Facing Our Loneliness, Part 2B

Welcome to the In Touch Podcast with Charles Stanley for Wednesday, November seventeenth.

Today you'll learn how to connect with God in a way that will satisfy your soul. Be encouraged as you listen to Facing Our Loneliness. Loneliness is a very painful emotion. And yet, a lot of people who live in that painful emotion and don't even understand really what it is that they're feeling. Loneliness is not a sin. But God does not want you and me living in that state because, as we've said, oftentimes what it may lead to and what it oftentimes does lead to.

Think about it. As we've said in the past message, and that is every aspect of life, in every occupation, it doesn't make any difference what it is. People can feel lonely. You can be the president. You can be somewhere down the line. You can be a homemaker.

You can be a kid in school and college away. Loneliness doesn't pick people. Loneliness is out there for anybody to experience. And the reason it becomes so painful is because God didn't make us to live that way. He made us to live in a sense of togetherness and attached, naturally first of all, with Him primarily. So, how do we overcome it?

Well, the first point is this. You have to recognize that you're lonely. Many people are lonely and don't recognize it.

They think it's something else. And oftentimes people will blame someone else or some other circumstance in life before they will admit to the fact I am a very lonely person. Because to admit loneliness is a sign to many people of weakness. It's a sign of I'm inadequate. It's a sign something's missing in my life. I don't, I'm not the kind of person who's worth having friends. Nobody really desires me. And so what a person will usually do, they take all of those feelings of being alienated and ostracized. And separated, undesired, unwanted. And so they think, well, if I feel that way, then if I were to say that, somebody would think, well, you know, maybe that's who He is.

Maybe that's who She is. And so oftentimes we don't face it. Until you face loneliness and are willing to admit the fact, yes, I'm lonely, then you'll never overcome it.

The second point is this. And that is reconciliation with God. You will never have true, genuine peace and the absence of loneliness until, first of all, Jesus Christ gets you connected to the Father. When a person recognizes their sinfulness, recognizes that Jesus Christ is the only way to be forgiven, cleansed of our sin. That all of our transgressions are wiped out. All of our past sins are forgiven, past, present and future. And now we have a personal relationship to Him.

How does that happen? It happens through accepting Jesus Christ as our personal Savior. He is the great connector. He is the one who overcomes this disconnection. He's the one who, listen, who eliminates this alienated feeling that we have. He brings us into oneness with Him.

If there is no reconciliation to your Creator, to your Heavenly Father, to the God who made you and loves you unconditionally, you will never escape it. It's a vital part. Reconciliation is a second step.

Then there's a third. And that is to recall the promises of God. It is a powerful thing in times of loneliness to cry out to Him and to recall what He said. And here's what He said. He said that He would never leave us nor forsake us. You say, Oh, but you don't know how I feel.

Mm-mm-mm, hasn't got anything to do with it. What you have to ask is what did He say? We have this awesome opportunity to call upon Him and to recall those promises. And there's nothing I believe any stronger.

There is no quicker way to come out of that feeling of loneliness than to recall the promise of God and tell Him, God, here's what You said. You cannot lie. I'm trusting You for what You said. I'm claiming that in Jesus' name. Do you think God's going to ignore that from one of His children?

Never. Recall His promises. Now, what does that mean? That means you have to have an arsenal.

And that is you've got to have some ammunition. And you see, His promises are our ammunition against Satan's lies. Satan's going to say, Oh, you know what? That's just preacher talk.

I just forget that. No, that's God's Word. God's Word's what it is. And so, we all need our arsenal because the Bible says we're soldiers and we're in a warfare. And if you have an arsenal, that means you've got lots of ammunition. And that is you're prepared. If you only have the twenty-third Psalm, you're a little bit weak, you may have one bullet.

That won't cut it. You and I are dealing with Satan who has an arsenal of fiery arrows, he says, to cause us to doubt God. Whenever he fires one, we're to fire back. He said, I will never leave you nor forsake you. Nothing can separate me from the love of God.

Christ Jesus is living on the inside of me. I may feel lonely, but thank God I'm not. And it's amazing how that feeling of disconnection.

Here's what happens. He said, we said it's this disconnected feeling we have. This is separation anxiety of what's going to happen.

