How Do I Forgive My Abuser?

I grew up being abused by a member of my family.

Does forgiving them mean I have to include them in my life? That's just one of the questions we'll be answering on today's edition of Core Christianity. Visit us at 833-The-Core. That's 1-833-843-2673 to talk to Pastor Adriel live.

You can also post your question on our Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter accounts. And you can email us with your question at questionsatcorechristianity.com. If you heard our program last Friday, you know we aired a recorded show due to a tragedy that occurred with one of the members of our Core Christianity team. And if you were one of the folks who prayed for us last week, we really do appreciate that.

Adriel, I was thinking about it. That's one of the beautiful things about the body of Christ, praying for one another and bearing each other's burdens. Yeah, I mean Paul talks about that when he wrote to the Corinthians, about the comfort that we receive from the Lord, from the Holy Spirit. And we comfort each other in the midst of difficulties, in the midst of tragedies. And so we're really grateful for those of you who have been praying for the Core Christianity team. We love you and are grateful for the support. And we're thankful to be able to be back at it today, live, answering your questions about the faith. So please do give us a call. Let's go to Tom, who's calling in from Tyler, Texas. Hi Tom, welcome to Core Christianity.

Hi guys, I really enjoy the program. I had a question, something that's always bothered me, about Jesus' baptism. You know, John the Baptist was baptizing folks and calling for the repentance of sin. But since Jesus is sinless, why did he have to get baptized by John?

Yeah, Tom, thank you for that question. It does kind of seem like, well, what is happening here if baptism is all about repentance, repentance from sin, and Jesus is the sinless Son of God? Well, if anybody didn't need to be baptized, it wouldn't have been Jesus.

Well, Matthew chapter 3, beginning in verse 13, I think this is the text we want to go to. Then Jesus came from Galilee to the Jordan, to John, to be baptized by him. And John would have prevented him, saying, I need to be baptized by you, and do you come to me? John had the same question that I think many of us have. Why would you need to be baptized, Jesus?

You should be baptizing me. But Jesus answered him, Let it be so now, for thus it is fitting for us to fulfill all righteousness. Then he consented, and when Jesus was baptized, immediately he went up from the water, and behold, the heavens were opened to him, and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove and coming to rest on him. And so Jesus gives us the purpose there very clearly to fulfill all righteousness. And so it wasn't that Jesus needed to repent of sins or that Jesus had sin. That, of course, is something that's made very clear throughout the Bible.

He couldn't have been the perfect Lamb of God who takes away the sins of the world had he been filled with sin. And so that's really important that we understand that what's taking place here is Jesus is basically walking in the footsteps of Israel as the new Israel, the true Israel who perfectly fulfills the law of God. He's coming through the waters, and then immediately after he comes through the waters, he enters into this period of temptation, we're told there at the beginning of Matthew chapter 4. And so what's really interesting is he comes out of Egypt in Matthew chapter 2, through the waters in Matthew chapter 3, and then a period of temptation in Matthew chapter 4 for 40 days. And so it's almost as if he is walking in the footsteps of Israel in the Old Testament. Jesus is revealing himself here as the true Israel, the greater Israel if you will, who perfectly fulfilled the law of God everywhere where in the Old Testament Israel fell and failed.

I mean, they were tempted for 40 years in the wilderness. Well, Jesus, he stood up against the tempter for those 40 days. And so I think that's one of the things that we're being clued into here with this idea of Jesus fulfilling all righteousness. He is the perfect Son of God who is walking in the footsteps of Israel, and yet he is obeying everywhere where Israel and we so often fail and fall short. And so that's why he was baptized as fulfilling all righteousness, Tom.

Thank you for that question. Thanks so much, Tom. Let's go to Vicky, who's calling in from Lebanon, Illinois. Hi, Vicky, welcome to Core Christianity. Hello, how are you? Good, Vicky.

Good. What's your question for Pastor Adriel? I would like to know, when you pass away, if it matters if you are cremated or buried into the ground. Yeah, my view on this is that it doesn't necessarily matter. I mean, at the end of the day, you know, there are people who have been concerned, you know, if I wasn't buried, if I'm cremated, well, how is that going to affect my eternal destiny? But God is the one who raises us up again by the power of the Holy Spirit. I just was recently preaching on the final judgment. And I want you to listen to what John said in Revelation chapter 20.

