Is Sex OK in a Committed Dating Relationship?

Is marital intimacy okay in a committed dating relationship? That's just one of the questions we'll be answering on today's edition of Core Christianity. Well, hi, this is Bill Meyer along with Pastor Adriel Sanchez, and this is the radio program where we answer your questions about the Bible and the Christian life every day. We would love to hear from you, and our phone lines are open right now. You can call us at 833-843-2673.

If you want to spell that out, it's 833 THE CORE. Of course, you can always post your question on our Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter account. You can watch Adriel live right now on YouTube and send us a message through our YouTube channel. And you can always email us your question at questionsatcorechristianity.com. First up today, let's go to a voicemail from one of our listeners named Carla. Hi, Pastor. I am a young Christian striving for a better relationship with Christ, and I have a question that's always been on my heart. I know that, you know, fornication is a sin in my generation, which is like Gen Z. We fall into the sin of fornication quite frequently, living together, living with one boyfriend, not being married. But I want to know if you have to be government married, like by law, or can you just come to God with yourself and ask him if it's okay for you guys to live together?

I really don't understand, and it's always been kind of confusing for me. Please, please help me understand a little bit more about providing you with some scripture and your perspective on the whole thing. Thank you so much, and I'm praying you have a blessed one. Hey, thank you for your message there.

So just a number of things. The first thing I would say is, no, I do not believe that it's proper or right for two individuals, for two Christians to say, hey, you know, we like each other, we've been dating for some time. Let's just, you know, maybe say a prayer, and maybe through that we can be married in God's eyes, and we'll be together, and everything's fine, and we can have all of the benefits that go along with marriage, and it won't be a big deal, that kind of a thing. And I know, especially for young couples, young believers, that this is a thought that crosses their minds. And oftentimes my concern is, are we not just trying to find loopholes in order to engage in fornication? A couple of things too that I want to just say to you specifically is, you don't want to be with someone who puts their pleasure, who prioritizes their pleasure above your sanctification, your growth in grace.

You want to be with someone as a follower of Jesus who is going to respect you, who is going to honor you, and ultimately who is going to honor the Lord, who is going to put the Lord first in his life, and who's going to strive to live in a holy manner, according to what Scripture says. And of course, Scripture makes it absolutely clear that sex outside of marriage is fornication. And so what constitutes a marriage? What do you have to do to be right in God's eyes, as it were, at least with regard to this issue? Well, you need to be married. I mean, the Apostle Paul says in 1 Corinthians chapter 7, it's better to marry than to burn with passion.

And marriage is not just two people saying, yeah, let's be together forever kind of a thing. It is this, we might even say, covenantal contractual act that happens. I think you see this from the very earliest pages of the Bible. When Adam and Eve came together in Genesis chapter 2, we read in verse 20 that the Lord caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man. And while he slept, he took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. And the man said, this at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh.

She shall be called woman because she was taken out of man. Therefore, a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. This language of leaving and cleaving to this other person, it's covenantal. We might even say there's this sort of legally binding aspect. And this is the reason why Moses, for example, when he's talking about divorce, he talks about giving a certificate of divorce. This is a legal act. Jesus confirmed this.

Moses talked about it in Deuteronomy chapter 24, but Jesus confirmed that in Matthew chapter 19. In other words, I think demonstrating that there's more to it than just, hey, we're married now. Let's just agree that we're married and so we're married. No, marriage is also a civil institution, if you will.

It's something that happens not just within the church, but outside of the life of the church under civil authority. And so you think about Paul's words in Romans chapter 12 about obeying the law of the land. All of these things put together, I think make it clear in scripture that there's more to marriage than just the two of you coming together and deciding that you're married. And so I would say abstain from sexual intercourse, from fornication, pursue holiness in your relationship, pursue growing in grace, and get married.

I mean, that's essentially the advice that Paul gives. If this is the right thing, if indeed this is the person that God is calling you to be with, then yeah, on the basis of 1 Corinthians chapter 7. And in scripture, it's clear that we're called to marry in the Lord. But I would just say right now, if this is a really serious issue and if this individual, if the two of you are not honoring the Lord in this, and if this individual has no interest in honoring the Lord in this, then I would just take a step back. Maybe this isn't the right relationship because you want to be with someone who's going to prioritize God and walking with the Lord and faith in Jesus first and foremost, even in your relationship. And so again, thank you for your question, for giving us a call. May God bless you as you continue to seek to honor Him with your life.

