Can I Get Remarried If My Infidelity Caused the Divorce?

Can I get remarried if my own infidelity caused the divorce? That's just one of the questions we'll be answering on today's edition of Core Christianity. Hi, it's Bill Meyer, along with Pastor Adriel Sanchez, and this is the radio program where we answer your questions about the Bible and the Christian life every day. You can call us right now with your question at 833-THE-CORE.

That's 1-833-843-2673. You can also post your question on our social media sites, and you can always email us your question at questionsatcorechristianity.com. By the way, just a note that this Friday will be our last live episode of Core Christianity. In the coming months, we're going to be offering some great new content on our YouTube channel, so we encourage you to follow us on YouTube and be watching for that. First up today, here's a voicemail from one of our listeners.

This is Eric in Iowa. I have a question about 2 Corinthians 5 verse 10. Are we going to be receiving some type of retribution for the sins we've committed? And I was also wondering about the good. Does this apply to giving? Does it apply to helping others?

I just wanted to see what you might want to tell me about this from what other scriptures have said. I'm just curious about what we're going to receive concerning what we did, whether good or bad. That's my question. Thanks, and have a good day.

All right. Eric, thank you for that question. 2 Corinthians 5 verse 10. For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each one may receive what is due for what he has done in the body, whether good or evil. Now, you asked specifically, are we going to receive some kind of retribution, maybe punishment, for our sins after we die as believers?

And I think the answer to that is clearly no. Jesus said in John chapter 5 that the one who believes in Him has already passed from death to life. We don't enter into judgment, which is not to say that we don't stand before God at the final judgment, but that we're not condemned. We're not condemned for our sins because Jesus has taken our condemnation in His body, on the cross, redeeming us. Now, there is a sense in which I think those who are saved can experience some kind of loss.

Now, what do I mean by that? I'm using the language of the apostle Paul in his other letter to the Corinthians in 1 Corinthians chapter 3. There he's talking about, in particular, talking about pastors, ministers, leaders in the church, and proclaiming the gospel, and how some do it for good motives, good reasons, and others maybe for not so good reasons. And he says there, 1 Corinthians chapter 3, beginning in verse 12, now if anyone builds on the foundation with gold, silver, precious stones, wood, hay, straw, each one's work will become manifest, for the day, that is the day of judgment again, will disclose it, because it will be revealed by fire. For the fire will test what sort of work each one has done. If the work that anyone has built on the foundation survives, he will receive a reward. If anyone's work is burned up, he will suffer loss, though he himself will be saved, but only as through fire.

And so, a couple of things here. One, for the believer, we don't have to be afraid of being condemned on the day of judgment. This is why John, in 1 John, says we can have confidence on the day of judgment because of God's great love for us. But we also recognize, according to scripture, that we are going to be rewarded for, you know, you mentioned a couple of things there, Eric, you know, what about giving, charitable deeds. Yeah, God does take all of that into account, and there is a reward. Well done, good and faithful servant, the Lord says to his people.

Now, what exactly that reward looks like, we're not entirely sure, the Bible doesn't specify. But we do know that God is good and just, and that he's faithful not to forget the good things that we do, according to his grace and in response to his gospel. And so, really, just a wonderful encouragement for all of us to continue to press in, not to grow weary in doing well, knowing that the Lord hears us and sees us and will reward us. Amen.

So, well said. Thanks for that, Adriel. This is Core Christianity with Pastor Adriel Sanchez.

Our phone lines are open right now. If you have a question about the Bible, the Christian life, theology, doctrine, something about your church life that you're wondering about, feel free to call us. Here's the number, it's 833-THE-CORE. That's 1-833-843-2673. You can also email us anytime at questionsatcorechristianity.com.

And here's an email from one of our listeners named Sandy. She says, how should I pray when I broke up with a man who said he was a Christian, but he's only going to church to get back in a relationship with me? When I ask about salvation, he doesn't understand what I'm talking about.

Does this mean his name is not written in the Lamb's Book of Life? Should I keep praying for his salvation? Ah, well, yeah, I would say definitely keep praying. I mean, it sounds to me like you made the right decision. You know, Paul in 1 Corinthians 7 and elsewhere says that if we're going to pursue a serious relationship, and I think as Christians, you know, we don't, that's what it should be, you know, you don't just date around just to date around. You do want to find someone that you can settle down with and marry, and that has to be a Christian. You know, there aren't a lot of requirements that the Bible outlines, but one of them is, you know, as a believer, you're only to marry in the Lord. And so if you're dating somebody as a Christian who isn't a Christian, there, I mean, you just, we shouldn't be doing that.

