Are Christian Marriages Always Supposed to Be Exciting?

Are Christian marriages always supposed to be exciting? That's just one of the questions we'll be answering on today's edition of CORE Christianity. Hi, it's Bill Meyer with Pastor Adriel Sanchez, and this is the radio program where we answer your questions about the Bible and the Christian life every day.

You can also post your question on one of our social media sites, and you can always email us your question at questionsatcorechristianity.com. Before we start off with questions today, Adriel, I want to mention a really nice email we received from one of our listeners named Johanna. She said, A recent caller asked a question about heaven and relationships and marriage and love and sexuality in light of heaven. God called my beloved husband home four years ago. Two years now into widowhood, I was deeply troubled that I didn't matter to David anymore, that he didn't remember me or love me in heaven. Your answer strengthened wisdom I'd been told about heaven and reinforced my understanding of the perfection and bliss of heaven.

Thank you. Well, dear sister, one, I'm sure if you're still heartbroken over such a loss, and that's why we do what we do here on this broadcast is so that through a deeper understanding, a more clear understanding of the Bible, people can have hope and encouragement, and so grateful to hear that that answer in particular encouraged you in your relationship with the Lord and gave you that hope that your loved one, your husband, is with Jesus, enjoying the bliss of heaven, and in that fullness of knowledge that God gives us, that Paul referred to in 1 Corinthians 13, you know, being in the presence of the Lord. And so Johanna, may God bless you and be with you. Amen.

This is Core Christianity. We'd love to hear from you. If you have a question about the Bible or the Christian life, you can always email us at questions at corechristianity.com. Let's go to Steve calling in from Nashville. Steve, what's your question for Adriel?

Yes, hey there. I am working on a graduate degree in theology, and I'm finding myself leaning more towards Reformed theology, but yet the church I attend seems to be very Arminian. I'm wondering if I should be vocal about it, if I should change churches, just maybe a little bit of advice.

Thank you. Steve, thank you for that question. Look, speaking as a pastor, and as a pastor who is, I'm a Presbyterian minister, you know, on this broadcast we focus on sort of more broad, you know, core tenets of the Christian faith that most all Christians could and should agree with, but I have strong views on a lot of these other issues, but also just speaking as a pastor, I think I want to encourage you as a member in the church who, okay, there's some differences now that you're starting to feel, and when you say be vocal about it, I think that there's a Christian and godly way to be vocal about those differences, and I think that there's just a way that's unhelpful and divisive, and even if you're right or if you feel like you're right, you can be, you can lack charity, you can stir up, you know, the nest in a way that's just not, I think, honoring to the Lord, and so I think as you have these questions, you know, you're studying the Bible, you're doing a graduate degree in theology, you're growing deeper and deeper in certain convictions that you realize are different than what the leadership at your church believes, I would say first, not going around to your Bible study group or all the people in the church and saying, well, you know, let me whisper to you about this theology, the pastor's not going to like this. No, don't do that. It's not helpful. It's not encouraging to pastors when members do that, when members of the church, you know, well, I don't want to talk to pastor about this because I know his views, but I will talk to all the other people in the church. It's like, don't do that.

Look, yeah, you should read this here. Don't just be honest. If there really is a significant difference, then talk to your pastor, talk to your elders. If it's like a megachurch, right, where you just can't get a hold of the pastor, well, then maybe, you know, maybe, maybe that raises other questions. You know, you want to be, I think, in a church where you do have that ability to connect with the leadership there and they can care for your soul.

But I would say talk to them first, and, you know, there are big differences here. I think you want to be in a church where you're not, every time the sermon, you know, every time you're listening to the sermon, you're not just like listening to it critically, like, oh, I don't believe that, I don't believe that. It just makes it really hard for you to actually ever be able to receive from the ministry of the word. So you need to be in a place where, one, you respect the pastor and the theology that's taught there, and you're able to learn, and we have to be careful that we don't put ourselves in positions where it's just like, you know, I'm this watchdog and I'm trying to spread my own views.

Even if I would agree with you, you know, with those views, Steve, I would just say, you know, there's a healthy way to go about this. And so talking to the leadership, and if it is something where it's like, man, our differences are so great, would you guys consider sending me to another church or would I want to transfer my membership? I don't, I'm not trying to create an exodus or create a stir.