He has this picture of the final judgment, Vicky, and listen to what he said. He says, And I saw a great white throne, and him who was seated on it from his presence, earth and sky, fled away, and no place was found for them. And I saw the dead, great and small, standing before the throne, and the books were opened, and another book was opened, which was the book of life. And the dead were judged by what was written in the books according to what they had done. And the sea gave up the dead who were in it. Death and Hades gave up the dead who were in them, and they were judged, each one of them, according to what they had done. John has this vision of the final judgment, and everyone is standing before the Lord. Those who were in the sea, you think of people who perished out at sea and their bodies went down into the ocean and were decomposing there.

Those who were in the ground, those who perished through all sorts of different ways. At the end of the day, it's not the way in which we're buried that determines our eternal destiny. It's who we're united to by faith. Are we united to Jesus Christ? Do we belong to Jesus?

And so I think that's where we need to focus. When people ask this question about cremation, and I don't know, Vicky, if this is your concern, but I think a lot of people are concerned with, well, if I'm cremated, is that somehow going to keep me from being resurrected on the final day? Is that going to keep me from heaven? And I think we have to understand that ultimately we're saved by grace through faith, and it's our union with Christ by faith that gives us this blessing of the resurrection unto eternal life. And so I don't think that if you're cremated or if you're buried in a coffin, I don't think that has any bearing on your eternal destiny, and I also don't think that it's something that you should be concerned about. Now, if being cremated, the idea of it really bothers your conscience, then I would say don't do it.

If it's something that makes you uncomfortable or if you feel like it's disrespectful or something like that, well then you don't have to do it. But make sure that your confidence, and when we think about what we're putting our faith in when we think about our eternal destiny, is not in how we are buried, but in who we're in. Are we in Jesus Christ by faith? And so, Vicki, did you want to follow up there with your question? Was that helpful? No thanks, I think you answered it. It cleared it up for me, and I was thinking probably along the same path, because there are people that burn in fires, say they have a house fire, and people, like you said, that may be drowned. But I had to ask.

I appreciate your question, I'm glad it was helpful, and you're right. And that's why ultimately our hope has to be not in the way in which we were buried, but you think about some of the ancient civilizations who put a lot of stock into how individuals were buried. Think of the Egyptians, for example.

There's this museum here in San Diego called the Museum of Man where they oftentimes will have these great mummy exhibits, and you get to just see all of the work that went into the Egyptian burial practices. And for them, there was this belief that the way in which I'm buried is going to have some bearing on my eternal destiny. But that's not what we believe as Christians. The ultimate question is, do you belong to Jesus? Do you know Jesus? Are you trusting in him? And that's where we can rest.

Amen. This is Core Christianity with Pastor Adriel Sanchez. If you have a question for us, here's the phone number to call. It's 833-THE-CORE. You can call right now, talk to Pastor Adriel live.

That's 1-833-843-2673. Let's go to John calling in from Butler, Missouri. Hi, John.

Welcome to Core Christianity. Hi, how are you doing? I'm glad to be here. Hey, John. Thanks for your call.

Yes, sir. I run a Christ Center 12-step program. It's kind of something I created myself. I call it Christ Center Recovery. But anyway, the scripture, we have a biblical comparison for each one of our 12 steps, and one of our biblical comparisons is 1 Corinthians 10, 12, and 13. And kind of the way I teach that is where if you're seeking God and looking for God, God will show you the way out. And I just wanted to make sure I wasn't reading more into that than what was there. Yeah, well, one, brother, thank you for your service to people in need and to the body of Christ running a program like this. We know that addiction really is a terrible thing that takes the lives of so many people.

And so I'm grateful to hear about the work that you're doing. And the passage that you're talking about, I just want to read it for those who are not familiar with it, 1 Corinthians 10, 12, and 13. Therefore, let anyone who thinks that he stands take heed lest he fall. No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man, and God is faithful. He will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape that you may be able to endure it. And John, I think that this really is a wonderful passage to bring into this larger discussion of fighting temptation as believers, because I think it gives us hope.

It helps us to realize that God is not putting us in a corner in this hopeless situation. And in the context here, I think he's referring in particular to sexual sin and that kind of a temptation, but that the Lord does not tempt us beyond what we are able. A lot of people actually, they sort of misunderstand this verse and they say, God will never give you more than you can handle. Well, that's actually not something that the Bible teaches.

There are experiences that we have in life that are more than we can bear. The apostle Paul said that actually very thing to the Corinthians in another place. But when it comes to temptation to sin, Jesus taught us to pray, lead us not into temptation. And here we're told very clearly that the Lord doesn't tempt us beyond what we're able, but that he gives us a way of escape. And so I think that this is one of many passages, John, that you could use to encourage people who are fighting sin and temptation, and to help them to know that God is for them. I think for people that are struggling with temptation, that's one of the key things that they need to understand, because it can feel so overwhelming, so much like it's absolutely hopeless.

