Ideas for Connecting With Your Grandkids

Each one of us will leave a legacy. Mary Lemoya says, as grandparents, we ought to be more intentional about the legacy we hope to be leaving to our grandkids. I do think a lot about when I'm gone. I want them to know that they had grandparents who loved them and prayed for them. And I know I write in my Bible and I write when things happen, probably for the last 25 years, 20, 25 years, dates and what happened or problems and how God answered it.

And so someday someone will probably look at that and say, huh, you know, God does answer prayers. This is Family Life Today. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson.

I'm Bob Lapine. You can find us online at familylifetoday.com. Have you thought about what it is you're doing that will leave an intentional legacy for your children and your grandchildren?

We'll talk more about that today. Stay with us. And welcome to Family Life Today.

Thanks for joining us. I just got back from doing a little grandparenting, a little fresh grandparenting. We had gone to visit our son and daughter-in-law in Texas, and they've just had a new grandbaby.

And so we went and we were with their four-year-old and with the new grandbaby. But I didn't know there is such a thing. There's now a product that's markers for drawing. But the markers only work on a special kind of paper. Have you seen this? No, I don't know what you're talking about.

So if you have these markers and you write on the wall or you write on the rug or anything, it doesn't make a mark, but you use the special paper and the marker shows up on that kind of paper. Where was this when our kids were little? I know! I'm learning so much about the cool new apps and the cool new toys. I did so much drawing. We did a lot of tracing of hands, and my granddaughter kept leaving my thumb off. And I go, I only have four fingers.

You've got to add a thumb. We had a great time. Being a grandparent is a lot of fun because at the end of the day, you can leave. Maybe that's what the grandfathers say, although getting good night's sleep is pretty nice these days.

Yeah. Here's the other thing I think about when I think about grandparenting. When I was a kid and my grandparents would come to visit, they were so old. And now I go to visit my grandkids and I'm so young!

I don't think our grandkids are thinking that. We have got somebody joining us today who loves being a nana. Mary LaMoya is with us on Family Life today. Welcome back.

Well, Bob, it's great to be here. Mary is the first person I ever talked to when I called Family Life back in 1992 when we first were starting this conversation about starting a radio program. What do you mean? She answered the phone? She was Dennis' personal assistant, and so Dennis had left a phone message for me, and I called back and I got his assistant, Mary LaMoya, and so she's the first person I ever talked to. You know, when I called you back after you left a message for me, I got you.

You didn't have an assistant. Yeah, things work that way sometimes. Mary was here 26 years.

Right. In addition to being a personal assistant to Dennis, she went on to be a staff writer for us, wrote hundreds of articles that are still available on our website at familylife.com, and is not only a great writer, but as I said, she's a great nana. You are in your groove in life, aren't you? I love being home, and I love being a grandparent, and my grandkids, none of them live right next to me. The ones that are the closest are the older grandkids, and they live about 30, 45 minutes away, and then the others live thousands of miles away. So you get to see some of your grandkids somewhat regularly, the others occasionally? Occasionally, yeah, and so we do a lot of long distance things. We stay in touch. I feel really close to them, and when they come, they stay for a long time, a week or maybe two weeks or something like that, whereas the other ones, I'll be able to go to their school functions and see them with all the important things, and they'll be able to come out and stay with us.

But it's just a different kind of relationship, but they can both equally be wonderful. Mary wrote a book, we've talked about this before on Family Life Today, a book called The Grandparent Connection, 365 Ways to Connect with Your Grandchild's Heart. It's just full of creative ideas, ways to engage, and then you've written this new book called One of a Kind Grandparent Connection, Building a Legacy with Your Grandchild. You are very intentional as a grandparent. You see this as a God-given responsibility. I do, because I think the faith of the next generation that God's design is for it to be passed down in families, and where God said that one generation is to tell the next generation, so I look on my ministry, my love for Christ and my husband, Jim, and then my family, and pass that legacy on. That's what I see as my most important role in life. Mary, is that something that you saw passed on into your life, or is this something new?

Is this something that you're thinking, oh, I want this, and it's a new thought? Well, I think when I was growing up, I knew one set of grandparents, because my other grandparents' mother's, well, mother's dad was still alive when I was born, but he died when I was quite young, and her mother had already passed away. My dad's parents were alive, and I was really close to them, and my grandmother was Nana, and that's why I wanted to be Nana, too, and so she meant a whole lot to me, and we spent a lot of time, and we would do simple things, whether it's paper dolls or making things, but just spending time with her, and so I wanted to be like her. So did you get to pick your grandmother's name? Yes, I did. You did?