There's nothing godly about that. Even if you're right, you don't want to be divisive, and you don't want to, you know, be sort of undercover, you know, spreading this theology or these ideas that you know the leadership in the church doesn't agree with. So I think that Christian love, Christian charity says, you got to be, you got to handle this the right way. Now, if it's something where it's like the church is just teaching straight up heresy, well then, yeah, for sure you need to get out of there, you know, quickly. But again, it sounds like here, you know, these are real brothers in Christ who differ with you on some important issues, and so you need to be candid about that and seek to honor the Lord in this transition out. Or if you're going to stay, you need to be able to submit to the leadership there and to be willing to listen and to learn, and if you can't learn from their teaching, then it's just not the right place to be. You know, one of the real struggles that we didn't address, which I think we need to, is the fact that you, if you have strong relationships within the body of Christ, you know, you've got a small group or you teach Sunday school or you're on the worship team, you've just got really good friends there, but sometimes there comes a point where you realize, as you grow, that maybe the theology of the church is not what you agree with, or in some cases may even be off in some way, you've got to make the decision to leave that community.

That's hard. Yeah, yeah, it's super hard, and I've been in that situation where it's like, okay, my theology is changing, I don't see myself doing ministry in this context long term, but I love the people here, and so for me, you know, I had a conversation with, this is years ago, this wasn't last week, but I had a conversation with my pastor at the time as I was preparing for ministry, and let me just say, there were a lot of tears from both of us, because we loved each other, and it was like, okay, you know, I know you're a believer, you know, we agree, we just differ on this, and we're not going to compromise, but we know that the Kingdom of God is bigger than just my view in particular here, and so they were so gracious, they ended up sending me and my wife at the time, not that I have a new wife now, but just me and my wife, they ended up sending us to another church, and we had a big old party and we celebrated, but let me just say, there were a lot of tears, but you know, that's how it should be, really, because you want to love the people in your church, you might differ with certain things, but you just want to love them, and I praise God that it wasn't one of those situations where it's like we were leaving and it was just like, oh, thank God they're gone, you know, it wasn't that at all, it was like, and we love each other, and that's how we should be in the church. And that's how it should always be, it doesn't always end up that way, but our prayer is for him, for Steve, if that comes to that point, you'll have that freedom and express that charity, as will the leadership of your church. This is Core Christianity with Pastor Adriel Sanchez. If you have a question about the Bible or the Christian life, you can leave us a voicemail, 24 hours a day at 833-THE-CORE, that's 1-833-843-2673.

Let's go to Steve calling in from Iowa. Steve, what's your question for Adriel? Yeah, I just want to know, how do you know if you're saved? Sometimes I have doubts, and is that like a double-minded person, if you doubt being saved? How do you know you're really saved?

Okay. Well, Steve, I know that this is a struggle for many believers, and it's one that I had for years as well, assurance of salvation. Especially if you have a sensitive conscience, and you think, boy, that thought I just had, or I'm still struggling with this pattern of sin. And the temptation is for us to look kind of within and say, well, I feel saved, or I can see how obedient that I am, and that's how I know I'm saved.

That's not what I would point you to. I think that there is something to the fact that those who are saved do grow in grace and bear fruit, but the reality is, none of us, none of those who are Christians, I think, can say, I serve the Lord just like I know I love God perfectly. We can't say that. All of us, we still feel that sin weighing upon us, indwelling sin. And so we have to sink our teeth into the promise of the gospel, that it's real, that it's for sinners. And if you believe in Jesus, if you're trusting in him, that that promise is for you. This is why John can say in 1 John 5, verse 13, I write these things to you who believe in the name of the Son of God, that you may know that you have eternal life. So the big question one is, do you trust in Jesus Christ?

And by trust, I don't mean, yeah, I agree that he existed. No, that's not saving faith. Saving faith is, one, you recognize, I can't save myself. I'm not trusting in myself and my good works. I'm looking away from myself, because what I bring to the table is my sin, and I'm looking up to the gospel, to Jesus, and he's my hope.

He's the one I'm trusting in. I love the picture that we get in the gospels. I think it's in Mark, what is it, Mark chapter 4 or 5, with the woman who has this flow of blood.

She's been sick like this for 12 or 14 years or something like that. She's gotten all these physicians, nobody can help her, and she thinks, if I can just lay hold of Jesus's robe, I'll be made clean. And I think it's one of the best illustrations of faith in the Bible. And she sort of weasels her way through the crowd, and she grabs onto his robe, and it says that immediately she was healed. And Jesus stops and he says, you know, who touched me? And the disciples who were with Jesus are, you know, what are they saying? They're saying, what do you mean, who touched you?

We're all rubbing shoulders here. And it's not saving faith just to be in the proximity of church and Jesus. It's grabbing a hold of him by faith. It's my unclean hand, like this woman had her unclean hand, laying hold of the righteous robe of Jesus, saying, you're my only hope. I know I'm a sinner, I've tried everything, I can't heal myself, I can't cleanse myself, but you're my hope.

