My Husband Is a Pothead. What Should I Do?

My husband is a pothead.

What should I do? That's just one of the questions we'll be answering on today's edition of Core Christianity. Well, hi, it's Bill Meyer along with Pastor Adriel Sanchez, and this is the radio program where we answer your questions about the Bible and the Christian life every day. Our phone lines are open and you can call us right now for the next 25 minutes. Here's the number. It's 833-THE-CORE.

That's 1-833-843-2673. Now, you can also post your question on our social media sites. We're on Instagram and Facebook, and we even have a YouTube channel. You can watch Adriel live in the studio every day at 1130 a.m. Pacific time. See what he's up to in there with his great big Bible as he flips through the pages. And, of course, you can always email us as well.

Here's our email address. It's questionsatcorechristianity.com. First up today, let's go to a voicemail from one of our listeners.

This is Katia. Someone at church asked if you should read the Bible and or pray with someone you're dating, and the answer he had was no, because it could lead to inappropriate intimacy before marriage. I disagree, but was wondering what your thoughts are as a pastor.

Hey, Katia, thank you so much for that question. It's sort of like, I don't know if you guys have ever heard this, but you know, it's like, well, don't dance. You know, as Christians, we don't dance because you know what dancing can lead to. And here, it's don't read the Bible and pray together because you know what that could lead to. And so your question, right, it sounds to me, Katia, like you were maybe talking with someone in your church or a pastor, and you're in a dating relationship or you're thinking about dating relationships, and you're wondering, is it appropriate or okay for two Christians who are dating to read the Bible together and to pray together?

And the response was, well, you know, no, because that could turn into something else. That could turn into sexual immorality. First, certainly, it's not like there's a Bible verse that says, you know, you're not supposed to do this. I mean, I think of all the things that you want to understand about a person that you're dating, especially if you're dating the right way with the intent of getting married, you want to know this person loves God and is committed to the Lord. They love God's word. Now, I think a lot of that is understood in the context of Christian community. So hopefully this person that you're dating is someone who goes to church. I think fundamentally, you know, you want to go and be with someone who's committed to the local church.

And by the way, let me just say, because I know that there are a lot of people who, you know, they found someone, oh, this is, she's so beautiful, he's so handsome, and they're just so wonderful that, man, they really like me. Oh, well, did they go to church? And the answer is, well, they're open to it. They used to go to church, you know, when they were four or five.

They haven't been in a while. I would just say, okay, hold your horses. This needs to be a priority. This needs to be a priority for them and for you is to be plugged into the local church.

And so I think a lot of that can be learned in the context of community. This person really loves God. They're really committed to the Word.

They're really committed to prayer. And I don't think there's anything wrong at all with reading the Bible, you know, praying together, praying, you know, about, you know, whatever challenges or needs there are. If it's a situation where it's like, you know, we get together and we're spending all this time together alone and, you know, we say we're going to read the Bible and, yeah, we do a little bit of that, but we're doing other things too that we know are not honoring to the Lord. Well, I think you need to just be wise in that situation and say, okay, are we really coming together to read the Bible and to pray or is that our excuse so that we can come together and do other things that we probably shouldn't be doing because we're not married? And so, again, I think here you want to exercise wisdom, but certainly I would say this is one of the main things that you want to know about this person that you're dating is that they love God and they love His Word. That doesn't mean that you need to, you know, have all your Bible time together. I think it's important for you to cultivate your relationship with God individually as well, but if there are times where you guys do pray with each other or even do study the Word of God together, also, you know, good idea to bring other people into that, maybe starting a small Bible study, that would be cool, but there's nothing in the Bible that would prohibit that, I would say, and so you need to exercise wisdom and appreciate you giving us a call.

God bless you. I'm so glad you mentioned that whole concept of missionary dating because I was an older single when I got married and I had several female friends who did exactly what you said not to do. They met Mr.

Wonderful, Prince Charming. Yeah, well, he's open to it. He's open to going to church with me. He's open to learning more about God, and I can tell you, honestly, in several of those cases, they went on to get married and then divorced because the man actually had no intent.

What he was interested in was the woman, not God. Yeah, you don't want to be the thing that this person wants more, you know, like, oh, I'm willing to add Jesus to my life, sure, so long as I get you. All the priorities there are all wrong, and so you want to know that this person loves God and that they love God even more than they love you.

