When We Feel Frustrated - Part 1

Welcome to the In Touch Podcast with Charles Stanley for Monday, January 24th. How often do you feel stuck or annoyed? Keep yourself from careless reactions as you learn to rest in Jesus as the source of your strength when you feel frustrated. Sometimes without warning you and I find ourselves stepping into a valley we didn't ask for and we can't do anything about. And oftentimes the instant response within us is frustration, something we cannot control, something we cannot change, something we can do absolutely nothing about. And I want to say to you today that walking in that valley oftentimes is a very frustrating situation.

And sometimes we walk in it a long time and then all of a sudden something happens. Now, the title of this message today is part of our series, The Source of Our Strength When Feeling Frustrated. And I want you to turn, if you will, to Philippians chapter four, because in Philippians chapter four, this man, the apostle Paul, has a lot of reasons to be frustrated and a lot of reasons to be uncomfortable, dissatisfied, disheartened, disillusioned, because he is in a circumstance he cannot change and there doesn't seem to be a whole lot of evidence that it's going to change.

So writing to the Philippian church and thanking them for what they have done for him in the past and what they're doing now, here's what he says in verse 10. But I rejoiced in the Lord greatly that now at last you have revived your concern for me. Indeed, you were concerned before, but you lacked opportunity. Not that I speak from want, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstance I am. I know how to get along with humble means and also know how to live in prosperity in any and every circumstance. I've learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need. Then he says, this is what I've learned, that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Now I want you to go back, if you will, to Isaiah chapter 14. There's one verse here primarily that I want us to look at that has to do with this whole issue of frustration. Look, if you will, at this one verse.

He says in verse 27, for the Lord of hosts has planned. Who can frustrate it? That is, who can frustrate his plans? And as for his stretched out hand, who can turn it back?

So I want you to think about this for a moment. Who can move sovereignty? He is a sovereign God who's in absolute control of all things. Who can move him, shove him, push him?

Who can pull him and knock him around? If you are one of those believers who thinks and feels that you're a victim of the circumstances of other people or your circumstances, then you're going to live in frustration all your life, not knowing how to respond and what to do. But once you come to grips with who God really and truly is and begin to relate to him on the basis of who he is, not maybe someone who is thinking about him, you'll be amazed at what happens to your life. Now, when I think about frustration, I used to think about the way most people do, until I began to realize there's a different way to think about frustration. And let me explain what it is. First of all, frustration is that feeling that I am being hindered. There's a barrier between me and what I want to accomplish or achieve, where I want to go to, something I want to accomplish over here. It may be in a relationship with someone. It may be something in your business.

It may be something mechanical. In fact, you can feel frustrated about machinery, about persons, about your pet dog who won't come and you keep on calling him. Or you can feel frustrated about lots of things. But frustration says something is holding me back. Something's clipped my wings.

I can't do what I want to do. And so we want to do it. We have a goal. We have a desire. And somehow there's something there that keeps holding us back. Sometimes we know what it is.

Sometimes we do not. Now, I want to look at frustration in light of two perspectives. One of them is frustration that exhausts us, that drains our energy and would almost destroy us. And then there's the frustration that excites us.

So there are two kinds of frustration. Now, I want us to look at this passage, not so much this passage, but look at it in the light of what Paul said in Philippians and also here in Isaiah, remembering that here he is now in prison. He's been out there preaching and carrying on his missionary work. And all of a sudden, here he is in jail. Can't carry on his missionary work.

Can't see his friends like he used to. I can't have the fellowship with them. I can't be discipling people.

Can't be establishing new churches. Isn't that what you call me to do, God? Here I am in prison. And so he had a lot of reasons to feel very frustrated being confined to a jail.

And yet this man said to the Philippian church, listen, he said, don't worry about me. He says, I have learned to be contented in whatever circumstance I find myself. I am no longer frustrated sitting here in this prison cell. Now, when I think about the things that frustrate you and me and causes frustration, and then I think about here's the apostle Paul in jail, then I want to feel ashamed over the little insignificant things that would cause me or cause you to be frustrated.

