary influence in the midst of all of this and I need to just make sure that I'm functioning with grace in this environment so you're not critiquing what your kids are doing in their parenting style.

All you you can't do that, you know, we have to recognize that mom and dad are trying to figure out the same way we were trying to write.

I remember the decisions that we were making that my mom was looking and saying you homeschool your children about the socialization of what all of those kind and I'm sure she went home, wringing her hands at at the mistakes we were making but we had the function before the Lord and what we were trying to do and we decide your kids you know just keep seeking the Lord and keep trusting him for how you navigate things with your own children. We actually got to the point and I drove try to wrong. We have to put it in our parenting book. You know that when you get to the adult stage when your kids are adults. Your relationship as their parent now is don't give advice unless asking and you just wait.

If they ask. Yes, if not, don't. And that is the hardest things ever could. You're watching like it's like, no, don't. In my right did you get to some of the practical things you this gets fun of what we can do is grandparents and you guys have a lot of stories we do. I would say if you're looking for some practical ideas just everything. Yes thing yet still being intentional start by saying yes to changing your scheduling reevaluating how you spend your time and who are spending your time with her busy but some things are busy with the wrong people in the primary influence should be our families and maybe this may not be intuitive to a lot of grandparents are major coming out of a season where you're working full time in your retirement is on the horizon. You can have that time that she's a way that no were all built differently were all designed differently, but just something to springboard maybe means you're going to say all right Johnny's birthday last week and I'm can it take County out I missed the mark on start by just choosing something and doing it the first you love books. I love ducks talk about how books have been an important disciple making tool absolutely sell books are gateway books are a tool that can be used to disciple. They are the conversation starter may become the language of your home, so we love to encourage grandparents to build your grandchild's library good books to use books as disciple making tool. Whether you're reading the same book at the same time or you're studying a book of the Bible together that we loved to encourage a lot of bucks and you can purchase books throughout the seasons. There is a book for every topic there is a book for every occasion that books are gateway to your child heart and we love to encourage grandparents to utilize bucks as much about gifts you ever say no. I don't know what are grandparenting budget is traveling. Let's get like Dooley yeah there's gotta be a know sometime forever. Give gifts to get help. I'm just trying to get coach John we have to put a budget on this. We all love good gifts sought by, but we want some intentionality with with those giftgiving. So how can we give gifts that help a young person grow into a godly man or godly woman. What kinds of things that look like so only interest you actually don't know what is rich is my dream is that we want to give Bryce our 18 month trampoline team of this woman was a gymnast So I like, you know, here's me Mr. Taiwan McKay Arles Tripoli it's under the deck railings. It's been rained for decades like so we pulled it out.

It's all there sprayed it because it was my first scrub the whole thing. And that's true why sprayed it got mad out and have few holes but he Bryce is jump on you like a dollar a little and it's a great month old is traveling with the whole service you will okay wait time but also you will kind gifts.

Can you give for birthdays and Christmas that whether it's books or whether it's opportunities to be together with different activities.

What kinds of things can build into, beyond just some of those fun memories which are which are good meaningful meaningful. Remember, we think foods a secret weapon. We have been no, I don't know about you but I I remember this mills in the case is going into my grandparents house and many of the things I grandparents did in previous generations have been out first to others today and food is one of those.

So instead of going to grandma's house for dinner on Sunday we go to a restaurant and I'd say grandparents take that back and recognize that the food that you serve is important and so be willing to spend some on that have the open refrigerator policy when they come in stock things that your grandkids are going to like. It's one way to entice them to come to your home friend of ours calls us the giving season of life by that she means there's a lot of food preferences and needs. Today, in this culture with allergies and certain diets and eating styles and it can become challenging or frustrating to try to meet all those preferences or needs with family since, say, be willing to do that and utilize when we look in Scripture.

Food is just central to God's people into the spiritual growth and health of communities, whether family or the community of God and so utilize it for that.

You know what what kind of milestones are special with your grandchildren. Whether it's coming to faith the baptism of a big accomplishment in life.

A birthday that you can utilize food to tell them how special they are and to recognize those special moments and grandmothers. You know, pull out your best will also include grandfathers to what was your guys or ladies if you like to cook, pull out your best recipes and recipes and make them and teach your grandchildren how to make them and carry on that tradition as a family. I'm not sure we are intentional about this, but we are now one of the gifts we can give our grandkids as their parents marriage. When we got to Colorado and spend a few days there were like get out of the house. Mom and dad and of course we want to be with the kids, but even overnight Galway work on your marriage. You need to and the grandson that's local. Almost every week relate. Cody and Jenna go offer date. We got Bryce will put them down. Don't worry about you will spend the night somewhere. God, that's a gift. This is a you married matter dealt building babysitters.

We want to impact your kid. Anyway, grandson, granddaughter, but we want your marriage be better and will help you do it. So what gifts we had five years and it was even a little longer because of death that we didn't have five kids and so it's not like you just say to somebody can't come watch the thought overnight so we had about a five year stretch. We didn't have that and it matters, and so yes that don't underestimate the value of simply saying, will let you guys get away and spend some quality time together and work on your marriage, your book is really almost an appetizer to everything else you're working on to try to help cultivate grandparenting the events that you're doing your website. This is something that grandparents begin to recognize we we understand we have a calling.

We just need coaching. That's what you are to provide rent correct out. I would say to folks start with the book make that worry begin. But then we got a link on our website. Your website where folks can get more information about upcoming events and all that you got available. We are so grateful for you guys be in here and for the. The engagement on the subject of hope. A lot of blisters or say okay we we got start taking this a little more seriously and will more intentionally than we have before. Thanks for being here. Thanks for having us.

I would again encourage people to go to our website. Family life first to get a copy of the book discipling your grandchildren. You can order it from a some on family life or you can call one 800 FL today to order a copy of Josh's book and then click the link for the legacy coalition. Find out about the grandparenting summit that Josh and his team are putting together for March 2020, 21, and let's hope we can gather together by March 2020, 21, information about the legacy Summit is available again, go to our website. Family life and click the link to find out more about it or to order Josh's book discipling your grandchildren again order or call one 803 586-329-1800 F as in family L as in life, and then the word today.

You know before we ever disciple our grandkids.

All of us as parents, disciple, our own children, and we can all use a little help them out earlier this week we have the opportunity to talk to Adam Griffin who, together with pastor Matt Chandler has written a book called family discipleship leaving your home. Through time, moments and milestones we were impressed with this book and thought this is can be helpful for a lot of moms and dads. So were making available this week to those of you who can support the ministry of family life with the donation. Your regular support of this ministry is so vitally important for us to be able to reach more moms and dads more husbands and wives to bring practical biblical help and hope to marriages and families you make that possible when you support this ministry.

Can I challenge you today to go to our website.

Family life make an online donation or call one 800 FL today to donate when you do feel free to request your copy of Adam Griffin and Matt Chandler's book family discipleship again. It's our thank you gift, and we do appreciate your partnership with us here in the ministry of family life to the and we hope you have a great weekend.

Hope you and your family are able to worship together in your local church this weekend and I hope you can join us back on Monday were to talk about what real love marriage looks like and why there's no love there's nothing love is the foundation for everything will talk more about that Monday hope you can tune in for that. I don't think our engineer today. Keith Lynch along with our entire broadcast production team on behalf of our host Steven M. Wilson I Bob Payne have a great weekend will see you Monday for another edition of family life today. Family life to the use of production of family life of Little Rock, Arkansas.

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