Unfulfilled Expectations, Part 1

Today on Fellowship in the Word, Pastor Bill Gebhardt challenges you to become a fully functioning follower of Jesus Christ. You see, one of the things that's most misunderstood about David is this. David is described in the Book of Acts as a man after God's own heart. We always assume that David is like the model for all of us. He only is in one way. David is no Job. He is no Joseph.

He is no Daniel. David is a model of us for this reason. He presents a person who sins like crazy but has a humble and contrite heart and need for God. Thank you for joining us today on this edition of Fellowship in the Word with Pastor Bill Gebhardt. Fellowship in the Word is the radio ministry of Fellowship Bible Church located in Metairie, Louisiana. Let's join Pastor Bill Gebhardt now as once again he shows us how God's Word meets our world.

We've come a long way in this series. The reason it's entitled Lestrap is because very few Christians ever really live on this road. We talked about the idea that if you want to get to Emerald City, there's only one way there, and that's the Yellow Brick Road, and that the road you're on will establish your destination in life, not your wishes, not your intentions with the road you're on. We talked about the naive. The naive are those people that when they come to a fork in the road, a choice to make, they never really think about the ramifications of the choice. They think only about the moment, and then they make their choice.

The problem if you're naive is this. You end up living in the land of regret. Thirdly, we said that smart people, just like you, make stupid choices, and that the reason that smart people make stupid choices is this. They find themselves on a happiness quest, not a truth quest, and so whatever they feel is going to make them happy at the moment, that's what they do, much to their own chagrin. Then we talked about emotional choices. So many times in life, we have made major choices in our life based on our emotions, and we allow those emotions to decide what we're going to do. We learned in that sermon that what we need to do is say to ourselves, has God spoken to this? Has God said something about what I'm going to choose about?

Are there biblical principles to play? And what's the story I want to tell when I'm done with this? What's the story I want to tell my children or grandchildren? Wisdom. We talked about this idea that we all need reliable roadmaps. If you want to get to where you're going, you need a good map, and we need reliable roadmaps, and a reliable roadmap is simply this, someone who's been where we intend to go, and how terrible it is for us to try to get advice from people who have never been where we need to go.

But even with all these principles in place, I'm not naïve because I realize something. There are destinations that you'll never reach. There are aspirations that you have that will never be fulfilled. There are expectations that will go unfulfilled in your life.

In other words, you don't always get to where you thought you were going to go. There are singles who will never marry. There are married couples who will never have children. There are people who get married and will never have a happy marriage. There are many of you who had this great dream of a career and find out you have lived your whole life just doing a job.

There are retirees that are not financially secure and never will be financially secure. You see, that's the way life is. The question is, how do I handle the disappointment of unfulfilled expectations?

How do I handle that? I mean, there's bad ways to handle it. That's the way most of us do. You can become angry. You can become bitter. You can live in the land of denial. You can find yourself dependent on alcohol or drugs, trying to numb yourself from your unfulfilled expectations and your disappointments.

But there's a better way. There's a way to handle it well. The truth of the matter is, if you learn how to handle your unfulfilled expectations well, it is really the key to a happy life, perhaps more than anything else. You see, unfulfilled expectations are sewn right into the fabric of every one of our lives. You know it.

You've already had some already, or you're having some now, or you surely will have some in the future. Once again, I want to look at the life of David for us to find the key. I'd like you to open your Bibles to 2 Samuel, chapter 13.

And what I'm going to read today can only be described as bizarre. It's an amazing thing when you come to these scriptures and you wonder, how in the world do people live like this? Samuel writes in 2 Samuel 13, Now it was after this that Absalom, the son of David, had a beautiful sister whose name was Tamar, and Amnon, the son of David, loved her.

Now let me just say something here. Tamar and Amnon are half brother, half sister. They have different mothers but the same father, David. Amnon is the oldest of David's sons. Amnon is heir to the throne. Amnon was so frustrated because of his sister Tamar that he made himself ill, for she was a virgin and it seemed hard to Amnon to do anything to her.

And what that implies is exactly the truth. But Amnon had a friend whose name was Jonadab, the son of Shemaiah, David's brother. And Jonadab was a very shrewd man. And he said to him, Oh son of the king, why are you so depressed morning after morning?

Will you not tell me? And Amnon said to him, I am in love with Tamar, the sister of my brother Absalom. And so Jonadab comes up with a plan. What I need is some conniving way in order to get the two of them together alone.