That's key. That's what we should be looking for in the person that we're wanting to be with. That was one of the things that I loved about my wife is I knew, you know, when we were dating, even before we were dating, I knew, okay, this woman loves Jesus and wants to serve Jesus, and that's what I want to do as well, and so we're on the same page there. Plus, she's beautiful and funny and all those other things, so you want to find someone who's going to put the Lord before you and who wants to honor the Lord with their life, and don't compromise there, because it can lead to a lot of pain. That is so well said, and I'm hoping that those who are single Christians will take what you just said to heart, because it is so, so important, not just spiritually, but also just as far as their emotional health and, you know, having a long-lasting successful marriage. This is Core Christianity with Pastor Adriel Sanchez.

Let's go to an email from one of our listeners. This actually came in from Les in Arkansas. Les says this, we've been unable to re-establish a relationship with our older daughter, even though we have tried really hard.

My wife and I have been married for 42 years and have 12 grown children. My question is this, should a parent ever disinherit a rebellious child? Les, I, and I'm so sorry to hear about this situation. I don't think this talk of disinheriting, no, I don't think that that's what you should do. I don't think you should give up on your older daughter, your oldest daughter, either. I think you want to continue to pray.

I mean, this is just, sounds like a really, really heartbreaking situation, but continue to pray for her and to plead with the Lord that God might bring healing in this situation. And of course, you know, I don't know what was the cause of the rift in the relationship. I think it's something for us as parents, we always want to say, okay, God, have I sinned in some way? Is there an area where I need to repent and I need to confess my own failures as a father or as a mother?

I don't know. I mean, that's something, that's a question that you have to ask yourself, but I don't think that the right answer is, well, we've been trying for so long, she's just not interested, I disinherit you, that kind of a thing. No, consider the long suffering of God, how kind he is, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love, that even after we've wandered for many days and many years, he still reaches out his hands to us, calling us home, and so you want to have those open arms for your daughter and pray for her, pray for her well-being, pray that the blinders, whatever it is that's keeping her from Jesus and from the family, that God would remove those and that he would bring true healing. And so let's pray for Les right now and just ask for his family's well-being and for God's mercy to be poured out on his daughter. Father, we lift up Les to you, and God, we pray for healing in this family. Lord, not sure what the situation is, God, but you know everything, you know this daughter, what she's experiencing, what she's feeling, you know her rebellion. So God, I pray that you'd be merciful to her.

I pray that you would draw her back to you and that there might be, Lord, true repentance, true forgiveness, true healing, that that which is broken, Lord, might be mended again by the power of your spirit, we pray in Jesus' name. Amen. Amen. We'll be praying for you and your family, Les. A very difficult situation, we know. This is Core Christianity with Pastor Adriel Sanchez.

Love to hear from you. If you have a question about the Bible or the Christian life, here's our phone number. It's 833-THE-CORE.

That's 1-833-843-2673. You can also email us your question at questions-at-core-christianity.com. Let's go to John in St. Louis. John, what's your question for Adriel?

Yeah, I really got your guy's shoulder. I like his question. Why is there so much sexual sin in this America? Fornication, adultery, homosexuality, and all this other stuff that is occurring, and compared to other countries, and why is it more tolerated now? And what is God's judgment on these particular sins, like adultery, fornication, and are we in the same path as way like Sodom and Gomorrah and those other countries are just, you know, they're restored?

All right, thanks. Hey, so a couple of questions. First you asked, you know, why is it the way that it is right now when we think about the sexual perversion and confusion with regard to all sorts of things, including gender, you know, being a man and a woman? And I think that the best book recently written on this was done by historian Carl Truman. He has a more sort of beefy academic work that traces essentially how we got to where we are in terms of thinking about the self and sexuality. It's called The Rise and Triumph of the Modern Self. He has a more, I think, popular version of that book. It's shorter. It's not as much of the background history, and that's called the more academic one, The Rise and Triumph of the Modern Self.

The other one is called, I think, Strange New World, and that's by Carl Truman, and I think that does a good job of tracing how we got to where we are. I can't go through all of that right now, but let me just say, one of the things that's helpful about understanding that is, I think, a lot of times people look around them today and they're just overwhelmed. How did this happen? You know, how did we get here? And they're overwhelmed.

They're terrified. And so sometimes knowledge is key, and having an understanding of why people think the way that they do can be really helpful, especially as far as it relates to being able to have thoughtful conversations with people outside of the church who believe these things, who have embraced, you know, the broader cultural sexual ethic or view of gender and sexuality to understand why it is that they think the way that they do, and to be able to have, again, a thoughtful conversation and to share the love of Christ and the gospel ultimately, but to peel back some of the layers of that onion. And then with regard to, you know, judgment, the judgment of God that comes upon sexual immorality, that's really clear.

