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Dear Gary March

Building Relationships / Dr. Gary Chapman
The Truth Network Radio
March 26, 2022 1:00 am

Dear Gary March

Building Relationships / Dr. Gary Chapman

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March 26, 2022 1:00 am

Marriage struggles. Parenting problems. Singles issues. It’s all up for discussion on this edition of Building Relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman. Once a month we open the lines for your questions for this trusted author of the New York Times Bestseller, the Five Love Languages. The problems discussed may help you with a struggle you’re facing. Don’t miss the questions and answers!

Featured Resource: The 5 Apology Languages: The Secret to Healthy Relationships - Gary Chapman & Jennifer Thomas

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Today we open the listener line for your questions on Building Relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman program and maintaining everything I want to know what to appreciate him and let him go after drinking it right) Mary Maureen over welcome relationship.

Gary, author of the New York Times bestseller, the 51 of the most anticipated conversation of the month when we open the listener line and hear from you as you pose questions trusted current author Dr. Gary Chapman family and great questions today on our March edition dear Gary, it's our hope that something you here today will help you in your marriage.

Singleness over "The 5 Love Languages" .com you will find more simple ways to strengthen trips you can call a question for an upcoming program is the number 866424 Gary 186-6424 Gary leave your message will try to get to it on future podcasts in our featured resource today is by Dr. Jennifer Thomas and Dr. Chapman. It's titled the five apology languages. The secret to healthy relationships.

This is one of the main struggles I think you and all of our relationships. Gary, that is to communicate a real apology think you're right to accrue for one reason none of us are perfect. We all do sign and say things or fail to do things and say things that cause friction in a relationship and if we don't learn to apologize. The emotional barrier that we create with those failures creates a wall between us.

An emotional wall between us. But if we learn how to apologize and choose to do it in a meaningful way that is communicating our sincerity to the other person we make it easier for them to forgive and when we apologizing but for you it removes that barrier and now the relationship can go forward.

So yeah, this is an important book. It can make all the difference in the world to this the same thing with "The 5 Love Languages" . It's the I'm I'm showing you I love you mow the yard yesterday. I yell this if her love language is words of affirmation, you can mow the yard all day long.

I suggest you do this at what time of year it is.

You know, blow the snow off the driveway, but but she won't feel that love or he won't feel that love from this thing over here in the apology is the same thing. There's a blockade there gave a perfect example of that lady said to me that the seduction counseling session.

She snuck him every time he says I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry she said it means nothing to me means nothing to me is that he never ever.

I asked what can I do to stop doing this. See her idea of a sincere apology help me. I want to get a plan. I will keep doing this that communicates to her heart. I'm sorry doesn't touch her so she doesn't think it's a sincere apology.

He may be sincere. He may be sorry but is not communicating to her and that's why learning your spouse's apology language.

That is what communicates the veil is going to help you communicate your sincerity yes and that is what you going to encounter in this featured resource today. Again, go to five love languages.com. The five apology languages.

The secret to healthy relationships again. Five love languages.com now your calls. Gary is excited about this is a marriage question that I have never heard before. Because there's a grammar struggle. Here we go Gary about the relationship between two people were brought up that side of the track and the one party has very grammar and the other party is very turned witness grammar.

The first party came to correct the grammar even after several years of trying, but what you have to say on the subject. Thank you very much, Chris never heard that one is, but I understand it from the South. All of us grow up in a culture that has certain dialects and and and and grammar and some of it is what we would call proper grammar is not proper grammar and I understand the difference to be very honest with you I'm not sure you going to get him than him or her to change that poor grammar. You said he's been working on it and he hasn't been able to change it would be nice. You know, maybe if he could enrolled in a class or get a tutor to just helping get some of the fundamentals.

Now especially the ones that bother you the most. Sounds like he is open to these cities trying but if that doesn't work and he he really can't pick it up and make the changes. I think this is one of those things you have to learn to accept. Oh yes, there's a place to accept things that your spouse either cannot change or will not change, and I don't know which it is, you know, maybe he's tried sincerely and he really can't EQ skate rink at bat to pass rather than let it be a divisive factor.

Once we try to negotiate these things that irritate us and in them and they just don't change there comes a time in which we say I'm going to accept that that's a part of who they are and I'm going to accept that I'm not put them down and criticize them and try to understand them when they are talking to, but I'm going to accept that say for me was accepting the way my wife loaded the dishwasher. She loaded like she's playing Frisbee and so I had to accept that this realize she don't have the ability to load dishwasher went on to be loaded okay for jurors. It's a grammar problem is worth the effort.