Such great advice, Adriel. And you know, I was just thinking about it from a social science perspective. We often talk about how the Lord reveals Himself to us through nature, through His creation. And all the social science points to the negatives about living together outside of marriage. I mean, everything from higher levels of domestic abuse, higher levels of divorce. And if a woman gets pregnant in a relationship like that, there's a high likelihood the guy is gone within a year leaving her as a single mom. So it's just not good news for young people today.

Yeah, some of those stats are really discouraging. And so, you know, we just, we need to be encouraged to pursue the Lord first and foremost in our lives and to partner with people who are gonna do that as well. And I know, you know, that the passions are raging. And that's why it's so important that we're in good church communities, that we have accountability, encouragement, and people around us who are walking with us to help us to walk with the Lord as well. And so appreciate again, that question.

Thanks for that insight, Bill. You know, we actually have a wonderful resource that answers a lot of the tough questions that come in here on Core Christianity about sexuality, about the Bible and science, you name it. It's called Tough Questions Answered, and it's available for you for free at our website. Yeah, it's only about 50 pages long. And one of the things that this resource gets into is just the Bible's view of sexuality.

You know, there's some people that think it's just too restrictive. But not just that, I mean, it talks about other religions, Islam, you know, what about Buddhism? What about science, as you said, Bill, and religion, science, and faith. And so if you have those kinds of questions, you might want to get a hold of this resource. Again, as Bill said, it's for free, and you can find it over at corechristianity.com. Love to have you pick that book up.

It's a wonderful resource. If you're talking to somebody who has doubts about the Christian faith, maybe you've got doubts and you've got some questions. Or if you're talking to an atheist or agnostic, and they're kind of peppering you with those questions, you have a tough time answering.

This book will help you. Again, it's called Tough Questions Answered. Just go to corechristianity.com forward slash offers to find it. Well, here's our phone number. If you have a question for Adriel about the Bible, the Christian life, Christian living or theology doctrine, he's open to whatever you'd like to ask. Here's the number 833-THE-CORE.

That's 1-833-843-2673. Let's go to Karen in Fresno, California. Karen, what's your question for Adriel?

Hello. Hi, Pastor Sanchez, and thank you for taking my question. My question is about 1 Corinthians 3, 12 to 15. I would like if you could explain this passage, especially verse 15, where it says, A man's works are burned, he suffers loss, and he himself is saved as by fire.

And that's my first question. And the second part of it, in regards to this, the thing that brought this up for me is a conversation with a friend where he was saying that people in this situation, meaning saved, but everything is lost due to fire or burned, will not be invited to the marriage supper of the Lamb and will be second-class citizens in heaven. What are your thoughts on this? And thank you so much for what you do, taking questions like this. I really appreciate it, and may God bless you.

Thank you, Karen, and appreciate your encouragement there. So 1 Corinthians 3, here in the context, the Apostle Paul is talking about his apostolic ministry, in particular his apostolic ministry as a preacher, as one who is proclaiming the Gospel and laying the foundation, if you will, of the Church, the proclamation of Jesus Christ. And there were divisions going on there in Corinth. This is one of the themes in the book of 1 Corinthians. People were saying, I am of Paul, I am of Apollos, so on and so forth. And so Paul tells them in verse 5 of chapter 3, What then is Apollos?

What is Paul? Servants, through whom you believed, as the Lord assigned to each. I planted, Apollos watered, but God gave the growth. So neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything, but only God who gives the growth. And then he goes on to describe essentially this ministry that he's been participating in as a skilled master builder, he says. I laid a foundation, verse 10, and someone else is building on it.

Let each one take care how he builds on it. And again, talking specifically about the proclamation, the preaching of the Gospel, for no one can lay a foundation, verse 11, other than that which is laid, which is Jesus Christ. Now, he says, if anyone builds on the foundation with gold, silver, precious stones, wood, hay, straw, each one's work will become manifest, for the day will disclose it. In other words, on the day of judgment, you know, those works, the motives even behind the preaching, all of that is going to be revealed, and it will be revealed by fire. The fire will test what sort of work each one has done, verse 13.

If the work that anyone has built on the foundation survives, he will receive a reward. If anyone's work is burned up, he will suffer loss, though he himself will be saved, but only as through fire. And that's that verse that you mentioned there, verse 15 that you had a question about. Paul is just highlighting here, look, as I'm fulfilling this apostolic ministry, preaching the Gospel, the foundation that is laid is Jesus Christ.