What hope do I have? Well, knowing that God is for you, he's for your sanctification, that we can go to him in prayer, and that he's a very present help in times of need, I think that is so important, and it's one of the things that's reinforced there in 1 Corinthians 10, 12, and 13. And so may the Lord continue to bless you in the work that you're doing, and I love that you're bringing God's word in to the discussion, so helpful, and thank you for your call.

Thank you, sir. Thanks for your ministry, we do appreciate you, and thanks for being one of our regular listeners here at CORE Christianity. This is CORE Christianity with Pastor Adriel Sanchez, and we are excited to offer you something today. It's a special resource that Adriel created, it's called Seeing Jesus.

Yes, it is a short devotional booklet called Seeing Jesus. I think one of the things, it's just so important for us to understand who Jesus was, who he is, what he taught. There's a lot of confusion today about Jesus and his teaching. Some people say, oh, he was just a prophet, he was a great sort of religious teacher, and that's not what the word of God says.

He was a prophet, but he was far more than a prophet. And for us as Christians, sharing the faith with others, it's so important, it's vital for us to know who Jesus was and what he came to do. So Seeing Jesus is a four-week devotional study that's going to help you do just that, to get into the heart of who our Lord was and is, and what he accomplished for you. I think you'll find it to be very encouraging, and so get a hold of this resource, Seeing Jesus. You can sign up for a free copy of Seeing Jesus by heading over to corechristianity.com forward slash jesus. You can also call us at 833-843-2673 for help getting any one of our offers or for asking a question. Here's the number again, it's 833-THE-CORE. Now one of the ways you can record a message for us is by going to our website and clicking on the little microphone icon there, and you can record your question.

Here's a question that we received that's on a very difficult topic. I need to know whether or not I have forgiven the person who sexually abused me as a child repeatedly, which was my older brother. I don't feel hatred or the need for vengeance anymore, but at the same time, I don't want to be anywhere in his presence. I know Jesus asked us to forgive not just seven times, but seven times seventy times, if I'm remembering the passage correctly, and I want to forgive. I want to forgive because Jesus asked me to forgive. I guess I just don't know if it's possible. I don't know if I'm supposed to test my forgiveness by wanting to be around my brother. I'm struggling.

So any insight is appreciated. Thank you. Yeah, let's begin first, brothers and sisters, by praying for this sister and the situation that she's in. Father, we come before you. We lift our sister up to you, who is carrying this burden and who, Lord, has been sinned against and experienced this great pain. We ask for your healing, for your comfort. We pray, Lord, I pray for her right now, that the burden that she feels, the question of, have I really forgiven my brother, that that burden, Lord, would be lifted, that you would give her your peace and a sense of your presence. Fill her with your love, we pray in Jesus' name.

Amen. The first thing I would want to say to you is, it does sound to me like you're carrying this huge burden of, am I really being faithful to Jesus? Have I really forgiven my brother, this person who's sinned against me in a terrible way?

I can tell, sister, that you want more than anything else to follow Jesus. Let me just say to you very clearly that you do not have to carry this burden, feeling like, well, maybe I haven't forgiven my brother because I don't want to be in the same room as him. The fact of the matter is, you can truly forgive him, and it sounds to me as if you have truly forgiven him.

You're not harboring this hatred. You can truly forgive him and still not have him in your life, or have in these situations where you feel like I have to be around him or we have to be in the same room. Now, Jesus did say in Matthew chapter 18 that we're obligated to forgive those who sin against us. He said the same thing when he taught us the Lord's Prayer in Matthew chapter 6. We're called to forgive as those who have been forgiven by God. He gives basically a series of teaching there in Matthew chapter 18. At the very beginning, he talks about church discipline and how to handle a situation when someone has sinned against you. And then Peter asks him there in that context, how many times should I forgive my brother when they sin against me?

You know, up to seven times. And Jesus says seventy times seven. You know, we keep on forgiving. And then after that, Jesus gives this parable, the parable of the unforgiving servant, where he highlights the importance of our forgiving others as those who have been forgiven by the Lord. You have been forgiven.

Jesus has washed away your sins. And so we're called to forgive others. But does that mean that you have to pursue the same kind of relationship with your brother, where your guys are together like nothing happened, that kind of a thing?

