How to Respond to a Loved One’s “Coming Out Story”

How should I respond to a loved one who just told me I can't be your friend to trust the word sarcophaguses instead of sarcophagi. careful what we say. I would have said sarcophaguses too if he hadn't told me. I mean I just yeah I mean I don't frequently talk about sarcophagi and so when I do sometimes I mess that one up but I guarantee you there will be other bloopers for you in the future and so if you want to not be my friend that's okay too. Be watching for Adriel's use of the English language.

No actually please don't be watching for that. All right well here's our first question this is an Instagram post from Joan. She says, I'm reading through the bible with my 12 year old son. There are strange accounts in the bible like the sons of God in Genesis 6 and the witch of Endor in first Samuel that really trip him up. These passages make it hard for him to focus on the bigger picture of scripture and the parts that point to Christ. How can I help him from getting too distracted with the minor details of the bible and focus on the bigger more important parts? Yeah well I guess what I would want to say is you know all of the bible is important and so whether we're thinking about the the sons of God there at the beginning of the book of Genesis or the witch of Endor or any number of the things that we see in the old testament really what people oftentimes have a hard time with Joan is the miracles in scripture. Did Moses really split the Red Sea? Did Jesus really walk on water?

And there was actually a whole movement not too long ago that essentially said well you know those stories are just too fantastic. Let's set those aside. That's really the husk of the Christian faith.

It's supposed to be torn off. You know the real kernel of Christianity is love God, love your neighbor, be a good person, that kind of a thing. And I'm grateful to hear Joan that you understand that actually the kernel of Christianity is the gospel. It really is the miraculous resurrection of Jesus Christ. If we don't have that, if Jesus didn't really rise from the dead, we're still in our sins and Paul said that in first Corinthians chapter 15.

And so the first thing I would want to say is we don't want to under emphasize if you will or just suggest that those stories aren't important. They are and maybe it is the case that they're a little bit harder for us to wrap our minds around. I mean how can some of these things be especially they're miraculous, but we recognize ultimately that God is the one who is in control of the world. That there are spiritual forces at work beyond what the eye can see and sometimes you do have these magnificent extraordinary things happening, but we can embrace those things by faith. We don't live in a naturalistic world where miracles are impossible. We know that there is the creator God who made all things and so there are experiences that people have had throughout redemptive history that are unique and that are frankly not ordinary, not the kind of thing that we expect to see.

The waters of the red sea are parted once a week, that kind of a thing, but we embrace them on the basis of faith and on the basis of the fact that this is God's revelation to us. And through those stories, through those miraculous stories even, we're pointing to Jesus and we're trying to help each other. In this case, you're trying to help your 12-year-old son to see how these stories ultimately are leading us to the redeemer himself. And so you think about that situation with the sons of God there in the early chapters of Genesis.

What does that illustrate? Well, it illustrates for us the absolute sinfulness of humanity. I mean the world was just going in a bad place and God had to judge the world because of her sin. And all of these sort of themes, the theme of sin, the theme of judgment, the theme of redemption, ultimately Joan are pointing us to Christ and to his redemptive work. And so I think in that way you can take these stories and point your son to Jesus the Redeemer and to God who is gracious to a sinful world.

But we don't want to set the stories aside or pretend like they didn't really happen, that kind of a thing. No, we embrace them by faith and then we understand them in the context of the whole of scripture. And I just want to say, Joan, God bless you. May the Lord continue to encourage you as you read through the Bible with your son. I know that this is just kind of a separate point, but I think about what Paul told Timothy about how the faith was first in his grandmother and then in his mother and it was sort of passed on to him. And I love that that's what you're doing with your 12-year-old son. May the Lord bless you in that effort. And Joan, when you get to the Song of Solomon, just skip over that until he's 18.

That's right. Here's an email question that came in from Vince. He says, should a Christian hold a job that might hurt other people like working for the military or doing retail knowing that what's being sold comes from sweat shops?

Vince, this is a really good question. And you know, me pastoring here in San Diego and Southern California where there's a large military presence, got a couple Navy bases out here, and that kind of a thing. I actually get this question from time to time from members in my church. Just this last week, actually, I sat down and had coffee with the brother who's serving in the military. And we were wrestling with, you know, what is the Christian obligation to the civil government, to society, my role as a person in the military, my role as a Christian, first and foremost.