And so they do. We'll pick it up again in verse 11. When she brought them to him to eat, she's feeding him, he took hold of her and he said, Come, lie with me, my sister. And she answered him and said, No, my brother, do not violate me, for such a thing is not done in Israel. Do not do this disgraceful thing. It was as wrong in their culture as it is in our culture. It was viewed with the same contempt. As for me, where could I get rid of my reproach?

What would my reputation be? Notice what she's thinking. She's going through a decision-making process.

What's the story I want to tell? You see, the wisdom of this. As for you, you will be like one of the fools in Israel.

We talked about that when we talked about the naive, the fools. You make this choice, you will be always known as one of the great fools. Now, therefore, please speak to the king, for he will not withhold me from you.

She says, Look, maybe David will allow you to marry me. Very strange, unusual thinking. However, he would not listen to her. Since he was stronger than she, he violated her and he laid with her. He made a choice.

What is he thinking about? What is leading this choice? Emotions. Strictly an emotional choice. And notice the naive. I want what I want and I want it now.

I don't really care about the ramifications of anything. I know what I want and I want it now. Then Amnon hated her with a very great hatred, for the hatred with which he hated her was greater than the love with which he loved her. And Amnon said to her, Get up, get out. He is already living in a land of regret. Boy, you ever make a decision like that? That you make this big decision and the moment you're finished with it, you think, What in the world was I thinking?

How did I make such a poor choice? Well, verse 20, Absalom, her brother, said to her, Has Amnon, your brother, been with you? He said, Now keep silent, my sister. He is your brother. Do not take this matter to heart.

So Tamar remained and was desolate in her brother Absalom's house. She's in shame. Now when King David heard all these matters, he was very angry.

Now that sounds good, right? It's not. You know what he did in his anger? Nothing. He did nothing.

Do you ever get really angry about something that was unrighteous, even in your own family, and you're angry about it? And what do you do? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. That's what David did. He was to uphold the law. He's the king of Israel. Amnon is to be punished.

Absalom did not speak to Amnon, either good or bad, for Absalom hated Amnon because he had violated his sister Tamar. Now it came about after two full years. Notice how long Absalom stews on this. After two full years that Absalom had sheepshares in Baal-Hazer, which is near Ephraim, and Absalom invited all the king's sons. Sheepsharing, by the way, was a big thing.

The wool was a very important part of the culture, and so sheepsharing, if you own flocks, is a big event, sort of like a carnival affair. Absalom came to the king and said, Behold now, your servant has sheepshares. Please, let the king and his servants go with your servant. But the king, David, said to Absalom, No, my son, we should not all go, for we will be burdensome to you. Although he urged them, he would not go, but he blessed them. Absalom said, If not, please let my brother Amnon go with us. I think Absalom knew David wasn't going to go. He said, How about my brother, Amnon, could he come? David said to him, Why should he go with you?

Something was read in there. David knows that Absalom hasn't spoken to Amnon two years. He knows what's going on. He said, Why would you want him there? Well, Absalom urged him, and he let Amnon and all the king's sons go with him. And Absalom commanded his servants and said this. He said, See now, when Amnon's heart is merry with wine, and when I say to you, Strike Amnon, then put him to death, do not fear. He said, Have not I myself commanded you? Be courageous, be valiant.

Once he gets drunk, kill him. Well, the servants of Absalom did to Amnon, just as Absalom commanded. And then all the king's sons arose, and each mounted his mule and fled. By the way, the royal family in Israel never had a horse.

You don't ride horses, you ride mules. And so they all go beating it out of there. It's sort of like this whole scene is amazing.

This is like a cable television channel only episode. You've got this incestuous relationship. You've got murder within the family. You know, sometimes we as Americans are so naive that we believe that we have invented dysfunctional families.

We think that this is the way things are now. They're dysfunctional. Dysfunctional families have been here since Adam and Eve's dysfunctional family. And they've always been here. Those families are about as dysfunctional as one can get. Now, what's interesting about that is in verse 30 it says, Now it was while they were on their way that the report came to David, saying, Absalom has struck down all the king's sons, and not one of them has left. That's right. The media then was no better than the media now.

It's exactly the same. They can't ever get it right. Everybody's dead. Notice when we, by the way, estimate death, we always way overestimate an event.

They always say 50,000 are dead, and then you find out 1,500 are, and that's a regrettable thing, but it's not 50,000. He said, All the king's sons are dead. The king arose and tore his clothes, and he lay on the ground, and all his servants were standing by with his clothes torn. Jonadab, the son of Shemaiah, David's brother, responded. He said, Do not let my Lord suppose that they put to death all the young men, the king's sons, for Amnon alone is dead. He said, Because of the intent of Absalom, this may be determined since the day that he violated his sister Tamar. Everybody knew about it. If David was counting on no one else knowing, he was wrong.