You've already invested some time so maybe get a tutor if these open and tried again but if not, somewhere along the line you have to come to accept it rather than letting it divide the two of you.

I think for her. It's probably we're assuming it's her that she is a correct grammar husband does for her. It's so egregious and so evident and for him. It's like I believe in here.

You know what I use bad grammar with subject and verb, and all I can stuff it's almost like she's trying to if he were left-handed. Trying to get him to be right-handed so for for her it sound like no it's not that way it always just changing of few words but for him it may me more of the struggle for something that he's grown up in that he can't break out of and if she cesium is kinda struggling that way. It probably can soften her little bit toward his his struggle degree.

I think you're right, Chris. Putting putting yourself in his shoes, looking at the world through his eyes as she grew up, and he learned this growing up in a part of this culture and to try to put yourself over there and and recognize that it still is still irritate you anywhere. Anyone that has proper grammar is going irritated by someone who doesn't just it's going to be an irritation. It's it's a matter of whether he can make those changes, or will make those changes are what you're going to have to come to accept them but one other thing to that. She says that this is a struggle for her is a good thing to see. It's like that shouldn't bother me because you know he is a good provider.

He loves me and he says uses my words of affirmation or whatever her love language is she's not spiking that she's seeing that this bugs her now. She needs to come up with a plan to figure out how to do this right. You have to learn how to accept a feasible change right rather than letting it continue to bug her but I think they're still that sense that she will she will be irritated by it, but you can live with irritation. All right, there's our first grandma first-ever grammar question about the love languages now a caller with an honest question about addiction programs, Dr., quick question 12 step program) Alcoholics Anonymous not perfect difficult principles that are utilized in this program but it is for God is a higher power Provident and leave it there until you have to believe anything and a lot of stuff that the Bible is found in there when I understand though, that's just my opinion.

I question thank you. I think the 12 step program can be helpful to a Christian matter fact it was really produced by Christian the fact that they refer to a higher power is simply their effort to try to include non-Christians as well who do need help with addiction as well, but as a Christian. If you take that 12 step program and you in your heart and your mind, you replace God with the higher power the things that they're teaching in that program can be very very helpful to someone who has an addiction that you know there are other programs that are more overtly Christian.

One of those is celebrate recovery. You might Google that and get a picture that but it is overtly Christian. It has some of the same things that you would find in a 12 step program, but it's overtly Christian and there will likely be a church in your community that offer celebrate recovery program is Building Relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman and this is our dear Gary broadcast for March. If you have a relationship question caller number 186-6424 Gary, this is not a counseling line.

We can't call you back. But if you keep your question as brief as possible. Will try to address it here on the program. Also, be sure to turn down any music or the radio in the background. Call us today 186-6424 Gary featured resource is the book for Dr. Jennifer Thomas and Dr. Gary Chapman, the five apology languages.

The secret to healthy relationships. Find out more about that at the website again. Five love languages.com after a spouse has an affair.

What needs to happen is our next caller Gary regarding life after fidelity like in marriage after you fighting helping her get married with your sound on Focus on the Family an interview from the 2019 and thinking about valvetrain and fidelity. Your first recommendation for the unfaithful spouse is to cut off that relationship that the betrayer top infidelity happened myself trade dictating our marriage is that the affair ended maintain a friendship with anything that because now that the actual component of airfare is overweight, the romance of the land that perfectly meant to make an impact on the thing to do.

Maintain a friendship with this person. I am on the opposite opinion and I really like some guidance, because I just need confirmation about night about fiction on the blanket. I maintain that really should not be Pinot Noir contact with this person and and that was my initial reaction, but I found out and to keep things going to have a thank you for the first friendship now and I don't. I just don't see how that can be, and his position as he will not shun her. I don't think any about all her name or anything of that nature. I think you need to make it clear to her that their relationship has to marriage is going to die. Maybe that sounds like that that can be fairly naval behavior that I would appreciate hearing response. Thank you for contacting my question takes sides immediately with couples who have a problem but I will take sides agree with her fully if there's been a sexual affair since, for six years.

You cannot reconcile and remain. Keep a friendship with this other person now identifying with her and her pain and the answer but here's another aspect to it. You see, with her playing with her hurting with her position with which I fully agree the tenancy is that she will simply harp on this and this over and over and over time, this is going to stop this, stop this Stop and the management is not will be reconciled. But if she is what I suggest in the book that I have entitled loving your spouse when you feel like walking away and that is this, do a little experiment asked God to help you for the next three months, four months five months. You decide how long you set a goal. You're not to mention this but you're going to speak his love language. Whatever his primary love languages you want to speak regularly every week you're speaking.

