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January 4, 2022 5:00 am
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On today's Focus on the Family, Dave Ramsey has some advice for you especially if you're having some financial difficulties guys need to step up. She needs an extra 3 to 6 nonsexual modes a day. You guys need look up nonsexual well know, that's relationship advice and it's coming from a financial expert that intriguing combination is lower featuring for you on today's Focus on the Family with focus, Pres. and Dr. Jim Daly and John: hey John, the past few years have been quite the financial roller coaster for most people, and the I would say especially for families and small business owners and that has had a big impact on marriages were hearing it from folks who were writing and talking to us about where the rat research shows us that money troubles and disagreements can be a major contributor to serious marital problems. So today we thought we'd share some insight on money and relationships from one of the best. Mr. Dave Ramsey is an author radio show how she probably have heard them on the radio and he is the creator of financial peace University which is a nine week program to help you get to financial health in the message were about to hear is from the third week of that series where Dave talks about two primary money personalities. The nerds who are very organized and the free spirits who just want to have fun. Here's Dave Ramsey on today's Focus on the Family in this lesson we are going to be talking about with money free spirits and nerves unite.
I would tell you. An old story. I'm sure it's not true, but it's funny and it makes my point is it anyway there's a story that's told of George Bush Senior and probably the best first lady that we've ever had.
His wife Barbara and they were they were campaigning their way across Texas and one of the presidential campaigns and of course that's their home state something new every body and and and presidential limo with the SUVs and the whole bit pulls up to a gas station because it's running out of gas, and so the gas station attendant sees all listening runs outside of course you and I don't get the service we runs outside and he starts pumping just as he wants to say he's pumped the gas in the presidential limo will Barbara looks up and recognizes the guy jumps out of the car runs Rent-A-Car gives you a big hug. I stand back there yet get up for a little while and she gets back in the car a few minutes and George says was and she said will that was my old boyfriend in high school and George gets his big grin on his face. He said hello to get this straight.
You are married to the most powerful man in the world, the president of the leading economic force in the world, the United States of America, you could've married heel and then you be the wife of a gas station attendant and she said all George, don't be silly if I had married him EB president the heart of her husband safely trusts her, and he will have no lack of gain. Interesting.
Let me introduce you to my wife Sharon Ramsey.
As you can see him excellent salesman with Sharon and I have about of an agreement she is.
She's agreed to stay married me if I don't answer to the public speaking, so she gets to come out here to say hi this way to meet you guys but I wanted you to see the reason for my success that when were dealing with money and relationship for dealing with money in our personal lives, money and our families. The flow of money in a family represents the bow uses them under which that family operates. Jesus said this when he said where your treasure is, your heart will be also. So what you do with money screams loudly who you are. K say it's kind of the checkbook autobiography back in the days we used to keep a checkbook or or if you keep it on Quicken or something. If you look at your checkbook register where your money goes and tells us what's important you tells you what's important to you and men and women are different in how we process this stuff were different and how we process everything. And money is no exception to that statement. Gary Smalley says men love to share facts. Women love to share feelings men connected by doing things guys go hunting together. We do things together. We work on the car.
Together, we do whatever we do things together. Women connected by talking guys can hang out all day.
My son and I drove to 1/2 hours after football game home and didn't say a word. We were perfectly okay with it. Women would've thought that was psychotic. We operate differently with you were perfectly okay with these differences to Dennis Rainey who is Christian family counselor.
He says that that women and men all have a different verbal level ministry 30 to 50,000 words a day. Women speak somewhere from 50 to 70,000 words a day with gusts up to 125 S. we are different. Gary Smalley says men tend to be controlling.
Women tend to remain agreeable women would say the man. Men tend to be independent women tend to be interdependent. All these differences come up big time and the way we handle money in the way we interact and so we can take this into consideration. If we want to have financial peace two words that don't go together when it comes to the emergency fund.
Men say it's boring. It's not sophisticated enough.
I can do something better with 10 or $15,000 and baby step three, which is a fully funded emergency fund of 3 to 6 months I can invest that good mutual fund or something, but they said just put in a money market account and it not make much money that's boring.