You shouldn't be doing that. And so I think you made the right decision. I think now the question is, you know, you're wondering, well, how do I pray for this person? And if it's clear that, you know, this guy's, you know, exhibiting no interest in God, maybe was interested in you, but isn't interested in the Lord or really in church, you know, for the sake of growing closer to the Lord, I think one of the ways that you could pray for him is to say, is to say, Lord, help this person to realize that you are his greatest need, that he would pursue a relationship with you, not so that he can date a Christian girl, a Christian woman, but because he recognizes that he is a sinner in need of your grace, because he recognizes that you are the fountain of life, and that there's nothing better than knowing you and walking with you. And so use this, this breakup even, to open his eyes to that, and may God continue to give you strength and wisdom and self-control to continue to make good decisions in line with the teaching of Scripture, and I appreciate you for sending us that email. You know, we often talk about the dangers of missionary dating here on CORE Radio, and that's basically when a person says, you know, I've met this really wonderful guy or girl, and they're, you know, nice, and they're interested in faith stuff, and they want to go to church with me, but they haven't made a commitment to Christ.

And, Adriel, I just wonder, for the singles that are listening today, can you talk about the dangers of that? Well, I mean, certainly it's getting the cart before the horse, right? I mean, there's a reason why Paul says we're free to marry except only in the Lord. I mean, faith in Jesus Christ ought to be the most important thing to us, our relationship with God, and the person that you're with, the person that you intend to spend the rest of your life with, I mean, that's somebody that you want to serve God alongside of, that you want to grow together as a Christian family, raising children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

That requires, I mean, two people. Of course, you know, I mean, I was raised by a single mom who was amazing, but ordinarily speaking, you have two people, two Christians coming together and seeking to honor the Lord, and if you're dating somebody who isn't a believer, who doesn't have that priority, who doesn't understand the importance of the gospel, then you miss out on so much, and it's just, not just that you miss out on a ton, but it's forbidden. I mean, God says, don't do this. And so, of course, I know, you know, somebody's listening right now who says, well, it worked out for me, you know, I dated my boyfriend or girlfriend and they weren't a Christian at the time, but then they came to faith and now they love the Lord, and I mean, I have friends and I know that that happens, but that doesn't give us permission, it's not an excuse to do what God has told us not to do. And so we praise God that God can and does work in all sorts of different circumstances, but that doesn't necessarily justify that approach, especially when the Bible has spoken so clearly about this. And so, yeah, boy, would that we, that faith in the Lord was, for us, the most important thing, and that we saw that as, look, whoever I'm with, this is something that we have to have in common. There's no question about this.

I want to grow together in the Lord with this other person, and if faith is important to me, that's got to be important to them as well. So well said. Thanks for that, Adriel. This is Core Christianity with Pastor Adriel Sanchez. Love to hear from you. If you have a question about the Bible or the Christian life, our phone lines are open for the next 15 minutes or so, so jump on the phone now at 833-THE-CORE.

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Well, we do receive voicemails here at the Core, and here's one that came in from one of our listeners named Joe. If there's a divorce because of infidelity, is the cheater or the offender allowed to remarry, or is it just the one that was cheated on? Thank you.

God bless. It's a great question. You're going to get, you know, different answers depending on who you ask, obviously, in different traditions. Roman Catholic tradition, for example, is going to give, I think, one answer. My view would be, so certainly it seems like Jesus is clear in Matthew 19 that the offended party, the one who's been sinned against there, is free to remarry. They're not guilty. Now, the person who has committed the offense, the person who has been unfaithful in the marriage, does that mean that they're forever stuck with, well, now I just can't be married again? Well, I would say, you know, in a Christian context, I would say if they don't repent, then the answer is certainly yes. I think that there is the possibility for genuine repentance. This person could recognize, like, I have sinned grievously, and there's, I think, a process there of understanding that, of working together with the Church, of having people come alongside of you within the body of Christ, preferably, right, you know, the leadership in your Church that's holding you accountable, and walking the sort of pathway of repentance. And I think that there is the possibility down the line for marriage, again, through repentance, of course, you'd want to be totally transparent about what has taken place, what has happened.