You can't build on the foundation with anything else. If other people are coming, and what they're teaching is taught from the wrong motives, or there's air mixed in, there's going to be a sifting, if you will, through those works. They're going to come under God's scrutiny, under God's judgment, and all is going to be revealed on the last day, on the day of judgment. Now, that doesn't mean that those individuals won't necessarily be saved, and that's what he highlights there in verse 15. They're going to be saved still, but they're not going to receive any commendation for the preaching that they did, that sort of wood, hay, and stubble, that kind of preaching. And so that's the distinction that he's making there. Now, there's a question about, well, what do these rewards look like?

Well, we're not entirely sure. I think it's just this commendation from the Lord himself. But with regard to the second part of your question, this idea that the person described in verse 15 is not going to be able to attend the marriage supper of the Lamb, that they're not invited, that they're going to be maybe on the outskirts of heaven, or second-class citizens, as you put it.

That's not true at all. I reject that idea. There are no second-class citizens in heaven. No one in heaven is going to say, boy, I'm hearing the bleachers. It's kind of a bummer, that kind of a thing.

No, not at all. We're going to be in the presence of the Lord based on the merits of Jesus Christ. And so while we don't understand or may not know 100% right now what these rewards look like, how they play out there in the presence of the Lord, we do know that no one is going to be bummed out, not participating in the marriage supper of the Lamb. That's for all of God's people redeemed by the blood of Jesus Christ.

Karen, if you're worried about that for yourself, wondering, am I going to be a second-class citizen in heaven? I believe in Jesus. I've embraced him. I've received his forgiveness.

But man, I still struggle. I hope I make it to the marriage supper part. Just know you're going to be welcomed there through the blood of your Savior, Jesus Christ. He's going to welcome you himself. And that's a hope that we all have through faith in Jesus. Amen. This is Core Christianity.

We'd love to hear your questions about the Bible or the Christian life or maybe how your Christian walk is intersecting with what's going on in today's culture. Here's the phone number to call. It's 833-THE-CORE. That's 833-843-2673. We'll be taking your calls for the next eight or nine minutes or so. So jump on the phone right now or leave us a voicemail anytime, 24 hours a day. Let's go to Haley calling in from Nebraska. Haley, what's your question for Pastor Adriel?

Hi. OK, so the Lord recently had introduced me to somebody and we became friends. He goes to church with me and Bible studies and so on and so forth. But I was noticing some things I asked him about, like actual beliefs. And he believes in God and he prays to the God of Abraham. But he has told me that he doesn't see Jesus as anything more than just a prophet. He does not believe that Jesus is Lord. He believes in heaven, but somehow doesn't believe in hell. And he also, he has stated that he believes that, you know, there will be more people, pretty much that any person that's just a good person will end up in heaven. And he also doesn't believe that anything outside of Genesis and Revelation is the word of God, like an accurate depiction of the word of God. He just kind of got this all over theology. So I'm just trying to figure out, like, what would be the best way for me to minister to him without insulting his relationship with the Lord that he does have and without kind of running him off, but also being blunt and true to the gospel. Yeah, well, boy, it sounds like there's a lot there, kind of where to begin. And I think the most important thing was the first thing that you brought up, and that's the identity of Jesus Christ.

I said this on the program recently. There's no more important question that an individual can answer than who is Jesus. You get this wrong and we're lost. I mean, this is why John in the book of 1st John, when he talked about the spirit of the Antichrist in 1st John chapter 4, he says what the spirit of the Antichrist wants us to miss is the identity of Jesus and the work of Jesus. The spirit of the Antichrist is out in the world today denying that Jesus Christ came in the flesh, that he died for our sins. And so if the evil one can take our eyes off of Jesus, if he can confuse us about who Jesus is by convincing people that Jesus was just merely a good man or a prophet or a zealot or something like that, but that he isn't the eternal son of God, the second person of the Holy Trinity who came to earth for us and for our salvation, that's the crucial thing.

And so in terms of you being an encouragement to this individual, to your friend, I think continuing to go to church, if he wants to come to church, I think that that's wonderful. Prayer, obviously, that the Lord Jesus would open his eyes so that he might see and understand who Christ is. Do you remember what Jesus said to Peter when Jesus asked, Peter, who do you say that I am? Peter said, you are the Christ, the son of the living God. And Jesus' response was, blessed are you, Simon, son of Jonah, flesh and blood has not revealed this to you, but my Father who is in heaven. And so what you need, Haley, is the heavenly Father to open the eyes of this man, to reveal to him by the grace of the Holy Spirit who Jesus really is.

And how does God typically do that? He does it through his Word. And so I think continuing to open up the scriptures together, I was just thinking of Jesus' words in John 14 verse 1, where he said to his disciples, let not your hearts be troubled, believe in God, believe also in me. Your friend doesn't just need to believe in God, he needs to believe in Jesus, who according to John's gospel very clearly and so many other places in the Bible is God, the second person of the Holy Trinity. And so I would say, pray, pray that the Lord would open his heart and search the scriptures and know what it is that you believe, why you believe it on the basis of scripture and share that with him.

