Your Family May Consider YOU the Solution

Hi, I'm Peter Rozenberger and this is your Caregiver Minute. A listener wrote to me that her family was giving her all kinds of grief over the care of their 96-year-old mom, who lives alone by choice. The listener said, while I help her, she will not authorize the power of attorney for health care. She went on to say, she has no significant medical issues, but my family is ridiculously harsh towards me and accuses me of things not my responsibility and things I haven't done.

What do you recommend? Well, this is a common problem with a lot of families. The dynamics start to deteriorate in high-stress situations when you have a vulnerable member and there's a lot of different contributing factors. But I gave her a couple of questions she might want to think about. Number one, does any agreement about the division of responsibilities exist in the family? Number two, what type of solutions does the family offer? And number three, was she aware of efforts on their part to accomplish any of the tasks, like power of attorney or staffing? And I told her, I said, these seem to be important questions to answer and until your family helps provide solutions, it appears that your family considers you the solution, while also feeling free to criticize you for not fulfilling their expectations. But I added at the end, before stewing in resentment, it's best to get clarification as to expectations and responsibilities. And if you don't feel comfortable doing this yourself, please seek help from an experienced social worker, clergy, attorney, or other objective party. This has been your caregiver minute with Peter Rosenberger, brought to you by Standing with Hope, a ministry for the wounded and those who care for them. There's more information at standingwithhope.com