But I think there's a tremendous truth here that I want to be sure we get a hold of. Now, the first thing I think we need to look at is this, that frustration isn't an external thing. In other words, that person or that thing of this situation, circumstance can't frustrate me unless I allow it. So frustration has its root on the inside of me, not on the outside.

It is not something on the outside. Now, normally we want to look for somebody to blame, some circumstance that we want to change, if out of this or if out of that. If that would change, he would change, she would change, this would change.

If I had this, that, if this hadn't happened, if I felt this way, if I had good health, we can all think of a lot of things in life that we would like to change. But you see, frustration is not the result of all of that. Those things in life or persons or circumstances or situations trigger something that is already in us. And so these feelings of frustration come out as a result of being triggered by some circumstance or some person or some situation in our life.

Now, when people feel that way, they respond in all different kinds of ways. Sometimes a person says, I'm sick and tired of this job, I'm not putting up with this anymore, I don't like the boss, I don't like the folks I work with, and so I'm just not putting up with it, I'm frustrated, every day I go to work I feel frustrated, I am quitting. So they make a decision to quit their job. Was that the will of God?

More than likely it wasn't. Because they based it on the external circumstances that they didn't like. Sometimes when a person can't handle their frustration, the ultimate decision is to take their life. They can't handle it. They just, they look at life, they look at circumstances, they think, I can't handle any more of this, I've done the best I know how, I don't know what to do, and so it's just better for me to check out and get out of everybody's way.

That is always the devil's lie. And so people respond in different ways. Now what we have to ask is, if my circumstance in that person's situation and relationship is not the cause of my frustration, then I have to ask the question, what is it? So it's probably one of about three things. Sometimes it is the inability of a person to accept themselves the way God made them.

For example, now I want you to listen carefully to this. I'm talking about primarily those people who live in a state of frustration. You say, what do you mean by that? I'm talking about levels of frustration. Now some people, their level of frustration is real low.

They're just not quite satisfied and they can't put it together and they don't know exactly why, but they can manage. Then there's that level of frustration where it really interferes with most of what's going on in their life. Then that level of frustration that just drives them and it's difficult for people to be around them. You don't want to be around them sometimes.

And so what do they do? They resort to all kinds of things. And there's so many people who are running to doctors today that try to deal with something that has nothing to do with anything physically originally. Now it can ultimately result in physical sickness and disease, but ultimately, if you trace back the real cause, it is an inner sense of dissatisfaction of themselves. For example, here's a person who says, well, you know, no matter what I'll do in life, I won't ever look any better. People are dissatisfied the way they look, dissatisfied with their talents and their gifts in life. They look at other people and say, well, he can do that and she can do this and they can have that and she can have this and those families can have these things and we can't. This is just my lot in life.

I don't like it. And so they live in a state of frustration that somehow, somehow in life, God's dealt them a bad deal and either he forgot something or he missed out, he doesn't love them as much. And so they just live with this. Friend, God never intended for you to live with that kind of frustration.

He doesn't make any mistakes. He doesn't do everything the way you and I would do it. He doesn't do everything the way what we want him to do. But there is a level of frustration because I don't like my circumstance and I don't like the way I am. Well, there's a second reason I think there's a root cause of it, and that is the reluctance to deal with things in the past. And I think in many people's lives, one of the primary sources, root causes of their level of frustration, whether it's low, medium or high level of frustration, is they won't deal with things in the past. And so instead of facing up to something back there that has made a real indelible impression upon them, instead of facing up to it, they just sort of live with it. And so the easiest thing to do is to blame him, her, it, to blame circumstance, if I had this, if I had that. Instead of dealing with the past, that's what they do.

