My Spouse Committed Adultery. What Should I Do?

My spouse committed adultery.

What should I do? That's just one of the questions we'll be answering on today's edition of CORE Christianity. Well, hi, this is Bill Meyer, along with Pastor Adriel Sanchez, and this is the radio program where we answer your questions about the Bible and the Christian life every day. We would love to hear from you. Here's our phone number. It's 833-THE-CORE.

That's 1-833-833. As always, you can post your question on one of our social media sites. You can watch Adriel Live right now in the studio on YouTube and message us that way through our YouTube channel. And you can always email us your question at questionsatcorechristianity.com. Here's a question we received from one of our listeners last week. We've had an honest conversation with our children's pastor at the church we attend, and he's informed us that middle school groups are just meant for being fun for the kids and helping them get to know each other. He also indicated he was unwilling to make changes to the middle school group structure. My wife and I want to make the most of every opportunity with our daughter, so we have found another local church that has a midweek service with music and teaching. I've spoken with our children's pastor and told him about our intentions to take her to another church, and he was okay with the approach and even somewhat excited for us to make this change with our daughter. And he also said that he knows others in our church that do the same. So here's the question I'm struggling with. Is it wrong to balance life at two local churches, or should we be all in at one church or the other? Wow, a lot there, and I just want to say thank you for that question.

I know that this is a question that a lot of people have. Just getting right to the heart of it, I always encourage people to be fully invested in one church. That doesn't mean we don't have relationships, friendships outside of the particular local church that we're in, but I think if you're really going to grow together with a body, if you're really going to be able to encourage the people there and be encouraged by the people there, you need to be invested. Now, the broader question about these sort of midweek groups for your children, the first thing I would just want to say is we are, as parents, the primary number one influence on our kids when it comes to their spiritual growth and maturity. I'm not saying that you were saying this, but I know for a lot of people, they just say, oh, I really want my kids to be into the things of the Lord, and so I got to find a youth group that they're really going to connect with and that they're really going to be engaged in. That's fine, but we have to be really careful that we don't assume that that's going to be what really does the trick for them, that if we just send them to a particular youth group or a particular camp, they're really going to light on fire for Jesus, that kind of a thing. We, as parents, have the primary responsibility of setting the example for our children of talking to them about the things of the Lord, of catechizing them, those catechisms that the Church has used for many, many years where we describe the core elements of the Christian faith. That's key for us as parents, and one of my fears is that we're often not taking responsibility for our children and for their spiritual growth. Ultimately, it's a work of the Lord, but God has placed us in their lives. God has given us these children to care for them, to love them, to disciple them in the things of the Lord. I would encourage you, one, to know that and to do that, taking your children to church, having conversations about Jesus, praying together, so important, but really to be committed to one church specifically. I think that that's the best approach, and really exposing also your children, not just to one group of people within the church, but building relationships with everybody.

Maybe the shut-in who needs a visitor, going there with your kids and encouraging individuals in the church, growing in your relationships across ethnicities, across the age ranges within the local church. I think that's good. I think that's healthy. I think that's important. We're a family. We're a part of the body of Christ, and the body of Christ is a family. I would say that would be my encouragement to you. There's no hard and fast rule.

If you're really committed to one church, but you feel like, hey, there's a great little midweek group over here that my daughter can go to, and she's encouraged by, and that works, I think that that's fine, but I think by and large, you want to make sure that you're really invested in one place, in the people there, in the ministry there, and I think that's the best for our growth in the Lord. Thank you for your question. Some great advice. Thanks, Adriel. This is Core Christianity with Pastor Adriel Sanchez, and we would love to hear from you.

If you've got a question about the Bible or the Christian life, Christian doctrine, theology, even how your daily Christian walk intersects with today's culture, we would love to hear from you. Here's the phone number. It's 833-THE-CORE. Our phone lines will be open for the next 15, 20 minutes or so, so jump on the phone now. 833-THE-CORE, 1-833-843-2673.

Here's a voicemail we received from one of our callers last week. My name is Scott. I have a question where I can go in Scripture to find out about adultery. My wife committed adultery 35 years ago, and we were recently married, and she's finally confessing 35 years later in repentance. Thank you.

Hey, Scott. Well, there are a number of places in the Old Testament and in the New Testament that talk about adultery, both the breach of the marriage covenant. Also, adultery is pictured throughout the Old Testament as a kind of idolatry. When the people of God would commit idolatry, God said what you're doing is essentially spiritual adultery.

