My Spouse is Twisting Scripture to Justify Abusing Me. What Should I Do?

How can we stop domestic abuse in the church? That's just one of the questions we'll be answering on today's edition of CORE Christianity. Hi, I'm Bill Meyer, along with Pastor Adriel Sanchez, and this is the radio program where we answer your questions about the Bible and the Christian life every day. You can call us right now with your question. Here's our phone number.

It's 833-THE-CORE. Our phone lines will be open for the next 25 minutes, so jump on your phone right now at 833-THE-CORE. You can also post your question on one of our social media sites, and you can check us out on YouTube as well. We have a YouTube channel, and you can message Adriel that way right in the studio. Of course, you're always welcome to email us at questionsatcorechristianity.com.

First up today, here's a voicemail from one of our listeners named Monique. My question is, Pastor, is what is a good prayer, which all prayers are good, I know that, but I'm having company today to celebrate the Lord. My family and friends, a lot of them don't read the Bible or really talk about the Lord, so I'm wondering if you could help me. I know I'm sitting with the Holy Spirit and will find a prayer, but I'm just wondering what your thoughts are.

Thank you so much. God bless. Yeah, God bless you as well. You know, God uses the dinner table. When I first really started to learn about the Christian faith and growing in my own understanding of Scripture, a lot of the growth came around dinner tables with other believers, with other Christians, and hearing them pray and the conversations that they would have.

I just want to commend you, Sister, the fact that you're thinking about this. May the Lord bless you and use you in your conversation and in your prayers as well. Now, there are places you can go to in Scripture. I mean, if you're just looking for a general prayer of thanksgiving, there are Psalms of thanksgiving that you might want to go to in the Old Testament. You could use some of the language there that the Psalmist uses of praying.

Just Scripture, I think, is a really good thing. Oftentimes, you know, I think one thing we want to be careful with is, and I'm sure you've heard this before, you know, somebody's praying, but they're really addressing the people around them. They're not focusing their attention on God in prayer.

I think that's something we want to avoid. I mean, prayer, first and foremost, is speaking to God. It's not speaking to others. In fact, Jesus, when he's talking about prayer in Matthew chapter 6, he gives a couple of warnings. He says, don't pray like the hypocrites, the scribes and the Pharisees. When they pray, they pray to be seen by others. They want people to think, oh, they're so holy, they're so pious. I think just offering a prayer of faith up to the Lord with thanksgiving for God's goodness, for God's provision.

I mean, people learn from that, recognizing that, hey, my trust is in Jesus. He's the one who supplies all of my needs. And so I would say, fixing your eyes on the Lord, thanking God from your heart for his provision in your life, both the physical provision that you have in front of you that you're about to partake of, but also his provision ultimately of the bread of life, Jesus, his son. And so may God bless you as you pray to him and as you seek to honor him, and may God bless the conversations around your dinner table. You're listening to Core Christianity with Pastor Adriel Sanchez. We do receive a lot of questions about heaven on this program. And to answer those questions, we're offering you an excellent free resource today. Yeah, I'm excited about this resource, Bill. It's called Seven Things Everyone Needs to Know About Heaven, or Seven Things You Need to Know About Heaven. And it's free over at corechristianity.com. Of course, we oftentimes get questions about heaven.

What's it going to be like? That is heavenly hope that we have. There's also a lot of confusion about heaven. There are many Christians who just think that the final destination for all of us is heaven. But heaven actually isn't the final destination for the believer. It's a place where we are for a time until the resurrection of the dead and the new creation.

Actually, the whole world is going to be glorified. There's going to be a new heavens and a new earth. And so we want to help clear up some of the confusion about heaven with this resource. Again, it's called Seven Things You Need to Know About Heaven, and it's yours for free over at corechristianity.com. We'd love to get that in your hands. Just go to corechristianity.com forward slash offers and look for Seven Things You Need to Know About Heaven.

And you can always call us for that resource or any one of our resources at 833-THE-CORE. Let's go to Tina calling in from Kansas City, Kansas. Tina, what's your question for Adriel?

Hi, it's a two-parter. First off, could you define the word blasphemy? And if you blaspheme the Holy Ghost, are you not also blaspheming the Father and the Son because they are three in one?