Peter talks about that in 2 Peter. One of the things that Sodom and Gomorrah teaches us is that God, one, He's merciful, right? You think of, like, the restraint that the Lord promised to show God with mercy to Lot, but also that sin does call down God's justice, God's judgment, and God has been very merciful to us and to this nation, but we are called to follow Him and to turn from our sins.

And so that's a real thing. We need to be faithful to the Word of God, to proclaiming the Word of God, and for each of us seeking to live in light of that Word, not just calling other people to follow it, but to follow it ourselves. God, help us to honor You, to live lives of purity and faithfulness to Your Word. So, John, thank you for your question, and God bless.

Really good word, Adriel, and so important for us as believers not to, you know, be the ones that are casting stones outside of the church and to really take stock of our own lives, as you said, and live lives of moral purity that are righteous before God, so I really love what you said. This is Core Christianity with Pastor Adriel Sanchez, and we want to tell you about a free offer that we have for you. It's a wonderful little resource called The Five Names of God You Should Know.

Yeah, the great thing about this is you can download it immediately, I think, right? Just go straight to the website, corechristianity.com forward slash offers, and it's a digital copy. Again, it's called Five Names of God You Should Know, and it unpacks a handful of those names of God that we find in the Bible that teach us something about who the Lord is and how He relates to His people, and so get a hold of this free resource. You can find it at corechristianity.com forward slash offers. Again, that's corechristianity.com forward slash offers, and one word of reminder, we are a listener-supported ministry here at Core Christianity. We don't get money from a big church or denomination.

We don't play commercials. We actually count on people just like you to make regular gifts to keep this program on the air, so if you're one of our regular listeners and you believe in what we do, we'd encourage you to make a gift at corechristianity.com or even join our inner core. Well, we do receive voicemails here at Core Christianity, and here's one that came in from one of our listeners.

This is Melissa in Tennessee. My husband uses THC. It's legal in Tennessee now, and I didn't know when we got married that he was a pothead. He hid that from me, and I've brought up that I don't think it's glorifying to God to get stoned because he gets very, very stoned and sometimes to the point of doing it before church. He says either he doesn't have conviction for it or he says that he'll stop, but he never does. He ends up just using it almost every day, and he won't go to therapy. Honestly, I can't stand to be around him, and it's just so frustrating because I'm trying to be a good godly wife and pray for him every day about this, but it just doesn't seem like my prayers were getting anywhere. I just don't know what to do.

I'm really just at my wit's end with him. This has been going on for a long time. Thank you. Father, be with our sister and grant her your grace and wisdom. Give her courage to continue to confront her husband on this, Lord, but to do so, Lord, not in a sinful anger, Lord, but with a holy jealousy, Lord, and care for him and for his well-being and for their marriage.

Pray that you would be with her, Lord, and that you would be with this man, that you would grant him that conviction of your Holy Spirit, that he would turn from this, we pray, in Jesus' name. Amen. Amen. I got two things I want to say, one to you, Melissa, and one thing that I would want to say to your husband. I'm not sure if he's going to hear this, but first to you. I think of Peter's words in 1 Peter 3. Wives, be subject to your own husbands so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives when they see your respectful and pure conduct.

My encouragement to you is continue to be respectful and pure and seek to honor the Lord. You're praying for him, great. Now, Peter says here, you know, without a word, I don't think that that means you shouldn't or don't need to bring this up to him. I mean, he knows. Maybe it's not something where you have to bring it up every single time. He knows already, but you do want to continue to encourage him, and it's a it's a sad situation when we won't listen to each other, we won't hear each other, right? There's an issue there with, you know, gosh, we want to love our spouse enough to hear them when we're doing something that hurts them or frustrates them.

It sounds to me like there's a real abuse here, and I know there's a debate about, well, you know, marijuana is legal now in all these places. What does that mean? Does that mean it's a Christian liberty thing? Well, here's what I will say to him, what I would say to him. Rather, it doesn't matter if you don't feel conviction. Sometimes, you know, the reason we don't feel conviction about something is not because we shouldn't be convicted, it's because our conscience is so seared and we're so numb to the Holy Spirit because we've turned away, we're not willing to listen, or we haven't been willing to listen. That doesn't mean that it's hopeless, but it does mean that, look, you may not feel conviction about this, I think I'm okay, you know, I do it every day, it doesn't seem like God is upset with that, but let me just tell you what you're doing and the way you're doing it is wrong. It's not honoring to the Lord, it's not loving your wife, it's not pleasing to God, and you need to repent.