You look at books like the book of Hosea, and you have this whole parable there about that essentially. So adultery is a grievous sin, a breach of the marriage covenant that sometimes results in divorce but does not necessarily require divorce. Jesus talks about this in Matthew 19, verses 3 and following, that sometimes the situation where there is adultery in a marriage, there's a case where you can, an individual can legitimately get a divorce, but I often say as a pastor, that doesn't have to be the case. I know a lot of marriages that have worked through situations of adultery that are healthy now, that are in a good place by the grace of God after a lot of hard work, counseling, searching the scriptures, forgiveness.

It's not easy, but there is that hope, brother. In fact, I mentioned the book of Hosea. You just think about how God was with his people at the very end of the book of Hosea after this long discussion about essentially how they had committed spiritual adultery against the Lord. God still says, return, O Israel, to the Lord your God, for you have stumbled because of your iniquity, but take with you words and return to the Lord. Say to him, take away all iniquity, accept what is good and we will pay with bulls the vows of our lips.

Assyria shall not save us. We will not ride on horses and we will say no more our God to the work of our hands. That is that we're not going to commit idolatry anymore. We're no longer going to commit spiritual adultery. God says, I will heal their apostasy and I will love them freely for my anger has turned from them.

Brother, let me just say, for so many people, it sounds like your wife was essentially living in the dark, concealing this sin for decades. For so many people, they think, oh no, I can't be honest about my sin because it will destroy everything. It will destroy my family.

It will destroy my ministry even. There's this great fear. We live in the shadows, in the darkness. The reality is oftentimes sin just grows, but we're crushed by this overwhelming sense of duplicity, just being hypocritical, not being honest. It's only when we come into the light that we can really experience, I think, that grace and that kindness, that goodness of God, but living in the shadows, it's just so painful. I imagine there have been repercussions, a lot of hurt that's been had over the years with this, with your wife. Now for you, brother, hearing this and wrestling, I'm sure, struggling to know how to respond, let me just say, there is grace for you, there is healing for you, and there is grace for your wife as well.

I'm grateful to hear that she's opened up, that she's come into the light. I just want to pray for you guys right now that the Lord would really do a supernatural work in your lives, in your marriage, and bring the healing to this issue, this wound that has been festering for so many years. Let me pray for you. Father, we lift Scott up to you and we ask God for your Holy Spirit to be at work in his life, in his marriage. God, as his wife has opened up about this sin from many, many years ago, I pray, God, that you would give her a sense of your forgiveness as she confesses not just to her husband, but to you, Lord, first and foremost, and experiences from you the grace, the mercy that you extend to all those who confess their sins. And for Scott, Lord, I pray for healing, I pray for peace, Lord, I'm sure that there's just frustration, anger even perhaps. Lord, would you be with him?

Would you fill his heart with forgiveness, with love, and would you bring healing to this marriage? We pray in Jesus' name. Amen. You're listening to Core Christianity with Pastor Adriel Sanchez. You know, when it comes to the devil, many Christians believe things about him that are not biblically accurate, and with Halloween coming up here, the good news is we have a great free resource on that topic that will clear up some of the confusion. Yeah, you know, there are questions that we get here at Core Christianity about Satan. Can the devil read my mind? Is he everywhere? You know, is he omnipresent?

That kind of a thing. There is a lot of confusion, Bill. As we've said before about the evil one, about spiritual warfare, and that's why we have this resource and have helped to put together this resource, Can the Devil Read My Mind? by David Cassidy. We think that this is a real helpful book.

It's not too long. It's more of a booklet, but it's going to encourage you and help you have a deeper understanding of some of these things. So, Can the Devil Read My Mind? is a 70-page booklet that gives you a thorough understanding of what the Bible says about Satan, demons, and spiritual warfare, and it's yours for free at corechristianity.com. Just go to our website, corechristianity.com, forward slash offers, and look for Can the Devil Read My Mind? Again, corechristianity.com, forward slash offers, and look for that free booklet that we would love to send you. Well, let's go to the phone. Hey, Bill, could I?