No. No, there's a difference between forgiveness and reconciliation. Reconciliation is something that we do as believers long for, but it requires the other person, the person who sinned against us, to recognize what they've done, to repent of it. You can't really have reconciliation unless the other person understands the extent of their sin, what they've done. And so we forgive, regardless of whether or not another person repents. We reconcile when it's possible, when an individual realizes what they've done, and they're repenting of it, they've repented of it, they've acknowledged their sin. And typically, in cases of abuse, sister, if somebody is saying, hey, you should forgive because Jesus says you should forgive, and they're making demands, like we should just be able to hang out like nothing happened, well, that's a huge red flag. I think that abusers can sometimes operate in this way.

It's something we have to be really cautious with. I don't know what the situation is with your brother, if he's repented or not, but you can truly forgive him, and it sounds like you have, whether or not he does repent. Now, there's another piece there. We forgive, we're called to forgive. We reconcile when another person repents of their sin, they recognize what they've done. And then, potentially, if it's prudent, we can restore the relationship, but we may not be able to. And we're not necessarily always called to restore the relationship like it was previously.

So it's really important for you to know this, sister. You have forgiven your brother, you can rest in that. And in the grace that you have received, you're not obligated to have to be in the same room as him. And if he's genuinely repentant, he's not going to hold that over your head. Because when somebody is repentant, they say, look, whatever you need, the space that you need, the time that you need to heal, that's yours. I'm not making demands.

When people make demands, I think that that's a really big red flag. And so, sister, I hope that this burden that you're carrying can just be lifted, that you can rest in the forgiveness that Jesus has given to you. And it sounds like you've extended that grace, that forgiveness to your brother, but that doesn't mean you guys have to be in the same room and you have to question your forgiveness just because it's difficult for you. One resource that I would recommend, and some of these categories that I've been mentioning, forgiveness, reconciliation, restoration, they come from a book written by our friend Justin Holcomb. It's called Rid of My Disgrace. And that might be a resource worth you looking into.

It's a helpful resource that talks about abuse and just really understanding it from a biblical perspective and how to heal. And that's going to take time, sister. You've been sinned against.

There's a steep wound. You need time to heal, and that's not your fault. That's not your fault, and so may the Lord be with you and bless you, sister. Thank you for calling us. Such a tough situation, and we receive a lot of calls like that, tragically, and we will be praying for her. This is Core Christianity with Pastor Adriel Sanchez. Let's go to Mike, who's calling in from Oklahoma.

Hi, Mike. Welcome to Core Christianity. Thank you. Yes, my question is, I was wondering about, you know, the Lord speaks of the blasphemy against the Holy Ghost. I was wondering just what that means. What kind of blasphemy is He speaking of? Yeah, this is, you know, a question that a lot of people have, brother, and it causes a lot of concern because Jesus refers to this as the unpardonable sin. And so the question that people have is, well, have I done this?

Is there something that I can do or that I have done that puts me beyond the grace of God? And so I know that there are genuine Christians who know Jesus, who are filled with the Holy Spirit, who, you know, they've struggled with some pattern of sin, and I think that the evil one comes along and he tries to convince them that it's hopeless for them, that they've somehow committed the unpardonable sin and that the Lord is no longer with them. And so it's really important that we understand this and what Jesus meant when He spoke about it in the context of the passages that refer to it.

So one text is Mark chapter 3 beginning in verse 22. The scribes who came down from Jerusalem were saying, He is possessed by Beelzebul, and by the prince of demons he, that is Jesus, casts out demons. And he called them to himself and said to them in parables, How can Satan cast out Satan? If a kingdom is divided against itself, that kingdom cannot stand. And if a house is divided against itself, that house will not be able to stand. And if Satan has risen up against himself and is divided, he cannot stand but is coming to an end. Then he goes on to say in verse 26, Truly, truly, I say to you, all sins will be forgiven the children of man, but whatever blasphemies they utter, but whoever blasphemes against the Holy Spirit never has forgiveness.

Now it's so important that we recognize what's happening there in the context. The religious leaders who reject Jesus. They don't believe in him, they actually hate him, to the degree that they're associating his works, his miracles, with some sort of satanic power. Jesus says to them, Watch out, you're very close to blaspheming the Holy Spirit. They're attributing the works of the Holy Spirit and the work of Jesus Christ to Satan. Now, ultimately, what is this?

What's happening here? Well, it's cold-hearted unbelief. It's the hatred of Jesus Christ and the rejection of his gospel. And what you need to know is if you trust in Jesus, if you believe in him, if you long for his forgiveness, you don't have to be worried about whether or not you've blasphemed the Holy Spirit. That's for those who reject him. All manner of sins will be forgiven Jesus promised. Join us next time as we explore the truth of God's Word together.