Go to passages in the scripture that make it absolutely clear that Jesus is God. Throughout the gospels, throughout the epistles, I mean, you see this everywhere, all over the place. I think about what the apostle Paul said in the book of Romans, in Romans chapter 10, where he talks about believing in Jesus Christ. Verse 9, because if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved for with the heart one believes and is justified and with the mouth one confesses and is saved. And then he goes down in verse 13 and says, for everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved. Now what's interesting about that is Paul is quoting from the book of Joel, all who call upon the name of the Lord will be saved. And that quotation has to do with calling on the name of Yahweh, God. And so Paul there in Romans chapter 10 is saying, Jesus is God, and we call upon him as such so that he might redeem us, so that he might save us. And so Haley, may the Lord bless you as you pray for your friend, as you guys continue to go to church together, and may he open his heart to the truth of the gospel, to the truth of his word, as you continue to share that with him as well. God bless. Haley, we'd love to send you a link to the resource that we've been mentioning. It's called Tough Questions Answered, and it will really help you in your conversations with this young man to really point out to him what the Bible actually says about Jesus, and answer probably a lot of his other questions as well.

We'd like to make that available to all of our listeners. It's called Tough Questions Answered, and you can find that for free at our website. Just go to corechristianity.com forward slash offers and look for Tough Questions. Let's go to... Oh, go ahead.

I'm sorry. I was just going to say, Bill, I wrote a short devotional called Seeing Jesus. It's all about who Jesus is, and taking snapshots from the gospels to help us further understand who Christ revealed himself to be. And maybe if Haley is still on the line, we can send her that resource, Seeing Jesus, so yeah.

Right. Haley, thanks so much for your call. Thanks for listening to Core Christianity, and for searching God's word.

We are just to really appreciate the fact that when our listeners take the time to really dig into the scriptures, and then discuss who Jesus is with their friends and their relatives. Let's go back to the phones. We have Christine on the phone from St. Peter's, Missouri.

Christine, what's your question for Pastor Adriel? Yes, hello. Hi, Christine. Hi. Hey, Christine, we're here.

Can you hear us? Yeah, I'm trying to... Hold on. Okay, I'm sorry about that. No problem. What's your question? Yeah.

Okay, basically it's not a question. It's a prayer request, and I wanted to have a prayer request, if at all possible, for my mother. And she is in the ICU in the hospital with double COVID pneumonia.

Okay. And she's 73. Her name is Barbara. And I just would love to have God's healing hands come upon her and command that the sickness leave her in Jesus' name. I'm very upset, sorry, but I just don't feel like this is her time to go. I mean, I'm sure Jesus, if he has other plans, that that's what's in store for her, but I just would like to have a prayer go out for her to heal her.

Hi, Christine. I would be happy to pray for you and to invite all of our listeners to pray as well. I think of the words of the psalmist in Psalm chapter 30. I will extol you, O Lord, for you have drawn me up. You have not let my foes rejoice over me. O Lord, my God, I cried to you for help, and you have healed me. O Lord, you have brought me up. You have brought up my soul from Sheol.

You restored me to life from among those who go down to the pit. And so I want to pray that for Barbara, for your mother, and may the Lord be with you in this time. Gracious Father in heaven, Lord, we know that there are so many people who are suffering right now and crying out to you, and we join them, Lord, in crying out to you and asking for your mercy, especially right now for Barbara, Lord, as she is in the ICU with a double COVID pneumonia, Lord. I ask, Lord Jesus, that you would bring healing, that your healing hand would be upon her, that you would fill her with your Holy Spirit, drawing her up to yourself, Lord, restoring her body. I pray also for Christine, Lord, that you would fill her with the sense of your presence, with your peace, knowing, God, that you know all things, that you are over all things, that this circumstance did not surprise you, and that you are good and gracious to your people.

And so would you help her to trust in you? And would you please bring healing in Barbara's life and for her to life and for all those, Lord, who are suffering and sick right now, would you pour your Spirit out upon them and bring healing in Jesus' name. Amen. Christine, may the Lord be with you and bless you. Thanks for calling. Thanks for listening to Core Christianity. To request your copy of today's special offer, visit us at corechristianity.com and click on offers in the menu bar or call us at 1-833-843-2673. That's 833, the core. When you contact us, please let us know how you've been encouraged by this program. And be sure to join us next time as we explore the truth of God's word together.