Yeah, go ahead. I was just going to say, piggybacking off of what we were talking about with that, I know that there are a lot of believers who are in the shadows, who are afraid to confess their sin, something that they've done to hurt another person perhaps, and just being able to say, look, one of the beautiful things about the gospel of Jesus Christ is we don't have to be like the rest of the world hiding in the shadows. The blood of Jesus is sufficient to forgive all of our sins, and it can bring healing. God can bring healing in those situations that we feel like, oh, boy, if I was honest, everything would just... We don't know what the repercussions are oftentimes of that honesty, but what we do know is that it's there that God works so powerfully, and that's what we should want more than anything else, that work of the Lord in our lives when we open up like that, and it really is a beautiful thing, a powerful thing, and so I just wanted to reiterate that for those who are maybe struggling right now as they listen to this, and they feel like they're living this duplicitous life, they're hiding things, and they just think, oh, I can't be honest. Well, we can because the blood of Jesus is sufficient to cleanse us of all sin and to bring healing when we open up. I love that verse. It's God's kindness that leads us to repentance, and indeed He is a kind and gracious God who forgives us of all of our iniquities through the blood of our Savior Jesus Christ, so thank you for that reminder, Adriel. Let's go to our phone lines.

We have Lathaniel on the phone from St. Louis, Missouri. Lathaniel, what's your question for Pastor Adriel? Yes, I wanted to know, in the scriptures in Matthew 28, 19, where Jesus gives the Great Commission, where He tells them to go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and then He says in 20, teaching them to observe all things that I have commanded you. Now, the disciples were given that Great Commission, but yet when you look over into the Book of Acts or anywhere in the scriptures, you always see the pattern whether the disciples baptized every time in Jesus' name. Not once do you see them saying of the Father and of the Holy Spirit or anything, and you know, churches have divided in Christianity over this issue because they say if you don't baptize in Jesus' name, you're going to hell. But my question to you is, why did the disciples not speak on the baptism of the Father, of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit versus you see Peter and them doing in Jesus' name?

Yeah, excellent question. So when Jesus instituted holy baptism in Matthew chapter 28, He says, Go into all the world, make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit. This is Trinitarian, and historically, the church has always done this, from the very earliest times. You can read about it in even extra biblical sources like the Didache, which was probably written around the same time that the Gospels were written and talks about baptizing in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit. And then you turn to the book of Acts, and often you have this language about baptizing in the name of Jesus or the baptism of Jesus. And I actually think that what was happening there in those instances were Trinitarian baptisms. But the reason they're referred to as the baptism of Jesus or baptizing in the name of Jesus is to distinguish them in particular from the baptism of John, which was, I think, a big issue at that time.

In fact, we read in Acts chapter 19, it happened that while Apollos was at Corinth, Paul passed through the inland country and came to Ephesus, and there he found some disciples. And he said to them, Did you receive the Holy Spirit when you believed? And they said, No, we have not even heard that there is a Holy Spirit. And he said, Into what then were you baptized? And they said, Into John's baptism. And Paul said, John baptized with the baptism of repentance, telling the people to believe in the one who was coming after him.

That is Jesus. And on hearing this, they were baptized in the name of the Lord Jesus. And so there's this distinguishing that's taking place here in this early time of the church, these early days of the apostolic church, where it's no longer the baptism of John, it's the baptism of Jesus, which I would say is in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit.

And so, you know, I don't think it needs to be as controversial as it's sometimes made. I would totally reject, you know, when people say, if you're not baptized in the name of Jesus, and with that specific formula, then you're not going to heaven, you're going to hell. No, the proper formula is Trinitarian in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit.

And insofar as in baptism, we're united to Jesus by faith, in his death and resurrection, the Apostle Paul talks about this in Romans chapter six, in Galatians chapter three, we can refer to it as the baptism of Jesus. Thank you for that question. Great clarification. And, Nathaniel, thank you so much for being a regular listener of Core Christianity and for really digging into God's Word.

We really appreciate that. Let's go to Timothy in Eureka, Illinois. Timothy, what's your question for Pastor Adriel?

Hello. Hey, Timothy. Hi, I've been taught that tithing is part of the ceremonial law, Jewish law, and that was done away with when Jesus died on the cross. And yet, churches require that as being member today, and I'm just wondering your thoughts on that. I would be opposed to a church requiring the tithe in order for an individual to be a member. It is true that the tithe was specifically a part of the Old Testament ceremonial system, I mean, it was going to the temple for the priesthood. And so, you know, I think that's a reality.