I did get to pick it. Our oldest son, when they were pregnant, he said, who do you want to be? And I said, I want to be Nana. And I told him why, but his daughter called me Nina.

She'd go, Nina, Nina. It was really confusing because of bananas, and so she was calling me Nina, and I said, that's fine, Chris, just let her call me Nina, and he goes, no, you want to be Nana? You'll be Nana.

Really? Yeah, and so I got to be Nana. So I got to pick mine.

You did? Uh-huh. Why didn't we get to pick ours? We kind of did, but our kids kind of, our grandkids kind of changed them. My granddad is Mimi, and the other set of parents, in this case, he had dibs on, I don't know, Papa or whatever it was that got picked. Anyway, I said, I want a cool grandfather name, so I picked G-Daddy, and Amy said to me, my oldest, she said, I am not, my kids are not going to call you G-Daddy. And I said, when I say to the kids, do you want G-Daddy to take you to Toys R Us and buy you something? They're going to call me G-Daddy, whether you like it or not. So it's worked out, so I'm G-Daddy.

It's stuck. I'm G-Daddy, that's right. You're G-Daddy. Wait, do any of the older ones call you G? No, it's still G-Daddy at this point, yeah.

It's G-Daddy. Yeah, well, you get to be G-Daddy, and I get to be Poppy. Well, you didn't want to be called Poppy.

Well, who would? It was Papa. Who wants to be Poppy?

I know, I'm Poppy. And it went into the other grandkids, too. I thought it'd just be with one, you know, one of our kids, but now the other one's got it, too. No, what- And you know what, I actually like it now. What you are with one set of grandkids is what you will be across the board. Yeah, you can't be one person with- I didn't know that was the rule.

Oh, no, that's the rule. But it's kind of becoming Papa now. Is it shifting? We'll see. It is shifting.

I don't think he knows. And I'm Nani, which is kind of changing to Nana. But it's true, Mary, like I had a connection with my grandmother. I was named after her, and I just, every time I walked into the door, she would hug me and kiss me right on the lips, which our family wasn't affectionate.

But I just felt like she loves me so much, and it filled me up. Do you think that for you, that has filled you up being a grandmother? Yes, and before I answer this, and my husband's Pops, and y'all were saying that. Thank you. Oh, he's Pops.

Glad to have him in. That's what you wanted to be. That's cool, too.

I got the non-cool one, but that's okay. But, yes, I did feel unconditional love, and I feel that for my grandkids, and I want to show them unconditional love. So, yes, I agree with you. Well, I love, you know, in the beginning of Chapter 11, you have kindergarten kids talking about what grandparents are. Do you see this? It's really cute.

It says, this is from, you know, what are they, five? Six years old. Grandmas and grandpas are older than mothers and fathers, and like to hold grandchildren in their laps and hug them.

Amen. They like to answer questions. When they read to us, this is great, when they read to us, they don't skip words, and they never care if we ask for the same story over again.

Which is different than when you're a parent, you know. They don't say, hurry up. That true? Yep.

They usually have lots of quarters. That's a good one. They don't have to do anything except be there when we come to see them. That's pretty neat, yeah. This is classic.

They shouldn't play hard or run. And they especially like to read stories to grandchildren from big books with lots of pictures. I mean, if that's, you know, somewhat of the truth of what a grandchild feels, you know, that I love the part that they don't hurry.

Yeah. Because when you're parents, it's always in a hurry, and you are skipping words because you're trying to get the book read so they can get to bed. And yet, as a grandmother or grandfather, it's what is it about that time now as a grandparent that makes you slow down and sort of seize the moment?

What do you think? Well, I think it's because you realize how fast time goes by. And I think I'm a better grandmother than I was a mother, really. Things that are problems aren't as big of a problem.

I have some perspective on life. Mother used to always say things have a way of working out, and sometimes it would irritate me. And it was like she wasn't even all that bothered. I mean, she listened. She was empathetic. But it's like, it's going to work out.

I promise you. And it always did. And I know that's from Romans, really, how all things work together for good to those who love the Lord and are called according to his purpose. I know that's true. When you're in the moment, you might not feel like it.