What does that look like? You know, in the book of Romans, in Romans chapter 13, and this is really an important passage of scripture when we're thinking about these kinds of things, the apostle Paul said, Romans 13 verse 1, let every person be subject to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except from God. And those that exist have been instituted by God. Therefore, whoever resists the authorities resists what God has appointed. And those who resist will incur judgment. For rulers are not a terror to good conduct, but to bad. Now there, when Paul talks about rulers, he's talking about, you know, political leaders, civil government. And he goes on to say, would you have no fear of the one who is in authority and do what is good? And you will receive his approval for he is God's servant for your good. But if you do wrong, be afraid for he does not bear the sword in vain.

He is the servant of God, an avenger who carries out God's wrath on the wrongdoers. That's, again, Romans chapter 13 verses 1 through 4. And there, Paul seems to indicate that in the civil government, you think about military services, these are legitimate institutions, if you will, that they have a role to play in society. And I think it's perfectly fine for Christians to be engaged in these kinds of jobs and these kinds of offices and to serve their country. Now I think there is, for some people, maybe it's a matter of conscience where they have a difficult time doing that. There's something about, maybe, service that they feel like, well, I just don't know that I could do that and be faithful to my call as a Christian. I think if your conscience is struggling with this, well, you don't want to sin against your conscience. And Paul talks about that elsewhere. But if you can have a clear conscience, and again, I think that civil government working for the military or in politics, right, those are legitimate institutions, and you can have an impact for Christ in those places, I think, go for it.

But again, if you're doing something that you feel like goes against what the Word of God says, or if it does go against what the Word of God says, well, then you have to be faithful first and foremost to the Lord. I'll tell you a story. Years ago, when I was in seminary, I had a job working for a tiny little carpet cleaning company. And it was just sort of me and the owner of the business.

It was really small. And on one occasion, he said, you know, if you sell the heavy duty cleaner, really, all you need to do is use some of the dish soap that's in the person's kitchen. I mean, it was totally shady.

But he said, go and offer to use the heavy duty cleaner, and you can just use the sort of Ajax that's in their kitchen. And I just thought to myself, well, no, that would be wrong to do. And so I never did it. Why? Because it went against my conscience, and because it was wrong.

It would have been cheating someone out of money and deceiving them into thinking that I was using some sort of industrial cleaner on their carpet, when in reality, I was just using some of their dish soap in my carpet cleaning machine. And so we as Christians, we have to do our jobs with integrity and as unto the Lord. And I think that you can do that in these various institutions. But if you can't, and if there's something about the job that you're doing that calls you to participate in things that are clearly against God's word, well, then you have to obey God rather than man, Vince. And I trust that that clears this up a little bit for you, but feel free to follow up, because it is such an important question.

Good counsel. This is CORE Christianity with Pastor Adriel Sanchez. We've got a variety of different Bible studies available here at CORE, and one of the most popular is our new study on the book of Romans.

Yeah, I'm actually really excited about this one, Bill, because a group of men in my church are considering using this study in particular for one of their men's groups, and so that makes me excited. The book of Romans is really, I mean, just such an amazing book of the New Testament. It really gets to the center of the gospel, and it's available, this study on the book of Romans, on our website. It's a 10-week study, and it's a great way to grow in your knowledge of the gospel. In fact, as I was sort of alluding to, Romans has been one of my favorite books to study as a Christian.

Just that's had a huge impact on my own life, and I know on the lives of so many others. And so head over to corechristianity.com forward slash offers to get your own copy of this new Bible study on the book of Romans. By the way, this would be a great resource to send to your pastor or small group leader at your church as they plan their next Bible study.

And you can call us for this or any one of our resources at this number, 833-843-2673. That's 833-THE-CORE. By the way, just a reminder that CORE Christianity is listener supported, so we count on people just like you to make donations to keep us on the air. So if you would prayerfully consider that in this new year, we would really appreciate it. Let's get to another question that came in at 833-THE-CORE. Hello, my name is Matt. I'm listening now and you're talking about the law and the normative under Jesus, what it means for us today, and you said we should keep the law.

I'm wondering which aspects of the law. Do we still need to do the feasts, or were those fulfilled in Jesus as well? Thanks for your time.

Thanks for your time. Yes, excellent question. I remember years ago going to one of those Passover, you know, like the Christian Passover Seder meals, Bill. I don't know if you've ever done one of those. I have. It was a lot of fun, but I tell you what, I think I prefer just, you know, Marie Callender's dinner.