What did she bring to the table? I mean, just an empty hand, her need, her desperation. And when we come to Jesus like that, when we're trusting in him, when we lay hold of him by faith, John says, I'm writing these things so that you might know you have eternal life. And assurance of salvation isn't the same thing as being saved, especially when we're struggling with sin. Sometimes we don't feel that sense of assurance.

There's conviction, we feel weighed down. But that doesn't mean, struggling with assurance doesn't mean that you're not saved. I think what you need to continue to do is focus on the promises of God to you, Steve, and make sure, you know, I don't know, what's the root cause of this?

Sometimes it's just a really sensitive conscience, sometimes it's, I know I'm doing things, I have this pattern of behavior that I know is wrong, and I'm holding on to it. Well, in that situation, I would say, repent. Bring that to the Lord, confess your sins to him. And again, remember his promise, the promise earlier in 1 John that if we confess our sins, he's faithful and just to forgive us and to cleanse us. Get plugged into a good church, seek to love and serve the Lord. That's not what saves you. But having been saved, this is what God calls you to.

And as we live in that, I think our assurance grows, and we have more confidence. And so I appreciate your question, Steve. May the Lord be with you and bless you and give you hope even as you reach out to lay hold of that righteous robe of Jesus, unclean as you may feel, knowing that he's your only hope. God bless.

Amen. This is Core Christianity with Pastor Adriel Sanchez. This is graduation time for many families in America. Maybe you have a graduate in your home or a student who's maybe looking towards their senior year. One of the things we've talked about in this program is our concern that a large number of Christian young people, when they leave their parents' home, also leave the faith. And we have a resource that we believe will help prepare a young person for what they're facing once they leave their home, once they head off to college or the working world or the military. And it's a wonderful resource that's free to you, and you can find it at our website. Yeah, so the resource is called How to Keep Your Faith After High School. And it's, I think, a wonderful booklet that's written for, especially young adults getting ready to go off to college, to equip them.

I mean, one of the things we're seeing is that people just aren't equipped to deal with some of the challenges that they're going to face in college or as they just leave their parents' home. And so really understanding those foundational truths that are key, I think, to being kept, to continuing to grow in grace, you know, that's what this book will do. So get ahold of this resource and a bill. You have the details on that.

Again, it's called How to Keep Your Faith After High School. You can find that. Again, it's free.

It's free download. You can find it at corechristianity.com forward slash offers. Again, corechristianity.com forward slash offers. Well, we do receive voicemails here at the Core, and you can call us anytime, seven days a week.

Leave your question for us on our voicemail system. Here's one that came in from one of our listeners named Sarah. How do you keep conversation stimulating for your spouse at all times?

And how can you provide it even in downtime? If that is the most important thing for them, is that healthy? Thank you. I mean, that seems like a lot of pressure, Bill, wouldn't you say, in terms of keeping conversation stimulating at all times? I do think in terms of our communication in marriage, we need to be intentional.

I was thinking about, you know, what are good questions that we can ask? What are ways for me to continue to invest in this relationship and say, okay, hey, honey, you know, how are you feeling about this or that? You know, how can I help in this area? Or, you know, talking about things that they're interested in, right? I mean, I know that that's an area where a lot of people struggle.

It's just like, well, I'm not interested in that, and you're not interested in what I'm interested in. But certainly, hopefully, within a Christian marriage, we should both be interested in the things of the Lord. And maybe that's not the case, but even still, I think as you're looking to cultivate healthy communication, that takes work.

It's not always just, oh, it just happens naturally. Sometimes you really do have to think about, okay, we need to press into this, and I need to do a good job of asking certain questions. My spouse needs to do a good job of asking certain questions. But I think if what you're hoping for is, or if what your spouse is saying, you know, this is what it needs to be, we just need to have stimulating conversations all the time. And that should be, that's just normal. That's not, I don't know, Bill, if that's normal.

It's not normal for us. I mean, I have good conversations with my wife, but then sometimes it's just like, huh, what'd you say? And I know I'm very boring, so my wife's not getting that much stimulating conversation.

Yeah, yeah. I think probably another thing, too, just not that I've got all the wisdom on this, but doing fun things together, you know, that stimulates conversation. Maybe that's taking a walk.

Maybe that's going to the beach if you live in Southern California or the mountains, you know, if you live somewhere else. But doing things together, you know, those are all ways to think about, okay, how can we be engaged with each other? And again, let me just say, marriage, you know, if you think that marriage is one of those things where it's like, naturally, it just is super easy.

I mean, that's not to say that for some people, and I feel this way, like, man, we're blessed. I love being married. My wife and I have a wonderful relationship. We have great conversations. But even there, it's not like every conversation is this stimulating conversation. It doesn't have to be.

This is not normal life. Sometimes you talk about what you're getting at Costco. That's actually pretty stimulating to me.