It's not sophisticated enough women on the other hand psych is the most important key to our financial plan and all the men in the room to stand up, please. All the men stand up, please. Thank you. Men, guys, if you're married or you ever hope to be listened to me really carefully for minute I don't know if you know this or not but as we've been discussing men and women are different and that's a good thing and they're different in how we look at this emergency fund thing or two things were going to teach you while you go through financial peace University that will revolutionize your marriage if you allow it to one of them is the emergency fund and the other is doing a budget talk about both of those things not in the context of singles and in the context of a marriage situation so guys will get you to understand right now is somewhere right down and hear your lady has a gland that you don't. It's called the security gland and if she is feeling insecure because of the money situation that gland spasms and it is attached to her face so emergency fund is actually an investment in a pretty white, her face relaxes because her security gland relaxes, when you have 10 or $15,000 in the bank and you know that you're not going to touch it and she knows that you and I don't touch it usually touch the emergency fund for emergencies. It allows her to relax place you in my right leg so the message guys is you don't have to get it. You just gotta get you need to do that emergency fund its investment in your marriage.
Thanks guys have a seat. When it comes to going shopping. Men get good deals by negotiating I can go and I want those deals I want to go out there and I'm still walking electronics for the furniture store and on the kill everybody in the store until I get a good deal. I don't have to go shopping_drop an atom bomb on that one placeable in a deal right.
I'm just use all my techniques, get people space and whatever negotiate a deal we get good deals by a lot of time just right old-fashioned confrontation were ladies tend to get good deals by hunting and hunting and hunting and hunting and hunting and hunting and I forgot what they were looking for but there still hunting Smalley talks about the scissors, how shopping trip looks like for most people know we get out of the car and we go to the small together were going somewhere radical get something together right and the guy gets out of the car and says identify the target in order to get our handheld GPS and map out the quickest way to the store and were to go straight to the store with the best deal having searched on the web while were on our way for efficiency and we get in there. We get the best deal we analyze which line is going the fastest in the cash register. We get in line we go to the most efficient lumbar back of the car, what time it go. Click identify the target and the lady goes what will you just don't get this she were supposed to enjoy this process is not just about the task.
It's the process we have to go in every store we have to touch everything in every store we have to try a whole lot of it all by most of it discussed the checkout girl's family problems with her as were going out and then tomorrow will bring. Most of it and I figure this deal out to try to swim upstream. Okay, we know that were not going shopping together. Have a good marriage is not, but we have figured out she's really good hunting and hunting and shield open Consumer Reports you search on the web. Look at eBay and you will find the best deal over here in the best deal over there and then. I'm really good at negotiating so much so that when we go out she's, suite Southern Bell the lady. She doesn't like to be embarrassed not to know we going to lease towards me. My hundred dollar bills out embarrass me what he alleges on the side benefits of this negotiating it's so so we tried all that she what we figured out as she hunted down and I go kill so will work with these opposites thing and make it work when it comes to financial problems. We see the difference in men and women went when were struggling financially. If you're hurting and you're stressed out on the bills you guys lose self-esteem. Self-esteem because money represents a scorecard to man. So ladies, listen carefully, here and here and you're married or you're in a marriage situation in your struggling financially. Your guy does not feel like Sir Galahad right now his sword is a little rusty. Yes, some moss on his armor and the last thing he needs in the middle that is a barking Chihuahua around his ankle, he may find one last use for that sort got any look at this when you're in financial trouble. Women face fear. Sharon made a stranger. She said the word is terror because money with ladies. As we said represents security there's a security gland so if you're in here your struggling financially. Don't let the stress of those financial things. Take care, Mary guys you need to step up. She needs an extra 3 to 6 nonsexual homes a day. You guys need look up nonsexual. This is touch. That's not going anywhere touch for the purpose of reassurance touch that says we got married.
Wouldn't have anything if we go back to not having anything that'll be okay as long as I'm with you I don't want to lose everything. But if I do, as long as we come out of this together to be okay.
Touch says that I need to say that out loud guys. She's afraid in a place you don't have at that moment.
She's not weaker than you there actually more resilient ladies are in financial stress and guys are in a lot of ways, but they need that touch thingy that reassurance is a part of the program.
So step up gentlemen in that situation. Now the number one cause of divorce in North America today is money fights money is the one thing people said argue about the motion. Marriage according to Stanley Markman study, 7/10 couples disagree about financial issues.
