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October 19, 2021 2:00 am
The messages our daughters hear are so important! Matt and Lisa Jacobson reveal how vital a parent's voice truly is for speaking God's truth in ways our daughters can hear.
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Visit Matt's website at https://faithfulman.com/
Lisa's website can be found at https://club31women.com/
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I remember one time I think of third grade and I heard my dad say to a baseball player that he was coaching my daughter in may be the best athlete in our family. It was like water to a thirsty plant like I was so needy of that and I said I think I was just so wanting and longing to be loved and affirmed the power of words of affirmation is powerful enough to ensure we understand how powerful welcome to family life today or we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most and Wilson and Dave Wilson and you can find firstname.lastname@example.org or on our family life.
This is family life today. It's funny.
I started cleaning cars and detailing the inside of cars when I was eight years old and she still amazing, because here's why this is so sad. My brother used to say who was nine years older how you're really good. It was basically he's training you know I will do it forever. We can bring your friends cars overnight would be like to say something positive so I would talk about this because we have our friends Matt and Lisa Jacobson back with us today on family life to a Anglican really tackle today of how we affirm our daughters and you guys.
Thanks. First of all, for being back with us again, thank you. Great to be here and didn't just write a book on a couple ideas you wrote 100 ways Andrea were powerful words of affirmation, you are our daughter. We talked about songs as well, but I know we've written hundred ways. Love, your spouse, your husband or wife you sons of words. Should you have got it all. You've written all and you get a website and a podcast faithful man.com club 31 women.so people can find you there and obviously can link through family life today.com or some of our favorite guests and we just how practical you are that you really helping us in our homes. Ray sons and daughters you're helping us have great marriages but I really appreciate that you've kind of made a differentiation between love and affirmation talk about what is affirmation and how do we do that, it's basically looking for the moment or the quality or about achievement in the day, we can say I want to point out that you said did or are something wonderful and as a parent, it just means today I'm going to look for something that I can build up my daughter by saying, just some wind that she's had something about her that I can point out that I like something she's done just anything you just start with the smallest thing and you're looking for a moment to show her that she is a wonderful valuable important interesting love person and knelt on the floor says that if a mom says that it's so powerful yet a kids four daughters right yes I do that everyday.
Your parent and you do it imperfectly, but really what this book is 100 words of affirmation, your daughter needs to hear it's essentially an aggregation of things that we've learned over time and we try to employ and it's a very digestible doable bite-size kind of approach to this topic and is just to give ideas what are some of the things because everybody I think hearing about affirming your daughter would say oh I also enough about, but maybe in real time.
We might not have a specific idea of what we could do or what we could say that's really what this is.
It's a very doable accessible digestible resource bite-size which one is small.
The IQ could read one of these to date easily and try to apply it for the day. Absolute good friends that go through each one of these and she writes note to the bottom of each one like how she's gonna now I could do this with my daughter.
One of things I find really fascinating predicable about all your books, especially these books and affirmation as you literally right they affirmation almost word for what it's almost like Obama really cares is not very good at this, I could pick it up and literally read. I believe in you and all you will become that your first one well in that first one is a that when Dave because you guys even say your voice must be steady and strong, bringing with clarity of a single bell on a still morning. I believe in you. I believe in your gifts and this world. I like this part.
This world is in desperate need them. I believe in your amazing abilities.
You can have a powerful impact in this life. I can recall. Even though my parents didn't say very many positive affirming things but I was probably four years old and my mom told me that she said honey you are a mistake or an accident. Okay okay alright so you guys. She gives me that she has, but I always thought and I didn't grow up in a Christian home, but they believed in God and my mom said, but I just thought there must be something that God has for you to do what you hung on to it online to my life thinking does God have something for me. So when you say to your kid.
I believe in you and all you will become. I can remember being in bed with our kids are getting ready to go to sleep saying to them I can't wait to see all that God has for you. I can't wait for you discover all that he's put into you and they could even understand it at that time, they would say is it a present present because when you discover why you're put on the earth is the greatest gift you'll ever have and I even put in here. I said to have something in them. I think this is good to tell your kids you have something in you that no other person in the entire world has ever had has now or will ever half because God so uniquely made you and I hope that that makes them like ladies because were all gifted very hot passion. We all have God loves us and he has a plan for our life. Think of affirmation is like a compliment, always afraid I also heard parents say what you want to puff my kid up is not about puffing up, that's just about speaking truth and vision into their life and hearts and can you imagine if all of these Christian parents spoke to your kids each day like this and just gave them this sense destiny and sense of calling really powerful. You know the enemy of our soul. Satan there's a spiritual battle going on he think he has a dialogue to think our kids voice out there called 21st-century values sitting right on your daughter shoulder and it's telling her that she doesn't measure up probably never will.