His primary love language to him so that he sees you not pressuring him not pushing him not condemning him, but he sees you loving him unconditionally, which is the way God loves us. Then at the end of that three or four months.

You say to him I don't know how you feel about our relationship. I have really sought to love you 100% over the last several months I haven't mentioned the affair and your friendship with this lady but I don't know if you care about her marriage is much as I do, but if you're not willing to break off this friendship with her.

I'm going to take a step to move away from you. I cannot go along with the pain inside of knowing that you have a friend with the person that you had an affair with for six months six years so I'm going to go for counseling. I would certainly invite you to go with me if you wish, but then I'm going to have to take some steps to remove myself from you. I'm not going to abandon you.

I'm not saying among divorcing him to say I cannot live in the same house with you. You make the decision if you want to go to counseling with me or you can make up your decision whether you want to break up this friendship or not, but that's where I sleep.

That's tough love. At that juncture but the reason tough love often changes the person's decision is because they have been's that have been loved by you unconditionally and no condemnation for three or four months, but only loving them. Now when you take that stand, but got something to lose, and they're going to save themselves.

My something here, but if you simply criticize and press the issue is six months now you been going through this already changes arguments bringing it up. The regular to him. So you do that and he feels condemned by you, then you do the tough love thing he's going to cite himself.

Good riddance. Now go back to my friend. Tough love is far more powerful. After a series of tender love me to suggest that if you like practical help pick up that book loving your spouse when you feel like walking away. I'm still trying to wrap my mind around not just his of positioning of you know, she's just my friend.

There's nothing going on, let's say that's true is just for sake of argument, say that's true, your wife says to you, your relationship with her means that I am no longer going to be in your life and and he's saying I want I want the marriage to stay together.

I don't. I can't fathom why he would continue the friendship then and I guess we have to have his side of the whole thing here, but I just I don't understand that. I think you're right Chris, I think any time a man chooses to say I will stay friends with them, chances are they're still involved with what he says but not necessarily, but you're right if he if he wants the marriage is what should be first in his life and he if he sees how deeply this is hurting her, he should have enough compassion, love for her to do that to break up the relationship.

This is Building Relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman enter March dear Gary broadcast featured resource is the five apology languages.

The secret to healthy relationships, you find that at the website.

Five love languages.com.

I just love the openness and the honesty of this next caller who says in her marriage.

She feels alone a lot.

I baby Christian church to pray. Watching it online with him not being there.

So or affectionate, my love languages like made it okay to work so hard it works: a better day by learned money and a big factor to keep up with.

I want to know what I can do to appreciate everything and I filled out. So alone a lot.

Thank you Chris. It's interesting that deal with the same question in the book I mentioned earlier, loving your spouse when you feel like walking away is being married to a workaholic married to someone who works all the time and there's there's nothing there's no relationship into the work that is not in the marriage and and and what she's feeling. You know she's unimportant to him as a normal feeling you figures for Leica can't keep doing this to walk away and yet it's obvious she she really wants to have a healthy marriage and she's asking what what can she do and I think the answer there lies in the basic approach that I shared in that last with that last question and that is if she's not familiar with "The 5 Love Languages" and doesn't know his love language, then I would say if he won't read the book. If you read the book that the ideal thing to read and discuss it with you. But if he doesn't if he would at least go online and take "The 5 Love Languages" quiz. It's a free quiz and so you would know what his primary love languages and then you ask God to help you to speak his love language on a regular basis over a period of time a few months and I think in the process of doing that often spouse has been unattended to you will begin to turn to you and say things like, what can I do for you, then you can teach him how to speak your love language, but your answers say someone has to take the initiative here that I don't know why he wouldn't be affectionate to you.

I don't know if there's something else going on there and term sexuality, but typically when a person is love.

Who in their mind they know they don't deserve it because they're not responding to the other person but they begin to feel that your loving them. Then, if I don't respond. You take the tough love approach, but often I think they respond before another approach would be this you say to him that if he hasn't read the leveling to so you here's a book that's a help millions of couples have a really good marriage. Would you be willing to read chapter 1 this week and then we talk about at the end of the week and then you ask for Chapter 2 Chapter 3. Don't ask and read the whole book is take a chapter about chapter by chapter. It will give you something to talk about that relates to the heart of this marriage and if he's willing to do that you may well see some change in his in his relationship to you.