I just recall eating bitter herbs and stuff like that. No, thank you. And fortunately, I think that those feasts were fulfilled in Jesus Christ, that we as believers aren't obligated to do that. Actually, Paul, he talks about the feast that we have as believers, the feast that we keep being the Lord's Supper, Holy Communion. That's the feast of the church.

Christ, our Passover, has been sacrificed, therefore we keep the feast. And so, but you raise a really good question. I've actually written an article over at corechristianity.com called Why You Don't Have to Obey All the Rules in the Bible, sort of a catchy title. But the point is, you know, so often you hear things like, oh, you Christians, you reject homosexuality, but you're okay with eating shellfish. And both of those were forbidden in the book of Leviticus.

You're so inconsistent. And sometimes Christians can really have a hard time with that objection. Well, why is it that we obey some rules but not others? Well, I think it's helpful to distinguish between the different kinds of laws you have in the Bible. You have these sort of civil laws that were associated with Israel as a political body in the Old Testament, when the church and the state were essentially the same thing. You have these ceremonial laws that were associated with the worship of Israel under the old covenant, there with the temple, the sacrifices.

And then you have this, the moral law, which you have summarized in the Ten Commandments and places like Exodus chapter 20 and reiterated by Jesus, ultimately fulfilled in the command to love God perfectly and to love our neighbor as ourselves. Well, the civil laws of the Bible, we don't keep those laws. And the reason we don't keep those laws is because Israel as a political body, as the people of God, if you will, under the old covenant doesn't exist in the same way. The church and the state are not merged as they were under the old covenant. And so with that change, with that development, with the setting aside, if you will, of that old covenant, those civil laws were abrogated.

That means that they're no longer in place. Now, that doesn't mean that we as believers can't glean general principles and truths from those laws. It just means that they're no longer binding upon the church. Same thing with the ceremonial law. Actually, it would be very wrong for us to keep some of the ceremonial laws. The whole book of Hebrews is about how we don't need to go back to the ceremonial laws, the worship of the old covenant, because Jesus Christ has fulfilled it.

Christ, the substance, the one who was promised, he has come, he has instituted this new form of worship, if you will, through his own body and blood. And so we're still bound to the moral law, what you have summarized there in the Ten Commandments. And again, like I said, Jesus said it's fulfilled the whole law on the prophets, or fulfilled in this.

You love God perfectly and you love your neighbor as yourself. And so that's what we're called to obey as Christians, the law of liberty, the law of love. Now, who of us perfectly obeys that law? Not me.

I can't even get sarcophaguses and sarcophagi right. I mean, we're all making mistakes every single day. We sin against the Lord in thought, word, and deed. That doesn't mean that we set the law aside.

No, by the grace of the Holy Spirit, and because we've been saved, our sins are forgiven through Jesus Christ. We don't set the law aside, we establish the law. Paul says this in the book of Romans, by the Spirit, Romans 8, we fulfill the righteous requirement of the law. And I think what Paul means by that is not that we're perfect, but that the Spirit of God, after having been saved by Jesus Christ, justified, is working in us, is working in me and working in you, so that we would love God and love our neighbor as we ought.

We'll never do it perfectly. And our being justified before God is not dependent upon our perfect obedience, it's dependent upon Jesus's perfect obedience, what he's done for us. And now that we're saved, forgiven, justified, we walk with the Lord and we fulfill the law of love by the Spirit, day by day, imperfectly. But ultimately, it's what God calls us to, each of us.

And so we don't fulfill those or obey those civil laws, per se, or those ceremonial laws, but the moral law of scripture, the call to love God and love our neighbor, we do pursue that as believers in Jesus Christ. Well, you know, your articulation of the Gospel there was just, it's so freeing when you think about what God has provided for us in his rescue plan through his son Jesus. And man, oh man, it's just unlike any other faith, Christianity offers us this free gift. And Bill, let me just piggyback on that, because I think that it's something that our listeners that you need to hear over and over again. I remember sitting down with a couple that was joining our church years ago, and I asked them, what is the Gospel? What's the good news of the Christian faith?

And they sort of looked at me, you know, kind of with the deer in the headlights look, and they began to appeal to the law. Well, it's, you know, you do good things, you've got to be a good person. We love each other, right? Everybody believes in love, we should love each other. That's what's so great about Christianity is the love. And while the law is a good thing, we can't confuse the law with the Gospel. Because see, the law is a good thing, but the fact of the matter is, you and I are law breakers.

We don't perfectly keep the law. And so the good news of Christianity isn't love each other. The good news of Christianity is that there is a God in heaven who loved us despite the fact that we didn't love Him or love each other. And He sent His Son into the world to save sinners.