According to an article in USA Today. 57% of divorce couple said the financial disputes were the primary reason they did not get along, according to a study done by Citibank. It's the number one thing that breaks up marriages here me again the number one thing that breaks up marriages, money problems and money fights.
If it's the number one problem that is also what Larry Burkett used to say it's the number one opportunity in our marriages to take them to a better level. Take a good marriage and make it fabulous. Take one that struggling and looks like it's not to make it and bring it back together and let it heal and you can do that through stuff like I just like reading on our spending because we are spending again, agreeing on our value system and that is absolutely vital seek.
The deal is this when you get married.
What happens is you know the preacher lies to a stunning, he says, and now you are one. Remember that you remember the first year. You remember the first year I so we go down the aisle done done done done done right and the preacher comes down. He says okay were going to tie the knot, right will be generated tie that not problem his stuff gets in the knot.net and you grew up in a household where your parents spent everything, they may and she grew up in a household where they saved everything they may and that was cute when you were dating is not cute anymore. It becomes a potential destructive forces are not going on right there in the money.
I want to save money. I want to give money, I want to washer and dryer. I want a bass boat. I want to go on vacation. I'm worried about retirement. Dave Ramsey said, and we get all that that's in there right you get this whole thing going on.
But what we have discovered is this you will sit down together. If you will learn work together agree on your spending, because when you really are spending again. You agree on your value system you're agreeing on your goals, agreeing on your dreams.
Agreeing on your fears and so when you agree on all of that what happens is the budget take all the knots out of your marriage and you get oneness in your marriage in unit some bills.
I will amend should do it. No bills, and women are much smarter than the truth is, both of you should do it.
Both of you should do the financial decision-making. Both of you have to know the one with the natural gift for details can prepare the budget but the decision-making should be done by both of you. Not typically. Not only do opposites attract innocence of men and women are different. But opposites attract. In other things to one of you is late for everything is on time have to be on time for everything early riveting one of you was up at six clock morning .50 over there seek go there to get a parking place. Did you see the parking was one look and I can really say anything important for the first hour anyway. It's that way at our house. I have to be on time for everything. I like the nerd of the family right.
My wife and mother should get there sometime okay opposites attract one of using your burning up right now.
It was freezing to death. The rebels thermostat worse at your house gets cold and back-and-forth walking glass things over like you have the office you know keep your hands off of the concept of the thermostat is adjusted: back-and-forth offices right one of is a spender want to be a saver. That's a good thing you need each other.
You spenders need a saver in your life so you don't retirement about a cookbook 72 ways to compare Alpo and love it. You sabers need a spender in your life have a life and typically what happens is the nerd, one that is very organ is a detail person. The underwear drawers folded must be on time. Everything has a place really enjoys for the bills to be paid on time. Late go. Don't give me a late charge 00 the nerd likes doing the budget. It gives them it gives them a sense of power. The center controlled some larger real time control freaks, but all nerves are at least a little bit of control for you know I'm safe and free spirit their mature adults to believe and have a thing called a life they don't really get a high three generation spreadsheets.
I don't understand.
So what happens is the nerd and the free spirit, get married, but they don't really become one. Do they know instead we start this fight think is what will happen is nerd goes all know married one of those and you know we go up on the mountain and we talk to God about the budget we come down from the mountain, having prepared the budget on a stone tablet little bit of a sunburn like Charlton Heston and we come out and we come to the free spirit and rest the family say family have been talking to God and this is our budget. This is what we nerves the resident and the free Virgos go to the mall to Buster budget in the nerd. And we, nerves of rocker for like run around all time try to clean up and the free spirits going to freak you know me know. Despite this constant tension.
Some marriages go through. This is the real world is some marriages go through this for decades and don't even realize there's always tension in the air, the kind of just tolerated of the go to their corners.
Okay you pay your bills now pay my bills were not really married joint venture in the nerd like you to erase on possible and free spirits like you to controlling all this Clash of the Titans going out.
It doesn't make for high quality marriage is a matter fact we just said this is the number one calls of divorces, opposites attract men and women are different. Anyway, when you put all that soup with money makes a mess but we figured out a way to solve. It's called the budget committee meeting it's your only hope for learning how to communicate those of you that are like me, were the nerds raise your hand nerves to the nerds like very precise right so no dredging again one more time.