I think of what Peter said in Ephesians 5 verse 15, look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time because the days are evil. Therefore, do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is, and do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit, addressing one another in Psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart, giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. And here, even there, I think you could say, look, my wife has asked me to do something, and what she's asking you to do is good, like for your own sake and right, and you can't be the husband that you need to be or the Christian that you're called to be if you're getting stoned every single day, and maybe even, you know, before church and what, I mean, it's just outrageous, and I don't care that you don't feel convicted. I hope that the Lord convicts you, you know, not condemns you, but that His Spirit convicts you, and that you see that you have a wife who loves you and wants to have a strong relationship with you, and that this is something that's getting in the way of that, and that God calls you not to be under the influence of wine, or I think you could insert here marijuana, right, that's what the text is saying.

Don't be drunk or under the influence of, don't let that control you, but be under the influence of the Holy Spirit as the word of Christ dwells in you richly. That's what you need, and so I encourage you to maybe, you know, get the help that you need. Your wife mentioned, you know, maybe some therapy or some support there, but first and foremost, to confess this to the Lord and to go to Him and say, Jesus, help. Help, because I have this pattern that I've created in my life. I don't even feel conviction about this anymore, and I'm not walking in the way that I should be.

I've been foolish. Help me, Lord. Forgive me, and set me on the right path, and I believe that Jesus hears that prayer and is for you and for the good of your marriage and will help you. Hope you're also in a good church, you need that solid church community, and you need to be engaged in the life of the church.

You can't be engaged, rightly, in the life of the church and in the worship of the church if you're going to church high, so repent of that and love your wife love your wife like God calls you to as a man. Thanks for calling us, Melissa. May the Lord be with you, and may God bring healing here as well. Tough situation, and Melissa, as Adriel said, we will be praying for you in that situation, and we pray that you'll be able to take some of that advice and find it helpful. This is Core Christianity with Pastor Adriel Sanchez.

Let's go to Jennifer calling in from Missouri. Jennifer, what's your question for Adriel? Hi, so I have a 24 year old son, and he was raised in Christian values, and he recently met this young lady, and they've really hit it off, and we've we really have embraced her in our family. She's just very encouraging and great by his side. The only thing is is that she is of Muslim faith, and I'm really struggling with this because they don't view Jesus in the same way that we do as Christians, and so I don't, I'm struggling a little bit with how to navigate that. I pray for both of them. I pray for him to just get stronger because he's really not a practicing Christian, and I pray just for her eyes to be opened to Jesus, but I just, I don't know what else to do other than pray about that because they are, you know, they're still young.

They're not looking at getting married anytime soon, but they have been together now for almost two years. Let's pray for Jennifer's son, Father B, with Jennifer's oldest son, that he would, maybe through these circumstances, really begin to ask those questions about faith, the importance of faith. Thank you for his mother who prays for him and wants to see him love you, Lord. Well, God, would you please work in his life, and would you even work in this young woman's life as well, that she would see the godly testimony of this mother, and that she would hear the gospel, and, Lord, that you would be at work in her too, so please be with our sister, grant her wisdom, and please turn all of this out, Lord, for good we ask and for your glory, in Jesus' name, amen. Amen.

You know, long ago, Jennifer, I baptized a young man, about 20 years old, who had come to faith because he was dating, he was raised as an atheist, but he was dating a girl whose family was Christian, and that family just shared the gospel with him, and, you know, they ended up not staying together, you know, they broke it off, but you never know how God will use you, so don't be timid or ashamed of the gospel, but be you as a Christian, and all you can do is your son's an adult, right, so continue to pray for him, this has to be something that the Lord does in his heart, but again, I don't think that you need to be shy about the fact that the Bible is really clear, we shouldn't marry someone or pursue those kinds of relationships with those who are outside of the faith, and so maybe having that conversation with your son, or thinking through that, or just thinking about faith more generally with him, and helping him, and praying that the Lord really is your son, and, you know, praying that the Lord really does light that fire in his heart to see the importance of a faith in Jesus. God bless you. Thanks for listening to CORE Christianity. To request your copy of today's special offer, go to corechristianity.com forward slash radio, or you can call us at 1-833-843-2673.

That's 833-THE-CORE. When you contact us, let us know how we can be praying for you, and be sure to join us next time as we explore the truth of God's word together.