It would need to be obvious, right, that there was genuine repentance there. An excellent little book, by the way, on marriage and divorce in particular, a short book, it's a little technical, so, you know, I mean, but it is getting into the text of Scripture, is a book written by a theologian who's since died named John Murray. The title of the book is Divorce, just Divorce, and it goes through all the biblical texts that have to do with divorce in particular, and at the end of the short book there's a number of case studies and situations, right, thinking about, because this is such a complex issue, that I think are really helpful. So that would be one resource to consult, I think. I think that's a helpful pastoral resource, and again, my view would be if there's genuine repentance and, you know, walking with the Church, transparency, I do think that there is the possibility for marriage again.

Thanks. And of course we always have those situations, too, where a person made a really grievous, sinful decision before they became a Christian, and then later they, you know, accept Christ and they go, oh my gosh, I didn't realize the Bible was, you know, spoke so clearly against this, and then, as you said, the opportunity for true repentance is there. Yeah, yeah, I mean, so that definitely is a thing. I mean, you also have true believers, I mean, like you think of David and the horrible things he did as a follower of Yahweh, and boy, I mean, we haven't talked about this, but the reality is there are consequences to our sinning, and certainly that's something that we see in David's case, and even in situations like this where there's infidelity and divorce, I know that there's so much pain and heaviness and the discipline of the Lord. If we belong to Jesus, right, we're going to be disciplined. It's one of the ways God shows us His love, and so, and so, you know, that's another thing to remember is God working in and through all of that.

So well said. This is Core Christianity with Pastor Adriel Sanchez. Maybe there is a passage of scripture that's always kind of stumped you or confused you, and you want to bring that up? Adriel will be glad to dive into that with you and give you a contextual explanation. You can call us right now at 833-THE-CORE.

That's 1-833-843-2673. Let's go to Jeremy calling in from Iowa. Jeremy, what's your question for Adriel? Yes, hello?

Hey, Jeremy. Yes, I was just wondering what your position would be on this. I go to a Methodist church, and with the recent conference, and they're deciding to allow, like, painting sex marriages and such, if I should stay with the church or not, because my local church, the congregation isn't for it, but they're not going to make the decision to disaffiliate because they're, I guess, old school and they want to stay with their tradition. Would you say, Jeremy, I'm just curious about the leadership of the church. Sounds like the congregation is disappointed with some of the recent decisions in the denomination, but how about the leadership, the pastors and the staff there? Well, the pastor is adamant that they are, you know, they stand on the Bible. My thought is if you're staying with the denomination that's making these decisions, how can you be?

Yeah. Jeremy, thanks for your question. I mean, this is such a challenging issue for many churches, and I don't know how it works in your denomination in particular. I know one of the big issues is when things like this happen, you have more conservative churches in a denomination that's drifting. There's also a question about property, you know, sometimes the denomination owns the building, and so it's like if we leave, if we disaffiliate, are they going to take the building from us? And so there's that question, will we even be able to still preach the gospel, the word of God? So, you know, a lot of times leadership is trying to weigh these different things.

I recognize the concern about compromise. I think that there can be churches that are seeking to be faithful and to sort of stand against the tide of bad theology and evil, you know, morality, the kinds of things that we're seeing in the culture more broadly, and saying, no, you know, we recognize that the denomination is going this way, but we want to make a stand. I think if the leadership is clear on that, and they're saying we want to be faithful to the scriptures, that doesn't necessarily mean that you have to leave.

I would say if they were compromising there, then I would say, well, that's a significant thing. You need to be in a church that is going to uphold the teaching of the Bible across the board, that isn't going to compromise with the culture. But this does mean, you know, staying in a church like that, and for the church to stay affiliated with the denomination, it's just these are the battles that they're going to have to fight, that you're going to be, you know, sucked into. I think one of the challenges for these churches that are seeking to do that is, you know, you want to be focused on reaching the lost, the great commission. You don't want to be focused on, you know, fighting with people within your own denomination. Your denomination should be a source of refuge and support and encouragement and, you know, helping to strategize for the sake of the great commission. And when you have denominations that are departing from the truth of God's word and compromising with the culture in a sinful way, now all of a sudden your denomination doesn't become a source of support, but a source of pain and suffering and frustration. And so, you know, while on the one hand I understand the desire to not see it just slip away totally, and the desire to make a stand and to say, brothers and sisters, friends, this ought not to be, also recognize that, you know, you're in a tough, tough situation. And so I think that, you know, for you, Jeremy, you know, praying about this, continuing to talk to the leadership, thinking about, okay, what is this going to mean for this congregation, for this church? What does it look like for us in terms of how we engage in the community and are engaged in these broader discussions? But the fact of the matter is, all of us as Christians, regardless of the denomination that we're in, do need to take a stand here on the truth of God's word, because there's a temptation for all of us, individually and as organizations, to compromise.