Well, that doesn't work either. A third root cause of frustration is our refusal to deal with what we know is not the will of God for our life at the present time. It's one thing to be frustrated over what, how we think God made us, about what's happened in the past, but what are the present thing? And there are many people who live in a state of frustration because they won't deal with a present-day attitude or habit in their life. You see, if a person is bitter or resentful or hostile or unforgiving, it isn't making them as what you do. You will never, never, never escape frustration. Because first of all, God's not going to allow you to do it.

And secondly, a bitter spirit, resentful hostility and anger, an un-Christ-like spirit, an ungodly spirit towards someone else is going to create frustration because you're always having to do what? Defend yourself. Prove that they're wrong. You're right, they're wrong. You're right, they're wrong.

You're right, they're wrong every time you see them. Or if it's some situation or maybe geographically, whatever it might be. And so people do all kind of things.

Here's what's happening. There are multitudes of people, people who sit in church Sunday after Sunday, who come to church uptight, who stay there uptight, who leave uptight, who go home and live all week long uptight and come back next week uptight. They're frustrated with life. You can name any and every circumstance in life.

None of those things have to do with happiness and peace and joy. And so what happens? After a while, they get frustrated and they continue to be frustrated and they think, well, there must be something wrong with me. Now listen to this.

There must be something wrong with me. So what do they do? They find them a good doctor. They go to the doctor and say, well, doctor, I just don't feel good. Well, don't you know doctors get tired of you and people say that? I just don't feel good. What's wrong with you? I don't know, but there's something must be wrong with me. And so what are they doing?

They're just running. And so, doctor, what do you feel? Well, I'm tired all the time.

I bet you the doctors hear that 10,000 times a day. I'm tired all the time. I'm just worn out. I'm just wrung out. I need something. What do you need?

Is there anything you can give me? They can give you a shot. They can give you a pill. I mean, listen, they're loaded. Pharmaceutical companies are loaded with folks like you. In other words, they love for people to come and say, I just need a little something.

What do you need? Something to perk me up. So they get something to perk them up and what happens?

After a while that doesn't work so they have to have some perk them up a little higher. And before long they're hooked on drugs trying to do what? Trying to shut down and silence this awful sense of frustration and get rid of it. My friend, there's never been anything humanly created by man that can eliminate frustration.

Nothing. And so this is how people get on drugs, alcohol, all kind of situations and circumstances that develop in their life because they're trying to escape themselves. They won't deal with something going on on the inside. And so the medical profession makes millions and billions of dollars every year out of people running from themselves. Now after a while, absolutely, people get sick because you see, one of the things that can happen is if your body keeps hearing you say something's wrong, something's wrong, something's wrong, and what you now don't realize is this mind of ours, when this brain gets the message that something is wrong and we think something is wrong, it sends messages to the whole body and physiologically ultimately something's going to get wrong. And what happens is then you do get sick. And after a while you can get absolutely physically ill because you do not know how to deal with frustration. Now let me just give you a personal example and I'll move through these quickly.

I can remember years and years ago when, when I first realized that the Lord was calling me to preach, I was fourteen years of age. So I felt very inadequate, skinny little, thin little Rayleigh fellow and very introverted and had nothing going for me. And so what did I do?

I did the natural, normal thing that a kid like me would do. Well, I'm going to try hard. I'm going to work hard. I'm going to pray long. I'm going to study long. I'm going to work hard. I'm going to strive. I'm going to prove I can. Now in my, in my conscious mind I never thought I'm going to prove it.

But in my subconscious I am sure that I felt like I had to prove something. And so I got in the ministry and I was going to study hard, preach the best I knew how and I figured well may not be able to preach too good. One thing I can learn to do is I can learn to pray.

And so I spent a lot of time talking to God and listening to Him and learning to listen to Him and praying and working and whatever I did I wanted to do the very best I could do. And a perfectionist is a person who does all you can do and then does a little bit more. And so that's what was happening to me and I didn't even know what a perfectionist was. A perfectionist never reaches the goal because a perfectionistic goal cannot be reached.