If not then you say to him you know I'm pained enough about our relationship that I'm going to go for counseling and life you go with me but if you don't then still I'm still going to have some help that he's working six days a week 12 hours a week. You have to find some others see you on Sunday afternoon light, but a pastor, a pastor might do that for you okay you did not know just sit there take some action because your action will influence him. And if it's positive action. It will influence him in a positive manner. You want to hear in her voice.

It's almost like she's upset that she's upset you know that. Why can I just focus on all the good things that happen here and then at the end she says that I just feel alone. That means there's really not that intimate relates she wants a better marriage is what she wants right absolutely Chris she's crying for that she did appreciate all that he's doing in terms of working to help pay the bills and all of that and yet she feels alone she feels like we're married that were just living in the same house we don't really have a marriage and and that's a normal thing because marriage is not designed to be that way. Marriage is designed to be an intimate relationship where sharing life with each other, encouraging each other, helping each other expressing love to each other and that's what she's longing for and he's the other good thing if his work means that he's on on the road a lot.

You could get the audio version of the book and let him listen to it that way. And then he's doing this you know when these what is going to work or doing whatever he can listen to that chapter, you know, 15 minutes or so and and then you could talk about it when he gets home and be another approach is effective. He's not a reader like he has time to sit down and read. This is Building Relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman, New York Times best-selling author of "The 5 Love Languages" . If you enjoy our program, visit our website.

Five love languages.com you find simple ways to strengthen your relationships are featured resource today is the book by Dr. Chapman and Dr. Jennifer Thomas. The five apology languages. The secret to healthy relationships.

It's got a five love languages.com to find out more.

This is our dear Gary broadcast for March and we would love to hear from you. If you have a question or maybe a follow-up to something here. Today is the number 186-6424 Gary leave a message and we may use your question here on the program. 186-6424 Gary Dr. Chapman disconnected the love languages to the spiritual life and here's a comment from a listener about that connection and I really appreciated everything in particular your book love language.

I had not realized until hearing your comment that my love languages touch but I had my major conversion experience in that major meta-noise and turning to God. It would unchain it and it worked. Had totally taken control of my life my tongue. I raised my hand to create with my voice and my hands up in the air. It was quite a static and I didn't realize until now that that was indeed a God touching me in a unique way because I am a person who really don't need enjoy physical touch. I'm going to do further research on this and I thank you so very much because it was very insightful and always I have many of your book. Greatly appreciate your ministry and how you connect the psychological with the spiritual with the physical and it certainly does and has enriched my marriage these many years I've been married for 41 years, so got beat you to your team may continue to live a long life and continue to glorify God through this wonderful ministry that he has given you blessing to care now by some of the accepted affirmation from her yet. It's been very encouraging to me to see the way people who read read the book of God's picture love language to look at their own lies in their own conversion experience and see that God was actually speaking my love language if it was words of affirmation. It was it was certain words in the Bible or the preacher gave that just God used to speak to their heart. You know that that there's forgiveness. There's eternal life. I love you so that it it says no, that is kind of like it's a moment like she had oh that's why it happened like that God was speaking my love language course. The rest of the book I talk about.

Once we become believers we just by nature, express our love to God in our love language so if it's physical touch.

Yes we raise our hands when we say that we sometimes get on our knees when we pray our bodies involved in this relationship with God so that's a fascinating study.

I really enjoyed writing that book, and doing the research for this book so I'm glad that I'm glad that she found it helpful. I think that's the first I mean you've got a little a lot of affirmation over the last few years, but that is the first blessing that came from a caller who said God bless you and your long life and then she mentioned the team that works with you, so thank you for those those kind words that you said about Dr. Chapman and all of us here at Building Relationships. If you go to the website and find out more.

Five love languages.com five love languages.com right Gary this next call is a little difficult to hear there some children there's noise in the background lot going on in that room and there was a lot going on in this callers heart where there may have changed more change going to change who I am divorced.

I think reading about money like walking away. And one more try reading. I think that for better in mind marriage on my card and you know you and I are currently right now we're living apart. We hire the military I move back home.

I needed more emotional support here ain't coming back. Go back to reconciling file reading. My question really and you could be where I am fighting for reconciliation even file if he found over and I no longer able to fight any more with this caller appreciate her spirit. Her attitude she wants to work on the marriage.

I do think that the approach she's taking right now is the right approach to take. That is, she's trying to be kind to him to express love to him even though now there's a distance because apparently he's deployed. I think that is the right approach and if he does in fact spurn all of that and continue to move the divorce and does file for divorce. She cannot put the marriage together.