She's not enough that she's too much about and she does know much to offer and she's not good enough for thousand different ways.
Everything in the culture speaks a negative message of how you are not enough, not good enough. How you don't measure up. So as a parent recognizing the spiritual warfare of this playing field within your daughter's mind and the way she's thinking about yourself. You gotta step in to that war. You've got to recognize your place in it and God put you in her life to raise her up to know God and to know how God sees and values her and so that's what reliever is the foundation of these books is you are not going to just let the culture overrun your home like a tsunami and let all of the voices and all of the messages define who she is but you're going to take charge of the culture within your home. The culture that comes out of the word you speak in the way you speak them and you're going to stand against that tide and so that's what we are encouraging herself what we wanted to do in the lives of her own kids and really a lot of this grew out of our own experiences. Certainly mine. I have the most negative voices. As a young young child, and I just didn't want my kids and we didn't want our daughters to have this sense of your diminished you're not enough you're not okay.
You don't somehow God's always marginally angry with you and just just say no. Were going to go on the offense.
This is a parent who wants to step into the gap and stand for their kids and stand against what the culture and what the enemy has to say to them as a parent you can feel so helpless now more than ever as you got so much going against your kids out there in the world on social media. All of that stuff, but you're not helpless because you have a powerful voice.
You need to use it intentionally, prayerfully and boldly really and you think about your your own experience whose most powerful voice in your life is your parents are powerful and so we cannot be deceived in the thinking that were helpless because were not.
We actually had this wonderful opportunity to speak truth and life into our kids hearts and trust God to use that for his glory at the mom and dad doesn't even believe it for themselves that's really hard to to speak something that you're struggling with yourself. Let one thing I like to say is, and I have had to do myself is I want to wait until I have it together before I speak in my kids lives. I just I can't afford it. I don't have enough time for that to be honest cell and I've as my girl got older into their teens. I just know it. I said to tell you I struggle with this now because of my own upbringing because of my own struggles but I want you to know this before. Even I even do that you are a daughter of the king that you are worthy, and he has chosen you. Those are all powerful words that I am seeking to believe and receive and finally to the same thing and if I could speak to those parents for just a minute.
Yeah, one of the things that we tend to forget those people who are maybe feeling the weight of those voices and we don't really feel this for ourselves. The Bible says is not given us the spirit of fear but of power, of love and a sound mind. That is what God gave you.
So if you're getting something this other than that you're getting that spirit of negativity fear tearing you down. That is not from God. That is from the enemy. You need to go on the spiritual check and see no I reject the voice of the enemy. I am a child of the most high God.
That is who I am in Christ and so you yourself can go on a journey of receiving the affirmation that God has for you based on what the word of God says God gets to define who you are not the enemy, not the voices from the past God defines who you are and so you embrace that as a parent and the more you do that, the more for your freedom to speak these things into the hearts of your doctors that I think you know mentally. So you're saying is that's not a one time mom and dad thing you know it's like I got immerse myself in the word of God. Absolute truth of my life every day. And again it is in vitamin and it is and I'm not a good Christian if I don't, but it's like man I had to put truth in my mind renew my mind. Romans 12 daily since even beyond daily.
I know you mentioned in your book a passage that we use in our our book we call our book perfect parents. I don't know if you got before we the only perfect belt there you go. We are but you know the past that we serve based the book on and you did on your affirmation was a Deuteronomy 6 passage which is really itching in terms of the rhythms of speaking words of affirmation in the morning in the evening as you go along the way.
But as we know it starts with love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength is the great Shema of the Hebrew people… Only memorizing their DNA cases these commandments that I give you today to be on your hearts parroted us. You can impress them on your children or talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk in Lister on our hearts.