But when I begin to affirm that He's living on the inside of me, and I'm His child, and His love for me is unconditional, you know what? I can get out of that feeling of loneliness. Does that mean I'll never come back?

No. But it means this. If I learn to practice these points, you'll overcome loneliness. So, somebody says, well, okay, that's number three. Now, what about some of those others? And I have, I do have a few verses down and I've been thinking about it and I'm really listening, but you just don't know how I feel. And remember this, everybody's got feelings. What you have to do is, listen, you have to decide whether you're going to go by what you feel or what you know. And so, listen, the basis of our proper feeling is I am a reconciled child of God. He loves me enough to live on the inside of me.

That's the basis of it. Now, am I going to live out that promise of He's given me? Yes, I am. Then I'm on my way to overcoming these feelings and these experiences of loneliness. Now, there's another very important point here. If I'm going to overcome loneliness, I've got to reach out, listen, reach out and develop relationships. And that's what God wants us to do. Now, there's a couple of very important things here that I want us to remember because oftentimes we can make a mistake at this point when it comes to reaching out to develop new relationships.

Now, I want to say two things, that two cautions. First of all, not just reach out to develop a relationship, but to reach out to develop godly relationships. You can find relationships, but what kind? What kind of relationships? And so, you have to be careful what kind of relationships you want to connect with, kind of people you want in your life. And so, somebody says, but you know, I'm so desperate, it won't make any difference who it is.

Yes, it will. It makes a great deal of difference. And I can remember some things that people have said to me over the years about what they did because they were so lonely. And how they got into relationships. Now listen carefully, there's some things you must never forget. When you enter into an ungodly relationship, your loneliness is going to get worse.

Why? Because when you enter into an ungodly relationship, what you're going to do is you're going to bend to back off from what you know is right, get into a relationship with somebody who promises it appears to meet your need. Now I want to remind you of something. There's not a man on earth, not a man on earth, and Jesus wasn't married, so He's an exclusion, not a man on earth who's ever lived who can meet all of a woman's needs. Amen, ladies? That's right. Now on the other hand, listen, there's not a woman on earth who can meet all of a man's needs.

Amen? So what does that mean? Here's what it means. Don't try the impossible. Because that's not the way God intended for us to live. Now watch this. We are to choose godly relationships because it's a safe thing to do.

If somebody says, well now, like what? Well, think about this. You want to choose somebody who knows, watch this carefully, who knows the same Jesus you know. Y'all have the most important thing in common right there. So listen, if you're connected to Him and he or she is connected to Him, then fantastic.

You've got a great connection. Then you can build up each other. Well now, what kind of person do you want?

So if I were to ask you today, well, what would you look for in a person if you wanted to start out building a relationship? Listen, you want somebody you can laugh with, right? Somebody you have fun with. Now, godly remember.

I'm going to throw that in, extra caution. Somebody you can laugh with. Somebody you can pray with. Right? Somebody who will understand you.

Think about it. Somebody who, somebody who will understand you. Somebody you can share secrets with.

That's why they better be godly. Somebody you can share secrets with. Somebody you can trust. If you're looking for godly relationships, that's the kind of people you want. That's the kind of friends you want.

And you know what? When you have that kind of connection, you better hold on to it. Because you found the right thing, the right person. Now, so caution number one is, you have to be careful what kind of relationships you build. But there's a second very, very important caution. This is very important because this is a mistake people make. Seek to build a relationship that's an extension of God's presence and not a replacement for it.

And I'll explain that. Watch this carefully. This person is not somebody that you've chosen into your life so that you don't need God now, you've got them. Or you come along and you're a Christian, but the truth is you found this person. And it's not that, it's not that you don't believe God anymore, it's just that all of a sudden this person is replacing God in your life. They're filling up your life. Now watch this carefully.

Destined for disaster, watch this. When a person becomes so attached to another person and they begin to cling and lean and suck it out of you. In other words, after a while, what happens?

The other person begins to back off. And so God doesn't intend for us to drain someone else, but to build them up. And not to just cover them up and smother them, but to be the kind of friend that we talked about.

Because here's what happens. When a person does that and they begin to be codependent upon another person, you're not depending upon God. Those relationships are no good. You find somebody, for example, you think you're in love and she just, or he just thinks that there's nothing in the world like you. And the next thing you know, all of life just revolves around that person. Then that's a wrong situation, wrong relationship for the simple reason God doesn't want us codependent upon anybody. And the truth is, those relationships don't last. And you say, well, but suppose I get married, will it last? Not necessarily.