Tina, thank you for that question. Yeah, blasphemy described or talked about throughout the scriptures is typically a sin associated with the holy things of God, a sin against the holy things of God, his worship, for example, his name. And so it's almost a sin directed directly at the Lord. And in particular, with regard to your question pertaining to the blasphemy of the Holy Spirit, Jesus says very clearly in Matthew chapter 12 verse 31, I tell you, every sin and blasphemy will be forgiven people, but the blasphemy against the Spirit will not be forgiven. And whoever speaks a word against the Son of Man will be forgiven. But whoever speaks against the Holy Spirit will not be forgiven, either in this age or in the age to come. And so Jesus is talking about a very specific kind of sin here, Tina, the blasphemy of the Holy Spirit.

Of course, all sin is sin against God, the Holy One, the triune God. But here specifically, Jesus is responding to something that the religious leaders were doing where they were accusing him of being possessed by a devil, casting out demons by the power of Satan. Now, actually, the works that Jesus was accomplishing were not done, obviously, by any sort of satanic power. They were done by the power of the Holy Spirit. And so these people were associating the work of the Holy Spirit through the ministry of Christ with the work of Satan.

And, I mean, you can just see how hard their hearts were. They're totally rejecting the work of God. They're totally rejecting the gospel.

And Jesus is saying, if you do that, if you persist in that, there's no hope for you. If you continually reject the work of God, such that you go so far as even as it's just demonic. You know, sometimes, I just want to say this, sometimes people are afraid that they've committed the blasphemy of the Holy Spirit because they've sinned in some way, or maybe they've repeatedly sinned in some way, and their hearts are grieved, and they're devastated, and they're afraid. You know, have I sinned away the grace of God?

Well, if you're feeling that way, the answer is no, you haven't. I mean, the person who blasphemes the Holy Spirit is someone who could care less. These people are saying, Jesus, you're possessed by the devil. We don't care about you, about what you're saying, about what you're teaching. And so we have to recognize that in the context there of Matthew chapter 12, he's talking about a very specific sin, and that's why he makes the statement that he makes.

But you are correct in that all sin is sin against the Holy Trinity. Thanks for your question, Tina. Appreciate that. This is Core Christianity with Pastor Adriel Sanchez. Our phone lines will be open for the next 15 minutes or so. If you have a question about the Bible or the Christian life, maybe a question about doctrine or theology or how your Christian life, your Christian walk intersects with what's happening in our culture today, feel free to give us a call. 833-843-2673.

833, the core is the number. Here's a voicemail from one of our listeners named Michael. I was talking to somebody who claimed to be a Christian today, another man. He's married. And he said, and it made me really angry and sad that he actually hits his wife. Because he said that we're supposed to love our wives the way Christ loves the church, and Christ chastens those who he loves. I was shocked when he said that, especially after he said he was a Christian. And I know he's misusing scripture for his own purposes, whether he understands that or not, or if he's got something wrong with him.

I don't know. I told him, look, if you actually hit your wife, you're not much of a man or a Christian, and left. I asked God to forgive me, obviously, for saying he's not a Christian, because that's probably not true. I mean, it's between him and God, obviously. But how should I address that?

I know he's misusing scripture, but I don't know how to properly address it. Man to man. Thank you.

Bye. Man, what a horrible situation, what a heartbreaking situation. Yes, this is a clear twisting of scripture. Peter talks about people who twist the scriptures to their own destruction. That's what this individual is doing. Really what needs to happen, I think when there are situations like this of clear abuse, and this person is basically owning up to the fact, boasting in the fact that he abuses his wife, I think the authorities need to get involved. It sounds like this is not a safe situation for this woman. This person is obviously so hard-hearted that they're able to just boast about this, as though what he was doing was honoring to God. I mean, this is spiritual abuse, this is physical abuse, this is emotional abuse, this is way, way out there, and I think this individual needs to be confronted.

I don't think you need to feel bad for the things that you said. Individuals like this, I think we're dealing with a wolf here, quite frankly, and we deal with wolves in the church one way, and we deal with wolves differently than we deal with someone who's struggling with sin and is a repentant sinner. This is an abuser who's praying on people, praying on his wife in particular, and so I would say the authorities need to be involved.

If he's claiming to be a Christian, obviously there needs to be church discipline there, there needs to be accountability. She, the wife, needs to be brought into safety, and so I would just encourage you to intervene in whatever way that you can, and even contact the authorities as well, because this is a terrible situation. Well, we'll be praying for that situation, Michael, and first of all we want to say thank you for your willingness to intervene and get involved in such a terrible situation, but I would echo what Adriel said. Contact the authorities and certainly get the church leadership involved in this.