It is an ethereal kind of something out young in the fog that you're trying to live up to and trying to match and you can't do it. And so I'm sure that's what I did. I want to preach the best sermons I could preach. I wanted to be as good a pastor as I could possibly be and the tragedy with that was this. Then after I had done everything I knew to do, it wasn't ever quite good enough. I'd come home and look at the sermon thinking well I could have changed this, this, that. And I thought how will I ever be able to get this right?

And the worst thing about it was that transferred over into my Christian experience in my daily walk. So coming up in a legalistic background, how good was I supposed to be? Good enough to please God.

Well how good is that? I don't know but just do a little bit more. Read the Bible more, pray a little bit more, fast more, I mean whatever it takes man, I mean go witness. And whatever you've done, do a little bit more.

Whatever anybody else has done, outdo them. Whatever it takes, man, you've just got to do it because you've got to please God. Now, I didn't know anything about the grace of God. I didn't understand anything about the unconditional love of God. I had absolutely no concept whatsoever of the wonderful loving Fatherhood of God. I didn't understand that. Not having a father, never saw a pattern, never felt that. He was up yonder. I'm down here.

If I'm a good boy, He'll get down here on my team and do what I want Him to do and help me out and He and I can do everything. The only problem with that is how much. And no matter how much I did, it was never enough. Now it's not that anybody else thought that. That was my conclusion. And so what happens? It was very, very costly to me. Not so much physically as it was emotionally and spiritually.

God just had to lay me aside until I caught on what was going on. Now, frustrations don't affect everybody that way, but I say that to you to say it can happen to anybody. And the kind of frustration I'm talking about is that low-level kind, medium-level and high-level kind of frustration that if you don't deal with it, ultimately it's going to catch up with you somewhere the other. If you're one of those persons who just can't be satisfied, you can't be satisfied with your Christian life and you say, well, are you to ever get satisfied with your Christian life? Well, you certainly ought to be able to enjoy the Lord Jesus Christ and the love of the Father. You certainly ought to be able to, listen, accept the fact that you're not going to be perfect, going to make mistakes, going to sin against God.

One of the wonderful things I had to discover is, God, you don't expect me to be perfect. You know I'm going to sin. You know I'm weak. You know my frailties. You know all of my faults. You love me the same. Hallelujah.

Praise God. I don't have to try anymore. Stop striving and just relax. Well, that's easier to say than it is to do, isn't it? It's easy to say relax.

But ultimately, when He drives you in a corner and pops you down enough and there's nothing to do but relax, then you start relaxing. So what happens? We run, run, run, accusing, blaming, looking for something. And you know what?

It's not out there because it is internal. And if I know how to deal with it, I'll deal with it properly. If I don't, I'll take one of those avenues, not a single one of which ever settles frustration. You may be a student and you say, well, you know, I've got four more years and I've got this and I've got that and you think about all of these things. Listen, everybody has to deal with situations and circumstances in life.

But you know what? Isn't it interesting that you can take two people, put them in the same circumstance, one of them is excited about life and happy and the other one is just miserable. Why? Circumstances are almost the same because it is not outwardly the problem. It is an inner problem. So one form of frustration is very exhausting.

You know why? Because there is no human solution to frustration. The only real solution is God. If you change this circumstance, I guarantee you, if you think it's that circumstance, when you get that and straightened up, and I mean it's in the corner standing up straight just like you want it, another one will crop up over here.

You set that one up, here's another one over here because that's not the solution. So one form of frustration that is the result of our own doings is very exhausting, penalizing and very oftentimes costly in many ways of our life. Thank you for listening to part one of When We Feel Frustrated. If you'd like to know more about Charles Stanley or In Touch Ministries, stop by InTouch.org. This podcast is a presentation of In Touch Ministries, Atlanta, Georgia. Music