You know, why, what did we say in the beginning? No man can meet all of a woman's needs and no woman can meet all of a man's needs. Only God can meet all of our needs.

You say, well, what about people who are not married? Can God meet all of our needs? Yes. People who are married, can He meet all of their needs?

Yes. What you don't want is a relationship where, let's say, for example, that you're the one they're leaning on. They have these expectations, you can't meet them. You can't be there all the time. You can't answer all their emotional needs. Only God can do that. That's why it has to be a healthy, good, godly relationship.

Well, let's think about this. If you get into that kind of relationship, what should you do? Well, you should gently back off. And you may have to say, you know what? I don't ever want to stand between you and God. And somehow I think in that relationship maybe I've gotten in the way.

Now, that may be very difficult, but I can tell you this. If you don't deal with it, you're going to have to deal with it in a more painful way where you feel more alienation, more aloneness, and all the rest. You and I cannot meet everybody's need or anybody all their needs.

And so, we have to be careful when we build relationships that we build them godly, the kind of person we're talking about, and not have expectations of them that are absolutely impossible. So, let's think about one last thing and that's simply this. And that is to refocus. That is, when you feel lonely, then refocus your attention. What do you feel when you're feeling lonely? Somebody do something for me. That is, if I'm feeling lonely, I'm the center of attention.

I want somebody to think about me, somebody to do something for me, somebody to meet my need. Now, if you want to stay in the pit of loneliness, you just keep feeling that away. But you can refocus.

Now, every single one of these points is important. Refocusing, what do you mean by that? Simply this. And that is, refocus your attention from yourself and ask yourself, how can I do something for someone else? When you refocus, you get your mind off yourself.

And you get it on someone else. Now, think about the church, for example. People say, well, I don't go to church, I watch TV.

You're never going to hear me to tell people on television, stay at home, watch in touch. No, there may be people who cannot get to a church. There are people who are sick who can't get there. There are people who live in places that there's no church close by.

A few places like that. I understand that. But listen, the fellowship of a church is very important. Listen to what the Apostle Paul said. He said in his epistles to the church.

He said in different epistles. He said, accept one another. He said, admonish one another. He said, bear each other's burdens, one another's burdens. Build up one another.

Be kind to one another. He said, comfort one another. He said, devote yourselves to one another. He said, encourage one another. Love one another. Stimulate one another.

In other words, he just went on and on and on. One another, one another. What is he talking about? He's talking about a relationship. If I'm going to encourage you, I'm having a relationship with you that's going to be positive. If I am devoted to you, that means I am, I'm going to help you every way I can. If I'm going to build you up, I'm going to have a positive influence.

If I admonish you for something, it's because I care. If I'm comforting you, I'm because what I want you to see is every single one of those one anothers have to do with a relationship. So that if I'm lonely, one of the wisest things I can do is to get into one another jobs. Encourage somebody else, build them up, lift them up, give them something, provide in other words, whatever it might be. It's this self-centeredness that just feeds loneliness.

And so how do we get out of that? We choose by an act of our will in the deepest moments of loneliness, who can I help? Who can I encourage? Who can I talk to? Not by myself, but who can I relate to?

Who can I give myself away to in a godly fashion? You don't have to live in loneliness. Now watch this. This is like taking a capsule.

One capsule doesn't usually cure anything. These are five points to a message. Every one of them's important.

But you have to practice it. Do you think Satan's just going to fold up and leave and say, Well, they got the victory. I'm going to forget them. Oh no, he's going to attack you and remember what we said.

Number three is recalling His promises. Get your arsenal out. Get your ammunition out. Here's what God said.

Here's what you said, St. Here's what God said. He said He'd never leave me nor forsake me. He says He's living inside of me. He says He's my God.

And He says that He loves me and nothing will be able to separate from His love. You have to practice it. And I want to say it again.

You have to put it to practice. And if you put it to practice, God will bring you out of this slough of loneliness in your life because it doesn't fit who you are. Thank you for listening to Facing Our Loneliness. If you'd like to know more about Charles Stanley or InTouch Ministries, stop by InTouch.org. This podcast is a presentation of InTouch Ministries, Atlanta, Georgia.