But I think it's all that perspective. And, you know, tomorrow's not promised. So I really do want to make the most of today. So when I'm with my grandkids, I don't know if I'll be with them tomorrow.

And I don't know if they'll be living close to me either. So, you know, it's like realizing today. Mary, is there something that God has for us as grandparents to do that we can do better than moms and dads can do, do you think? I think sometimes we might be able to listen better because we're not so busy. We've got more perspective.

So I really do think we can do that. And one thing that surprised me is my grandkids have gotten older, especially with long distance grandkids and things, because you can still have that wonderful relationship. But you can still talk to them and ask them what's going on and how you can pray for them, ask them to share things.

And they will. And one time I know one of my grandkids who lives long distance sent me a text and it was like, please pray for me because I'm getting ready to do something that's really scary or something like that. And she didn't say anything about what it was. So I did. I prayed for her.

I had no idea what it was. And I texted her back, but she didn't answer. And then I ended up texting her dad trying to see what in the world could this be?

And I found out what it was. She was riding motorcycles up and down some mountains. But and she had a good time. But and I don't really know if she was supposed to be doing that. I don't think she was.

And, you know, anyway, but I felt honored that she texted me to say to pray for her, you know, but it's just a whole different relationship. It's almost like, I don't know, maybe this has been written before. It just hit me. It's almost like when you're a parent and you're in the middle of the parenting season, whether they're little, especially if they're little, it's just chaos. You can't even see outside their room. It's like you can see as far as the wall and then the bathroom and the poopy diapers and all that. You're just in it. But when you become a grandparent, it's almost like you it's like a drone.

You lift way up. You're able to look down and you can see the road ahead. You can see because you've been there. And so you're like, oh, this isn't a big deal when you're a parent. You think it is, but it really isn't.

It's going to be OK. Is that somewhat true? Here's the illustration that comes to mind as you're describing this. You've been on the sidelines at a football game with the coaching staff that's on the sidelines. There's a whole different coaching staff that is up above in the press box watching the game. So why is the offensive coordinator up above watching from there rather than on the sidelines?

Because he can see things we can't see from above. And I think there's a perspective that we have on life and parenting and what our grandkids are going through that mom and dad on the sidelines are maybe blind to. But to your point, you have a perspective on life that's different than your kids' perspective. And you can say, I've seen this happen before and it's going to be OK.

It's going to be OK. I know one of my daughter in law, she used to say she would hate to ask us to watch the kids, you know, so much or something. And I'd say, oh, please, please ask us to watch the kids. I mean, your grandparents are delighted to watch the kids. And before I had grandkids, I remember I used to get just a tiny bit irritated when people would tell me they couldn't do things even at the last minute because all of a sudden they're watching their grandkids for something. But then when I became a grandparent, it all made sense.

And I was like that. Let's talk about having long distance relationships with our grandkids. I think that's super hard.

We've got some grandkids, four, that live out of state and it's hard to maneuver. And when they were little, it was FaceTime was this anticipation and excitement for them. And now they're getting a little older and I'm having this sense of insecurity because they're doing other things. Talk to us about that.

What does that look like? And how have you pursued that? You have several grandchildren and right now with the oldest one is five, something like that. There's a whole chapter in here about long distance grandparenting. And so there are all sorts of things that you can do. But one of the things that that I've done with the grandkids is we actually had a set time for FaceTime and it was an appointment.

And so it wouldn't matter who asked me to do what. During that time, I was going to FaceTime those grandkids. And we had so much fun together and they were really long, long times because when I did it then, I would read stories to the kids. When they were little.

And even when they were older. And then they would read to me and, you know, with the iPhone, you can flip it and so they can read. I would get kids magazines and show them things and they'd look for the hidden pictures and all those, which is play games. You're doing this on the phone. On the phone.

So you can still have that relationship. Also, you can be pen pal. You can write them letters when they're older and they can write you back. You can send them little packages. You know, you might ask them if they find a little treasure, if they'd send it to you or call you and tell you about it.

So you can still do a whole lot of things, even though they're long distance. And did you write your grandkids a letter on their birthdays? Yeah, I write the grandkids a letter and put pictures all around the side of what happened during that year.

You know, we talk about some things that happened during that year and then have a Bible verse. And I actually got that idea from Florence Littauer. I heard her speak and she has a book, I think it's Blue Plate Special, where she talked about writing at birthday letters. And I thought, that's a great idea.