Everybody knew about it. He goes, I know exactly why Absalom did this. Now, therefore, he said, Do not let my Lord the king take the report to heart, namely that all the king's sons are dead, for only Amnon is dead.

Down to verse 38. So Absalom fled and had gone to Gishur, and he lay there for three years. The heart of King David longed to go out to Absalom, for he was comforted concerning Amnon since he was dead.

It's an interesting phrase. One is I think he had a grieving period over that period of time, but secondly, I think he realized that Amnon got what the law demanded. How would you feel if you were David? Do you think his life has some unfulfilled expectations? Do you think David was hoping for more when it comes to your family? How would you like to be David? How would you like to first have this fact, that because of your adulterous affair with Bathsheba and your planning of the murder of Uriah the Hittite, the baby that was conceived died because of you, and you know it's because of you because God told you it's because of you?

How would you feel about that as far as disappointment? And now you have two sons, one, the heir, Amnon, and two, the one who is most qualified to be king, the one who is most like you, Absalom. One has fled from your presence. One is dead. Just imagine how he felt.

You see, how do you deal with that kind of disappointment in your life? You see, he's King David. He's the recipient of the Davidic Covenant, but notice his life is messed up on so many levels.

Well, the story continues, and we pick it up in chapter 15, at the end of chapter 14, excuse me, verse 23. Joab counsels the king. So Joab arose and went to Geshur, and he brought Absalom to Jerusalem. Joab kept telling David in the interim period, David, you've got to bring your son back.

It was terrible what happened, but Amnon did something that was unspeakable. And so you've got to bring Absalom back. For three years, David wouldn't agree to that. Here we find out, though, in verse 24, However, the king said, let him return, is a better way to translate it, let him return to his own house and let him not see my face. And Absalom returned to his own house and did not see the king's face. He can come back.

I don't want him to do with him. He comes back into Jerusalem. And now he says, in all Israel, there was no one as handsome as Absalom.

I'd like that written about you. Who's he like? He's just like Dad.

He's a chip off the old block. He's one handsome guy. In fact, he says, so highly praised, from the sole of his foot to the crown of his head, there was not a defect in him.

This is one good-looking man. He looks like a king. By the way, he acts like a king. He's a warrior like a king.

But he has weaknesses. How about this one? When he cut the hair on his head, and it was at the end of every year that he cut it.

Wouldn't you like that, guys? Once a year, get your hair cut. He said it was heavy on his head, and the reason he cut it, the reason he cut his hair every year is he couldn't carry it anymore. You say, well, you're sure about that.

Well, let me read on. He says he weighed the hair of his head at 200 shekels by the king's weight, five pounds. In one year, he grew five pounds of hair. Now, that guy has a head of hair. Just as a challenge, go a year, don't cut your hair, then cut it, weigh it, see what you have.

Some of you guys, you won't get five ounces in a year. Five pounds of hair. To Absalom, there was born three sons and one daughter whose name was Tamar. He loved his sister, and he knew she had been discredited, and so he named his only daughter after her.

Now, here's what's kind of interesting. A revolt then begins, and Absalom wants to see David. David will not see him. Absalom realizes that Joab is the key to seeing David because he's David's advisor.

So Absalom does something that's kind of interesting. Verse 30, he says, Therefore he said to his servant, See Joab's field next to mine? And he has barley there.

Go and set it on fire. Now they have these big parcels of land, and that's their income. And the king dispersed them, so Joab as an advisor gets a big plot of land right beside Absalom as a son. He goes, Oh, by the way, he's got his barley crop in.

Burn it to the ground. Well, you can imagine how Joab thought about that, as we see. Then Joab arose, came to Absalom at his house, and he said, Why have your sermons set fire to my field? Why'd you burn my field down? Absalom answered Joab and said, Behold, I sent for you, saying, Come here, that I may send you to the king and say, Why have I come from Geshur?

It would have been better for me to stay there. Now, therefore, let me see the king's face, and if there's iniquity in me, let him put me to death. And so Joab came to the king, and he told him, and he called for Absalom. He says, Thus he came to the king, and he prostrated himself on his face to the ground before the king, and the king kissed Absalom. And you think, Well, there, that's good. No. That's all David did.

He kissed him and then just had him leave, and that was that. You wanted to see me? You've seen me.