One person cannot make a marriage. It takes two people for that.

I think at that juncture, she has to accept the reality that he has rejected her. He has divorced her now hear something she did not talk about and I could be wrong here, but most of the time when a man gets to the place that he says to his wife. I don't love you anymore.

I don't like you anymore. He's already involved with somebody else.

I'm not saying he is in this case, I don't know but I do know that many many times he speak overtly communicates that to his wife because he's already found someone else that he's involved with that being the case, he's not likely to turn around because he's experiencing all the euphoric feelings that come with a new romantic relationship and he thinks that he's probably found the one that was going to make him happy, what he doesn't know is he will come down off that high and the other person will turn out to be human and I probably can. Happy either but she that's has nothing do with her. I'm just saying. In my opinion, that's likely what's happened here, but I think she will never regret being kind. During this time, treating him with dignity and respect and kindness and love she will never, she will never feel badly about having done that, even though he rejected it and he walked away so I would suggest that she continue there. That approach until the divorce is finalized and when that happens. Then she says okay you made the decision and there's nothing I can do to keep you from divorcing. So I'm going to seek God and ask him to guide my life and see what God has for me in the future I would give this warning if that happens, don't get involved with someone else romantically anytime soon because many times when a person does make a very very poor decision out of their loneliness and their hurt.

Take time to mature, spend time with God. Get involved in the church. If you're not already. And in health, and develop friendships and and even get counseling for yourself to work through the pain that you're feeling and make the next year year of personal growth in your own life with God and with that with them with friends and and and see what God has for you in the future.

The double edged sword. Here is the pregnancy and him saying as soon as the baby is born were done, you know that just tears your heart out. It does, and I don't know if she has other children. There were children in the background so maybe there's other children as well as some I'm glad she's with her parents.

It sounds like is what she's met. She's with her parents so that she does have some support.

And then the emotional ups and downs of just the pregnancy to factor all of this in and it's just a storm that she's going through so maybe the best thing we could do just here right here is to just posit what you pray for her. Would you pray for him and all that's in. We thank him for his service to this country and in what he's doing but just for God to be in the middle of this whole thing sure father. You know the situation you know everything about him about her. I pray that your spirit will minister to her in her deep pain. I thank you for her desire to work on her marriage. Thank you for her commitment to you and I pray that during this time. Your spirit will minister to her brain into her life, friends and pastoral counselor that can encourage and help her walk through this painful time.

I pray for him. You know where he is with you. You know what's going on in his life, and I pray that your spirit will touch your spirit and open his eyes to the truth and let him see the situation as you see the situation you alone know how to touch his heart and open his eyes and that's what we pray for in the name of Christ.

This is Building Relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman, author of the New York Times bestseller "The 5 Love Languages" you can find out more about that book at our website. Five love languages.com as well as our featured resource. The five apology languages. The secret to healthy relationships. It's written by Dr. Jennifer Thomas and Dr. Chapman again got a five love languages.com Gary I want you to hear from single caller today and thank you singles for asking some really good questions. If you want to join us.

Here's our number 186-6424 Gary ask any questions you would like of Dr. Gary Chapman, "The 5 Love Languages" , 866424 Gary now what is he going to say to this question. I find my but I got quite a lot.greatly I know my love limited outdoor go there That may also want and not a lot of that help you go about like what you take in, but by handle that little of space it as humans, we have natural sexual desires and is a single person who is unmarried, lusts can be predominant. It can control your mind and your thoughts.

I do think being involved in a church would be very very helpful for you, especially in a group of singles in a church I think can be helpful.

A church that has a program for singles is demonstrating that they care about single adults and I think in those places where there's some teaching from the Bible as well as a relationship and friendships with with each other will be very helpful to that doesn't necessarily answer.

However, the temptation to lust. I think there are things that you can do that will help you control the lustful desires you have, so that they don't lead to sinful behavior. One of those courses challenging in deciding what you're going to observe what you're going to look at because we know that the mail is stimulated sexually by site so that would mean no pornography. I don't mean pornography once every six weeks on the no pornography because pornography is an unreal world. It denigrates women makes women an object is never, ever right and never never helpful and that will be difficult if in fact you been involved with that it will be difficult but with God's help, you can make that decision and you burn the bridges spent were you been reaching out in that matter. Burn those bridges so that you don't fall back into that. Think another helpful thing would be to reach out for Christian counseling so that you have someone who has an understanding of human nature and our emotional struggles that can you can that you can talk with that you could be open and honest with Christian counseling is simply a Christian who has a heart for helping people and to simply share with a friend who may not know much more than you do about situation is one thing but to have conversations on a regular basis with someone is trained to help you walk the Christian life would be most helpful.