It's not about what you do primarily. That's not the Gospel. You don't do the Gospel. The Gospel is what Jesus Christ has done for you. And man, we have to hear that over and over again, because so often we make it about what we do, who I am. It's not that that's not important, Bill, like I was just saying in the previous question, but it's just that we do, we follow the Lord because of what God has done for us, because we're recipients, first and foremost, of His grace to us in Jesus Christ.

Amen. This is Core Christianity with Pastor Adriel Sanchez. Had a question come in on our Facebook page from Ozzie, and he says, if someone in your family is heterosexual, but because of a bad relationship decides to try homosexuality, how is the family supposed to respond, especially when we see each other at holiday get-togethers and birthdays and those type of events? I keep praying for this person and would appreciate prayers for this person who is also very confused and has severe depression. Well, brothers and sisters, if I could just ask you, why don't we pray right now for Ozzie's family member? Heavenly Father, we lift up Ozzie and we lift up this family member in particular who's been battling with depression and also is just confused about sex and sexuality and their own sexuality. I pray, gracious God in heaven, that you would cause the light of your truth to shine upon them, your grace, not knowing entirely just the difficulty with the previous relationship.

And we know, Lord, how devastating relationship hurt can be. I pray for your healing in their life, and I pray that they would come to embrace and understand the truth of your word related to sex and sexuality, and ultimately, Lord, related to your son Jesus and the forgiveness that we can experience, the peace that we can have in Christ. Would you be with Ozzie?

Would you give Ozzie wisdom as he interacts with this family member, and would you be with this family member? We pray in Jesus' name. Amen. Ozzie, this is one of the things we're seeing all around us today, is just a widespread confusion about sex and sexuality. Part of the confusion is we as a culture assume that our sexuality is at the core of or the essence of our humanity. I am my sexuality. I'm gay.

That's who I am. That's how I define myself, or I'm heterosexual. That's already a confusion, and there have been people who have talked about where we got this as a culture. Some people rooted in the sexuality that was talked about by psychologists like Sigmund Freud and others, and not to get into all that, how we got to where we are today, but the reality is so many people root human identity in sexuality, and they root sexuality in our feelings.

I think I'm drawn to or attracted to this, or I'm unsure about that, and a lot of people are confused about sexuality today because they assume that their feelings are what their sexual identity is rooted in, and so if someone feels attracted to someone of the same sex or has an interest there, well, I must be gay, and that must be my identity. Well, first and foremost, we need to recognize that we're created by Almighty God in the image of God, that sexuality is a part of who we are, but it is not the core or the essence of who we are. The core, the essence of who we are is the fact that we're creatures made in God's image, made to reflect His goodness, His glory, His gospel, really, ultimately through Jesus Christ, and yet we've missed that today as a society and as a culture, and I think that's one of the reasons why there's so much confusion on this issue, and I think as you engage with this family member, I mean, you pray for them, you continue to love them. It sounds like they've had a very difficult time. I don't know, like I said in my prayer, what kind of pain or hurt they experienced in this previous relationship, and now they're sort of experimenting, trying to figure things out, maybe like a pendulum swing.

I don't know entirely what's going on, but I think that you want to be, one, sensitive to the fact that it sounds like there is a lot of hurt there, and maybe even with things like depression, I mean, that's where we typically, on this program also, we encourage people to sit down with a counselor, with somebody who's going to be able to help them through processing some of the pain, some of the hurt that they've experienced, and we know also that there are serious clinical types of depression that require medication, medicinal help, and so that could be a thing also, but with that, I think sharing the truth with this person in a loving way, reminding them that really the core of who they are is not their sexuality. The core of who they are is that they're made by God himself, an image bearer, worthy of dignity, respect, honor, just by virtue of the fact that God has made us in his image. There's something so wonderful, so precious, so special about that, but as image bearers, we've sinned against God. Each of us sins in different ways.

For some people, ungodly, sort of disordered desires related to sexuality are the primary way in which they struggle. For other people, it could be greed, pride, I mean any number of things, but we're made in God's image, and yet as God's image bearers, we don't perfectly reflect the goodness and glory of our creator. We've broken the mirror, if you will, so that through our sins now, instead of reflecting God's love to one another, we reflect this distorted image to each other. We hurt each other. So I would say as you continue to pray for them, focus on the true identity that we have as people made in God's image, and he wants to restore the image of God in us through Jesus. And be sure to join us next time as we explore the truth of God's Word together.