Now get out. Absalom now had about enough of that, and so he comes up, and he's a very cunning individual, and he's patient. Now it came about after this that Absalom provided for himself a chariot and horses and 50 men and his runners before him.

He has an entourage. And Absalom used to rise early and stand beside the way to the gate, enter Jerusalem. And it happened that when any man who had a suit to come to the king for judgment, Absalom would call to him and say, From what city are you? And he would say, Your servant is from one of the tribes of Israel.

And then Absalom would say to him, See? Your claims are good and right, but no man listens to you when part of the king. You have a great case. You have a legal case. The trouble is David won't hear it, and he has to make the decision.

Sorry, that's just tough luck for you. Then Absalom would say to him, See? Your claims are good and right. No man listens to you when part of the king. Moreover, Absalom would say, Oh, that one would appoint me judge in the land.

Then every man who has a suit or cause could come to me, and I would give him justice. What's he doing? He's campaigning. You know what campaigns sound like. You see, you know what it's like. There's going to be promises made. I'd give you justice. I'll listen to you. You're important to me. If only I were the judge and not David.

Well, it's interesting. It happened that when a man came near to prostrate himself before him, he would put out his hand, and he would take hold of him, and he would kiss him. Now, that's a little more intimacy. That's what David did with his son. Absalom says, You're all like my children to me. In this manner, Absalom dealt with all Israel who came to the king for judgment, so Absalom stole away the hearts of the men of Israel. You want to steal away people's hearts? Promise them what they want.

That's how you do it. Now, they have forgotten about David and Goliath and David and Saul and David's victories over the Philistines and the peace in the land. Absalom was going to give them what they wanted.

Well, as we go on with the story, look at verse 12 of chapter 15. Absalom sent for Ahitho and Ahithophel, the Gileanite, David's counselor, he says, from the city of Gilo, while he was offering sacrifices, and the conspiracy was strong for the people increased continually with Absalom. And then a messenger came to David and said, The hearts of the men of Israel with Absalom. Absalom's going to take over. David said to all his servants who were with him in Jerusalem, Arise, let us flee, for otherwise none of us shall escape from Absalom. Go in haste, and he will overtake us quickly and bring down calamity on us and strike the city with the edge of the sword.

And the king's servants said to the king, Behold, your servants are ready to do whatever my lord the king wishes. Notice how David has changed. David is completely different. Does that sound like the David as a teenager that faced Goliath?

I think David's disappointment in himself. You see, one of the things that's most misunderstood about David is this. Because David is described in the book of Acts as a man after God's own heart, we always assume that David is like the model for all of us.

He only is in one way. David is no Job. He is no Joseph. He is no Daniel. David is a model of us for this reason.

He represents a person who sins like crazy but has a humble and contrite heart and need for God. That's what makes David special, not his life. David's life is full of disappointments. He's a lousy father.

He's a terrible husband. He disobeyed the Lord continually almost. But he was humble and contrite about his sin.

That's why he's a man after God's own heart, not because of his performance. You've been listening to Pastor Bill Gebhardt on the Radio Ministry of Fellowship in the Word. If you ever miss one of our broadcasts or maybe you would just like to listen to the message one more time, remember that you can go to a great website called oneplace.com. That's oneplace.com, and you can listen to Fellowship in the Word online.

At that website, you'll find a link to oneplace.com. That's oneplace.com, and you can listen to Fellowship in the Word online. At that website, you will find not only today's broadcast but also many of our previous audio programs as well. At Fellowship in the Word, we are thankful for those who financially support our ministry and make this broadcast possible. We ask all of our listeners to prayerfully consider how you might help this radio ministry continue its broadcast on this radio station by supporting us monthly or with just a one-time gift. Support for our ministry can be sent to Fellowship in the Word, 4600 Clearview Parkway, Metairie, Louisiana, 7006. If you would be interested in hearing today's message in its original format, that is, as a sermon that Pastor Bill delivered during a Sunday morning service at Fellowship Bible Church, then you should visit our website, fbcnola.org.

That's fbcnola.org. At our website, you will find hundreds of Pastor Bill's sermons. You can browse through our sermon archives to find the sermon series you are looking for. Or you can search by title. Once you find the message you are looking for, you can listen online. Or if you prefer, you can download the sermon and listen at your own convenience. And remember, you can do all of this absolutely free of charge. Once again, our website is fbcnola.org. For Pastor Bill Gebhardt, I'm Jason Gebhardt, thanking you for listening to Fellowship in the Word. ...