So I've been doing it forever. It's really neat when you remember every year. Some of them have ones I skipped or for some reason I didn't get their year. But then they have a chronicle of really kind of their life, you know, with all those birthday letters. So in the letter, did you talk about their life that year? Yeah, I talked about their life that year and then a prayer that Jim and I would be praying for them. I've tried to make a copy of each one and have a little file folder. And so that's on my list of things to do, get all that organized so they'll all have the copies in case for some reason they don't have them.

Which they probably don't. You said your FaceTimes with the grandkids would be long, like 30 minutes longer? Well, the FaceTime with the grandkids, it's usually longer.

Really? Because it would be hours with the ones that were real long. I mean, it was like a morning or something.

It would probably be about two and a half or three hours. And how old are they? I'm guessing their parents went out on a date. Well, I think it did give Mom a little break.

I don't think she minded it. But there were several kids, and so we'd take turns one at a time. It's so-and-so's turn now, and then it's the next one's turn.

And then we'd do whatever. And the younger they are, the harder it is, you know, like if they're a year and a half or two. Their attention span's not very long. But it worked out great. A five- or a six-year-old would stay connected with you and be happy to be on the phone with Nana for 45 minutes?

Well, or maybe 30. But we'd do FaceTime, though, and we're reading. I'm reading books, and I'm actually walking into where I call the library, but we have kid books, and say, okay, what book do you want me to read today?

And then they'd say, I want you to read that book, and so I'll pull it out. But the only reason that we got the iPhone when we did, it was because of the kids, because they wanted to FaceTime. And we didn't have an iPhone, so we got an iPhone because they wanted to walk around and show us stuff where they were.

And so now we can walk around. When we walk around and show them stuff, they know it because they've been in the house, and they've been to those places. So you can have a great relationship with long-distance grandkids. Well, I like the idea of a slotted time, an appointment with them, because then the kids are anticipating, and you're not pulling them away from their activities.

But I'm pretty inspired about this two-hour to three-hour thing. And it's not going to always work like that, and it depends on the season of life for that family. Because for that particular time in life, it worked out well for maybe two or three years where we did that. Where we are now, it's a little different situation, so it's not going to be that long and not that often. But for the long-distance one, we're writing letters now, so we write a lot of letters.

But you just do whatever has to be done. We have a granddaughter that would easily talk for two hours. Oh, yeah.

Just have her pick out some stuff. Play a game. You know, with all the technology, you can play games together. You can do all sorts of things long-distance.

That's really a good idea. Now, how often do you go see them when they're thousands of miles away? Well, the ones that are so far away, we saw them twice last year.

But you just do what you can do. And when you see them, when you're able to be person-to-person with them, the fact that you've had these regular FaceTime meets, your relationship is already there. They don't warm up to you.

They come running to the car. Yes. It's a close relationship. And then the ones that are here, you get to see in person. So, you can have a close relationship with your grandkids, whether they live near you or whether they live thousands of miles away. You're not only intentional about building a strong relationship, but you want to be involved in passing on a legacy of spiritual vitality. So, what are you doing intentionally to plant spiritual truth in the lives of your grandkids? We pray for each grandkid every day.

And, you know, we just really believe in that. And I know I've told you this in the past, Bob, but I have these little books while they were sleeping and each one has their own little book. And so, I take turns and every day I do four of them and I read through the Bible scriptures and all that. And I write little notes to them and date it. And so, I've just done that for years and they just rotate and they've got all these years dates and prayers I've said for them. And I just want them to know that. And the kids know it because I had them write a little note in each book to date it. You know, some of them were like two or four or seven. And so, they wrote and I remember one of them was about four or five and said, this is very special to me.

Put it in the front of the book and I'll have a few little pictures of them. But I do think a lot about when I'm gone. I want them to know that they had grandparents who loved them and prayed for them. And I know I write in my Bible and I write when things happen, probably for the last 25 years, 20, 25 years, dates and what happened or problems and how God answered it.

And so, someday someone will probably look at that and say, huh, you know, God does answer prayers. And you said you have more than one Bible that you've written in. Yes, because I kind of go through Bibles. And so, right now, I write in all my Bibles, but as far as dating those things, they're two Bibles. They're like my really, really personal Bibles.