This is Core Christianity with Pastor Adriel Sanchez, and Adriel, actually we have an email that's very close to this topic. It's from Denise, and she says, He is verbally abusive, even to the point of telling her he hates her. He curses at her and her kids. He says he's never loved her and the side of her makes him want to throw up.

He will leave for a few days and then come back. She's willing to see a marriage counselor but he is not. He's never been physically abusive to her or their children but very mentally abusive. I don't want my personal feelings for my friend to influence my counsel to her. The Bible speaks of adultery as being the only grounds for divorce, so how can I help her? She has spoken with our pastor and he told her to remember your vows. I do understand that but I feel it's abuse even if it isn't physical and I'm worried for her.

Thank you so much. I value your godly guidance. Yeah, that pastor's advice is, I mean, I think that's the wrong approach. And I'm saying that as a pastor, if you have a man in your church who is verbally, emotionally, spiritually abusive to his wife, and you're not addressing that. You're not bringing discipline forward. You're not calling this individual to repentance and ministering to caring for the wife.

You got it backwards. It sounds to me like she's just been told, you know, we'll put up with it. And I don't know if this pastor is addressing the serious issue of sin. You know, Paul told Timothy in 1 Timothy 5 that an individual who doesn't care for or take care of his own household has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. And right there in the context there, he's talking about monetary provision, caring for those who are in need in your family. But there's more than one way to care for your family, for those in your household. And it sounds like this individual in one sense is functionally abandoning his spouse, leaving for days at a time, kind of keeping her in the dark.

All of these are red flags. I mean, maybe I think a separation could be wise, I think, as they seek to process and figure this out. And obviously, people need to come around the wife and call this man to repentance. You said, I know that the only grounds for divorce in Scripture is adultery. Actually, the Apostle Paul also seems to suggest in 1 Corinthians 7 that abandonment, when one spouse just abandons the other, in one sense proving, right, that they're not concerned with the things of Christ. But that too, you're not bound if your spouse abandons you.

And it sounds to me like that's in part what's happened. Now, I don't know the situation fully. And of course, on the broadcast, we're always really careful not to just say, hell, you need to go do this, you need to do that, especially with these tense marital situations. But I would just say, boy, the wife, I just want to minister to that sister and plead with her and plead with the church that she's a part of to address this issue, to shine a light on the abuse and call this man to repentance and to care for this sister who is not being cared for right now, in fact, who's being abused.

So, yeah, Bill, and I know you've worked with tense marriage situations, Bill, what would you add? Well, I'm really, my heart is broken by the fact that the pastor gave her that advice. I personally think if he is unresponsive, if he's not confronting that husband's sin, if he's knowledgeable about it, he knows what's going on, and he's basically telling her, look, just grin and bear it, I think she needs to leave that church. I don't know if you would agree as a pastor, but I think there is some spiritual abuse going on there.

Absolutely, and sometimes what can be helpful too, and I've had conversations with people about this, is people say, well, maybe we can go see a counselor. It sounds like this individual is not interested in seeing a counselor, but what he really needs to see is an abuse counselor. What they need to see is an abuse counselor who's going to help sort of peel back the layers of this pattern of sinful behavior that is destructive.

It's destructive for the man's soul. You continue in this and you're going to just end up in hell, frankly. This is so out there, but it's also hurting the people around him, especially his wife and kids, and she needs to be in a situation where she's being cared for and ministered to, and that's not happening right now. So I pray that this friend will be able to come and be a part, and that the church really gets its act together.

And you know what? We often encourage our listeners to pray for situations, although we don't have names here. Just be in prayer for this wife and this church and this whole situation, that God's truth would be known and that people would make the right decisions regarding this situation. This is Core Christianity with Pastor Adriel Sanchez.

Man, some heavy stuff on today's program. And of course, we're always open to any questions you have about the Bible, the Christian life, or what's going on in the church. Here's the number, 833-THE-CORE.

That's 1-833-843-2673. Let's go to Eddie in Tennessee. Eddie, what's your question for Pastor Adriel?

Yes, hello. I'd like to know about election. What do you think the meaning of election is? I know it's a lot of controversy today between Calvinists and non-Calvinists, and what do you think the true meaning of election is in the Bible?