Good art is what what you I want you to do a budget because we went on the free spirit is not kid ourselves. Okay. So prepare the budget basics of budgeting. As you spend every dollar on paper before the month begins, every dollar has a name before the monthly and you prepare the budget then we call the budget committee meeting. Let's cover the rules for the budget committee meeting for the nerds first nerd out you take the budget that you prepared and I want you to set on the table and slide it over to the free spirit and shut off that Israel number one shot all the free spirits here and they are sick and tired of your preaching.
They are sick and you got it sick and tired here Dave Ramsey say they're sick and tired every mistake they were made since 1962. You know they don't want to hear anymore your theories.
Sure, it's all the paper slide it over. You've got a whole lot of opinions there right there on the paper. Let the free spirit look at rule number two nerds. Is this is a meeting. It is not a weekend long budget summit when you are dealing with a free spirit. You have a 17 minute window. After that, there came the financial peace University thing.
Their body may say, but there spirit will leave they're not there I start across.
They're not getting this.
It's not fun for them. They don't enjoy this process there only there to have a vote to have their vote in there to leave the voting booth. That's it. That's the whole deal from them a listen very, very carefully to make if you are nerd.
There is one last rule, nerds listen very, very carefully. You must insist that the free spirit change some things in your budget, and the nerds are going listen nerds were tricking them to get them involved by free spirits). I did not take up or you say yes solicit uppers. You have a couple rules budget committee meeting to rule number one free spirit.
You must come to the meeting to you most. Bring your braying goals sure input is maybe one isn't covered under that heading, you look at the budget you go hunting I think $1800 might be a little high for green fees when we are $14 for food and you make an adjustment there like switching those two numbers but you can't just okay were to raise clothing by $200. That's finally come from. I don't care who are you a government that has to come from somewhere, right to raise a category, but 200 with the lower smothers by the same amount that's how this works balances the concept okay so adult like input, says you change some things around by raising a few and lowering smothers by that same amount so that we still end up with a zero and rule number three free spirits if you will work with your nerves on this.
You will have the best quality relationship of any marriage you know you will run into people everywhere who are in all of the communication level in your marriage it will totally transform how you communicate it will bring a level of unity a level of oneness to everything that you're doing and you'll start to win financially is worth the free spirits. There's a phrase that you have been saying this is your last rule you can never again say this phrase and use it all the time. We know you do, especially nerds know sometimes you say things like what ever you want to do honey wrong copout breath. You have to get the game. Place your vote.
You both have about we come into agreement that's called unity both placed their vote no notice. You're smarter than you take care of them over and mess up your plan and that's what free spirits due to often know you've got a place your vote and then when the budget is done we pinky swear and we spent shaken.
This is a lock baby. We don't do anything except what's on the budget. That is a promise that's a contract if were going to do something different than what's on that budget with a come back and have an emergency budget committee meeting got a free spirit say yes that we've come to the end of today's lesson if you will. From Dave Ramsey on Focus on the Family and will feature more of his financial wit and wisdom.
Next time a boy John Dave. Sure makes this fund that he so entertaining and yet he's getting some really solid ideas across, as well a in our family. Jean and I have a very different spending habits. But as Dave says opposites attract, and we balance each other out and that's certainly true for for our marriage and it's a good thing. We hope today's program will spur some healthy financial discussions in your family and would recommend that you follow up by requesting Facebook the total Money makeover from us right here at Focus on the Family will send that out to you for your generous donation of any amount as you help us in our work to strengthen marriages across the US and around the world and were a phone call away.
Our number is 800 later a inward family 800-232-6459 or you can donate online and will have the link in the episode notes if you enjoyed today's presentation.
Please tell a friend to tune in next time is will hear more from Dave Ramsey will focus on kids and money around our house. We pay commissions not allowances. I don't believe in allowance allowance to me sounds like welfare commission says that if you work you get paid if you don't work you don't get paid on behalf of Jim Daly and the entire team. Thanks for joining us today for this Focus on the Family podcast on John Fuller inviting you to take a moment if you would please leave your reading in your podcast death helpless increase her audience spread the word and join us next time, if you will will once more help you and your family thrive and I knew my marriage was falling apart.
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