And that's been the case from the very beginning. You look at Jesus's letters to the seven churches in Revelation chapters 2 and 3, and one of the areas where they were tempted to compromise was in the area of sexual sin and, you know, cultural idolatry. And so this is where we need to say, Lord, help us, help us to be faithful to your word, one, in the truth of what your word says about humanity, about sexuality and so forth, but two, to be faithful to love our neighbors and to pursue the lost, even the lost who disagree with us on this. So it's not like, you know, we're at war with the culture, it's, you know, God help us to be faithful to your word and to engage the culture with the truth of your gospel, because Jesus came to seek and save the lost. And that's the balance that the church needs to have in order to be faithful today. That is so well said, Adriel, and I know you and I have talked about this before, it breaks our heart when so many of these major denominations have left, in our opinion, left a biblical orthodoxy and are compromising on what, you know, God's word clearly says, and they somehow find ways to justify it or teach, you know, this so-called gay theology, and it's really just concerning.

Yeah, well, and again, it's not new. I mean, you can go back to Revelation 2 and 3 and see there the church tempted to compromise with cultural idolatry and sexual immorality, and so, you know, sometimes we can feel like, oh boy, it's never been like this before, or like, you know, we're facing something that nobody else has faced. The church has always faced pressures, and we're called to cling to the Lord and to trust in Him and to follow Him as we experience that fiery trial, as Peter calls it, while simultaneously, as I said, not just turning our back on the world, but really pursuing the lost, and God help us do that, especially in our polarized society, where it's just like, well, you guys do your thing, we're going to be over here protecting ourselves. No, the church is this missionary body that is seeking to engage the lost with the grace and compassion of Christ without compromise, and so again, God help us.

So well said. This is Core Christianity with Pastor Adrian Sanchez. If you have a question about the Bible or the Christian life, you can always leave us a voicemail. Here's our phone number. It's 833-THE-CORE.

That's 1-833-843-2673. Got this email from Amber, and she said, I'm so confused by all the denominations and all the different opinions, and all the different opinions. I think almost every denomination will say they rely on the Spirit for guidance, yet everyone has different beliefs.

It's causing me mental and physical health problems. Can I just step away from everything except my Bible and read through the whole Bible before choosing a church so I can find out what I believe without being influenced? Such a heavy burden, and it is, you know, boy, you think of Jesus' prayer in John 17, his high priestly prayer. One of the things he prays for is the unity of the church.

So we look at the divisions out there. It is super disheartening, and of course, so you know, people say, if the Bible's so clear, why do we have so many divisions? And the issue is not the clarity of Scripture.

The Bible is clear. You know, throughout God's Word, His Word is identified as light. It illuminates.

It gives light to our path. It does help us to see things more clearly. The issue is our own blindness and sin. It's not a problem with God's Word.

It's a problem with our eyes and ears and hearts. And so that's one of the reasons why you don't want to do everything in isolation, because as individuals even, we're corrupt. We need the body of Christ. We need the church and faithful Bible teachers. And so I think, you know, what you do want to look for is, I mean, continue to study the Word and continue to pray for the unity of the church, but don't wait to get plugged into a solid church. And by a solid church, I mean a church that does have a high view of Scripture, where the Word of God is being taught. If this is the Word of God, and it is, this is the Word of God, then you should be hearing sermons, preaching from the Scriptures week in and week out, exposited so that you can continue to grow in your faith. And so I would say get plugged into a church and continue to grow and trust that the Lord is guiding you by the grace of His Spirit into a deeper understanding of what His Word says. And may the Lord bless you and be with you and encourage you in your faith.

Thanks. Thanks for listening to Core Christianity. To request your copy of today's special offer, go to corechristianity.com forward slash radio, or you can call us at 1-833-843-2673. That's 833-THE-CORE. When you contact us, let us know how we can be praying for you. And be sure to join us next time as we explore the truth of God's Word together.