And so if were trying to affirm and speak identity into our children and we don't understand it or really believe it for ourselves. It's can be very hard to give away, and again it's not once. It's like I've got to remind myself daily because there is a liar and I hear his voice, and I shouldn't and I should second produce 10 five taken captive immediately. There are times I don't. It slips that I start to feel less about myself and that I speak that into my kids rather than on how I am powerful I am strong in Christ, and so are you and I want to speak that India is one of the things that I've been really convicted about like our kids are older, so it's easier to find that with those really good chunks of time to be linked at when our kids were younger. It was hard. Thank you for that time and yet now I get maybe you guys get these notifications to of how the next time you have logged into your devices quickly screen you exactly thank what a waste of like if I spent that much time in gods word or prayer glowing is it really a waste of time because I was just watching the fascinating aspects of dung beetles law so that was right. It's really easy, especially with little kids are so exhausted going on a Netflix binge you can do that you feel like a lease, I got my time there still not this feeling of now and filled up and I'm ready for the battle. Hence, I think. I'm not trying to be the Holy Spirit but I'm just even saying in my own life when I have spent time with God.
I'm ready for the battle because it is a battle as you are saying you have so many great like out of these hundred I could go through every single one in our listeners would love the practicality of every single one of the things he said is on to remind them that the father's gentle hand is directing them and was interested that you put the father's gentle hand is directing what God is very gentle with us and the message that we often get is that God is a condemning God. God is a city. Secondly, as always, he never pleasing him you never measure up, you're not okay, and he basically mad at you. Most of the time and so we are to impart the knowledge of God to our children and were to teach her kids. The character of God, the Bible says come unto me all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
The prodigal son's father standing there waiting to embrace announcers child is been totally rebellious and he's just waiting so God's hand is there. He's directing you gotta listen to him because he's not going to you know come in with force and say this is what you going to do. He's calling you to listen he's calling you to believe in his goodness regardless of what you might be facing right now you feel there's a difference in the words of affirmation that you give to daughters compared to sciences is the same thing. Or is a little bit nuance while there certainly a lot of crossover just because their people do, but I think there are some specific ways in which you would affirm a son, and you would affirm a daughter that are different. One of the things is, in terms of the sons need to grow into manhood and daughter to grow into womanhood and to speak that identity into them from a very young age you're informing them now. The culture society wants to take the image of God and say it doesn't matter. It can be totally messed with it can be turned around upside down and backwards. But if were going to be biblical Christians, we recognize that male and female he created them. So your speaking identity into their heart and life for the kinds of things that are natural to them, yet again, these are not things that are across the board always hundred percent the same, but their inclinations.
For instance, sons tend to males tend to be more aggressive. That's not what negative statements about one gender or the other.
It's just a reality.
Generally speaking, it's the truth. Men are more aggressive than women. Well, when you see those kinds of things in your son. You can look at it as a what will that's you know hold off buddy, or you can recognize that as a God-given distinctive for your son and you can direct you in a positive way right so that would just be one example of a difference in how you might affirm a son in a different way that you will daughter may be of some thoughts about the two.
Why was just thinking for a daughter. I had read an article that you shouldn't tell your daughter that she's pretty because that is too much focus on the physical.
So I took this article to heart just trying and is on the Internet so to be true, and so certified on my daughters, who happens to be very gorgeous, which is obvious. Just look at her and she is 15 or 16 and she said mom, do you think I'm pretty honey, you are beautiful.
How could you not know that a lot of know you never said anything. I got stupid, you know, seeming to know not a net fluffing up kind away but just beautiful and she did need to hear from me that she was getting identity from it.
Now she just wondered what you thought you just an authentic genuine way in here she's got all of Instagram and Photoshop.
Telling her not that you don't measure) and so what a powerful word from the parent saying I'm I'm saying now. You are beautiful just the Way You Are Right Way, God made to you. I love how you look by God's grace because are very confident with who they are and how they made an I never had mean either that I don't want that for my daughters that I know as a husband you do have a daughter but I have a wife who was a daughter is a daughter and I've learned over 40 years to speak that like to even tell her how pretty I think she is co-see sometimes doesn't know and she's also told me how I say words of affirmation, it's a lot better when there gentle and not harsh because I when we were first married. I could not believe she did not see her physical beauty like I did.
I would even say something like you think I look okay because while of course you look okay you know is you harsh.