I love Costco. But, you know, it's interesting to think about this in the context of a relationship with the Lord, too, because a lot of people are looking for that constant spiritual stimulation, like, my Christian life, if it's healthy, I used to be on fire for Jesus. I used to be on fire for Jesus, and now, you know, I just, I'm not as stimulated. And they, you know, they feel like they, you know, it's the ordinary Christian life is this blazing fire 24-7.

Well, that burns out pretty quickly. It's actually more the case that you're maturing in your faith, just like you mature in your marriage, and you grow together, and that brings new horizons, new questions, new maturity, and that's good. And by the way, a great read on this, and I've recommended this on the broadcast before, is C.S. Lewis's chapter in Mere Christianity on Christian Marriage, because he says, look, don't chase that feeling. Don't chase that feeling of, you know, first love. So many people, they chase after that, they have it for a while, and then it goes away, and they think, okay, this isn't working anymore, I need to find somebody else, and then they get it for a second, and then same thing, it's this terrible process.

They never allow themselves to mature in love. And so I would recommend maybe getting ahold of Mere Christianity on Kindle, or find it online for, you know, they're cheap, and reading that chapter on Christian marriage is excellent, and may God bless you as you seek to have a healthy and God-honoring marriage. You know, one other thing I was thinking of is we have different personality types.

It could be that in her case, Sarah is more of an introvert, her husband is more of an extrovert. He likes lots of conversation. But, you know, Sarah, the other thing I would say to you is your husband needs to make some male friends that's outside the relationship. He's expecting all of his needs to be met by you.

That's unrealistic. Your friendship, of course, his first relationship to be with God, and then with you, but then after that, finding some male friends that he can hang out with, have conversations with, do activities with, join a bowling league, for crying out loud. I mean, there's lots of opportunities there. Yes. Now, the other side of that, which I think, and I've seen this before, where it's like, male friends are my excuse to avoid my wife. Oh, yeah. Bad news, too, there. So, yeah, there's something about having healthy relationships, and you can't view your spouse as, like, you have to be the source of everything for me.

There's a kind of subtle idolatry there. I think there's also a problem with, like, eh, you know, wife, kids, you know. I'm going off to the guys. Yeah, exactly, exactly.

Fishing trip for two weeks, yeah. No, you need to be invested in your family and in your wife and intentional about pursuing her. That's what Jesus does with his bride. And so, good words, Bill.

Oh, this is core Christianity. The marriage show. The marriage and advice show.

Oh, gosh. Call us with all questions other than marriage. We're happy to weigh in on marriage.

We both love our spouses dearly, even though I'm boring at times to my wife. All right, let's go back to the phones. We have, let's see, Scott on the line from Oklahoma. Scott, what's your question for Adriel? Hey, Scott.

Hi, how you doing? I had a question about angels and demons. Okay. In Hebrews 13, 2, it talks about angels operating in the physical realm sometimes, and then the spiritual realm would be like Ephesians 6, and especially 6, 12, passages like that. So, Hebrews 13, 2, and Ephesians 6 for the first question about angels. And it brings to mind things like when me and my sister were young, and we were at the beach and got pulled into a rip current tide, a rip current at the beach, and there were two guys who showed up mysteriously out of nowhere, and they got us quickly out of the water, brought us up to a hill on the beach, and my mom couldn't stop praising them for saving me and my sister like they did. And then the guy who was more on the leadership side said, we've got to go, we've got to go now. And then my mom and me and my sister talked about what happened, a moment or so, and then we looked again, and then we were on a hill at the beach, and we were like, where did they go?

We didn't see them anywhere, and they vanished as mysteriously as they came. Well, that's an amazing story. And Bill, we were just talking about our wives, and the first time I saw my wife, I thought, this is a visitation. This is an angelic. I was so grateful to discover that she was a real human being.

At the college coffee shop. What do angels do? Hebrews 1, verse 14, Are they not all ministering spirits sent out to serve for the sake of those who are to inherit in salvation? The text you brought up in Hebrews 13 is probably alluding to some of those scenes in Genesis, Abraham entertaining his angelic guests. I think that's what's being alluded to there. But angels, you know, just to say, angels are very active in the world today. We often miss it or aren't aware, but the Bible says that they are very active, sent out in particular to serve for the sake of those who are to inherit salvation. What a gift that God is for us, and that often he uses his angels, his messengers, to help accomplish his purposes even in our lives.

Maybe that's what happened with you, Scott. Hey, God bless, and have a wonderful, wonderful day. Thanks for listening to CORE Christianity. To request your copy of today's special offer, go to corechristianity.com forward slash radio, or you can call us at 1-833-843-2673. That's 833-THE-CORE. When you contact us, let us know how we can be praying for you. And be sure to join us next time as we explore the truth of God's word together.