So those are the two things are coming to my mind right away that I think will help you with the problem of lost. He mentioned at the beginning of trying to find my place in the church.

I think those were very interesting.

It sounds may be that had been heard at one point in the church were kinda moved away from it for one reason or another lot of people fall into that category. But the answer is to not move further away from God's people. It's to move toward them and you mentioned counseling men's groups as well can be really really helpful. I think absolutely Chris, I was certain encourage that to get in a man's group because many men deal with this. Let us face it, it's a common problem with me so yeah I think Christian men's group would be very very helpful. Thank you again for your call today and your honesty and your openness. There was caller. We had always been a few months ago who asked a specific question about receiving forgiveness from God for sexual sin in his life, and I think I'm as one can encapsulate what he was talking about.

He was specific about what it happened earlier in his life and he said I'm so sorry I'm so repentant about what I participated in back then but his main question was how do I fully repent of that and know that God is forgiven me and it sounds like it every time he he prays or he is going to church or whatever these thoughts from the past come back haunting him or accusing him how would you counsel him Chris. I think the work of Satan is to condemn us for every wrong thing we've ever done. And so if in earlier years. We did something that really we knew was was against the plans of God and weak eventually. And we realize that it felt guilty about it.

If we genuinely honestly repent of that the word means. Repent means to turn away from to walk in the other direction. We repent of that and we acknowledge the God that we failed and we thank God that Christ has paid the penalty for our failures and that we want to be forgiven and were asking him to forgive us. The Bible says we repent of our sins and confess our sins to God. He does forgive us.

That is the central message of the Bible that Christ died on the cross to pay for our sins so God can now forgive us.

So I think understanding that the Scriptures that are very, very clear about that is the first step and obviously Elise. It seems obvious to me he has repented he has asked forgiveness. But when the memory comes back. The pain, the guilt comes back. Here's what I would suggest when the thought comes back and the guilt comes back you say to God, Lord, you know what I'm remembering and you know what I'm feeling again. I'm feeling guilty again, but I think you that you have forgiven me to the Bible says that he would know he will no longer hold our sins against us.

God does not hold your sins against you, and if a holy God does not hold your sins against you now that you been forgiven. You must choose to forgive yourself. So you decide. Lord, you know what I'm remembering you know what I'm feeling but I thank you that this is false guilt.

The enemy is trying to destroy me by bringing back the memory of these things that I've done in the past and so I just want to thank you that I'm forgiven and I pray that you will drive the enemy away from a heart away from my mind and let me experience the freedom of knowing that I am forgiven by you. So delete that would be my suggestion to you and you may also want talk to yourself stand in front of the mirror and say self. Yes, you did a horrible thing and yes you suffered a lot emotionally from this and spiritually. From this, but you have asked God to forgive you and God has promised that he forgives all who turn to him in repentance, so God is forgiven you, and self I'm going to forgive you your dog and yourself.

You forgiven yourself. I'm going to forgive your mother hold this against you, and then you say now, Lord, help me to accomplish your purposes in my life from this day forward and now you find ways to invest your life and serving God by serving others.

God has listen look at the Bible and all the people who did horrible things, and yet when they repented God forgave him and God use them as long as you're alive.

God has a purpose for your life and plans for your life. Things he wants to do in you and through you soaked focus on the future rather than on the past. In a way, it kind of dovetails with the apology languages because one person could say I'm sorry and the other person says well I don't think you gave it apology.

This person is giving the apology to God, but still doesn't feel that and I think you're exactly right when you trust in his forgiveness in your life and you claim that you've renounced the stuff that you've done.

You claim that in your life and you say unclothed with the righteousness of Christ. You go down the Ephesian passages then that can change your mindset and can really set you free and that's a great answer that correct.

I want to give the phone number if anything we talked about here today cause you to say I wonder what Dr. Chapman would say about this in my life. It might even be grandma 866424 Gary that's the number four I listen leave your message. 186-6424 Gary five love languages.com to see the book was written by Thomas Chapman five apology languages secret healthy relationships again.

Five love languages.com and next week you rebuild your life.

Someone don't miss an important conversation about how one will be gone. Let me think I went to Janice Todd. Building Relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman radiance a ministry and thanks for listening


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