Because if I lose it, I don't want that loss. And so, it's in those because I filled up one with all the blank pages and so I had to go to another one. Oh, I can just imagine years and years ahead of time of seeing one of your grandkids with your Bible with all that scripture underlined in your notes. What a gift that will be for them. I have at home a more than 100-year-old Bible from somebody I've never met, from an ancestor, somebody who was, he was the elder at the church in Buffalo, New York, where my dad grew up. And that Bible is an heirloom that will be passed on. There's a letter in the front that's not written to me, not written to descendants, but just it's a personal letter that he wrote to a pretty significant family treasure to have something like that.

That's wonderful, Bob. And you know, here I am, I'm now on my iPad with my Bible more than I am in an actual printed book. And you lose something when it's all on the iPad, don't you? Yeah, I wonder if there's a way to write notes on an iPad Bible. I think you can, but then is that the same thing when your grandchild gets your iPad? Yeah, handwriting.

Yeah, right. All I know, Mary, is listening to you today is inspiring because I think as a parent, you're intentional. And you think, man, I've got to pass my faith on. And it's easy as a grandparent to get lazy. It's almost like, well, it's the parent's job. I did my job with them. But you are inspiring to say, no, I want to be actively involved. I mean, I think every grandparent listening is inspired to say, what am I doing? I need to step in and have as great of an impact on my grandchildren as their own parents are having.

My job isn't done. I'm actually very needed and essential in my grandchildren's lives. And what you put together in this book gives us not just the motivation, but you give us creative ideas and suggestions for how we can be more effective, more intentional as grandparents. And we want to make your book available to our listeners this week. If they'd like to get a copy of Mary LaMoya's book, One of a Kind Grandparent Connection, you can contact us here at Family Life. We are sending this out to anybody who can help support the ministry with a donation this week. Go online at familylifetoday.com to donate or call 1-800-FL-TODAY. And if you're thinking, well, I'm not a grandparent, get a copy of this book and maybe go through it and highlight some things and then send it to your parents and say, here are some ideas, ways you could get more actively involved in your grandkids' lives.

Again, the book is called One of a Kind Grandparent Connection. It's our gift to you when you donate to support the ministry of family life today. Donate online at familylifetoday.com or call 1-800-FL-TODAY. And let me just say thank you for your donations. Thank you for supporting the mission of family life to effectively develop godly marriages and families who change the world one home at a time. We are grateful for those of you who embrace that vision and want to see us reach more people more often with God's blueprint, God's design for marriage and family.

So, thanks for partnering with us. We look forward to hearing from you and look forward to sending you a copy of Mary LaMoya's book. Now, I also want to let you know about an opportunity you may have to have dinner with Dave and Ann Wilson and sit in on a family life today recording session.

We've got something going on right now. We're trying to help couples strengthen the foundation of their marriage with an online resource called Taking Your Marriage From Good to Great. There are a couple of video courses that we're unlocking and making available to you. One of them is Jeff and Shanti Feldhahn talking about lightbulb moments in your marriage when you begin to understand your differences as male and female and start communicating more effectively and understanding one another more effectively. Another is a video course from The Art of Marriage about resolving conflict. Then there are messages that we're making available from Paul David Tripp, Vodi Bakkem, Gary Chapman, and Julie Slattery.

And there are a number of downloadable resources in this kit as well. When you sign up for the kit, the Taking Your Marriage From Good to Great resource, you are automatically registered for a drawing we're going to do. And one couple will be selected to come to Family Life, sit in on a Family Life Today recording session, have dinner with Dave and Ann Wilson. We'll take care of bringing you here, putting you up in a hotel, your expenses while you're here. No purchase necessary.

All of the rules are available online. But we'd love to help you strengthen your marriage. And we'd love to see one of you joining us here at Family Life for an upcoming Family Life Today recording session and for dinner with Dave and Ann. So, again, find out more when you go to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com. Now, tomorrow, we're going to talk more about strategies for being a more effective grandparent, how you can connect relationally and spiritually with your grandkids.

And what do you do if your own children are putting up some borders and boundaries around that? Hope you can join in for our conversation tomorrow. I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I'm Bob Lapine. We'll see you back next time for another edition of Family Life Today. Family Life Today is a production of Family Life of Little Rock, Arkansas, a crew ministry. Help for today, hope for tomorrow.