Yeah. Well, one, I appreciate the fact that we're getting into the text of Scripture, and you have the language of election throughout the Scriptures. God talks about electing Israel under the Old Covenant, and why did he choose Israel?

It wasn't because they were the greatest nation. It wasn't because they were holy or righteous or because they were more numerous than other nations. It was just because of God's great love and his promise to the patriarchs and to their offspring. So election is something we see in the Old Testament and in the New Testament there with the election of Israel under the Old Covenant.

In the New Testament, we also see the language of election in places like the book of Ephesians and the book of Romans. In Ephesians chapter 1, this is a good text to go to, verse 3, Paul said, Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him. In love he predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, to the praise of his glorious grace. He's talking about the electing grace of God, not on the basis of anything that we've done or would do, but on the basis of his will. The God who works everything according to the counsel of his will, Paul is going to go on to say there in verse 11 of Ephesians chapter 1. And of course, he has an extended discussion on the doctrine of election in places like Romans chapter 9, where he's lamenting the fact that many of the Jews did not come to faith in Christ when Jesus showed up on the scene. And he's saying, well, look, it's not that the word of God has failed.

Not all are Israel who are descended from Israel. And then he begins again to talk about the grace of God in election. So if your question is, you know, what is my view, my view is that God, before the foundation of the world, chooses his people purely on the basis of his grace, his sovereign will. It's not that God, sometimes people will say, well, God chose me because he foresaw that I would choose him.

So it's really, I chose him and he's choosing me because I chose him. No, actually, I think the language in the New Testament is stronger. I think it's before the foundation of the world, before you did anything good or bad, Paul says in Romans 9. God chose us purely on the basis of his grace and mercy. Now, there are a lot of people that have a hard time with this doctrine in particular.

Let me just be honest with you. I did, when I was wrestling through these passages when I was a Christian back in college studying the Bible, preparing for pastoral ministry, I was wrestling through these things. But at the end of the day, brothers and sisters, this is what we want to do on this broadcast is just go to the scriptures. Let's go to the scriptures. Let's reason together.

Let's look at the text of scripture and let God speak to us and shape our beliefs according to his word. And one of the reasons I think many people have a hard time with this is because we want to believe that we're sovereign. We're on control. I'm the one who's on the throne. It's scary for us to think of that not being the case, that you're not the sovereign one. You're not the one who is on the throne.

And you know what? Praise God for that. You don't want me on the throne. You want a God who is good and gracious, who knows all things and yet extends his merciful love to sinners, to people who don't deserve it.

And I think we see that all over the place in the Bible and Ephesians and Romans are a couple of places you could go for that. Eddie, thanks so much for your call. Thanks for being a regular listener to CORE Christianity.

Let's go to Terry calling in from Nebraska. Terry, what's your question for Pastor Adriel? Hi Pastor Adriel. I don't have a question for you.

I have an encouragement for you. I am a survivor of domestic violence and this was going on in our church. Literally there was one day in church he got angry with me and grabbed me by the hair and pulled me out of the pew after church. And we were in marital counseling with another couple from the church. And I took her aside into the bathroom and while she kept out, you know, their advice was constantly you need to submit, you need to submit.

And you're not allowing him his proper role. And I had her come into another room with me and I started taking clothes off and showing her scars and showing her bruises. And she literally put her hands over her eyes and said she didn't want to see it. And I went through several years, about five years altogether of abuse and trying to escape that. And I finally had one pastor that our pastor at the time found out and stood up for me.

But there were so many Christians that gave me such horrible, dangerous advice. Well, Terry, one, I thank God for delivering you out of that situation and this is why it's so important for us to know the Word of God well and to care for the sheep, to follow Jesus in standing up for and protecting the vulnerable. And there are marriages, and Terry, again, I'm glad that God has brought you out of that.

There are marriages where people are suffering and in danger. And too often, I think, in the church people just say, well, you know, just submit. No, that's not what Jesus would have for you in that situation.

If you're in danger, if you need to get the authorities involved, friends, that's what Jesus would want you to do. And so, Terry, God bless you and may God bring you healing and peace. Thanks for listening to CORE Christianity. To request your copy of today's special offer, visit us at corechristianity.com and click on offers in the menu bar or call us at 1-833-843-2673. That's 833, the CORE. When you contact us, please let us know how you've been encouraged by this program. And be sure to join us next time as we explore the truth of God's Word together.