Now, we could say more about that. I mean, you think about in the book of Genesis, Abraham paid a tithe of all that he had to Melchizedek, so you have the tithe in other places as well. But really, you know, the clearest language that we get in the New Testament related to giving is in 2 Corinthians 8 and 9, and Paul says in chapter 9 verse 6, the point is this, whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows bountifully will also reap bountifully. Each one must give as he has decided in his heart.

There's some freedom here. Not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver, and God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that having all sufficiency in all things at all times, you may abound in every good work as it is written. He has distributed freely, he has given to the poor, his righteousness endures forever. Now, I actually, you know, having said all that, I think that there's nothing wrong with tithing to the church. And actually, I think one thing that's good about tithing is a lot of times, if it's just sort of, you know, giving to the church is something we do when we feel like it, well, we won't have this consistent pattern of giving to the things of the Lord. So I think it's good to set something up like a tithe or more.

You know, it doesn't have to be 10%. I know there are people who the Lord has blessed who say, boy, God has just been so gracious to us, and we can't outgive the Lord. We are committing as a family to giving 15% or something like that to the work of missions to the local church. But doing that with joy, not under compulsion, not as this sort of, you have to do this or you can't be a member of the church, I would say that's a problem. Anytime we're resurrecting, you know, the ceremonial law, if you will, and saying you can't really be a part of the church, you're not really a Christian unless you do these things, there's a serious issue. And Paul talks about this in the book of Galatians, right? The agitators in the book of Galatians wanted to force Christians, Gentiles who had come to faith to be circumcised, observing the ceremonial law, and essentially they were adding to the gospel. They were saying you have to do these things if you also want to be a part of the family of God. A concern with making this a rule for church membership is are you adding to essentially what the gospel already says, we're a part of the church by faith in Jesus Christ through our union with him in baptism, as I mentioned earlier. But again, I also just want to encourage, you know, to give joyfully and not reluctantly, not under compulsion, as Paul says there in 2 Corinthians 9, each of us as Christians should be generous givers to the work of missions. I mean, Jesus says where your treasure is, that's where your heart will be also, and so it's something that we should be committed to. For many believers, the way they do that is a tithe, it doesn't have to be that, it doesn't have to just be that, but it's something that we should really think through as Christians in local churches.

Thanks for that explanation, Adriel. This is Core Christianity with Pastor Adriel Sanchez. Let's go to Jim in St. Louis, Missouri.

Jim, what's your question? Hello, I have a question regarding baptism. I was brought up in a non-denominational church where you're baptized when you have a heart of repentance or contrary spirit and are at an age of awareness, and my wife was brought up differently where infants are baptized.

And there's no tension between us regarding that, but it is kind of a question I've always had. In the scriptures, it doesn't seem that infant baptism is apostolic, in fact, Jesus blessed the children. And the example that I hear, individuals who support that bring up the house of Cornelius and how they were all baptized, but it doesn't specify there was an infant or a child, it just says a house, it could have all been adults.

Hey, such a good question. And as you say, there's a lot of difference in the church about this. Historically, for the majority of church history, infants were baptized. And not as this cute tradition, but there was this conviction that the children of believers were also part of the worshiping community, that God's promises, his gospel promises extended to them as well on the basis of God's covenant, essentially. I don't have the time to get into all of it right now, but I just want to, Jim, point you to one resource over at corechristianity.com that I did write, and it's called Should Infants Be Baptized?

Now, my views on this have changed. Initially, I also, when I first started walking with the Lord, was going to a non-denominational church, and I just assumed, well, the people who baptize babies, those are the Roman Catholics, and most Protestants, we don't do that. We baptize only those, as you say, who have made a profession of faith, who have repented. Over time, as I continued to study the scriptures, and that's some of what I talk about in this article, Should Infants Be Baptized? at corechristianity.com, I came under the conviction that, yeah, there is a biblical case to be made for the baptizing of infants on the basis of God's promise, on the basis of God's word. Now, that doesn't mean that every baby that's baptized is regenerated at that moment, that they're all saved, that that act in and of itself saves them. It's only the work of the Holy Spirit who works faith into our hearts that saves us. Faith is the only instrument of our salvation in Jesus Christ, and so I think that's really important. But pointing to that resource, and feel free to give us a call back at another time if you'd like, and we can go a little bit deeper. Thank you, Jim, and God bless you. When you contact us, please let us know how you've been encouraged by this program, and be sure to join us next time as we explore the truth of God's word together.