I love that I couldn't hear because I I literally thought. You gotta be could meet you. You obviously think this she didn't and now I know why she never heard words of affirmation and she's asking me for that, unlike the end I learned my goodness, even this woman doesn't always know and needs somewhere that she really trusts the say your amazing work is yeah that's the power of affirmation, I shouldn't get into another one. But I just want to hit this last one you say that to encourage our girls and to firm them by saying you're not a victim. You have the power to act. I was intrigued by that because you have a daughter in a wheelchair and I think it be really easy for our kids that have really struggled or suffered or gone through things that it's really out of their control honey relay that truth will actually with words we speak it and it has to do with. If you are a believer you are indwelt by the Holy Spirit. That means that you have the power of the Holy Spirit in you.
The world wants to make you a victim, but we are not victims.
We are people empowered by God to walk with him in a way that he loves and approves of this is who you are so if the world wants to make you a victim. It wants you to have the mentality of a mindset that is against what God wants you to be. And so we just speak those words. So what.
But there's a sort of a double edged sword aspect to it to because if you're not a victim. That means you're responsible to make decisions and we just want our kids to be empowered to think that I have the responsibility and the power to act and so that's why we speak that message because we are not interested in the message the world house for them on that level yet. I just wish I would've had more those kind words spoken over me that I'm not helpless and life is not happening to me that God will enable me to do what I need to do and to step out and to do things that are right that are helpful and that are edifying and it's not just happening to one of the things that happens when you start thinking that life is happening to you as you remove yourself from the aspect of responsibility for what's happening, but if you're trained not to think that way than you regulars know I need to make a decision.
I need to move forward. I need to know if you're in a rut get out of that rut. I God is calling you to act based on what he has always said you are and what he's given you to do any always makes a way for us and so it's really about a positive path forward.
I like what you say say no one's life is defined by the good or bad things that happened to them. Your life is defined by your reaction to what takes place your chosen response to your life circumstances establishes who you are in the life that you will live. Those are wise words to say to our kids and good reminders for ourselves. That's really our job as parents do that and send them in the door with thanks for thanks for being with you guys would your son or daughter say my mom and dad are my greatest cheerleaders. They are always cheering me on their always encouraging me, or would they say they hear more discouraging words from you. I think his parents all of us can do a better job of speaking words of affirmation words of encouragement, words of life with our children and Matt and Lisa Jacobson have a tool to help us do that in fact were making the books that Matt and Lisa have written available this week to family life today listers who can help us advance the work of family life today when you make a donation you are pouring into the lives of hundreds of thousands of people who every day come to us for practical biblical help and hope for their marriage and if you're able to help with the donation today would love to send you a copy of Matt Lisa's books hundred words of affirmation, your daughter needs to hear hundred words of affirmation, your son needs to hear very practical tools to help you be the cheerleader that your son or daughter needs you to be.
Again, you can request copies of Matt Lisa's books.
When you make a donation of any amount go to family like to.com and donate online or call one 800 FL today to make a donation. Ask for the books. When you do, and were happy to send them out to you.
You know the reason we have conversations like the one you listen to today is because it's really our mission here at family life to effectively develop godly marriages and families. David Robbins was the person family life is here with me and David.
We want to not only help moms and dads when at home but we want to help you help others in your sphere of influence to succeed in their family as well about the love your new talk about our mission statement because were passionate about building and the families because we know the home is a conduit to build the kingdom of God. The work of of parenting like we've been talking about today has a compounding effect and we are passionate about helping families experience Jesus and pass it on to their kids and into their neighborhoods and community because were passionate about that second part of our mission statement that you said that that we know that the people of God living in surrendered lives to Jesus can by the power of the Holy Spirit impact their corner of the world and change the world one home at a time that that's what we do and I want to just invite you if if you aren't signed up for the email that we send out regularly. A couple times a month that is meant to encourage and equip you to live that out of of growing in oneness with God and in your own home and in moving toward others around you and impacting others for the kingdom of God. That's what were about a family life and it's another great way you can be resource to keep growing. You'd like to receive our help and hope you newsletter it's free. You can sign up email@example.com. We got a link on our website. Sign up and get extra help and hope sent to your email inbox each month and we hope you can join us again tomorrow when we're going to take up the subject of purity.
Certainly, that's a biblical concept, but there have been times recently when folks have done a poor job of communicating what the Bible has to say about purity. It's not been handled well run Deal and Julie Slattery will be with us to have a conversation about that and I hope you can join us for that as well. And if you have friends who you think would benefit from a conversation point them to the podcast family like today is available as a podcast. Wherever you get your podcasts on behalf of our host Steven M Wilson on Bob Lapine. We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of family life family like to use the production of family life accrue ministry helping you pursue the relationships that matter most